


A Fragile Truce

by carolelained



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:31:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 61
Words: 256,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7273720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolelained/pseuds/carolelained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A road of pain and heartache hopefully leading to better things.<br/>Angst and violence ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one's for you Jaimek, Happy Birthday dear friend xx

A Fragile Truce

By CarolelaineD

I’m so tired and alone, everything had just become so fucked up in a short time. I’d tried so hard to be a good partner to Scully and friend, however everyone kept stabbing me in the back time after time. I‘d thought everything would be better once Krycek had gone out of my life, I had been sucked in totally, I had trusted the man’s devotion to me and young Agent look.

I believe that over time things had become better, then I’d just end up back at square one again. Shit he always had a way of just showing up out of nowhere, well like the bad penny that he was. Alex Krycek had intrigued me, mainly because I could never manage to get inside that head of his. At one point I’d wanted to devour him, shit devour his mind, body and soul.

However, I was the senior Agent so I had restrained myself and held back, afraid of the repercussions had I made a move on him. He was a junior Agent and could have reported me, getting reported for sexual harassment was not on my agenda.

However, I’d been relieved that I’d decided to keep my feelings to myself, I believe that things shifted that day he betrayed me, well they do say it’s a fine line between love and hate. I wanted to make Krycek pay for making me trust him, I wanted the pleasure of causing him some pain. Yet I’d always believed it would just be a fantasy, he always managed to be out of reach one way or another.

Life went on for me and I’d forget, then finally history would repeat itself once more. He would crawl back out of wherever the hell he came from and make my life hell once more, then that day came for my revenge. To be honest I’d just got to the point I couldn’t take anymore, it had only been a matter of time before I snapped.

It had been a day when everything was just going wrong for me, apparently I was an expert at pissing people off. Okay I have never liked taking orders from anyone, however this was the first time Skinner had kicked me out of his office. No pay and suspended for two whole weeks, I was told to spend the time reflecting and learning where I’d gone wrong.

I’d rushed in while on a stakeout without any backup, it had nearly resulted in me getting shot. It had been my life that I’d risked and not Skinners, you never get any gratitude or thanks from anyone nowadays that’s for sure.

I would just go home and get drunk, maybe order a takeaway and then decide what I was going to do. Fuck I really didn’t need this shit not today of all days. I knew that I’d locked my apartment that morning as usual, yet here my door now stood partially open.

I pulled out my non-issue gun from my ankle holster, I’d left my official one back in Skinner’s office along with my badge. I opened the door as slow as I could, shit I knew I’d have to call the gunmen over once more to sweep the place for bugs.

It was then that I heard a noise coming from inside, well it looked like my unwelcome guest was still here. I released the safety catch on my gun and entered with care, well it was now official, my day was going from bad to worse by the minute.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew Mulder was at work all day, all I wanted was to get in and get the cameras out. Everything was still the same as the time I was here before, however the last time I’d been here I’d been invited in. I could remember the beers I’d shared when I ‘d been here in the past, I’d truly loved having Mulder as my partner while I’d been in the F.B.I. 

It was a shame that he’d only been my partner at work, the man had been far too straight and paranoid to let anyone in. I would have given anything to have him in a different way, we’d laughed and got drunk, hell we’d even watched a couple of games together. I had known from the start Spender would kill me if I’d got too close to Mulder, I was to obey Spender no matter what or suffer the consequences.

I still swear that the bastard had left those cigarettes on purpose, he had known that I was getting to close to Mulder for my own good. Well fuck him and fuck everyone else, I now worked alone as it was the way I worked best. 

Spender had ordered the cameras so he could keep an eye on Mulder, I now planned to piss Spender off by removing every single one of them. I had just removed the third one when I heard a noise, it was way too early for Mulder to be home from work.  
Shit I never even had time to reach for my gun, I then heard the voice that I knew and remembered so well.

“You of all fuckin people and today of all days, turn around really slow with your hands in the air.”

“Shit Mulder this is not what it looks like or what you think.”

“Enlighten me Krycek, so what is it then that you presume I’m thinking.”

“Mulder I’m removing them all, shit it was Spender who had them put here a while ago.”

“You’re so full of crap Krycek, keep your hands up or so help me God I will shoot you.”

Mulder kept his gun trained on me as he went through all my pockets, shit he then claimed every single one of my weapons. I suddenly felt naked and vulnerable. 

“Is that it all Krycek? Or do you have some more hidden somewhere as I really don’t trust you at all.”

“I swear that’s all I have Mulder; shit you were supposed to be at work today.”

“Yeah well shit happens, you of all people Krycek should know that.”

“So what now Mulder?”

“I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago; I’m going to cuff you Krycek then turn you in.”

Shit I started to panic as Mulder advanced towards me, I knew that I was a dead man if he had me arrested. I knew I had to at least try and fight him, as he moved I lunged forwards toward him.

The bastard had to be a fitness freak, he was really fast as he punched me hard in the stomach. He soon managed to bring me down to my knees, shit I was really struggling to get my breath back.

“You never learn do you Krycek, you always think you can better me and win.”

“What do you expect me to do Mulder? Just stand there and let you just fuckin arrest me. You must be stupider than I thought, I’d rather be dead than arrested.”

“Believe me that can be arranged, stand up slowly and put your hands out in front of you.”

Great I knew I had very little chance now of escape, I was as good as dead.

XXXXXXXXXX

I stood there and waited as he got to his feet, my gun never wavered once as I had it pointed at his chest. However, once he finally managed to get up I moved, yet the little shit till was refusing to go down easy. I managed to get one cuff on him as he put up a fight, shit then the bastard just went wild hitting me over and over again.

“Why Krycek? Shit we could have just done this the easy way you know.”

I punched him repeatedly and then shoved him backwards, he then proceeded to fall on the unmade bed. While he was down I acted fast, I finally managed to click the remaining cuff in place.

“Stay the fuck there you little shit, I’ve about had enough of this now.”

“Don’t be stupid Mulder, for God’s sake just let me go.”

“No chance, you’ve fucked about with my life just once too often Krycek.”

“Spender will kill me if you turn me in Mulder.”

“What the hell makes you think that I won’t kill you?”

“It’s not your style Mulder and you know it, there’s still time to just let me go.”

“You’re a presumptuous little fuckin prick, hell you always think that you can talk your way out of everything.”

“Fuckin do it then, go on Mulder be a big man and pull the fuckin trigger.”

“That would be far too easy for the likes of you.”

God I must be losing my mind, I knew that I would have to make my mind up soon and decide what to do. I just didn’t feel in the mood to let him go just yet, it was time Alex Krycek suffered for making my life hell.

“Mulder listen to me please.”

“Just shut the fuck up, I’m sick of hearing all the shit that comes out of your mouth.”

I knew I’d need to be away from him soon, shit I couldn’t think with him in the same room as me. I turned to walk out of the bedroom, I had decisions to make and things to do.

“Mulder, shit where the fuck are you going now?”

“Away from you.”

“Mulder you can’t just leave me here.”

“Yeah true you have a point there, you will start screaming and pissing off all my neighbours.”

Fuck I always was so flustered around the little shit, however the last thing I wanted was the police showing up because of the noise. I turned my back towards Krycek and pulled a draw open, soon I had just what I needed to deal with him.

Krycek started to look a bit worried as I advanced on him, I bent over him on the bed and pinned him down. This was not a good idea for many reasons, shit I really didn’t want to be in this position with him of all people.

“Mulder what the hell are you doing now, oh shit you can’t really be serious.”

“I’ve never been more serious in my life about this, you see that’s just how annoying you are Krycek.”

“Fine I’ll shut up if that’s what it takes, please Mulder you can’t do this.”

It was time to make Alex Krycek pay for what he’d done to myself and many other people, he would be paying one way or another. Maybe some other time in the past I’d have wanted him in my bed just not like this.

XXXXXXXXXX

There had been a time I’d have liked to see Mulder here sat over me, god he was hovering over me and pressing into my groin. However, that feral look was scaring the hell out of even me, I’d never seen Mulder ever look as angry as he was looking right now. Shit that wasn’t even the scariest part, I soon realised that every bit of anger was aimed at me.

“Open your fuckin mouth right now Krycek.”

Was Mulder really expecting me to just lay here and obey him, well like hell was I going to make it easy for him?

“Last chance you little fuckin shit, open your mouth right now.”

I just glared at him and refused to open my mouth, shit then Mulder grabbed me by the throat and squeezed hard. He was like some wild animal and wouldn’t let go, he literally forced me to open my mouth. Well I either opened it or it would just all end now, yeah end up with me six foot under.

“Fine for fucks sake Mulder just let go of me.”

He never spoke as he shoved the sock into my open mouth, he then used one of his gory ties to hold the sock in place.

“It’s a good look on you Krycek, fuckin bound and gagged like you should have been years ago.”

I was unable to reply to him now, shit all I hoped was that he’d used a clean sock. I was left here and all I could do was glare at him and give him dirty looks, all that bastard did was just laugh at me.

“Shit Krycek do you really that I’m intimidated by you, you’ve spent way to long doing that to so many people.”

Mulder got up off me and put the gun on the drawer, he then started going through all my jacket pockets.

“You have quite a lot of shit in your pockets Krycek, come on roll onto your side now.”

I did as he asked yet he still wasn’t gentle, the fuckin cuffs were digging into my wrists at the moment. Shit I realized that Mulder was now going to search my jeans pockets, he could hardly get his hand in them never mind me keeping stuff in them.

I decided it’d just be easier to lay still and let him get on with it, I decided that I’d just keep my eyes closed until it was over.

“What’s matter Krycek am I embarrassing you now? It’s just you appear to be going a bit red. Sorry maybe it was my fault and I accidently touched you, we can’t shatter your male pride can we.”

Mulder didn’t give a shit how the hell I felt, all that mattered to him was embarrassing me and making me suffer the humiliation. I’d swear the bastard was doing it on purpose now, he shoved his hand even deeper into my tight pocket.

“Well what do we have here? Did you have a date tonight or was you just hoping to get lucky Krycek.”

I refused to open my eyes and look at him, I knew that he’d just found the small tube of lube and condoms.

“Hell maybe you’re Spender’s little fuckin whore, then again with your looks you might just be a rent boy on the side.”

I tried to pull away out of his grasp, yet all I got for my efforts was a hard slap across the face.

“I’m leaving you here Krycek, when I come back I’ll decide what to do with you.”

The bastard just got up and walked out, great all I could do was lay here and wait.

XXXXXXXXXX


	2. Chapter 2

Well I must be officially off my rocker, well most people would actually agree with that statement. Deep down I knew that I should take him into custody, just what the hell was my problem with that anyway. I knew that he was right about one thing though, he would be dead within twenty-four hours if he was in custody.

I knew that I should have been pleased with that outcome, however I couldn’t quiet place it but something about that idea felt so wrong. Was it just my rebellious streak to piss Skinner off as much as I could, or was there something else I didn’t even want to admit too?

I’d wanted the little prick dead so many times, yet I knew I wasn’t capable of outright murdering him, I realized that what I really wanted was justice for myself, also for Scully and the rest of mankind. Part of me also knew that death was far too good for the likes of him, he deserved to suffer greatly first after what he’s done.

I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and went to sit down for a while, my couch felt so comfy and helped me to relax somewhat. I had a two-week suspension to do what I wanted, two weeks when only Scully would really miss me. I decided that I’d best call Scully and check she knew about my suspension; I wasn’t even sure if Skinner would have spoken to her yet.

Well let’s just say I never got the sympathy I was expecting, she outright told me that I deserved the suspension and had brought it upon myself. Scully told me that it was about time I learnt to follow rules, also that I’d been stupid by risking my own life.

Jesus why was it that everyone wanted to piss me off today, I pretty much mad a decision on the spot as I’d had enough crap. I told Scully that I planned to go away for a couple of weeks, time to reflect on what I’d done and my future with the bureau.

I drank the rest of my beer straight down and then moved, I opened the bedroom door slowly and walked in. I found Krycek asleep on the bed and totally oblivious to me, that just pissed me off even more.

Krycek had managed to roll over onto his side while asleep, I just grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him back over onto his back. I’d never seen anyone open their eyes as fast as he did, great he was now back to glaring at me once more.

I unfastened my tie then removed the sock, Krycek was already showing some bruising around his mouth from how tight I’d fastened the tie.

“Come on then Mulder as I damn well don’t need the suspense, are you going to arrest me or just let me go?”

“Neither Krycek.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

I could tell that Krycek was starting to get worried now, maybe he thought I was just going to kill him after all.

“I plan to leave you in the dark for now Krycek, it will do you some good to stew for a while. One thing I’ll make clear right now though; I have no intention of letting you go anytime soon.”

“For fuck’s sake Mulder just tell me.”

“Believe me Krycek, you’re in no position to make any kind of demands or be clever for that matter.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck I just lay there as Mulder got up, now I had to wonder just what he had planned for me. Mulder was one of those people who was always thinking and planning, at any other time I’d have loved that intelligent mind of his.

“I have things to do Krycek and places to go, I need to know if you need to use the bathroom at all before I leave.”

“Like fuck are you just leaving me here Mulder?”

“A simple yes or no will do.”

“Fine, yes Mulder I need to use the fuckin bathroom.”

Mulder grabbed hold of me and pulled me up off the bed, he then smacked me around the head before dragging me towards the bathroom. I would have to think hard, maybe there might still be a way I can get out of here alive.

“I’m going to remove one of the cuffs, try anything at all Krycek and you will suffer big time.”

“Yeah okay fine whatever Mulder.”

I went and relieved myself while just biding my time, I now had one of the cuffs dangling from my wrist. I decided here and now that Mulder was not re cuffing me no matter what, I didn’t want to hurt him but if that’s what it takes.

Well Mulder was either embarrassed or been a true gentleman, either way it was a big mistake turning his back on me. I suddenly charged him and knocked him to the floor, he went down hard but still managed to be quicker than me.

“You’re a stupid little fuckin prick.”

“Fuck you Mulder, you can’t seriously just expect me to take this shit from you?”

Fuck my lip split open from the impact of his fist, he then rolled on top of me and pinned me to the floor.

“Lay still for fucks sake Krycek.”

“Fuck you Mulder.”

I started bucking hard trying to get Mulder off me, fuck no I’d not expected him to get hard while on me. Mulder realized that I’d also noticed, shit he was getting his rocks off while he beat me up. He finally managed to click the second cuff in place restraining my hands once more, he then just casually got up and stood over me.

“I wonder why it’s such a turn on beating the shit out of you, I always had to wonder if you were gay come to think of it.”

“No I’m not gay Mulder, just fuck of and leave me the hell alone.”

“Don’t worry you’re not my type anyway Krycek.”

“Shit Mulder can you just get off the subject of my sexuality.”

“Just go and sit down on the couch now.”

I had no choice but to comply at the moment, shit my hands were cuffed behind my back this time and it was uncomfortable. I had considered kicking out at Mulder but I felt like shit now, however he was soon there with some cable ties in his hand.

“What the fuck.”

Before I could move he’d tied my ankles together, shit he even pulled the cable tie far tighter than needed. I knew that all hope had gone now of escape, shit then he went and grabbed the sock and tie again.

“Please Mulder don’t.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m going out and can’t have you screaming now can I? Your promises mean fuck all to me Krycek, you’re a fuckin liar and a murderer.”

“Believe what you want Mulder.”

I was soon silenced a he re fastened the gag, the bastard then also blindfolded me.”

“Now while you’re in the dark you can think about things, you’re just a sad pathetic excuse for a man do you know that?”

I sat in total darkness and immobile, within a few minutes I heard his apartment door slam shut.

XXXXXXXXXX

Was I really just going to go out and leave him there, all I knew at the moment was that I needed some space and to clear my head. I had to accept that things had changed; how could I carry on been around him with how I felt, shit he’d always managed to get me so worked up in more ways than one. Now I just had one more added reason to hate him, my main and only goal now was to make him suffer.

How come every time I had more reason to turn him in I wavered against it, I was planning to do the total opposite from handing him over to the authorities. Well even though I had no intention of turning him in, hell I had no plans to let him go either.

I went and filled the car up with some gas, I also then bought a few more items that I needed. On my way home I called at the local pharmacy, I had a couple of prescriptions that I would need to have filled.

 I walked around the shop just browsing while I waited for the pills, I eyed the shelves more out of boredom than anything else. Certain things had grabbed my attention, on the spur of the moment I went and grabbed a basket.  
Soon I had all that I needed, well what I wanted anyway. I then paid for all my shopping and collected my medication, a couple more places to stop at then I was on my way home. I had things to get on with and do, also I didn’t want to leave Krycek any longer than necessary. 

I opened the door to find Krycek still sat there, I had no idea why I thought he might have escaped but it was Krycek after all. I went up to him and removed the blindfold, I then removed the gag from his now very bruised mouth.

“Honey I’m home, did you miss me?”

“Where the fuck have you been Mulder, I bet you think you’re clever leaving me here like this?”

“I’ve been busy, I had to go out and make some plans for the future.”

“Does that mean you’re planning to let me go anytime soon?”

“Far from it Krycek, I have big plans for you and how to punish you.”

“Mulder there’s still time to just let me go you know.”

“What fun would I have then, I’m on holiday for two weeks Krycek and I would get bored alone.”

“You never take holidays Mulder so that’s bullshit.”

“Let’s just say this as a rather sudden holiday, not that it’s any business of yours Krycek.”

“You can’t keep me Mulder, shit you won’t get away with it.”

“Why Krycek do you have someone who’ll actually miss you, I’d have never have thought the likes of you would be missed by anyone.”

“Shit that’s not the fuckin point Mulder and you know it.”

“So I take it that’s a no then, poor sad all alone Alex who won’t even be missed.”

“Fuck you Mulder like you can talk, no one will really miss you either.”

“You might just be right about that Krycek, well I guess we’ll have each other for a while then.”

Little did he know but I was really looking forward to the time we’d spend together, I couldn’t say the same for him though.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mulder was really starting to get on my nerves, I was gay and had been for years however, I had no intention of telling him that. He seemed to react rather unexpected when he had me pinned down, there I was thinking he was the straight one.

Things were also becoming worse by the minute too, so Mulder had no intention of letting me go anytime soon. Maybe if I was lucky I could try reasoning with him, shit the man was a fully trained profiler after all.

“Mulder come on, hell you of all people know just how wrong this is.”

“Don’t you fuckin dare Krycek?”

“Dare what Mulder?”

“Turn this around on to me, you came here Krycek and started all this, at the end of the day you only have yourself to blame.”

“Yeah fair enough I’m man enough to admit it Mulder, the questions whether your man enough to end it.”

“To be really honest Krycek I’m having way too much fun, also I think we could do with a little road trip just you and me.”

I knew Mulder was trying his dammed hardest to keep winding me up, he knew he was a Federal Agent and would soon be missed if he just disappeared.

“You go then Mulder if that’s what you want to do, I’m sure you can find your way to let me go first.”  
“No chance Krycek, I think it would be far too boring on my own don’t you?”

“Mulder you know you can’t just disappear; someone would soon miss you if you did. Also you can’t just kidnap me and take me with you.”

“That’ where you’re wrong Krycek, you see I’ve been suspended for a couple of weeks.”

This really could not be happing to me; shit I was working freelance and I already knew no one would miss me at all.

“Mulder why don’t you just go on vacation, maybe even go out and have a few drinks. Hell you could even go out and get laid just for once.”

“Maybe I will when I’ve done what I need to do, you see I need to deal with you before anything else.”

Mulder went into the bedroom leaving me alone. I sat there as he spent the next half an hour banging around, shit what the hell was he up to now. Finally, he re-entered the room carrying some plastic sheeting, he then grabbed his car keys and was just going to leave.

“Don’t you fuckin dare just leave me here Mulder?”

“Shit don’t fuckin panic just yet Krycek, I’m only going to put something in my car then I’ll be back.”

I never even got to say anything else as he just left, besides the plastic sheeting he’d also grabbed a couple of bags too. Shit I had a really bad feeling about all this and was starting to panic, finally he returned carrying a small paper bag with him.

Fuck I watched in horror as he emptied the bag out, there in front of me on the coffee table lay all the contents of his little bag. Shit I really started to panic now and even started yelling at him, some of it was in English and the rest in Russian.

“Shut the fuck up Krycek.”

Shit Mulder slapped me really hard across the face, he then shoved the sock back into my fuckin mouth. It was already bruised to hell, yet he took great pleasure gripping my jaw tight.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Listen to me Krycek and listen really well.”

I could see the fear deep within his eyes, shit he was really terrified of what I was going to do to him.

“Hey come on Krycek, Alex look at me it’s just a muscle relaxant that’s all.”

I watched him closely as I filled the syringe, soon it was full with a golden colour fluid and ready to use. Shit I realized the man was really struggling to breathe, he was panicking that much that I’d have to remove the gag.

“Krycek listen to me, I’ll remove the gag if you don’t scream nod if you understand me?”

I watched as he slowly nodded his head, it was only then that I removed the sock from his mouth.

“Mulder please don’t do this; shit I’ll beg if that’s what you want me to do.”

“Did you give my Father a chance to beg before you shot him in the head? No I bet you never did you fuckin bastard.”

“Shit Mulder it wasn’t me; you won’t ever believe me will you as you’ve already made your mind up.”

“You will get your chance to have your say, just not here and not now.”

“So what are you going to do with me Mulder?”

“It’s a prescription drug to help me relax and sleep, it’s not going to hurt you Krycek so shut up. After I inject you we will be leaving here, you will have about ten minutes before the drug kicks in. In those ten minutes you will walk to my car and get in, you cause me a problem and I will either shoot you or turn you in.”

“Fine I’ll go with you Mulder if that’s what you really want, shit please just don’t inject me with that shit in there.”

“I’m not a totally stupid man Krycek, without the injection you would be on me within seconds and I don’t need that shit.”

“Please Mulder.”

“Look I’m sorry Krycek.”

“Like fuck you are.”

“You don’t want to fight me on this Krycek, I’m sure you don’t want the needle snapping in two.”

I saw reason within those green eyes, he believed me and knew there was no way out. I pushed his sleeve up and located a suitable spot, I then inserted the needle and pushed the plunger.

“I really hate you Mulder.”

“Yeah I know you do, come on up on your feet a we don’t have long.”

Krycek got up and left with me, I knew he was losing all hope of escape now after the injection. I just didn’t trust him at all and would feel better once we were away from here.

“I will only warn you once Krycek, if we get stopped you’re my prisoner do you understand.”

“Whatever Mulder.”

“Believe me I’m not joking; all my neighbours know I’m a Federal Agent so they won’t believe you anyway Krycek.”

“For fucks sake, I said whatever Mulder.”

“Okay I will make this really plain and simple for you Krycek, open that lying mouth and I really will just drop you off at the Hoover.”

“Fine Mulder I really get the point okay, but shit I just feel so tired now.”

Well at least I knew the drug was working then, soon we had finally made it to the car and I opened the rear door. I dragged him towards the open door however that was when he suddenly had a spark of energy, shit so much for thinking it would all just be plain sailing from here on.

XXXXXXXXXX

“You lying fuckin bastard.”

“Krycek shut up and calm the fuck down.”

I knew I’d reacted badly but shit what did he expect, fuck he had the entire back seat covered with a plastic sheet.

“Get in the fuckin car right now Krycek.”

“No chance Mulder you can go to hell.”

Shit the bastard grabbed me hard and forced me into the car, I never stood a chance as I was far too weak to fight back. However, I still tried as hard as I could to kick him, Mulder ended up getting into the back seat with me and holding me.

“I can’t drive until you calm down a bit Krycek.”

“Fuck you Mulder.”

Shit the man had drugged me and kidnaped me, shit and he expected me to just calm down and behave. Worse still was that he had me laid out on a fuckin plastic sheet, what easier way that was to dispose of my body later on?

“You could have just fuckin shot me Mulder and ended this.”

“Come on Krycek you’ll be asleep before you know it.”

“So that just makes it alright then does it Mulder.”

“For fuck’s sake I’m not going to kill you.”

“So why the fuckin sheet Mulder?”

“Krycek calm down and be quiet, I just didn’t want you pissing on my car seat that’s all.”

“Shit you really expect me to believe you.”

“For fucks sake Krycek, Alex just snap out of it and pay attention will you.”

I’m not sure if him calling me Alex got my attention, but shit suddenly I found myself listening to him.

“Hear me out Alex and I’ll be as honest as I can with you, I really can’t guarantee that I won’t hurt you, okay I know I will, but shit you’ve fucked me over so many times in the past and people I care about.”

The muscle relaxant must have been working now, as I could hardly fuckin move my body.

“However I won’t kill you Alex, that’s something I promise you here and now, but I promise you it will be painful and you will pay for all that you’ve done.”

Shit so I would be suffering at his hand, I didn’t expect it to be any worse than what Spender had done to me in the past. That man hated me with a passion and had done many things to me, some I was still left with the scars as a reminder of it all.

I was now even struggling to move my mouth, I knew that Mulder was right and I’d soon be totally out of it. It scared me to think he could do anything and I wouldn’t be able to stop him, he wanted revenge for the crime of killing his Father and I couldn’t talk my way out of it no matter what.

I tried so hard to fight it but it was futile, shit I couldn’t even wipe the tears away from my face. Just to make things worse Mulder had noticed I was crying, he then lent forward and wiped all the tears away.

“Alex why all the tears, you asked for this and plenty more. It could be far worse and someone else punishing you instead of me.”

I knew deep down that he was right, yet that wasn’t my last thought as sleep claimed me. I fell asleep with the knowledge that Mulder was hard for me, either that or it was the adrenalin that turned him on. I couldn’t help but feel his erection as he’d wiped my tears away.

XXXXXXXXXX


	3. Chapter 3

Great I realized that I’d got hard over the little prick, I looked down at the seemingly innocent man who was now out for the count. You couldn’t deny the fact that he was good looking and always had been, I’d just tried to convince myself I wasn’t interested. However, my preferences had always been mainly male, also he just had to be my type too.

Shit then I remembered my purchases from the pharmacy earlier today, I tried telling myself that they were just a spur of the moment purchase on impulse. Who the hell was I really trying to kid anyway, shit I’d bought enough lube and condoms to keep a rent boy in business for a year.

I climbed in to the driving seat and slammed the door shut hard, I would have plenty of time later to worry about my sex life. I just wanted to get as far from here as possible, I would get Alex settled and then decide what to do with him.

Firstly, I knew I’d need to work out the dosage of the drugs, also learn as I went on the effects of them. I knew that I’d want him awake at times and feel the pain I’d cause him, I also wanted him relaxed enough so he couldn’t fight back. I had a fair idea as to what I was going to do, as for the rest it would fall in to place as I went along.

It was starting to get dark now as it became night time, I knew I had at least a long six-hour drive ahead of me if all went well. The journey actually went far better than I’d planned, well should I say at least the first half did. I was starting to become really tired now and would have to stop soon.

I heard faint noises from the rear of the car, I looked in the mirror and realized Alex was beginning to stir. I finally found a gas station that looked quiet and I needed fuel anyway, I found somewhere to park and filled my tank up full. Shit the gas station only took payment inside, I locked the door knowing I’d have to leave him alone while I paid.

There were a couple of people in the que so I grabbed a couple of things, mainly just some coffee and sandwiches. When I finally made it back to the car Alex was awake, he lay on the back seat just glaring coldly at me.

“Where the fuck have you been Mulder?”

“Calm down will you Krycek, shit I only went to get some coffee and gas.”

“Mulder where the fuck are we going, shit where are you taking me?”

“We’re going for a nice ride that’s all.”

“Mulder for fucks sake just tell me.”

“Rhode Island, not that it will make any difference to you Krycek.”

“Why what the hell are you planning Mulder?”

“I really don’t know yet, look let’s just deal with the here and now at the moment.”

“Yeah well right now Mulder I need a piss.”

“Fine come on then Krycek, I’ll take you to the bathroom but you had better behave yourself.”

“I can’t fuckin move you stupid idiot.”

“Well that’s a really handy thing to know.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

“Whatever Krycek.”

Ha so Krycek was unable to move, well apart from his mouth that was, well maybe things were looking up after all. Well for me anyway as I couldn’t say the same for Krycek, his life was just about to get far worse.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great Mulder couldn’t help but laugh at me, he appeared to be getting a kick out of all this.

“You’re still one sick bastard Mulder.”

“Believe me Krycek, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

“Fuck you’ maybe I’ll just piss myself and your fuckin car.”

“Just hold on Krycek, shit I must have an empty bottle somewhere around here.”

“Yeah most probably, as you keep your car as clean as your apartment Mulder.”

“Yeah I seem to attract a lot of filth in my life.”

Fuck I never paid him any attention as my mind worked overtime, I realized just what this was going to entail. I could guarantee right now that he wasn’t touching me there, he was straight so I couldn’t see him really wanting to do it especially as it was me.

“Hey Krycek this must be your lucky day; look I’ve managed to find an empty coke bottle down here on the floor.”

“Mulder it would be my lucky day if you just let me fucking go now, Mulder I’m warning you just stay the fuck away from me.”

“Alex has anyone ever told you what a baby you can be?”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think, but you sure as hell aren’t going to be touching me.”

“Shit it’s not like I’m going to hurt you or anything.”

Mulder just totally blanked me as he started the engine, I thought that maybe he was going to just let me wet myself after all. No such luck at all as he drove a short distance, he’d found a deserted layby and pulled in.

Shit there was no way he was doing this to me, all I wanted was for this shit to wear off so I could move.

“Come on Krycek let’s get you sorted out then.”

Mulder got out and opened the rear door, shit he then knelt over my legs and opened my zipper.

“Mulder fuckin do it and I’ll fuckin kill you.”

“Shit you and what army, you couldn’t hurt a fly at the moment Krycek and you don’t scare me.”

I closed my eyes tight and refused to look at him, I could feel his long fingers pulling at my jeans and underwear as he freed my cock. Then things just got worse as I felt his hands upon my bare skin, shit he took my cock in his hand and held it as he waited.

“Come on Krycek as I haven’t got all day, I have places to be and things to do.”

“Shit Mulder I can’t with you watching me.”

“Can’t what?”

“Fuck you.”

“Just tell me, come on Krycek what is it that you can’t do?”

“You fuckin know Mulder.”

“Maybe I can help you along Alex.”

“I’ll kill you Mulder.”

“Really.”

“The minute I can move you’re a dead man.”

“Fine I’ll have to keep you paralyzed then.”

“Mulder a fuckin bullet would be preferable to this.”

“Yeah and I told you before, a bullet would be far too easy for the likes of you.”

I lay there and kept my eyes shut, hell maybe I could just pretend he wasn’t there. Great I forgot this was Mulder we were talking about, Mulder the man who had to always be different from everyone else on this fuckin planet.

I suddenly felt his thumb brush the tip of my cock, I had to wonder if it was Mulders sick way of embarrassing me and his way of making me suffer. Well I came to the conclusion that I didn’t need Mulder to embarrass me as I could do it myself, as just to make it worse I could feel my cock start to become hard.

“What the fuck are you doing, shit Mulder just get the hell off me will you.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I was miles away and so absorbed in what I was doing, I knew that my current actions where really hurting the man below me. However, I couldn’t top myself, the head of his cock felt like velvet in my hands.

“Mulder.”

I stroked it a few more times, it was then that it became really hard in my hand.

“Mulder please stop.”

I could hear Krycek talking to me, yet I just totally ignored his pleas. I just wanted to carry on and not let go, it was then that he came all over my hand.

“You fuckin bastard Mulder.”

It was his words that made me realize what I was doing to him, I really wanted to apologise and tell him how sorry I was. Shit I knew I couldn’t as it would just be a lie, I’d enjoyed myself and was far from sorry.

  
“Shit Alex I really don’t know what to say to you.”

“Nothing Mulder, it’s a bit late now for words.”

Fuck I could see the tears roll down his cheeks, well I guess that I’d managed to humiliate him if nothing else. I went into the glovebox and found a packet of wipes, I then proceeded to clean him up and refasten his jeans.

Once I had him fully sorted I returned to my seat, I sat there just watching him from the mirror.

“Alex do you want a coffee or some food, I have to get moving and I don’t plan to stop again.”

“Leave me the fuck alone Mulder.”

Maybe he was right, I decided to just leave him alone for now. Yet I still carried on watching him through the mirror, okay I had to admit I’d maybe over stepped the mark with my actions. I just kept telling myself this was Alex Krycek murderer, traitor and liar, also he’d most likely suffered far worse than humiliation in his life.

He’d managed to roll over somewhat, he’d now managed to lay with his back towards me I drank my coffee and ate a beef sandwich. Soon it was time to get back onto the road, I re-joined the traffic and just carried on.

  
I soon realized that Alex had become really quiet, it wasn’t long after that I could hear him lightly snoring. I managed to drive for a couple more hours until I was tired myself. I soon decided that it might be a good idea to grab some sleep, as it would be easier to do it while my prisoner was also asleep.

I drove a bit longer until I found a deserted spot where I could stop, soon I was pulling away from the main road and all the lights. I’d only need a couple of hours sleep at the most, sleep was something I’d learnt to do without in my life.

I reclined my seat back as far as I could, I then got as comfy as was possible and lay back to sleep. Today had turned out to be a very strange day after all, what with my suspension and then Krycek to top it off. I tried not to think about it and just to sleep, I’d set an alarm to wake me in two hours’ time.

I fell asleep thinking about what I could do to Krycek later on, who knows maybe a bit of torture and humiliation.  
Yet when I next woke it was not how I’d planned it, also it was before my alarm had even gone off.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had woken with a really bad headache, shit then the last few hours came flooding back to me. I also remembered the humiliation he’d caused me, shit now I just wanted everything to go away and end. I never thought I’d say this in my lifetime, but I just wanted to be as far away from Mulder as possible.

I knew that if I let him he’d be able to destroy me; hell Mulder could destroy me with just words alone if he tried. Suddenly I realized something, I was able to move once more. Not that I’d be able to do a lot with my hands cuffed, it was then that I noticed Mulder was fast asleep and could use that to my advantage.

How could anyone so good looking be a complete bastard, okay I knew that I’d maybe asked for some of what he’d dished out but not all of it? I lay there just watching him sleep, God how I wish things could have been different between the two of us.

 Mulder would never believe me or even trust me at all, some truths were best not revealed as it would just make things worse. I knew that I was a stupid man to waste my time on him, I also knew that sooner or later Mulder would be the death of me.

I had to fight him here and now just to stay alive, I had to make the most of the advantage I had. Sleep was to be Mulders biggest mistake, I moved really fast without giving Mulder any warning at all.

I soon had my hands wrapped tight around his throat, I pressed as hard as I could even using the cuffs for extra force. Mulder started bucking beneath my tight grip, then suddenly he was clawing at my hands to be free. I knew I was incapable of killing him, all I wanted was the fuckin key and my freedom.

“Put your hand in your pocket Mulder, I then want you to hand me the key real slow. I swear to God try anything and I’ll break your neck.”

“Okay but just give me a bit of space to get my hand into my pocket.”

“Okay I’ll slacken my grip a bit but that’s all.”

“Just hold on Krycek, shit I’m doing my best here you know.”

“Come on Mulder, shit you’re really starting to piss me off now.”

“For fucks sake hold on.”

“Maybe you need to get your mind out of the gutter Mulder, you might be able to think a bit faster.”

“Fuck you, at least I didn’t crawl out of the fuckin gutter like you.”

“Less talking Mulder, I’ll give you ten seconds then I’m going to strangle you if I don’t have the key.”

“You’re getting really slow in your old age Krycek, especially in your line of work anyway.”

“What the fucks that supposed to mean?”

Shit it was then that I heard the click of Mulders gun, shit Mulder had been stalling so he could reach his weapon.

“Let go right now Krycek unless you want me to pull the trigger, the balls in your court now so it’s your choice.”

Shit this had been my one chance of freedom and I’d blown it now, I really didn’t have a choice and he knew it.

“You wouldn’t do it Mulder, shit you’re an F.B.I Agent for Christ’s sake.”

“I have nothing to lose Krycek so do you want to take that chance?”

XXXXXXXXXX

I released the safety catch to prove a point, only then did Krycek remove his arms from around my throat.

“Stay the fuck there Krycek and don’t even think about trying anything.”

Shit I could not believe that he’d nearly got the better of me, I opened the glove box and pulled another syringe out. I then got out of the car and climbed into the rear, Krycek moved as far away from me as possible. He didn’t seem to realize that he had nowhere to go, I’d put the child locks on just to make sure.

“Jesus Mulder I’m sorry, please you don’t have to drug me again.”

“Accept defeat and behave yourself, that or I’ll make your fuckin life hell.”

“Mulder you’re already making my life hell, right okay you win and I’ll behave shit you don’t need to drug me.”

“Krycek you must think I’m stupid or something.”

“I swear Mulder I don’t think you’re stupid, come on please don’t give me anymore.”

“Okay Krycek how about we make a compromise, because believe me that’s the best you’re going to get.”

“What do you mean?”

“How about I just give you half the amount then.”

“Shit Mulder I don’t want any at all.”

“Alex you don’t have that choice I’m afraid, I can knock you out completely or leave you able to think.”

“Great what a fuckin choice I have.”

“Right I’ve had enough of this and need to get moving, how about I just make the choice for you.”

“Great I can’t fuckin wait.”

“Tell you what I’ll just give you half the dose for now, however piss me off at all and I’ll give you the rest.”

“How kind of you Mulder.”

I squeezed out so much of the liquid so it was only half full. I then injected the rest of the drug into Alex. Well he was trying his hardest to appear hard, he was to give me one of his cold glares yet again. 

“Alex you don’t intimidate me at all, however I’m as sure as hell planning to intimidate you.”

“You’re a complete bastard Mulder, do you know that…”

“It takes one to know one Alex, however you might want to remember I’m the bastard that’s in control.”

“Fuck you Mulder.”

“In your dreams Alex.”

“I really hate you now.”

“How come I give you a muscle relaxant, yet it hasn’t worked on your fuckin mouth.”

“Poor Mulder aren’t you so fuckin badly done too.”

“Look I’m going to lay you back down, then I plan on just ending this fuckin journey.”

“I can’t wait.”

“You deserve all you get Krycek.”

“Yeah because you’re a fuckin saint compared to me.”

“Hey at least I’m not murdering scum like you.”

“I really hate you Mulder, you’re a stuck up self-righteous prick.”

“Talking of pricks Alex, you might not like me but your prick says different.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

“Just drop it Alex, shut the fuck up right now or I will knock you out.”

I went and got back in the driver’s seat and just sat there as I needed to calm down a bit, driving in this state wasn’t a really good idea. Well unless I wanted to get pulled over, that or kill us both. I didn’t give a shit about Krycek, however I wasn’t ready to die just yet.

I’d learnt one thing while on this journey with him, Alex Krycek was officially hard work and a pain in the backside. I knew I was going to have my work cut out with him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that Mulder had got the better of me, after all that here I was back at square one. I couldn’t decide if I’d just been better off asleep, no actually that was far worse when I thought about it. Shit waking up not knowing what Mulder could have done to me, as I wouldn’t put anything past him anymore.

Great now I was starting to drool like a fuckin baby, was Mulder really getting his kicks out of seeing me like this. It was all starting to scare the hell out of me now, I was beginning to wonder just how far Mulder would go to get revenge. I also wondered how long he was planning to keep this up, or would he just get bored and end it all. Shit would he just let me go or kill me instead.

“Mulder what is it that you really want from me?”

“For you to just shut up Krycek.”

“Shit you can’t even decide what the hell you want to call me, sometimes it Krycek then it’s Alex.”

  
“Hey if you really want I can think of a lot more names to call you too.”

“Yeah I’m sure you can Mulder.”

“How about murderer, liar and scum just to name a few.”

“Well as long as you remember you’re the sick fucker Mulder.”

“Why am I the sick one Alex, come on please enlighten me.”

“Shit you got off while you were jerking me off and forcing me to come. Now you want to sit there and watch me drool like a fuckin baby.”

“Firstly you were the one who got off Alex not me, secondly maybe I like humiliating you.”

“Yeah I can tell Mulder, so in my book that makes you the sick one.”

“Shit Alex did you really just think I’d let you go after our past, well I’m sorry but I can’t after everything you’ve done to me. Maybe I might see if I can get into that pretty head of yours, I was always intrigued by you and the fact that I could never read you.”

“Good and I’d like to keep it that way, I guarantee Mulder that you’ll never get inside my head.”

“We will see Alex; I might just see that as some sort of a challenge. Simple act like a human and I’ll treat you like one.”

“Fuck you Mulder, I won’t make it easy for you to just abuse me.”

  
Shit Mulder just turned up the stereo to drown me out, well I guess that was the end of that conversation then. All I’d ever done was try and help him, I’d even been removing the bloody camera and not installing them.  
I knew where he was taking me, I also knew he could leave me here to die if he chose too.

No one had ever really been there after his parents died, I knew I’d even stayed there a couple of times myself in the past. Well that was one bit of information I wouldn’t be sharing with him, shit Mulder would kill me for sure if he found out.

Did Mulder really believe his parents were that perfect, his father had been nothing but a fuckin monster and no better than Spender. I had to accept that Mulder would never believe me, hell he’d never even listen to me now.  
I was trapped in this fuckin car and all I could do was watch, apparently we’d reached our final destination and all I could do was wait.

XXXXXXXXXX


	4. Chapter 4

I looked in the rear view mirror, well here we were at last, home sweet home. I could see that Alex was starting to look really nervous, just think I could keep him here permanently if that’s what I chose.

“Alex are you listening to me?”

“Well I was trying not to.”

“Just listen to me without all the wise cracks will you.”

“Do I have a choice Mulder?”

“No not really, I’m leaving you here while I sort a few things out inside and take the bag in. Hopefully by then you’ll be able to walk by yourself, because I am sure as hell not carrying you.”

“I’d be able to walk if you stopped pumping me full of shit.”

“Shut the fuck up and just wait will you.”

“Yeah because I can really just walk the fuck away.”

I just slammed the car door shut and locked it, as there was no way I’d trust the man at all. It was rather warm for the time of year which was good, I started pulling off some of the protective coverings to make it a bit more liveable. I had no intention of using most of the rooms, there was a guest room downstairs.

 I planned to use that room to make it easier for myself, I checked that it had a full set of clean bedding on before returning to the car.  
Now it was time to take all the bags in and unpack them, I would leave my house guest until last of all. I never even spoke to Alex as I went back to the car, I just grabbed the bags and went back inside to sort them out.

 I started with all the basic jobs, I hung up all my clothes that I’d brought with me as I had enough to last a while.  Next I opened a draw beside the bed for all the lube and condoms, I also placed all the meds in there along with the syringes. Soon I had everything sorted and how I wanted it, I guess it was time to add the entertainment named Alex.

“Hey Alex, come on can you move yet?”

“Mulder there’s no way that I’m going to help you at all, it’s a fuckin joke if you think I will.”

“No Alex the joke will be on you, especially when they find your body covered in shit and piss.”

“God I hate you so much Mulder and always will.”

“Yeah well I think we’ve already established that one Alex.”

“Can’t you just go to hell Mulder?”

“Why when I’m having so much fun here with you.”

“You’re a bastard.”

“You Krycek keep spouting the same shit all the time, anyway you will be getting out of this car right now.”

“Whatever.”

“You will walk into the kitchen Alex and sit down while I make some food. I have no intention of letting you starve to death, well not just yet anyway.”

“Gee thanks Mulder, I never knew you cared so much.”

“Right get out and start moving right now, don’t even think about trying anything again either.”

I couldn’t help but smile at him, he was like someone drunk as he tried to get out of the car. I had this feeling that he really couldn’t do it on his own at all, I was left with no choice but to help him out of the car. I then had to help him up the steps and towards the kitchen, I’d swear the bastard knew his own way there.

“Sit down on the chair Alex.”

I just watched and waited until he was sat down on the chair.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck I knew I had no chance of refusing or of escape, at the moment I could barely even walk.

  
“Alex.”

I would need to overpower Mulder to start with, get the cuffs removed and manage to drive away, yeah right just who was I kidding.

“Alex for fucks sake listen when I talk to you, pay some fuckin attention will you.”

“Just leave me the fuck alone will you Mulder.”

“You have no chance of that happening so pay attention, I am going to get you a sandwich and a drink so behave yourself.”

“How fuckin kind of you, it’s not like I’ve just gone hours without any food or water.”

“Alex I bought you some food on the way here, you were the one who just tried to strangle me.”

“You were the one who kidnapped me, you fuckin deserved it Mulder. I’m just sorry that I never managed it and you’re still alive.”

“What about you Alex, you were the one who broke into my apartment while I was out. It’s not the first time either, you seem to make a habit out of doing it”

“Yeah I was trying to help you that’s all, not that you ever listen to me do you Mulder?”

“You really don’t expect me to believe you do you Krycek?”

“Mulder I really don’t give a shit what you think about me, maybe once I did but that was a long time ago.”

Mulder turned and just ignored me as he made the food, I could tell that he was starting to get pissed off with me. Good maybe he might decide it’s just easier to let me go, well that or he might end stabbing me with the knife he was using.

“Here Alex just eat it while you can, I might not feed you again for all you know.”

“Gee thanks Mulder, you’re the perfect gentleman.”

“Alex you’re my prisoner and you will suffer while you’re here. The least you can do is shut that fuckin mouth of yours.”

I ignored Mulder as I ate the food he’d given me, at least he’d only cuffed one hand to the chair so I could feed myself. After I’d finished I had a mug of coffee, then I knew the time had come to use the bathroom.

“Do you want anything else Alex?”

“Yeah I’d like to take a piss, well that’s if it’s alright with you. Also my freedom would be good too if you’re willing.”

“Fine I guess you’ll have to make do with one out of two then, sorry about that Alex.”

“So you’re going to let me go then?”

“You wish, come on then as I’m going to need some sleep soon.”

“Sorry have I kept you up Mulder, well you could have always come without me.”

Mulder refused to reply to my wisecracks, maybe this might be a good time to try getting away. He was going to have to remove the cuffs now, also the drug had completely worn off too.

“Can we get a move on then, it’s either that or I piss my pants.”

“Fine I’ll just get the key then.”

“Hurry up then.”

Mulder came over to me and pulled out the key, shit he also pulled out his gun at the same time. Mulder could have shot me so many times in the past, I knew deep down he wouldn’t shoot me now either. I had to act and it was now or never, it wasn’t like I had anything to lose anyway was it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Right that was it now and I was getting pissed off, Alex Krycek really must have a fuckin death wish. I’d no sooner removed the cuff when he pounced, shit I’d gone flying onto my backside but I’d kept hold of the gun.

“Not so big and hard now are you Mulder.”

“You fuckin bastard, remember who’s the one with the gun Alex.”

“You wouldn’t shoot me Mulder, if so you’d have done it years ago now.”

“You’re a stupid little fuckin prick Alex, God you’re so sure of yourself.”

“I have to be in my line of work Mulder, that’s how I manage to keep myself alive.”

Right he was really starting to piss me off now, I aimed the gun at him as I pulled myself up onto my feet.

“What line of work would that be, murdering people and destroying their lives while you walk all over them.”

“I’m not listening to this shit Mulder; this is where we part company once and for all as I’ve well and truly had enough of you.”

“You’re not going anywhere Krycek I guarantee you that.”

“Whatever Mulder, I really don’t give a shit what you think.”

God he was such a smug bastard; always so sure I wouldn’t do it. I took a better aim on him and pulled the trigger, well that had managed to get his attention.

“You bastard, shit Mulder you fuckin shot me. I can’t believe you fuckin did that to me.”

With that I pounced on him and knocked him down, I was fast as I then re cuffed his hands together.

“You’ll pay for that Alex; I can guarantee you that much.”

“Fuck you Mulder, shit I need a fuckin hospital now as I’m bleeding.”

“Alex it’s just a flesh wound so stop trying my patience, next time it will be far from that so move now.”

“Where the fuck are we going now?”

“To the bathroom, you know the place where we’d been going before your stunt.”

I led him into the bathroom, I then found the things I’d need in the medicine cabinet.

“Right let’s just get something straight right now shall we, do you want me to shoot you again Alex?”

“No of course I fuckin don’t, shit are you fuckin stupid or something?”

“No Alex I’m not stupid.”

“Whatever.”

“Right you had better do exactly as I tell you then, do you think you can at least manage that Alex.”

“Do I get a choice Mulder?”

“Yeah of course you do, you do what I say or take a bullet.”

I cuffed his wrist to the heating pipe and pushed him down, soon he was sat there on the lid of the toilet.

“Right can you get your arm out for me?”

I watched as he silently let his jacket fall to the floor, he now sat there with his injured arm exposed. He was wearing a white tee shirt that was now marked red, I cleaned his arm the best I could. It didn’t take me too long to have it clean and bandaged back up.

“There you go Alex I think you’ll still live, stand up so I can remove the cuffs. Listen to me Alex, you will do exactly as I say without any funny stuff.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“Right can you remove your jacket fully now, then just use the toilet if you need to then.”

“Fuck you, I’m not doing it with you in here Mulder.”

“For crying out loud Alex, just get on with it as you’ll have your back to me anyway.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Was Mulder determined to take the piss, first he shoots me then won’t even let me take a leak in peace? I turned my back to him and unfastened my pants, great it felt like I was here all day just waiting.

“Alex I do want to get some sleep tonight you know; I don’t plan on having you wake me all night to take a piss.”

“Hold your fuckin horses Mulder, shit you’re an impatient bastard”

Finally, my bladder gave out, I just stood there feeling like it was never going to end. As soon as I did finish I refastened my jeans and turned to Mulder, he was still stood there with the gun aimed at me.

“So now what Mulder? Are you going to finally see sense?”

“Remove your shoes Alex and then hold your hands out.”

“What the hell for?”

“Because I said so, also I’m the one with the gun.”

Great so Mulder was trying to make sure I wouldn’t leave; I would show him in a little while. All I would need was some time as I’d get some rest and then try again.

I bent down and unfastened my shoes as I had no choice, I then kicked them off and held my hands out in a submissive pose.

“Nice to see you’re learning your place Alex.”

“What the fuck do you expect Mulder, shit you shot me in my arm and it does fuckin hurt you know?”

I stood there while he re fastened the cuffs, he then just handed me some water and a couple of pain killers.

“Right can you now please just stop the fucking moaning?”

“It’s your own fault Mulder, you’re the one who’s keeping me here.”

“Shut the fuck up Alex and move now.”

I remained quiet and just went where Mulder led me, we went down a corridor passing a couple of doors until he stopped. He opened the door to a reasonable sized bedroom, it had basic furniture and looked like a guest room.

There was a double bed along with a couple of chairs, also drawers at each side of the bed. I couldn’t help but notice the syringe that was on the top of them, shit no I really didn’t want any more of that shit in me.

“Right we are going to get some sleep now, you might as well remove your clothes and get into bed Alex.”

“Like fuck am I getting undressed?”

“Alex you might as well get yourself comfortable, as you are going to be here for some time.” 

“Great I can’t fuckin wait, the one time I get away from everything it’s as your prisoner.”

I managed to undo my jeans and pull them off, not an easy feat while cuffed. I then lay down on the bed and waited, God I felt so vulnerable and embarrassed.

“Right I need to give you another injection Alex, I’m afraid you’ll also have to remain cuffed for some time too.”

“Shit Mulder you really don’t need to inject me; it’s not like I can really escape is it!”

“Alex it will help you relax and make it easier for you.”

“Yeah right easier for you Mulder not me, why don’t you just beat the fuck out of me and end this.”

“Because we’re going to sit down and talk like adults, I want to hear your side of things Alex.”

“Why it’s not like you’ll ever believe anything I say Mulder.”

“You want to hope that you can make me believe you Alex, because if not things are going to get bad for you.”

Great I was supposed to convince Mulder that I’m innocent, well it looked like I would be a dead man soon enough.

XXXXXXXXXX

I watched the flash of distrust in his eyes and I was glad that he was wary of me, I guess shooting him made him realize I might do it for real.

“Alex I need to know if there’s anything you need first.”

“No so you might as well just do what you want, just get it over with Mulder.”

I picked up the syringe and emptied the contents into Alex, I’m glad that at least the stuff was fast acting. I undressed down a far as my boxers and then turned the light off, I then climbed into the bed.

“Mulder what the fuck are you doing?”

“Going to get some sleep, why have you got a problem with that?”

“You’re not sleeping there Mulder.”

“Alex can you just go to sleep?”

“Not with you there I can’t.”

“Shit where do you expect me to sleep?”

“The chair maybe, hell maybe even a different fuckin room would be good.”

“I’m not moving or leaving you alone so just get over it.”

  
I lay there as Alex became very quiet, thank god I might finally just get some sleep. Even though it felt strange sleeping in a bed again, I missed my good old reliable couch. It also felt strange having someone warm beside me, I tried to just put him out of my mind and get some sleep. Yet here I was over an hour later still wide awake.

“For fucks sake Mulder.”

“What the hell are you moaning at now Alex?”

“Can’t you just lay still and stop fidgeting, just go to sleep will you.”

“I’m not used to sleeping with anyone that’s all, also I’m not used to sleeping in a bed okay.”

“You’re strange Mulder do you know that.”

“Yeah I’ve been told on many occasions, what about you Alex.”

“What about me?”

“Is this strange for you, do you sleep alone or is there someone special.”

“Like fuck am I telling you anything Mulder, my life has nothing to do with you at all so stay out of it.”

“Come on Alex, I’m bored and never really did know anything about you.”

“So what is it you want Mulder? Do you really just expect me to tell you my life story?”

“Well yeah that would be a good start, just so I can get a general idea about you that’s all.”

“Fuck you Mulder, you can rot in hell for all I care.”

“Okay just tell me anything then Alex.”

“God you’re like a fuckin dog with a bone, you never know when to just let go do you Mulder.”

“I did say you could tell me anything about yourself.”

“Like what, shit what is it that you really want to know?”

“Is there a wife or even a girlfriend, I just meant with your line of work and all.”

“Shit you really are a nosey bastard Mulder; I don’t see why it matters if I do or I don’t.”

“Just call it curiosity.”

“No Mulder there’s no one and I’m single, like you said yourself, well I don’t really have the lifestyle to commit to anyone.”

“Are you gay or something Alex?”

“Mulder you’re the one who’s insisting that you share a bed with another man, not me so just remember that.”

“Well it’s not like I have a choice is it?”

“Mulder I’m going to sleep now so shut the fuck up.”

I lay there bored praying that sleep would come soon, I knew by Alex’s breathing that he was already asleep.

XXXXXXXXXX


	5. Chapter 5

I awoke the next morning feeling like I wanted to throw up, shit I had to wonder if Mulder was giving me too much medication. At least I could move again once more, well that was until Mulder decided different anyway.

 It was then that I realized he was fast asleep beside me, shit his hot body was pressed right against my side. I slowly tried to move out of the bed, yet I had a change of mind once Mulder spoke.

  
“Alex where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“I have cramp that’s all, I was just going to have a stretch.”

“Fine hold on a minute and I’ll get up too.”

I had to wait while Mulder led me into the bathroom, we then went through the routine of using the facilities. Having a morning erection and trying to piss is hard enough, yet it’s far worse when you have Fox Mulder in the same room as you.

“Mulder is there any chance of any privacy at all?”

“Alex I assure you that I am also male so I know what it’s like, also you will have to earn any privileges that I might be willing to give you.”

“Fuckin great.”

“Alex I will make some coffee then we can have a talk, I think it’s time some things were out in the open.”

“I can’t wait Mulder.”

I decided to remain quiet as Mulder led me into the kitchen, where he then cuffed me to the chair using just one wrist. I was left sat there as Mulder had decided to go and get dressed. Maybe it made him feel more superior to me, some people were like that and felt like they had more power when they had clothes. As for me personally, less bad things seemed to happen when I was dressed.

Soon Mulder returned wearing jog bottoms and a tee shirt, he had a perfect body and I think he knew it. Great I knew that I shouldn’t be having thoughts like that, especially while wearing no clothes at all.

“Right Alex are you ready to begin our talk?”

“Not really, but hell I guess I don’t have a choice do I?”

“No sorry you don’t.”

“So come on then out with it Mulder, what is it you want to know?”

  
“Right we can start with yesterday then, who gave the order to install the camera’s in my apartment.”

“No one, shit I already told you that I was removing them.”

“Wrong answer Alex, I want the truth right now.”

“It is the truth Mulder, you’re a stubborn bastard that will only believe what you want to believe.”

“Fuck I’d not been prepared for the punch I received, Mulder had managed to knock me off the chair onto the floor. Fuck my arm was still cuffed to the chair as Mulder dragged me back up, he then forced me to sit back down. In the meantime, my nose hurt like hell, my white tee shirt was also turning red.

I could see that things were going to become far worse, he had zero tolerance when it came to believing anything I said.

“I take it the bosom buddies stage has ended now, back to what you know best Mulder.”

I sat there and wiped the blood onto my hand, I knew that I was really pissing him off now and I really didn’t give a shit anymore.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck the man never knew when to shut the hell up, he just got his kicks out of winding me up all the time. Shit then he had to wonder why I hit him all the time, he asked for all he got and more. Realistically he was lucky to still be alive, well maybe that would change soon enough. 

“Fine I will give you another chance Alex, just remember all I want is the truth.”

“Great what is it you want to know now Mulder?”

“Did you kill my father?”

“For fucks sake not that again.”

“Alex just answer the fuckin question will you?”

“No Mulder I never killed your father, or abducted Scully along with the many other things you accuse me of.”

“You’re nothing but a lying fuckin bastard.”

I couldn’t restrain myself as I hit him once more, soon the chair was in pieces and he was back on the floor. I left the kitchen in a very pissed off mood, I then went to the bedroom to get just what I needed. Soon I was back in the kitchen with my enemy, he had not even attempted to move in my absence.

I went and knelt down on the floor in front of him, his face was a total mess and he was terrified. Personally I was glad, I’d wanted nothing more than to wipe that grin off his face.

“Last chance Alex, truth or I’ll inject you with double the amount this time.”

“Fuck you can’t do that Mulder.”

“Tell me what I want to know then Alex.”

“Fine I’ll tell you what you want to hear instead, yeah I killed your fuckin father and I’m glad I did it.”

“I fuckin knew it.”

I injected the whole syringe into him, slowly his eyes closed and he was out for the count. At the time I didn’t even know if he’d survive that amount, not that I was too fussed either way as I hated him.

I left him there alone, I then went upstairs and found the room that was once my own. I just lay down on the bed and wept, I wept for everything that I’d lost in my life also for the man that I’d become. In many ways I’d just become the same as my father, which was something I’d never wanted to be before.

I must have slept for a few hours, I realized when I woke that it was already starting to get dark. Shit then I remembered the man downstairs, the man that I didn’t even know if I’d killed. I decided to go into the bathroom first and clean myself up, then I went downstairs and quietly towards the kitchen.

Alex was still there on the floor where I’d left him, I managed to find a pulse so at least he was still alive. It also meant that I wasn’t a murderer, well not yet anyway.

It was then that I realized his eyes were open and he was watching me, fuck he was covered in many cuts and bruises along with a lot of blood. I checked him over and realized it wasn’t as bad as it appeared, I also realized that he’d managed to wet himself.

Well I knew I couldn’t just leave him here, shit soon he would start stinking up the place. I managed to get my arms under him and pull, finally I made it into the guest bathroom. I got him into the shower and just put him on the floor, I then turned the shower on and just left him there.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit the water was pouring down onto me, yet I was unable to fuckin move at all. I was trying so hard to talk but I couldn’t even manage that, shit how much had Mulder just injected me with.

All I could do was sit there and watch him as he lay towels on the floor, then Mulder just left the bathroom and left me all alone. However soon he was back carrying a pair of scissors, shit was that how he planned to end my life.

It wasn’t until he started cutting that I realized, he was cutting away my blood covered tee shirt and boxers. I was now sat here in front of him naked, I knew I had to find my voice soon.

“Mulder.”

I managed to say his name but that was all, shit now my mouth wouldn’t even function properly.

“Alex don’t try talking for now, just let me get you cleaned up and then we’ll take it from there.”

Shit I realized that he was serious as he started washing and rinsing my hair, then he started to clean my body too. I was just so thankful that the drug along with my injures was keeping my cock limp, he’d managed to humiliate and embarrass me enough for one day. Soon he was manhandling me onto the towels so he could dry me, fuck he started drying my groin and I felt a flicker of life.

This could not be happening, shit it was then that it dawned on me. Mulder had given me a muscle relaxant to relax all my body, however the penis is an organ and not a muscle. I closed my eyes and though about bad things, finally Mulder had finished and was now stood up again.

“Right hang on a minute, I might have something that could help you.”

“Soon he returned with a fuckin wheelchair and pulled me into it, he then wheeled me back towards the bed.

“I’d forgot about the wheelchair, well at least I’ve found a use for it once more. Right come on let have you back in the bed now, it’s late and I hardly made any progress today. Fuck did he not realize the reason for that, I’d just spent most of the fuckin day unconscious and now it was already night.  
As soon as he had me in bed he covered me up, right now I just felt so goddam sick. 

“Right I’ll get you some food and a drink Alex, obviously Mulder realized I couldn’t move my mouth and answer him. He returned back to the room sometime later with a tray, he’d brought me some soup and water and I started to feel sick all over again.

He sat down in front of me and used a napkin, well he was to soon realize that I couldn’t even swallow properly.

“Okay I guess we’ll have to leave the soup until later on, I’ll just let the drug wear off for a bit then I’ll feed you like the useless creature you are.”

“Please Mulder.”

“What do you want Alex, as believe you me I owe you fuck all.”

Fuck this, I couldn’t even manage to form a single sentence, yet I had to just keep trying whatever the cost.

“I can’t…. hard talk”

“I don’t understand you Alex, so you might as well just shut up and save your breath. You’re nothing at all now are you, how’s it feel Alex to be so pathetic and weak.”

“I hate you Mulder.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Well he was trying is hardest to talk to me, I’d give him that, obviously he wanted to make his point known to me.

“Alex I already know you hate me so just shut up.”

I watched him as he tried glaring at me, he couldn’t even manage that little frown that he’d had in the past. Shit I realized that I must be one sick fuck too, here I was getting my kicks out of torturing him.

“Right Alex I’m off for a shower and to clean up this place, when I come back I’ll try feeding you again.”

I was sure that Alex was wishing I was dead right about now, I was sure if he got free he’d be trying to make it a reality. I disposed of the broken chair and cleaned the kitchen back up, I then moved on to sort the bathroom out. Soon I had all the towels back in the laundry basket, I also decided to bin the clothes I’d had to cut from Alex. All I needed now was a warm shower and clean clothes, then I’d have to go and face Alex once more.

I had to admit that the warm water felt really good on my body, I was tired and it had been a very long day. I knew that realistically I should have just let Alex go and be free, but where the hell would the fun be if I did that.  
Shit more than anything I would need to get my life sorted out, I could always change my career and settle down somewhere.

Yeah like hell there were any chance of that happening, the F.B.I was my life and all I’d ever really known. Everyone kept telling me if I got laid more often it might help, however my private fantasies would be far too violent for some as that was all I really knew.

Most people thought I’d end up with Scully, don’t get me wrong as I do love her just not that way. I always felt protective towards her, maybe I was trying to make up for the sister I was unable to protect and save.

I knew that if we had a relationship I’d just end up hurting her in the long run, she deserved someone to love her for the person she was. My track record had always been bossy women, ones who wanted to be in charge like Phoebe and Diana. I’d even had a couple of relationships with men back when I was in college, however I was always the strong violent one in the relationship.

Hell maybe I just need some help or something who knows, I just liked the feeling of been in charge now and again. That could explain the urge I had to hurt Alex, some of it could be a result of my own troubled childhood.  
I wanted Alex to suffer for what he’d done to my father, shit the same man who’d never treat me like a son.

No matter what I’d done in life it was never good enough for him. I’d originally planned to just jerk off, however thought of my father and childhood put an end to that idea.

I washed myself and dressed in a pair of boxers and a tee shirt, I then returned back to the bedroom and back to Alex.

“Right come on let’s try feeding you again, we’ll see if you can actually eat it this time.”

“Mulder just leave me the fuck alone.”

“Well I take it the drug has worn off somewhat.”

Alex just gave me one of his cold looks, he then refused to open his mouth for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I only managed to say a few words, now I’m just sat here drooling like a fuckin baby. I‘ve come to the conclusion that Mulder’s a complete bastard, he sits there just grinning at me like I’m pathetic.

“Come on Alex just eat it will you.”

Shit as fast as he filled my mouth it just ran back out; I was really struggling to swallow anything at all.

“God you’re making a right mess here Alex.”

“Leave me….”

I tried my hardest to tell Mulder to leave me alone, yet I could hardly get the right words to come out of my mouth. Mulder suddenly grabbed my jaw forcefully, he then tipped some of the soup in and forced my mouth shut.

Fuck at this rate he’d end up choking me, I also knew there would be bruising where he held my mouth tight.

“Come on Alex, shit you act like a pathetic fuckin baby. God dam you just fuckin swallow it.”

I deliberately forced the next mouthful out, the soup ran down my chin and dripped onto my tee shirt.

“Right that’s it I’ve had enough now of this shit, come on let’s just get you cleaned up.”

I had to just sit there while he wiped mouth and cleaned me up, he then removed my tee shirt and the cloth. The sadistic bastard then grabbed my jaw really hard, then he went on to squeeze it tight to the point it really hurt.

“Look at me Alex, how does it feel to be so pathetic and have to rely on me. I could kill you right now if I chose, I bet no one would even miss the likes of you.”

“Mulder please…”

“It’s okay you’re safe for now, you see it’s more fun to torment you and reduce you to nothing.”

I tried to turn my head away from him but I couldn’t, shit I could see the anger in his eyes as he looked at me. He then shoved me down onto the pillow and covered me back up.

“Just go to sleep Alex as its late now.”

Yeah right I could just close my eyes and sleep, fuck that, I might once he himself goes to sleep or leaves me the hell alone. I lay there and watched as he got undressed, once he was in his boxers he got into bed beside me.

My body was starting to twitch now and again; I was hoping that I’d soon have full movement once more.  Fuck it was then that I felt something on my chest, I was unable to even move away from it as I realized it was Mulder’s hand. This was far worse than before as I wondered what he was up to now, I was only ever used to pain and violence from him.

“Alex are you straight?”

Fuck what the hell was Mulder thinking about now, he had a brilliant brain but could be so random at times.

“What?”

“What are your sexual preferences?”

“What the fuck has that got to do with you Mulder?”

“Okay I’ll make this plain and simple for you Alex, are you gay?”

“Mulder just drop it will you as it’s got nothing to do with you.”

Maybe I could just fake sleep, then Mulder might just shut up and leave me the hell alone. I really didn’t like the way he was starting to think, especially when it was something involving me and personal too.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could feel Alex’s body tense beneath my hand, he was also starting to look rather uncomfortable at my touch. Well I realized I could use this to my advantage, it would just be another way that I’d be able to destroy him.

I let my hand gently stroke the fine hairs on his chest, I then also started to play with his nipples until they became hard. I could also feel his heart beating really fast along with his deep breathing, I was rather pleased with my latest bit of knowledge.

“Mulder please don’t.”

“Poor Alex, I bet it disgusts you having another man touch you like this.”

I leant forward and kissed his soft pliant lips, I just had to watch he didn’t try biting me. It was after a few minutes I gave up, shit I soon realized that I was also making myself hard.

“Go to sleep Alex, we’ll just carry on where we left off in the morning.”

“Fuck you Mulder, I’d rather be in Hell than have you touch me again.”

“Go to sleep now as this will be your Hell so don’t worry about it.”

I watched Alex until his breathing changed and he was sleep, it was then that I took a really good look at the man that lay beside me. He was good looking, even in his sleep he still had that little frown. He was the type I’d have been interested in before he went bad, no if I was honest I had been interested in him, hell I still was even now.

I just preferred men as I could be myself, I wondered if it would be a power kick to abuse a straight man. Well Alex was here so I might just be able to get my answer, imagine how it would destroy him to be fucked by someone of the same sex.

I flicked the lamp off and decided to get some sleep, morning would come soon enough as would my plans. When morning came so did my erection, I’d have to behave myself and not get too worked up. I planned on having plenty of fun before I finally took and destroyed him.

“Good morning Alex.”

“Fuck off Mulder

“Well I can see that you’re back to your usual charming self.”

“Yeah I can still see you’re still an arrogant self-righteous prick Mulder.”

I rolled over and propped myself up, it was then that I started playing with his nipple once more. Alex still had his hands cuffed yet he still tried to push me away from him.

“Mulder get the fuck off me right now.”

“Shut up Alex, I thought you might actually want to use the bathroom and eat today!”

“So what’s this, shit Mulder are you just planning on blackmailing me, offer me food if I sit here and let you molest me.”

“Personally I don’t give a fuck if you eat or you don’t, you see Alex I could just give you another injection if I want too.”

“Do it then Mulder, with any luck you might kill me next time.”

I knew that I wanted to toy with Alex for a bit, I wanted to mentally and physically abuse him.

“Alex if I saw fit I could just leave you here to die.”

“Good fuckin do it then Mulder.”

“All in good time as I have plans for you first.”

I slid my hand underneath the cover, ha so Alex did have a morning erection too then. I rubbed my hand up and down the length of his hard shaft, I now couldn’t wait for the time to come for me to fuck him.

XXXXXXXXXX


	6. Chapter 6

Fuck I couldn’t believe that Mulder was doing this to me, I was just becoming harder by the second under is hand.

“Mulder I’m fuckin warning you, get your fuckin hands off me right now.”

“Like you even have a say about what I do.”

I took my cuffed hands and lashed out at him, well at least my hands had made an impact on his fuckin nose.

“You fuckin bastard, you’re going to pay big time for that Alex.”

Mulder jumped out of the bed and grabbed some tissues for his nose. Ha it was now dripping blood all over the bed. He then yanked open a draw and pulled out a syringe, fuck not this again surely he had to be joking. Shit that was when I noticed the rest of the draws contents, shit it was full of condoms and tubes of lube.

“Please Mulder don’t give me anymore of that shit.”

“Alex you deserve everything that you get, next time I swear that I’ll just fuckin shoot you.”

“Good then at least it will all be over.”

“I never said that I’d shoot to kill Alex, maybe I could just paralyze you permanently.”

“Knowing you that’s something you’d get a kick out of doing.”

I sat there and watched as Mulder grabbed his gun, shit he then released the safety catch.

“Is this what you want Alex, one bullet and it can all end right here right now.”

“I really fuckin hate you Mulder.”  
“You can’t do it can you Alex, fuckin answer me you bastard. Death’s so final and this way you might just have a chance to survive.”

“Yeah right I doubt that Mulder.”  
“The gun stays with me Alex, one false move and I’ll shoot you or inject you. The outcome will depend on what mood I’m in at the time, right up and move to the bathroom now.”

“Fine whatever Mulder, I need a piss anyway.”

I walked into the bathroom and emptied my bladder and washed my hands, Mulder just stood there pointing the gun at me.  
“So what now Mulder?”

“Kitchen, I guess you’ll be getting hungry now as you refused the soup yesterday.”  
“Thanks’, don’t put yourself out will you.”  
“Alex I have no intention of putting myself out so don’t worry about it.”  
Mulder led me into the kitchen, he then gave me a mug of coffee and some toast.  
“Great just what I wanted.”  
“Keep it up and see what happens.”  
“Yeah whatever, I get the point Mulder.”  
He stood there in silence and drank his own coffee, he only moved when I’d finished my own breakfast.  
“Right let’s have you showered and cleaned up.”  
“Mulder you really need to just let me go, shit you know it’s wrong to keep me here.”  
“I don’t think so Alex, after your shower we’ll be resuming our talk from yesterday.”  
“Shit Mulder I’ve already told you what you wanted to know.”  
“Alex believe me that was just the start.”  
“Why the fuck do you think I know the answers to everything, shit I wasn’t even working for the consortium at the time you caught me.”  
“You have worked for that cancerous bastard even if it was in the past, you’re as fuckin twisted and sick as he is.”  
“Believe what the fuck you want about me Mulder; I really don’t give a shit anymore what you think.”  
Maybe I should prepare myself for more abuse, I’d swear the man got off on hitting me all the time. We went into the bathroom, I was then made to remove my underwear and get in the shower while Mulder watched, he kept his gun aimed on me throughout. I knew that Mulder would use it if I pissed him off too much.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
God my jeans were starting to feel really tight watching his naked body, I knew that I’d have to jerk off sooner rather than later.  
“Right come on out Alex, just sit yourself down on the toilet lid for now.”  
“Can’t I at least get dried or have some clothes.”  
“No just sit the fuck down will you.”  
“Great I take it this is where the interrogation starts then.”  
“I want to know why you killed my father, was it an order or was it personal.”  
“Mulder I’ve already admitted that I did it, does it really matter that much why I did it?”  
“Yeah it matters to me Alex.”  
“It doesn’t matter what I say to you Mulder, you’ll still hit me because you get off on it.”  
“Maybe, maybe not but that’s not the point.”  
“Fine it was a fuckin order, there are you happy now Mulder.”  
“Who gave the order?”  
“For fucks sake it doesn’t matter Mulder, just let it go.”  
“Alex you’re starting to really piss me off now.”  
“Fine I did it because I wanted to do it okay.”  
“You must have had a reason, shit just tell me why?”  
“You were a lousy partner Mulder, so I just thought hey why not go and kill your father.”  
“You arrogant clever fuckin bastard.”  
“You see it doesn’t matter what I say Mulder, you’ll still just beat the crap out of me.”  
“Well do you think winding me up is really a good idea Alex?”  
“Maybe I have a fuckin death wish, hell maybe that’s how I get my fuckin kicks Mulder.”  
“You sick little fuck.”  
“Oh you don’t know the half of it Mulder, I hated having to work with you and act all innocent, I also fuckin hated you. You were a spoilt little bastard who always wanted their own way, you had everything yet you expect more all the time. Well fuck you, maybe one day I just thought to hell with you and I killed your father.”  
“You fuckin bastard, you’ll pay for everything that you’ve done wrong in your life.”  
“Yeah I went to your father’s home, I then just stood there in the bathroom and waited for him.”  
“Shut the fuck up.”  
“Why Mulder, I’m only telling you what you want to hear.”  
“I’m fucking warning you.”  
“When he entered I put a fuckin bullet in his head, I got my kicks out of doing it too. The biggest kick of all was you Mulder, knowing you were out there and only in the next room.”  
I just saw red and I snapped bigtime, all I wanted to do was inflict pain on him for what he’d done. I lunged at him and knocked him to the floor, I then punched and kicked him repeatedly.  
“Is this what you wanted you murdering fuckin bastard, I fuckin hate you and want you dead.”  
“You don’t get it do you Mulder, he fuckin deserved what he got.”  
“He was nothing but an old man and my father.”  
“Shit you’re even sadder than I thought Mulder, and you have the nerve to call me a murderer.”  
“Can’t you just fuckin die and leave me the fuck alone.”  
I went on to punch him until he was unconscious, now I would make him pay for what he’d done to myself and my father.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I woke sometime later; shit I was really starting to wish I hadn’t. My whole body was in agony and I wanted to throw up, even more so when I noticed Mulder sat in the chair. I soon realized I was now back in the bed once more, also I was still naked from my shower earlier on. I had no real concept of time anymore, I had to also wonder if Mulder was worth dying for. I tried to sit up but to no avail, I would swear that his fists had broken some of my ribs.  
“Just lay back down Alex.”  
“Mulder I’m sorry, shit I really am please believe me.”  
“Sorry, why Alex because I nearly killed you, or sorry for what you have done?”  
“Sorry that you never managed to kill me.”  
“Believe me then Alex, there’s still plenty of time for me to do that.”  
I then could only watch as Mulder grabbed another syringe.  
“Jesus Mulder do you really need to use that? Hell I can hardly move as it is.”  
“I’m sorry but I don’t trust you at all.”  
Mulder injected me once more, he then just casually climbed into the bed beside me. Fuck no he started licking my nipples before moving lower down, he then started on my cock that was already becoming hard and leaking.  
“You want this don’t you Alex?”  
Shit he then squeezed my balls painfully hard, that was just before he started sucking me off. I could then feel his finger as it pressed against my ass and worked its way inside, the minute his finger entered me I couldn’t hold back any longer as I came.  
“How does it feel now Alex, to have a man suck you off and force you to come? To have his finger up your tight virgin ass, well soon something far bigger will be going up there I promise.”  
I struggled so hard to talk, it was hard because of the medication and the tears. I managed to get out just one single word, I’m sure it was enough to get my point across.  
“Rape.”  
“Is that what you think this is Alex, ha you still have that to come. I plan to degrade you and make you feel worthless, just as you saw my father as some worthless obstacle in your way.”  
Shit deep down I knew that more was to come, this was just Mulders sick idea of foreplay.  
“Are those tears I see Alex.”  
Mulder bent over me and licked the tears from my face, he then viciously kissed me on the lips.  
“I will own you and possess you Alex, it’s all you deserve after everything you’ve done. Let me get things straight with you right now, then that way you will know exactly what’s coming. I plan to fuck you tomorrow and then every day after that, I will abuse you in every way possible until you beg me to kill you.”  
Shit I was already wishing that I was dead, Mulder got off on thinking he knew everything. Big bad Alex getting fucked by another man, little did he know as I was no virgin at all as I am gay. It hurt more because I’d always wanted him in the past but not like this.  
I’d worked with Mulder as an equal, yet I’d always thought that he was straight and I’d be wasting my time. I finally find out about his sexual preferences now, however its way too far down the line to do anything now.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I was already getting hard at the thought of fucking his tight ass, to be the one fully in control of him. It was such a rush to feel so in control of another person, in every male partner I’d had I was always the one in control. It was a mutual understanding right from the start, I liked to give punishment and not to receive it.  
I looked down at Alex and knew this wasn’t consensual or a two-way agreement, shit now I had to wonder if I really was the one in charge here. I was having to take what I wanted and he’d never give in willingly, maybe deep down I was having second thoughts regarding my actions.  
I looked down at his gorgeous body, it was then that all doubts fled from my mind. I was doing this because I wanted him, I wanted to fuck his tight ass really hard and also punish him at the same time. If he lived through this I’d make sure he was never the same man again, he would never forget what I had done to him.  
Great now I’d made it so I was unable to sleep, I left Alex alone in the bed and went to the study. Soon I had the old computer back up and running, I decided that I’d do a bit of online browsing for now.  
I was too soon find myself on a gay porn site, I soon became engrossed in all the torture videos I watched. Shit I was trying to wonder if these people really did that willingly, I knew I couldn’t have it done to me, but hell it looked like fun to dish it out.  
I started to visualise what Alex would look like in those same situations, great now I was making myself totally rock hard. I then started reading up about autoerotic asphyxiation and the effects it could have, the thought of my hands around his throat just turned me on even more.  
I knew that I’d need far more time to check out the possibilities, there were just so many different methods out there. I could start off with the simple things and progress, I suppose it would just depend on how far I was willing to go. Also I would need to get some more drugs as mine were getting low, I started searching through many sites that supplied what might be of some use to me.  
I soon found that the best option available to me was ketamine at two hundred dollars for ten vials, I just saw it as cheaper than a prostitute and this way I could do exactly as I wanted to him. Ketamine could make someone incapable of moving, which was something that I really wanted when dealing with Alex. I never even gave it another thought as I paid the price they were asking; I was sure I’d get my money’s worth in the end.  
I soon started looking for other things while I was here, it didn’t take me long to find a site with a wide variety of sexual toys. Some looked very interesting, I soon realized that I could spend some serious money on this site. However, I’d have to make up my mind soon as I was becoming tired, also I would need to check up on my unwilling house guest.  
I looked for a site that could deliver within twenty-four hours that way the fun could start far sooner than I’d expected. I could just imagine the look of horror on Alex’s face, soon I’d made my selection and placed my order with them.  
I finally turned the pc off and called it a night, I made my way back to the guest room to get some sleep. When I entered Alex had managed to roll over, well I guess that meant the drug must have worn off. He was snoring gently and never stirred as I got into bed, all I wanted was for sleep to come so tomorrow would come faster.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Mulder got into bed ever so quietly, that was good as he obviously believed I was already asleep. If he knew I was awake he’d just inject me yet again. I’d spent plenty of time drugged and with very little to eat, I knew that I was going to have to act very soon.  
I had no idea where Mulder had gone earlier, however he’d left me drugged and totally unable to move. Mulder had left me with only my hands cuffed together, I guess he’d not expected the drug to wear off so fast.  
I’d placed my hands under the covers, it had mainly just been to hide what they now held. Mulder had been so sure of himself and sure I couldn’t move. He had disappeared for what seemed like hours leaving his gun behind, I’d only spotted it beside the bed moments ago. I held it tight in my hand and pointed it at him.  
“Mulder are you till awake?”  
“Yeah I’m awake, what do you want now Alex as I need some sleep.”  
“You to unfasten the cuffs right now.”  
“Why the hell would I want to do that?”  
“Mulder you’re lacking in your old age.”  
“Why am I?”  
“Your gun Mulder, you really shouldn’t have left it behind.”  
“Where is it Alex?”  
“At the moment it’s aimed at your back, one bullet Mulder and you’ll be paralyzed for life.”  
“You wouldn’t shoot me Alex.”  
“Shit after what you’ve done to me, you have humiliated and abused me Mulder.”  
“Don’t worry that was nothing, I have far better things planned for you Alex.”  
“You’re a fuckin prick, hell maybe I should just kill you then you won’t be able to touch me again.”  
“Well there’s no chance of me letting you go Alex; I’m having way too much fun with you to just let you go.”  
“You fuckin bastard, shit you’re dead Mulder.”  
I pulled the safety catch back, at this moment in time I wanted him dead more than anything else. I’d been treat like dirt; worse he’d drugged me with fuck knows what. I kept my finger on the trigger and never heisted as I aimed and fired.  
“Fuck.”  
“Yeah you could say that Alex.”  
“You fuckin bastard Mulder, shit you knew it was empty all along.”  
“Of course I knew, shit I’m not stupid Alex.”  
“I fuckin hate you.”  
“Believe me you’ll hate me far worse soon enough.”  
“I couldn’t possibly hate you any more than I do right now.”  
“Time will tell Alex; I just have so many things planned for you.”  
Shit this couldn’t really be happening, I was an F.B.I agent and an assassin in the past yet I hadn’t checked to see if it was loaded. Not that anyone could blame me after all the shit I’ve had injected into me.  
Mulder got back out of the bed, he then went and grabbed another syringe. It was then that he started banging around and cursing me.  
“Yeah and I’m not as stupid as you seem to think either Mulder.”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“You clever little bastard.”  
“Oh I try Mulder.”  
Fuck Alex had managed to break the remaining vials, there had only been three left as it was until I got my delivery. I started to search through all the drawers, it was then that I just left him there in the bedroom. I knew he wouldn’t move as he had nowhere to go now nor did he have a weapon.  
Finally, I returned back to the bedroom and went towards Alex, the minute I got near he started to kick out at me.  
“Just remember you can’t leave here Alex, well not while you are cuffed and without transport that is.”  
Shit all of a sudden he started hitting out at me, he only just missed hitting me in the face with his cuffed hands. I was left with no choice other than to use my weight, I had to press my body against his to keep him down.  
“You got a fuckin confession out of me, I admitted to killing your father Mulder so why didn’t you just kill me?”  
“Because you need to be punished Alex.”  
I finally managed to get the cable tie around his ankles and fasten his hand to the bed, I’d had no choice but to thread a cable tie through the cuffs. Alex was behaving way to erratic and violent to remove them.  
“Shit Alex jut calm don will you.”  
“How the fuck do you expect me to calm down?”  
Shit then the little bastard tried to bite me, I couldn’t help myself as I punched him in the face.  
“Alex you’re going to lay there and go to sleep, tomorrow you will take your punishment like a man. I have no intention of killing you as that’d be too easy, but I plan to make you suffer a great deal but it won’t be permanent.”  
“You don’t even know the long term effects of the shit you injected me with.”  
“Alex you’re still alive aren’t you, I think you’re just worried that you get fucked by another man.”  
“Is that what you call yourself, shit unfasten these and fight fair if you’re really a fuckin man.”  
“Why when I can have so much fun this way.”  
“You can’t do it can you Mulder?”  
“It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s a case of I don’t have to fight you.”  
“You’re a fuckin monster Mulder, hell you’re just as bad as your father was if not worse.”  
“You think by pissing me off I’ll just end it; you couldn’t be any further from the truth. Right just shut up and sleep, that or I’ll gag you.”  
He obviously never liked the idea of a gag, it took a while but finally he fell asleep and it was peaceful once again. I was exhausted myself now however I was still rock hard, so I crept back out of bed and head towards the shower. It felt so good and relaxing, I had no problem jerking off with the images of Alex in my head. I also imagined what he’d look like come tomorrow, I couldn’t wait for my parcel to arrive.  
I finally crawled back into bed once more, Alex never even moved this time as I laid down. I just lay there looking at his naked body, to think come tomorrow he’d be all mine. I would take Alex in every way possible, then I might contemplate letting him go, at the moment though I wasn’t so sure. Finally, I gave in and fell into a deep sleep, I remained that way until morning.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Shit I was feeling really sick, also my fuckin jaw hurt thanks to Mulder.  
“Mulder wake the fuck up or I’ll piss the fuckin bed.”  
“God it can’t be morning already.”  
“Yeah it is so just move now.”  
“God can’t you just hold on Alex.”  
I watched Mulder as he grabbed his gun and reloaded it, he then picked up a pen knife and lent over me.  
“I’m going to cut the cable ties away; you will behave Alex or I swear I’ll use the gun on you.”  
“Yeah I get the point Mulder.”  
“Right up and move it, you will be keeping the cuffs on though.”  
“Yeah I somehow thought as much.”  
“Just shut up and behave yourself.”  
Well I guess Mulder wasn’t going to give me any leeway, he just stood there in the bathroom with his gun aimed at me. I really fuckin hated all this bullshit, it was the way Mulder was looking at me that creeped me out the most.  
“Mulder for fucks sake do you have to watch me, hell can’t you just turn away or something?”  
“Yeah right, I wouldn’t trust you as far as I can throw you so just forget it.”  
“Please tell me Mulder, where the fuck would I go anyway?”  
“Plus I’ve seen you naked so just get over it for fucks sake.”  
“Yeah because you’re just a fuckin pervert Mulder.”  
“Alex you got off on it and you know it, so don’t dare stand there and tell me any different.”  
“Fuck you Mulder.”  
“I still reckon that you won’t even admit it to yourself will you?”  
“Admit what for fucks sake.”  
“You can’t even admit that you got off while it was another man touching you, I bet it turns your stomach and makes you feel sick, all those years of thinking that you were straight Alex.”  
“Believe what the hell you want Mulder.”  
“Just you wait Alex, I’ll soon have you begging for more before the day ends.”  
“Yeah whatever, you can just keep your fuckin hands off me and don’t punch me again.”  
“You’re pathetic Alex, you can’t even admit that the violence turns you on and makes you hard.”  
“Mulder just fuck off, because believe me I don’t give a fuck about your opinions, or what the hell you think of me. I know what I am and that’s all that matters.”  
“Right just get a move on as I need some coffee, I suppose I’ll have to feed you as I have big plans for you later.”  
“Yeah well you might want to remember you’re out of drugs now, you might just want to watch your back Mulder from now on.”  
“Hey don’t worry about me Alex, I’d start worrying more about yourself and your own future if I were you.”  
“What the fuck does that mean, you already said you won’t kill me.”  
“Some things might be worse than death Alex trust me.”  
As Mulder led me to the kitchen I’d seen his face, I knew the cogs were turning in that brilliant head of his and he was up to something. I was given a mug of coffee which I wasn’t sure about at first, I somehow had visions of him trying to poison me. However, I’d gone that long without a drink, so I guess I’d just have to take my chances.  
I sat there and took my time drinking it, I just kept watching his face as he was thinking. After so long he decided he’d waited long enough, he took the mug and then led me into another room. I noticed that this was quite a large room with a couch and television, Mulder pushed me on to the couch and fastened my ankles once more.  
“I have some things to do Alex, here look I’ll even leave the T.V on for you.”  
“Why, just what are you up to Mulder?”  
“It’s a surprise Alex.”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I knew that he wasn’t happy about the situation, yet there were something’s that were easier to do without his presence. I hoovered the place and washed all the pots, it was something I’d normally avoid at all costs.  
Soon I had got everything all sorted out, I knew that I was just anxious and excited about the delivery I was expecting. I decided to go fill some time in on the computer as I was getting bored now, I was buying all this stuff and thought I’d watch a few video that were appropriate.  
God I was making myself so hot and turned on, hell and I was only watching what could become my reality. My mind kept seeing Alex’ body in those same situations, with me there as his master to dish out his punishment.  
I was bright enough and sure I’d pick things up as I went along, well if not I would sure as hell have fun trying. I also decided to read up about the ketamine and what dose to give, I wanted Alex to be awake and aware of everything I was doing to him. By the time I finish with him he’ll wish he’d never been born.  
I knew what I was planning was illegal, I should have just turned back now while I still had chance. I knew I’d lose my job if Alex talked, hell I’d most probably be locked up. My only saving grace was that no one would believe him, they say once a liar always a liar.  
I don’t think I could stop myself even if I wanted to, I had to use this as a way to let out the anger and hatred I felt towards him. A lot of people had pissed me off over the years, yet I planned to take out all that anger and rage on one single man alone. I was brought out of my daydream by his voice, he was starting to sound really pissed off now.  
“Mulder where the fuck are you?”  
“God Alex I’m only here, what do you want now anyway?”  
“Just checking that you’re still here, I thought maybe you’d just fucked off.”  
“Is that wishful thinking Alex?”  
“Yeah maybe, it would be better if you left me the key and some clothes first though.”  
“Believe me you won’t need any clothes Alex.”  
“Shit what if I get cold?”  
“Stop acting like a fuckin baby, look I’m expecting a parcel so just behave will you. After it arrives I’ll have to unpack it all, then and only then I might just let you move.”  
“Fuckin great.”  
“Actually I’ve just had a thought, hold on a minute Alex.”  
“Mulder where the fuck are you going now?”  
“One-minute I said.”  
Shit I’d just had a thought of my own, people would believe Alex if he was found here restrained. I found what I was looking for and headed back to Alex, I entered the room and walked towards him.  
“Mulder what the fuck are you doing?”  
“Putting a gag on you that’s what I’m doing, I just realized you might call for help when I answer the door.”  
“It never crossed my mind Mulder.”  
“No I’m sure it didn’t Alex.”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
The fuckin bastard, I couldn’t believe that Mulder had remembered the gag. Of course I’d been planning to call out for help, it would serve him right after what he’d done to me. I really didn’t think his career would handle a blow like that though, not that it was my problem. As much as I had liked the guy in the past, hell even I knew this wasn’t normal behaviour.  
So I now find myself just sat here alone, also with way too much time to think about things. I was wondering just how far Mulder was prepared to go, I was just relieved that he no longer had any drugs to fill me with.  
I myself was no angel when it came to sex, I was also no virgin at having possessive sexual partners. Yet in the past the option was there to say no if I didn’t like something, with Mulder I don’t even have that privilege. By drugging me I lose everything, Mulder strips away every single human right I should have.  
I have to keep reminding myself, in Mulder’s eyes I’m a fuckin monster not a human being anyway. Sometime later I heard the knock on the door, I then heard Mulder accept something and then disappear. I’d heard him moving around and banging, but I’ll be damned if I knew what he was up to. Then suddenly there was the sound of a drill, shit I didn’t think someone like Mulder would even know how to use one.  
Finally, sometime later he decided to show back up in the room, he then just sat on the coffee table in front of me and it was really starting to creep me out.  
“Alex I’m planning to remove the gag, then I plan to take you to the bathroom so behave yourself.”  
I sat there glaring at him as he removed it, fuck my jaw still hurt from where he’d hit me. I found myself been led by him towards the bathroom, I noticed that Mulder had decided to keep the cuffs on. He allowed me to take a piss while he stood there watching, there was something about Mulder that wasn’t quite normal.  
“Alex you stink; I think it’s time you had a shower don’t you?”  
“Mulder do I even get a choice?”  
“No so come on and move.”  
I climbed into the shower as Mulder turned it on and it felt so good, well that was until Mulder came over with a huge grin on his face.  
“Come on I’ll wash you then it will be quicker.”  
“I’m okay Mulder I can do it myself.”  
“Tough luck as I’m doing it.”  
Before I knew what was happening Mulder was undressing, he still left his boxers on though as he climbed into the shower. Shit I felt so humiliated as he started to wash my shoulders and then my arms.  
“Come on lift your arms up Alex.”  
“For fucks sake Mulder I can just do it myself.”  
As I raised my arms Mulder grabbed me, before I realized he’d fastened the cuffs to a large hook in the ceiling.  
“Shit Mulder what the fuck are you doing?”  
“I need to get you cleaned up properly Alex, I thought an enema might make the sex more enjoyable that’s all.”  
“Like fuck are you giving me an enema or having sex with me.”  
“Calm down Alex as you don’t get a choice remember, it will be far easier if you just stop panicking all the time.”  
“Yeah right how can I not panic with you around, Shit what the fuck was that?”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
The look of sheer horror on his face as I injected him, soon I knew he’d be able to do very little at all.  
“It’s just to help you relax Alex, you see while you were sleeping last night I was shopping. I was quiet surprised by what you can buy on the internet nowadays, you can buy almost anything legal and illegal.”  
“You fuckin bastard, shit Mulder hat the fuck have you injected me with?”  
“It’s just a small dose of ketamine that’s all, soon you’ll be really relaxed and will become pretty immobile.”  
“You’ve had your kicks Mulder, for fucks sake don’t you think you’ve punished me enough.”  
“Shush Alex I’ll go easy on you I promise; it won’t take too long then it will all be over with.”  
“Mulder please I’ll beg if you want me to, oh shit no please don’t do that.”  
I could tell that Alex’s speech was becoming slurred, he tried his hardest to fight me as I set the enema up. Finally, I started to insert the tube into his backside. I pushed it slowly until it was all the way in, it was then that I turned the warm water on.  
“Fuck hurts Mulder.”  
“Try not to think about it too much, it will all be over soon.”  
“Please Mulder stop don’t do this to me.”  
“Alex it’s a punishment and you’re not meant to enjoy it.”  
I held him in my arms as he moaned I could also feel the pressure on his stomach, I knew it would be time soon to remove the tube.  
“Five more minutes that’s all Alex.”  
“Why?”  
“I already told you it’s a punishment, it’s to punish you for all the bad things you’ve done to everyone.”  
Finally, he became limp as his legs gave way, I now knew that the drug had started to fully work now. Alex could see and hear everything now, he could even feel what I did to him yet he was totally immobile and unable to stop me.  
The time had come to turn the flow of water off and pull out the tube, Alex was making some moaning sounds as I gently pressed on his stomach. It was not as bad as I’d expected, I suppose in reality he’d hardly ate for the last couple of days. I knew that this would be humiliating to someone like him, I just wanted to possess him before I took him apart.  
Once his bowels were clean I then cleaned the shower too, I then moved on to the job of cleaning Alex and washing his hair. I then decided to have a shower myself while I was here, I stripped out of my underwear and washed while he was hung there watching me.  
“I know you can hear me Alex, do you know I’m so glad that I have an eidetic memory, I guess it would have been too risky to take photos as they would also be evidence. My way you will now always be in my head, the images of how I fucked you over Alex.”  
Jesus the man looked like he wanted to cry, while I just carried on with what I was doing. I got out and soon got myself dry, I remained naked as there was no point in getting dressed really. It was a struggle and I had to work hard to move him, as soon as I‘d released him from the hook his legs gave way. I’d managed to catch Alex and put him in a fireman’s lift, where I then carried him to the bedroom and lay him down on the bed.  
It was now time to dry Alex and prepare him for the next step, this was where the fun would all begin.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Mulder was determined to make my life hell, he also seemed to take great pleasure embarrassing me all the time. I seriously wouldn’t have expected this from Mulder, I’d always thought he would be rather vanilla when it came to sex. To take your enemy and sexually abuse them, I was starting to think that Mulder must have lost the plot.  
He seemed to get a kick out of drying me, he also knew that I was watching him as he did it. It was just like watching someone through glass, I was all alone stuck in my head while Mulder looked in. When he looks at me like that I ‘wish he’d remember that I’m truly here, what he’s staring at is a real person not just dirt.  
God it hurt so much to be abused by him of all people, there had been a time when I’d really looked up to him. However, now he scares me with what I see, it also looks like he has no plans to let me go. Just how far does he plan to go as I lay here on this bed, the same bed that I now notice he’s changed the sheets. I am laying on black plastic sheets and wonder if he plans to kill me here.  
I notice that he seem to take real pleasure fastening my ankles and wrists, I notice the padded cuffs as he attaches them to the headboard. He then just kneels back and looks at me, I can see pretty much what he wants by the look he has.  
“I hope you’re comfortable Alex as you’ll be here a while.”  
I realize I can talk if I really force myself, he scares me by his presence and also by the lack of it. I guess deep down I think he’ll just go and leave me here to die.  
“Where going?”  
“Where am I going? Not far Alex I just need the ketamine to wear of now you’re restrained. It should wear off within the hour, then you will feel every single thing I do to you.”  
Jesus has he not humiliated me enough, I lay there watching as he unpacks a box on the bed beside me. I realize they’re all sexually related items, worse is realizing that he plans to use them all on me. To be honest some of the things scared the hell out of me, some of them looked like they could cause someone a great amount of pain.  
I just lay here feeling like a fuckin idiot and all alone, yet soon enough Mulder was to return with a huge grin on his face. He then came over towards the bed, it was then that he took his hand and slapped me hard on the thigh.  
“Shit Mulder what the fuck was that for?”  
“I just wanted to see if the ketamine had worn off yet, I somehow didn’t think you’d tell me the truth Alex.”  
“What give you the green light to carry on abusing me again, I don’t think so Mulder.”  
“It won’t be too bad Alex; I just have a few things I need to add first before I start.”  
The bastard lent over me and bit me hard on the neck, I knew it was bleeding as Mulder had blood on his lips.  
“That’s just to mark you as mine Alex, oh and so is this too.”  
Mulder reached and grabbed something, it was then that I noticed the black leather collar. It didn’t take him long to have it fastened around my neck, fuck then he attached a lead to it and fastened the lead to the headboard, leaving me totally unable to move my head.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Now I’d managed to get his attention, even though Alex was starting to look really worried.  
“Alex I promise that you’ll be fine, well as long as you don’t make any sudden moves.”  
“Mulder it’s not too late to just let me go.”  
“No chance Alex.”  
I was having way too much fun to just let him go, I ignored him and went on getting the things I wanted. I opened a tube of lube and smeared it all over my fingers, I then slipped just one finger into his tight ass. After I’d worked it in and out I added another one, I then used a scissor motion to stretch him. I only wanted to stretch him a small amount as I wanted him to feel it, I’m sure he felt the large putt plug as I forced it inside him.  
“Jesus fuckin Christ Mulder.”  
“Do you like that Alex, does it get you all hot and turned on.”  
“Fuck you Mulder.”  
“Hey that’s only a small one Alex, I plan to work my way up and will keep replacing it with bigger ones.  
As Alex moaned I couldn’t help shoving it further in him, by now I knew it would be pressing against his prostate.  
“You bastard.”  
“What’s matter Alex, you can’t help it can you or admit that you want more.”  
“Fuck you Mulder, just forget it as you won’t make me come.”  
I couldn’t help but notice his cock twitching slightly, soon he would be hard enough for the next item on the agenda.  
“Ha that’s what you think, just you wait Alex and then we’ll see how turned on you become.”  
His cock was growing even thicker as he became hard, it didn’t take long until he was sporting a huge rock hard erection. It was then that I slipped the cock cage into place, I was planning on keeping him on the edge for some time. The cage had a built in cock ring to make sure he never came, Alex was looking really pissed at me and giving me a cold glare.  
“I bet you want to come don’t you Alex?”  
“You’re sick and perverted Mulder do you know that.”  
“You don’t know the meaning Alex; you’ll get so desperate that you’ll be begging me to let you come.”  
“In your dreams Mulder as that’s the only way it will happen.”  
“It’s okay Alex, soon my dreams will be your reality.”  
I licked and kissed his nipples and applied some pressure to them, he then struggled not to jump as I bit down on one gently.  
“Get the fuck off me Mulder.”  
“I’ll gag you to shut you up if I have too, so you had better just be quiet. Personally I prefer you without then I can hear you scream while I torture you, afterwards I plan to fuck you hard.”  
“Mulder this isn’t who or what you are, you’re a fuckin F.B.I agent for fucks sake. You would go to prison, hell maybe it would do you good to see how it feels to be raped.”  
“You just don’t like been someone’s bitch Alex, you don’t like it when someone puts you in your place for a fuckin change do you.”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“I swear that if you freed me now I’ll kill you, believe me it would be bloody slow and painful.”  
I knew that winding Mulder up wasn’t a good idea, I’d honestly just thought he’d yell back at me or slap me. But no Mulder never did things by halves, he just got up and went to retrieve another one of his toys.  
“You asked for this Alex.”  
Fuck I felt the pressure as he removed the anal plug, it was then that I suddenly felt the pain. Shit the bastard had forgone the smaller ones, he stretched me and forced the largest one deep inside me.  
Shit I hadn’t been expecting it, I’d jerked away from his hand with nowhere to go. As I pulled away the collar applied pressure upon my throat, shit I just felt so light headed and wanted to come. That was when I was also reminded of the pressure from the cock ring against my hard shaft. I knew that Mulder had fuckin won yet again.  
“You see, look you did this yourself Alex, you can’t blame anyone else for the situation you’re in. You should have just stayed away from me and my apartment”  
“You fuckin bastard, shit Mulder you just sound like every other rapist out there. Hey let’s just blame it on the victim as he fuckin asked for it, not once did I ask for this or want it.”  
“You asked for it Alex the day you killed my father, the day you fuckin double crossed me and all of my friends. No one else had the guts to treat you as you deserved to be treat.”  
Fuck I knew Mulder was getting really pissed off now. He unfastened the lead and yanked it hard, at this rate I’d end up passing out very soon.  
“You’re a clever little fuckin prick and I fuckin hate you, you lay there like this all hot and panting like a fuckin bitch in heat.”  
“If you hate me just end it then, come on kill me right now Mulder or haven’t you got the guts to do it.”  
“I hate you because you make me want you more than anything, shit then I hate myself for wanting you.”  
“Oh Jesus Christ Mulder don’t start thinking like that.”  
“Yeah so who’s the sickest Alex, come on you tell me.”  
“Mulder please just don’t go there, that’s why you have to end this now one way or the other.”  
“I can’t do it.”  
“Mulder this will destroy us both, shit I’ll end up dead and you’ll end up in prison. Mulder you would lose your job and everything, they’d perhaps kill you if you got locked up.”  
I watched as Mulder remained quiet just taking it all in, I could see his brilliant mind working until his look changed. Shit now I knew that I’d not managed to get through to him, Mulder looked more pissed off than before.  
“But don’t you see Alex, you deserve to die now.”  
“Yeah I’m low life fuckin scum but that’s me, you’re far better than me Mulder and it shouldn’t be you that ends my life.”  
“You clever fuckin bastard I know what your game is now.”  
I remained silent as Mulder became really distant once more, I gathered that this must be the calm before the storm.  
“You don’t give a fuck about anyone, you think by acting all innocent I’ll just let you go. Tough I’ve put a lot of time and effort into making you pay, nice try Alex but I don’t give a fuck about my life anymore.  
Great I knew now that I was a dead man.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I couldn’t believe that Alex was trying to worm his way out of this, I knew there was no going back for either of us now. All I wanted was to make him pay, well that was all I’d thought I wanted anyway. Maybe once I’d beat him up and fucked him I would feel better, just maybe that aching need might just disappear.  
Fuck this I really had to get away from him, hell even if it was only for an hour or so. I stood up and looked down at him, fuck I knew that I’d have to go for a wank before anything else.  
“I’ll be back in a short while Alex as I need some space away from you to think.”  
“Mulder don’t you fuckin dare leave me like this.”  
”You wouldn’t happen to be begging would you Alex?”  
“Fuck you Mulder, you can rot in hell for all I care now”  
“Have it your own way then.”  
I turned and left him in the room all alone, At least he’d be left there wondering if I’ll really come back.  
I went in to the study and found some whisky, I wasn’t really a big drinker but I had to have something. Maybe I thought I could just blame it on the alcohol, yeah right like that would work as I’d been sober up until now.  
What the fuck was wrong with me anyway, one bullet and it would have all been over now. Fuck now I had to admit even to myself that this was personal, also it was far from just good old fashioned revenge.  
I’d wanted him a long time ago, I guess I didn’t like the fact that I could no longer have him. When we’d been partners I never even asked him if he was into men, I took pleasure hoping he wasn’t that way Id destroy him mentally too.  
Maybe it was all just me, I couldn’t have him so I’d destroy him instead. I had to wonder sometimes if it anything to do with my father anymore, as it all about my own sick fantasies.  
I knew I couldn’t leave him alone much longer, especially in the state I’d left him. I took a couple of large mouthfuls of the whiskey before I went back to him.  
“Shit Mulder.”  
I entered the room to find Alex moaning and withering about, I could also see the bruises forming around his cuffed limbs.  
“Alex just lay still or you’ll make it worse.”  
“How can it get any fuckin worse?”  
Shit I could see all the tears; I should have been jumping for joy that he was falling apart.  
“Listen to me Alex and listen good.”  
“Why the fuck should I, just let me fuckin go will you?”  
“I’m not going to let you go anytime soon so get used to it, also I’m not just going to let you get away with what you’ve done. However, I am going to give you a short break, mainly so you can calm down a bit.”  
“Calm down, shit are you taking the piss Mulder. Shit you have me here like this against my own will.”  
“Alex you’ll end up strangling yourself at this rate.”  
I started to remove the cock cage, as I did I could see the veins throbbing and standing right out. I couldn’t help myself, I pulled the collar tight and yelled at him.  
“Come for me Alex, come for me you little fuckin prick  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Fuck, what the hell had just happened as I’d come instantly, God it ached so badly. I knew that I was panting and was exhausted, shit then I remembered where I was and who I was with. I had to wonder what Mulder was really getting out of this, also I wondered why he’d let me come.  
“Hey earth to Alex.”  
“What Mulder, are you expecting me to just lay here and thank you for what you’ve done, shit I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you.”  
“No Alex you’re the one to blame for all this and everything else, why did you have to go and do what you did?”  
“Just drop it Mulder, for fucks sake just leave me the hell alone.”  
I just felt so embarrassed that I’d lost control to him of all people, Mulder even noticed the tears I shed at what had happened.  
“Alex is it because I’m a man or is it because I could make you come.”  
“Yeah it’s…, no…, oh god I don’t even know anymore.”  
I had no intention whatsoever of letting Mulder inside my head, shit he was a top profiler and I had secrets he wasn’t too know. Mulder had a knack for figuring people out fast as it was, he could ruin me if I were to ever leave my guard down. Yet I knew he was removing the wall I’d built, he was slowly taking it apart brick by brick.  
“Mulder I’m really tired and thirsty.”  
“Fine just give me a couple of minutes Alex, I won’t be too long.”  
Mulder soon returned with a drink bottle full of water, he then propped my head up so I could drink a little of the cool liquid. I felt so dehydrated and fed up, also I hadn’t lied about feeling tired. I wanted him to suffer and pay for this, as I realized the wall was coming down faster than I’d first thought. However, Mulder seemed totally oblivious to me, well to my needs at least.  
“There’s a few things I need to do first, you can have an hour or so rest then we can progress a little further.”  
“Just fuckin great, what the hell are you planning to do to me now?”  
“Alex you’re alive so stop moaning will you, I’m afraid that I’ll also have to drug you again too.”  
“Why, what the fuck do you have drug me for again?”  
“When you’ve had a rest I’ll be changing the position you’re in, let’s just say I don’t trust you at all as you will want to kill me Alex for this”  
“Please Mulder, shit I’ll beg if that’s what you want me to do.”  
“Alex I have no intention of running the risk of you attacking me, just accept what will be and stop moaning will you.”  
“Please Mulder, please, I swear that I won’t touch you at all.”  
“I’m sorry Alex, actually I think I’ll do it now before you sleep, otherwise we’ll be waiting even longer for it to wear off.”  
“I won’t be a problem Please Mulder; shit it’s making me feel really ill and sick all the time.”  
Mulder just ignored me and went and got another vial, soon he had the syringe filled and was ready to inject me with it.  
“I’m going to give you a high dose Alex, at least that way you’ll be able to get some rest.”  
“You fuckin bastard.”  
It wasn’t long before Mulder disappeared from the room, I soon become oblivious to everything.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“Yeah Alex I am a total bastard; I guess I learnt a thing or two off you.”  
I waited until he was fully asleep and the drug had worked, I’d just waited long enough now and wanted to get things moving. I removed all the cuffs and cleaned the sleeping man up. The man was fuckin gorgeous and that pissed me off even more, he had no right to look like that when he used it to get what he wanted out of life.  
As I cleaned him his cock jumped slightly, well to say he was straight, he had no problem getting hard for another man. As soon as he became erect once more I acted, I grabbed the cage and cock ring and restrained him once more.  
It felt so good to be able to touch him, run my hands along his slender body without him fighting me all the time. I managed to roll him over onto his stomach, soon I had all the cuffs back in place and him restrained yet again. After that I placed a pillow under his groin, the sight of his tight ass in the air was really turning me on. I then pressed gently on the butt plug, I wanted to make sure it was still in its place and doing its job. As I pressed Alex stirred, I thought he was waking up as he muttered one solitary word.  
“Fox.”  
Interesting that even in his sleep he knew who was doing it to him, I had to wonder why he’d called me Fox though. This time I left the leash hung lose from the collar, I might just end up using it as it turned me on. I grabbed a couple more items from my box of toys and lay them on the bed, now all I had to do was wait for Alex to wake up.  
I studied his face as he slept, he was frowning a lot and moaning out loud. I was a criminal profiler and a good one at that, however Alex Krycek was a man who’d always mystified me. He was just so hard to read and get a grasp on, however strip him of his hard exterior and it was a different matter.  
I was starting to realize that Alex might not be as complex as I first thought, I had to just keep on working at taking him apart. I decided I’d have a quick sleep in the chair in the meantime, also that way I would be wide awake for tonight’s activities. I had no intention of ending the evening too soon, I settled down and dreamed about what I could do to Alex Krycek. I planned to make him just a shell of a man by the time I finished.  
I was quiet surprised when I finally woke up, Alex was still sound asleep as I’d left him. I decided that I’d take advantage of that fact, I would go and grab a quick shower myself. The water felt so good and relaxing, I soon had myself dried and ready for a drink.  
In the end I had two large glasses of whisky, I guess it would help me relax to carry on with what I had planned to do.  
I re-entered the bedroom and got myself ready, the first thing I picked up was the whip to mark that ass of his. He was about to suffer some pain now; it was time to teach him a lesson. I held up the whip and looked at the sleeping man below, well I guess he wouldn’t be sleeping much longer now.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“Shit, for fucks sake Mulder, what the fuck was that for?”  
Jesus one minute I’d been fast asleep and just dreaming, the next minute Mulder had whipped my ass using all his strength. It also hadn’t escaped my attention as to the position I was in, it became very clear just what he wanted from me.  
“Nice to see you’re finally awake Alex, I thought you were going to sleep the whole night away. I would have been so disappointed without you to play with”  
“You fuckin bastard, get the fuck off me Mulder.”  
Shit my back side felt like it was on fire, Mulder however just ignored me as he brought the whip down once more. It looked like, or should I say felt like he wasn’t going to show any leniency.  
“You look good Alex with my mark on you, and I plan to mark you a lot more before the night ends.”  
“You will pay for this Mulder I promise you that, for every one I’ll give you ten in return.”  
“Such big words Alex, but believe me I have big plans for you tonight.”  
Fuck I could feel the tears drip onto the pillow below, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I couldn’t take anymore. Shit I really wasn’t ready just yet to beg and plead with Mulder.  
“Come on Alex, you know that you won’t be able to take it soon.”  
“Fuck you Mulder.”  
“No that’s what I’ll be doing to you later on.”  
Shit I knew he was right as fuckin usual, he brought the whip down once more breaking the skin this time. Shit I couldn’t help but moan from the pain, I knew it would be even worse now if he did it again.  
“Mulder please don’t do this it’s not you.”  
“You have to be disciplined Alex, taught that you can’t just go around destroying other people’s lives.”  
“Yeah okay, shit Mulder I get the point alright.”  
“Alex at present you’d say anything to make me stop, you’d get over the pain and just move on. I swear that you won’t ever get over what I’m planning to do; you’ll remember me every time you piss someone off.”  
“You make out that you’re so fuckin perfect and better than everyone else, you think you’re some saint or something. Yet here you are abusing and beating me up.”  
“Everyone has to pay Alex if they do something wrong, you’ve just done far worse to me than anyone else.”  
“Shit you know that’s a fuckin lie Mulder.”  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”  
“Your own father treat you far worse than I ever have, yet you can’t even admit it to yourself can you Mulder.”  
“Don’t you dare mention my father in all this, he was far better than you could ever hope to be.”  
“Open up your fuckin eyes Mulder, god I’d swear that you walk around with them shut especially when it comes to me.”  
Fuck I’d known that I was pushing my luck, but hell I never did know when to keep my mouth shut. Mulder brought the whip down another four times, however this time he had his anger to give him strength.  
“You little fuckin shit I should just kill you now, or have you actually learnt to keep your mouth shut for once.”  
“You can break me Mulder, however you can’t hide or change the truth.”  
Mulder looked furious as he threw the whip down, I guess he’d found another way to punish me and cause more pain.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
The little bastard was asking for all he got and more, he knew how to push every button to make me react. I threw the whip down and bent over him, I soon had the butt plug removed from his back side. I decided I’d put something a bit bigger up there, I’d teach him a lesson for winding me up. I applied some lube to my hand and his ass, I then slowly forced a couple of fingers inside him.  
“God please Mulder don’t.”  
“It’s far too late now for that Alex.”  
I slowly worked a couple more fingers in, he was trying desperately to move but he had nowhere to go. All the moaning was just turning me on even more, shit then I’d wanted to come as my whole hand disappeared inside him.  
“Jesus Mulder no please just get it out, for fucks sake it hurts just stop.”  
“It’s not over yet for you Alex, you see I plan to lose most of my arm up your tight ass. I’ll make dam sure you will always remember what I did to you, you’re going to suffer far worse than you could have ever imagined possible.”  
“I felt him tense up against my fist.”  
“Alex you might want to try relaxing some more.”  
“Why you can’t hurt me anymore, shit Mulder nothing can hurt me now.”  
“Is that what you really think Alex?”  
I stretched my hand out while it was still inside him, it was then that he cracked and started to sob uncontrollably. Well at least I knew I was finally managing to get to him, it would only be a matter of time before he completely broke down. It was such a power kick to have him where I wanted him, for him to fall apart right in front of me. I pulled my hand out really fast, then I shoved it back in as far as it would go. I was anything but gentle as I did it a couple more times, I just totally wanted to be in control of him.  
“For fucks sake Mulder just finish it.”  
“You’ll be my fuckin bitch before I end it Alex.”  
“Mulder.”  
“Just shut the fuck up will you, I don’t want to hear any more crap from your fuckin mouth Alex.”  
I pulled my hand fully out and picked the whip up once more, I wanted him to bleed just like he’d made my father bleed. I knew that he’d pushed me over the edge, I knew I’d have to step back or I’d kill him.  
I whipped him a couple more times before walking out, I’d come so close to been no better than he was. I would calm down somewhat and then return shortly, I just kept telling myself that I wasn’t a murderer and he’d get his punishment soon.  
I splashed some cold water on to my face, I then willed myself to calm down a bit. I could still smell him on me and I liked it, I knew that I’d have to take him soon. That would be the final way to destroy him, the final way to bring down the wall he’d created.  
I wanted to make this last a few hours, yet here I was already struggling not to come. I had a strong feeling I’d come the minute I entered his tight ass, I searched around and found the second cock ring I had. I would damn well make sure it lasted, this way it would make it far more intense for me.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I felt like death, my whole fuckin body was in absolute agony. All I wanted was for the pain to just end, I hated the fact that I was stuck here and unable to escape. I just lay here wondering what would be next, however it was then that I heard the bedroom door open.  
“God Mulder you really need to get some help.”  
“Is that what you really think Alex? Have you ever taken a long good look at yourself lately”?  
“You’re a fuckin profiler for god’s sake, shit you must be able to see that this is all wrong.”  
“Yeah and right now I’m profiling you, you’re not as hard as I’d once thought Alex.”  
“You’ll never do it in your life time Mulder.”  
“Is that so, I guess time will tell then.”  
“Go on then Mulder, if you really think you know me tell me what you fuckin know then.”  
“I know enough about you to know I fuckin hate you.”  
“Mulder you know that’s a fuckin lie, if you really hate me you wouldn’t want to touch me.”  
“Is that what you really think Alex?”  
“Yeah you’d just end it Mulder, one bullet that’s all it would take.”  
“Yeah I’m well aware of that.”  
“So why don’t you just do it then?”  
“Because that would just be giving you what you want.”  
Shit I felt him press hard on the welts he’d caused; shit I was really starting to believe he was a sadistic fuck.  
“What no answer Alex, no because you know I’m right don’t you.”  
“Do you want me to beg Mulder, beg for you to just finish it here and now?”  
“You can beg all you want, but it won’t change a single thing now. I’m going to do what I want to you and your body, then I ‘ll decide afterwards just what to do with you.”  
I was worried that Mulder had finally lost it, was his hate for me that intense and worth losing everything for. I’d had to bite my own tongue a couple of times earlier, I’d nearly slipped up about his father and what he’d done. I knew that Mulder would never get over the truth, in time is would destroy the man totally. I never wanted to hurt him by telling everything I knew, that’s why it was easier to carry on letting him blame me for everything.  
I myself was also far from perfect, I’d committed many crimes in my life for others. I guess that deep down I really wanted to be punished for what I’d done, while Mulder there seemed to have a need to punish someone. As much as it sickened me we needed each other, I had to wonder if Mulder also felt the same way.  
“What the fuck, get off me Mulder.”  
I’d been so engrossed in my own thoughts; I’d nearly jumped out of my skin when Mulder touched me.  
“It’s okay Alex just relax.”  
“Like fuck it’s okay.”  
“It’s just cream Alex that’s all, it will soothe the pain and stop infection setting in.”  
“Why bother with that now Mulder.”  
“Because I don’t want you dying on me, well not just yet anyway.”  
“Gee thanks.”  
“You still have that smart mouth don’t you Alex, I guess some things just never change do they.”  
Yeah and I guess I always would have a smart mouth, because that’s how I’ve always been my entire life. That’s what makes me the man I am today, also how I’ve managed to stay alive this long unless Mulder decides to change that.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“I have to wonder what it is about you Alex. There’s just something that makes me want to punish you.”  
“I wouldn’t know Mulder.”  
“Was you punished by someone as a child Alex, or did you always just manage to get your own way?”  
“Oh no you fuckin don’t Mulder, just stay the fuck out of my head and I mean it. My past has nothing whatsoever to do with you, not now or in the future.”  
“Okay I take it that you were punished then, I’d say you were perhaps punished more than what’s normal for a child. You grew up lacking any self-respect whatsoever, maybe it was your father who hit you and did this to you. It made you become so angry against the world and everyone in it, you want to treat people the same way you were treat.  
“For fucks sake just shut the fuck up will you Mulder.”  
“Why is it that I get the feeling I just hit the nail on the head, did your father or someone else physically or sexually abuse you Alex?”  
“I’ll fuckin kill you, I swear I’ll rip you apart piece by piece Mulder.”  
“Oh shit you really did didn’t you, I’m guessing it was a male relative or someone close. That’s why you hate me isn’t it, you hate me because I like men.”  
“You’re so fuckin wrong, you know nothing at all about it. I’ve told you to stop trying to get into my fuckin head. Mulder even if you liked women I’d still hate you right now.”  
“You’re not actually a very good liar are you Alex, when someone really listens to you they can see right through you. You’re as transparent as they come.”  
I could see that he was now crying, hell he was trying his hardest to turn away from me. I wanted him to suffer and still do, I just didn’t want to put him in fuckin mental hospital. I’ve been in one of those places, believe me I wouldn’t wish it on anyone friend or enemy.  
“Alex talk to me.”  
“Fuck off and leave me alone.”  
“I take it some of what I said was the truth, I wanted to hurt you but not in that way.”  
“You just keep at it Mulder until you get what you want, yeah I’m fucked up so be it. Believe me though, I’m not about to discuss anything regarding my past with you.”  
“You never know it might help you Alex.”  
“You’re even sicker than I first thought Mulder.”  
“I’m just trying to understand you that’s all.”  
“Will it change anything Mulder, no it fuckin won’t so can we just get on with it.”  
“Is that what you really want Alex?”  
“Yeah I want it all to end now Mulder.”  
“What no matter how the end plays out?”  
“Dead or alive, I don’t give a fuckin shit anymore.”  
“Fine let’s get it over with then here and now.”  
“Will that be the end Mulder; will it make us even?”  
“Alex nothing at all could make up for all that you’ve done to me and everyone else.”  
“No I don’t suppose anything can in your eyes Mulder, big bad Alex Krycek who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone or how they feel.”  
“Yeah don’t forget victim abused and beat child, I bet there’s a lot more about you too. One thing I have learnt through all this though, you’re not as big and hard as you like to make out.”  
I knew I was starting to get on his nerves, however I no longer cared.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
How the fuck could the man be that clever, he’d got so many things about my past right regarding my father. There were a couple of things he got wrong but I wasn’t about to correct him. I would accept and take whatever he felt fit to dish out, maybe one day Mulder would find the truth he searched for. I could guarantee him right here and now; some truths were just better for not knowing.  
He ran his hands gently over me, I had to admit the cream felt really soothing wherever it touched me. His fingers then slowly slid over my backside but then he stopped, I had to wonder then if maybe he still did have some morals. He’d drugged me and abused me in the last few days, now here he was stalling over the final hurdle.  
“Mulder can you just get on with it, Jesus you’ve already hurt me so it won’t make much difference.”  
“I don’t know; shit this is just so….”  
“So what Mulder, so final or wrong is that what you mean? Hell you can’t even say the word can you, its rape and you know that’s what it is.”  
“I don’t need you Alex to tell me what I’m doing, I’m not fuckin stupid.”  
“You also know that you’ll end up doing it sooner or later, I would rather it just end sooner. Okay tell you what let’s just pretend I want it then it’s not rape, if that’s what it takes to make you feel better Mulder.”  
“Just shut the fuck up.”  
“Go on Mulder just fuckin do it, hell I’m giving you my fuckin permission here so what more could you want.”  
“You fuckin bastard, you fuckin asked for this Alex.”  
Shit I’d not been prepared for the force he used, one minute he was cursing me and the next he was deep inside me.  
“You clever little bastard I’m doing this because I want to do It, I’m not doing it because you gave me your fuckin permission Alex. I would have done this regardless of what you had to say, or what you wanted.”  
Fuck he started stretching my ass cheeks, gouging his nails deep into my abused body. It got to the point that I could no longer hide the tears, I cried for what I’d become to him. Sometimes I wished that I’d just stayed his enemy. The wall I’d managed to build was crumbling fast, I had to get out of here before he stripped me of everything. Mulder was far from gentle a he took me, it would just be another time in my life that I’d been raped and abused.  
The bastard had me rock hard with the cock ring in place, he planned to make sure that I’d also come. Forced to come while he raped me, I just tried so hard to block out everything.  
“I bet you like it rough don’t you Alex.”  
Shit he made a point of hitting my prostate every time he rammed into me, how badly I needed to come myself but couldn’t. I had a feeling that Mulder would drag this out, it was his fifteen minutes of fame and glory. I felt him reach around and remove the cock ring from himself, shit the bastard was going to make me suffer for even longer. He rammed in and out of me with great force now, fuck he then grabbed my bruised skin until I couldn’t stand the pain.  
I thought he’d just come but this was Mulder after all, he grabbed the lead and pulled hard on it. Shit I started to see stars as the collar became so tight, I was just struggling to breath and not pass out. Yet my cock just became even harder, well if that was possible.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
God he felt so good beneath me, his ass was so tight and all mine for now. I knew by his breathing that he was really turned on himself, he would want to come more than anything soon. I couldn’t help but pull on the leash as I came, once I finally came I collapsed on top of his warm body. I then realized that he was also doing a lot of moaning, that was when I realized he’d not passed out.  
“Mulder please.”  
“What Alex, what is it that you want?”  
“Can’t breathe it hurts so much.”  
I rolled off and lay beside him, it was then that I saw all the blood coming from his wounds. I guess that I’d been rougher than I thought, I’d scratched over the cuts from the whip.  
“Is that any better?”  
“No for fucks sake Mulder.”  
“Jesus what the hell’s wrong with you now?”  
“My cock, fuck it hurts really bad Mulder.”  
“Do you want to come Alex?”  
“You know that I do, shit it was you that did this to me Mulder.”  
I reached beneath him and released the cock ring, he came before I could even move my hand away. I was quiet surprised when he did come, Alex just passed out on me. He’d had his arms and legs stretched to the limit, I knew that the pain would become worse once I released him.  
I got out of bed and grabbed a syringe, I was only going to inject enough so he wouldn’t feel the pain. Once I’d given him the injection I removed all the cuffs, I also removed the collar and leash.  
I was far too tired tonight to clean the mess up that had been made, so I just rolled him onto his side so he’d be more comfortable. Once I’d finally got him sorted his breathing started to even out, I knew he was finally in a deep sleep. I cuffed his hands together and got into bed and lay beside him, he was laid with his back towards me so I put my arms around him and fell asleep.  
Later I wasn’t exactly sure what had woken me up at first, it was then that I realized that he was crying in his sleep. I stroked his back gently, he then just started muttering to himself in his sleep.  
“No don’t please don’t do it, it really hurts I can’t do it.  
Great now I guess he was having a nightmare about what I’d done, it was only to be expected really.  
“Please Daddy, I’ll do anything please no it hurts.”  
Shit my blood ran cold, I realized he was confirming what I’d suspected all along. So he was a victim of child abuse then, god it made me wonder how I’d have coped in his position. God I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for him, to even be afraid to sleep in case your own father got into bed with you. I had to wonder just how old he’d been at the time; however, I knew that he wouldn’t tell me anything willingly.  
“Alex its okay come on just wake up, hey you’re just dreaming that’s all it’s not real.”  
Alex’s eyes flew open so fast it was unbelievable, he then turned and looked straight at me.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I knew straight away by the look of horror on Mulder’s face, that he most probably knew most of my secrets now. Shit I must have been talking in my sleep yet again, it was something that made me want to sleep alone as it might get me killed one day.  
“Fuck you Mulder, just leave me the hell alone.”  
“What I didn’t even say anything.”  
“Just don’t look at me like that.”  
“Look at you like what?”  
“You know what I mean because you know you’re right, poor little Alex the abused pitiful child.”  
“Alex just drop it for tonight please and get some sleep.”  
“Please tell me you’re fuckin joking me, Jesus Christ what fuckin planet are you on Mulder.”  
“No actually I’m dead serious, either you go to sleep or I’ll make you sleep one way or another.”  
“When you injected me with that shit did you stop and think at all, what the effects of it were and what it might do to me? No of course you didn’t did you, shit it’s not like you give a fuck anyway.”  
“Fine just behave then and I won’t drug you tonight, we’ll see tomorrow how you’re feeling.”  
“I’ll feel a lot better if you’d just let me go.”  
“Alex you’re not in a fit state to be leaving here, not alone anyway.”  
“Well it’s not like I was planning on leaving with you Mulder, I’m sure my survival rate would be far better without you.”  
“God Alex just shut the fuck up will you and go to sleep.”  
“Whatever, you’re a complete bastard Mulder do you know that, yeah I bet loads of people have told you that in the past.”  
“Alex I’m really going to hit you in a moment if you don’t shut up right now, this is the last fuckin warning I’m willing to give you.”  
“Yeah I forgot that’s how you solve everything Mulder, I think you need to learn some self-control.”  
“Right that’s it I’ve had enough of you now.”  
Mulder suddenly grabbed me by the throat and it turned me on, to my horror I started to become hard once more.  
“Well look who’s asking for it again, to say I’m a man you sure as hell get hard fast.”  
“Get the fuck off me Mulder, shit I really don’t need this right now or at all.”  
“Ha you wish that I’d just get off you, well tough luck Alex as you asked for this.”  
Mulder reached his other hand around me and grabbed my groin squeezing my cock hard, shit within seconds he was trying to make me come. He was far from gentle as he started biting my neck with force, fuck it was then that I felt his teeth ink deep into my shoulder.  
“Fuck Mulder.”  
“Come for me Alex you know you want to, come on show me just how much of a slut you really are.”  
I no longer gave a shit that it was Mulder, my only goal was to come as I was desperate now.  
“Come for me Alex, otherwise I might have to squeeze your throat a bit harder.”  
I knew that if he pressed any harder he’d most likely kill me, shit it was then that I came for a second time all over his hand.  
“Alex for fuck sake please just get some sleep now.”  
Hell I couldn’t have stayed awake even if my life depended on it, I must have fallen asleep within minute of coming. I would just take things as they came and see what happens, tomorrow was the start of another day.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I’d not expected him to be so responsive, the man was a total slut and such a turn on. I’d thought that he’d put up more of a fight than he had, especially as I was destroying him and reducing him to nothing.  
He soon fell asleep once I’d exhausted him, which I was pleased about as I was extremely tired myself now. I had no idea how he’d managed to get so deep under my skin, I held him tight in my arms wondering just what to do. I knew the right thing would be to let him go, but then again I was a selfish bastard and didn’t want to give him up.  
I had to wonder if I could ever let him go, however he’d suffered nothing but pain at my hands and I was feeling guilty. Obviously he’d been through a very rough childhood, maybe even a rough life period. In my line of work I’d seen many victims end up like this or worse, to have a totally fucked up life because of what others had done to them.  
I decided I’d just go with the here and now, I finally fell asleep with him in my arms and for once I’d actually felt happy. I managed to sleep rather well and was dreaming about Alex, it was then that I heard a noise that was very distinguishable. I was far from stupid even subconsciously, I knew the sound of the catch on a gun been released.  
“Wake up Mulder.”  
“What the fuck.”  
“Its morning Mulder, it’s also time I was leaving here and getting away from you.”  
“What so you can crawl back to that cancerous bastard?”  
“No Mulder, I already told you that I work for no one but myself.”  
“Yeah right like I’d believe any of that crap.”  
“I don’t give a shit Mulder what you think so shut the hell up, just get me the fuckin key now.”  
“Fine just hold on then.”  
I got up and went to get the key, I wasn’t too worried as I believed he wouldn’t shoot me anyway.  
“Right unfasten the cuffs, one false move and you’re a dead man Mulder.”  
“Fine Alex, don’t worry as I get the point.”  
“Shit Mulder, you should be thankful that I haven’t already shot you.”  
“I really don’t care either way Alex, not anymore now after what I’ve become.”  
“Mulder just it down on the bed will you, also just shut your mouth for at least one minute.”  
I sat there and watched as Alex searched for some clothes, I also noticed that he was starting to look really pissed off.  
“Mulder where the hell are all my clothes.”  
“I binned most of them.”  
“Are you taking the piss or what?”  
“Hey you should be thankful that I kept your jacket.”  
“You have two minutes to find me some clothes, come on Mulder get your backside moving.”  
I started to open some drawers, I found a pair of black jeans and a white tee shirt and threw them to him.  
“I need some underwear and socks too, please tell me that you kept my shoes as well.”  
“Yeah just hold on a minute will you.”  
Soon I’d found him everything that he would need, I then just sat back down on the bed and waited. I noticed just how bad I’d really marked his back; I knew it would take some time for the welts to fully heal.  
“I’m sorry Alex, god believe me I really am sorry for what I’ve done.”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“How quick you are to apologize when you have a gun pointed at you.”  
“Shit Alex I can never change what I did to you, hell it was never meant to go that far at all.”  
“But it did, do you know how you made me feel Mulder?”  
“Shit I didn’t plan to go out and kidnap you Alex, I hadn’t even expected to see you in my apartment that day.”  
“Even though I was there it should never have gone this far, you know that what I’m saying is right too so just admit it.”  
“Yeah I know and I’m sorry Alex.”  
“Well it’s over Mulder, I’ll be gone before you know it.”  
“Alex we can’t just leave it like this, we will just hate each other even more if we do.”  
“Mulder we already hate each other, what I it that you expect from me. Hell we can’t just suddenly become best friends; you still don’t realize just how much you’ve fucked me up do you.”  
“Yeah I do realize and that’s why I want to help you Alex.”  
I carried on getting dressed and then I grabbed my jacket, shit that was when I realized every single pocket was empty.  
“Mulder what have you done with all my stuff?”  
“I disposed of it all.”  
“What everything, even my gun?”  
“Yeah especially your gun.”  
“This isn’t your F.B.I issue weapon I it?”  
“No I had to my issue one in along with my badge.”  
“Okay fine Mulder, but is this gun registered to you at all.”  
“No it’s not registered to me okay, don’t look at me like that Alex.”  
“You’re an F.B.I Agent and you carry an illegal weapon, Jesus Mulder you believe in living dangerously.”  
“It’s only for emergencies that’ all sometimes I’ve lost my main weapon, it just goes in an ankle holster if its life or death then I’d use it.”  
“So why don’t you get it registered then?”  
“What’s the point, it’s not like you’re going to give me it back anytime soon are you.”  
“No Mulder it’s coming with me, now all I need is your car keys and I’ll be on my way.”  
“Like hell am I giving you the keys to my car.”  
“Mulder it wasn’t an optional request, come on just get me the keys right now unless you want me to put a bullet in you.”  
“So what the hell am I meant to do?”  
“I don’t give a fuck, rent a car or call a fuckin cab.”  
“Oh just fuckin great thanks for that.”  
“You bastard don’t you dare sit there and behave as if you’re badly done too, you deserve all you get Mulder and more. I could just shoot you right now if I chose and then take your fuckin car, don’t keep pushing me. It’ over Mulder, I’d say until next time but I don’t want to set eyes on you again.”  
With that I turned around and walked out, I had to get as far away from here as possible I would drive back to D.C and leave Mulders car somewhere, I’d then need to go and retrieve my own car if it was still where I left it.  
I’d been on the road for months before all this, everything I owned was in that car and it was also here I slept. Until that day in Mulder apartment I’d just been freelance, I’d even been watching Mulder for some time to make sure he was safe, well I guess things had gone really wrong now.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I remained on Rhode Island for the rest of the day. I cleaned the place up and re-covered the furniture back up, I then had to deal with all the extra stuff I’d bought. I knew every time I looked at it I’d see Alex, I got a couple of boxes and shoved it all into them.  
I then went on to strip the bed and wash all the sheets, once they were all dry I packed them away in a box too. Soon I had the bed made back as it originally had been made, I then covered the bed back up with a plastic cover. Once I was sure everything was done, it was time to shower and get ready to leave here.  
I didn’t want to be stuck on a plane with lots of people, I also didn’t trust myself to drive all the way back. I grabbed what I had to take with me and called a cab, personally the cost was the least of my worries. By the time the cab arrived it was late, Alex had now been gone a good ten hours now. My first job would be to track my car down, however I didn’t get to plan much more as I fell asleep for most of the journey home.  
I’d woke up a couple of times after bad dreams, I guess that I was now as bad as Alex if not worse. It was dark by the time I finally arrived back home, it was also too late to do anything about my car. I would just watch a video and grab a drink or two, maybe I might sleep better back on my trusty old couch. I turned on the T.V and went to grab the bottle of vodka, it was then that I noticed the note on my fridge.  
Mulder I gathered you’d look in the fridge for alcohol, well I wouldn’t drink too much if I was you as it won’t change anything. I just wanted to let you know where your car is, you’ll find it in your usual spot at the Hoover building. Alex P.S Your gun is inside the glove compartment.  
Well I hadn’t expected Alex to bother returning both my car and my gun, I had to wonder if this was just the calm before the storm. Knowing Alex, he’d wait until I was least expecting it I guess I’d have to watch my own back for a while. Alex had proved he could still get in here and leave the note, great now I wouldn’t be in a hurry to go to sleep.  
I figured if he wanted me dead I would be by now, it would have been far easier back at Rhode Island. I stripped down to my boxers and sat with the glass of vodka, I’d diluted it with orange so it would go down easier as all I wanted was to sleep for a while, just forget about everything.  
I knocked back the vodka while watching some porn video, I was pretty much out of it after I knocked back a few glasses as I didn’t drink often. Oh fuck that was when it hit me, it also scared the shit out of me too. How the hell had he done it to me, it was then that I remembered the vodka?  
What a fuckin idiot I must be, well now I was stuck here paralyzed for god knows how long. The bastard must have slipped the ketamine into the vodka, now all I could do way pray it would wear off real soon.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
It had felt strange sleeping in my car once more, especially after spending a few nights in a warm comfy bed. Great I must really be one sick twisted fucker, I talked about it like it was a vacation not a nightmare. Mulder had been right and it should have been dealt with, I’d decided to walk out because I’d just wanted to get away.  
What Mulder had done would slowly eat away at me, I also knew that it would slowly destroy Mulder too as he wouldn’t forget. He liked to act big and hard, however he could never just let something go.  
After a couple of hours sleep I woke really stiff, shit I knew that I’d need to get out and have a stretch. I’d planned to go the rest of the way on foot anyway, plus my back was far from healed and the air might help.  
I went on foot to Mulders apartment, it wasn’t like I was parked that far away anyway. I went up to apartment forty-two and listened, all appeared really quiet so I went inside. I opened the door as slow as I possibly could, there on the couch lay Mulder.  
I wasn’t that stupid and I kept my gun out in case, I then noticed the empty vodka bottle on the floor. So it seemed that Mulder had drank all of it, well he should be somewhat responsive if I woke him up. If my calculations were right and anything to go by, he wouldn’t be able to move much if at all.  
“Hey Mulder come on wake up sleep times over.”  
“What.”  
“Mulder are you fully awake or not?”  
“Yeah but I can’t move though, you fuckin bastard you did this to me didn’t you. Is it so you can get your revenge now Alex, do to me the things I did to you and make me pay for my sins?”  
“God you sound drunk Mulder, oh and I only did this to you for one reason.”  
“Yeah revenge I bet.”  
“No Mulder I did it so you’d know how it feels to be paralyzed, unable to fight back or move, to have to lay there and accept whatever happens to you.”  
“I’m so sorry Alex, I realize now that it must have been awful for you and I was wrong to do the things I did.”  
“It’s a bit late for that Mulder.”  
Now I planned to play a few mind games with Mulder, the bastard had got inside my head and into my deepest memories.  
“Who knows I could hurt you if I really wanted to Mulder, or I could just sit here and watch you suffer, you really want to hit me don’t you?”  
“Alex what I did to you was wrong, you’d be no better than me if you did it.”  
“Wake up call Mulder, you’re the one with the morals not me.”  
“Yeah and look where it got me Alex, shit look hard as I’m totally fucked up now.”  
“Yeah you could say that however I’m no rapist Mulder, as I’ve been there in the past and know what it can do to someone.”  
“Yeah and then I came along and made it worse.”  
“Unlike you Mulder I get over things and move on, life’s shit so jut accept it.”  
All I’d wanted to do was have some fun at his expense, play one or two games with him before I left. I decided I should get on with it, knowing my luck Mulder would be able to move again soon.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Fuck my mind was now working overtime, shit now I was wondering just what the hell he’d do to me now. This was Alex Krycek after all who was a liar and capable of murder along with many other things. Suddenly Alex stood and bent over me, he then just ran his finger along my dry lips. Shit I hadn’t even realized that I was crying, well not until he wiped the tears away with his thumb.  
“Mulder I’m not a complete bastard despite what you think of me.”  
“Unlike me you mean, I must be the biggest bastard walking.”  
“Mulder you just think that you know everything, when in reality you know nothing about me.”  
I didn’t for one-minute think that I’d got him that wrong or misjudged him, however now was far from the time to deal with that. I was the one who was gay and into men, also the one that was into the violence and punishment. So maybe to a certain degree I was safe, Alex wouldn’t rape me because I was the same sex as him and he was straight.  
“Alex shit what are you doing, fuck you can’t do this please?”  
“Don’t talk Mulder, just lay there and accept the inevitable as this is going to happen.”  
Fuck now I was really starting to panic, I could only lay there as he removed my underwear. Holy fuck without any warning he had his finger deep in my ass, he then played around a bit searching for my prostate.  
“Jesus Mulder just fuckin relax will you, it won’t hurt as much if you do.”  
“Please Alex don’t do this, god what did I fuckin do.”  
Fuck I knew that he’d make me hard soon, then he finally found what he was looking for. Jesus Christ I was rock hard and wanted to come, however that was when the game appeared to change somewhat.  
“Alex please what are you doing now?”  
“I told you that I’m just letting you know how it feels Mulder, that way it will help you to understand just what you did to me.”  
I had to lay there unable to move, or to stop Alex from his task. The minute I’d become hard he moved fast, within seconds he had the cock ring in place. I knew that I’d brought this on myself, however I was furious and frustrated.  
“How does it feel Mulder, to have someone play your games but with you as the victim.”  
“You fuckin bastard.”  
“Yeah dominance can be a very powerful thing Mulder so I’m told, personally I’m not into causing people pain.”  
Shit it hit me now how I could do it to others, I’d always liked to dominate my partner and put them in their place. I realized that they were really the strong ones as they could take it, I was the weak one as I could only dish it out.  
Suddenly he kissed me on the cheek and then the lips as he put his gun away, he then turned and started walking towards the door.  
“Alex where the fuck are you going now?”  
“I’m going home Mulder.”  
“You’re what.”  
“You heard me Mulder.”  
“You can’t just leave me here like this Alex.”  
“Have sweet dreams won’t you Mulder.”  
All I could do was lay there as he turned and walked out. I was here all alone once more, however I now had another problem that I couldn’t take care of. I would have no choice other than to wait it out, then I’d hopefully be able to sort myself out.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I knew that Mulder would be pissed off now, he hated it when someone else taught him a lesson. I walked back to my car feeling a bit better about myself, maybe I should just drive to a motel for the night. I could do with a good night’s rest, I’d planned to spend the next few days watching Mulder, I just wanted to make sure he didn’t end up topping himself. I had no idea why I cared so much, but I did, once I knew he was safe I’d just move on.  
I managed to find a really cheap motel and I booked in for a whole week, I was unable to sleep in my car until my back fully healed. During the day time I kept a close eye on Mulder, he still had a week before returning to work.  
I noticed that he was still going jogging most mornings, also I could tell by the light that he was on his computer until late. I knew what Mulder was like, when he’d been suspended he’d have taken some work home with him. Scully had visited him a couple of times during the week, he seemed to be coping okay. I just kept my distance and let him move on, I knew he looked over his shoulder all the time though.  
That was what made Mulder the man that he was, an obsessed paranoid person that trusted no one. I had to go pay a visit to a couple of people, then I planned to return to the motel and pack up.  
Firstly, I paid Skinner a visit, I knew that he despised me however I didn’t give a shit. At the moment my only concern was Mulder, hell Mulder had always been my main concern.  
“How’s things Walter.”  
“Krycek what the hell do you want now?”  
“Not a lot really, just thought I’d give you some free advice Walt.”  
“You always want something Krycek as you’re a fuckin leach, so come on just spit it out as I’m busy.”  
“I just want to make sure Mulder comes to no harm, also that you watch out for him at times.”  
“Why the hell should he come to any harm Krycek, or are you planning to do something to him.”  
“Just do it Walt or you’ll be the one who suffers at the end of the day.”  
“If you’re not here I’m sure he’ll be just fine.”  
“I can’t say what but Mulder has had a really bad week, this may come as a surprise to you but I didn’t do anything.”  
“Shit and you expect me to take your word on that.”  
“Look this was something he brought upon himself.”  
“Get the hell out of here Krycek as I’m capable or making sure my agents are okay. What I don’t understand is why it concerns you, you’ve done nothing but double cross him and lie to him.”  
“I have my reasons and that’s all you need to know Walter; I don’t want him even knowing I was here or that I’ve spoken to you.”  
“Fine whatever, just get the hell out of my office right now.”  
“I’ll see you around Walt.”  
“Don’t rush on my account, believe me I like my office as it is, that’s without the likes of you in it.”  
I never even bothered to answer him, I just turned around and walked out of his office. I was willing to take his shit as long as Mulder was okay. I planned to follow Mulder until he returned to work, then I would have to decide what I’d do next.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I would be glad to finally return to work, hopefully my life might return back to some sort of normality. However, first there were some things regarding my father that I wanted to know, Alex had refused to tell me anything at all. He had claimed that I knew very little, hell I was starting to think he might be right.  
I was well aware that my father had been a member of the consortium, so I couldn’t understand what he was meant to be hiding. I realized that I should have searched my Father’s office, that or demand some answers from old Smokey.  
However, now I had no intention of going anywhere, I was officially back to been Agent Mulder in the morning. I also knew that cancerous bastard would show up sooner or later, that would be when I demanded some answers.  
Work was really uneventful, just the usual boring paperwork and reports. I craved a case that would really hold my attention, but no it wasn’t to be. All I got when I went home was a note in my apartment, it appeared that everyone just came and went as they pleased like it was an open house.  
I picked up the letter, however I never recognized the handwriting so I tore it open.  
Dear Mr Mulder I have some information that may help you, meet me at the Park across from the Hoover building. Make sure that you come alone and are not followed at all.  
The letter was unsigned, however I could tell that the paper and envelope were of expensive quality. They wanted to meet tonight within an hour, all I had to do was decide whether to go or not. It was me and my curiosity got the better of me, as usual I saw no danger and just rushed in.  
Once I reached the meeting place I saw my contact, well I had to admit that this was a surprise. I looked around to check that the man was also alone, I had to wonder just what the Englishman wanted with me.  
“Good evening Mr Mulder.”  
“Why did you want me to come here?”  
“You’ve been looking for something, I understand that you’re looking for information regarding your Father?”  
“What’s it matter to you?”  
“I have the information you want; I knew I’d end up having to bring it to you myself. Alex Krycek always was a weak link and would never tell you, even if it meant he himself suffered.”  
“What the hell are you going on about?”  
“Just read the files Mr Mulder, you will find the truths you search for.”  
“What about Alex Krycek, why was he the weak link if he didn’t tell me anything.”  
“Alex Krycek fell in love with you some time ago.”  
“That’s nothing but a lie.”  
“Think about it Mr Mulder.”  
“He killed my fuckin Father for crying out loud.”  
“Just read the files, then you’ll understand just where Alex’s loyalties lie and who with.”  
The Englishman held out the file for me to take, I just stood there looking at him.  
“It’s your choice Mr Mulder, do you want to learn the truth no matter how painful it may be.”  
I took the files and then walked away, I would see for myself what the big secret was. I also wanted to know what he meant about Alex, the man was straight and I’d destroyed him for life. I would work things out later, for now I’d just go home and read them before I tried to understand them.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Fuck something was most certainly going on, I’d been following Mulder for some time and hadn’t expected this. I’d followed him to the park, I’d not expected the Englishman to be there to meet him. I had remained in the shadows just watching, I then also watched as he handed over some files. Shit I didn’t want Mulder to learn the truth, he’d looked up to his Father and had wanted his trust. Also Mulder really didn’t need to know about me, or whose side I was on.  
I knew if all the truths came out I’d be finished; Spender would be out for my blood. Well I had no intention of visiting Old Smokey, however the Englishman was a different matter. Upon arrival I was met by his butler, I was then shown in to a large study and told to wait. He was defiantly into his old English furniture, god and the walls were just full of books, row upon row of them.  
Soon the door opened and the Englishman walked in, he smiled like he’d been expecting me to come here.  
“Alex what brings you here, can I offer you a drink or something else maybe. Where are my manners, please Alex take a seat and sit down?”  
“I’m fine, I came here just to ask you something.”  
“Very well, ask away and I’ll try and oblige you.”  
“You met Mulder earlier today, I want to know why you met him and what you gave him?”  
“Alex is that really any of your business.”  
“You tell me, it’s my life on the line if he learns anything.”  
“I gave him the folders regarding his Father.”  
“Shit why?”  
“Because it’s time he learnt the truth, things have gone on longer than need be.”  
“So he’ll learn the reason why I killed Bill Mulder?”  
“I think he already knows how you feel about him.”  
“What the hell does that mean?”  
“I may have told him that you’re in love with him.”  
“You do realize you’ve just signed my death warrant; Smokey will want me dead for sure now.”  
“Just stay low for a while and it will all blow over eventually.”  
“Yeah easy for you to sit there and say that, shit it’s not you it affects.”  
“Alex is there anything else that I can help you with before you leave.”  
“No nothing else matters now, it’s too fuckin late for me.”  
“Very well I’ll be here should you need me.”  
“Great thanks for that, maybe you could tell Spender to lay off me.”  
“I will try Alex, just disappear for a while until its safe.”  
“Yeah right, I’d better get the hell out of here then. You can maybe pay for my funeral if it comes to it.”  
“You will be fine Alex so try not to worry, I will make sure that I speak with Spender.”  
“Yeah whatever, I guess that’s the best I’m going to get then.”  
I got up and left with nowhere to go, great what the fuck was I meant to do now. I couldn’t live in my car for much longer, shit and I couldn’t think of anywhere to go that was safe.  
I went to check up on Spender, I just wanted to know what the cancerous bastard was up to. I had to know if he was looking for me at all. I’d gone on foot and found Spenders office, I broke in and found very little of use to me. Maybe it was time to hit the road after all, I would need to get as far away from D.C as possible. I returned back to my car, or should I say that I returned to find my car gone. Shit I’d just lost every fuckin possession I owned, now I had nothing left or nowhere to go.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Once back at my apartment I opened the files, there appeared to be stuff I didn’t even know about. It also apparently knew very little about my own Father. Apart from the fact he sounded just like Spender had been.  
The files were very specific; hell some were even wrote in my own Fathers handwriting. Bill Mulder had been responsible for so many deaths in the past, also the abduction of his own Daughter. The more I read the more I despised the man, it was like he’d had some secret life away from home.  
Originally it was meant to be me that had disappeared, however my Father had chosen my Sister Samantha instead. He had wanted me to follow in his footstep and join the consortium and be like him.  
There were also files on me, or more specific the problem that I was to them. Apparently Bill Mulders son wasn’t playing ball, I was the total opposite of what my Father had wanted in a son. He’d been given the order to clean his mess up before it became an even bigger problem, basically it meant that he was to dispose of me. Shit kill his own flesh and blood, some Father he was turning out to be.  
Apparently the date had been set, my Father was to lure me over with information. From what I could make out it was me who should have died that night. It was the date of my death and not my fathers. The next report stated that he would terminate me with a bullet to the head, if he wavered at all Alex Krycek was meant to step in. IF my father failed Alex was meant to kill me instead.  
It was ordered that Alex be terminated as a traitor, however no one had managed to get hold of him yet. Shit so he was on the run for trying to protect me, he risked everything to protect me from my own fuckin father. The one person who’d wanted to protect me, shit I’d abused and raped the man. I suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, I couldn’t hold back any longer as I violently threw up. I had to wonder if my life could get any more fucked up., I somehow just didn’t think it could be possible.  
My biggest problem would be Alex; the man was near impossible to find at the best of times. I even got the lone gunmen to help me but Alex had remained as elusive as ever. What a fuckin idiot I’d been, I’d always been a stubborn bastard right since childhood.  
I’d tried everything I could think of yet nothing, I’d even gone back to see the Englishman, he just told me that Alex was now on the run. As usual I demanded answers, ones that deep down I most probably knew. Yes, Alex was in love with me, also he was gay and always had been. So I’d abused him believing he’d killed my father without reason, I then raped him because I believed him to be straight, I’d thought it would destroy him to have another man touch him.  
I was a top profiler and had to wonder how his mind worked, he’d hidden the fact that he was gay so well that I honestly believed he was straight. Also the fact that he was in love with me of all people, Jesus he’d just been raped by the man he was in love with. I had no idea what that must have done to him, especially as he’d also been abused as a child by someone who he’d loved. I just knew that he’d never be found unless he wanted to be found, that I guess was how he’d managed to stay alive for so long.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Shit now I had nothing at all left, maybe I could just steal another car from somewhere. However, I knew that could draw far too much attention to me, all I wanted now was to just disappear for a while. I scraped together all the change I had in my pockets, I didn’t have enough for anything really useful at all. I knew that I should really spend it on some food but I had better ideas.  
I found a small liquor store and went inside, I’d just spend the remainder of my money on a small bottle of vodka and that was it. I knew it was a stupid idea but I know longer cared anyway, I just found a park bench and planned to get drunk. It was early evening and there wasn’t too many people about, which was just the way I preferred it to be.  
I was pissed and didn’t give a shit anymore about anything, I would need to get as far away from D.C and very soon. Yet here I was knocking back the vodka like it was water, now I’d drank far too much and wouldn’t be able to drive anyway. Now I had to figure out where I’d go, also where the hell I would get some money from.  
Nothing mattered tonight as I fell asleep where I sat, not surprisingly I woke to feel like shit. I had thought about paying Skinner a visit and using some gentle persuasion. Just lately though I’d noticed that old Smokey was always in Skinners office I knew I was very limited as to where I could go, it wasn’t like I had that many friends as most worked for Spender.  
I would be dead the minute he found out where I was, so realistically sitting out here on a bench was not one of my brightest ideas. I started walking towards Hegal place and stayed in the shadows, I was soon rewarded with Mulder leaving and dressed for work.  
I had to wonder if I should be doing this as he could come back, also I knew that I didn’t want to face Mulder right now as he knew everything. The last time I’d been here I’d managed to piss him off, which was something that I seemed to do a lot when we were together. Yet these were desperate times and that meant desperate measures, if Mulder came home so be it.  
I went up to his apartment and let myself in, the place was quiet so I might be okay for a while. I looked in the fridge to find no food at all, hell did the man live on anything other than takeaways. I finally found a few tins of beans and soup in a cupboard, I opted for a tin of beans and ate them cold.  
It felt strange to be in his home once more, especially after what I did to him on my last visit. I booted his computer up after only a couple of minutes, not that his password had been hard as he was predictable. I just went through all the latest internet sites he’d been on, I also checked out all his files and emails while I was at it.  
I had always been good at computers, I knew how to get in and out without leaving a trace. Well it appeared that Mulder had been looking for me and had tried many things, yeah he most likely just wanted to end my sad pathetic life.  
I also went through all his desk drawers, but I couldn’t find the file he’d obtained anywhere at all. It was time that I deleted every trace that I’d been on his computer. Mulder would never even know I’d been here, well unless I decided that I wanted him to know.  
All I’d wanted was to get rid of the file before Mulder read it, I really didn’t want him to know why I killed his father. Knowing my luck Mulder had perhaps already looked at it, if he knew my life would become even worse.  
A part of me wanted Mulder to worry, to know that I could come and go whenever I wanted. I should really be dealing with the matter at hand, I needed some money and fast.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
All the recent revelations where really beginning to affect my work, I just couldn’t manage to keep my mind on the matters at hand. Scully wasn’t stupid and knew something was wrong, she also tried so hard to get me to talk to her. Shit what the hell was I supposed to say to her? Yeah right Scully your partners sick in the head and needs help, like that would go down too well with her. How could I tell her that I took a man hostage and held him against his will, let’s not forget the fact that I also drugged and abused him?  
I could understand how Scully would be repulsed, shit I was even repulsed by my own behaviour. I had to just tell her it was because of my previous suspension, I told her that I’d just spent the time thinking about things and my life. We had gone out at lunch time, after ward Scully went to get some blood sorted from the haematology department. I returned back to my office to get on with some work, however I found Skinner sat at my desk looking fed up.  
“What do I owe this pleasure Sir, I take it there’s a reason for you to come down here?”  
“I had a visit from our smoking friend.”  
“What the hell does he want now?”  
“He said that he was looking for Alex Krycek and it was urgent that he find him.”  
“Why did he say what he wanted him for?”  
“No he didn’t, but he seemed to be under the impression that you’d know where Alex was.”  
“How the hell would I know the whereabouts of Alex Krycek?”  
“Yeah that’s pretty much what I said to Spender.”  
“Yeah and then what?”  
“Spender claims that you’ve had some recent contact with Krycek.”  
“Fuck knows where he gets his information from, I haven’t seen Krycek in ages.”  
“Well I’d just thought it was worth asking you, oh and Scully also seems to be concerned about you.”  
“Why should he be worried about me?”  
“Scully said that there wasn’t anything specific, you just seemed very distant and unmotivated.”  
“What the fuck do people want from me? You’re the one who saw fit to suspend me for two fuckin weeks.”  
“Calm down right now Agent Mulder.”  
“Like fuck will I calm down, maybe I’ve just had some time to think about a few things.”  
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean Agent Mulder?”  
“You suspended me because I was irresponsible, hell maybe you’re right Sir.”  
“I’m sure you’ll be fine once you adjust to been back at work.”  
“Is that what you believe Sir, I’m not so sure any more about myself or my role here.”  
“What are you saying Agent Mulder? I thought that you were happy with the work you do here.”  
“Maybe I just need some more time to think things over.”  
“Well take more time then if you need it, don’t go rushing in and resigning as you might regret it later on.”  
“I’ll stay for now and just see how it goes.”  
“Well you have plenty of vacation time should you need it.”  
“I’ll get back to you on that one Sir.”  
“Very well Agent Mulder.”  
XXXXXXXXXX  
Mulder didn’t realize just how lucky he was, okay so his childhood had been a bit fucked up like mine had been. Mulder had never had a parent that had abused him like my father has, but hell his father had never been supportive of his work. Mulder had got past all that and how he looked upon life. God he had a good career, along with some friends who’d do anything for him.  
I knew that I was just feeling sorry for myself, yet I felt that I had a reason after what everyone had done to me. I went into his bedroom and stripped out of my clothes, I then emptied the contents of the pockets out. All there was were some very small change, oh there was also a vial and a syringe.  
That was something that I did blame Mulder for, I’d started using the drug every time the depression set in. I knew that I was becoming far more dependent on it and would need to get some more real soon. I knew that I was taking a risk but I really needed a shower and to be clean, I got under the warm water and thought of Mulder.  
My thoughts drifted to the time he’d had me hostage, the time he had forced and orgasm out of me that was more intense than any other in my life. Now it didn’t matter how hard I became, I wasn’t even able to jerk off any more. Nothing did it for me anymore, I presumed it was either because of Mulder or the ketamine. I tried not to think about things too hard, I finally felt a lot cleaner and then I switched the shower off. Once I’d dried off I looked at my clothes, shit they were becoming really dirty and I had no more at all now. I opened Mulders draw and soon found some jeans and a tee shirt, also some clean underwear and socks.  
I got dressed and finally put my shoes back on then I just sat down on the bed, shit what was wrong with me as I couldn’t stop the flow of tears. I decided fuck everything, I’d just take the drug now as nothing mattered anymore. I’d try to find a way to deal without it later on, I knew that I was well and truly addicted to the shit.  
I filled the syringe and injected myself with it before laying down on the bed, soon I had my pants open and my hand inside them. Great now I could only get off while drugged up or thinking about Mulder. A shrink would have a field day with me, hell maybe I should just pay one a visit or have myself committed.  
Not that I could have moved even if my life depended on it, it was about three hours later before the drug wore off, shit I then realized I had to move fast before Mulder came back home. I soon cleaned myself back up and re dressed, I knew I was going to need some money even just for food. I would be able to hitch a lift to wherever I was going to go, even though I had a pretty good idea where I’d go.  
After opening a few drawers, I found some cash I didn’t want loads just enough for now. I counted out two hundred dollars and shoved it into my jacket pocket, I then looked around for a pen and some paper, which was no easy job in Mulders apartment.  
I then left him a note on the coffee table along with my watch and a ring, it was now the time to leave and hit the road once again.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
God all I wanted was to get out of here, just to go home and be able to forget about everything. I’d told Scully that I was calling it a day, what work I had left could be done at home on my computer. I grabbed all the files that I’d need and headed out of the door, the journey home had felt like a long one as I was so tired.  
I unlocked my apartment door and entered, the first thing I noticed was the note on my coffee table. I held up the watch along with the ring and looked at them, I knew that the watch belonged to Alex as I’d removed it when I cuffed him to the bed. As for the ring, well I’d never seen that before. Well it was as obvious as hell that Alex had been here today, I flipped open the piece of paper and read the note.  
Mulder I’m sorry but I had nowhere else to go, I’m just so fucked up at the moment and need to get away from here. I borrowed some of your clothes, oh and I also borrowed two hundred dollars. I hope to pay you it all back real soon, if I don’t make it back just sell my watch and ring. The watch alone is worth well more than that, as for the ring I’m unsure of what it’s worth other than sentimental value to me. It had been my mothers and she gave it to me the day I left home, the last time that I ever saw her. Things had gone wrong and she now believes that I’m dead. Great now I’ve lost track of what I was saying, anyway basically I’m leaving here now so you can do what you want with them. By the way I still hate you for making me feel this way. Alex  
I looked at the jewellery and wondered if he’d be back, I opened my desk draw and put them inside for safe keeping. Out of sight out of mind, yeah right who the hell was I trying to kid. I grabbed a shower and changed before grabbing my dirty laundry, as I went to put them in the basket I noticed it already had Alex’s clothes inside. There was also a towel among them, everything smelt of Alex and leather. God the man had totally got under my skin, what I’d started out as a punishment had well and truly backfired on me.  
I grabbed some jogging pants and a tee shirt, I then just grabbed my trainers and wallet as I didn’t want to drive now. I just wanted to get out of here and clear my head, so I jogged as far as the nearest liquor store. Once back home I poured myself a large glass of vodka, I planned to spend the night just punishing myself. I’d only just managed to knock back a couple of glasses before falling asleep, everything in my depressing life had finally caught up with me.  
It was some time later that I woke to the ringing noise, shit it was then that I realized it was my mobile. I managed to drag myself up off the couch and grab it, shit I nearly fell over the bloody coffee table as I reached it.  
“Mulder here.”  
“Agent Mulder its Walter Skinner.”  
“What’s up Sir?”  
“I need your expertise on a case urgently Agent Mulder.”  
“What tonight?”  
“We have an agent missing, he was working on a case and they found his car abandoned.”  
“So how can I help; I’d have thought you’d have better agents for that job.”  
“We found some evidence that he was taken by force, we’re putting a team together and you’re the best profiler we have.”  
“Okay just give me an hour and I’ll be there.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
The first day had gone reasonably okay, I’d managed to get a lift and was closer to my destination. I’d thought of the most perfect destination; I was heading back to Rhode Island. I knew that Mulder hardly went there any more, here I was homeless while that home just stood empty. It would be a roof over my head for now, to be honest I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.  
By day three I’d hitched just over half way there, a lot of people wouldn’t stop for hitchhikers anymore. My main problem by then was the withdrawal symptoms, I really needed to get my hands on some more ketamine or something. I knew to most people passing I’d look like a user, so I’d need to find a dealer real fast.  
I scoured all the back streets, it was only a matter of time until the dealers came up to me. I finally had what I wanted, however I’d bought six vials and only had a few dollars left now. I found a service station and cleaned myself up, I then injected a very small amount of the ketamine into me. I wanted it just to tide me over for now, I didn’t want to scare off any potential drivers. Once I felt like I could face the world again I left in search of a lift.  
It was to take another two days before I got anywhere near my destination, just a few more hours and the last few days of hell would be over. I should have used the drugs before I came here, then I could have stayed until it was out of my system. I had some left though and knew I’d use them; I wasn’t in a fit state of mind to stop using them yet.  
One more lift and a couple of hours later I arrived at the house, I had no trouble at all popping the lock. The place just seemed really different now though, I realized it was because Mulder had cleaned it all back up. I went into the guest room and had a look around, shit this room held o many memories for me. I started opening the drawers to see if anything had been left behind, however it appeared that every draw was empty.  
I then pulled the plastic sheet off the bed and rolled it up, I knew it was most probably sick to want to sleep in that bed again. It was then that I noticed something under the bed, so I bent down to get a better look at what it was. There under the bed was two cardboard boxes, so I decided to pull them both out.  
I sat down with my back against the wall and stared at them, finally I pulled out the contents and lay them on the floor. The boxes contained everything that Mulder had used on me, he’d even kept the sheets that now smelt rather clean. I stripped all the bedding from the bed and remade it, this time I used the sheets that Mulder had bought. Soon I’d put most of the things back in the drawers, there were a couple of things I’d kept out as I planned to use them.  
I applied plenty of lube to my own ass so it would be a bit easier, I then took the largest butt plug and forced it in me. As soon as I became hard I also used the cock ring and cage. I knew deep down that it wasn’t normal to want to re-live what Mulder had done to me. Nothing stopped me though, as I now fastened the collar around my neck, once that was done I tied the leash to the headboard.  
I fingered the leather imaging that it was Mulder who was holding it, Mulder that was going to make me come. However, I had no intention of coming just yet or anytime soon, I planned to make myself suffer before I’d allow myself to come. I then filled the syringe and forced the drug into my body once more.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I arrived at the Hoover and went to find Skinner, I wanted to get my part here done as fast as possible so I could go back home and get some sleep.  
“Sir where do you want me to go, which room are we using for this?”  
“De briefing room one Agent Mulder, I’m just on my way there now so come on.”  
“Yeah okay then, let’s go see what we can do shall we.”  
“Agent Mulder have you been drinking at all; your words are a bit slurred that’s all.”  
“Hey Walt it was my night off so what do you expect.”  
“Mulder while here it’s Sir or A.D Skinner.”  
“Yeah okay Walt that’s not a problem.”  
“God give me strength; Mulder how did you get here?”  
“Car why, you didn’t expect me to walk did you?”  
“You’re an F.B.I agent, Jesus Mulder you should know better than driving while intoxicated. You should have just called a cab or something, or you could have just told me on the phone that you’d been drinking.”  
“You worry too much about everything Sir, it’s not good for your health either.”  
“Mulder people have to worry when you’re around as sometimes you behave like a spoilt child, just sit there and I will grab you some coffee, I mean it don’t you dare move.”  
“Yes Sir, I’ll do as you say if you get off my back.”  
“Hey what do you know, you’re actually learning and listening for once.”  
“Very funny, you know me so well Sir”  
I sat and waited for Skinner to return, to be honest I really did need the coffee about now, at present I felt like total crap, in more ways than one. Soon Skinner returned and sat with me while I drank it.  
“Agent Mulder is there anything you’d like to talk about, I know you appear to have a lot on your mind at the moment and I am here to listen.”  
“I’m fine Sir, I just needed to let some steam off and unwind that’s all.”  
“Are you sure you want to be here and doing this, I can always find someone else if you’d rather go home.”  
“I gather you called me because you thought I was the best person to do it, come on then it’s my job and what I do best.”  
I went out there and gave it my best, I really wanted to help as it was also one of our own out there. Shit that could have even ended up been Scully or even me out there.  
It was over five hours later when we stopped for a break, I would just be glad of sometime alone. This atmosphere was rather depressing; I guess that I was already feeling depressed before I even arrived here.  
“Agent Mulder why don’t you go home and get some sleep?”  
“Don’t worry I’ll be okay Sir.”  
“Agent Mulder that’s a direct order, don’t disobey me Agent Mulder as that’s what got you suspended before.”  
“Fine I just need to pop to my office first, I need to do a couple of things then I’ll go home.”  
“Very good Agent Mulder, we’ll resume the briefing in about four hours’ time.”  
There had been something about the missing Agent, however I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I found the file I was looking for marked C.G.B Spender, it was then that a photo of Alex fluttered to the floor. I sat there and held the picture, I couldn’t help but just stare at it.  
Next thing I knew Skinner was waking me up, I’d fallen asleep at my desk in my office.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I knew what I was doing was dangerous, but it was the only way I could find release now as I’d tried other ways. I’d injected enough ketamine to paralyze myself, I was aware of certain things that were going on but I was unable to move at all. Basically I was forcing myself to remain as Mulder had imprisoned me, well I was using the drugs to force myself to remain like this.  
The trip could last anywhere from an hour up to about ten hours, that was with just a single dose. This was to be my escape from reality, the rest of the world held nothing whatsoever for me.  
It was a strange high as I could feel all my body’s needs, yet here I was unable to do anything about it now. I physically wanted to come more than anything else, yet I would suffer like this as my penance. Mulder had wanted to make me suffer for what I’d done, deep down I knew that I deserved to suffer too. My mind drifted slowly back to my past, I’m not going to give the sob story about how badly done to I was. Yeah I’d had a rough childhood that I couldn’t escape, however as I got older the choices were purely my own.  
Psychologically Mulder would say it was the abuse I’d suffered, hell maybe he was right and that was the cause. However I’d had opportunities and had met some good people, yet when my life reached a crossroad I was the one that chose the path to take.  
I had never wanted to be this goody two shoes, I just wanted to be a rebel without a cause. When I was young I’d just found it more appealing, also more people wanted to be my friends and hang out with me. So yeah as you can imagine I got in with all the wrong crowds, yet the F.B.I had been my dream for many years. I saved up some money and joined, I’d sailed through the training and soon became a full Agent.  
I was a good agent and would advance slowly up the ladder, then along came Spender offering me a way to just move straight to the top. I jumped at the chance and deserved everything I got in life, it wasn’t too long after that when my life just went to Hell and stayed there.  
I had some people in high places, I used them and blackmailed them to get what I wanted. Shit and what was it that I demanded from them? I arranged for an official letter to be sent back home to my Mother in Russia. It was to state that her son had died in action, I’d been honoured for giving my life in the line of duty. I’d even arranged to have a weighted coffin sent home, it was to remain sealed due to excessive injuries.  
I was so totally fucked up and a complete bastard, I’d done it because I didn’t want my Mother to hate me. Shit how sick did that really make me, I never even knew if she was still even alive. I’d wanted her love and respect, yet look at the state of me now. After coming to America I'd never stepped back in Russia again.  
I soon realized that the drug starting to wear off now, that also meant soon I’d be coming down again and feel really low. I had to space out what little I had now as it would run out soon enough, I wasn’t looking forward to all the withdrawal symptoms.  
As soon as I could move again, the first thing I did was remove the cock ring. I came harder than I’d though possible. I then sat there on the bed and sobbed, it was time for the depression to work its way into my head. I sometimes wish that I’d overdose on the stuff and not wake up, however that might push Mulder over the edge if he found me here dead. You could guarantee that he’d just blame himself, he’d let it eat away at him until he did something stupid himself.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“I take it you never left here Agent Mulder?”  
“No Sir, I just got something in my head and wanted to check it out, I guess I fell asleep.”  
“Did you learn anything new then?”  
“Yeah I remembered something Spender had said in the past, apparently there’d been some disagreement with the Agent in question.”  
“A disagreement, what sort of disagreement Agent Mulder?”  
“The Agent had supposedly discovered something about the consortium, he reckoned it was enough evidence to bring them down.”  
“So you’re saying that Spender could have something to do with this?”  
“It’s could be a possibility Sir, maybe he went to Spender with the evidence and he was dealt with because of what he knew. That or Spender got to him first, I would say it’s worth looking into.”  
I watched the look of disgust as Skinner picked up Spenders file, I knew that he’d had some bad experiences with Spender in the past.  
“This photo here why was you looking at that, where does he fit into it all?”  
“What Alex Krycek?”  
“Yes, why’s his photo in Spenders file?”  
“When he went rogue I’d put it in there, only because we believed at the time he worked for the consortium.”  
“Do you know where Alex Krycek is at the moment?”  
“No he claimed that he was working freelance now and against Spender.”  
“He came here to see me not too long ago that’s all.”  
“What reason did he have to come to you, he wasn’t blackmailing you or anything was he?”  
“No it was the total opposite really, he came to tell me to make sure no harm came to you Agent Mulder. Krycek claimed that he wanted to help you, also that he was on the same side as you too.”  
“Did you believe him Sir that he really is on the same side as us?”  
“It’s Alex Krycek, can anyone really trust the man Agent Mulder?”  
“I don’t know Sir? I got the impression that he might be telling the truth. I think that’s the real reason Spender wants to find him, to get rid of him because of what he knows.”  
“Come on Agent Mulder, it’s time we were back in the de briefing room.”  
I went back into the de briefing room and explained my concerns, we now had to widen the search and expect the worst. I explained how Spender wouldn’t do the dirty work himself, he had plenty of people under him that would do it for him.  
God I wanted to just clear my head and get out of here, I just had so many things going on in my life at the moment. It was only a few hours later that we got the call, the body of the Agent had been found. They’d found the body in an old abandoned warehouse, he’d been strung up and severely beaten. It looked like he’d lived for a few hours after the torture, the man must have suffered immense pain before he died.  
I felt the loss like I’d lost someone who was close, it was always a reminder of how vulnerable we really are, as an F.B.I Agent the risks were always there.  
I went up to see A.D. Skinner, I informed him that things were becoming too much for me at the moment. I was putting in for two weeks leave effective immediately.  
XXXXXXXXXX  
I felt like total shit at the moment, it was just the fact that this stage could last a few hours or even days. To be honest I’d started using way too much lately, but hell what did it matter anyway. I knew I’d have to buck up my ideas if I wanted to stay alive and keep ahead of everyone. I sometimes wondered why the hell I bothered, I also wondered how long I could stay here without Mulder finding out.  
Fuck it all as what will be will be, if Mulder or Spender found me and killed me so what as I no longer cared about anything anymore. I got out of bed and took a long shower, afterwards I just wandered around in my underwear. The rest of the house felt alien to me, it was just so big to be here all alone.  
I started to wonder what it would have been like to live here, have a loving family life. I found a box with loads of old photos inside and looked through them, I decided after a while to take them back to the guest room. I would look at them in there, the room just felt safe to me and more like home.  
It felt strange looking at Mulder when he was still a kid, to imagine back then how he’d grow up and become what he has. I knew that I had to stop punishing myself for what I’d done, also I think I might have to consider getting some help for myself. I carried on looking through all the old photos, it suddenly hit me how bored I was without the drugs.  
I decided I’d go and search for some form of entertainment, I was to finally locate the study and the computer. God Mulder made up some really useless passwords, I guess that he was just really predictable. I started searching through his history just for something to do, I soon found out that he had a really interesting browsing habit.  
Mulder had been on many porn sites, most of them covered some form of abuse or other. I guessed that was where Mulder got all his ideas from, I clicked on a couple myself just to check them out. They featured men in the same situations I’d been in myself, been the victim while someone else abused them.  
God on top of that his internet shopping was rather disturbing too, Mulder had bought many items on line to abuse me with. It was then that I found the link for the ketamine, it showed how many Mulder had bought along with the cost. Shit now I suddenly had the urge to want some more, so much for getting some help to kick the habit.  
I clicked onto the buyer’s details and that was that, Mulder had saved all his payment details online. I added four vials to the basket, I didn’t want to rip Mulder off or be in debt to him. I then went on to select next day delivery and confirmed the order, then I got a message saying my order had been accepted.  
I promised myself just four more, then I would really seek help and kick the habit. All I had to do now was keep busy, once tomorrow came I’d be okay for a while. I just watched a couple of videos to pass the time, tomorrow I would prepare myself for an ultimate high. With the right preparation I could have the best orgasm ever even better than last time, who the fuck needed Mulder anyway as I could just manage on my own.  
XXXXXXXXXX

<

“Mulder are you sure about this, you want to take two weeks right now?”

“Look Sir I’ll be of no use to anyone until I get my head straight, I just think its better this way.”

“Very well Agent Mulder I’ll go and organize it for you, if you do get bored and want to come back sooner that’ll be okay.”

“Thank you Sir I will keep that in mind, as I don’t even know what I’ll do yet.”

“Is that everything Agent Mulder, or is there something else I can help you with?”

“Sir Do you think Krycek really could be working against Spender.”

“I have no idea at all, he did seem really concerned about you though and your welfare.”

“I guess after seeing the pictures of that Agents body, well it just really makes you aware of what Spenders capable of.”

“Maybe Alex Krycek really did get out, I bet he’ll be sending the rest of his life on the run though.”

“Very true Sir.”  
“Spender seems capable of getting people to do what he wants; he just finds a way so that no isn’t an option to them.”

“Yeah I know that feeling myself.”

  
“So Agent Mulder don’t tell me you’ll just stay at home for two whole weeks, I’m sure you’ll be fed up before the end of day one.”

“I don’t know yet Sir, I could always book a holiday somewhere warm.”

“That would do you some good Agent Mulder.”

“That or I might just pack a bag and hit the road, just drive and end up wherever I do.”

“Just make sure you take care of yourself Agent Mulder.”

“I will Sir, thanks’ for arranging this for me.”

I went back to my office to collect some things, then I was finally on my way back home. I really would have to decide what I’d do and where I’d go. I took a long shower and poured myself a vodka, I then sat on the couch and prepared to watch a video. After an hour I was already bored out of my head.

Fine I’d check my emails and tie a few lose ends up, afterwards I’d go and pack a couple of bags. It turned out to be the usual boring emails, I replied to a few and deleted a lot. It was then that one caught my eye, I decided to open it and read it before I deleted it.

Dear Mr Mulder Your parcel is on its way to you and should arrive in the morning, we would like to thank you for your custom.   
Products ordered Ketamine vial x 4.

What the fuck, someone must have used my details to place the order. It was then that the penny dropped, the person could only have done it from the beach house. I realized that I’d forgot to log out or delete the history, it meant that the person would have to be there in the morning to collect it Alex Krycek had known what I’d used it for, he also could have got back to Rhode Island.

I went to pack a couple of bags along with a few other things, I had no intention of flying there as it would leave to many trails. As soon as I sobered up I’d go by car, it looked like my vacation had just been planned for me. I drank a couple of black coffees and prepared to leave, it wouldn’t take me too long as traffic would be light now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d finally fallen to sleep out of boredom more than anything else, morning came though and I had things to do. I’d had a shower and then cleaned the guest room back up, I then lay back down on the bed. Once I became relaxed I prepared myself, I grabbed the lube and large butt plug once again.

It didn’t take long for me to work it deep inside my backside, as it hit my prostate I became fully erect straight away. At once I grabbed the cock ring and cage, I’d planned to keep myself hard for many hours today. I’d learnt that it could make things far better, apparently the longer you went the better the orgasm you would have.

  
I went and grabbed a coffee and yet another tin of beans, the place had no real fresh food whatsoever. Thinking about it I should have ordered some and charged it to Mulders card.

I had a really good feeling about today, maybe it was just the thought of getting myself high once more. I’d originally thought I wouldn’t get any more ketamine so this was a bonus, all I had to do was wait. I turned on the television and flicked through many channels, finally I gave it up as a bad job.

I hated waiting, shit I was worse than a kid at Christmas. If I was honest with myself I’d admit that I was suffering from withdrawal, however it was then that I heard the knock at the door.

I crept over to a window and took a look out, there stood a FedEx van driver holding my package. I opened the door as natural as possible, I then signed in Mulders name and closed the door.

I went into the kitchen and put the parcel down on the table, I then opened it really slow using great care. Shit I’d get hard with just the excitement, well that’s if I hadn’t already been as hard as a rock.

  
I placed two of the vials in the kitchen window, I then returned to the guest room taking the other two vials with me. I placed everything I’d need down on the bed, I then stripped out of all my clothes. Once I was back on the bed I got ready, I put the collar one once more and refastened the leash. Soon I had it all ready for the final step, I got the syringe and filled it with the contents from two of the vials this time.

I slowly injected the ketamine into my system, fuck the rush I felt was instant. Suddenly I was unable to move my body at all, it felt like I was just floating on some clouds. I felt relaxed and just wanted to stay like this, god deep down I knew that this wouldn’t be the last time I use the drugs. I knew that I was now totally dependent on them, it was the only way I could find a release in more ways than one.

Then the fluffy clouds and the floating feeling disappeared to be replaced by darkness, the hallucinations so vivid to the point of been scary. It started feeling like I was dead and buried, suffocating and just trying to get out. My body started to spasm and I felt really sick, it was then that I knew I was finally coming out of it.

I was just so glad I hadn’t thrown up as I’d have choked to death, now though I had more important things to take care of at present. I just wanted to come more than anything else, I’d had some good experiences but this hadn’t been one of those times. I waited and I acted as soon as I was capable of moving.

I removed the cage along with the cock ring, I pretty much exploded at once and had never felt anything like this. It was only seconds afterwards that my body started to spasm even worse, I jerked of the bed as I was unable to control it at all. Shit I’d forgot all about the collar as it choked me, I’d tried so hard to claw at the buckle as everything became black.

XXXXXXXXXX


	7. Chapter 7

I’d finally sobered up enough to set off for the beach house, the bloody traffic had been far worse than I’d expected and now it was eight hours later. I reached the house to find it all quiet, there was no cars or anything to suggest Alex might be here. Maybe Alex had just collected the drugs and disappeared once more, it was something that he was really good at after all.

I opened the door slowly and crept inside, I’d been inside less than a minute when I heard the bang. I knew that it came from inside the guest room, yet the sight I met was not something I’d been expecting or was prepared for.

Jesus Alex was hung from the bed by the fuckin collar I’d bought, I realized that he was also unconscious. I wasted no time as I rushed over and unfastened the buckle, I then started C.P.R on him.

Fuck I had wanted to hold him once more and kiss him, but not like this as this should never have happened. He was finally breathing but yet he remained unconscious, I called emergency services and an ambulance was on its way.

I kept up massaging his chest and also breathed air into his lungs, I prayed that the lack of oxygen he’d suffered wasn’t serious. I knew that Alex would have died if I hadn’t come here, however he was still not out of the woods yet.

Finally, the paramedics arrived and took over, I just prayed that they weren’t too late. One went and dealt with Alex while the other questioned me.

“Sir Can you tell me what his name is please?”

“Yeah it’s Alex Krycek.”

“Have you any idea what happened here?”

“I’d only just arrived myself when I heard a bang, I then rushed in here to help him.”

“I know that it must be hard for you right now, but we need to know exactly how you found him.”

“Shit yeah, he was hanging from the bed by the leash that was attached to a collar he was wearing.”

“Roughly how long would you say he was without oxygen?”

“I don’t know two minutes at the most, the first thing I did when I saw him was remove the collar.”

Shit the fuckin collar that I was responsible for buying in the first place.

“You said on the phone you’d used C.P.R is that correct?”

“Yeah the minute I freed him.”

“Good that may have helped him somewhat, would you happen to know if he’d taken any drugs and maybe what he took. It’s just he appears to have fresh needle marks on his arm.”

Shit I quickly took a look around the room, it was then that I spotted the syringe and the two vials. I held them up for the paramedic to see.

“Yeah it looks like he’s injected himself.”

“Would you have any idea as to what was in the vials Sir?”

“Yeah it was ketamine.”

“Right we’re ready to take him to the hospital now, are you planning on coming with him.”

“Yeah I’m coming.”

There was no way I was just abandoning him now; it wasn’t like he had anyone else to go with him. Alex was still out of it, why the fuck wasn’t he waking up yet. God I felt sick as I realized just what he’d been doing, he’d become addicted to the ketamine because of me.

When we finally arrived they rushed Alex straight away, I was then led into a small room. Apparently they were doing an M.R.I scan and an E.E.G reading, someone would come and see me as soon as there was any news. I felt totally lost, I still hated the fact that he’d made me want him so much, I just had to hope I hadn’t come to my senses and it be too late.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could vaguely remember people moving around me and talking, it felt like I wasn’t here and was non-existent. They started to talk about brain injury and a lack of oxygen. Surely they couldn’t be talking about me, I was still here and could understand them.

It was as I went to open my eyes reality struck, no matter how hard I willed them to open they just refused. It was then that I thought I’d try moving, yet my fuckin mouth refused to open for once. This was starting to really creep me out now, I tried so hard to remember back to what I’d been doing previously.

I also wondered how I’d ended up here and who’d brought me, I listened hard to the voices and recognized Mulders voice straight away. I listened to what they were talking about, as it seemed to be me they were discussing.

“Agent Mulder we have the results from the scan.”

“Was everything okay, he will be alright won’t he?”

“It’s too soon to say at the moment, he does appear to be showing some brain activity.”

“So that’s good then?”

“Yes it’s good and better than no activity, however I’m afraid the brain is very complex.”

“So what are you trying to say?”

“That it can be complicated.”

“So how long until we know anything concrete?”

“It could be anywhere from days to years, you also have to accept the fact that he might never wake up.”

“Fine if he does wake what’s the chances of brain damage.”

“We wouldn’t know that until then, it states on his file that you gave him C.P.R while waiting for the ambulance.”

“Yeah I got there a couple of minutes after it happened.”

“So you may have reduced his risk of brain damage by acting so fast, but only time will tell us now.”

“Okay thank you, am I okay to stay here with him now.”

“Yes he’s going to be in this room for some time now, it will be good for him to have someone here with him.”

“Yeah I’m not sure if I’m the right person though.”

“Does he have anyone else like family or friends?”

“I worked with him in the past but I have no idea, I guess that I’m all he has now then.”

Great so Mulder was the one who’d found me and he’d even resuscitated me, I had to wonder how the hell he even knew I was there, shit would he now resent me for this.

“Well Alex it looks like it’s just you and me, okay I guess I’ll do all the talking then.”

Mulder was just his usual self, however I had to wonder if he was just staying out of guilt. I wanted to scream at him and tell him that I am okay, that I’m here inside my own head. I so much wanted to make him hear me, surely if I put enough effort in I could do it.

Maybe death would have been better than this, shit what the hell would I do if this was to be my future. I tried to go to sleep, shit what could I do to escape this nightmare. I was effectively a prisoner inside my own head, my body was now totally useless to me.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Well Alex everyone says it’s worth talking to you, not that I really know if you can hear me or not. Well it doesn’t look like you’re going to tell me either, just what the fuck was you trying to do to yourself Alex. Was it an accident or did you do it intentionally, I just want you here with me and be your usual cocky self.”

Shit what the fuck was I really doing here talking to him, he might never even wake up from the coma for all they knew. I struggled to hold back the tears, maybe I should just go home and leave him here.

“Alex you wouldn’t even miss me would you? Hell I don’t even know if you even have any family that should be here with you. If you can hear me Alex god help you, I’ll end up driving you mad before you wake up.”

It was just like talking to someone who was asleep, he was still gorgeous despite letting himself go a bit. He was in a severe need of a shave and a haircut, I guess the drugs hadn’t helped him at all.

“I hate you Alex for making me want you, yeah I knew as the Englishman told me everything, He also told me the reason why you killed my father that night. He told me that you were in love with me Alex, shit why didn’t you just come to me and tell me? Okay I guess that I wouldn’t have listened, hell I’d perhaps have beaten the shit out of you.”

I walked over to the bed and looked down at him, I then bent and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I wanted you Alex and wanted to take you apart, but hell that was no excuse for what I did to you.”

The tears became heavier as I struggled to talk, shit I really couldn’t stand to see him like this.

“You’re here because of me Alex, shit I did all of this to you and more. I raped you and drugged you. That was why you became addicted to it in the first place because of me, I injected you without any thought at all regarding your safety.

 All I’d wanted to do was break you and humiliate you. Well I guess I managed to break you totally, I also humiliated myself along the way. Shit I’m a top profiler and I didn’t even realize that you were gay, you managed to well and truly make me believe Alex.”

What the fuck would I do now, I had no idea if I could give him the support he’d need in the future. At best all I could do was just to visit him now and then, well at least I’d be okay for the next two weeks.

“God I sit here thinking what I can do, I just know that I can’t leave you here all alone permanently. So I ‘ll do my best Alex to be here for you, I guess we can just take this set back one day at a time. I can’t promise what the future will hold, but please just wake up for me Alex as that would be a good start.”

I was interrupted by a nurse as she entered the room, she’d brought me a fold up bed along with some blankets and pillows.

“You might want to get a drink and some food, then you should try and get yourself a good night’s rest if you can.”

“Yeah I will try, oh and thanks for the bed and stuff.”

“My pleasure, if there’s anything else just shout.”

“Okay thanks.”

After she left I went in search of a coffee machine, I would make do with that and a chocolate bar for now. I went back to the room afterwards and made the bed up as I was tired now, it had turned out to be a really long day.

“Goodnight Alex.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Oh shit I’d not expected that Mulder really did want me, or was it just guilt. The irony of it was unbelievable, I get Mulder to sleep in a room with me now not that it really matters now, I still couldn’t believe that he’d actually cried over me.

This was killing me as I was unable to answer, or to let him know that I’d heard every single word. So he said we’d just take one day at a time, he might regret saying that if nothing changes soon. Shit now I was thinking about things way too much, why did he have to reveal all of this to me now.

Any other time I’d have got drunk and dealt with it my own way.  
Now I was just stuck inside my own head with all this information, also with no way to escape it all. I could hear him snoring gently, I started to wonder what it would be like to lay in a bed beside him. Mulder actually wanting me as an equal, not that it would ever happen now.

All I could do was pray that everything would be different in the morning, everything might just look better after a good night’s sleep. However, when morning had come nothing had changed at all, I was still trapped inside my own fuckin head.

There wasn’t even a way that I could release the anger that I felt, everything was just so quiet now. I realized that I couldn’t even hear Mulder anymore, hell he’d maybe given up on me already and gone home.  
A nurse came and gave me a bed bath, I’d so much wanted to just grab her hand. Make someone realize that I was still here, also I wanted to ask her where Mulder had gone.

My hand never did manage to move though; it didn’t matter how much I’d willed it too. It was then that I heard the room door open, I could smell Mulder before he even walked in.

“I think it’s time we got you shaved Alex, I’ve also brought some clean clothes and things for you.”

This was some strange Mulder; I’d swear that the real one must have been abducted. I just couldn’t deal with this right now as part of me wanted him to leave, the other part of me was scared to be alone.

“Right Alex at least you look cleaner now, I hope you wasn’t planning to grow a beard at all. Alex they plan to run a couple more tests on you, just to establish if there’s anything different. You won’t be gone too long I promise, I also promise that I’ll be here waiting for you to return.”

I knew once I was in the M.R.I machine; god it was just so loud after all that silence. I had no concept whatsoever of time, nor of night and day. I just knew that it would have to end at some point one way or another, it was then that I heard Mulder’s voice once more.

“Hey you’re back Alex, come on it’s time to do some exercises with you to stop your legs and arms seizing up.”

Mulder could have done anything for all I cared, or for all the difference it made to me. I wonder how it feels to him having me stuck here like this, when he’d drugged me he knew I could hear him. Mulder knew that the drug would wear off over time, unlike my current situation that might never go.

“There you go Alex you’re all sorted now, let’s get you comfortable and covered back up.”

I’d wanted Mulder in the past as my lover, shit now I got to have him as my fuckin nurse. Maybe when Mulder gets bored of me I won’t feel so guilty, because at present Mulder is as much a prisoner as I am.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d been doing this for a few days now, the results showed no change in his brainwaves. I had a Doctor coming to have a talk with me and let me know what will happen now.

“Good day Mr Mulder I’m Doctor Thomas, I have a few things I’d like to discuss if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

“Firstly I’ve been informed that Alex has no relatives, is that correct?”

“Yeah he only has me I guess.”

“What’s your relationship with Alex, as we will require a guardian to make any decisions for him? Usually it’s a relative or a partner, as some of the decisions could be life changing ones.”

“So you’re saying that I’m unable to do anything unless I’m related?”

“I’m sorry Mr Mulder but I don’t make the rules.”

“Look I’m an F.B.I agent, some things don’t go down too well in the bureau with the higher ups. Alex and I are lovers and have been for some time, that’s why I was the one who found him. You can always check with the ambulance as to where he was picked up, I own the house and he was living there.”

“Very well I will get all the paperwork for you to sign, I wasn’t aware that you were a couple.”

“Why that’s not a problem is it? The two of us together?”

“No it just means it will be hard on you if you’re involved, especially if there’s no improvement.”

“I’m trying to just focus on one day at a time.”

“Well as you know Alex is in a coma, this is what we class as the first stage of three, it’s hard to say but some never get any further than stage one.”

“So you have no idea at all how long the coma could last?”

“No but if he can make it to the next stage, well he’ll have far better a chance of recovery.”

“Does that mean I can carry on staying here with him then?”

“Yes that’s fine for now, we’ll give him two more weeks then make the arrangements.”

“Make what arrangements? I presumed that he would just stay here.”

“If there’s no change in two weeks’ things would have to be done, firstly he’d need to move to a special ward.”

“So basically that will be it then?”

“I’m sorry but if he remains in the coma any longer than that, there’s a high chance he will have brain damage.”

“Right okay thanks for coming and telling me.”

“I’ll leave you in peace for now, just come and sign the paperwork as soon as you feel up to it.”

“Yeah no worries, I’ll come and do it later today if that’s okay?”

“That is fine.”

The Doctor turned and left, then it was just myself and Alex once more. To look at him you’d think he was just fast asleep, shit yet I knew his brain maybe already damaged. It hurt me far more than words could say, I didn’t know how I’d cope if I lost him now before even getting a chance to even talk.

“Alex I don’t know if you can hear me but hell you have to wake up, even if you want nothing to do with me that’s okay too. God I’m trying to say that I want you alive, I want the old Alex back.”

That night I cried myself to sleep, in two weeks it could all be over. I planned to spend every day here just talking to him, maybe I might be lucky and he might be able to hear me. 

XXXXXXXXXX

Okay all that had come as a shock, I couldn’t believe that Mulder had told the Dr that we were lovers. I wished more than anything that it was true, Mulder really was acting like some stranger at the moment.

So on the up side Mulder claims that I’m his lover, however I had to remember there was also a down side too. Not just some trivial down side either, shit they were only giving me two weeks.

If I remained the same I’d just remain here, pretty much stuck in a room for the rest of my life. Jesus Christ I’d rather be dead than live like that, not that I had a say about anything anymore. It was heart-breaking listening to Mulder cry, all I wanted to do was hold him and help him. If I died it would all end for me, however Mulder would have to live with the guilt.

Shit why did Mulder have to be someone who’d blame himself for everything, I knew what he did was wrong and I don’t want to see him suffer. I was the one who was too fuckin weak, I was the one who chose to carry on taking the drugs. Mulder had beat me when I’d given him reason to do so, I’d been the one who had to keep pushing him.

I’d wanted Mulder no matter how he treats me, yeah I guess I was sick as I always wanted more from him. I’d used the drugs because it was the only way I could get off, I should have stopped using them before I became well and truly hooked.

Fuck I was starting to make myself really depressed by the minute, I heard Mulder and knew he’d finally fallen asleep. God why couldn’t he just accept that I was basically dead, just go home and have a life without me or the guilt.

However Mulder had been his usual self, hell you’d be lucky if he slept for long at all. I could hear him moving around, I had to wonder how he filled his time while stuck here. He was a man who could talk a lot at times, but he must be really lonely and bored stuck here. Believe me I know how it felt to be all alone, I’d been there most of my life.

“How are you this morning Alex, we need to get you cleaned up somewhat today. Also they will have to roll you over, as much as I love looking at your face we can’t have you getting any bed sores.”

It was nice to see Mulder was thinking long term, but in the long run he was just making it harder for himself. God if I was lucky the Doctor would just tell him to leave, even if it was just a break away from here and from me. Soon I heard the Doctor arrive, once again he started talking to Mulder.

“Right Alex the Doctor’s here now so let’s get you turned over shall we.”

I heard some noises as they moved to turn me over, then I heard the sound of running water and some rustling.

“Come on Alex we need to get some cream on you, I guess you’ve been laying in the same position for too long.”

I had no sensation whatsoever as Mulder used the cream, shit I could tell once more though that he was suffering.

“There you go Alex, hopefully they’ll all heal up soon. I’m here with you Alex with you right until the end one way or the other.”

God my heart was breaking; he really did intend to stay here no matter how long it took. I had to wonder though why he wasn’t going back to work, surely he must have been off for a while now. I was starting to wonder where I fitted in, also just what I really meant to him.

XXXXXXXXXX


	8. Chapter 8

I knew I’d have to go back soon for some clean clothes, to be honest I really needed to get out of here. It was tearing me apart having to watch Alex like this, even worse to think that he might never get out of the bed. He’d already developed a couple of bed sores during his short time here.

To think there had been a time I’d wanted him confined to a bed, but never did I dream of him confined this way at all. Hell Alex had really got under my skin in such a short time, why had I never realized all this before. I guess that I’d never been ready to have another partner, I’d forced myself to ignore him and block him out. Then it had become easy after my father’s death, I had started to hate more than ever.

Then to learn that he’d killed him to save me, he’d done it because he was already in love with me back then. Yet Alex had suffered so much at my hands and I’d blamed him for so much, when in reality most of it was my own doing.

I’d started thinking that I was staying here out of guilt, shit it had been my fault that he’d become a druggie. However, now I believe it’s no longer out of guilt, the pain is unbearable as I realize that I love him. Who the fuck would believe anything like that, Fox Mulder is in love with a man for one thing, also two it was the man who’d been my biggest enemy.

“Alex times running out, I so much want to tell you how I feel but I can’t. I just don’t know if it would help or make things worse. Maybe one day I might be able to tell you, shit Alex can’t you just wake the fuck up.”

Okay I realized that I was totally falling apart, I was supposed to be strong and here to help him.

“Alex I’m going back to the beach house for some clothes, I promise that I won’t be gone for too long. You just rest and get yourself well again, I’m so sorry I shouted at you I was just upset that’s all.”

I really had to leave here as I was starting to see things, I’d have sworn that his eyelid moved ever so slightly. I guess that I was starting to see just what I wanted to see, I just wanted him to wake up more than anything. I grabbed my jacket and car keys, then I just took a slow drive back to the summer house. I hated having to come back here, I was always going to be reminded of Alex’s time here and the outcome.

I sorted out all the clothes I would need and shoved them in a bag, I then decided I’d take a walk along the beach before going back. The air was cool and it was just so peaceful here, however after a few minutes I turned around towards my car. I’d suddenly had this urge to walk into the sea, keep on walking until the nightmare finally was over.

Back at the hospital the room was practically how I’d left it, someone though had been back and turned Alex back over. I stood there staring at him, maybe the feeling on the beach would end up becoming a reality, especially if Alex was to remain like this. 

I pulled the chair up to the bed and sat down, I then took hold of his closest hand and held it tight.

“Alex I don’t know how long I can do this, but I have tell you how I feel in case one day it becomes too much for me. You really got to me Alex, I realized too late just how much I love you. I wouldn’t have wanted even my enemy to suffer like this, so it’s killing me to watch the person I’ve fallen in love with suffer like this. Please Alex try and fight this, try and stay here with me because I need you so much.”

XXXXXXXXX

Fuck was Mulder really trying to just finish me off, had he really just claimed that he was in love with me, I don’t care that he shouted at me to wake up, believe me Mulder I’d wake up if I were capable of doing so. I’d give anything to be able to look at his gorgeous face again, instead of this black world I’m now forced to live in all alone.

I drifted in and out of sleep, I guess it was my only way of escaping from my forced prison. I dreamt of a time in the past that I’d been with Mulder, back when we were both F.B.I Agents and partners. Maybe I deserved this as a punishment for my past, suddenly Spender appeared and my life became hell once more. Spender had a gun to my head and his finger was on the trigger, it was then that he fired.

Shit I woke up instantly and knew something was different, I even started to think I was still dreaming. I realized that Mulder was asleep in the chair, god he was even sat there holding my hand. I couldn’t feel his hand at all, however it was the fact that I could see him that shocked me most.

My eyes had opened but nothing else had changed at all, I was still paralyzed but had to believe it was a good sign. I just lay there watching Mulder, wondering what he was dreaming about. It felt so good to see his face once more, to be able to see those luscious lips and lean body. It also meant a lot to me that he wanted to hold my hand, I could hope that maybe he was serious after all.

He finally stirred and opened his gorgeous eyes, he then re-opened a book and carried on reading, good old Mulder just act like he was awake the whole time. I wanted him to look at me, just to realize that I am here and can see him. I was trapped inside my own fuckin head, it was like looking through glass at another world, one that I couldn’t touch. I was limited to what I could see; it was like my body was no longer my own.

Mulder finally put the book down, he then rubbed his tired eyes and looked at me. I’d never seen Mulder so speechless before as he looked like he was totally in shock, after a few minutes he regained his posture, I was surprised when he leaned forward and just kissed me.

“Hey Alex you opened your eyes, now I can look at those gorgeous green eyes of yours.”

Okay I decided that maybe Mulder had been abducted after all, this way far from his usual behaviour around me.

“I need to go get the Doctor Alex, see what he has to say about this shall we?”

Mulder disappeared out of the room, I was now left wondering if things would get better for me now. Finally, Mulder returned along with the Doctor, Mulder looked as happy and excited as a child on Christmas morning. The Doctor performed a couple of minor tests, yet my eyes refused to follow his light at all.

“So Doctor do you think this is a good sign?”

“Yes it’s a good sign, I’m not sure if Alex can hear me at all, but it means that he’s passed the coma stage.”

“So he might just fully recover then?”

“It’s very early days at the moment, but it means if he has brain activity we can do more for him.”

“So what happens now?”

“I’ll order an M.R.I and an E.E.G test to determine his brain activity, then all we can do is take each day as it comes.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I paced up and down unable to relax at all, what worried me was that it might just be a false hope. I was unable to go in with him, so I was left with no other choice but to wait out here. Soon it was all over and I returned back to his room, Alex just lay there as he had done before. It wasn’t long before the Doctor returned with the results and also what it would mean for Alex.

“The scan has shown some brain activity, I’m fairly certain that he’s fully aware of things going on around him but is unable to respond. The second stage is what we call the vegetative state, he will start to show mannerisms that are out of character. In time Alex will be able to eventually smile. Cry and even moan.”

“So basically he won’t know he’s doing it then?”

“No it will be quite random at first, but it gives us hope. It can take anywhere up to twelve months for him to improve from this state.”

“So he will improve then?”

“We won’t class this stage as permanent until a year passes, the faster he comes out of this stage to better. It will mean that he has a far less chance of disability.”

“So he could end up with brain damage, shit how bad could that be?”  
“No one can tell at the moment, but yes after a coma brain damage is a real possibility.”

“So what will the next step be?”

“We will need to arrange somewhere more suited to his needs, he will have a better chance if he receives the right help.”

“Can I do anything at all to help him?”

“You need to keep talking to him, be there for him when he starts to show other emotions. We will also need to discuss where you want him to go.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll have to decide about work and everything else.”

“Well we have many clinics as well as the one here, where do work?”

“Washington D.C.”

“We have a clinic there too, maybe that might be a better choice when you return to work. Right I have patients to go and visit now, you will have a few days to think it over anyway.”

“Yeah fine I’ll have a good think about it, thank you for all this and your help.”

I went back to sit with Alex and held his hand once more, I just sat there with tears streaming down my face.

“God I really hope you can hear me; I want you here with me Alex. I guess I’ll have to decide what to do with you soon, maybe we could have you moved so you can settle in D.C. That way I could come and stay with you after work and be with you, I know it would be tiring but worth it. Like I said if you end up not wanting me so be it, I just want you to be well again Alex.”

I watched as a tear ran down his cheek, I hugged him and didn’t want to let go.

“They say it’s just spontaneous movements, but I don’t believe them Alex. Shit I want to believe more than anything you can hear me, also that you can understand what I’m saying. Shit I want to believe that the tears are your way of responding to me, don’t give up Alex just keep fighting please.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Thank fuck they’ve realized I might actually understand them; it was like Mulder was giving me his heart on a platter. As for the tears I didn’t even know why, on the inside I was crying my eyes out, but I was unable to express myself physically. He’d have to be mad to want to see this out, however I had a feeling he’d forget all about me back in D.C. 

“I wish you could tell me what you want Alex, I don’t mind having to make the decisions for you. Shit I’m just scared that I fuck it up for you, hell what if I made it all far worse for you?”

Mulder was trying so hard to make everything right, did he not realize that he couldn’t make my life any worse than this. I knew he was planning to return back to work, truth be told I didn’t want to be here on my own.

I struggled inside my head not to go mad, believe me that I wouldn’t wish this on anyone at all. Maybe Mulder would eventually take pity on me, he could take me somewhere that at least euthanasia was legal. That way he’d be able to end it all for me, no more living like a waste of fuckin space.

“Maybe later I’ll go and get some information regarding the clinic in D.C, I’ll need to see if I can provide everything you’ll need to get better.”

Yeah I’d just like to be well or dead, none of this shit in between as that was worse than anything else. Maybe I had tempted fate by telling my family that I was dead. I loved my Mother so much and regretted hurting her like that, however knowing the truth would have hurt her far worse.

Once I’d plucked up some courage I told my Mother, I told her exactly what my Father had done to me. Once she knew he never made me relive it again, but she had told him to get out and sent him packing. My Father had been really good at keeping it a secret, he’d always wait until my Mother went out shopping or somewhere else. That or he would take me for a drive in his car, he always drove to some remote unpopulated location.  
I was stupid to be bringing all this up now, all I would do was depress myself even more if that was possible.

“When I pop back to the summer house I’ll get some stuff, something that would just help pass the time a bit. How about some music, or I could even just read a book to you? Shit I just realized that I don’t even know what you like.”

Mulder was trying so hard to please me, he could read me anything and I’d listen to him for two reasons. One I loved his voice so much, also I’d listen to him just so it would break this fuckin boredom. 

Finally, Mulder lay back in the chair and closed his eyes, at one point I thought that he’d fallen asleep.

“It still feels strange Alex to feel this way about you, I know that I expect far too much hoping that you’ll want me. Jesus I fuckin raped and abused you so why the hell would you, I’ll have to live with whatever decision you decide to make. God then I also have to deal with what I did to you, there’s no two ways around it as I am responsible for all of this.”

Mulder started crying once more, part of me didn’t want to see him suffer this way. However, without him here my life would already be over, Mulder was my light at the end of the tunnel. Shit now all I had to do way find a way to get there, find my way to the end and to the light.

I knew that they were waiting until I could feel something, then it would be up to me to try and fight this. I would give it everything that I was capable of, I just wanted to be free from the prison I am now in. I finally fell asleep just watching Mulder, the man was gorgeous and all he wanted was me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep; it was the sound Alex was making that had woken me up. I’d already been warned that he would start doing it, yet it had still come as a surprise.

“Hey Alex I take it that you’re awake, the Doctor will be along soon to see how you’re doing. I’ll have to find out later on what he has to say, I’m just popping out for a while to get some stuff. I love you so much Alex so please try and remember that.”

I bent down and kissed him goodbye, I knew that I would be gone for a few hours at least.

My first trip was back to the beach house, I shoved some clothes in to the washer and grabbed some more clean ones. Once I’d packed everything I headed towards the study I’d have at least a couple of hours while I was waiting for the washer to stop.

I spent most of my time doing research into Alex’s condition, I then started checking out the care centres. It turned out the on back in D.C was a larger version of the one here. Some more reading and I realized they were both owned by the same medical group, so they would arrange his transfer.

I went to get a coffee and check the washing, I then returned back to the study and carried on reading. I decided to print off most of the details including the photos, that way I could show Alex just what it was like there and what it had.

I thought that it would be best to keep him involved, let him know what would be happening to him. Once I’d sorted everything out I shoved the bag into my car, I then locked the summer house back up before heading into town.

I browsed the shelves and grabbed a couple of cassettes, he might not like them but I’m sure it was better than nothing. While I was there I also grabbed a small portable cassette player. Then I decided I’d take a trip to the nearest book store, it was a rather large store with plenty of choice. I was stuck once more as I had no idea what sort of things he’d want to listen to, I grabbed a couple of horror books by Stephen King and Shaun Hutson.

All this rushing around was really tiring me out, another stop for some newspapers and magazines just as extras. I then called at a drive thru and ordered a large coffee, as an afterthought I also bought a burger and fries. All this rushing about and I had totally forgot to eat, I had a habit of that if I was busy or thinking about something.

That was perhaps why I was feeling so tired, I’d spent the whole day mainly surviving of coffee alone. I decided it would be easier to eat in the car and dispose of the rubbish, then I’d head back to the clinic to see Alex.

The coffee was really good and woke me up a bit, the food also made me feel a little less queasy. I knew that I’d have to be making some decisions real soon, Skinner would be wanting to know when I planned to go back to work.

I carried all the bags back to Alex’s room, shit it was then that I noticed he’d gone and the room was empty. My brain worked overtime and went through all the worst case scenarios possible, shit I suddenly felt more desolate and alone than ever before.

I just dropped all the bags onto the floor where I stood, I fled the room in search of a Doctor and hopefully Alex. It took me a while to find anyone who could help me, then a nurse came along and assured me that Alex was fine. At present he was having some test done, I was told to go back to the room and wait for him to return.

I started to unpack all the bags just to keep busy, I couldn’t take any more of this and broke down sobbing.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d been put through numerous tests; I knew it was for my own good but I was really fed up now. I was wheeled back to my own room and put back into the bed, I couldn’t help but notice Mulder rush off into the bathroom. I’d also noticed how he never even looked over at me, was the sight of me that repulsive to him.

The Doctor went over and knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

“Can I have a word Agent Mulder when you’re ready?”

  
“Yeah hold on I’ll only be a minute.”

Shit I knew straight away by his voice that he’d been crying, it hurt so much to see him like this. I was so distracted by Mulder that I didn’t realize the Doctor was talking to me.

“Right Agent Mulder I’d like to talk to you and Alex together, as I’m pretty sure that Alex can hear us. We ran some more tests on your brain Alex, I also noticed your brain waves increase every time we asked you a question.”

“So all the signs are looking good then Doctor?”

“Yes it would appear so, the brain is responding well so now it’s up to the body. Have you had any more thoughts about which hospital would be best, as we need to get you settled Alex. Once you are settled then we can help treat you better, also you won’t have the stress of moving again.”

“I have printed off many leaflets of this clinic and the one in D.C, I thought that I could go through them later with Alex.”

“Yes that’s a good idea Agent Mulder, I would be grateful of a decision as soon as you know yourselves, we need to get Alex here a speech therapist so he can learn to talk again.”

“Fine I will let you know as soon as I can then, thank you so much for all your help too.”

“You’re most welcome Agent Mulder, I’ll be in my office should you need me for anything.”

Once the Doctor left Mulder sat back down, he returned to his usual spot beside the bed. Mulder pulled out a few leaflets and spread them out, he then held one of the photos up for me to see.

“This is the clinic in D.C Alex, I want to move back there as that’s where my home is, Rhode Island was just a place to take a vacation. Also I don’t want to spend too long here. It holds too many memories as to why you’re here.”

Why the hell did Mulder have to keep blaming himself, he really had to move on and accept what has been. He also has to face facts, it was me and only me that chose to keep on taking the drugs. I loved him and didn’t want him to blame himself, otherwise it would eat away at him until he broke down.

“Look Alex this one even has a swimming pool, also a sauna and even a health spa. They also have all the medical staff you’ll need to recover; we need to get you talking Alex so you can communicate.”

Yeah great, I’d talk and act like a fuckin baby, which would put Mulder off me for sure. Shit I was being fed by a drip and had a pipe for waste, imagine once I have to start eating food again. Maybe Mulder would just decide I wasn’t worth the hassle, if that was the way it was to be I’d have to live with it. Not that I wanted to live without him, or even survive by myself.

XXXXXXXXXX


	9. Chapter 9

I had no idea if Alex was even paying any attention, I’d been warned that he might just lapse in and out of reality. I was left with no choice but to presume that he is listening, I just prayed that one day he’d be able to answer me.

“Look Alex I know that you haven’t always agreed with me about things, but I have to make a decision and this would be a better choice for both of us. The Doctor informed me that you would go to D.C in a private plane, then an ambulance would collect you and take you to the clinic.”

I had put a lot of thought into this, the clinic would offer every form of treatment Alex would need. He would have to be taught most things from scratch, it would just be like dealing with a baby. I had a feeling things were going to get a bit rough, Alex had always been the independent one and would not like this at all.

I realized that had been one of the first things I’d liked about him, he’d always known what he wanted and got it at whatever cost.

“Alex I’ll be here for you every step of the way, but I’ll have no choice but to return to work soon. Work can wait though until you get settled, you will also have your own room Alex to put things in that you like.”

I got up and went into one of the bags, I then pulled out a couple of newspapers and sat back down.

“I was going to read a book to you Alex, however I’m too tired so I thought this was better than nothing.”

I’d sat back and read a couple of articles, I then realized that most of the news was depressing. Hell I just wanted him to give me a reason to live, not to upset him and depress him even more.

“Right Alex I think it’s time we got you washed and shaved.”

I found everything that I’d need, I then took my time to shave him until all the hair was gone.

“You look a lot better now Alex, the stubble I can live with but not the beard.”

I managed to wash his face and chest, I just had to be careful around all the wires. Once I had him all clean I brushed his hair for him.

“I’ll let the Doctor know my decision in the morning Alex, then we’ll just need a date that you can be moved.”

I then went into the bathroom and had a shower, it felt so good just to relax for once. Soon I was dressed in some sweat pants and a tee shirt, that’s what I wore to sleep in since they gave me a bed here.  
I then went and plugged the stereo in and grabbed a cassette, I put it and turned it on really low.

“I hope the music is okay Alex as I wasn’t sure what you liked.”

The music started playing and I was singing along, soon I was starting to feel really tired and would need some sleep. I was starting to feel rather depressed once more, I decided I’d get into bed and try to sleep as I didn’t think it would take too long.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to admit that Fox was really trying, the music was a good way to break the boredom and gave me something to listen too. It was just a shame that some of it was so depressing at times, however I now could hear Fox and knew he was asleep. I just lay here thinking, well it looked like my immediate future was mapped out for me now, well until Fox got fed up with this game.

I watched him as he slept, shit it was then that I felt the pain in my heart as I realized how gorgeous he really was. I had to keep asking myself why he was still here and why he would want me, especially now that I’m so damaged and no longer the man I was before or would be again.

The strange noises startled me once more, shit it was then that I realized it was me making the sounds. I felt some movement in my mouth, it wasn’t a lot but it was enough to give me hope. I couldn’t seem to be able to form the words I wanted to say, I was just like a fuckin goldfish out of water.

I believe I’d woke Fox with the strange noises I was making, it was really hard when my mouth just wouldn’t work right.

“Hey Alex you can move your mouth again, don’t force it as it will take some time Babe and you’ll have to start with small words.”

Yeah no kidding, I had an idea that would take some time. Fox came and sat beside me he then took hold of my hand, it felt so romantic, well up to the point where he started talking to me like a fuckin baby.

“You will need that speech therapist soon, you will need to start with very basic words and letters Alex.”

Jesus Fox could be a pain at times, I shut my eyes and willed my mouth to work again. No matter how hard I tried they were just stupid sounds, I was starting to get really pissed off now with it all. However, it was then that I realized Fox was staring at my hand, I looked down to see some slight movement. I wasn’t able to grip his hand but this also was another good start I guessed.

Fox kissed my hand and held it tight, I had to admit he looked like he was struggling not to cry.

“That’s really good Alex, some practice and after a while it’ll become easier. The Doctor will be around soon and I bet he’ll be pleased with your progress.”

I had to admit that it was a really good feeling, maybe after all I might come out of this reasonably okay. I would give anything to feel the hand that held my own, to be able to feel his lips and soft skin.

I was surprised when Fox got up and hugged me tight, he then proceeded to kiss me upon my lips. It was only a slight tingle but I definitely felt something as he pressed his lips against mine. I prayed that the day would come when I’d be able to respond, when I would be able to kiss him on his lips and everywhere else for that matter.

Having him so close was killing me but after another minute he returned to the chair, I’d swear he was backing off and keeping his distance now. Did he think that he’d done something that was wrong because of the condition I was in.?

But I was stuck this way for now, there was no way I could even tell him it was alright, that I wanted him to kiss me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was really impressed with how Alex was coming along, I wanted the old Alex back more than I wanted anything else. I don’t think he realizes just how gorgeous he is, also what a waste of a very talented man it would be if he didn’t recover from this.

I had to admit that Alex had always been a challenge, yet I’d always found him very accepting and bright. At that moment I’d just wanted to hug him and kiss him, I had to back off though as I knew it was so wrong. Shit it was the wrong time and the wrong place, I shouldn’t even be having thoughts like that about him.

Finally, the Doctor appeared to do his rounds, maybe we could sort out what would be next for Alex that could help him.

 

“Good morning Agent Mulder, Alex how are you this morning?”

“He is now able to move his hand and mouth, not much but it’s something.”

“That’s very good, I have also noticed that you’re also moving your eyes too.”

“It is a good sign isn’t it Doctor?”

“Yes it’s a very good sign, I actually wanted to ask you about your plans. I was wondering if you’d had made any decisions regarding where you want to be.”

“Yes I’ve given it quite a lot of thought and I want to take Alex back to D.C with me, it’s where my home is and also where I work.”

“Very well I will organize things and get everything into motion for you both.”

“Do you know how long everything will take, it’s just I still also have things to do here too.”

“I would say the day after tomorrow, that way we can spent tomorrow running some tests and getting his things all packed ready.”

“Yeah okay are the tests for anything specific?”

“When Alex goes to D.C he will be taking a report with him, the tests are so we can write that final report. That way it will be far easier for them to treat him when he moves to D.C, they will also be able to start treatment straight away which is what he needs right now.”

“Yeah okay, will I need to be here when he has the tests done?”

“That’s up to you Agent Mulder, it’s not like you have to be there if you don’t want too.”

“Yeah okay, it’s just I need to go and check on the summer house and lock it all up.”

“That’s fine we’ll be able to talk once you return.”

I sat back down beside Alex and held his hand once more, I tried to talk to him without breaking down in a flood of tears.

“We’ll get through all of this Alex I promise, you can have your tests all done tomorrow while I go and pack everything up. Then the day after tomorrow we can move you to your new home.”

I knew that Alex was going to be in the clinic for the foreseeable future, all I wanted was to make it feel comfortable for him and homelier.

“Well Alex it looks like it’s just you and me for the rest of today, maybe we can just have a quiet day and I can read to you, we can even listen to some music for a bit too.”

I got up and retrieved one of the paperbacks, well it looks like its Stephen King today.

XXXXXXXXX

I had to sit here and listen to Fox read to me, not that I was paying any attention whatsoever. Shit I didn’t care at all about the story whatsoever, it was far more entertaining just watching his mouth move. The man was a complete mystery to me at times, he was a genius and could do or have whatever he wanted, great and he goes and chooses a cripple in a hospital bed.

I was surprised the day had gone so fast, I could tell Fox was becoming tired from all the reading. After a while he put the book down and turned some music on really low, he then did something that He’d never done before all the time I’d been here. Fox came and laid on the bed beside me, he then held me in his arms as he fell into a deep sleep.

It was strange at first but it felt so good, to have the man I loved touching me with love and not hate. I finally drifted off to sleep myself, when I woke sometime later Fox was still there holding me in his arms.

“Hey you’re awake Alex, I guess it’s time we got up don’t you?”

Fox kissed me on the lips before he got up, he then disappeared into the bathroom and came back out just as the Doctor arrived. I noticed that Fox was fully dressed and ready to leave, he then bent down and kissed me once more. Fox had surprised me as the Doctor was watching, I’d just thought Fox would be rather reserved in public.

“I won’t be gone too long Alex; you can spend the day getting ready for our trip tomorrow.”

I was left in the company of the Doctor, all I could do was wait and see what he had planned for me today.

“Right Alex we’ll give you another E.G.G scan to start with, Alex can you just look at me first please. I just want to see how well you can focus on things, if you can’t don’t try forcing yourself okay.”

The Doctor held up his finger and moved it from side to side, he did this for a few minutes to see if I could follow it.

“Well you’ve not quite mastered it yet Alex, however I can tell that you’re trying to focus on things which is good. Next I’m going to hold your hand and I want you to try and squeeze it.”

I could feel him as he held my hand, I tried my hardest to squeeze his hand and managed to do it ever so slightly.

“Your brain has suffered severe damage Alex; it just means that you’re going to have to put a lot of effort and work into this. Even the smallest task will require a lot of thinking on your part, basically your brain has to be reconnected with your body again.”

Great it sounded like it was going to take years at this rate, realistically I should be grateful that I could even think at all.

“Right let’s get this test over and done with shall we, then we can see just how well that brain of yours is working.”

I guess I’d always spent my life thinking I was indestructible, nothing would ever be able to touch or harm me. The irony of it all, I end up a cripple just because I was trying to get myself off sexually. 

Well now I was the one who had to live with the consequences, I was just starting to feel far more depressed than before for some reason. I felt so fuckin angry at myself and at life in general, I was also feeling angry toward Fox too at the moment.

I had a feeling I’d become dependent on him, then one day he will just get up and leave me all alone again. To be honest I expected it to happen once we were back in D.C, I guess that all I could do was take one day at a time.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone back to the summer house, while I was there I would make it all clean and tidy. I double checked every room turning things off as I went, I then went to check I hadn’t missed anything in the guest room. Once I was sorted I decided to give Skinner a call, I hadn’t wanted to make the call in front of Alex.

“Assistant Director Skinner speaking.”

“Sir it’s me Agent Mulder.”

“I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back, you’ve been gone for quite a while now Agent Mulder.” 

“Yeah it’s been a long battle Sir, I did tell you that I was staying until I knew what was happening.”

“So how is Krycek now?”

“Sir I know you’ve had your problems with him, yet I’ve put all that behind me as he killed my Father to save me.”

“That’s what he tells you Agent Mulder.”

“No Alex kept it to himself, he also kept it to himself that he was in love with me. I only found out later on.”

“So I take it the feelings mutual Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah I believe so, but it’s very complicated.”

“Alex Krycek of all people.”

“Look Sir I will resign if it’s going to be a problem, however I’m moving back to D.C tomorrow with Alex.”

“So I take it that he’s better then?”

“No Sir, he’s out of the coma but he’s the equivalent of a vegetable. He will have to re learn everything all over again. At the moment he can’t move and he can’t talk okay, all he can do is make some noises that’s all.”

“So will he change at all?”

“In time after he relearns it all, he might never be the same though.”

“So why are you bringing him back to D, C?”

“He’s going to be in a hospital Sir, not living with me at my apartment.”

“So do you really think you can fit work in, your job would have to come first Agent Mulder.”

“Alex will always come first now.”

“Okay so what happens if you have to go out of town, maybe work away on some case or other.”

“I wouldn’t know until the time comes, if I was unable to do my job I’d resign Sir.”

“Very well come and see me tomorrow Agent Mulder.”

“It will have to be the day after Sir, I’ll only get back in to D. C tomorrow, once back I’ll need to get Alex settled and feed my fish.”

“Right the day after tomorrow Agent Mulder.”

“Very well Sir, I’ll see you then.”

I hung up and finished what I was doing, I then locked the summer house back up for the foreseeable future. It was time to go and pack everything now, time to prepare for the trip back home.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d been back in my room for a while now all alone, the Doctor had left some music playing in the background. The anger I felt had subsided a bit, but the depression was fast becoming far worse. All I wanted was for Fox to come back to me, then again if he knew what was good for him he’d stay away.

For fucks sake what the hell was wrong with me? Well apart from the obvious that is. I’ decided to spend my time trying to focus on objects, I started with the big clock on the wall. It took a lot and made my head hurt, yet I realized that after some time I could read the numbers.

Great now I’d realize just how slow time went when your fuckin bored, maybe D.C would be good and at least a change of scenery from all this. It was then that the door opened and Fox entered the room, he looked so tired but still came straight over to the bed and kissed me.

“Hey Alex I’m back, I even managed to get quite a lot done today. Once we get back to D.C we’ll need to buy you some clothes, also some other bits and pieces.”

Fox talked away, as for me I’d just shut off and had gone into my own world. I suppose Fox talking had made me realize some things, one that he was having to pay for everything until I became well. Shit if I never recovered the money would never be found, Fox would have spent all his own money for nothing.

Maybe Fox thought he owed me because of what he’d done, shit if that was true it would mean all this is a lie. It would mean that he’s doing everything out of guilt, but I didn’t want him to be here for that reason alone.

It was so hard because I was unable to voice my frustrations, well I suppose Fox had signed to take over my life. I looked up at Fox, hell the man was still talking.

“They plan to start a lot of treatment Alex once you’re settled, you will become far more tired than you are now. At least it will give you something to do, especially the times you’re on your own.”

Shit I sank even further into despair, what had Fox meant about the times I would be on my own. Maybe it might help me if I paid more attention to him, then at least I’d know what he was planning to do.

“The Doctor will be coming in a few minutes Alex, then we’ll know what time we can leave here tomorrow. We also need to get all your test results back, then we’ll know exactly where to go and how to move forward.”

My brain was still trying to comprehend what Fox had said before about me been alone, I just had this gut feeling that he was planning to forget all about me.

I would show Fox, I planned to beat this and work as hard as was needed to get better. At least then I’d be able to end my sad pathetic life if he left me, as it’s too hard to do it alone when you can’t even fuckin move.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex had been trying so focus on me earlier on, yet now he was looking anywhere but at me. I know the Doctors had said it was perfectly normal behaviour, yet I knew Alex and it normally meant he was brooding.

“Hey Alex the Doctors here now, let’s see what he has to say shall we?”

“Good evening gentlemen, first I’d like to explain to you Agent Mulder how we got on earlier today. Alex did really well at trying to focus on objects, also he’s able to grip things with his right hand. So he appears to be making some improvement, next we’ll need to work on his speech.”

“Do you have any idea when he’ll be transferred to D.C?”  
“You will be able to leave here late morning, which will allow you to settle in D.C before night time. The room will be all ready and waiting for you both, they have also made arrangements for you Agent Mulder.”

“What arrangements?”

“I’m not sure, however you will find out once you’re back in D.C.”

“Is there anything at all that we need before leaving here?”

“No everything will be taken care of for you both, then Alex will be able to see a highly trained speech therapist. Once he can talk better swallowing will also become far easier, then the next step will be some soft food.”

“Yeah okay then, how about the E.E.G you ran earlier.”

“It would appear that there was some change, also it has helped us understand more about Alex. It appears his right hemisphere had suffered more damage than the left side, which basically means the left side of his body will take longer to recover.”

“So does it make a big difference as to which side was affected?”

“Right I’ll explain the best I can, when you suffer right hemisphere damage it effects the left side of the body. The left side controls speech more than anything else, there’s a very good chance Alex will recover his vocabulary and speech in time.

The right side works harder and is responsible for many things including memory, reasoning and attention span, damage to the right side could result in memory loss and severe mood swings. As for you Alex you most probably won’t even know you’re doing it, your attention could just wander off at any time.”

“So there’s a chance he might never recover?”

“It’s very doubtful of a full recovery, but we will do everything to make it the best we can.”

“Will there be anything that I could do to help him?”

“You will need to make reminders for him, dates birthdays and things like that. You will need to speak clear and with plenty of understanding, you will also need to decrease anything that could be a distraction when talking to him. Also don’t use metaphors when speaking or sarcasm, as that will make it far harder for him to understand.

 It will take time but Alex could have a good life, also rather fulfilling in many ways. I will stress to you now, the main thing Alex will need is support and understanding.”

“Very well, I’ll try to do the best that I can for him.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Great they just talk about me like I’m not even here, fuckin great so this could be my life from now on. How the hell do you cope with news like that, shit now Fox will have far more reason to leave me now?

Suddenly I felt totally depressed, maybe it would have been better if he’d never even found me. I suddenly realized how to cry and I couldn’t stop the tears, it was then that Fox looked over at me and realized.

“Alex come on, you’ll get through this I promise. It will be hard with many ups and downs, but I’m here for you and I always will be.”

God I really wanted to believe that Fox was telling me the truth, he hugged me and kissed me on the lips. My right hand starting twitching and grabbing at him, I was now too scared to let go of him.

“Come on, hey stop the tears as everything will be okay.”

  
I hoped it was true, maybe things would be easier if I could communicate then I’d be able to tell him how I felt.

“The Doctor had to go Alex, but he will come back in the morning to see you before we leave here. You don’t trust me do you Alex, not that I can blame you with the history we have between us. I promise Alex that I’ll never hurt you again like that, shit what I did was so wrong on every account.”

Now I had Fox hugging me tight and he was also crying, shit now I felt guilty that I’d upset him. All I wanted was for Fox to smile and be happy, which was something he never would be with me.

I also realized that the Doctor was right, I really did seem to have severe emotional problems. The main one been that I was unable to control them, shit it wasn’t like I’d been that stable to start with.

I would give anything to be able to hug Fox right now, however I’d do anything just to be able to hug him at all. I had to admit that it felt good him been here, I’d also noticed that he’d fallen asleep. Well he’d spent the day running around, hell he’d spent the last few weeks just running around after me.

Soon I joined him in a deep sleep, were life was normal and so was I. When morning came I realized that this would be my last day here, well last few hours anyway.

“Hey you decided to finally wake up Alex, everything’s packed and we’ll be leaving here very soon.”

The Doctor entered the room to check me over once more, he just wanted to make sure I was ready for the trip to D.C.

“You take care of yourself Alex and you Mulder, maybe if you’re ever back this way you can call in and see us. I’m sure that you’ll do really well Alex, you’re already getting some of your movements back along with your speech.”

“Thank you Doctor for all that you’ve done for Alex and myself.”

It seemed really strange not been able to thank the Doctor myself, it was just another one of many things that Fox had to do for me.

I had to admit that it felt really good to be out of there, maybe it was just having a change of scenery. My mood felt somewhat better but it was short lived, I remembered all that was waiting for me was another room and another hospital bed.

I would try to enjoy the scenery and not think about it, about everything that was still to come.

XXXXXXXXXX

It had turned out to be a really long day, we were exhausted by the time we finally reached our destination. I just felt really jet lagged and wanted to get Alex settled, as I knew tomorrow I’d have to go back and face Skinner.

It turned out that it was nothing like a hospital, I was informed that as his partner I was welcome here full time. We were led to what would be Alex’s room for some time to come, I was totally surprised when she opened the door as it wasn’t what I’d been expecting.

The room was more like some posh hotel room than a hospital, everything was normal even including the bed. The only difference was a drip and a couple of other minor things, things that could be overlooked anyway.  
Alex was wheeled over and lifted onto the bed, they then sorted him out and put him inside the bed.

“Agent Mulder you will notice that we do things different around here, this room will be Alex’s home for some time okay. Therefore, we will try to make it as comfortable as possible for him, we were told about your relationship hence the double bed. There will be times when Alex will want to be held, there will also be times when he feels like giving up on everything. So here we keep the room as normal as possible, also he won’t be just remaining in bed all day. We also have many other facilities here, eventually he will even be able to go swimming with your help.”

“It all sounds fantastic, I read some good reviews and that it was worth every penny.”

“We have very dedicated staff here; every patient is different but share the same goal. We will have a chair for Alex to use during the day, you will also be able to take him outside into the gardens. We want people to leave here feeling whole again, they need to build up their confidence to face the world again.”

“Yes I can understand, but it must be hard to achieve this, there must be some patients that never recover.”

“Yes we treat many patients here, yet we’ve only had four patients that have had to stay for an extra year. Most manage to function far better after their time here.”

“So you mean he could be here for up to a year?”

“It’s only a guideline as many leave within six months, some even within three months.”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see then won’t we.”

“Yes but for now Agent Mulder you both need some sleep; I’ll send someone along to help change Alex for bed.”

Within minutes of the Doctor leaving someone arrived, they’d come to wash and change Alex. While that was happening I retreated to the bathroom to sort myself out, by the time I re-entered the room Alex was in the room all alone. I could tell that he was awake, he was trying so hard to focus on me at the moment.

“Hey Alex it’s bedtime, at least we don’t have to share that hospital bed anymore. I love you Alex and I want you to remember that, I’m always going to be here for you.”

I lay beside him in the bed, here in this dark room everything felt so normal. I wanted that life for Alex and myself, a normal life and a normal relationship. I gently stroked Alex’s cheek and could feel the tears. Eventually I lay my arm across his bare chest, I was playing with the fine hairs there as sleep overcame me.

XXXXXXXXXX

This place felt so different from before, maybe it would prove to be a good thing for us both. It felt really strange having Fox here in bed with me, I was really surprised that he was the cuddling type. Yet here we were in a double bed together, no restraints this time just me and him.

Who was I trying to fuckin kid, I wasn’t restrained because he didn’t need to restrain me, shit had I forgotten already that I couldn’t even move.  
Why was I doing this just torturing myself all the time, things were becoming better every day yet I still felt so alone. Shit how the hell could I feel that way, what with Fox beside me and holding me in his arms as if I was wanted.

I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, he was laying there playing with the hairs on my chest. I could feel it ever so slightly, shit then his hand happened to brush over my nipple. God it felt so good as it tingled, it also reminded me that I was still a human being with feelings. I couldn’t even tell Fox that I liked him doing it, all I could do was lay there making funny sounds.

Shit suddenly I became dead silent, I still wondered if Fox would ever hit me again in the future. It had just been the speed with which he’d suddenly sat up, it had really scared the hell out of me. I’d been prepared for the worst, he was tired and I hadn’t expected the kindness he’d been showing me to suddenly change like this.

“You’re awake aren’t you Alex, oh god now you’re crying too. I can’t handle this Alex as it’s tearing me apart.”

Great I suddenly felt sick, did that mean that Fox was planning to leave me now? However, he stole my heart with his kindness.

“Alex hold my hand.”

Fox took hold of my right hand, the one that had some ever so slight movement.

“Alex listen to me, I will go slow and ask you some questions. I want you to squeeze my hand once for no and twice for yes, do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

I used all my strength to squeeze his hand twice.

“That’s really good Alex, now another question. Do you want me here in the bed with you?”

I never even had to think about that as I squeezed his hand twice for yes.

“Okay so you understand me and want me here with you, does it bother you at all if I cuddle you?”

I squeezed once for no.

“Okay so it doesn’t bother you if I hold you, did it bother you when I accidently touched your nipple?”

I squeezed once more for no.

“Did you like it Alex, it’s just I don’t want to over step the mark and hurt you.”

God of course I did, I squeezed his hand twice for yes.

I felt Fox lay back down beside me, he then places his hand back where it had been before. It just felt so relaxing when he started playing with my nipples once more, then I started to wonder if we’d ever be able to have a sexual relationship together.

If how I felt now was anything to go by, I truly wanted to believe that one day it would be possible.

XXXXXXXXXX

I fell asleep with Alex in my arms, also I was really feeling good about our future together. I woke after what had been a really good night’s sleep, Alex was still in my arms from falling asleep last night. God it felt so good to have a way of communicating with him, it may only be yes or no answers however, that was far better than no communication at all.

“Hey Alex are you awake yet?”

I was surprised when he squeezed my hand twice, I’d expected him to forget after a night sleep.

“You remembered what to do Alex.”

He squeezed my hand again twice, it was then I realized just how much he meant to me.

“Alex I want you to know how much I love you, you’ve come to mean so much to me now and I don’t want to be without you.”

I bent forward and kissed him on the lips and suddenly felt really sick, Alex was ill and I was having some really immoral thoughts right now.

“God you’re gorgeous Alex.”

I hadn’t expected him to squeeze my hand once.

“What do you mean no, do you think you’re ugly or something?”

Alex squeezed my hand twice for yes.

I took hold of his face in my hands and held his head, I then looked right into his eyes.

“You Alex are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met; don’t you ever forget that okay.”

Alex was trying his hardest to talk to me, yet I had no idea at all what he was trying to say to me.

“I don’t understand Alex; believe me I wish with all my heart that I could.”

I could see the tears as they streamed down his face, god I so wanted to be able to just help him.

“Hey maybe the speech therapist can help you find ways to communicate, I know it’s frustrating but we will get through this Alex I promise.”

He squeezed my hand twice, I then hugged him and kissed him upon the lips. Then there was a knock at the door, staff had turned up to get Alex dressed to move him to the chair.

“I’m just going to get myself dressed okay Alex?”

I drifted off in to the bathroom while they would get Alex washed and dressed, I decided that I’d have a quick shower myself. I stripped and stepped under the warm water, been that close to Alex had made me rock hard. I remembered just how it had felt to be inside him, the heat and the tightness as I’d fucked him. It wasn’t long before I was coming really hard, yet afterwards I started to feel sick once more.

Shit the man wasn’t just some fuck toy, yet that was how I’d treat him in the past. I knew myself that next time I would want him to be willing, also I would be making love to him and not abusing him.

I got out of the shower and dressed, once I felt calm again I re-joined Alex in the room.

“Right Alex let’s go and get you some treatment sorted out, also see what else we can find to do today.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Fox was trying so hard, he took me to the treatment room and had left me here. They believed that it would be far more beneficial if it was just one to one to start with, all I wanted was just to learn to talk again.

“Right Alex we’ll start with something easy today, then later we can get a full plan in place regarding your exercise too. You might find this hard to believe, but I will have you saying one word by the end of today alone.”

Well I guess that would be a start, I would also need the exercise as my muscles had become very weak.

“Right I’ll give you this buzzer, all I want is for you to hold it in your right hand. Once we start all you will have to do is squeeze it to begin with. I’m going to show you some letters, I then want you to squeeze it when I land on the letter you want.”

I did as she asked picking all the letters to make a small word, I then spent the next couple of hours learning to say that one word. I was allowed a break for a couple of hours, however I found myself alone once more. I had no idea at all where Fox had gone so I fell asleep in the chair, finally sometime later someone came to get me.

This time it was a young man, his job was to help me learn to use my muscles once more. He came and sat in front of me, he then took hold of my right hand and held it.

“Right Alex I’ve be told that you’re a really fast learner and doing really well, I’ve also been told that you can squeeze your right hand.”

I squeezed his hand so that he knew I could.

“Well that’s a good place as any to start then, instead of squeezing it I want you to try stretching it out and then squeeze it back in.”

So that was how the rest of my day was spent, it was hard work as I really had to concentrate on it. By the end of the day I could move my hand, it felt strange knowing that I could at least move something. Hopefully in time I’d be able to move my whole body once again.

As a reward I was allowed to try some real food, shit all it reminded me of was baby food.

“Come on Alex it’s just potato with some vegetables, it’s just been liquidized that’s all.”

I decided to give it a go and just get it over with, I would swear that I only managed to swallow about half of it anyway. The rest ran down my chin and had to be wiped off, just like I was a baby or something.

“Come on we’ll get you back into your room now, you’ve had a really tiring first day. You should be really proud of yourself Alex, you’ve done a lot in one day.”

Well that was me I guess, I’d always been an impatient bastard all my life. All I wanted was my life back, then all I would want would be Fox if he still felt the same way.

The staff were good and helped change me and put me back into bed, I was really tired but just wanted to know where Fox had got to.  
It was some time later that he finally decided to show up, I just glared at him really coldly.

XXXXXXXXXX


	10. Chapter 10

Shit I’d totally forgot to tell Alex where I was going, however I could tell by the look that he was pissed off with me.

“Well Alex I see your eye movements have greatly improved, you can even manage to give me that typical cold pissed off Alex look.”

I went over to the bed and held his hand, I also kissed him on the cheek.

“Hey I’m really sorry Alex, you were so busy and I forgot to tell you I was popping out. Please Alex am I forgiven as I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

I waited for him to squeeze my hand with a yes or no, however nothing happened at first. It was then that Alex totally surprised me, he opened his mouth and managed to say just one word.

“Fox.”

I couldn’t speak straight away, shit the tears just rolled down my face. Finally, I got myself together enough to speak, it was hard though as I kept crying.

“Alex you spoke; god do you realize just how much that means to me?”

“Fox.”

“Yes Alex I’m here for you.”

“Fox.”

It was then that the penny dropped, I realized just what he wanted.

“Is that what you want to call me Alex?”

He squeezed my hand twice, then my heart was overwhelmed with happiness. His first word had been my name, Alex had also wanted my permission to call me by it.

“Alex you can call me whatever you want, I’m also so glad that you can speak again.”

I realized that he was also crying as I held him, god how much I’d come to love and want him.

“Come on Alex let’s get into bed, all I want is to hold you in my arms close to me.”

I stripped down to my boxers and got into the bed beside him, I then pulled him into my arms and hugged him.

“I had to go and see Skinner today Alex, would you be okay if I return back to work in a few days?”

Alex squeezed my hand twice, I could even feel his tears on my chest as he sobbed.

“Alex I won’t go back to work unless you’re one hundred percent certain, if you really are sure you can cope been without me for a few hours at a time.”

Alex squeezed my hand again, he was giving me his permission to return to work.

“Hey even if I go back I’ll still be here every night to hold you, also I can take more time off if I ever need too.”

I lay there and just held him, it just felt so right to be here holding him like this. Shit then I nearly jumped out of the bed, I’d really not expected that at all.

“Alex what the hell are you doing, oh god I didn’t mean to shout at you Alex it was just a shock that’s all.”

So Alex also now had movement in his right hand, I’d not been expecting him to grab hold of my cock like that. The man was partially paralyzed and trying to jerk me off, it just felt so wrong to let him.

“Is that what you think I want Alex?”

He squeezed my hand twice.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great now I felt like a complete fuckin idiot, I’d thought if I gave him something he wanted he would stay. Shit now I was sat here crying like a baby, I’d just tried so hard to make him happy.

“Alex come on please don’t cry, I do want you sexually but not until you’re well. Don’t ever think that you have to please me sexually just to make me stay, I’m here because I love you and want to be here.”

Great typical Fox ace profiler that he was, he wasn’t stupid and knew just why I’d done it. Shit now I feel even worse, maybe I’d read him all wrong but I just didn’t know anymore. It was then I realized I also didn’t know how to deal with it, or even how to put it all right.

“Alex look at me, come on pay attention. I’m flattered that you want me like that, hell I’m glad you want me at all after the past we have. I hated you then because I wanted you, I also hated you because I believed you killed my father for no reason at all. You could have told me the truth Alex, but no you went and lied just to protect me.”

Shit maybe that was it, I’d killed people so maybe this was to be my punishment. It suddenly hit me just who I really was and what I was. I was a fucking murderer for crying out loud, I deserved this life just stuck trapped in my own body.

“Alex you’re not focusing any more are you, hey Alex look at me.”

I finally look at the man sat in front of me, shit he was an honest man and an F.B.I Agent. Why the hell would he want to be with a murderer like me, guilt was the only reason I could think of for him staying.

Suddenly I wanted Fox away from me, yet here I was unable to move out of his arms. My life was just totally pathetic; hell it was so pathetic I couldn’t even end it without someone’s help.

“Alex what is it, come on you were doing so well today so what happened?”

I tried using my right hand to push him away, all I wanted was some space and to understand just what it was that I wanted.

“Alex do you want me to let go of you?”

I squeezed his right hand twice but then wished I hadn’t, everything felt even worse when he let go and I felt so alone once again.

“Alex are you sure that this is what you really want?”

I squeezed his hand twice and then once, I didn’t know any more what the hell I wanted as everything was so complicated.

“Is that a yes or a no Alex?”

I squeezed his hand once and held on to it like it was a lifeline, I knew that I couldn’t do it all alone.

“Come on Alex let’s just get you laid back down, I think what you need is a good night’s rest. You’ve had a really busy day; hell I think it’s finally just all caught up with you that’s all.”

I squeezed his hand twice, I loved him and just needed to be able to communicate better. Maybe Fox was right, thing’s might look different after a good night’s sleep. I held on to him for some time, truth be told I was afraid to let go. Shit I knew that I’d drive him away if I kept on behaving like this, I just had to try and get my head together.

XXXXXXXXXX

I would really need to decide what to do about work, the medical staff had already warned me that his mood and behaviour would be affected. I was still holding on to him the following morning.

“Hey Alex how are you feeling today, better than yesterday I hope?”

I felt relieved when he squeezed my hand twice, it made me feel somewhat better about leaving him. Alex would be going for more treatment while I had people to go and see. I decided I’d pay a trip to the Hoover first, I would need to see Skinner and discuss work with him.

The drive over was really peaceful as I listened to the radio, however I started to feel upset by some song or other. The singer was singing about been far away for far too long, yeah that was how I felt about Alex at the moment.

I took the lift up to the fourth floor, I then went and found Skinner in his office. I knocked once and he asked me to enter.

“It’s good to see you Agent Mulder, have you come to let me know what you’ve decided.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“You don’t sound too sure about it.”

“Alex has no one but me, he’s also going through a really rough patch at the moment.”

“Agent Mulder I’m sure Krycek will be like that for some time, it’d not like he’s going to be different any time soon.”

“Thanks’ for that reminder Sir.”

“I’m just trying to be straight with you Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah well I’m the one there, I see him every day and know how bad he is.”

“Look why don’t you just think about what you’re doing, is having a relationship with him that important?”

“Fuck you Sir, right that’s it I’m just going to take another week off.”

“You need permission Agent Mulder.”

“Look I’m owed many weeks; shit I’ve gone without hardly taking any time off. You can either make it happen, that or I will go over your head.”

“Fine Agent Mulder I’ll see what I can do.”

“Fine you can contact me on my mobile if you need me.”

“Very well Agent Mulder, is that all?”

“If you really want to see how he is just visit him, however I guarantee he’s not the same man that you once knew.”

“Maybe I might just do that Agent Mulder.”

“Goodbye Sir.”

With that I walked out of the door, I really didn’t need all this shit at the moment. I decided while I was here to pay a visit to my office, also to see if Scully was there too. I went to my office to find it locked, I let myself in to find nothing had changed. I decided to wait and see if Scully would turn up at all.

XXXXXXXXXX

If Fox was bothered by my behaviour, well let’s just say he wasn’t saying a lot about it. I’d felt like a total idiot for trying what I did and should have known better, I should have known Fox wouldn’t have been impressed by it. I’d just wanted to give him something in return for all he’d done for me, however I guessed that it would have to wait for a while now.

My treatment today was quiet demanding but it was worthwhile; as I could now move my toes along with my right arm. Basically it was my brain re programming it’s self somewhat, the rest would either follow or have to be re learnt. I’d also been informed that it might take years to fully recover, also some things would remain as they were now.

They informed me that the following day they’d be working on my legs, to try and get me to stand up with some support. For today they had wanted to work on my communication, at least I’d then be able to express how I felt about everything.

I was to carry on learning to say words, but for now they had something else planned. The nurse brought in a computer on a trolley, she then plugged it all in and set it up.

“Okay Alex we’re going to make some use of your right hand, now you have movement in your arm this should be easy. You can type your answers or questions whichever you want. I want you to start by just typing your name for now.”

I sat and looked at the computer screen, shit could it really be that easy. If it was it would make things far better for me. The keyboard had been placed right in front of my hand as I could move my fingers, it was very slow to start with, however soon I’d managed a full sentence.

My name is Alex Krycek

“That’s really good Alex, the more you practice the quicker it will get. You can now tell people what you want, but for now just type anything so you get the practice.”

I finally felt like this great weight had been lifted from above me, I couldn’t wait to tell Fox the news. Firstly I wanted to start calling him Fox all the time, I just wasn’t sure it was what he really wanted.

“Right how would you like to spend a full day with just Agent Mulder, you can spend tomorrow with him if it’s what you want? We will tell you what exercising to do together, then hopefully that way you won’t feel too pressured.”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

“Okay we’ll just have to check it’s also good with Agent Mulder first.”

“Yeah that’s okay.”

“I think we’ll take you back to your room now Alex, I’ll get you all settled first. I’ll then have the computer set up in your room on a portable table, then you can maybe keep practicing so you can talk to us all.”

“Thank you ever so much.”

“Hey you are more than welcome; everyone here just wants to see you recover from all this. There will always be someone around that would be willing to help you should you need it.”

The nurse carried on talking to me as we went back to my room, soon someone else came along and set the computer up for me. Fox had still not returned so they were unable to make any plans for tomorrow, I’d been looking forward to spending the day together.

XXXXXXXXXX

I pulled out the photo of Alex, it was the one I’d got out of the bureau files. The photo showed a very young looking Alex as an agent, he’d still been good looking even back then. I couldn’t believe Skinner had asked me if he was worth it, I’d fallen in love and couldn’t just turn it on and off. For once in my life I had someone that actually meant something to me, I hadn’t been expecting it but I wouldn’t change it.

I looked up as I heard the door open slowly, I was then met with a cold look from Scully.

“Are you back to actually work this time Mulder, or are you just visiting again?”

“It’s good to see you too Scully.”

“Look Mulder I’m not going to beat about the bush, but I really think you need some sort of help with all of this.”

“Why do I?”

“God Mulder you must really need help, you’re the one who thinks he’s in love with Alex Krycek and its sick.”

“Why is it that everyone thinks I’m incapable of love, or incapable of making my own decisions in life?”

“That’s not the problem Mulder and you know it, you just choose to ignore the things you don’t like.”

“No I’m sorry I almost forgot, I’m only allowed to be in love with someone if you and Skinner approve of them first.”

“Mulder he killed your father for crying out loud, yet you seem to have forgot that little fact.”

“He killed my father to save my life, I wouldn’t even be here now if it wasn’t for him.”

“That’s what he told you Mulder.”

“Yeah amongst other people.”

“I just can’t believe you’re been that gullible Mulder, to just suddenly believe everything that someone just tells you.”

“He didn’t tell me anything Scully, he couldn’t tell me because he was in a fuckin coma.”

“Yeah well maybe he should have done us all a favour and stayed in one.”

“You fuckin bitch, I can’t believe you just that about him. You’re very lucky that you’re a woman Scully after that remark.”

“Look I’m sorry Mulder it just came out; I really didn’t mean to say that.”

“I had been hoping that we could have remained friends Scully, but it doesn’t look that way does it?”

“I can’t answer that at the moment Mulder it’s too hard, hell I don’t even know if he was the one who shot Melissa?”

“Well when he can talk I’ll be sure to ask him.”

“Yeah you do that, however I can’t work with you Mulder until all this is dealt with.”

“Fine we can discuss it in a weeks’ time as that’s when I plan to return to work.” 

“Fine if that’s what you want I’ll see you then.”

I walked out of there and slammed the door shut behind me, I was going to go straight back to the hospital but decided otherwise. I decided that I’d go pay a visit to my apartment for a change, it felt like it had been ages since I was last there.

I was in a really foul pissed off mood by the time I reached Hegal place, I went straight to the vodka I’d left there. I had at least half a bottle left, I would finish the bottle and then decide what to do, as there was no way I could go back to Alex in this mood.

I collapsed on to my couch and started knocking back the vodka neat, soon I became oblivious to everything around me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Soon I was fed some more of the mush food, then I had someone help me get into bed. The computer was on a trolley and placed beside my bed, however I felt far too tired to do anything constructive.

I just lay there thinking about things in general, did I really deserve what I had with Fox? Maybe he’d seen sense and decided not to come back at all, no I really didn’t want to think about that right now.

Great I knew that if I kept this up I’d become even more depressed; however I must have eventually just fallen asleep. I woke up and looked at the clock to find four hours had passed since I last looked at it. It was now eleven in the evening and still Fox hadn’t returned as of yet, it was starting to look more and more like he wasn’t coming back.

I decided I’d try practising my typing for a while, at least that way it would keep my brain somewhat active. I just sat there for ten minutes deciding what I could write, I really didn’t know where to start at all. My mind couldn’t stop thinking about Fox, or what I would do should he decide not to return.

I was just feeling so frustrated and needed to hit out at something, I started tapping my foot and clenching my fist out of anger. I realized that I really would need a way to relieve all the tension I felt, otherwise it would end up driving me mad. It was nearly midnight when a nurse popped in to check on me.

“Don’t you think that you should be asleep Alex?”

She came over to the monitor and waited for a reply, I felt like the least I could do was answer her.

“I don’t seem to be able to sleep at the moment.”

“Why is there something bothering you Alex?”

“Everything is wrong with me and all of this.”

“Is it because it’s your first night alone, I notice that Agent Mulder’s not with us this evening.”

“Maybe, I’m just not sure anymore that I can do this.”

“Hey don’t talk like that, I’m sure Agent Mulder will have a good reason for not been here.”

“Yeah maybe he’s finally realized that I’m just a waste of time and space.”

“Don’t tear yourself up about it until you know the facts okay.”

“I’ll try not to.”

“Look I’ll call back in about an hour or so, if you’re still awake I’ll give you something to help you sleep.”

“Great I can’t wait.”

Finally the nurse left and I was alone once more, well alone with all my negative thoughts that were going around inside my head.

I tried I really did, but no matter what I seemed unable to fall asleep. I just didn’t like the idea of having to take the sleeping pills that was all, I had very little control over my body as it was.

I sat with the keyboard in front of me, I had to think of something to write so it would keep me busy. I decided that I’d write down all my feelings also what I wanted, I guess that I could always write a letter to Fox, it wasn’t like he’d ever get to read it anyway.

XXXXXXXXXX


	11. Chapter 11

I woke sometime later on with a headache, great the vodka bottle was empty and I needed a piss more than anything else at all. I got up and headed towards the bathroom, shit it was then that I realized it was already dark outside. I finished up in the bathroom and went to make myself a much needed coffee, I had a quick glance at the clock as I went past. I had to look at the clock twice to check I was seeing right as it was now four in the morning.

I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get in to see Alex anyway at this hour of night, not until the staff changed shift at six in the morning. I finally made myself a black coffee and drank it really fast, then I got myself showered and dressed into clean clothes.

It took me just over twenty minutes to arrive at the hospital due to very little traffic, I also had to rush inside due to the sudden heavy rain that had just started as I pulled up. It didn’t take too long to find the nurse who’d been on night duty, she was just getting ready to leave the hospital after her shift had finished.

“Hi can I just have a quick word about Alex before you leave?”

“Yes of course you can Agent Mulder.”

“Please can you just call me Mulder as everyone else does?”

“Yes okay Mulder it is then; I was glad that you caught me anyway as I had wanted a word with you too.”

“Why has there been a problem, is Alex okay?”

“Alex made great progress yesterday, we’ve taught him how to communicate using a keyboard and a computer. Oh Alex has also got some feeling back in his feet too.”

“So that sounds like really good news then?”

“Yes it is but Alex had wanted to share the good news with you, then you never came back and he became really depressed by it all.”

“Please tell me that he’s okay now, nothing’s happened to him has it?”

“He’s still asleep and will be for some time, we had no choice but to sedate him for his own good. Alex was starting to show signs of distress, which is something he doesn’t need when he has a brain injury.”

“Shit, oh I’m sorry, I had a couple of drinks last night and fell asleep. I’d been to see my Boss, well let’s just say it was a rather stressful day.”

“To be honest you need to arrange with Alex to have some time out, you will also need some space and time for yourself.”

“Yeah I just feel really guilty though if I’m not here with him.”

“That’s something that is perfectly natural, he’s just showing a lot of anger and frustration right now because of everything. It’s a perfectly normal stage to go through and it’s hard for the patient, Alex feels that he’s worthless and doesn’t deserve to be here.”

“I’ll wait until he wakes, then I’ll see if I can have a word with him.”

I entered the room to find Alex asleep as I’d expected, he looked so innocent and whole as he slept. It was then that I noticed the trolley with the computer on, I also noticed that Alex had wrote a message on the screen, I couldn’t help myself and started reading it.

Great I finally learn to communicate, but as usual I don’t have anyone to fuckin communicate with. I’ll sit here talking to myself as I’m the only one listening, Fox never even came back to see me or say goodbye.

How the hell can I blame him, it’s not like he really owes me anything in life anyway. There is also one other down side to all of this, now I won’t be able to ask Fox for his help. So here I am now waiting until the day comes I’m able to do it myself, I shouldn’t have even considered asking Fox really in the first place. How the hell do you ask an F.B.I Agent to commit euthanasia?

I had to stop reading at that point, what the fuck was going on in Alex’s head at the moment, did he really think that it was something that I could have done anyway.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to find Fox sat beside the bed, I was quiet surprised as I hadn’t thought he would return. I just lay there staring at him, shit I didn’t even know what to say to him anymore. Not that it mattered now anyway as Fox soon found his own voice, he did sound like he was on the verge of tears though.

  
“Why Alex?”

Great he’d have to wait until I typed my reply, sometimes it could also be really slow going too.

“What do you mean why, I could ask you the same thing Fox. Why didn’t you bother coming back last night, also why the hell bother now?”

“Alex I had a bad day that’s all, I’d gone home and got rather drunk and then I fell asleep. I’m so sorry that I never came back last night, I’m also really sorry that I hurt you, but fuck it Alex don’t you even know how I feel?”

“Sick of me I suspect.”

“Alex I’ve read what you wrote on the computer last night.”

Fuck I’d totally forgot all about leaving the message on there.

“Shit you wasn’t meant to see that, I’d thought that you wouldn’t come back.”

“Well I did see it and I read every word of it Alex, shit you really thought I’d just help you kill yourself.”

What the hell did he really expect me to say to him, fuck it I’d just go with the truth?

“I’m sorry that you had to read it Fox, however I’m not sorry that it was what I wanted.”

“Yeah that leaves one other question Alex, is it still what you want?”

Shit what do I really want, all I wanted was for this fuckin nightmare to end. I didn’t want to live like this as it’d already been a couple of months.

“Hey Alex are you even listening to me?”

“What Fox.”

“I asked you a question Alex, do you still want to end your own life, come on what is it that you want?”

“To go back to how I was before all of this, I just want to be normal again that’s all.”

“Alex given time you will recover a considerable amount.”

“I don’t want to be alone; what reason do I really have Fox for carrying on?”

“I know that this is probably going to sound really selfish Alex, but I want you to carry on and I want you here with me.”

“Yeah until the time comes when you become bored and fed up with me.”

Fox became really quiet and I could see the cogs turning, the man was very intelligent granted but he thought about things way too much.

“Alex I’m not going anywhere, I’m here if you want me to be here. Shit what more can I say to make you understand? I made one mistake Alex and I’m so sorry for that.

“Yeah I’m sorry too Fox, I just got really fed up that’s all.”

“Alex it’s perfectly normal after what you’ve been through, shit you nearly died because of it all. I want you to understand that I didn’t choose to fall in love with you Alex, however I did fall in love with you and I have no regrets at all.”

I’m fucked up totally, I have him and just try to keep pushing him away.

XXXXXXXXXX

I somehow had a feeling it would be harder than I thought, I loved him but somehow I had to make him realize that too.

“Fox I’m sorry I’d just wanted you for so long, hell I’d wanted you when I was still whole. I guess I just can’t understand how you love and would want me now, not with the way I have become.”

“Hey just try not to be so hard on yourself Alex, that way you might find you get better far quicker.”

“I’m trying I really am.”

“Yeah I know you are Alex, hey I even managed to get myself an extra week off work.”

“Fox you’ll just get bored.”

“No I won’t, I’ll be here to do things with you Alex as I got told that you were doing really well. I also got told that we could spend the day together.”

“They’ve been working on my leg muscles and want me to try standing, I just thought it would be good if you could help me that’s all.”

“Of course I’ll help you Alex, I’ll help you with anything so just let me know and I’ll be there.”

Shit now for some reason I was feeling really emotional, it was then that I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

“Fox I said I was sorry, please don’t cry.”

“You’re so gorgeous and intelligent Alex, how the hell could I have abused you like I did is beyond me.”

“It’s the past Fox, I was the one who pissed you off and refused to tell you the truth.”

“Yeah but that’s still no excuse Alex, not really.”

“Fox you still turned me on and made me want you more than ever.”

“Really! What even after I drugged and raped you?”

“Jeez Fox you’re the crack profiler, why do you think I went back there and did what I did?”

“I guess I’d never really thought about it Alex.”

“Shit it was the only way that I could get off anymore, I just imagined that it was you doing it to me.”

Shit I’d really not expected him to say that, so the idiot had risked his life to relieve himself. I was the one to blame for his predicament, as I’d made him that way.

“Alex you do know that you can’t ever do anything like that again.”

“Like what?”

“The drugs, the affixation or any of it as it was far too risky.”

“Fox I’d do it if you wanted me to do it, I’d do anything for you.”

“No Alex, I was wrong on every level to do what I did.”

“Fine maybe just a collar then, you could also put me over your knee.”  
“I take it that you’re a bit kinky then Alex?”

“Only with you Fox, I still can’t believe that you actually thought I was straight.”

“Yeah well let’s just say that I’m glad you’re not, I’m also glad of one other thing…”

“What’s that?”

“I’m glad that you call me Fox, it makes what we have more special to me as only you call me it.”

It felt strange when I thought about it, Alex was hardly able to even move or talk. Yet here we were discussing sex and what we could do, also what turned us on.

XXXXXXXXXX

“It means a lot to me too to be able to call you Fox.”

“Yeah well I assure you that it will only be you Alex, everyone else can still call me Mulder.”

“Hey that’s fine by me.”

“Come on then we’d better get you sat up, see if maybe you can sit on the edge of the bed.”

“Yeah okay I’ll try, I’m just not sure whether I can do it or not.”

“Right Alex you won’t be able to use the keyboard for a bit, so I’m afraid communication won’t be at its best.”

“Yeah that’s going to be the biggest problem Fox. I won’t be able to tell you if I can’t do it, or I want you to stop.”

“Right I’ll ask you to try standing Alex to start with, if things become too much for you at all just say Fox okay?”

“Yeah okay can we just get on with it then, I really want to get this over with as I don’t want to disappoint you?”

Fox helped me sit up and then swing my legs over the edge of the bed, he then left me sat there waiting while he disappeared. He’d only gone over to the stereo and put some music on to make it easier, he then pulled me up onto my feet. He stood with me in his arms, I knew that he was having to take most of my weight.

“Just imagine that you’re dancing with me Alex, a nice slow romantic dance just the two of us.”

God Fox knew how to make me feel all emotional, I just sank in to his arms as he kissed me on the cheek.

“God Alex it’s been such a short time, I just love you so much and couldn’t imagine my life without you now.”

He spent his time distracting me, he held me and talked to me for quite a long time. I hadn’t even realized that he was no longer taking my weight, I was pretty much supporting myself as I stood.

“Look Alex you can do it, god I’m so proud of you and how fast you’re learning.”

He was to spend another hour or so with me, he never gave up until I could fully stand alone.

“Look see we’ll have you walking before you know it, come on we’d better let you sit down and have a rest.”

Fox sat me in the wheelchair this time, he then wheeled the computer back over to me.

“Right Alex let’s get you all washed and dressed, then I think we’d better get you something to eat don’t you?” 

Fox managed to remove my pyjama top, he then got some warm water and started to gently wash me.

“I’m going to pull you up and remove your pyjama pants is that okay with you?”

I typed a message letting Fox know that I was okay with that.

“Right come on then let’s get it done.”

This really could not be happening to me, especially right now. Shit he’d been so good to me and kind, I’d also felt extremely aroused by his proximity. By the time Fox removed my pants I was hard, so I tried avoiding all eye contact with him.

“Hey Alex please look at me; I promise that I’m not going to be judging you. If it’s for me I’m extremely flattered trust me, but I’m well aware that they have you on medication.”

“I’m fine and I’m well aware that the drug can cause arousal, but hell you’re far more arousing than any drug Fox.”

XXXXXXXXXXXX

I’d not been expecting that, but hell I felt sorry for him and was unsure if he wanted me to do anything for him. I knew that the drugs could do that to him, but I could also tell that he was embarrassed by it.

“Alex can you feel anything down there, or do you think it could be just the medication.”

“I really don’t know Fox.”

I gently ran my thumb over the end of his cock, both of his hands were trying to grab hold of me. I would have stopped if I’d thought it was hurting him, however I could see his pupils start to dilate and knew that he was enjoying it. I then bent forward and took him deep into my mouth as far as I could, I then sucked on his large erection like there was no tomorrow wanting to give him relief.

Within no time at all I felt him come inside my mouth, I took my time until the spasms stopped then I licked him clean.

“Hey Alex are you still with me, earth to Alex.”

“Fox tired.”

“Hey you said two words that time, come on I’d better finish cleaning you up.”

Soon I had him all clean, however I could tell that he was becoming really tired now. I held him in my arms and kissed him on the lips.

“Come on Alex eat this and then you can have a sleep.”

“Yeah that sounds good Fox.”

I fed him the mushed up food, at least he was getting far better at swallowing it. They had removed the drip now so that he can eat, overtime the food would just start becoming more solid.

I finally got him into bed and lay beside him, even though he wasn’t quite ready to go to sleep just yet. Alex decided that he wanted to talk first, well type that is. At least he could still communicate with me.

“Thank you Fox.”

“What for?”

“Everything.” 

“I just want you to be happy Alex more than anything.”

“Believe me Fox been here with you makes me really happy.”

“I’m glad, I get this feeling though that somethings bothering you at times.”

“I was scared that I might never recover from this, now I’m scared about if I do recover.”

“Why what is it that’s making you feel scared Alex?”

“I’m scared; I don’t know how I’ll cope when I have to leave here.”

“I don’t understand what you mean Alex?”

“I’ll be on my own, they said that they can provide me with an apartment if I want one.”

“Is that what you want Alex?”

“What choice do I really have Fox, especially in my condition anyway?”

“Maybe I got it all wrong.”

“Got all what wrong Fox?”

“Me and you, I guess I’d expected us to be a couple in every respect once you left here.”

“I thought that we are a couple.”

“Well I just thought you might have wanted to come home with me, hell move in with me Alex.”

“Do you really mean it, I just thought it would be too much for you Fox.”

“Of course I mean it Alex, I’m sure we’ll cope between the two of us. We pretty much manage now okay.”

I really believed that I and Alex could really make a go of this, obviously it would take a lot of effort and patience on both sides. That was something I’d be willing to do if it ensured we would have a future together, as I’m sure Alex would too.

XXXXXXXXXX

That felt like a huge weight of my mind, finally I now felt like I’d be able to sleep.

I woke the next morning to find that my doubts had returned, it seemed strange to feel this way as I was getting better. This morning I had more movement in both my arms, also I appeared to be able to move both of my feet.

I had a feeling that Fox would only stay until I was well again, deep down I had to wonder if he was just doing it out of guilt.  I was brought out of my day dream by Fox, he gently kissed me on the lips and then held me.

“Hey you were looking like you were miles away Alex.”

I then reached over to the keyboard with my right hand, I started typing without revealing too much.

“Yeah I was just thinking about things that’s all.”

“Good thoughts I hope Alex, anyway how are you feeling this morning?”

“I have some more movement in my hands now, I can even move my feet too.”

“That’s great news Alex, we can try getting you to stand again today if you want that is?”

“Yeah that’d be good Fox I guess I need to keep at it while I can.” 

“Hey you sound a bit upset Alex.”

“Fox will you kiss me and just hold me?”

“God of course I will Alex, I would be my pleasure to hold you whenever you want. Also you don’t have to give me a reason to want to kiss you, I could quiet happily kiss you all day long.”

I felt like a total idiot as he kissed me, the tears just started and I was unable to stop them. Shit then he started kissing the tears away and hugging me.

“Come on talk to me Alex I won’t just sweep it under the carpet, not when I know that something’s really bothering you. I don’t want or like to see you this upset ever, do you understand me Alex?”

I managed to grab him and not let go, I was unable to even see to type an answer to him. He lay back down with me in his arms, it felt so good to be hugged and wanted.

It took some time for the tears to finally stop, then even longer for me to finally reach the keyboard.

“I just feel so confused at the moment, things are just moving so fast and a lot worries me.”

“What you mean between the two of us, as in us as a couple?”

“I don’t know as it’s been what three months since this happened.”

“Yes and you’ve been doing really well Alex in such a short time.”

“You don’t understand what I’m trying to say do you?”

“Understand what Alex?”

“Three months ago you wanted to kill me Fox, you hated me more than I’d thought possible.”

“Alex I never wanted to kill you, I wanted to cause you some pain because I was hurting. Also I never hated you the way you think, I hated you because you made me want you. I liked you that first day but I was your superior, I had to behave myself in case you went and reported me.”

“Fox can we just leave the talk to another day please?”

“Of course we can Alex, I’ll be here to listen whenever you want to talk okay.”

“I need your help Fox; shit I don’t know how to say this.”

Great the flood gates opened and the tears came once more, I seemed to have no control over my emotions at all.

XXXXXXXXXX


	12. Chapter 12

Alex was really starting to worry me now; it was as obvious as hell that something was really wrong.

“Alex is it me that you have the problem with, do you want to even be with me?”

“Fox I want to be with you more than I want anything else, believe me it’s not you that’s the problem it’s me.”

“Come on then all we can do is take each day as it comes, that’s all you can really do at the moment Alex.”

“Yeah that sounds like a good idea Fox.”

“What did you mean Alex when you said that you need help, I told you that I’ll be here every day for you? We can always start with the walking again today, that’s if you feel up to it.”

“I know Fox and I really appreciate it, but that wasn’t the kind of help I meant.”

“So what exactly did you mean then?”

“Not physically, I mean I think there’s something mentally wrong with me Fox.”

“Why, what makes you think that?”

“I seem totally unable to control the depression, or even my emotions come to think of it.”

“Alex we can mention it to the Doctor today if you want? It might make you feel a lot better if you talk about it.”

“Yeah okay Fox I’ll see what he says then.”

We spent the next few hours trying to get Alex to walk, he actually managed to take a couple of steps which was good. I really wanted to get Alex the help he would need, I decided I’d find the Doctor and get him to have a talk with Alex.

I was told that the Doctor would be along soon, I’d also given them advance notice with regards to the problem. I went and gave Alex his evening meal, I even let him use the spoon so he could practice doing it on his own. It was hard work but Alex was getting better at it, soon he’d be able to feed himself his meals.

A short while later the Doctor came to see Alex, I could tell by his face that he was worried.

“Good evening Alex, how are you feeling as Mulder said you wanted to see me?”

“It’s hard to explain, I just find it really hard working out all my feelings and I cry over nothing at all.”

“So it’s all of your feelings Alex, not just certain ones?”

“All of them, shit I just feel so fed up and angry all the time, I have no right to be angry with other people as I did this to myself.”

“Right I think the best course of action would be another scan, that’s if you feel alright about having another one Alex?”

“Yeah I’m willing to try anything.”

The nurse left to go and find an orderly, I just sat and kept Alex company while we waited. How he could blame himself for all this was beyond me, it had been my fault that Alex had gone back there and did what he did.

“Fox don’t!”

I looked up to see Alex’s gorgeous face, shit then the guilt just felt ten times worse.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t blame yourself, I was the one that chose to carry on taking the drugs.”

“But it was my fault that you started in the first place.”

“Later Fox, I promise that we will talk about this later on.”

Soon Alex was being wheeled back for another scan, I was left alone to wait once more.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was asleep in bed when the Doctor brought the results, it was Fox who ever so gently woke me up.

“Right Alex we have your results from the scan back, as from all the past tests we know the right side suffered the worst. The right side of your brain is also responsible for interpretation and emotional deficiencies.”

“So you’re saying that I’ll stay like this then, shit this is how I’ll spend the rest of my life?”

“Your hippocampus is a part of your brain that reacts and shrinks with certain things, mainly been stress and depression. Emotional behaviour can be harder to deal with than physical problems, you will feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself.”

“You don’t say, I think I’ve already reached that stage.”

“Alex listen we can arrange a neurologist to help you, some people even need to bereave the loss of their former self. The healing process is made up of grief, denial, anger, acceptance and finally resolution. It can take years to fully run its course, but we can help you deal with it in the meantime.”

I’m willing to try anything if you think it will help me.”

“I’m glad that you’re willing Alex, as believe me it will affect everyone around you. People may feel lost and unable to cope with your mood swings, but they will try to cope if it benefits you.”

“Yeah I understand that and Fox had already done a lot for me, so I want to do it if it will also make it easier for him.”

“I will also be prescribing a course of anti-depressants as well as you’ll need them, they release serotonin to the brain that can relieve stress and depression levels.”

“Yeah that sounds okay, so when do you want me to start taking the pills then?”

“You will be able to start the pills today, it’s just that they can take up to a couple of weeks to start working.”

I thanked the Doctor, then it was just myself and Fox once more. What the fuck was I doing? I had to let Fox go as this wasn’t fair on him. I could feel the depression eating away inside me, ha along with the anger and everything else. Part of me doubted I’d ever accept what I’d become, I couldn’t drag Fox down with me.

The question was how the hell I would tell Fox, maybe I could just start blaming it all on him. No I knew that was too awful to even think about, Fox would let it eat away at him and destroy him. I suppose I could always just tell him I didn’t want him here with me anymore, I’m not sure that he would actually believe me though.

“Alex are you going to talk to me or not?”

“What about Fox, what do you expect me to say!”

“This, hell everything, how you feel about it all Alex?”

“What do you want from me Fox, because I don’t think I can give you it no matter what it is?”

“How about the truth Alex that would be a good place to start.”

“You wouldn’t like the truth Fox believe me.”

“How about you just try me then.”

“Fine okay you want the truth; I think that you should leave.”

“What you expect me to just leave here, walk away and never ever look back like none of this ever even happened.”

“Well personally I think that Krycek is right Agent Mulder.”

Shit it was then that I noticed Skinner stood in the doorway, he was the last person I expected or wanted to see here.

XXXXXXXXXX

“This has nothing to do with you at all Sir as this isn’t anything work related, why are you here anyway?”

“You told me to come Agent Mulder, you said to come and look myself if I didn’t believe you.”

“Yeah well now you’ve seen him and what he’s like, so you can just go and leave.”

“Surely even you Agent Mulder can see that he’s just using you, I’d always thought you were an extremely intelligent man.”

“I chose to be here, so it had nothing to do with him using me.”

“You let yourself be taken in by him, he claims to have no one so he uses you. He’s nothing but a fuckin murdering lying bastard, when he gets better he will still be a murdering lying bastard so don’t you see the pattern that’s going on here.”

I couldn’t move fast enough as Alex pushed himself up, he’d used every bit of strength in his arms to do it. He’d just forgot that his legs were still extremely weak. Skinner stepped back to avoid him, Alex then landed really hard on the floor.

“For fucks sake calm down Agent Mulder.”

“Get the fuck off me right now Skinner.”

“Just calm down and I will let you go.”

Within minutes there was a nurse checking on Alex, all I wanted to do was hold Alex and see if he was okay. My biggest problem at the moment was Skinner, I just wanted him to let me go.

However, it was then that the Doctor entered the room and he looked pissed bigtime.

“Sir I don’t know who you are, but can you please just leave now.”

“I’m Assistant Director Walter Skinner of the F.B.I.”

“Yes well this isn’t the F.B.I is it, it’s a hospital for unwell people who don’t need a disturbance like this.”

“Yeah and you’re treating a murderer, Alex Krycek is nothing but murdering scum.”

“While here he’s a patient, so if that’s all you can leave now. You can do it the easy way, or I can always just call security.”

“Very well I’m leaving, I’ll talk to you later Agent Mulder.”

“Don’t hurry on my account will you?”

I watched as Skinner just turned and walked out, he just left like he’d done nothing wrong at all.

I rushed over to help put Alex back on the bed, I had to pray that he’d be alright.

“I’ll be back shortly Sir with Alex’s own Doctor.”

“Very well and thank you.”

I kissed Alex on the forehead and then stroked his cheek.

“You really need to realize that you can’t take on the world anymore Alex, especially not on your own.”

I watched as he opened those gorgeous green eyes, it took him a few moments to register where he was. He also looked nervously around the room, most probably wanted to check that we were alone now.

“Gone?”

“Yeah Alex he’s gone, that wasn’t one of your brightest ideas was it?”

“I wasn’t thinking, Skinner just pisses me off all the time. However he’s right though Fox, you should just leave here and forget all about me.”

“You had better drop that idea right now and get used to it, because believe me I’m not going anywhere. I love you Alex and want to be here, it’s not you forcing me to stay and what does Skinner’s opinion matter. You should want to stay with me, hell even if it was just to piss Skinner off.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Jesus Fox and you call me stubborn, you need to look in a mirror and then you’ll know what stubborn is.”

“We make a pair then, so you can stop moaning now Alex okay.”

“Fox why didn’t you just let me go that day, that way you wouldn’t be stuck here with me now.”

  
“I only have one regret about not letting you go Alex, because if I’d just let you go you wouldn’t have ended up like this.”

“Fox I’m surprised I’ve even survived as long as this, every day is just a bonus to me after the life I’ve led.”

“Alex when you were in the coma they asked me if you had any next of kin, I didn’t even know if you had any family or not. It’s just you’d made it pretty clear in the past that no one would miss you.”

“No one will miss me Fox, as there is no one out there to miss me. I have no family that I want to know, I might still have some distant relatives for all I know. It doesn’t matter though Fox, even if there were any relatives it would be back in Russia.”

“What about your parents Alex, are they no longer alive or are they in Russia?”

“It’s a long story Fox, believe me it would take some time.”

“Hey we have plenty of time Alex, well that’s only if you want to tell me.”

“Well you already guessed what my father did to me.”

“Yeah I know and I’m really sorry about that, how old was you anyway Alex?”

“I was twelve Fox and it carried on until I was sixteen, I left there to get away from him. Even back then I also wanted a career in the F.B.I, my Mother was heartbroken when she found out as I was her angel, that and she also felt like she’d let me down.”

“So what happened to your parents then after she found out?”

“My Mother kicked my Father out, as she despised him and what he’d done to me. From what I heard he became an alcoholic, not that I give a shit about him anymore. As for my Mother, last I knew she was still in Russia.”

“I thought you said that you had no family, yet you have a Mother that’s alive.”

“It’s not what you think Fox, when I left home I went to college, then Quantico. She was really proud of me when I graduated, her son an F.B.I Agent.”

Shit I felt so lost and it fuckin hurt, did I really want her to see what had really become of me.

“Hey Alex are you okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too.”

“No I want to tell you Fox, I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. Spender offered me so much if I’d work for him so I did, it was meant to be a fast track to the top.”

“So why did you go against Spender then, especially if you thought he was going to help you?”

“He used me because he knew that I liked you, he ended up exposing me to you anyway. I blackmailed someone in to writing an official letter for me, shit what the fuck did I do Fox.”

“Hey I’m sure you did what you thought was for the best, it can’t be that bad can it Alex?”

Great I guess the time had come to tell him the truth, which was how I was nothing but a total bastard.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex had done something that he regretted, but surely it couldn’t be that bad could it?

“Just tell me when you feel up to it Alex, hey there’s no rush so don’t worry.”

“Fox I want to tell you; hell I need to tell you everything. My whole life and I’ve kept it all to myself, I don’t want to do that anymore or with you.”

“Fine go on then Alex if it’s what you really want to do.”

“I got someone to write a letter saying I’d died in the line of duty; you see just what a fuckin bastard I am.”

“I’m sure that you had your reasons Alex.”

“Fox I sent a fuckin weighted coffin back home, a sealed coffin that wasn’t to be opened due to severe injuries. She was my Mother, shit and I went and destroyed her.”

I had to watch as he started sobbing, I just felt so helpless at the moment. He was already suffering from severe depression and a brain injury, I just wished that Skinner hadn’t come here today and upset him.

I presumed this had been on his mind for some time, finally it had been triggered by all the other events. Jesus I was starting to realize there was more to Alex than met the eye, I guess I’d soon be finding it all out.

“Fox I can understand if you don’t want to be here with me, if you want to just go and forget about me.”

“Why, what would make you think that Alex.”

“Maybe because I’m a complete bastard, the one person who gave me so much love and I destroyed her. I was rebellious because of what my Father did, then she found out her only Son was gay on top of everything else.”

“Alex I’m sure she wasn’t bothered by that; you were still her son at the end of the day.”

“She blamed my Father, she said that he’d made me that way. Fuck I was left with only two choices Fox I swear, I could tell her the truth that her only son was a double crossing traitor, or that he’d died a hero. You see Fox either way I had to be dead for her, she deserved far better than me for a son.”

“Alex she was your Mother, I’m sure she would have forgiven you after all you’d been through.”

“It had gone way beyond that Fox; I always fuck up everything worthwhile in my life.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Alex, you’ll just make things far worse by punishing yourself like this.”

“Fuck that I deserve everything that I get and more, Fox I really want you to leave here and get on with your life.”

God not this again, I thought that Alex had given up on that one. I couldn’t just give up on him and leave him, yet it scared the hell out of me that I’d make him worse by staying.

“Alex I’m not going anywhere so get used to it, well maybe back to work soon I guess. It’s time that we thought about your exercises, well that’s if you feel up to doing some.”

“Yeah I guess I should put the effort in, even if it’s just for a short time it might help.”

Maybe it would do us both some good if I go back to work, it would make him see if he wanted me here or not. Well I’d help Alex today then tomorrow see Skinner, great I couldn’t fuckin wait for that pleasure.

XXXXXXXXXX

Why the hell couldn’t Fox just leave, well I guess that it’s still just early days at the moment, he still had plenty of time to get sick of me. Today I did really well and managed a few steps, I even managed to feed myself. I think more than anything I wanted to be more independent, I wanted to be able to leave should the need arise.

I had never been so dependant and it scared the hell out of me, I wanted to keep all my options open and not like this.

“Hey you’ve done really well today Alex and I’m pleased, a couple more weeks and you might be able to leave here.”

“Great I can’t fuckin wait.”

“Alex you’ve done so well, so come on what gives?”

“Fox what if I can’t cope with all of this, it will be really hard?”

  
“Alex they won’t let you leave here until you can manage by yourself, I wanted to talk to you anyway at some point.”

“Why, what do you want to talk about?”

“Later, come on let’s get you washed and ready for bed. Do you want to use the chair and try washing yourself?”

“Yeah I suppose I should do as it’s getting late now.”

Now that I could use both hands it helped, I was now able to wheel myself in to the bathroom and do some things myself. Fox ran the water for me and helped me undress, then I managed to wash and dry myself without help. Fox then put my feet in to a pair of boxers, I then stood while he pulled them up for me and we worked together.

“You’ll soon be able to do all this yourself Alex, even your talking is improving.”

“Fox can we go to bed as I’m getting really tired now?”

“Yeah of course you can, come on let’s get you into bed then.”

I wheeled myself back over to the bed, Fox then had to help me get in to it.

“Alex do you want the keyboard to type with?”

“Do I need it?”

God I hated only been able to talk really slow, it meant I still had to rely on the keyboard for now.

“Maybe, I just wanted to talk that’s all, but not if you’re too tired or don’t want to.”

“Yeah okay then.”

I pulled the keyboard close while Fox got in to bed, I had a feeling something was bothering him and I was about to find out what it is.

“So come on then Fox, what’s up?”

“You’re starting to get a lot better Alex; you can do so many things on your own now. All I’m trying to say is that I will need to go back to work, also I’d rather do it while you’re still here.”

“What so I can’t fuckin top myself or something, what when I have to leave here then who’ll make sure I don’t do it then?”

“Alex that’s not the reason I want to do it; I just think you’ll get on far faster without me here.”

“Great if you think like that fuck off then, maybe I’ll get on better without you here at all.”

“Shit Alex I know it’s hard, but why do you have to keep doing this?”

“Keep doing what Fox making you see sense, making you realize that you should just leave here and leave me?”

Jesus they were right, the emotional problems were becoming far worse than the physical ones, maybe one day I might just get what I ask for, or deserve.

XXXXXXXXXX


	13. Chapter 13

 “Right fine Alex I’ll go and see Skinner first thing tomorrow, as I believe it’s time that I did.”

“Yeah okay, look I’m really sorry Fox for having a go at you like that.”

“It’s okay Alex, hell I understand that it will be hard for you at times.”

“Just at times, yeah right try all the time or try been in my shoes.”

“You’ve worked hard Alex and it’s been tough on you, you need to relax at times too you know.”

“Yeah I guess that you’re right Fox, all I want is to be well again and not like this.”

“You will if you give it time, please Alex just don’t try pushing yourself all of the time.”

“I’ll try not to I promise.”

“Good come on let’s get some sleep now, we will both need to be up early in the morning. I will help you before I leave and I won’t be back late”

I felt like it had been a really long day today, maybe some sleep and I’d be up to seeing Skinner in the morning. I lay there thinking about things in general, would things feel different once I was back at work.

I wanted to support Alex the best I could but it was hard, the big question though was whether I could cope now without him. I’d hated the time that I’d been alone, but I knew that I had to be with him for the right reasons. Well they do say that love can be hard work, maybe I should just take it a day at a time. I was starting to drift off to sleep when I felt Alex’s hand grip me tight, great within seconds my cock was rock hard and responding to him.

“Alex what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I would have that that was…., shit I can’t even say it.”

“Don’t try forcing it Alex, and yeah it is as obvious as hell and that was a stupid question. You don’t need to do it through Alex, also you need to get some rest.”

“I want to do it Fox, I just want to be able to make you come.”

“Alex no don’t, please just leave it.”

“Shit when was the last time you came Fox without using your hand?”

“I don’t know but it doesn’t matter either Alex.”

“Fox all I want is to please you and make you happy.”

“Alex look I said no, it would please me more if you just got some rest.”

“You fuckin bastard, I don’t believe you Fox.”

Alex tried to turn away from me, shit I guessed that I’d gone and blown it now.

“Alex please, I only want you to rest and get better.”

“Yeah right you just get off fucking me don’t you, is that all I am to you Fox just your fuck toy?”

“Jesus of course not Alex, you’re far more than that to me.”

I stroked his cheek but he pushed my hand away, he then started to hit out at me repeatedly. I was left with no choice but to restrain him for his own safety, I grabbed him by the wrists and held him there hoping he would calm down a bit.

“Alex please just calm down and then I’ll let you go I promise.”

Shit at this rate I’d have to jerk off in the bathroom, I’d been fine until Alex had made me hard by just touching my cock.

“I swear that I want you for far more than just sex Alex, please believe me.”

XXXXXXXXXX

God could I really believe what he was saying, did Fox really want me as a person and not just as his plaything.

  
“I’m sorry Fox, I just can’t see why you put up with me. Shit you’re gorgeous Fox and could have anyone, I just don’t see why you would want me.”

“Exactly so don’t you see Alex, if it was just sex I’d have found someone else by now.”

“Yeah I suppose so Fox, maybe it’s all just in my head.”

“I’m here because I love you and want to be with you, I’d have to be mad to put up with all this just for sex.”

“Yeah I know that I’m an idiot and I’m really sorry Fox, shit I’m just so fucked up at the moment that’s all.”

God I for one would be glad when the pills kicked in, I really didn’t want to treat Fox like this all the time.

“Alex if I tell you something, well will you just promise that you won’t laugh at me?”

“Of course I won’t laugh Fox.”

“I’ve always been the domineering type also the top, Yeah I’m gay Alex but I’ve only ever fucked my other partners.”

“So you’re saying that’s how you want it to stay for us Fox?”

“No Alex that’s not what I’m saying at all, I’d never been in love until you it was always just sex. I only wanted someone special to do it, to make love to me Alex. When you’re well enough I want you, I want to feel you deep inside me as you make love to me.”

“Jesus I’d not been expecting that Fox.”

“Yeah so don’t always jump to conclusions Alex, hey and you kept your promise and never laughed at me.”

“Fox will you make love to me please, I just want to feel needed and that you do love me.”

I braced myself for his outburst and the rejection that would follow, however I was totally surprised when it never came.

“If you really feel up to it Alex it would be my pleasure.”

I watched as Fox got up and out of bed, he went and put some music on and grabbed a couple of things. He then stripped out of his boxers and got back in bed with me, soon he also started removing my underwear for me. My cock stood to attention as he pulled my boxers off.

“God you’re so sexy and gorgeous Alex do you know that.”

“Come on Fox just fuck me.”

“I’m going to make love to you Alex now just lay back and relax, I want you to enjoy this so stop me if it hurts Alex.”

“Fox my body’s past the pain stage, it’s just a case of learning to use it again. I can’t think of any other better way can you?”

“Very true Alex.”

Apart from one blow job, I couldn’t remember the last time Fox had made love to me or had sex. I’d already been in this place for a few months now, I also knew that Fox was off to see Skinner in the morning. Deep down I was scared that he might not come back, last time he’d had to think about it.

I tried to put it to the back of my mind, tonight it would just be the two of us together and that was what I wanted more than anything else. All thoughts of Fox leaving vanished as I suddenly felt pleasure, god when he put two fingers inside me I wanted to come do badly.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Don’t you be coming yet Alex, hell I’ve only just started with you!”

“Believe me I have no intention of coming anytime soon Fox.”

“Good, I’m just going to add a third finger as it’s been a while.”

I added some more lube to my fingers and inserted them, god the man was hot and fuckin tight. It would be like fucking a virgin at this rate, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I took my time with just my fingers for now, I worked them in and out loosening him up a bit.

I then plastered plenty of lube onto my own hard cock, I then positioned myself against his tight hole.

“Alex I’ll take it easy as I don’t want to hurt you, but tell me if you want to stop at all for any reason.”

“Fox you’re driving me mad, hell I just want you to get on with it please.”

“Fine I get the point Alex, don’t worry I’m on it I’ll be inside you before you know it.”

I worked my cock inside him inch by inch, he was fuckin gorgeous laid out like this. Once I was fully inside him I worked up a rhythm, I had to wonder what it felt like to have someone inside you. God the thought alone was making me even harder, it wouldn’t take long before I’d be coming as Alex moaned in pleasure.

“God Alex do you like that, I’m going to come soon as you’re so hot babe.”

I pulled back once more and slammed back in, I couldn’t hold off any longer as I came deep inside him. I felt so boneless and weak as I collapsed on top of Alex.

“Hey Fox what are you doing, you’re not asleep are you lover?”

“Sorry Alex, Jesus you wiped me out bigtime.”

“Fox what about me as I haven’t even come yet, you’re not going to leave me like this are you?”

“Of course I’m not, do you want me to use my hand or give you a blowjob?”

“Fox I want you to sit on me, I want to make love to you.”

“What if it hurts too much Alex?”

“Just put plenty of lube on my cock and your ass and it won’t hurt too much, then just sit over me and position my cock so you can know what it feels like.”

“Alex are you really sure about this, maybe we should just do it some other time?”

“Hey you’re not going to chicken out on me are you Fox, I thought you were far more of a man than that?”

“What me, I’m not a chicken and I’ll prove it to you Alex.”

I grabbed the lube and smeared it all over his very erect cock, I then placed the tip at the entrance of my ass. Jesus this was going to fuckin hurt, why the hell some men chose to get fucked. I plucked up the courage and pressed down slowly, fuck it was going in ever so slowly and then I stopped.

“Shit Alex it fuckin hurts, is it meant to hurt this much?”  
“Fox stop being a big baby will you, I guarantee you won’t be saying it hurts very soon.”

“Is that so, I’m just not so sure about this anymore?”

“Yeah just trust me Fox and sit down, you will enjoy the end result.”

“I do trust you Alex, I trust you with my life if that means anything.”

I sat back and within a few seconds I was seeing stars.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Jesus Alex I hadn’t expected it to feel like this.”

“Do you like that Fox?”

“Shit I should have done this sooner, god and it’s made me hard again so soon after I came.”

“Hey Fox I’m glad I was the one you let do this to you, you’re just so hot lover. As much as I could watch you all day I need to come now myself.”

“Come for me Alex.”

God he wouldn’t need to ask me twice, the man was just so fuckin gorgeous and all mine. He started working faster and I knew I’d come soon; I couldn’t hold back any longer as I came deep within him.

“Hey earth to Alex anyone in there, are you okay babe.”

“Oh god yeah I’m far better than just okay Fox, believe me I’ve needed that for some time now.”

Fox lent forward and kissed me on the lips, he then stroked me on the cheek.

“You’re so gorgeous Alex and deserve the best, shit and to think I hurt you and caused you so much pain.”

“Fox it’s all in the past now, come on let me relieve you as that can’t be comfortable at all.”

Fox rolled off me and I took his cock in my hand, I knew that this would be over within a couple of minutes.

“Come for me Fox, god I love you so much and you’re all mine lover.”

“Yeah Alex I’m all yours, all I ask is that you always remember that no matter what.”

I rubbed the tip of his cock over and over, soon he started to pant really heavy and was so close.

“Come now for me lover.”

Within seconds he came all over himself and my hand, I then felt him as his body totally relaxed.

“Fox come on lover you’ll need to get us a cloth, otherwise you’ll well and truly regret it in the morning.”

“Yeah true, give me a minute and I can do this.”

“You tired Fox.”

“Yeah but not just that, my legs feel like jelly and are all wobbly.”

“Take your time Fox.”

“I’m moving now.”

I watched him as he walked in to the bathroom, he was so lean and fit. He finally came back and cleaned me all up, he then climbed back in to bed and lay there holding me in his arms.

“Fox are you okay, just you’re really quiet?”

“I was just thinking about everything that’s all.”

“What about, anything interesting at all that you want to share?”

“Yeah I was thinking about you Alex; I would have never believed anyone could make me feel like you do.”

“Hey it works two ways, yet I’ve just treat you like shit for years Fox.”

“Alex it wasn’t your fault, also I was just as bad and treat you like shit too.”

“Yeah but I’m incomplete Fox, you’re there so whole and perfect compared to me.”

“Alex you have far more strength than anyone I know, you’ve had so much shit thrown at you and you’ve survived it all.”

“Yeah right I’ve only just survived by the skin of my teeth.”

“But you have survived Alex and that’s all that matters, you will have times when you’re bound to feel low and pissed off with life.”

“Yeah true I just have to learn not to take it out on you Fox, you’re the only person I have or want right now.”

“Good make sure you keep it that way.”

I felt so happy at the moment, I fell asleep in Fox’s arms feeling so loved and wanted.

XXXXXXXXXX

Soon I had Alex fast asleep in my arms, it was then that I heard the light knocking on the door.

“Yeah come in.”

The door opened and then a nurse appeared, she walked over to the bed.

“I just heard some noise and wanted to check that everything was okay.”

“Yeah fine thanks, he’s fast asleep now anyway.”

“It will do him some good, how about you are you managing to hold up okay?”

“I’m doing fine, he’s hard work but he’s worth it.”

“I’m glad that you’re here for him as I’m sure he is too, you rest now and then we can have a talk later on.”

I lay there holding Alex and thinking how lucky I am, I just hoped that he’d be able to cope without me here for him. I knew that the time had come for to return to work, I guess that I was lucky to still even have a job after all this. 

I soon fell asleep after setting my alarm, great soon time once again to re-join the rat race. I woke sometime later to Alex’s moaning, it was then I realized that he was still asleep.

“Hey Alex come on wake up, Alex it’s me wake up babe.”

“Fox.”

“Yeah I’m here, you were dreaming babe that’s all.”

“What time is it Fox?”

“It’s early Alex as it’s only six, you can go back to sleep for a bit if you want?”  
“Can I just stay awake for a bit with you Fox?”

“Of course you can Alex if that’s what you want.”

He just lay against me and life really good at the moment, it was times like this I could just forget everything else. Forget that Alex had disabilities for now, it was just so wrong for anyone at all to have to suffer like that. After work I’d call by and see the nurse and have a talk with her, I wanted to find out just when Alex would be able to go home and leave here.

I would also have to think about a few other things too, would I need to make any alterations to my apartment. Then I’d have to think about other things like whether Alex would cope alone, or maybe I could just hire some help for him while I was at work.

“Fox you’re thinking about things again.”

“Just about how much you mean to me Alex.”

“You will be tired out later on at work Fox.”

“I’ll be fine, don’t go worrying yourself about me Alex.”

“Fox you’re meant to be my partner, so of course I’m going to worry about you.”

“Try and get some sleep now Alex, it’s time I was getting up now and ready for work.”

I kissed Alex and got out of the warm bed, I then grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. I knew that I’d have to call home later for some more clothes, at least I had one suit here for now.

Finally, I was washed dressed and ready but I’d have to grab a coffee when I got to work, I left Alex fast asleep in the warm bed. I looked down at him sleeping peacefully, I then gently kissed him on the lips and left.

Once at work I grabbed my coffee and went into the basement, I’d drink my coffee in peace before having to go pay Skinner a visit. I would need his permission to return to work officially, I’d also need my gun and badge back before I could work. First I’d have to go see what sort of mood he was in, see if it had improved since I’d last spoke to him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke sometime later to find myself alone, I’d woke with this deep down sick feeling about everything. I suppose it was only natural after the last time he left here, also I had a feeling Skinner would try and get him to leave me.

Shit then I’d have to also take into account Scully too, she would most certainly want to get him to dump me. I really needed to stop thinking the worst all the time, it was just hard when nothing ever went right for me.

I used the walking frame to reach my chair, one I was sat down I pressed my buzzer for help. Soon a nurse entered the room, she came over to see what it was I wanted.

“How are you doing this morning Alex?”

“I’m good thanks.”

“So what do you want to do today, have you had any thoughts at all?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the help everyone has given me. Today I’d like to be able to see how much I can do for myself, that’s if it’s okay to do that.”

“That’s totally understandable and it’s good that you want to try.”

“I just wasn’t too sure about food; is there anywhere I can get some or will it still be brought to me?”

“I think for today we’ll bring something, then we can work up to you getting your own.

“Yeah okay, I just need to be able to do things on my own. Even if I move in with Fox he will be at work, I’ll need to be able to do all the basic on my own.”

“Right I’ll pop in with some food in a short while, I’ll let you get washed and cleaned up first. Alex if you do need any help though make sure you ask won’t you, don’t try pushing yourself too hard to start with.”

“Yeah okay I’ll call if I need any help then I promise.”

With that I was all alone, however between the chair and the frame I managed to get around. I even managed to use the bathroom by myself, at least I wouldn’t have to use a portable toilet. All in all, everything went really well, they brought me some food that I could eat by myself along with my pills. 

It was some time later that the boredom set in. I never liked to be bored as it made my mind work overtime, I’d start having doubts about everything all over again.

I thought that Fox might have phoned, but nothing so I guess he must be busy at work. I wondered how he’d got on with Skinner after the carry on last time, I knew I’d overreacted but he’d just pissed me off.

At one point I’d even considered phoning Fox as I had his mobile number, yet I was scared that it would make me look pathetic and rather clingy. I decided that I’d read a book to pass the time, however that wasn’t one of my brightest ideas either.

I was having trouble remembering what I’d read, it was like it went in and straight back out. Why the hell couldn’t my brain just register the words, life would be shit if I couldn’t even remember basic things? I decided that I’d try and watch some T.V, yet no matter what my heart just wasn’t in it. The more time that passed, the more depressed I became.

XXXXXXXXXX


	14. Chapter 14

Well I suppose that time had come to pay Skinner a visit, I took the lift to the fourth floor and then went to Skinners office. I can’t say that I was looking forward to this, he had made his feelings well and truly known when it came to Alex.

“Good morning Sir, I take it I’m to report to you before anything else.”

“I had wondered if you’d bother showing back up Agent Mulder, you seem to have found other things to consume your time nowadays.”

“Why wouldn’t I show up? I’m still an F.B.I Agent unless you’ve changed that Sir.”

“Yes you’re still an Agent, I’m well aware that last time I saw you it got totally out of hand.”

“Yeah well I’ve seen and learnt a lot in the last few months, things you wouldn’t even understand Sir unless it had happened to you.”

“You can say that again, how long has your relationship been going on Agent Mulder?”

“Why what does that matter, I don’t see what concern that is of yours?”

“Well I believe it’s only been what, a few months if that Agent Mulder?”

“So and what’s your point Sir?”

“Have you even had a relationship with Krycek in normal surroundings, or has it all revolved around the inside of that hospital?”

“You know it was since he went into the hospital Sir.”

“So what makes you think it will work, you have help at the moment Agent Mulder? It won’t always be like that especially when he leaves there.”

“I’m well aware of that fact Sir, however I’ll learn to cope when the time comes.”

“I believe you’re doing it out of guilt and nothing more.”

“I love him Sir, I didn’t go out there and choose for it to happen.”

“Sometimes the love and quilt can become mixed together. Have you thought about stepping away for a few weeks, then go back and see if it all still feels the same after you’ve had your freedom and life back?”

“I can’t just abandon him Sir, shit that would totally destroy him.”

“That sounds more like guilt Agent Mulder, you’re staying because you will feel guilty if you leave him.”

“Sir Can I just have my badge and gun back?”

“Very well Agent Mulder, Agent Scully will get you up to speed on the case you’ll be working on.”

With that I excused myself and returned to the basement, I then just started slamming drawers open and shut. I was just so pissed off at Skinner, he truly believed that he knew everything. At least I still had the office to myself for now, I really should read up on the case notes and do some work.

I was totally engrossed in a file when Scully finally appeared, she was then stood in the doorway laughing with the mail boy. Great I’d just sit here and wait for her to finish, I guess it was now time for round two.

“How are you Scully?”

“I’m fine Mulder, how about you are you still with Krycek?”

“God you’re as bad as Skinner, neither of you waste any time do you Scully?”

“All I want is just for you to be happy Mulder.”

“Well believe it or not as I don’t care, I am very happy with my life and with Alex.”

“What about Krycek has he fully recovered yet?”

“No and I don’t think he will ever fully recover; it had affected a large part of his brain.”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll ever like him Mulder, but you’re my friend so I will let you decide your own future.”

I wasn’t stupid, Scully was the same as Skinner and expected the relationship to fail.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d done practically everything that I could think of, yet I was totally fucking bored now and it was making the depression become far worse. I was taking the meds but not a lot was happening, I knew that I was expecting way too much too soon.

I was starting to feel like I really needed to get the hell out of here, I guess it was just the equivalent of cabin fever really. Maybe I should ask the staff if I could go out, hell even one fuckin day away would be good. It was after nine when Fox finally showed back up, by which time I had become really pissed off.

“Fox where have you been?”

“Alex you know where I’ve been, look I’m sorry that I’m late back but it’s just been long day.”

“Yeah tell me about it, I’m the one stuck here all day by myself.”

“Alex what is it that you expect me to do?”

“At least to turn up before this time of night would be a start.”

“Alex I’m a Federal Agent, sometimes I may end up working late.”

“Yeah well I think I’ve fuckin noticed that don’t you?”“Alex I can stay at my apartment on work nights, especially if it’s going to bother you this much if I’m late.”

“Yeah maybe you should Fox, hell maybe you should just spend every night there.”

“Alex why are you doing this?”

“Doing what Fox, all I’m doing is stating the truth.”

“No you’re looking for an argument, but you’re too late Alex as I’ve already had a shit day today. Everything was so good between us last night, maybe everyone else was right and I’m the one who’s wrong.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean Fox?” 

  
“That this, what we have together will never work. I don’t know if I can

cope with all this shit. I have everyone telling me I’m doing it all out of guilt, yet I argued and told them I was doing it out of love.”

“Great maybe you don’t want it to work Fox, sounds like you’ve been discussing it a lot with Scully and Skinner.”

“Yeah yet I argued with them that they were wrong Alex, then I come back here to this.”

“So maybe they’re right Fox, go on why don’t you just leave and go home.”

What the fuck was I doing, did I really want him to just leave me and go home. Had I spent all day waiting and then I just send him home, did I want to permanently just be alone. Yet I seemed totally unable to stop my mouth, I just had to keep going and trying to push him away from me.

“Is that what you want Alex, just say it to my face and I’ll leave right now.”

“Me ha, what about you Fox as it sounds like you want to go, like you don’t want to be with me.”

“Alex for fucks sake I’m here aren’t I. I came back here to be with you because I love you, don’t you dare turn this around and blame me.”

“I’m pathetic Fox and you know it, I’ll never be a real man again.”

“Is that what you really think Alex?”

“I don’t know anything anymore Fox.”

“Alex you were a real man last night, you made me feel like I was actually wanted by someone for once.”

“It was sex Fox.”

“If that’s all it was I’m leaving right now Alex.”

I couldn’t take any more of this and the reality of what I was doing hit me hard, I collapsed to the floor sobbing as Fox hit the panic button.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Hey come on Alex I’m here for you, I’ve got you babe.”

“Fox please don’t leave me.”

“Hey I’m not going anywhere Alex, I’m here for you I promise.”

“Why Fox when all I do is push you away?”

“Because I love you so much Alex, I had actually thought that you loved me too.”

“I do Fox.”

“Are you really sure that you do Alex, that it’s not just the brain injury making you think that?”

“Fox I’ve loved you for years, long before any of this ever happened.”

“So why is it so hard for you to let me in Alex?”

“I’m just so scared Fox, scared that I’ll be without you and that my life’s over.”

“Alex I’m here for you, come on let’s just lay down for a bit and I’ll hold you.”

“I’d like that Fox and I really am so sorry.”

The nurse helped me get him ready for bed, she then asked me if she could have a word later on. I held Alex in my arms and stroked his hair, I had to accept that life was going to have some very rough patches.

 It was either accept that fact, or get the hell out now before he became more dependent on me. However I truly believed that I wasn’t with Alex just out of guilt, my emotions were far too strong for that.

“I’m scared too Alex.”

“What could you possibly be scared of Fox?”

“I’ve fallen in love with a gorgeous intelligent man, I worship you so much and want us to be happy Alex. Yet I’m scared to death it’s not enough, what if one day you really want me to go and leave you.”

“God I’m sorry Fox, I just find it so hard to control my emotions lately. I’ve wanted you for so many years and then I fell in love with you, shit even when you hurt me I still wanted you. Yeah I’m sick and I already know that, but then I had to go and do something so fuckin stupid.”

“You can’t beat yourself up over the past Alex, we both are going to have to move forward now. We will do everything we can to get you as healthy as possible, plus the meds will start kicking in real soon too.”

“God I hope so Fox.”

I held Alex in my arms until he fell asleep, I then quietly slipped out of the bed. It was time to go and find the nurse then I’d just slip back in to bed afterwards, there was some stuff I wanted to know. I found the nurse and had a long talk with her, soon I’d found out a lot of the things I wanted to know.

I finally went back to the room and slipped back in to the bed. Alex stirred a bit but only to move closer to me, I held him in my arms and knew tomorrow was going to be a long day.

 I couldn’t get to sleep; I just lay there thinking about all the things going around in my head. So it appeared that Alex had managed to do most things himself today, they expected him to be ready to leave here within a week or so.

The nurse believed his behaviour was because he was scared, it was the only real home he’d known since he’d come out of the coma. There had also always been someone around if he was to need help, he was now to be faced with a very hostile world where people wouldn’t understand.

They believed that he’d be better off moving in to one of their warden controlled apartments, yet I believed it was up to Alex to make a decision like that. I would need to concentrate on my apartment and make it safe for him, also I would need to sort out some sort of work schedule.

 I would need to start getting home a bit earlier for the foreseeable future, I finally fell asleep thinking of all the things I still had to do.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up the next morning to find Fox fast asleep, I tried to see the clock but couldn’t manage it because of Fox.

“Hey Fox wake up, I can’t see the clock and I want to know what time it is?”

“It’s only six Alex so I have another hour yet.”

“Good I didn’t want you to go just yet.”

My hand found its way in to his underwear, I then found his rather large morning erection. It didn’t take me long to work up a rhythm and make him rock hard, god and all his moaning was really turning me on.

“Come for me Fox.”

I used some of the pre cum and spread it over his tight ass, he nearly jumped off the bed as I slid my finger deep inside him. It didn’t take me long at all to find his prostate, or for him to come all over my hand as I pressed against it.

“Jesus Alex why is it only you that can do that to me, no one has ever had this kind of effect on me ever babe.”

I never spoke as Fox moved down the bed, within a matter of seconds he’d engulfed my entire cock. Oh shit it felt so good, he then sucked and licked me until I became rock hard. He then inserted the tip of his tongue into the slit of my cock and it was then that I needed to come, yet suddenly Fox was pulling his mouth away, he then moved that very talented tongue to my other hole.

Fuck I was totally out of it and would have to come soon, it was then that his hand found my cock. Between his tongue and hand I came within a matter of minutes, now I felt far more exhausted than I had before.

“Now you can go back to sleep Alex, I need to get up and get ready for work babe.”

“Yeah you’ve wiped me out Fox.”

“Go to sleep then and I’ll see you later on.”

“Okay just kiss me first Fox.”

Fox wrapped me in his arms as he kissed me, as he held me close I felt totally at peace with life and everything else.

“I love you so much Alex.”

“Yeah but I still have no idea why you do, just as long as you know it works two ways Fox.”

“I Know Alex, believe me I know that you do love me.”

“You will just have to learn to put me in my place Fox.”

“Yeah maybe however I won’t hurt you anymore Alex.”

“Okay if the collar and leash is a definite no, well you’ll have to just put me over your knee if I misbehave.”

“Hey don’t temp me babe.”

“I just want things to be normal Fox that’s all.”

“I’m sure they will be reasonably normal, hell but what’s normal anyway Alex?”

“Yeah very true Spooky.”

“Behave yourself and get some sleep’”

“Yeah okay, well for now anyway.”

I finally fell back asleep just to wake up alone once more, yet I seemed to feel far happier today about things. I presumed the pills were finally starting to have some sort of effect, that or it was the morning sex.

I was just happy that there was at least some sort of improvement, I was starting to take steps without the fame and could now get out of bed. I’d already been told that my left leg might permanently have a limp, also the left side of my body was slower at responding in general.

XXXXXXXXXX

Last night it had been good to see the old Alex once more, god the man really knew how to get me turned on. I knew that I wanted him in far more ways than the obvious, the man was very witty and extremely smart when he put his mind to it.

I felt a lot happier this morning despite the fact there would be many more changes to come, I got on at work and just put up with everything, I decided that if I ignored them all they’d soon realize that I didn’t give a shit what they thought. 

I had a few things that I wanted to get done later today, preferably before I went back to be with Alex. Skinner was still trying his hardest to get me to forget about Alex, no one would believe me when I said that Alex had changed. Everyone said at the end of the day, Alex Krycek was still a murderer who’d killed my Father.

Why couldn’t anyone understand that it was me or my Father, with the consortium there was never any evidence to arrest someone? He may have been my Father however I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for Alex. God I would need to get my head out of the clouds, there was work to be done here so that I could leave here early.

I’d heard through the grapevine that Skinner had plans, apparently he was planning to discredit me as an F.B. Agent. He was planning to go higher up if I shacked up with a known felon, well first he was going to have to prove all that Alex was meant to have done.

I had no intention whatsoever of going down without a fight, I would find a way to expose Skinner for his own dealings with the consortium if it came to that.

I really didn’t want to resort to black mail unless it was to protect Alex, I’d always believed that Skinner was a friend but maybe time would show that I was wrong. It was nearly time to leave when Skinner called me, apparently he wanted to see me in his office straight away.

“Sir you wanted to see me.”

“Yes Agent Mulder I did, I have a case that your advice and input is required on.”

“What case would that be Sir?”

“I want you to do some surveillance, it will require you working late though Agent Mulder.”

“Oh and I bet that wasn’t on purpose was it Sir.”

“Agent Mulder you can always hand your badge in, that’s if you think it’s going to be a problem for you to work late.”

“Why, how could it possibly be a problem Sir? I will have to go home and change first anyway, that’s if I’m even allowed to do that.”  
“You have two hours Agent Mulder.”

“Yes Sir.”

I left his office and returned to the basement, all I did was grab my jacket and car keys. When I’d entered Scully had been on the phone, I had to admit that she really didn’t look to happy either.

“Mulder where are you going?”

“Home to change, Skinner apparently wants me back in two hours for surveillance work.”

“Great I bet that’s why he wants to see me then.”

“Looks like I’ll be seeing you in a couple of hours then Scully.”

“Yeah great, see you soon Mulder.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I had a feeling today was going to be a good day, I felt good in myself and was having an assessment today. They would have a chat and see what I can do for myself, or where I would benefit from some help. I knew it would soon be time for me to discuss leaving here, which was something that I had very mixed feelings about.

I was flicking through a magazine when Fox entered, shit it had to be love as I was just so happy every time I saw him. Fox knelt over beside my chair and kissed me on the cheek, however when he pulled away I knew that something was wrong. Fox always had this worried expression when he was upset, or when he was worried about something.

“Okay so what’s the matter now Fox?”

“I have to go back to work,”

“Please tell me that you’re joking.”

“Alex please hear me out, if you want to still yell at me afterwards you can.”

“Fine but it had better be good Fox.”

“I have to go do some surveillance tonight, it means that I’ll be back about four in the morning.”

“I bet that was Skinners idea.”

“Yeah you could say that.”

“Great fine just go then Fox if you have to.”

“Alex when I get back I’ll need to grab a couple of hours’ sleep, then I’ll need to go home as I have a few things to do.”

“So I get to be on my own yet again.”

“No Alex you don’t.”

“Yeah right.”

“I mean it Alex; I’m going to be taking you with me.”

“You really mean it?”

“Yeah it’s only for a few hours and I bet you’ll just get bored anyway, I just thought it would be a change of scenery for you that’s all.”

“So what is it you have to go do there?”

“Some cleaning up Alex, I need to make it all clean and tidy for you so you can leave here.”

“Hey I’m flattered Fox; this will be something that you don’t see every day as you hardly ever do any cleaning.”

“Hey don’t push your luck Alex or I might just leave you here after all.”

“No really I’m looking forward to it Fox, so do I get a kiss before you go back to work?”

“Of course you do babe.”

Fox kissed me passionately, I had to push him away in the end or I wouldn’t be letting him go. He got up and went to leave but he then turned back to me.

“Oh I almost forgot, there’s a bag over there on the table for you.”

“What is it Fox?”

“Communication babe.”

“What?”

“It’s a mobile phone Alex with my number already programmed in to it, I’ve got the number for that phone and I’ll call you later.”

With that Fox was gone, I sat there and just stared at the phone in my hand. Fox had gone out and got it especially for me, he’d made it possible for me to contact him should the need arise.

He was even planning to take me out of here for a few hours, even if it was only to go and watch him do some cleaning. Maybe I could be really good for him, then I could try talking him in to doing it naked.

XXXXXXXXXX

I arrived back at work to find Scully there waiting for me, she was looking extremely pissed off with this assignment nearly as much as I was.

“Shall we go and get a car Mulder, that way we can just go and get this over with.”

“Yeah that sounds like a good plan.”

We parked across from the apartment and at the moment it was quiet, apparently we were supposed to just watch for anyone coming or going as it was frequented on a regular basis.

We sat there for over two hours just making small talk, then Scully decided to go grab a couple of coffees as she wanted some caffeine. At least we were parked right near a takeaway, while she was gone I decided to give Alex a quick call.

“Hey I’d not expected you to answer Alex, I thought that you might have gone to bed by now.”

“I am in bed Fox; I just didn’t seem to be able to fall asleep though.”

“It’s just a quick call anyway as Scully went to get some coffee, I can’t wait to be back there with you babe.”

“Yeah me too, I suppose I should really try and get some sleep as it might be easier now.”

“Why’s that Alex?”

“Because I know you’re okay Fox, also that you’ll be back with me soon.”  
“Okay Alex, I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you Fox.”

It was then that Scully returned with the coffee, I noticed her look up as she heard me say goodbye.

“I love you too babe, goodnight Alex.”

“Mulder I really am glad that you’re happy, I just hope that Krycek doesn’t end up hurting you.”

“I’m a big boy, but thanks anyway Scully for your concern.”

“Anytime Mulder, despite what you think I still see you as a friend.”

“Likewise Scully, believe me friends are something I don’t have too many of at the moment.”

“Mulder while I was in there I spoke to the waitress as she seemed really friendly, I told her that I was looking in to buying somewhere around here.”

“Did she give you any good advice then Scully?”

“She said that three of these apartments are for sale and empty, I was going to get my laptop out and check which three.”

“Yeah good idea Scully, we might be able to move in even closer.”

“Yeah hang on then while I check the estate agents.”

“Yeah okay Scully, I’ll let you know if I see anyone about.”

I sat back feeling exhausted, shit I’d already been at work for the best part of the day already. I sipped at my coffee as it cooled down hoping that it would keep me awake. However a few minutes later Scully got my attention, let’s just say that I was anything but happy.

“Mulder numbers ten, thirty-eight and forty are all for sale and empty.”

“No wonder number forty’s in darkness then but I’ll have to go check it out, believe me I’ll be pissed if Skinner has us out here just to get at me.”

“You don’t think he’d go that low do you Mulder?”

“My honest opinion at the moment, yeah Scully I think he would go that low to get at me.”

“Come on then Mulder let’s go and check it out.”

We went up to stairs with caution, just in case someone was really hiding out in there. It turned out to be totally empty, according to the estate agents they’d never seen anyone come or go.

It had been a total set up from the word go, Skinner could try pissing me off all he wanted but I wasn’t having him drag Scully in to it.

XXXXXXXXXX


	15. Chapter 15

I woke in the early hours of the morning, according to the clock it was already seven and the sun was coming up. There in the bed fast asleep was Fox, he must have been really quiet when he’d come back.

I lay there just watching him sleep, he was so perfect and gorgeous oh and let’s not forget he was mine. I couldn’t help myself as I ran my thumb over his plump lips, I still found it hard to believe that he really wanted me.

Shit that wasn’t the only thing that was hard either, the more I looked at Fox the harder my cock became. How badly I wanted to make love to him, show him how it truly felt to have someone take you so totally.

All I’d managed before was to just lay there. Fox had been the one that had to get on top and do all the work. I wanted to be able to support my own weight, so that I could plunge in and out of his tight ass.

Great now all I was doing was making myself rock hard, I’d be okay if I just remembered it was my left side with the problems. I figured that I could kneel up as long as I had Fox in the right position, I decided that I’d be good and let him have another hour’s sleep. 

I remembered Fox might not have got in that long ago, also he had a really busy day ahead cleaning. Once the clock turned eight I decided it was now time as I’d sat here long enough, I was already hard and leaking as I grabbed a couple of things I’d need.

It was now time to start working on Fox, I started by playing with his nipples and tugging them into little buds. Even as he slept his moaning was such a turn on. All I wanted was to make it feel real good for him, I gently ran my fingers along his very muscled and well-toned body.

Shit I knew that I myself would have to start some sort of exercise soon, I would need to build my own muscles back up however it could wait until later.

I continued with my exploration of his body, soon my fingers were brushing through his soft pubic hair closer to what I searched for. There nestled between the hairs was his semi erect cock, yet it soon became full awake when I stroked it and played with it.

I worked myself down the bed and positioned myself between his thighs, I then in one swift move took him in my mouth.

“Oh shit, Jesus Christ Alex that feels so good.”

I sucked his cock a couple more times, mainly all I was doing was trying to tease him somewhat. I then licked his balls and knelt up in front of him.

“Fox I want to make love to you.”

“Alex are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Yeah I’ll just need you to hold your legs up Fox that’s all.”

I then grabbed the tube of lube and smeared some on his ass, that done I made sure I had plenty on my fingers too.

“Just try and relax for me Fox, I promise that I’ll make it good for you lover.”

I inserted a finger slowly in to his tight ass wiggling it around before adding another one, He was moaning and at this rate I’d be coming before I even entered him. Soon I’d managed to get three fingers inside him, I then stretched him before pulling all of them out.

“Alex please.”

“It’s okay Fox, just make sure you keep your legs up for me.”

I placed the tip of my cock against his tight ass, one in position I started to push inside him. God it felt like my cock was inside a vice and I had to go slow, that or I’d come straight away. Yet the look on his face told me all that I wanted to know, Fox was well and truly ready to come.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well after the night I’d had this was an amazing way to wake up, Alex was a very tentative lover despite how his illness could hinder him. I had to wonder what he’d been like in the past; I guess I’d never know now as I’d never even given the man a chance.

  
“You’re going to make me come babe.”

Alex gave me the most gorgeous smile possible as he worked up a faster pace, I had no choice but to come as my orgasm hit my body was on a high.

“Jesus Alex.”

“Hey are you okay Fox?”

“God yeah, come here and just let me hold you Alex.”

“You don’t have to ask twice Fox.”

“You’re the best thing to happen to me Alex, you by far make up for all the shit I’ve had to go through in life.”

“I guess that makes us both lucky then Fox, believe me my life wouldn’t be worth living without you.”

“Do you still want to go out today Alex?”

“You don’t think I’d miss a day watching you clean do you?”

“Hey I’m sure I’ll be able to find something that you can do.”

“I’m the invalid Fox, I guess I’ll just have to give the orders then won’t I.”

“You can try babe.”

“Hey I only have reasonable expectations from you Fox.”

“What joy I can’t wait; shall we get moving then so I can get this over with?”

“Yeah come on then we might as well.”

We got up and I helped Alex get dressed, it didn’t take too long before we were both ready to leave here. They let me borrow a wheelchair for Alex, he’d tried using just the frame but I’d insisted that he’d become far too tired.

We made it to my apartment in really good time, I just wanted it to be a good day as I’d be having words with Skinner come tomorrow.

“Alex you might want to stay in the chair, at least until I’ve cleaned some of the shit up anyway. I’ll put the T.V on for you Alex if you want, at least that way you might not get too bored while here.”

Well at least I might actually get some work done now, I went into the kitchen to sort out all the cleaning supplies that I’d need. I would make a start on the bedroom for now, also every room that I cleaned I’d need to see if any specialist stuff was needed for Alex.

Soon I had all the things that I would need for the task ahead of me, I thought I’d go and see if Alex had any suggestions that might be helpful. 

“Hey Alex do you have any… shit what the fuck are you doing?”

“You’re a big boy Fox so I’m sure that I don’t need to tell you.”

“Fine well knock it off then, shit you’re behaving like some sex starved pervert.”

“Fox you put the video on for me to watch so don’t blame me.”

“Shit wrong video, cover yourself up and behave Alex.”

I went over and ejected the video, I then went to fasten Alex’s pants back up.

“Fox, shit you can’t fasten them over that.”

Great he had a point, he was far too hard to get his trousers over without even fastening them up. I think I totally surprised him as I leant forward taking him in my mouth, I only stopped to say a few words.

“Come for me Alex.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Well how can I refuse when you ask like that, god you’ve got one hell of a talented mouth Fox?”

The man really was talented and I wasn’t just saying that, despite coming earlier today I was about to come again.

“Jesus Fox you’re unbelievable.”

Within seconds I was coming, Fox never even let go of me until I was totally spent. He then just licked me clean and sat there watching me.

“Come on Alex as I’ve got work to do, do you think there’s any chance that you can behave yourself now?”

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise you anything though Fox.”

Fox stood up and slapped me lightly on the leg.

“I’m going to get some old clothes on, then I’m planning to go make a start on the bedroom. You Alex need to think of things that might help you, anything that could possibly make your life easier.”

“Fox how could I want or need anything else when I have you?”

“Very funny Alex.”

I watched as Fox went in to the bedroom, he never said anything but I knew that he was rock hard. I decided I’d go over and check his fish out, fuck knows when they were probably last fed.

“Fox have you got any fish food at all.”

“Yeah desk draw.”

I took my time feeding them all so Fox had some time to sort himself out, I then decided that it was time I went and took care of him. When I entered the bedroom he was sat there on the bed, he was naked and about to put some shorts on.

“Fox leave them off.”

“What!”

“Leave the shorts off as you don’t need them Fox.”

“So what do you suggest I wear then Alex?”

“I was thinking that nothing might be a good look on you.”

“Alex I have to get on and clean this room up.”

“Hey I promise that I won’t stop you Fox.”

I watched as Fox threw the shorts down on to the bed.

“I’m beginning to think you’re a perverted sex monster Alex.”

“You love me just the way I am and you know it.”

“Yeah and that’s the only reason I’m agreeing to do this now.”

“Come on then and get on with it.”

I sat and watched his gorgeous naked body, he was an amazing sight even just to watch. I would need to come again at this rate, however before the end of the day I knew I owed Fox one first.

He was quiet fast as he stripped and re made the bed, well that was after he managed to find it. Soon he had the bedroom looking really clean for a change.

“Fox you will be sleeping in here with me won’t you?”

“Of course I will, hell you don’t think I’d sleep on the couch knowing you were in here.”

“I just wanted to make sure that’s all, they might be letting me leave in about a week Fox.”

“I know that you’re scared, but hey we’ll work together and take care of you.”

I loved Fox more as each day passed.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that he was scared of not having a medical team, but I would help him every way possible. However at the moment I couldn’t believe that I was doing this, stripped naked and cleaning my apartment up. God I really must be in love, especially to let him have his own way like this.

“Right Alex that’s one room down and three to go, have you thought if there’s anything you need for this room.”

“You, oh and maybe a large supply of lube and condoms.”

“Alex I’m being serious here.”

“Hey so am I Fox, really apart from that and my clothes I can’t think of anything else.”

“As long as you’re really sure then.”

“Yes Fox I’m sure so stop worrying, I’ll have a walking stick should I need to use it. I’ll also need to start and exercise program soon, I need to try and learn to get better at my balance.”

“It’s bound to take some time though Alex.”

“I know but I need to compensate for my left side, at the moment it’s still pretty useless.”

“Come on Alex I think we need a coffee break.”

Alex managed to sit at the table while I made the coffee, I believed that in time his biggest problem would be boredom. I was going to have to discuss that with him at some other time, maybe have a look in to some things that he could do.

“Fox your miles away are you okay?”

“Yeah I was just thinking about life that’s all.”

“As long as you don’t have any doubts regarding us.”

“Hey of course not Alex, I love you and you’re my life now and all I want. I was actually wondering if you were going to be able to cope with putting up with me.”

“You worry far too much about things, come over here Fox.”

I went over and stood beside his chair, he then grabbed hold of my cock which suddenly came to life.

“Just relax Fox and I’ll make it good for you Lover.”

“You always do Alex.”

As I stood beside his chair he took me in his mouth, I was beginning to think I’d come far more with him than anyone else. He just made me feel so important and special, he could always make me hard instantly too. As he licked and sucked my cock I became even harder, I had to put my hands on his shoulders just to support myself. I felt so weak and would need to come, yet I was worried that I put too much weight on him.

“Fox just let it go, I’ve got you and you’re safe Lover.”

  
I couldn’t hold back any longer no matter what, I came within minutes as he greedily swallowed it all.

“God Alex I’m so shattered now; I think I’m going to need more than a coffee now.”

“Why don’t we call it a day Fox, I’m sure we can come back another day to do the rest.”

“Tell you what I’ll do, I’ll go and clean the bathroom then I’ll call it a day. At least half of the place will be done then, I can’t have anything lying around that could cause you to trip.”

“Fine I’ll go and make the coffee, you can go start on the bathroom Fox.”

“Yeah okay if you’re sure.”

“Fox I’m sure it’s the least I can do, it’s only a coffee so I’ll be fine.”

“Fine I’ll go and get on then.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I turned the kettle on and made two really strong coffees, I then decided to go and watch the television as Fox would get on better without me in the way.

Fox was right though and it was hard getting around all the junk in this apartment. I already felt like I lived with Fox as he was at the hospital every morning and night, yet I knew that this was going to be far more official. It was going to be just the two of us together, there wouldn’t be any outside interference or help.

Yes part of me was scared, shit what if it turned out that I was unable to cope. After Fox asked if I could spend the day with him, my health evaluation had been postponed to the next day. Perhaps I would feel better in myself once I got the results back from that.

I started to feel really depressed again, it seemed to happen a lot when I thought about things too much. Shit before I knew it I was crying yet again; fuck I really didn’t want to spoil today at all.

“Alex, hey what’s wrong? Talk to me babe.”

“Just me been stupid that’s all.”

“Alex I’m here to listen to you and I want to help.”

“I’m fine unless I try making my brain do too much.”

“Hey don’t be so hard on yourself, you’ve done well and it’s been a long day Alex.”

“Yeah true, I guess I’m starting to become tired now too.”

“I’ve finished the bathroom anyway, I’ll just get washed up and we can head back.”

“Yeah okay Fox, all I want is a long hot bath and a good night’s sleep.”

“Yeah you also need to feel good about yourself and be ready for that test.”

  
“I will be ready so don’t worry, come on then Fox get that cute ass moving.”

“I’m on it so don’t panic.”

I guess everything had finally caught up with me, I was drifting off to sleep when Fox re-entered the room.

“Right come on then, I’m ready when you are Alex.”

“Yeah I’m ready.”

Fox helped me in to the chair and then in to the car, we were soon back at the hospital and Fox went to run me a bath.

“Right Alex you can have a bath, I’ll go and get us something to eat.”

“Yeah okay.”

I felt really disorientated, this had been my home for months yet it felt strange now. I guess that I’d had a pretty normal day today, now I was back here and reminded of all I’d suffered along with all my flaws.

I tried to just concentrate on the nice warm bath, just to try and remember everyday would be like this soon enough. True to his word Fox had got some soup, I didn’t fancy anything too heavy as it was late now.

I used the cane to get over to the bed, I then had to sit on the edge and struggle into my underwear. I’d already told Fox that I’d need to do more things for myself too. Finally, we ate and made it in to bed, I knew that we both had to be up really early in the morning.

“Fox why did you have to go and see Skinner, what was so important.”

“Nothing Alex, I don’t want you worrying about anything tonight.”

“Hey I don’t want us to have any secrets Fox.”

“It was just a pathetic assignment that’s all, come on we need to get some sleep now.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex would worry if he thought Skinner had it in for me, I wasn’t worried and would deal with Skinner by myself and in my own time. When morning came I was awake really early and could hear Alex gently snoring, I just wanted him to stay asleep as he had a busy day too.

I showered and dressed before kissing him goodbye, I left a small note on the pillow next to his head. Later I arrived at work to find Scully waiting, I guess that she was as pissed off as me by all of this. We were soon on our way to the fourth floor together, it was time to now have that talk with Skinner.

“What can I do for you Agents?”

“We came to see if you had anything for us, maybe another jerk off assignment Sir.”

“I’m sorry what was that?”

“You heard me Skinner, you sent us out there to watch a fuckin empty apartment and you knew it.”

“I’m your superior Agent Mulder, while in my office you’d do well to remember that.”

“You Sir would do well to remember who you work for, just stay the hell out of my personal life for once can you.”

“This has nothing at all to do with your personal life Agent Mulder.”

“It has everything to do with Alex Krycek and you know it does.”

“Think what the hell you want Agent Mulder.”

“I’m going back to my office; you can call me if you actually have a real assignment. Pull a fuckin stunt like that again and I’ll go higher, maybe I might just share a few of your secrets while I’m there Skinner.”

“I don’t have any secrets.”

“Oh you have plenty Sir, especially when it comes to that smoking son of a bitch.”

I turned around and walked out, I noticed that Scully wasn’t that far behind me either. However, it wasn’t long before I got a call from Skinner, he told me that I had some reports that would need to be filed. Apparently he had a new case for us both, we were to receive all the information in the morning.

Well it looked like I had no choice, my next few hours were to be spent just writing out reports. I was in a really pissed off mood and felt fed up, to top it off I also had one hell of a headache. I was a good boy and filled in all the reports as asked, after that I planned to call it a day though.

I’d phoned Alex a couple of times, yet I’d had to just leave a couple of messages. I presumed that he was still having his tests done, I’d just felt so fed up and had wanted to talk to him.

I got into my car and set off, yet half way there I changed my mind and turned the car around. I decided that I’d go to my apartment instead, I just sat there on the couch remembering the last time I was here with Alex.

I was angry and didn’t want to take it out on Alex, so I decided to work off the aggression before returning to the hospital. I grabbed some of the empty boxes and opened them, within a couple of hours my room looked fully clean once more. I felt a lot calmer now for doing it, also it was now another room that was ready and waiting for Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to find a small note on my pillow, Fox said that he loved me and wanted to wish me luck for today. I grabbed my cane and made my way to the bathroom, where I managed to get all washed and dressed by myself. My left leg could be a real pain at times, yet if I just sat down for a few minutes it helped.

I didn’t want to have to rely on a chair for the rest of my life, I could also make my own toast and even the coffee. I would place everything I would need on the table in front of me, that way I could sit on a normal chair and do it all.

Soon I had someone call and collect me, they had planned to give me a couple more scans on my brain first. I lay there thinking how lucky I’d been in some respect, there were a lot of people out there that suffered far worse than I had. Only one main thing still pissed me off, that was how I’d been so fuckin stupid to do what I had in the first place.

After lunch it was a few mental tests to see how fast my brain responded, they were just simple maths and logic tests that I managed to do. I thought that I’d done rather well at it, however I guess time would tell.

By late afternoon I was starting to feel really tired, they said that it was perfectly normal as my brain had been overworked. I decided that I’d go back to my room and rest for a bit, I checked my phone to find I had two messages in my voicemail. Fox had just called to ask me if I was okay, also how I thought my tests had gone today. I listened to the full message and decided to call him back, Fox picked up on the second ring.

“Hey Alex how’s it going?”

“Okay but I just wanted to see when you were coming back?”

“I’ll most probably be a couple of hours.”

“Yeah okay, I take it you’ve had to work late then.”

“No I’m not at work Babe, I’m back at the apartment at the moment.”

“Is it me Fox, have I done something wrong so you won’t come back?”

“No so don’t start worrying Alex, I was pissed off at work and came here until I calmed down.”

“So how come you’re not coming back yet?”

“I’ve just been cleaning up a bit more that’s all.”

“You seem to be getting good at all this cleaning Fox, soon you’ll have the whole place done.”

“When I’ve finished here I’ll only have the kitchen left, at least the room will all be done ready for you.”

“Yeah okay I’ll let you get on then.”

“Hey Alex you haven’t told me how your day was.”

“It went fine; I just have to wait now for all the results.”

“Okay I’ll see you soon, I love you Alex.”

“I love you too.”

I hung up and just sat there, well at least he was trying his hardest to get it all done for me. I was tired but didn’t want to sleep yet, I would rather wait for Fox to come back and join me. My phone suddenly brought me out of my daydream, apparently Fox had just sent me a text message.

“Don’t eat I’ll pick something up on the way back.”

Well I guess that all I could do was sit and wait, at least I knew that Fox wouldn’t be too long.

XXXXXXXXXX


	16. Chapter 16

I was quite pleased with all I’d done, by the time I arrived back most of my apartment was now clean. I’d even managed to call the Chinese and order a takeaway for us both. Bless him, Alex was sat up in his chair and was fast asleep. I went quietly and put the takeaway down, I then went over and kissed Alex gently on the lips.

“Hey Fox you’re back.”

“Yeah did you miss me; I’ve brought Chinese I hope that’s okay with you.”

“Firstly I’ve missed you loads, secondly I’m starving and Chinese sounds really good.”

We sat and ate our food in silence, it was a mutual one as we were both wiped out. All I wanted was to climb in bed and stay there, to just hold on to Alex and never let him go. Finally, once we’d finished eating I sent Alex to bed, I’d clean all the rubbish up and join him soon.

By the time I finally got in to bed I wanted to just collapse, I was surprised that Alex had managed to stay awake until now.

“Fox will you just hold me?”

“Of course I will Babe, are you really feeling okay Alex?”

“Yeah they had me do lots of tests that’s all, I guess it took a lot out of me. What about you Fox, what was it that that had you all pissed off today.”

“Skinner as usual, he just gave me and Scully the run around that’s all.”

“So is everything at work okay now Fox?”

“Yeah he just gave us both desk work for the rest of the day.”

“As long as you’re really okay Fox, you can tell me the truth you know.”

“I’m fine Alex so stop worrying.”

I held Alex to me and gently kissed him, I just lay there holding him like that for a while. More than anything I was hoping that he’d just fall asleep, he’d had a stressful day and I knew he was really worried about the results. Alex had already been told it would take a couple of days, they would finalize the report before sharing it with anyone.

Alex had come a long way and would need to believe in himself, he also had to realize I wasn’t planning on leaving him either.

“Fox you’re thinking again; I swear I can hear the cogs turning Lover.”

“Yeah and you’re supposed to be going to sleep Babe.”

“I’m trying, I’m really worried Fox that’s all that everything goes wrong.”

“I know that you are, I’m here for you Alex and we’ll get through this together.”

“I hope so Fox, I guess I’m also worried about having to leave here.”

“Hey my place isn’t that bad, well it’s not now anyway.”

“Yeah I know Fox, you’ve worked hard and I’m grateful believe me.”

“I know that you are Alex, just try not to get too worked up until you know the results.”

“Yeah I’ll try.”

“Come on get some sleep Babe, it will do you some good as you need it.”  
I held him in my arms until he fell asleep, I then fell asleep myself hoping everything would work out okay in the end.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke once more to find myself alone, shit I really would need to get a hobby or something soon. Not that I had a clue as to what the hell I’d do, I’d never needed to have a hobby in the past with the lifestyle I had.

Even as a kid my hobbies were just causing trouble, now I had Fox though all that would have to change. I guess that my gun arm would be a bit off now anyway, then I also started to wonder if I’d even drive a car again or have to rely on Fox all the time.

I knew that it wasn’t worth thinking about it at the moment, well not unless I wanted to make myself even more depressed. Fuck just who the hell was I trying to kid anyway, I knew that I’d crawled out of a very dark place. My biggest problem was making sure I never went back, as I’d not crawled far enough to be safe just yet.

Maybe I should practice walking or even my exercises, even though that wouldn’t fill up too much of my time. I would need to think of something long term, maybe I could just write a book or something like that. Yeah right, I could always call it The consequences of sexual asphyxiation.

Right that was it, I really needed to do something that was practical. I used the stick to get up in to a standing position, shit I hadn’t even taken a step when my leg gave way so I pulled myself up and started again. Before all of this I was a fighter and could take a lot, I never gave up then so I wouldn’t now either.

Without the cane or someone to hold on to it was hard going, I could just manage a few steps and that was about it. Even then I was dragging my left leg along, now though I was really tired from all the energy I’d had to use up.

So instead I now sit here and practice my hand grips, I found this far easier than trying to walk. After I’d done just a few more I gave up, all I wanted now was a long hot relaxing bath.

I went and turned the taps on and added some bubble bath, I then stripped off while I waited for it to run. I stood there naked and looked at my reflection in the mirror, shit I just looked so tired and frail. I had to wonder just what Fox really saw in me, I just didn’t understand as he was so intelligent and good looking.

 Hell even been gay Fox worked alongside some really good looking Agents, I bet anyone of them would be willing to go out with him.

Great I’d felt insecure about myself already, yet here I was jealous that Fox would go and find someone else. I turned away from the mirror, I’d had enough of looking at what I’d become. I relaxed in the hot bath and it felt really good, maybe I could always try making some food by myself as a surprise for Fox.

Once I was clean and the water got cold I got myself out, I then just dressed in a tee shirt and some sweatpants. I hadn’t been back in the room long when the nurse arrived, great she’d come once more to make sure I remembered to take my medication. It wasn’t my fault that sometimes I forgot, then there were the times when I didn’t want to take them or just become a pill popper.

Everyone kept telling me that I needed the meds, yet personally I was unsure as I didn’t think they made that much of a difference. I knew that I was just feeling really tired, maybe just a couple of hours sleep and I’d feel a lot better in myself. First however I’d make a few sandwiches, I’d got some really crusty bread out and some nice beef. At times I was glad that I was right handed, it just made using a knife far easier.

Soon I’d made all the food just as the phone rang, I recognized Fox’s mobile number straight away.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d arrived back at work to more reports, Skinner had wanted to discuss the case with us but he was now in a meeting with the Director. Not that I really cared, it was far easier to just sit at my desk and work for now.

Maybe I was just mellowing out a bit with age, well it was either that or I was truly in love. When I thought about it I realized that I loved Alex a lot, in the space of a few months my life had changed so much. God to think it all started because of Skinner suspending me that day, yet at the time all I’d wanted to do was hurt Alex.

I truly believed that I’d now do anything to protect him, I know a lot of people still believed I was doing it out of guilt. However, when I’d drugged and abused him something had changed, I’d had feelings towards him long before the accident.

To be honest I knew myself and how I thought, had I still hated Alex I’d have just left him and walked away.  Maybe I’d eventually take a couple more weeks off work, go somewhere together and leave all this behind.

I’d have to take a look in to it all, then maybe discuss it with Alex or just surprise him. I realized that for now I’d be better off just getting on with my work, otherwise I’d be having to take the reports home with me to finish.

“Hey Mulder.”

“Yeah what’s up Scully?”

“Skinners back in his office, apparently he wants to see us straight away.”

“Well he can wait ten minutes while I finish this.”

“Mulder try not to piss him off, otherwise he might just get fed up with you.”

“Ten minutes Scully.”

“Fine have it your way Mulder.”

I didn’t care as he’d made us wait, so I took my time and made sure I’d totally finished my report. I finally went to see Skinner as I was now ready to do so.

“Come in Agents, I had expected to see you in my office far sooner than this.”

“I had to finish a report Sir.”

“Next time just try and see me on time Agent Mulder.”

“No disrespect Sir, but you weren’t exactly punctual yourself were you. You also mean if I don’t get my reports handed in on time.”

“Well we can discuss it some other time, at present I need you both out on a case.”

“Fine, what is the case then Sir and where is it?”

“Oregon.”

“What again?”

“Yes apparently there has been some strange sightings for the past two nights, also a couple of the locals are also missing.”

“Do they think it’s related Sir?”

“Some people seem to believe that they’ve been abducted, that’s why I want the two of you to go and check it out.”

“Very well we’ll get on to it now then.”

“One other thing Agents, make sure you take an overnight bag with you.”

“Sir I can’t stay out there; I need to be back here tonight for Alex.”

“Agent Mulder it’s not your choice to make, you are needed out there overnight and that’s the end of it.”

“I bet you had this planned Sir, well I suppose I’m going to have to go and tell Alex.”

“Next time chose your lover carefully Agent Mulder.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Fox I thought you would have been back soon; great I take it that you’re having to work late yet again?”

“Yeah you could say that, I’ve got to go on a case in Oregon Babe.”

“So how late do you think you’ll be Fox, have you got any idea at all?”

“Alex god I’m so sorry but I’m not coming back tonight.”

“It’s not your fault Fox, hey I knew that you were an F.B.I Agent.”

“You seem to be taking all this really well Alex.”

“Fox it’s your job and I accept that so stop worrying.”

“I know but I just feel like I should be there with you.”

“Fox I’m a big boy so forget about it; I promise that I’ll be okay until you return.”

“I love you so much Alex.”

“Yeah I know and I love you too Fox.”

Fox said that he’d ring me when he was back in D.C. I’d tried to remain strong for him while I was on the phone, yet now I felt totally devastated and alone.

So now I’m just sat here all alone, with a lot of hours to get through before Fox would return. I started to wonder if secretly he didn’t want to return, hell why would he when I was just so useless and pathetic.

I was really starting to feel claustrophobic, I’d had enough of this place and really wanted to get the hell out of here. I guess I was also sick of having to rely on other people all the time, I was also sick of all the shitty drugs I was expected to take all the time.

I went and sat down on the bed and cried, I just couldn’t help the deep down fear I was feeling at the moment. I’d start to be extremely sick if I even thought about myself, what I’d become and how fucked up and alone I was.

The nurse came around to do the night checks, she’d also popped in because Fox had phoned the hospital. Apparently he wanted them to know that he wouldn’t be back, also that this was to be my first night alone.

Great did Fox think that I was that unstable, I then started to wonder why the hell I was still here? At the end of the day it was a clinic and I was here voluntarily, they couldn’t force me to stay here if I decided to just leave. Okay granted walking out might be a bit hard to do, I just hated that effectively I was just like a prisoner at the moment.

If I could get away the safety deposit box I owned, well at least then I’d be sorted for the rest of my life My first concern would be to pay Fox back for all this, he must have spent a fortune keeping me in this clinic. My safety deposit box had been empty for years, yet I’d received a letter from an unnamed benefactor.

The money had been transferred to pay the medical bills, also for my future if I was to recover. I had no idea who the benefactor was, but at this point in time I didn’t care either.

I knew that it would break my heart to leave Fox, but at least this way he’d be able to get over me and move on. Shit he’d spent months coming back to me every night, if I truly loved him I’d suffer the pain and let him go. The last thing that I’d wanted was to be alone, but I couldn’t live with myself if I destroyed his life too.

I could always wait until I got my test results and then leave, or maybe I was better of leaving before and not knowing. I decided that for now I’d do some exercises, maybe it would clear my head of this foggy feeling I had. I would also need to walk more than just a few steps, well at least I’d be able to get a taxi until I reached my chosen destination.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt like a complete bastard leaving Alex alone, yeah I knew that he was right and this was my job. Not that it made me feel any better about it at all, I think I was also starting to piss Scully off too with all my sulking and moaning.

Okay I was behaving like some spoilt child; it was getting to the point where I was constantly moaning about everything. I’d even phoned the clinic up as I felt that bad, yeah deep down I was really worried about how stable Alex actually was.

It didn’t help as I still had a feeling that Skinner was doing all of this on purpose, that he was still trying to split us up.  
We checked in with the local police station, they said that someone would take us to the site in the morning. They also told us about a great guest house that we could stay in, apparently they did great food and also had cable.

At one time I’d have been glad of it, however now I couldn’t get Alex out of my head. Suddenly I jumped up as my mobile rang, I gave a deep sigh as I noticed the name on the screen. What the hell did Skinner want with me now, what a great end to my day this would be?

“Sir, you wouldn’t happen to be checking up on me would you?”

“Despite what you think Agent Mulder I’m doing my job that’s all, I actually see you as a friend despite what you think of me.”

“So Sir why are you doing this then? Going out of your way to separate Alex and me.”

“Agent Mulder I just want to be sure, you do know it’s a lifelong commitment that you’re thinking about making?”

“I’m well aware of that Sir, I’ve done a lot of thinking but I can’t change how I feel about him.”

“You have to be sure it’s mutual Agent Mulder, Alex Krycek has suffered a brain injury and you’re all that he has now.”

“So you think he’s just using me Sir?”

“No I’m not saying that, he’s perhaps not fully there and doesn’t know what he wants.”

“Great thanks for that Sir, now I feel so much better about everything.”

“What Agent Mulder? I wasn’t trying to sound or be nasty about it.”

“You’ve now made me feel like I’ve just taken advantage of him, if he’s unsure of what he’s doing.”

“Right I’m ending this conversation, but believe me I didn’t mean it that way at all. I just think that you need to step back and look at the whole picture Agent Mulder.”

“Fine, goodnight Sir.”

With that I hung up, I was feeling far too stressed to deal with Skinner right now. Yes, I could understand the point he was making, if we had time apart we’d see if we still wanted each other. I didn’t want to think about it too closely though, shit I might just see something that I wouldn’t like.

I took a quick shower and lay on the bed, however sleep was refusing to come tonight. I had abused Alex, drugged him and the raped him. Suddenly I rushed to the bathroom and threw up, maybe Skinner might just be right after all.

I’d started the relationship with Alex after he woke from the coma, yeah from a fuckin brain injury no less. In some ways was I still just using him, taking advantage of Alex simply because I could? No I really didn’t want to believe that at all, yes there had been a time long ago when I might have done that.

Alex though had been the one who showed me the pleasure of giving in to someone else, I’d at one time never believed I’d let anyone be in charge when it came to sex.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I must have finally fallen asleep as it was daylight now, I sat up and looked at the clock to see it was already ten in the morning. I guess that I’d also survived my first night alone, shit how it made my heart ache to think of Fox. I just had to keep telling myself the same thing, I was doing this for Fox and not my selfish self.

Today I would have to physically and mentally prepare myself, I would have to be ready to make that first step. I’d pushed myself many times in the past, I’d forced myself to train my body and mind to how I wanted it to be. Yet how do you make the left side of your body work, especially if your brain’s refusing to help out.

In the past I’d learnt how to tolerate a lot of pain, sometimes that alone had been what had kept me alive. I decided that I’d just wait until later today when it was visiting time, I would also make sure I’d had plenty of rest beforehand.

I thought about hardly anything else, I wasn’t the type to be kept caged like a fuckin rat. I’d made my plans, now all I had to do was see them out and be ready when the time came.

I’d managed to exercise for about an hour now, afterwards I took a long hot bath to relax all my muscles. I’d worked it out that I still had about six hours before leaving, I went in to the cupboard and got the bag that I knew was there. It was one that Fox had used to bring his own stuff here, I then threw in a few clothes along with some personal things. Once all that was done I took enough cash for a cab.

Now I figured I could grab a few hours’ sleep, I set my alarm just to make sure I woke up in time.

I’s managed to sleep quite well and felt wide awake, my first job was to take all my pills and flush them down the toilet. This was going to be a fresh start, time to go and take control of my own life.

I placed the bag on the handle of the wheelchair and covered it with one of Fox’s jackets, I realized that everything in my life was either owned or borrowed from Fox.

Once I was all sorted I slotted the cane at the side of the chair, I then just grabbed a random paperback book off the shelf. I took one last look around and grabbed my mobile, I then wheeled myself into the corridor.

I managed to get so far then bumped into the nurse, I guess I still had a way of managing to charm people. She had stopped just to ask me if I was alright, I told her that I wanted some fresh air and to go read in the garden.

I waited until it was visiting time before calling for a cab, I knew that within half an hour the place would be really hectic. Then the time had come for me to leave here, I wheeled myself right up to the gates to find my cab already there and waiting.

I pulled myself up using the cane, the driver was extremely helpful and grabbed my bag and jacket. As he put my things into the trunk I had one last thing to do, I disposed of the mobile phone and left it in the wheelchair.

It had hurt more than I’d have thought to part with it, Fox had bought it so that he could always communicate with me. However this was one of the ties I had to break, the only way I could do it was by leaving it all behind.

The cab driver got behind the wheel and started the engine, he then asked me where we were heading. I told him the final destination, however I told him that I had just one stop to make on the way.


	17. Chapter 17

So far we’d been shown the site where things had been seen, yet at present there appeared to be nothing at all out of order. We had even interviewed the families of the missing people, yet so far a big fat zilch. 

I told Scully that we’d have to come back to the site at night time, maybe things were not as they seemed. The two missing people both knew each other, both were young and of the opposite sex. Maybe it was just love or something like she was pregnant, let’s just say that something was off and I smelt a rat.

I told Scully that I was off to my room for a couple of hours, I was exhausted and just wanted to call Alex. Three times I’d tried without any luck at all, each time the phone rang until it went onto the answering machine. Maybe Alex was just asleep or something, he still had a habit at times of been really tired. That was fine, I’d grab a couple of hours sleep myself before calling back.

However later on I still got no answer, shit now I really was starting to get worried about him. I kept trying, but hell even the main hospital phone lines were busy. I was left with no choice but to call Skinner, maybe I could get him to look in to it on my behalf.

“Sir it’s Agent Mulder.”

“What can I do for Agent Mulder?”

“It’s Alex Sir, I know that you hate him Sir but I really need your help.”

“Fine just tell me what it is.”

“I gave him a mobile phone but he’s not answering, also I can’t even get an answer from the hospital and I’ve been trying for hours now.”

“Fine I’ll try ringing myself if I don’t get an answer I’ll drive over and take a look.”

“Thank you for this Sir.”

“Agent Mulder I’m doing this so you’ll get back to work, no other reason so just remember that.”

“Yeah okay but thanks anyway Sir.”

I hung up on Skinner, now all I could do was keep busy until I got a call back. I went to find Scully as maybe we could grab something to eat before night time. We found a small café, I felt sick and all I ordered was a coffee.

“Mulder are you okay?”

“Yeah Scully don’t worry about me I’m fine.”

“You look a little upset that’s all Mulder.”

“I’m okay, I just can’t get hold of Alex at all, I even resorted to asking Skinner to go and check it out for me.”

“What about the clinic, surely they must be able to tell you something Mulder.”

“I tried Scully however I kept getting a busy tone there too.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine Mulder, so try not worry yourself too much over it.”

“Easier said than done believe me.”

“You know that Skinner will look in to it for you.”

I never even got the chance to answer Scully, I was interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

“Agent Mulder it’s me A.D Skinner, you might want to get a plane back to D.C straightaway.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I weighed up all my options as I’d already made the cab driver stop once, I’d been quite surprised by the large sum of money in the safety deposit box. I suppose it meant one thing, at least there was one other person out there  looking out for me.

My main problem had been where to go from here, I knew Fox would use the F.B.I along with the gunmen to track me down. My main goal at the moment had to be staying off the grid, also there was one other thing that I wanted to do. 

I transferred some money in to a large padded envelope, I then paid for it to be delivered to Agent Mulder care of the F.B.I. I then got in the cab and told the driver I was ready; I’d finally decided on the location where I’d stay.

The cab driver thought that I was mad, I guess that it was obvious that I could hardly walk to begin with. Oh and there was always the fact he’d just picked me up from the hospital, however at the end of the day he was getting paid to take me where I wanted to go.

The driver was quiet once we finally got out of D.C, also it didn’t take him to long to find the place I would be staying at. I’d thought about Rhode Island, yet I wasn’t going to risk it as I knew Fox would check it out. There was also the fact of what happened last time, shit I’d nearly killed and would have if not for Fox.

So after some thought I’d come up with another plan, one of the benefits of previously working for the consortium. I knew of many locations along with just how often they were used, that was how I’d known about Skinners cabin. 

It was really remote and the man only came here once a year, I knew that I could hide here for some time without ever been found. Just maybe by then Fox might have given up on searching for me, well I guess I could always hope.

The weather was warm and I was good at fishing, I knew Skinner would also have supplies here so I’d be okay. I’d managed to force the back door without causing too much damage, once inside I decided to have a good look around.

Skinner kept the place immaculate just like his apartment, I found the pantry and it was well stocked with plenty of dried food. I also located a small bedroom with a large double bed, he also had a very large supply of blankets too. I was aware that even on really hot nights I might need them, sometimes it could drop below freezing as early as autumn.

All in all, I had everything I’d need for tonight, maybe tomorrow I might think about catching some fresh fish. I soon found the generator and powered it up, however by the time I was finished I was exhausted and I knew Fox would know now. All that thought did was make my heart sink, I just had to keep on telling myself that I was doing it for him.

Effectively I was trapped here now, that had been the main reason why I’d picked the middle of nowhere. I was here without any form of transport or a phone, just to top it off I wasn’t fit enough to walk that far yet. The nearest house was a few miles away, so unless my brain started working I was unable to leave here for now.

It meant that even if I cracked and wanted to go back I couldn’t, that was a good thing as that way I couldn’t hurt Fox any more than I already had. It didn’t matter about me or how much I hurt, it was my own fault for letting him know how I felt about him to begin with.

I found a can opener and a tin of beans, which would do me for now as I wanted it to last. I threw myself down on the bed and lay there, I remained there as I cried myself to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

I reached D.C as fast as I could, when I reached the hospital I was med by a very grim looking Skinner.

“Sir where is he?”

“He’s gone Agent Mulder; the staff were unsure at first but there’s no two ways about it now.”

“What he just got up and walked out?”

“I’ll find a nurse; you just go wait in his room Agent Mulder.”

I walked in to the room and started opening the drawers, I knew straight away that some of the money and clothes were gone. I just couldn’t get my head around the reason why he’d done it, he’d been getting better and we were really happy together. Skinner walked back in to the room, he’d also managed to find a nurse to come and see me.

“Good evening Mr Mulder.”

“Hi can someone please just tell me what’s going on here?”

“Alex disappeared earlier today, at first we were unsure just what had happened to him. However we found the wheelchair at the main gates, he also left his phone in the chair. All we can think is that he arranged a lift or something, he’d also taken a bag with him when he left.”

“So you believe he had it all planned then?”

“Yes it would appear that way, he’d told us that he was going to sit out in the garden and read.”

“So if he had it planned he must have called a cab then, that or he had someone to meet him.”

“Most certainly as he’d be unable to walk too far.”

“Where’s the phone now?”

“We have it here.”

“Right I want to check all out going numbers, I want to see who the hell he managed to call before he left.”

“Very well I’ll get the phone right away.”

I redialled the last number Alex had called, it turned out to be a cab company after all. They confirmed that they’d picked up a single male earlier today, the driver claimed he’d dropped his passenger at the local bus station. Well that was fuckin great and I was getting pissed off, I was well aware that Alex could be anywhere by now.

Shit just what the hell was he playing at in the first place, I knew that I should never have left him alone. It was then that Skinner came over and tapped me on the arm.

“Agent Mulder the nurse wanted another word with you.”

“Okay just give me a few minutes, I just want to check out the bus stations first.”

“Very well Agent Mulder, just don’t be too long will you.”

I rang the local bus depot; I was informed that at least twenty buses had left since that time. There would have been hundreds of people pass through the station in that time, I was told that I was more than welcome to view the security tapes. I told him that I’d be over within the next couple of hours, there were some things that I had to do first.

I’d have to decide what was happening with the room, as it looked like Alex wouldn’t be needing it anymore. I decided I might as well just pack all my own things up first, I guess I’d me moving back in to my apartment full time now.

Once sorted I decided to go back and see the nurse. I wanted to see what she had to say to me now, yet by the look on her face I knew it was nothing good.

“Agent Mulder I just wanted to share Alex’s report with you.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to wonder if I’d get used to being alone again, I just felt so fed up with everything right now. The day felt really warm and the sun was very bright, I was okay as the lake was only a few yards from the cabin.

There was a shed that was filled with Skinners belongings, it didn’t take me long at all to find all his fishing gear and some dried bate. All I had to do now was get it all there, I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry all of this with me.

I found an old golf cart on wheels, I managed to move everything into it and was almost ready to go. There was just one other thing that I wanted to add to the cart, I looked in the pantry and grabbed a few cans of beer to take with me.

It was a slow process, but hell it wasn’t like I had anywhere to be anytime soon. I set up the fishing rods and sat back down on the warm grass, it just felt so good to be outside for a change.

I guess it also felt good to be able to have a drink, I couldn’t even remember when the last time was because of all the pills. Vodka would have been my preferred beverage, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers can they?

The only thing that was missing now was Fox, shit I really didn’t want to start thinking about what could have been and everything I’d lost. I wiped the tears away the best I could, for now I would just concentrate on the fish.

I’d brought a cooler with me to keep the fish cold, at least I’d managed to catch a couple so it was better than nothing. It wasn’t like I’d need any more just for myself, maybe it was time I actually thought about heading back to the cabin. It was even harder going back as my body was really tired now, I guess it was a mixture of the sun alcohol and the exercise.

Once I was back I managed to put everything away, I then got the barbeque out along with a gas canister. Soon I had everything I’d need set up and ready, all I had to do now was gut the fish.

This way at least I’d have something to do each day, also it would save all the dried food for when winter came. That would give me six months before I’d have to worry about leaving here, possibly even longer before the food ran out or Skinner returned.

I opened a folding chair grabbed another beer, soon I had the fish fully cooked and ready to eat too. The sun was now settling and I felt really relaxed, I just remained out here for another couple of hours enjoying the sun on my skin, but once the night air came it started to feel really chilly.

I cleaned everything away and went inside, soon I had myself cleaned up too and went to check out the spare room. All I wanted was something to read or do, just something that would help pass the time.

I found a box full of photos, some were old and looked like they were of a family. I figured the small child was most probably Walter Skinner, well this might just turn out to be fun and kill some time. I sat and looked through many of the photos, Walter had changed a lot over the years and you can tell his family were proud of him.

Great now I was thinking about my own family, had my mum been proud of me when I’d left home. Did it also make her proud to think I’d died for my country; I knew this was not a good train of thought so late at night. I decided that I’d done enough for one day, I slammed the book shut and put it back in the box.

I’d had enough of nostalgia to last a life time, I started having a look through a couple more of the boxes. Well if winter was cold I’d be okay as a box was full of blankets, also plenty more clothes too.

The last box must have been Walters treat box, there were boxes of chocolates and half a dozen bottles of expensive whisky. So Walter it appeared did have a few vices then.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went back to the room once more, I noticed that both the nurse and Skinner were still there. All I wanted was to go and get totally smashed, that or go and totally smash something. The room still smelt of Alex, the man had changed my life more than he knew and in such a short time.

The same man who’d been my enemy for so long, to think of all the time we’d wasted and now this.  I couldn’t just forget and get over him, that’s why I couldn’t understand any of this at all.

I loved Alex and had thought it was mutual, how stupid I must have been to let him take me in like this. God I just felt so sick, the man had shown me how to accept and how to love. Shit he’d made love to me, he hadn’t been brutal or just taken what he wanted from me.

“Mr Mulder can we have a word please.”

“Yeah sure, I was just miles away that’s all. I will arrange to get the room cleaned out too, might as well just get everything done.”

“Mr Mulder you’ve paid for the room so don’t worry about that at the moment, we can arrange to leave all that for a couple of weeks.”

“Why that long?”

“Just in case you manage to find him, maybe even manage to get him to come back here.”

“Knowing Alex I doubt it, but thanks for that anyway.”

“I have the final medical report on Alex, I will start with the physical exam results to start with.”

“Yeah okay but can I just ask a quick question first?”

“Yes of course you can.”

“Did you show Alex the report at all?”

“No I was going to show it to you both later today, Alex had done well and come through so much in such a short time. Physically he’s done great, his ability to move had become far better than before. Within a few months and physio, he could have walked really well, the limp would only have been noticeable if he was tired or pushed too hard.”

“So you think he would have recovered nearly as well as before the coma?”

“His right side of the brain was affected, surprisingly the right part of the brain works the left side of his body. I will explain this to you as simple as I can, he would still have the limp, however his brain would have been re trained to use it. His arm movement would have been a different matter though I’m afraid.”

“I thought he’d being doing well with his arm.”

“Yes he’s made some improvement; to simplify it he has to tell his brain to do things. As an example when you eat you just do it. Alex would have to use his brain; it would be like having to relay a message to get the job done.”

“So he will have to think about every single action then?”

“Yes it would give the appearance that he was a bit slow, but basically he’ll be able to do everything for himself.”

“So what happens then if he doesn’t see a physiotherapist?”

“Alex will always have the limp, also he won’t recognize how to use his left arm.”

“So basically he’s not doing himself any favours then?”

“Most certainly not, especially as the mental report was even worse.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are aware that we had to put Alex on the antidepressants, well he flushed them all down the toilet and now has no medication left. Our report found Alex to be bipolar, it’s extremely common after any sort of brain injury. Without the medication Alex won’t be thinking straight at all, he could also sink in to a severe suicidal depression.” 

“Oh shit so we have to find him Sir.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I moved a bottle of the expensive whisky in to the bedroom, then as an afterthought I grabbed a box of chocolates too. I had to admit that I’d always had a sweet tooth since I was a kid, not that I’d actually had any for a few months now.

I’d open the chocolates later as a treat, however I decided I’d leave the whisky for tomorrow. I’d had enough today with sun and the beers, I really couldn’t see me having a problem getting some sleep tonight. I’d even found a box of books and magazines amongst everything else, they were mainly crime novels and all fishing magazines.

For now I was going to go to bed, it had been a really long day and I needed some sleep. I couldn’t believe how much the weather changed come night time, I decided to throw a couple of extra blankets on to the bed. Soon I was really nice and warm in the big bed, I just lay there reading the crime novel and eating chocolates.

I must have fallen asleep; I believe that I’d also slept for some time as it was another bright sunny day outside. I noticed that I’d fallen asleep with the book and chocolates still on the bed with me. I just lay there thinking about a few things for a while, I guess been alone was going to be quite boring and I’d need to keep busy.

I walked in to the small bathroom and washed up, I then took a long hard look at myself in the mirror. It was then that I started to have some strange thoughts, the main on was why the hell I’m still here.

 I’d gone and lost Fox along with everything else in my life, I was just living in the middle of nowhere and making myself suffer so much. Shit I felt so sick and couldn’t even understand myself, so how the hell was anyone else meant to then.

I took my right fist and slammed it full on in to the mirror, glass flew all over the bathroom and me. Soon I picked up a long shard and held it really tight in my hand, it didn’t take long for the blood to start running in to the sink.

I stood there mesmerized as it flowed, it never even once bothered me that it was my own blood going down the plug hole. I just pressed the glass even harder until I had to let go, the pain was becoming too much to keep hold of it any longer.

God I was such a fucked up bastard, I grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around my injured hand. It was Walter Skinners cabin and he was always prepared, I knew he’d have a first aid kit somewhere around here.

Finally, in one of the kitchen cupboards I found was I was looking for, it was a small basic first aid kit. I cleaned my hand up with some warm water and it was a struggle to stop the bleeding, yet it was even harder trying to bandage it with my left hand.

It hurt like hell and would for some time, it was a stupid thing to do and I knew it. I’d just cut up my only fully working hand, as much as my left hand worked it was just too slow at times to get a lot done.

Well it was too late to do anything about it now, what was done was done and I had to accept that. I had no idea why I was suddenly feeling far worse than even yesterday, maybe it was finally sinking in that I’d be better off dead. I went back in to the bedroom and grabbed the bottle of whisky, I’d been awake about an hour and I’d had enough already.

I’d just go back to bed with my book and the whisky, I wasn’t even hungry this morning as I felt so sick. No matter how hard I tried the book held no interest to me, I’d tried repeatedly but just couldn’t get past that first chapter.

I’d lost my patience with it and threw it across the room, it then just hit the wall and fell on to the floor where it belonged. I decided to grab the bottle instead and started drinking, soon the book along with everything else was forgotten.

XXXXXXXXXX


	18. Chapter 18

Shit I hadn’t even realized that Alex was that bad, or that he was willing to just flush all his meds away and suffer.

“So if it’s a suicidal depression we need to find him fast?”

“Yes I’m sorry for the grim news, but it’s vital that he’s found and brought back here. The longer Alex remains missing, well the higher the chances are of him attempting to end his own life. When Alex arrived at the clinic in Rhode Island he was in a coma for a few months, this was due to what he’d tried doing to himself.

He’d been using a drug called Ketamine a controlled substance, the drug gave people a feel of euphoria and was being used in trials for depression. Alex then had to go without it in the coma, yet we saw how depressed he became afterwards. Basically we substituted the ketamine for anti-depressants, however now Alex has neither one to help him out.”

  
“God so you’re saying that the depression could become far worse than before and fast.”

“You might have noticed yourself at times Mr Mulder that he could be okay at times, but if something triggers the negative in him he reacts badly without much thought. If he becomes depressed he will just dig the hole deeper and deeper, it will then get to the point where he can’t get back out. Alone and without any help he becomes a huge risk, a risk that he will severely harm himself or possibly worse.”

Fuckin great I really can’t handle this at all, the man that I love is out there alone and possibly suicidal right now. I couldn’t just sit here waiting and doing nothing practical, I thanked the nurse and left what was Alex’s room behind me. I’d only just left when Skinner came over, I didn’t have time for this and had to find Alex.

“Agent Mulder.”

“What is it Sir?”

“We can go and get the videos from the bus station, we’ll then take them back to the Hoover. I’ll give you a couple of really good Agents to help you sort through them.”

“Thank you Sir I really appreciate the help, just as long as they don’t refuse because of who he is.”

“Agent Mulder I’m their superior and it will be an order, at the moment Alex Krycek is a very sick man that needs to be found as soon as possible.”

“Yeah I just hope we’re not already too late, that’s if we even manage to find him at all.”

“Just try and stay positive Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah right this is Alex Krycek we’re talking about.” 

I left Skinner and drove to the bus station, I collected every video cassette they had from that day. I then drove back to work praying that Alex was alright, I just had to hope that the tapes held some information to his whereabouts.

Skinner had kept his word, there were already two Agents in the room waiting for the tapes. I stacked all the tapes up ready for them to go through, I then pulled out a recent photo of Alex for them.

It was to take about six hours to go through them all, it was also six hours totally fuckin wasted. There had been no trace of Alex at all as the driver had dropped him at the entrance, unfortunately the cameras never picked that area up.

I thanked the Agents for all their time and help, now I had to think what there was I could do next. It had been crystal clear that Alex had not left on a bus, however he was unable to walk too far alone.

The next job would be all the cab companies; I’d need a list of every fare picked up at that station. Maybe they had picked up someone fitting Alex’s description, at the moment I was willing to try anything at all. I had to find Alex no matter what I had to do, also at any cost as he was my life now.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck I woke with one hell of a headache, then when I tried to move the room felt like it was spinning around. God how I just need to throw up right now, however I knew that with my leg I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom.

God damn it, I couldn’t even find anything to use. Not that it mattered anymore, I couldn’t help it as I started to throw up.

Shit I’d managed to throw up all over the once clean floor, well I guess I’d just given myself something to do today. However at the moment I was unable to even get out of the bed, I lay there staring at the ceiling a while just thinking.

Well I must look a right fuckin mess now, not that I was planning to move anytime soon. I just kept telling myself that Fox was far better off without me, I was just one total sad pathetic mess. I must have slept most of the day away, yet I still had to force myself to get out of the bed.

I staggered towards the bathroom and threw up once more, I seriously thought it was time that I got the bedroom carpet clean, then after that I would have to work on myself. I managed to find a bucket and a scrubbing brush, it was just a shame that I’d forgot about my injured hand. It must have taken a good hour to get rid of the mess, at least it smelt far better in the bedroom now.

I managed to find some clean clothes that would have to do, after the shower it felt really good to be clean again. The clothes were a bit big for me, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers. By now my right hand was throbbing really bad, I found some ointment to put on and re bandaged it back up for now.

When I’d totally finished I was clean along with the cabin, however I was paying the price now as I was exhausted. I decided to sit out on the porch, it was still warm out and it felt good on my skin. Staying here was one thing but I’d still need to sort myself out, at the moment I was as far from doing that as possible.

I also had to hope that the cab driver wouldn’t reveal where I am, I’d paid the man enough to keep his mouth shut about it. I’d told him that I was escaping my really violent partner, he swore no matter what that he wouldn’t tell anyone my location. I’d warned him in advance all about my partner, I’d even told him that he was an F.B.I Agent. I figured he’d be better prepared if he knew, rather than Fox showing up and the man panicking then blurting my whereabouts out.

I knew that sometimes Fox could be a right stubborn bastard, he’d also use his position to get the answers he wanted. As much as I loved his stubborn streak, Fox had to just let go and stop looking for me.

Great now I was back on the subject of Fox Mulder, he’d been my one weakness for many years now and it had to end. At least I had some good memories for the dark nights ahead, also I knew that in the end he’d wanted me after all.

Maybe everything between us had just happened too late, I’d already suffered severe scars from so many things in my past. My heart ached to think of what I’d lost, in some ways I was glad that I was trapped here and unable to leave. At least it meant I couldn’t give in to temptation and go running to him, which I knew had to be a good thing.

Maybe tomorrow I might just go fishing again, anything would do if it stopped me going mad here on my own. Every time I felt the pain I cracked, then I’d cause myself more pain just to mask the heartache. My answer was just to cut myself yet again, well at least it took my mind of everything.

Eventually I’d run out of places to cut if I kept it up, maybe one day I’d hit a vein and fuckin bleed to death. Time was just going so slow out here, however each day that passed was another day for Fox to forget about me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nothing at all, shit it was like Alex had just disappeared off the face of the earth. The F.B.I had turned up nothing at all on him, hell I’d even gone to see the gunmen. It was looking more like I’d have to expect the worst, I might have to accept that I’ll never get to see Alex again.

It hurt so much as the weeks turned in to months, soon I wouldn’t even have much to do at work to even keep me busy. Christmas was coming around fast; however I just chose to work for most of the holidays. Why the hell would I just want to sit at home all alone, this should have been a happy time and Alex should have been here with me.

I’d finally had to deal with the hospital too, it was so painful to just have to pack everything up like he was dead or something. I now sat on my couch with them as I’d left them packed for a couple of months, the time had come to empty them and sort the stuff out.

Shit everything in the bag just screamed Alex including the smell too. I went and put some music on quietly, I then sat back and listened to the music I’d shared with Alex. I knew that I was totally torturing myself but it didn’t matter, I couldn’t stop the pain I felt no matter what I did anyway.

I’d bought a couple of bottles of vodka for the holidays, I intended to spend the time totally out of it. Scully had tried by inviting me to her Mothers, yet I knew that I’d just end up spoiling it for everyone else.

It was one thing if I chose to be a miserable bastard, but it wasn’t fair to ruin it for Scully and everyone else. Trouble been, I still had another whole week of work before I could drink myself in to oblivion.

The gunmen had tried to get me to go there Christmas eve, they claimed it was just for a couple of social drinks that’s all. Hell even Skinner and tried to get me to spent Christmas day with him, but maybe it wasn’t a good idea getting plastered while with your boss. I’d declined every offer I’d received, however Skinner kept trying to push the issue every day.

Who knows maybe I might pop in just to shut him up, at least it would get him off my back. I was at work in the morning so I couldn’t drink tonight, maybe I’d just order a Chinese and watch a video instead.

Two hours later I was still sat in the same place and would have to move soon, when I finally did move it was just to kick off my shoes and remove my jacket.

So much for the food and I guess it was stupid to starve myself, I just found it impossible to eat as I just wanted to throw up most of the time. I turned the T.V on, not that I was paying any attention to what was on it. I guess it was just a background image, a distraction from all my thoughts and the pain I felt.

I went in to my wallet and removed a small photo, Alex’s gorgeous face stared back at me. Had I hurt him that bad to just give up on all we had, I finally fell in to a troubled sleep where I sat and would regret it in the morning. 

When morning came I was still sat there holding the photo, I kissed it and then placed it back inside my wallet. I would have a quick coffee, that would be my substitute for food but at least it was something.

It never took me long to shower and dress, I could do this as it was just a week after all. Soon I’d be able to just forget everything for a short time, at the moment I’d take any respite that I could get.

XXXXXXXXXX

Time had gone by ever so slowly; I suppose been here alone didn’t help the matter at all. Over the months I’d changed so much, I’d become far weaker and had numerous cuts all over my body. They were all self-inflicted, it had become the only way that I could deal with my life. Every time I felt upset I’d just add another one, however I’d learnt my lesson from the first time I’d cut my hand. I at all costs avoided cutting my right hand, it had been near impossible to do anything.

I think I was becoming worse as winter had approached, it was far too cold to sit on the porch or do anything outside now. Also the pond had frozen over months ago, I was worried that cabin fever might well and truly set in now. I had a feeling that winter was going to be bad out here, it was only the start and I was fuckin freezing my ass off out here.

I’d even moved to the couch to sleep now, I hardly used the other rooms as it was just too cold. I had a fire constantly burning in the living area, I guess that I hardly moved from the couch anymore whether it was night or day time.

I’d kept a bottle of whisky, I knew I’d be alone so I’d spend the time drunk and out of it. Ha I also figured that the whisky might warm me up a bit, amongst other things it could do.

I was now going to have to move, I made a point of going out just once a day for some wood. Today however I was planning to do it a few times, I would bring in enough wood to last me at least a few days. That way I’d be able to keep the doors shut, I’d also throw some blankets down to keep out the draughts.

I grabbed some of Skinners jumpers, I then also added a large padded coat and boots to what I wore. I’d managed to do the first trip really fast, but after that I had to keep taking breaks and sitting down for a while. My body started to scream at me every time that I moved, I also knew that all the cuts would have to be cleaned again now.

In the end I’d been out about six hours just for the wood, at least I’d brought in enough to last until after Christmas now. I knew that I couldn’t afford to get totally drunk, shit the fire would go out and I’d freeze to death.

I finally managed to get cleaned up and changed, I also cleaned up every one of my wounds to stop any infection. All I had to do now was get the whisky and some food,

 I’d saved dried food as I’d managed to fish all of summer and autumn. I would have enough food to last me the rest of the time I’d be here, I decided to grab just the dried food like crackers and biscuits. After that I found the whisky and a glass along with a few magazines to read.

Soon I had everything I’d need, now all I had to do was keep in here and the bathroom warm. I just lay down on the couch, I’d worked so hard today and was now totally exhausted. My thoughts wandered to Fox as usual, I wondered what he was doing over Christmas and if he’d be alone.

I knew what Fox was like, if he stayed at home alone he’d just make himself really depressed. For all I knew Fox might have got over me now, hell he might have already found someone else to replace me as it’d being a while.

However as I fell asleep that wasn’t something I wanted to think about right now, actually it wasn’t something I wanted to think about at all.

XXXXXXXXXX

God help me but for once I couldn’t leave work quick enough, it was turning out to be one of those days. I’d gone for a Christmas drink earlier with Scully, I wouldn’t see her now until the holidays were over. I’d cried sick when it came to the gunmen, all I wanted now was to be by myself and left alone.

I’d told them that I’d go New Year’s Eve instead, I had a full week to come up with an excuse to get out of going. Once I was sorted out I put the television on and grabbed the vodka, I had every intention of spending this Christmas alone as usual. Things could have been so different this year, I should have been happy and having a good time. Alex should be here with me; it would have been our first Christmas together.

 I was sat here all alone, getting totally rat arsed and feeling sorry for myself. I drank until I finally passed out, oh shit suddenly my head was pounding, thud, thud, thud. Shit it was then that I realized the time, it was nearly dinnertime on Christmas day.

I knew that I had no choice but to answer the door, well it was that or my head would explode.

“Sir what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to check on you Mulder, you can also knock it off calling me Sir during the holidays.”

“Yeah well I’m fine so you can leave now.”

“So what are you planning to eat today, look Mulder I just thought you could spend Christmas day with me.”

Shit was Skinner for real, I was fine alone and had all I wanted for Christmas dinner.

“I’ve got a bottle of vodka; also believe me I would be really shit company today.”

“Call me selfish then, however I’d rather have your company than none at all.”

“You’re not going to let this drop are you?”

“No Mulder, come on I’ll give you five minutes to get dressed and ready.”

Well it looked like I was left with no choice in the matter, I would be spending my Christmas with my boss Walter Skinner. I took my time having a shower and getting dressed, I guess that my hangover was not doing me any favours at all. Soon I was dressed in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, I was then as ready as I’d ever be to leave.

“Come on then Skinner, let’s get a move on if there’s no way out of this.”

“Mulder it’s just Christmas dinner and not a death sentence, I’m sure even you will be able to manage it.”

“Yeah whatever, but you had better be a good cook then.”

“Yes Mulder, I’ll have you know I’m a very good cook indeed. Most of the food’s already prepared and the turkey is already in the oven.”

“Come on then let’s get moving, otherwise you might end up setting the apartment on fire.”

“Very funny.”

“Do you want me to bring my bottle of vodka?”

“No it’s okay, I have some really decent whisky that I only drink at Christmas.”

“Fine okay then whisky it is; I guess that I’m just bringing myself then.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Well what a great way this was to spend Christmas day, all alone with a bottle of crap whiskey. I had to accept that at the moment this was the best I’d get, at least I was somewhere that was warm and dry for now. I knew that after the new year I’d only have a couple of months, I’d have to be out of here by the end of February at the latest.

God knows what the hell Skinner would say, perhaps he’d think someone had just broken in and stole some stuff. I would have to wait until the weather was a lot warmer, it would most likely take me a few days to get anywhere.

I’d have to walk to the nearest house and call a cab, if the weather was warm I’d be able to sleep rough if it came to it. Even though I was thinking way too far ahead, it was the here and now that I had to deal with. That just meant getting drunk and forgetting about everything, not that I could forget about Fox.

“Well here’s to you Fox, have a great Christmas.”

I had visions of Fox in bed with someone else, Jesus just the thought made me feel like throwing up. Did I want Fox to be all alone, in truth I didn’t want him to be, but I didn’t want him to be with someone in a relationship either.

I remembered the times he’d touched me, granted at first it had just been violence and I’d been okay with it. I would have accepted anything that he gave me, as long as it just meant he was touching me.

I just knocked back even more of the whisky, I no longer cared if I even managed to drink myself to death. Anything would be better than feeling so alone, maybe I was just starting to suffer with cabin fever after all.

Soon I’d finished off the whole bottle of whiskey, yet I still felt so much pain and despair at the moment. I smashed the whisky bottle against the coffee table, I then just sat there fixated on a long piece of glass. Within seconds I’d dragged the piece of glass right down my left arm, I’d taken it right from my shoulder to the wrist pressing down as I went.

Fuck my arm stung like hell as the blood flowed, yet I just sat there staring at the blood. Maybe I might just fuckin bleed to death, but I knew I’d never be as lucky as that. I’d just bandage it up and be here for another day, typical coward that I was as I couldn’t just end it.

I knew that nothing would ever change in my life, apart from me just getting drunk yet again. I was right and life just carried on yet again, well that was until New Year’s Eve. I’d managed to save one last bottle of the whiskey; most people just wish each other a happy new year. For me it would be just another year wishing that I was dead, also another year that I was too much of a coward to just end it all.

 That was why I was sat here just once more getting drunk, yet I knew with the alcohol came more pain, to then be followed by more cuts and far more blood.  
I hadn’t really been overweight to start with, but I must have lost a good couple of stone in weight along with looking pale and ill.

It was strange to think how everything just came and went, Christmas and New Year, autumn and winter. Yet here I was just the same as when I arrived here, no that was a big fat lie and I knew it.

I’d become far worse in the time I’d been here, not that it bothered me anymore. I’d just finished off the last bottle so there went my escape from reality, spring would come soon and then I’d have to move on.

XXXXXXXXXX


	19. Chapter 19

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I’d survived Christmas at Skinners, it had gone far better than I’d expected it too. Skinner had even invited me round for the New Year, which was only if I felt up to it though. Somehow the thought of the New Year alone depressed me, how could I celebrate and look forward to another year alone.

Skinner had tried to cheer me up, yet I’d got totally drunk and acted a right prat. We’d spent the night drinking his expensive whiskey, he assured me that it was okay as he had some more stashed at his cabin.

At midnight Skinner gave me a friendly hug, he told me that everything would work out in the end. So what did I go and do, I turned around and kissed him full on the lips. I now stood here feeling like a complete fuckin bastard, so much for loving Alex.

“Mulder just sit down.”

“Shit how can I now?”

“Mulder it happened, you were just drunk and lonely that was all. I’m not reading anything in to it, so don’t you go getting all worked up about it.”

“I just want it to all end, the pain to just go away even for a short time.”

“I know Mulder, it’s obvious you’re hurting and that it was just a mistake.”

“Yeah but now I have to look at you, shit knowing that I tried to come on to you.”

“Mulder we’re both adults here, let’s just get over it and forget it ever happened.”

“If you’re sure that you can?”

“Yes it’s you that I worry about Mulder, you might have to accept the fact that Alex isn’t coming back any time soon, if at all. You’ve moped around for months now, yet we haven’t had a single lead in all this time.”

“Yeah I think I’m well aware of that, you should be happy as it’s what you really wanted.”

“Mulder please, I’ll admit at first it’ was what I wanted. However over time I’ve seen for myself what he means to you, but he’s also a very sick man Mulder. Believe me after seeing him for what he is, well let’s just say I got over the hate a long time ago.”

“Shit I’m sorry for blaming you for everything.”

“I know it’s looking like I won’t see him again. Maybe a new year means a new start, I’ll try my hardest this year to move on without Alex.”

“It will take time Mulder, but it’s something that you’re going to have to do.”

“Yeah well I guess I’ll just do the best I can.”

“That’s all anyone expects from you; I just don’t understand how we never found him.”

“It’s Alex, he always seemed to have the ability to just disappear.”

“Very true, do you want me to call you a cab Mulder?”

“Yeah I think that I need to go home and sober up, thanks’ for this and Christmas Walter. Shit I don’t think I’d have coped alone in that apartment, time to go and sober up I guess.”

“You’re a survivor Mulder.”

“I guess I’ll see you back at work in a few days then.”

“Yes you will, just keep your chin up Mulder.”

  
I got a cab home, three long boring days before I’d return back to work.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I’d survived Christmas and the New Year, however now I’d have to making plans and thinking where I’d go next. It was nearly spring now and the weather was greatly improving, maybe I might be good and clean the place up before I left.

Well I decided I’d grab a few hours’ sleep and then actually make a start, at least that way I’d have far more energy than I do right now. I was just drifting in to a deep sleep when I heard the loud banging, shit then it was followed by a voice I’d know anywhere.

“What the fuck?”

I recognized Skinners voice straight away, he’d tried getting in to find the door blocked from the inside. I tried to move of the couch and lunge at him as he entered, but shit the man was still really fast.

“Alex just knock it the hell off will you.”

“Like hell I will, just get the fuck off me Skinner.”

“Alex I assure you that you won’t win, believe me as I’m far stronger than you are at the moment.”

“We’ll see.”

Shit I knew he was right; however I wasn’t willing to go down without a fight.

“I’ll never know how the hell Mulder copes with you.”

“Yeah well that ended a long time ago so it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Suddenly I was pulled up and shoved hard onto the couch, Skinner then stood there looming over me.

“Is that what you thought Alex, not a day goes by that he doesn’t look for you?”

“Well I’m not going back, so can just let me fucking go right now.”

“You haven’t got a chance in hell boy.”

I watched as Skinner pulled his phone from his pocket, he then hit a button on speed dial. The bastard I’d told him I wasn’t going back and I couldn’t stop him as he called Fox, worse was Skinner telling him the quickest route to his cabin.

“You stupid idiot, you should have just let me go Skinner.”

I couldn’t move fast but at least I tried, it was then that I tripped over the fuckin coffee table and twisted my ankle. I knew there would be no way I could leave here now.

“I hate you Skinner.”

He totally ignored me as he pulled me back up from the floor, he then just shoved me back down on to the couch.

“Sit the fuck there, I don’t want or need any of this shit, just behave yourself until Mulder gets here and he can deal with you.”

“I don’t want to see him; shit Skinner you can’t make me see him either.”

I tried getting back up once again, only to be met with Skinners hand as he pushed me back down. Shit then the bastard pulled off his own tie, before I realized what was happening he had my hands tied together.

“You fuckin bastard just let me go right now.”

“Alex pack it in for fucks sake, I’m keeping you here until Mulder arrives as you need help. Where the fuck do you think you’d go, or how far do you even think you’d get Alex?”

“Far enough, plus you’re the one who’s sick by keeping me here.”

“Alex you’re not listening are you, you’re sick and really need to get some help before you self-destruct.”

“Fuck you.”

“Right that’s it, you can stay sat there until Mulder manages to get here.”

Right now I hated Skinner more than I thought possible.

XXXXXXXXXX

“I’d gone back to work and just got on with it, nothing was ever mentioned about New Year’s Day just as Skinner had promised. I’d arrived at work to find Skinner wasn’t in his office today, apparently he’d had some family emergency to deal with out of the blue. That was why I wondered what Skinner was ringing me for, especially if it was an emergency.

“Sir I thought you were away on family business?”

“Something like that Agent Mulder, but however something came up and I made a detour. To be honest I’d just wanted to see if my cabin had survived winter, also I wanted to invite you over.”

“I can’t Sir as I’m working at the moment on that case from before, anyway did your cabin manage to survive winter then.”

“Yeah as apparently I had a house guest, look Mulder can you just get yourself over here straight away please.”

“Why what’s so urgent Sir?”

“Shit my house guest is no other than Alex Krycek himself.”

I felt like I’d been punched full on in the stomach, was this really happening right now.

“How is he Sir?”

“Do you want me to be honest with you Agent Mulder?”

“Yeah of course I do Sir.”

“I’d say he’s being here all along by the look of the place, at the moment he’s sat on the couch with his hands tied.”

“Is that really wise Sir when he’s ill?”

“Believe me he’s kicking and spiting like some wild animal, he’s also claiming that I’m to just let him go.”

“Does he even want to see me Sir?”

“No Agent Mulder, but to be honest he’s being rather stubborn about everything.”

“It might make him worse if I turn up then, especially if he doesn’t even want to see me.”

“Don’t you dare back out now Agent Mulder, hold on while I move in to a different room.”

I grabbed my jacket and car keys while I waited.

“Right Agent Mulder I just didn’t want to talk in front of Alex, I think that he also sprained his ankle when he tried running from me.”

“Which ankle Sir.”

“His right one, oh and he’s also still limping with his left one.”

“Well I’m guessing that he won’t get far then, that’s if he was stupid enough to try.”

“I think he’s learnt the hard way about running away from me, but there’s also one other problem Agent Mulder.”

“What’s that Sir?”

“I’d say that the hospital was right and he’s severely depressed, I believe that’s why he doesn’t want to see reason at all. Also he’s a mess too, shit his body’s covered in old and new cuts.”

“So he’s being cutting himself then, the hospital said it was a way of releasing the pain he was feeling.”

“Yeah well in my opinion he needs to be back in a hospital and fast, that or he’ll end up killing himself.”

“I’m on my way now Sir, it might take a couple of hours before I can get there though.”

“Yeah okay it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“Thanks for all of this Sir.”

  
I drove as fast as I dare without killing myself or some other innocent driver, I finally had Alex back in my life. Okay maybe he wasn’t fully back in my life, I just hoped that we could now get him the help he was so badly in need of.

XXXXXXXXXX

 

I still couldn’t believe Skinner had called Fox, especially after I’d just spent so many months trying to stay away from him. Now I had to put up with him just sat in the chair and staring at me, well I sure as hell hope he doesn’t expect me to actually talk to him.

Shit I really had to get as far away from here as I possibly could, shame I didn’t have a fuckin clue how I’d pull it off though. Well at least Skinner was also giving me the silent treatment which suited me fine, I just couldn’t stand how he looked at me like I was just some dumb pathetic creature.

It was some time later that I heard a car pull up outside, finally Skinner decided to fuck off and leave me the hell alone. The next face I saw was one I thought I’d never see again in my life, or wanted to see for that matter.

“Alex please look at me babe.”

I looked up to see Fox knelt there in front of me, I really couldn’t handle this at all and knew I was falling apart.

“Fox why did you come?”

“Because I love you Alex and I’ve been so worried about you, shit Alex you never even bothered to tell me where you were.”

“Because I didn’t want you to know Fox, its far better this way believe me.”

“It’s not better at all Alex, how the hell can you even say that after what we went through. I received one letter, shit and that wasn’t even a letter was it?”

God I really couldn’t handle this at all, I felt so much love for him and didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

“Yeah I sent you a cheque Fox, it was payment for the hospital and all the other money that I cost you.”

“Shit Alex it was me who paid you that money, I love you and wanted you to have some independence.”

Fuck no this couldn’t be true; I’d just paid Fox back with his own fuckin money. There never was a benefactor or anyone else for that matter, shit no one other than Fox had cared about me at all. That was just more reason why I owed it to him to be free, he had to realize that this was all for the best in the end.

“Can’t you see it Fox that I’m totally worthless, can’t you just turn around and go back home?”

“I’m not leaving here without you Alex.”

Fox took hold of my hands and held them in his own, it was then that he turned my hands over and saw the cuts.

“Shit Alex what did you do too yourself, can’t you understand that it hurts so much to see you like this? All I want is for you to accept that you need help, I just want to be able to see you well again.”

“You’ll help me Fox if you just let me go.”

“I can’t do that Alex and you know I can’t.”

“Well I’m not leaving here with you Fox.”

“Well I’m not leaving here without you, please Alex can’t we just call some sort of truce until you’re well again.”

“Fox just accept that I don’t need your help or anyone’s help for that matter.”

“Yeah right, maybe you should wake up and look in the fuckin mirror Alex. Shit I forgot there isn’t one as according to Skinner you smashed it. Is that what you used to cut yourself with, your also under weight and suffering from severe depression.”

“I don’t need you or anyone, just fuck off Fox and leave me alone.”

“Have it your way Alex.”

“Don’t worry I will.”

“Alex Krycek I’m arresting you for breaking and entering.”

Fox must really have lost the plot somewhere along the line, so he was willing to play dirty then if I refused.

“I’m not moving Fox.”

“Skinner can you come here Sir, I want your help to put Alex in to my car.”

Right now he was really starting to piss me off, Skinner just walked over to the couch and picked me up. Shit then he took me outside and dumped me on the backseat of Fox’s car and I was unable to do anything about it.

  
XXXXXXXXXX  
“Hey what do you know Fox, it’s just like old times and history repeating its self.”

“Shut the fuck up right now, I’m sick of always trying to do things the nice way.”

I handed Walter back his tie and thanked him, Alex looked hopeful until I replaced the tie with my cuffs. I made sure that he was safe on the backseat then got in, it was time to take him back to the hospital once more.

“Shit it’s not like I can escape Fox.”

“Alex we’re going to drive back to the hospital, you can walk in there willingly or I’ll have you committed.”

“I can’t go back there, I left there because I was going mad.”

“That wasn’t the only reason was it Alex?”

“What do you mean?”

“Because you were already getting out, you were supposed to be coming to live with me Alex. Shit more fool me I guess for believing you in the first place.”

I couldn’t work out whether Alex hated me or not, but I knew that I was hurting so much inside. He looked so vulnerable and in need of comfort and help, yet here I was afraid to even touch him.

“Alex I promised that I’ll help you and I will, I just don’t understand why you stopped taking the medication.”

“Because I don’t need it and I’m as sane as you are Fox. Actually you can forget that I said that last bit, your totally fuckin insane and you know it.”

“So you still have that humorous side I see.”

I could tell that the drive back was going to be a long one, I also had Skinner following behind in his own car.

“Alex why do you want to hurt me so much. I really thought that you loved me and wanted to be with me, hell you even taught me how to love.”

“I do love you Fox, don’t you understand that was why I had to get away and leave you behind.”

“Alex I don’t understand babe, but you’re sick and in need of medical help.”

“Whatever Fox, hell if that’s what you think drop me off right here then.”

“I’m not even bothering anymore.”

So Alex claimed he loved me but had to leave, as much as I love him I seemed unable to figure him out anymore. I thought I’d just try and ignore him for most of the way, I was just hurting inside so much. I felt like the last few months had been all for nothing.

“Alex I need to know if you’ll go back to the hospital willingly.”

“Why what does it matter to you either way?”

“Because I fuckin love you so much, why can’t you just understand that Alex.”

“Love! Yeah really after everything that you did to me.”

“Jesus Alex that was the fuckin past, look can you sit there and tell me that you hate me?”

I looked in the rear view mirror and saw him put his head down, so now I had to wonder just what was going through that head of his.

“Alex why do we have to have all this shit then?”

“Why couldn’t you have just left me in the past Fox?”  
“I’ve been searching for months for you Alex, then I finally find you just so you can push me away. You look like shit and can’t carry on like this, look at your arms and what you’ve done to them Alex.”

 

I had no choice but to pull over, the tears were streaming down my face and I was unable to drive anymore.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t understand why Fox was slowing down and pulling over, shit then all I could hear was him sobbing. I’d being so cruel to him so he’d just let me go, yet I was destroying him in front of my own eyes.

“Fox please don’t cry, god I never meant to hurt you like this.”

“Well it’s too fucking late now Alex.”

It was then that I noticed Skinner open the driver’s door and look in.

“How come you stopped, oh shit are you okay Agent Mulder?”

“I can’t do this, just get him the hell out of my car right now.”

“Do you want me to drive him to the hospital?”

“I don’t care anymore Sir, please just get him out.”

“Fine go to the hospital and wait for me there Mulder.”

I sat there as Skinner opened the rear door, he then just grabbed hold of me by the arm and pulled me out. Great he never even spoke to me as he forced me into his own car, he then just got in and drove off like nothing had happened

“Look I really don’t care what you think of me Alex, however I’m not asking you anymore what you want.”

“Gee thanks.”

“I’m taking you to the hospital, I’m also going to demand that they have you committed. You need help and need to accept that fact, also you need to sort things out with Agent Mulder.”

“I tried to let him go, shit why the fuck do you think I left him and disappeared.”

“Why Alex if you claim that you love him?”

“I do love him and always have so don’t ever question that, I left because he deserves to have a better life than playing nurse to me.”

“Don’t you think that’s his choice to make, he was managing to do it okay before.”

“You don’t understand or know anything that went on between us, Fox would just want to stay out of guilt and nothing more.”

“Shit is that what you really think it is, he loves you so much yet you don’t see it.”

“Did Fox ever tell you what happened between us, what he did too me?”

“He’s told me some of it yes, also he only felt guilty that he’d fallen in love with someone who should hate him.”

“Why can’t anyone understand that he’s better off without me, that I’m doing all of this for him.”

“You keep telling yourself that Alex, you might end up actually believing it one day.”

“Yeah or if I’m lucky people might actually listen, then possibly even believe me.”

The rest of the journey was made in silence, not that it bothered me at all and I preferred it this way. How had I been so stupid to stay that long, in all fairness I hadn’t expected Skinner until summer. But no typical Skinner, he’d had to come early so he could check the place out.

I’d fallen asleep on and off as I was exhausted now, also the journey passed quicker. All I’d wanted was for Fox to hold me in his arms once more, but I had to remain strong for Fox and myself. Soon we were pulling up outside the hospital, Skinner parked up then pulled me out of his car.

“Right Alex so what’s it to be?”

“You can go and fuck yourself Skinner.”

“Right just move now.”

We walked into the hospital and was met by a nurse, one of the same who had treat me months ago.

“Can I help you Sir?”

“I’m Assistant Director Walter Skinner of the F.B.I, I’m ordering that this man be committed, I also want him watched at all times.”

XXXXXXXXXX


	20. Chapter 20

I’d got there and had just sat waiting, well that was until I heard Skinners voice. So it appeared that Alex had still come here unwillingly, Skinner had to use his authority and try and have Alex committed. Skinner seemed to be managing to deal with it all rather well, I decided I’d just hang back and see how it played out.

“Very well Sir, first we will have to have him examined by a Doctor and take it from there. We have to have grounds to commit someone, so I’m sorry it will be the Doctors decision.” 

“Look that’s fine as I want him to be checked over by a Doctor, you’ll have his records here from before it’s Alex Krycek.”

“I thought I recognized him, right do you want to take him into that room there please.”  
“Very well but I have to return to work, please tell Agent Mulder the outcome as he’ll be remaining here.”

“Will he be remaining here as an Agent or a partner?”

“Both until Alex is stable, right Agent Mulder come over here as I have to leave now.”

I walked fully into the room that would be Alex’s, all I got was a cold stare before he turned his head away. Skinner was on his way out and then stopped, he then spoke really quiet so only I could hear.

“Go easy Agent Mulder as he’s doing it for you, he doesn’t want you to waste your life as his nurse.”

Well Skinner must have got Alex to open up somewhat, why couldn’t he just see how much I wanted to be with him. However it was the man in question who suddenly got my attention.

“I want him out of here first then I’ll get undressed.”

“Accept it Alex as I’m here to stay.”

“You always were a stubborn bastard Mulder.”

“I’m glad you noticed, now just do as the nurse tells you Alex.”

“Please Mr Krycek can you put the gown on and wait for the Doctor.”

I could tell that Alex was reluctant to undress in front of me, finally I could understand his reasons.

“For fucks sake Alex what have you done?”

I was left with no choice but to leave the room, the sight of his body made me want to throw up. It wasn’t just his arms that sported new cuts, his whole body was covered in them.

Jesus why had he done that to himself, shit then I remembered the results from his earlier tests. He was bipolar, the depression had become so bad that he was physically hurting himself. He’d also gone months without any medication at all, maybe things might be different once they get him back on them.

I knew that I’d have to go back in the room soon, I was just unsure whether I could even look at Alex now. It wasn’t disgust that was making me feel like this, it was pity that I felt and I knew that would be the last thing he would want. Alex would need all my strength and help to see him through this, also he would have to accept me.

Maybe he might even see me differently one he was receiving treatment, I guess only time would tell now. It was just a shame that we’d already lost so many months together, it was also a time that had allowed his illness to become far worse.

I was just so glad that Skinner found him when he did, otherwise Alex might have run again or have ended his life. I tried to get myself together, then I turned and re-entered the room once more.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great now I had Fox looking at me like I was scum, I couldn’t believe he’d just stood there and watched me strip in front of him. I now watched as he re-entered the room with the Doctor, shit I knew this was where I was going to get the lecture of everyone.

“Good afternoon Alex I’m pleased to meet you, by the way I’m Dr Taylor. We still have the report that was done before you left here, basically we’ll be looking to see if anything’s changed. I gather from the nurse that you disappeared before the report was finalized, is that correct?”

“Yeah that’s right.”

“Right okay don’t worry too much as I can fill you in. I’ll start with the physical side of the report; we had determined that with physio your left leg would have had a slight limp. As for your left arm, well there wasn’t too much we could do about that I’m afraid.

It just means we’d train your brain to make it respond, but you’d have to give it the orders. Basically your brain wouldn’t be able to do it on its own, you’d have to relay the messages yourself. 

It may sound complicated but believe me it’s not, especially once we’ve shown you how to do it. Are you managing to understand me so far, physically you could be nearly back to normal?”

“Yeah if you say so.”

I sat on the bed while the Doctor examined my right ankle, which now appeared to have swollen really bad.

“Okay getting around might be hard at first, it appears that you’ve suffered a very severe sprain. We wouldn’t be able to start physio until that fully heals, you will have to go back to using a chair or a cane I’m afraid.”

“Yeah okay so can I leave now?”

“Alex you’re suffering from severe depression; you’ve also physically abused yourself more than once. First we’ll need to get you back on to the medication, then we will just take it one day at a time and see how it goes.”

“Yeah okay very good, but all I want to know is when I get to leave here?”

“Alex you’re going to be here with us for the foreseeable future, it’s going to take months to get you well again.”

“You can’t keep me here, I’ll just go and leave again.”

“You were here as a normal patient, brought here by Fox Mulder. I’m sorry Alex but this time it won’t be the same.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It is in my professional opinion that you are to be committed here, you will remain until the time I see fit to let you leave.”

“You’ve got to be fuckin joking?”

“No I’m afraid I’m not, you’re a severe risk to yourself if you leave here.”

“You can’t keep me here.”

“Alex I will have you sedated if it comes to that, that or have you restrained it’s up to you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Look Mr Skinner has made it clear that you’re to stay if that’s what I decide, if not he will be coming here to arrest you.”

“What the fuck for now?”

“He was going to arrest you for breaking and entering.”

“You can’t be fuckin serious.”

“He was doing it to keep you safe, he’s even supplied an Agent to keep watch over you.”

“What Agent?”

“Agent Mulder here will be watching over you.”

“I would rather be in prison then.”

Great I guess I was going to be stuck here for ages now and was pissed off, in the end they just sedated me anyway until I calmed down.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex seemed so determined to get out of here, I could see that I would have to keep an eye on him at all times. I watched as the Doctor examined his battered body, shit Alex had been given a second chance at life after his coma but was in self-destruct mode. I guess it would be up to me then to make sure he lived it, I just sat there watching him as he finally gave in and fell asleep.

It was the first time in months that I’d even got to touch him, I just stood there and gently stroked his cheek as he slept. I loved him so much and just prayed he loved me too, I bent down and kissed him on his soft gorgeous lips.

I then traced my thumb over some of the scars, god he had so many of them now. His arms had suffered the worst of the abuse, I stood there wondering what he’d been thinking when he did it. Alex must have felt so low to even do that, shit and the pain he must have caused himself because he ran away.

Skinner had said that Alex left because of me, he’d thought I deserved a far better life than this. Did Alex also not realize that he also deserved a better life too, he’d already been through so much in his life time? It hurt to think how close we’d come to him trying to leave here, now it was just like been back at square one once more.

I pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down, I knew I was going to be here for some time. To be honest I’d only be leaving if he was sedated, that way at least he’d still be here when I got back.

Soon the Doctor came back in to the room, they were setting up a drip to administer Alex’s meds to him. They were also planning to keep the sedatives topped up too, that way hopefully he would be able to get some rest.

Along with all that they were also treating him for the depression, then a nurse came and fitted him with a catheter. It was then I realized the Doctor was actually watching me.

“How are you holding up Agent Mulder?”

“I’m fine, I guess that I’m just worried I say the wrong thing to him, the last thing I want to do is make him worse than he already is. Shit I guess it’s hard when all you want to do is shake some sense into him.”

“That’s perfectly understandable Agent Mulder, was you aware that Alex was seeing a physiatrist before he left here?”

“No he’d never mentioned it to me at all.”

“We still have the reports here, the main thing Alex wanted was to please you Agent Mulder.”

“But he did please me so much.”

“Things can manifest in many different ways; every person perceives things differently. You just bite your tongue and treat him gently, don’t get me wrong as that can be good and work for a lot of patients. However to Alex he feels your been gentle because he’s different and you don’t care anymore, he needs some sort of order and discipline in his life. I’m afraid it’s his nature and makes him the person he is, which I’m sure you don’t want to change too much.”

“So do you have any suggestions then Doctor?”

“Don’t ask Alex to take his meds, or ask him to behave and ask him to do it because you love him. Demand and tell him that he has to take his meds and do things, you might just find that it works better for him.”

“I just don’t want to be too hard, shit Alex has spent most of his life taking orders from someone or other.”

“That’s why it might just work now, it’s what he’s been used to most of his life. Due to the brain injury he can’t cope too well with change, once he’s well we’ll be able to work on all of his negative feelings. For now though we must give him what he personally sees as normal.”

“Yeah I guess that makes sense.”

Great now I knew where Alex got his sexual preferences from, that’s why it had turned him on when I’d drugged and abused him, now I felt even sicker than before.

XXXXXXXXXX

I slowly drifted awake to find Fox sat there next to the bed, god he just looked so sad and fed up at the moment.

“Hey Alex how are you doing?”

“I feel sick, what the fuck have they done to me?”

“Try not to worry too much Alex as it will be the medication.”

“Great why the hell couldn’t you have just left.”

Suddenly Fox was stood up and looming over me, he then gently stroked my neck with his long fingers.

“Alex you’re staying here so get used to it, it’s not a request but a fuckin order. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t say much more as he pressed his fingers against my Adams apple, fuck he could still turn me on no matter what. I couldn’t read the look he had in his eyes, whether he was turned on or disgusted by the fact that it turned me on.

“Alex do you still want to be on your own?”

“I don’t know what I want any more Fox.”

“Well fine I’ll tell you then what’s going to happen, so you had better be listening and paying attention Alex.”

“Yeah I’m listening.”

“Like I said you’ll stay here for as long as it takes to get better, you will also take whatever medication they give you.”

Fox used his thumb to wipe the tears away, did this mean that he still cared and wanted to be with me.

“I’m staying so get that into that head of yours. I could sleep every night in bed beside you, or I can just sit outside your room every night. However that’s one choice that I will let you make, if in a few months you want to be alone we’ll just deal with it then and not now.”

“Fox I’m not worth the hassle, just take a long good fuckin look at me. Shit I’m fucked up physically and mentally so just leave.”

“You won’t even give us or yourself a chance Alex, that’s why we’re going to be doing it my way now.”

“Fox please.”

“No I don’t want to hear any more bullshit from you, just wise up and grow up Alex.”

“Please Fox just listen to me.”

“I’ll give you some time alone to think about it, I’ll be outside should you need me Alex.”

Shit with that Fox just left and I was alone once more, why did I have to be so fucked up. I’d been told that it would take a few weeks for the meds to kick in, basically I was just stuck here like this.

I still wanted Fox so much, yet a big part of me still thought it was wrong. He deserved a life that he couldn’t have if he stayed with me, all I knew was that I couldn’t stand this pain for much longer.

I never called him that first night or even asked for him, I was hoping that he might just give up on me. Not Fox though, the stubborn bastard had just slept out there on a chair all night.

He kept that up for the whole week, however I was stubborn too and refused to let him in or even talk to him. The Doctor had said that my ankle was improving really well, soon I would be allowed to get out of the bed and try moving around.

Then I knew I’d have to go through all the physio once again, that and a few trips to see the physiatrist just in case I was mad. By week two I was starting to feel really guilty, I knew deep down I was behaving like a complete bastard. 

XXXXXXXXXX

It had been a really long week and I’d not left the hospital once, Skinner had claimed that I was here on an official level and brought me some clean suits.

I’d slept in the chair literally sat up all night, I’d only go take a shower or anything when I knew Alex was sedated. Apart from that I’d only made it to the coffee machine, for food I’d mainly just lived on sandwiches and cold food as I had no appetite anyway.

I refused to see Alex, I’d already told him I’d be here if he wanted me or needed me. Yet Alex had never once in that time asked to see me, according to the nurses he kept asking if I was still waiting outside. I suppose that was far better than nothing at all, well it was the best I was going to get regardless of my opinion.

It was the start of the second week before anything changed at all, it was the early hours of the morning when I heard the bang from his room. I wasted no time at all entering the room, there I found Alex collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Without any thought at all I scooped him up in my arms, I then managed to lay him down on the bed once more. Within minutes there was a Doctor in the room checking him over, it appeared that he was okay and hadn’t hurt himself when he hit the floor.

They’d tried talking to him and asking him what he was doing, however Alex being who he was just glared coldly and refused to answer them.  
However soon everyone had given up and left the room, so now it was just Alex and myself.

“Alex please at least say something to me.”

“What do you want me to say Fox?”

“What you were trying to do would be a good start, also whether you’re going to even acknowledge that I’m here.”

“I’m well aware that you are here Fox, I’m also well aware that you never left too.”

“Yeah that’s me, you see I can be just as stubborn as you if I want to be.”

“Yeah right’ you’re far worse than I am.”

“That still doesn’t answer the question though Alex.”

“I was just trying to see if I could stand alone okay, I just lost my balance that was all so don’t panic Fox.”

“Why do you have to push yourself all the time?”

“Because I was, oh it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Yes it does, please Alex tell me why you do it.”

“I was trying to do it for you, okay are you fuckin happy now Fox!”

“Jesus Alex, you don’t have to prove anything at all to me.”

“Yeah right, I was trying to prove that I was worth bothering with that’s all.”

“God Alex of course you’re worth it, you’ve just been through so much and have to stop thinking like that.”

“Fox do you still love me at all?” 

“Alex I never stopped loving you babe, you just got it into your head that you had to leave.”

“I’m so sorry for everything Fox.”

Well this was an improvement and he was letting me in the room now, also he was starting to open up somewhat. I just wasn’t too sure how long it would last, I sat there just watching and observing him.

I’d noticed that Alex was very jittery and nervous around me, shit had I done something recently to make him this way. They had said that he would need discipline, Alex was craving how I used to treat him before all of this.

Shit did I also crave for the Alex I used to know, the one that I could hurt and abuse all the time. God the sheer thought of that made me feel sick, could we actually make a go of a normal relationship together, finally I decided they could be questions that we could answer on another day.  
For now I’d just take what I could get, that was Alex talking to me and allowing me near him again.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Fox was watching me as I could just sense it, I just wondered what that brilliant mind of his was thinking. Fox claimed that he loved me, but here I was wondering if that was really true at all. He hadn’t even attempted to touch me or come near me in the last week, well apart from picking me up off the floor earlier on.

“Alex please talk to me, just tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

“You wouldn’t want to know Fox.”

“Try me then.”

“I think you realized I like it when your bossing me around, shit this isn’t coming out right at all.”

“You think I’ll look at you different, like you’re some pathetic weird person…”

“Yeah something like that.”

“Well I don’t Alex, it’s normal to want someone to tell you what to do, especially if it helps you in the long run. Some people need discipline all their lives, but it has to be done right and safely.” 

“You really don’t think there’s anything wrong with me then in that respect?”

“If there is they’d better have me committed here too then, I’m not that much different from you Alex. I guess you like to be disciplined and I like to be the one in charge, the one who dishes it out.”

“So we’re just as bad as each other then?”

“Yeah it appears so, but we need to have a normal relationship too Alex.”

“I don’t know if I’m capable of having one Fox.”

“Alex if it’s what you really want, well we could just have a weekend away every month or something.”

“That sounds like a dirty weekend Fox.”

“Yeah a weekend where we can let go, just be how we want to be together.”

“That would be good, I’d like that Fox.”

“You have to understand one thing though, there would be a few rules if I agree to it.”

“Rules like what?”

“No drugs or anything that could result in permanent injury.”

“Yeah I can live with that.”

  
I’d not expected anything like that from Fox, he was willing to give me one of the things I craved so much.

“Alex the rest of the time it has to be a normal relationship, I won’t let anything come between you and your health do you understand?”

“Yeah I’d like that Fox, also I’d enjoy making love to you again too.”

“Okay we can talk some more later though, you need to get some rest babe.”

I was starting to feel really tired now, but all I wanted was to watch Fox for a bit longer. It just felt like I’d been alone forever, now I lay here with him so close to me.

I remembered how he’d said he would only stay if I asked him to, well we’d just agreed to having a relationship together so I expected him to stay. Yet suddenly he stood up and kissed me on the forehead, then Fox turned and just walked over to the door.

I couldn’t stop myself as the tears came, I’d just wanted him to stay here with me and thought he was going to but not now. Suddenly I started to feel all alone again despite everything he’d just said.


	21. Chapter 21

  
I stopped by the door, shit I could hear that Alex was crying once more

“Fox please.”

“Hey Alex what’s the matter? I thought you were pleased with the idea of us been together.”

“So why are you leaving then Fox, if you really wanted me you’d stay here with me now?”

“Shit Alex if that’s what you want, hell of course I’ll stay here with you. I just didn’t want to be too presumptuous, you might have wanted to be alone for all I knew.”

“Fine I’m sorry for crying like a big baby, also Fox will you please stay with me tonight.”

“God of course I want to stay here with you tonight Alex.”

“Well I sort of meant every night.”

“Yeah I’d like that too Alex.”

“Will you just come and hold me Fox?”

I stripped down to my underwear and pulled the covers back and lay beside Alex. Now I was the one who was like a big baby, tears flowed down my cheeks and on to his hair as I held him.

“God I’ve missed you so much Alex, I thought I’d never get to hold you again like this.”

“I know and I’m so sorry Fox, I just thought you’d get over me and move on.”

“You became my life in such a short time, without you Alex I have no life so please understand that.”

“I do understand Fox but it was hard for me too, I didn’t want to leave but thought it was best for you.”

“No Alex believe me it wasn’t best for me, I searched for months Alex and still don’t know how you did it.”

“Did what?”

“Stay away, if I’d known where you were I would have come. Yet you knew exactly where I was and managed to stay away, I just don’t understand how you did it.”

“Fox you overlook something, shit I wanted to come to you and beg you to take me back, but I didn’t want to hurt you. That was why I went where I did, don’t you see I couldn’t have come back even if I’d wanted to.”

“How come, I’m sure if you really wanted too?”

“Fox I knew I’d give in and come back, so I went somewhere that I’d be unable to leave. I got a cab there and made sure I left the phone behind. Fox due to my leg I couldn’t leave or go anywhere, also I had no phone to call for a cab.”

“Shit Alex what if something had happened to you, who would have helped you?”  
“No one Fox because that was how I wanted it, the only help I would need was from myself anyway.”

“So you spent all that time alone, hell even Christmas.”

“Yeah it was hard but I had no choice, I spent most of the time drunk anyway.”

” Yeah I heard about that from Skinner, he said you’d drank all his expensive whisky while you were there.”

“Yeah I also ate all his chocolates too, shit I bet he hates me even more now.”

“No Alex he actually wanted to help you especially when he realized just how ill you really were.”

“Yeah totally fucked up.”

“Hey just don’t run out on me this time, we’ll get you back well between the two of us.”

“Thank you Fox for understanding everything.”

“Right just go to sleep now Alex, it will do you some good babe.”

“Okay I love you Fox.”

“Believe me, I love you too Alex now and always.”

XXXXXXXXXX

When I woke I was scared to even open my eyes in case I’d dreamt it all, when I finally managed to look Fox was still there beside me. I moved as close to him as possible while he put his arm around me.

“I’m scared Fox.”

“Why Alex? I’m here for you now.”

“What if I blow it though, what if I can’t cope when you have to go away again?”

“Just take one step at a time Alex, as for work that’s okay as I’ve just taken some time off.”

“How long Fox?”

“I’ve taken a couple of months off, I intend to stay here with you and help if I can. Hey by the end of it you’ll be sick of the sight of me, you’ll be begging me to go back to work.”

“I doubt it.”

“You taught me so much Alex, believe me I have no intention of leaving you again. You just have to accept a few things that’s all.”

“Yeah I know I can be a stubborn bastard Fox; I don’t need anyone to tell me that.”

“Yeah but one day it’ll be the death of you Alex, just because you’re too stubborn to admit anything. Shit some things you won’t erven admit too yourself.”

“Hey lay it on thick why not!”

I knew that Fox was right as usual, yet here I was just trying to make a joke of it all.

“You have to be honest to yourself and me Alex, you also need to be honest in every aspect of your life. Firstly, you need to accept that there’s something wrong with you, at least you’ll then be able to learn to deal with it.”

I had to admit all my own faults to myself, great where the hell would I even start. There was no way that I could go there or I’d feel unworthy of having Fox, then I might just end up running away again.

“Fox I can’t do it.”

“Okay just don’t push yourself, just start with one thing and work on that. Okay I’ll tell you what, how about you start with that leg as it’s a good a place as any.”

Yeah that sounded easy enough, maybe Fox was right and I should start there. I’d been having a physiotherapist come and help me every day, I’d already managed to stand and walk better.

“Yeah okay Fox, that sounds okay also it’s something that I can admit to.”

“Yeah and you’ve being doing really well Alex, you also need to accept that you’ll be on medication for years to come.”

Jesus no I wasn’t ready to accept that, that would mean admitting that I was mentally ill.

“Fox can we please just work on my leg for now?”

“Of course we can, eventually Alex I also want you to be honest about us. What you exactly expect to get out of this relationship, I mean every little thing too.”

I knew what he meant and what he was asking, he wanted me to tell him if I wanted him to punish me like he did before. I was afraid to ask him for things like that, yet he was also so afraid of hurting me anymore.

“I’m open to many things Fox; I guess I just want all that you’re willing to give me. Okay except maybe the drugs and the other shit, I’m sure we’ll be able to manage without them don’t you.”

“Yeah I’m sure there’s plenty of safe ways out there Alex.”

Maybe this time we might just make a go of things, I guess anything would be an improvement on last time.

XXXXXXXXXX

I really wanted to believe we’d make a go of it, well that was as long as Alex didn’t keep running away from me and everything else. The next few weeks were to be tough on Alex, I’d already been warned that things might make him become even more depressed. He could also be rather argumentative at times, especially if he was having a bad day.

I’d woke and felt fine, however today was going to be one of the worst days we’d had for some time. I had to admit that Alex had been pushed a lot, also his walking had greatly improved over the past few weeks.

Now had come the time to work on his arm, it just hung there like it was a fake arm or something. I felt so sorry for him but Alex wouldn’t listen as usual, he still didn’t want to admit that he had a problem.

I really didn’t want to do this, to be the one who had to spell it out to him. Yet I just felt like I hadn’t a choice in the matter, especially if we were to move on in life together.

They’d warned me about how his treatment was going, it turned out he was having severe problems with this part of his physiotherapy. They said that a Doctor could come and talk to Alex, yet I just felt it would be far better if it came from me.

I knew that I’d be able to handle Alex better, a nurse would find it hard if he lost it and lashed out. I also knew I’d have to try and pick my time right, Alex was a very volatile sensitive person deep down. His attitude was becoming worse as each day went by, I knew the time had come to shatter part of his dreams.

How do you tell someone that kind of news, he was only going to have the use of one hand for the rest of his life? We’d got up just like we had on any other day, Alex had gone to see the physiotherapist about his leg.

Meanwhile I’d gone to warn the nurse that I was going to tell him today as he had to know, they told me they could sedate him if he became really violent.

I’d expected some anger from Alex, I believed that would be a part of his acceptance. He had to work it all out of his system and accept it for what it is. I had to admit that his walking had become far better, it was hardly noticeable to anyone who didn’t know him.

Alex had also managed to gain a bit more weight too, also a lot more strength than what he’d had when he’d arrived here. I noticed him coming along the corridor looking so gorgeous and happy, it made me realize just how cruel life really can be at times. I held out my hand to him and waited, soon he held my hand within his own.

“Alex can we talk babe.”

“That sounds a bit ominous Fox, what’s the problem now?”

“Alex are you always so pessimistic, you always seem to presume the worst.”  
“That’s because that’s normally all I get in life; will you just answer me one question though first?”

“Of course I will if I can.”

“Fox are you planning to leave me?”

“No of course not, shit Alex what made you think it might be that?”

“Nothing in particular, I guess I just wanted to be sure that’s all Fox.”

“Come on then let’s go inside the room, after we talk I’ll see if they’ll let you go out for a few hours later on. Maybe we can find something to do, or somewhere to go.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Why was I starting to get a bad feeling about all of this, it was just the way that Fox was behaving around me I guess. We walked into the room and I sat down on the couch, Fox followed and sat down next to me.

“Alex they’ve made another report regarding your current health, they want to be able to let you leave here in a few days that’s all.”

“Shit what that soon? Nobody’s said anything about it to me Fox.”

“Because they were waiting for all the results.”

“So come on then Fox out with it, just get it over with and tell me the results.”

“Alex the staff are really pleased with how you’ve come on, you can walk so well now without the use of the chair or cane.”

“Yeah I’ll have to admit its good to get around without having to use something all the time, hey and you can’t moan at me either Fox, at least I’m still taking all my medication.”

“Yeah you are, I’m really pleased about that Alex and hope you carry on taking them.”

“Yeah I intend to so don’t worry, so what’s this really all about then Fox.”

“Shit Alex they wanted to tell you, but I thought you might handle it better coming from me.”

“Right you’re really starting to piss me off now, for fucks sake can’t you just spit it out Fox.”

“Fine, it’s about your arm Alex.”

“Yeah I know it seems to be taking ages to get it sorted out, I guess that I’m just going to have to work even harder.”

“Right Alex I’m just going to give it to you straight, you won’t be able to use your left arm ever again babe, I’m so sorry.”

I sat there trying to comprehend what he was saying to me, I then just looked at my own left arm hung by my side useless. Suddenly it felt so alien to me now, it was like it wasn’t even part of me anymore. God I felt so sick and knew it was my own fault, I’d done all of this to myself.

“Alex please talk to me, come on I’m here for you babe.”

“Just go away Fox as I don’t want you here anymore.”

“Alex please don’t do this, not now when we were doing so well.”

“What do you expect me to say, shit it’s not you that has to live with it Fox.”

“No but I’m the fuckin cause of it all Alex.”

“How the fuck do you work that one out?”

“Because of what I did to you Alex, shit I started you off with all the fuckin drugs.”

“Just get over yourself Fox.”

I got up and pushed Fox out of my way as I went past him, all I wanted was to get away from here and away from him.

“Please Alex can’t we just talk?”

I never even stopped to look back as I headed towards the gardens, once there I found a bench in the corner and sat down. All I needed more than anything was some time to myself, just some time to think about everything.

Why the fuck would Fox even want me now when I was pathetic like this, I just couldn’t figure out what the hell had gone wrong with my arm. After the accident I’d been doing so well and had movement in that arm, maybe Fox knew the reason why, not that I’d hung around long enough to ask him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I swear to god here and now, there was no way I was going to let Alex get away this time. I looked around and found him sat alone on a bench, it was as I got close I could hear him sobbing. Shit now I wondered if I did the right thing by telling him about it, but then I also knew it was wrong to let him keep on hoping and pushing himself.

“Alex please talk to me.”

“I’m not really good company at the moment Fox, I guess I just need to be alone for a while to sort my head out.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea Alex?”

“Yeah I’m sure, there is one thing I need to know though Fox.”

“What’s that?”

“I’d started using my arm after the accident, so I need to know what the hell went wrong?”

“It doesn’t matter right now Alex.”

“Don’t you see Fox, shit to me it does fuckin matter. I can’t deal with it if I don’t know, hell maybe I can’t deal with it even if I do know either.”

“Alex at the end of the day it all comes back down to me.”

“You tell me Fox or it’s over.”

I went and knelt down in front of him, then I took hold of both of his hands in mine.

“Fine I’ll tell you Alex, you might not like the answer though.”

I pulled the sleeve up on his top and exposed his left arm, I then traced the scar that ran from the top to his wrist. Alex tried to pull away, however I kept a tight grip and refused to let him go.

“It was me; I did this to myself didn’t I Fox?”

“God I’m sorry Alex but you had to know.”

“Why are you sorry Fox? I was the one that took that glass and cut my arm wide open.”

“But I was the one who kidnapped you and drugged you, how can you sit there and say I had no part in this Alex?”

“For fucks sake I’m a grown man, the second time around was my choice and mine only.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t kidnaped me something else would have happened, I could have ended up in a gutter or something.”

“Do you really believe that Alex?”

“Who knows Fox, maybe life had it planned all along. Shit maybe it was destiny, Alex Krycek would lose his left arm one way or another.”

“Alex you don’t mean any of that.”

“Maybe it’s the only way I can make any sense of it all, also the only way I’ll ever manage to deal with it all Fox.”

“Yeah I can understand that Alex, do you want to come back inside now and we can talk?”

“No I just want to stay out here for a bit, I just need to get a few things straight in my head that’s all.”

“Okay just come in when you’re ready to talk.”

“Can you stay out here with me Fox, even for just a short time please?”

“Of course I’ll stay Alex.”

To be honest I still expected Alex to run away, so I was far more than happy to sit out here with him.

XXXXXXXXXX

My life sometimes scared the hell out of me, I’d fucked up far more than should be possible for one man alone. I just couldn’t decide if I deserved it all, or if I deserved some sort of happiness in my life. Then I had to stop and think whether Fox could really be happy in life, shit with me who’s nothing more than a fuckin cripple. Hell could I even be happy knowing what I was, could I ever even get used to not using my left arm at all.

It just seems so strange to think my life turned out this way, however my time with Fox had been the best of all. I knew it must have sounded really corny, yet I’d never been truly happy until the day I met him.

“Fox can we go back inside now; it’s just starting to get a bit cold out here now?”

“Yeah of course we can babe.”

We walked back indoors and very soon someone came to check up on me, at least they accepted that I was fine and had just needed some space alone. I then noticed that Fox was over in one corner of the room, he appeared to be having a conversation with one of the nurses.

“Alex how do you fancy getting out of here for a few hours?”

“Are you for real, hell where would we even go?”

“I thought we could go and grab something to eat, but only if you really feel up to it?”

“Yeah I’d love that Fox.”

“Go grab a quick shower and change then.”

I went and turned the shower on and the water just felt so relaxing, I could have just stayed here under the warm water for hours. Then I remembered Fox and his plans, he really did appear to want to be with me despite everything. Yet for some reason I just wanted to keep on pushing him away, was a life alone better than a life with Fox?

What a stupid fuckin question that was there was no comparison whatsoever and never would be. I had to accept life for what it was and stop running all the time, I had someone who actually wanted me for a change.

Once I’d showered, shaved and brushed my teeth I was done in here. I grabbed a pair of black jeans and a white tee shirt, shit I just had to hope Fox wasn’t planning anything special.

“Are you ready yet Babe?”

“Yeah as long as casual dress is okay, it’s not like I have anything else here Fox anyway. I guess I really don’t own much of anything really.”

“You look gorgeous and sexy Alex, come on let’s get out of here and go have some fun. Oh and once you move in we can go clothes shopping Babe.”

“Yeah okay Fox I can’t wait.”

“Hey you don’t sound too happy about that idea Alex, don’t you like the idea of going shopping with me?”

“I hate shopping it’s just so boring, who knows I guess it might be fun with you Fox.”  
“Yeah I’m sure I could entertain you, there would be plenty of changing rooms that I could amuse you in.”

“Your minds in the gutter as usual Fox.”

“Hey you said that you loved my mind.”

“I do Fox along with everything else about you, you’re so perfect and that’s why it hurts.”

“Why what hurts Alex?”

“It hurts to try and understand why you want me, I’m nothing special at all Fox.”

“To me you’re special Alex, you mean everything to me.”

XXXXXXXXXX


	22. Chapter 22

I couldn’t understand what Alex thought was special about me, most people thought that I was anything but special. Half of the F.B.I would have me locked up if they had a choice, to them I was just some cuckoo Agent. At least Alex had always respected me when we were partners, yet back then I’d never even noticed.

I love Alex and want to give him everything. Maybe if I’d seen him properly years ago, well we could have been good together right from the start. I assured the nurse that I’d got all the medication Alex would need, not that I’d said anything to Alex yet with regards to my plans. I went and grabbed my car keys then I also grabbed Alex by the hand.

“Come on are you ready yet Babe?”

“Yeah I’m ready Fox, come on let’s get out of here.”

We went to my car and got in, Alex had actually managed to get in without any help at all. I’d decided to not be to overbearing, I’d just let him learn his own way to do things. We just spent the next couple of hours driving, then I finally pulled off the road and into a small car park. I could tell that Alex was rather nervous and kept looking around.

“Come on Alex we’re here now.”

“Where are we Fox, obviously I can tell it’s a beach and the sea’s there. I guess I just thought we’d end up at your place, you know maybe some quick sex and something to eat.”

“You disappoint me Alex, do you really think that’s all I want from you?”

“I’m sorry Fox, it’s just hard to believe anyone could want me for anything else.”

“Alex believe me if we never had sex again I’d still want you.”

“Do you really mean that Fox, you actually want to be seen outside with me?” 

”Alex come with me.”

I took him inside an old fashioned guest house, I then took him to a room that would be ours for the night. The room had dim lighting and looked very romantic, there was also a red rose on the bed. I picked it up and turned towards Alex, the man I loved and wanted so much.

“Alex I love you and want to prove it, I want to show you that I’m not afraid to be seen with you at all. I want it to be like this always, well once you move in with me that is.”

“You mean it don’t you?”

“Alex will you stay here with me tonight?”

“God of course I will Fox, by the way do the hospital know about all of this.”

“Yeah so don’t you worry about it, they thought it would be good to see how we cope just the two of us.”

I put my hands around him and hugged him, I could feel the tears through my thin shirt but I chose to remain silent about his emotional state.

“Come on I thought we could go for a walk along the beach, then you’ll know that I’m not afraid to be seen with you Alex.”

“Shit Fox it will be freezing at this time of night.”

"Alex I thought you were part Russian babe.”

“Yeah well I haven’t been there for a long time, shit I feel the cold now Fox.”

“Come on I’ve got something for you.”

I led Alex back to my car, I then popped the trunk and pulled out a jacket.

“Try this on babe.”

Now Alex looked all sexy in the black leather jacket, just like the Alex that I knew and loved.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was totally speechless as he held out the jacket for me, it looked just like my old one and made me feel special.

“I don’t know what to say Fox.”

“You don’t have to say anything Alex, I just hope that you really like it.”

“God of course I do, thanks’ lover it means a lot to me.”

Fox put my left arm into the sleeve followed by my right, he then pulled it on and fastened it up for me. When he was finally done he pulled me towards him, he then proceeded to give me a long passionate kiss.

“Come on Alex lets go for a walk Babe.”

Fox held out his hand and I took it, we then spent the next couple of hours together on the beach. I guess I’d spent way too long just stuck indoors, the cool air against my skin was like heaven and so refreshing.

I was fast becoming tired though as my body wasn’t used to all of this, Fox took one look at me and knew straight away.

“Alex you look exhausted, come on we’ll grab a coffee and fries to go.”   
We walked to the nearest café, I just sat down while Fox went and ordered.

“Alex do you want to stay here, or we can always go and find a seat somewhere.”

“I’d prefer to be outdoors in the fresh air, that’s if you don’t mind Fox.”

“Of course not, come on then.”

I followed Fox back outside and went to find a seat, Fox carried the coffee and fries for us both. Soon we found a seat that faced out towards the sea, I’d be willing to give all this up and just run away again. Yeah I’d considered just running away and hiding from it all, yet I looked at Fox and knew I couldn’t be without him at all.

The coffee felt good against my cold hand, the night air was now rolling in across the sea bringing freezing temperatures. I couldn’t help but shudder, I guess I’d got used to the indoors and the artificial heat.

“Hey come on Alex it’s getting cold now, I think we should be heading back now don’t you babe.”

“Yeah it is cold now.”

“I’ll warm you up Alex once we’re back inside the room.”

“I’ll hold you to that Fox.”

Soon we were on the way back to our room, Fox made a quick detour back to the car and grabbed two small bags.

“Do you want to grab a shower Alex, that way you can warm up while I unpack the bags?”

“Yeah sounds good.”

I went into the bathroom turned on the shower and got in, it wasn’t long at all before I had company. Fox was soon undressed and joining me in the shower.

“You’re gorgeous Alex do you know that.”

“I don’t know where you’re looking Fox.”

“Alex to me you’re perfect, I know you don’t think so because of your arm.”

“I hate only having one usable arm, shit sometimes I just want to put them around you Fox. I want to be able to hug you and hold you close to me.”

“Hey don’t cry babe, I’d rather be held with one arm than none at all. I’m just glad that you’re here Alex to hold me when I need you, or to be held when you need me.”Suddenly the tears became even faster, now I realized just how lucky I was.

XXXXXXXXXX

I held Alex close to me and then washed him along with myself, I also noticed the water was turning cold.

“Come on let’s get out, the water’s starting to turn cold now babe.”

I led Alex back into the bedroom, he then looked around and noticed the candles and soft music.

“What’s all this for Fox?”

“I’ve got a bottle of champagne too, I just wanted tonight to be special for you Alex.”

“Thank you I’m sure it will be special Fox, well I have you so actually I know it will be special.”

“Alex I want to make love to you babe, that’s if you want me to?”

“God yes, of course I do lover.”

“Come on then let’s get into bed and I’ll warm you up a bit.”

I pushed Alex down onto the bed and started kissing him, god the man was such a turn on when he was highly aroused. I licked his nipples and slowly sucked them into my mouth, it wasn’t long before they became hard little buds standing to attention.

Soon I was kissing him along his stomach and then lower still, then I became level with his groin and his rock hard cock. In one swift motion I had him deep within my mouth, he lay there moaning in pleasure.

“Fox please, oh god I need to come lover.”

I totally ignored him and just carried on with what I was doing, it didn’t take me long to work one of my fingers into his tight ass.

“Fuck keep that up Fox and I will come sooner than planned.”

“That’s the general idea babe, however that won’t be until I’m deep inside you.”

I reached under the pillow and pulled out the lube, once I covered two more of my fingers I was ready. I slowly inserted them deep inside Alex, I worked them in a scissor motion until I was sure he was fully stretched and ready for me.

I grabbed a pillow and shoved it under his backside, then I positioned my cock at his tight entrance. Within one push I was sheathed within the heat of him, I worked in and out knowing that I myself would be coming real soon.   
I could feel myself reaching my own climax, Alex was also extremely close too judging by the noises he was making.

I leant forward and grabbed hold of his cock and started jerking him off, it wasn’t long before he came all over my hand and his stomach. As Alex came he tightened his ass muscles forcing me to come too.   
Afterwards I collapsed on top of him, god now I was totally wiped out.

“Jesus Fox I can’t move now.”

“You’re not the only one Alex believe me, but we’ll be stuck together soon if we don’t.”

“Yeah true lover.”

I got up off the bed and went to get a warm cloth, then I went back to the bedroom and cleaned us both up. I then got into bed and held him in my arms, Alex was my soulmate and my life now.

However, after five minutes I sat back up, I then grabbed the bottle of champagne and two glasses.

“Come on Alex let’s celebrate babe.”

“What are we celebrating Fox?”

“Me, you and the future together as lovers. The fact that we’re still together despite all the odds seemed to be stacked against us.”

“Yeah that sounds good Fox, I’m just thankful that I didn’t manage to succeed and kill myself.”

“Believe me I’m glad you didn’t succeed either.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot Fox; I think I can cope more with the loss of my arm because I have you. I’m not alone in this world anymore and it means a lot.”

“That’s the way I plan on keeping it too Alex, come on we need to get some sleep Babe.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Fox have they said when I can fully leave the hospital?”

“If all goes well here tonight, well they reckon that you could be allowed to leave at the weekend. However, you do realize that there will be some conditions, you’ll have to agree to them all first Alex.”

“What conditions Fox? Nobody has told me anything about it.”

“Nothing too major so don’t start worrying, basically that you’ll have someone to live with and that you’ll take all your meds Babe.”

“You really do want me don’t you Fox? I mean like seven days a week. Fox are you sure that you won’t just get fed up with me?”

“Alex calm down and of course I want you, I can’t wait until it’s just the two of us.”

“Me either.”

My eyes were becoming heavy and I was exhausted now, I knew I’d be asleep before I even knew it. I guess I didn’t want this night to end, it just felt so perfect here with my lover.

Yet the next moment morning had come already, yet I woke to find myself in the bed all alone. I just lay there trying to see if I could hear anything, it was then that I realized the shower was running. Soon Fox returned wearing just a towel around his lower half, his hair was stuck up all over the place and he looked as sexy as hell.

“Fox when do we have to go back?”

“Very soon, why what’s up?”

“I guess that I just like it here, me and you alone.”

“Hey just a few more days and then it will be the same every day.”

“Yeah true, I guess I’m just worried that something goes wrong.”

“Alex what is it that you think might go wrong?”

“Me, shit Fox you know I’m going to have problems for the rest of my life.”

“Alex you really have to stop thinking that way, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life severely depressed.”

“I know and I’m sorry Fox.”

“Alex you don’t have to be sorry for anything, you can have pretty much a normal life from now on. If you ever do slip I’ll be here for you, here to help you whenever you need me Babe.”

“Thank you Fox, god I love you so much it’s hard to put it in to words lover.”

“I love you too Alex so don’t you ever forget that.”

“Fox can we make love before we leave here?”

“Of course, I’d love that more than anything Babe.”

I watched as Fox removed the towel and came over to the bed, the man was so fuckin hot and all mine.

“Come on Fox lay on your stomach, it’s just easier that way for me lover.”   
Fox lay on his stomach while I grabbed the lube, I then put a pillow under him so his ass was in the air. I put plenty of lube on his ass also plenty on my cock too, I guess that I wanted him to feel this for some time as I entered him without pausing at all. He was so tight and I felt like I was in heaven.

“Fuck me harder Alex.”

“Fox I’m making love to you, so you’ll have to just be patient lover.”

I plunged my cock in and out of his hot tight ass, I knew I wouldn’t last long as Fox was such a turn on. Soon I couldn’t hold back any longer as I came deep inside him, within minutes Fox had also come all over the sheet.

XXXXXXXXXX

We drove back to the hospital in a really good mood, I just had to convince Alex that he’d be leaving here permanently soon enough. Also there was the fact I’d been off work for a few months now, I’d just have to decide when I was planning on going back. Part of me didn’t want to return and do all that again, then I was also worried what I’d do if I didn’t go back.

I was wondering if maybe Skinner would let me go back part-time, that or just days only. I wasn’t ready to leave Alex all night at the moment, I remembered last time and how he had gone and disappeared. I knew some things would need to be sorted out soon, preferably before Alex left the hospital. 

Also, I would have to think of something that Alex could do too once he left, otherwise he’d be seriously bored in no time at all. Maybe there might be a job that he could do at the F.B.I, I’d have to look into all of this and real soon.

“Alex can I leave you here, it’s just I have to go and sort a few things out that’s all.”

“Such as?”

“I need to go and sort my apartment out and make room for you, I wouldn’t be gone for more than a couple of hours?”

“Fine I guess I’ll be okay here then.”

I felt rather guilty because I knew that Alex really didn’t want to be here alone, it would be easier this way though and I had to hope he understood. I drove back to my apartment and had to face the mess it had become, I now had the tedious job of cleaning it all up once again.

I kept thinking about last night and knew it was worth it, not that the cleaning took as long as I thought it would, maybe I should call and see Skinner on the way back. It didn’t take long to find him in his office as usual, I only had to wait a couple of minutes before he could see me.

"How are things going Sir?”

“Fine here, how about you Agent Mulder?”

“Yeah okay, technically I’m not an Agent at present Sir.”

“You’re not planning on resigning are you Mulder?”

“No why?”

“So you’re an Agent then, I take it you’ve no idea when you're returning then?”

“No Sir, Alex will be moving in with me in a couple of days and it will be good to have him out of the hospital. Once he’s settled I’ll think about returning, I also have to think of something that he can do too.”

“Have you any ideas at all Agent Mulder?”

“No not yet, he’s very intelligent though and will have to do something, if not he’ll end up going mad.”

"Very well, can you just make sure you stay in touch this time?”

“Yes Sir, there was also another reason I came to see you Sir.”

“What’s that Agent Mulder?”

“I came to give you some money for the cabin, you know for all the stuff that Alex used while he was there.”

“Keep your money Agent Mulder, they were just material things and of no importance. The main concern was Alex and his safety.”

“Thank you Sir, he’s already lost the use of his left arm because of what he did.”

Well at least Skinner was understanding, I guess it was now time to go back and see Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

It felt strange coming back here again, one night away and I hadn’t wanted to come back at all. Now I was starting to feel really lonely and bored, also this place reminded me of the failure that I had become. I knew that Fox would be back soon and all I had to do was wait.

There would come a time soon enough when he’d return back to work, I also knew that deep down I was dreading that day arriving. Maybe I should find something to do before that day comes.

There was also something else that I wanted to ask Fox first, he might not like the idea of a holiday but it was worth trying. Well technically it wasn’t a holiday and I had my reasons for wanting to go. It wasn’t something I’d planned to mention just yet, I wanted us to both be settled and happy first. It was then that Fox came up behind me and kissed my neck

“You look miles away Babe; every thing’s okay I hope.”

“Yeah I was just thinking about last night that’s all, how I can’t wait until I move in with you Fox.”

“Me too Babe, I’ve also got some good news for you Alex.”

“You’re going to make love to me?”

“Well eventually, but that wasn’t the good news.”

“Go on then spill the beans.”

“I’ve been talking to the Doctor Alex, he said that there’s no reason to keep you here now.”

“What so I can just leave now?”

“Well I was thinking more along the lines of tomorrow, it's late now Babe and I really need to go to bed.”

“Hey Fox I’m up for that, plus I suppose we’ll have to pack up everything here too.”

“Yeah we can do it all tomorrow Alex, then we can go to the apartment and also think about getting some shopping.”

“Yeah I also need to see a few people first.”

“Alex who do you need to see what's so important?”

“I have a few people out there that owe me money, I’m not putting on you all the time Fox.”

“Hey I’m not without money, I have more than enough for us both Babe.”

“That’s not the point.”

“I don’t want you mixing with the consortium or anyone like that.”

“Fox what do you take me for?”

“So I just don’t see why my money isn’t good enough for you.”

"Think about it Fox, shit where the fuck did you get most of your money from?”

“Shit I never thought about it Babe, you don’t want to spend my money because it came from my father.”

“Yeah your father, the man I killed Fox.”

“I do have my own money too Alex, I haven’t even touched the money that was his.”

“That’s still not the point Fox, also the person I want to see has nothing to do with Spender.”

“As long as you’re sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine; you worry about things far too much lover.”

“I just don’t want to see you getting into any trouble Babe.”

“Fox I’m not planning to do anything illegal, come on let’s just go to bed now as I’m tired too.”

I guess there were a few secrets I’d have to share with my lover, especially if I wanted to keep him and make this work.

XXXXXXXXXXX


	23. Chapter 23

God I’d have to lighten up on Alex and learn to trust him a bit more, I was just afraid I’d fuck up and lose him again. It’s hard to believe just how far we’d come, I’d once threatened to paralyze him for life and look how cruel life had been to him.

I’d do whatever it took to make sure he was safe, just without him finding out about it that’s all. We soon got into bed, yet after a while I realized that Alex was far quieter than he normally was.

“Hey Alex are you asleep Babe?” 

“No why?”

“What are you thinking about Babe, it’s just you’re so quiet that’s all?”

“I was just thinking about us Fox; I guess I’m scared about everything.”

“Alex you have to learn to talk to me more and tell me what scares you, I’m here for you Alex and I always will be. You have to learn that you can tell me anything at all Babe.”

“I’m scared that you won’t always be there, it’s easy to say it to someone Fox but things can change. What if you start to look at me as your father’s murderer and not your lover?”

“Alex it will never happen Babe, every time I think of my father, well all I have to is think about what he did to so many innocent people. You did the world a favour Alex as he was a monster so try and remember that.”

“Do you really mean that Fox?”

“Of course I do so come on get some sleep, we’re going to have a really busy day tomorrow as it is.”

I held Alex in my arms until he finally fell asleep, then I lay there and started thinking about everything. My opinion of my father had changed dramatically over the past year, I also knew that I could never blame Alex for what he’d done. I gathered it would take a lot of hard work to make him believe me, he had to accept that I loved him and he was now my life.

I would also have to learn to trust his judgement, otherwise Alex would never listen or believe anything I said. I guess the hardest would be the consortium and his involvement as it had been his life, deep down I was also worried where he planned to get this money from, I had to trust that he’d tell me as soon as he felt ready to do so.

The Doctor had said he could leave the hospital, anything they could do now could be done as an outpatient. He would be having a check-up every three months along with some progress tests, they also believed that he’d need the medication for the rest of his life, without it he would become severely depressed and unstable.

From what Alex had said it was as if he already had doubts about us, he had got it into his head that one day I’d just stop loving him.

“Fox go to sleep.”

“Hey I thought that you were asleep Babe.”

“You keep fidgeting Fox, so that means you're awake and thinking about something.”

“Hey that’s not fair, I might have just been having a dream for all you know.”

“Fox when you’re asleep and fidget, well let’s just say that you also talk too. That’s how I knew you was still awake and thinking.”

“What you mean I talk most of the time when I’m asleep?”

“Yeah and especially if something’s on your mind.”

Great now I fell asleep wondering what the hell I talked about while I was asleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke feeling a bit apprehensive despite the talk we’d had the previous night, I guess it was because everything was happening so fast. Once we were both up it didn’t take long to pack, we even double checked everywhere to be sure.

Finally, the Doctor came to do his rounds, basically he explained what Fox had already told me. I was to make sure I took my meds every single day, I also had to make sure I turned up for every appointment. Fox assured them that he’d make sure that I did both, I was sure that he would too and make sure I knew if I forgot.

We said our goodbyes and thanked all the staff at the hospital, it was then that we were finally on our way to Fox’s apartment. The same apartment that he claimed was my home too now, it was our home for both of us. I told Fox I’d accept it as ours when I contributed to the bills, I knew he was really worried about where I was getting the money from.

“Alex you have to accept it as your home too, just do what you want whenever you want okay?”

“Yeah I’ll just need a couple of days to get my head sorted out, then I have a few things to do. Great I’d like you to come with me, but I’ll really understand if you have to return to work.”

“I’ve already told Skinner that I’m not going back just yet.”

“Good I’d like you to be here with me for a while.”

“Come on then we’d better get your stuff unpacked.”

Well I knew this wasn’t going to take long, all I had to my name was the stuff Fox had bought for me. A few items of clothing along with a few other bits and pieces, well it took all of five minutes to unpack and have it all put away.

“Hey Alex do you fancy a Chinese or something?”

“Yeah sounds good lover.”

“I thought we could stay in, maybe just have a take away and watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah I’m easy.”

We got settled and Fox ordered the food, he then went through his movies and shoved a video in the player.

“Sorry but I don’t have a lot of choice, well it was either this alien movie or a porn one.”

“Yeah wise choice lover.”

We both sat on the couch and started watching the movie, however the next thing I knew Fox was waking me up.

“Wake up sleepy head, come on foods here and it's time to eat.”

“Well it sure as hell smells good Fox.”

We both ate in silence as we watched the rest of the movie, I had to admit that I was feeling extremely tired now.

“Come on Alex it’s time to go to bed.”

“Shit I’m sorry for falling asleep on you.”

“I’ll let you off this time, however I expect far better in the future Babe.”

Fox pulled me up and slapped me on the backside.

“Come on move it Alex.”

“Yeah I’m moving Fox; hell you make it sound like I ditched you.”

“Yeah you ditched me like someone’s bad date Alex.”

All of a sudden I was filled with good memories from when we were partners, back before it had all gone to hell.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t help but notice the look on Alex’s face, He knew exactly what the reference was from and what it meant. The hospital had warned me that he would need to use his brain a lot, basically he would need stimulation and input from any source. That was originally why I’d decided on a movie, also if I made small remarks it gave him something to think about.

“Very funny Fox, I’m sure that I said that to you once.”

“Yeah Grissom's sleep clinic, you’d only been my partner for five minutes.”

“Yeah then you went and ditched me like I was just someone’s bad date.”

“Yeah if only I’d known back then how good you are in bed.”

“Yeah right you’d still have ditched me, to think that I believed in you back then.”

“Hey does that mean you don’t believe in me anymore?”

“Yeah I believe in you Fox, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here now.”

“Good well you can believe me when I tell you that you need some sleep.”

“Yeah I get the point Lover.”

We washed up and were soon in bed, I then held Alex in my arms as I did every night. There had been times I’d be afraid to even go to sleep, I still expected to wake up one day and find him gone again. 

In the past Alex was always good at just disappearing, I guess that I’d have to accept that Alex would never be that same man again. He’d already proved that there was more to him, far more than what I’d accused him of been before.

“Fox have we got anything planned for tomorrow?”

“I thought we could spend the day shopping, that’s if you feel up to it.”

“Yeah that’s not the problem Fox.”

“Hey we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“Fox I haven’t got any money yet.”

“I have money so you can stop worrying Babe.”

“Yeah but it’s not right.”

“Fine if it makes you happy I’ll keep all the receipts, that way you’ll be able to pay me back when you do have money.”

“Yeah I like that idea Fox, despite what you think I will be paying you back.”

“Yeah okay.”

I knew at the moment there was no point arguing with him, he was stubborn and believed that everything should be equal. I kissed him on the top of his head.

“God I love you Alex, I hope you know that Babe?”

All I heard was the soft gentle snoring, okay I guess that I’m just talking to myself then. Either everything had caught up with Alex, that or the stronger meds they’d given him. The hospital had asked me to keep an eye on Alex, I was to let them know straight away if there were any major changes. There was always the chance that Alex’s body would adjust to the medication, which meant he might end up needed an even higher dose.

I knew that I would have my work cut out for me, sometimes Alex could be really moody and behave irrational. Even before the accident he could be a temperamental son of a bitch, but he was mine and I loved him no matter what.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe I’d fallen asleep on Fox yet again, however at least I now felt refreshed and wide awake. There beside me he lay fast asleep, I couldn’t help but lay there for a while just watching him. Who would have ever believed that he’d end up been mine, or even end up wanting me.

I climbed out of bed quietly so not to wake him, I then went and grabbed a quick shower. I’d made myself rock hard just by watching Fox sleep, it left me with very little choice but to jerk off in the shower. When I went back to the bedroom Fox was still fast asleep, I crawled down the bed until I was level with his groin. 

The minute I took his cock in my mouth it turned hard, it wasn’t long before I had him moaning and coming in my mouth. Once I’d licked him clean I crawled back up the bed, I then lay beside him and kissed him on the lips.

“God Alex I couldn’t think of a better way to be woke up, do you want me to return the favour Babe?”

“No I already jerked off in the shower.”

What the hell did you do that for Alex?”

“Because you were fast asleep Fox and I was hard, shit watching you sleep even turns me on Lover.”

“Alex next time just wake me up Babe.”

“What and you won’t moan at me!”

“God of course I won’t.”

“Come on then I thought we were going shopping today?”

“Yeah we’d better get you some clothes of your own I suppose.”

I dressed and made coffee while Fox was in the shower, shit my cock twitched at the thought of him in there naked. No I really didn’t need to think like that right now, I tried to take my mind off him and just get on with making the coffee.

I really wasn’t looking forward to shopping, god why did it have to be such a boring tedious job. It would literally take five minutes if I did it on my own, when it came to fashion my wardrobe was very simple and basic.

I knew that there was also something else bothering me, I’d have to get used to Fox doing all the driving yet again. On top of that I’d be going out without a fuckin gun.

“You look miles away Alex.”

“Fox will you be taking your gun with you?”

“Alex we’re going clothes shopping you know; I’m not planning on robbing a bank while we’re out.”

“I guess I like to know that I can protect myself should the need arise.”

“You’ll be safe with me so stop worrying.”

I finished drinking my coffee and grabbed my shoes, soon we were finally both ready to go shopping. Fox drove erratically like we were in a hurry or something, hell maybe he thought that we were. We finally parked in a car park outside a giant shopping centre, I was starting to feel really nervous about this now.

“Come on Alex you’ll enjoy yourself.”

“Fox how the hell do people enjoy shopping?”

“Stop moaning Babe, after this we also need to go food shopping too.”

“Great I can’t wait.”

We hadn’t even got out of the car and I was already bored, well I guess I had no choice but to go shopping.

XXXXXXXXXX

His face was such a picture; I could tell that Alex really didn’t want to be here at all. I dragged him into the nearest clothes shop I soon found the men’s section and started looking through the racks. 

“Alex do you want to try a couple of pairs of jeans on?”

“Whatever, just grab some stuff and I’ll go try it on.”

I grabbed a couple of pairs of jeans in black and then a couple of white tee shirts, the man was as gorgeous as hell in tight black jeans. While we were here he’d also need some casual clothes too, I then found a couple of checked shirts and some pants. I went to get some underwear for him but I could see he was getting pissed off now, I’d have to get things moving and fast.

“Alex can you try some of these on now?”

“Yeah I guess so, come on pass them here then.”

“Make sure you do try them on Alex, don’t you dare just pretend to do it.”

“Great I hated this when I had two working arms, I’ll tell you what Fox you can come and make sure I try them on.”

“Well I suppose at least that way I’ll know they do actually fit.”

“Yeah well can you just hurry up then?”

I followed Alex into the small changing room, then I handed him a pair of black jeans to try on first.

I watched him as he struggled to undress, the man was gorgeous no matter what he wore or how he’d suffered. He pulled on the extremely tight black jeans and god what a backside he had, a backside that I got to fuck whenever I wanted. 

Sometimes we wanted to just fuck and have it rough, other times we would take it slow and make love to each other. Right now though I was rock hard just watching his cute ass, once he was sure they fit he pulled them back off.

“Jesus you don’t leave much for the imagination Alex; god I could fuck you right now Babe.”

“Yeah Fox and it shows, I can’t believe you're hard again lover.”

“Alex anyone would be hard if they were watching you.”

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of you Fox.”

“What the fuck!”

Shit I was unable to even say anymore; Alex was now bent down on the floor in front of me. He soon had my jeans unfastened and my cock pulled out.

“Alex you can’t do that here.”

“You’ll just have to be quiet lover.”

Fuck his mouth felt amazing as he sucked me off, he sucked me hard and then started playing with my balls. I could feel them become tight and knew I was going to come soon.

  
I grabbed Alex by the hair with one hand, the other hand I shoved in my mouth to stifle the noise I made as I came. Alex made sure I was fully clean before refastening my jeans, he then just started putting his own jeans back on.

“Come on Fox let’s go and pay.”

“Please tell me you’re joking; you don’t really expect me to move do you?”

“Yes so come on lover, you know how much I hate shopping.”

“Fine I’m moving.”

I felt totally wiped out but forced myself to move.


	24. Chapter 24

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I don’t think Fox had been expecting that, I pulled him up and grabbed the clothes we were going to buy.

“Come on Fox get up.”

“Fine have we got everything you need Alex?”

“I’ve got all I need and more, can we just go and pay now?”

Fox walked over to the checkout to pay, I just browsed the rails and was bored just waiting for him. I felt like I was the luckiest man alive as he walked towards me, great now I was starting to get really turned on.

“Alex come with me Babe.”

“Why where are we going now?”

“To have a look at some suits, you never know when you might end up needing one.”

“Fox I don’t wear suits unless I really have to, the last time I wore one I was still your partner at the bureau.”

“Fine you can just humour me then.”

“Fox I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“They make fitted suits here Fox, they have to measure you up for them.”

“Yeah Alex I’m well aware of that fact, so I still don’t see why it’s a problem.”

“You I look at you and you turn me on, for fucks sake Fox just use your head will you?”

“Oh shit you mean your hard right now?”

“Yeah Fox, jeez the penny finally dropped.”

Fox grabbed a pair of trousers that were nearby, he then told the assistant that he wanted to try them on. He then pulled me into the changing room with him, within seconds he had my jeans open and my cock released.

“Fox someone might hear us.”

“For fucks sake Alex you just did it to me.”

“Shit I know but I’m not as quiet as you are Lover.”

“Well you had better learn fast then, I’m giving you a blow job regardless of the noise you make.”

“Shit Fox please…”

Fox was deadly serious as he took my cock into his warm mouth, he soon worked up a rhythm and as usual I started moaning. He just pushed me down onto the seat and carried on, shit was he really expecting me to be quiet if I were sat down or something.

“Jesus Fox I need to come so bad.”

Shit Fox totally ignored me and just carried on, while there I was starting to make even more noise. The next thing I knew Fox was reaching his hand up, he then clamped it tight over my mouth. It felt like Fox was the one that was totally in charge once more, shit it was then that I couldn’t hold back any longer and came, to silence myself I just bit down not thinking.

I heard Fox moan but was too far gone to listen, also I was totally past caring anymore as I was like jelly now.

“Fuck Alex you have some sharp teeth Babe.”

I looked at the teeth marks I’d left on his hand; shit I hadn’t meant to bite Fox that hard.

“Sorry Lover.”

“Hey it was worth it any day Babe.”

XXXXXXXXXX

My hand hurt like hell but I didn’t care, I’d noticed in the past that Alex could be very vocal when it came to sex.

“Fox can we please just go home now?”

“No not yet I’m afraid.”

I dragged Alex into the Armani store where all my suits came from, with a body like that he deserved the best of everything. I sat down and watched while they worked on measuring Alex up, it was amazing just how nervous and young he could look.

Once they’d finished measuring him we were shown colours, Alex picked out a lovely shade of blue. We were told it would be ready in just a few days, I also asked them to include a matching shirt and tie that would complement him.

“You better still have all the receipts Fox.”

“Yeah whatever Alex.”

“Fox I mean it.”

I knew that Alex was proud and wanted to pay his own way, but he just had to realize that money wasn’t a problem.

“Alex we can just sort out the money some other time.”

“Yeah as long as we do, I need to discuss a few things with you Fox at some point.”

Great now I was left wondering just what Alex wanted to talk to me about, I knew there were a few things he would need to tell me and sort out.

“Alex didn’t you have anywhere or any place where you kept your stuff?”

“Fox I kept everything I owned inside my car.”

“When I went to Rhode Island there was no car there Alex.”

“Yeah I know; it was stolen along with every single thing I owned.”

“So you were left with nothing then?”

“Pretty much why? Is it because you don’t think I’ll pay you back Fox?”

“Alex you can lose the aggressive tone with me.”

I could see the anger flash in his eyes, yes Alex still had a bad temper when he felt upset or threatened.

“What fuckin aggressive tone?”

“That aggressive tone, Alex you mean far more to me than any amount of money.”

“I’m sorry Fox I didn’t realize I was being aggressive, but I will pay you back though.”

“Yeah I know you will Babe, you have to accept that I love you and like buying you things.”

“I guess I’m just not used to all this attention, my whole life and there was only one person who paid me any attention at all.”

“Who was that Babe?”

“My Mother but that was many years ago.”

“Do you miss her Alex?”

“Yeah but there was no going back Fox, I made my bed and now I have to lay in it.”

“You could always go and see her again, explain why you did whatever it was.”

“Maybe I might do that; do you fancy a trip to Russia Fox?”

“Yeah why not as we deserve a holiday, it would do us good to have a few days together away from here.”

“You mean it don’t you Fox.”

Alex looked so surprised that I was willing to go with him, well there was no way at all I’d let him go on his own.

XXXXXXXXX

Maybe Fox was right and I should go back, even if it was just to check she was okay.

“Alex you don’t have to make a decision right now, come on Babe let’s just go and grab some shopping shall we.”

We drove to a large supermarket, shit it had been years since I’d been inside one and bought proper food. My food had always consisted of take away and motel food.

“Fox do you even know how to cook? You just don’t look the type that’s all.”

“Thanks I look like a certain type do I?”

“Well I guess your career for one doesn’t help, every time I always watched you it was take away or pizza.”

“What did you watch me a lot of the time then?”

“Fox I’ve had cameras set up in your apartment in the past, they were just for personal use so don’t worry. I liked watching you Fox, god you were such a turn on and I wanted you so much Lover.”

“Yeah and you finally got me Alex, oh shit and I did….”

“Shut up Fox it’s all in the past now, look at us as were perfect together in so many ways.”

“Yeah sometimes it’s hard especially after how I treat you in the past.”

“Fox I can take a certain amount of pain you know, it just hurt more because it was you doing it.”

“I know and I can’t forgive myself for that.”

“Fox it’s like the butterfly effect, change just one thing and we might not be here together today.”

“Yeah I suppose your right and I couldn’t imagine life without you now.”

“See so if you hadn’t got yourself suspended for two weeks, well I guess you wouldn’t have come home early and caught me there.”

“Yeah so I guess some good came out of me misbehaving then.”

“Yeah as long as you don’t put yourself in situations again like that Fox, otherwise I might be the one punishing you.”

“Sounds kinky, so Alex how would you punish me?”

“If it was something minor I’d perhaps just put you over my knee Lover.”

I could see the look of confusion in his gorgeous eyes, Fox never could take a punishment and he preferred to dish it out rather than take it.

“Don’t worry Fox I’d make sure you enjoyed it, well somewhat anyway.”

“Okay so what if I did something more severe then?”

“Fox if you put yourself in danger or risked your life, well then I’d have to refuse you any form of sex for a while.”

“That’s a bit harsh don’t you think, depriving me like that for a few days.”

“Fox it would be for at least a month Lover.”

“Ha you wouldn’t even last that long Alex.”

“Fox I said that you’d be punished not me, don’t worry I’d still make love to you, but you on the other hand would be wearing a cock ring.”

“That’s a bit drastic.”

“Fox losing you would be far more drastic, I don’t want to end up without you and alone again.”

I just wanted Fox to be safe when he returned to work, I didn’t want to spend every night wondering if he’d even come home.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex had a valid point, I also had to wonder what he’d do now with all his free time. I guess that would be something we could discuss later on at home. We were to spend the next two hours in the supermarket, Alex was behaving like a kid that had just entered a candy store. Well I’d say by the look of things the take away was out, he was busy adding lots of fresh fruit and vegetables to the cart.

I had to admit that the beef steaks looked really good, hey along with the chocolate ice cream he decided to throw in too.

“Alex I think we’ve got enough to last a few weeks now Babe, come on I think it’s time we called it a day and went home I’m tired now.”

“Stop moaning Fox, we still need to go and pay for it then pack it all.”

“What joy I can’t wait, Alex…”

“What Fox?”

“As we’re both tired can we just order a take away for tonight?”

“Fox you had better be joking Lover.”

“Actually I was dead serious.”

“We have enough food here to feed an army, yet here you are wanting to order a takeaway.”

“Alex it’s nearly five now and we’ve just spent most of the day shopping.”

“Your point is what? So we have a busy day and that gives you an excuse to eat junk food.”

Okay I was going to have to admit that we did have some differences, as long as it was nothing major I’m sure we’d work through it.

“You’ve spent too long in hospital being well fed Babe.”

“Fox I spent the first few months on a liquid diet, so tonight we are having steak with potatoes and vegetables.”

“I’m sorry Babe, yeah it sounds really good but who’s cooking it?”

“Tell you what Fox, I’ll do the cooking while you clean the place up a bit.”

“Yeah okay I guess that’s fair.”

“Then afterwards we can both do the kitchen together, that way it will get done far quicker so we can sit down.”

“Yeah that all sounds good, Alex do you even know how to cook?”

“Yes Fox I can cook.”

God this shopping idea was a right pain, we filled the trolley just to get it all back out. I had a headache just thinking about it all, as soon we had to put it back in the trolley and then into the car. After all that we’d have to get it back out of the car and then put it all away.

“Jesus I hope we don’t have to do this often Babe.”

“Only about once a month or so stop moaning about it will you, you can also put that lip of yours away as it’s turning me on.”

I then deliberately stuck my lip out at him.

“Fox unless you want me to fuck you here in this car park behave yourself.”

“Fine I’ll be good until tonight.”

I helped Alex fill the car with all the shopping, he amazed me just how much he could do one-handed. We worked well together and soon had it all done, once we finally got it all in the kitchen I collapsed on the couch.

“Don’t you be getting too comfortable there Fox.”

“God I need just five minutes Babe.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Poor Fox are you tired?”

“Yeah I just need a strong coffee and some food.”

“Come on then sit in the kitchen and I’ll make you a coffee Lover.”

I made the coffee then we both worked at getting all the shopping away, meanwhile I sent Fox to put the clothes away in the bedroom and clean up while I started the cooking.

It didn’t take me long to have all the food ready, Fox on the other hand was taking ages. I decided to go and see if he wanted a hand with anything, however I soon found out just what had held him up. There in the centre of the bed lay Fox fast asleep and snoring, the clothes were also on the bed and still in the bags.

I decided to move all the bags into the chair for now during which time Fox never stirred, I lay beside him on the bed and started kissing him gently.

“Fox I didn’t cook all this food for nothing, I’m not that bad at cooking so you don’t have to avoid eating it.”

“Sorry I just thought I’d lay down but I didn’t mean to fall asleep Babe.”

“Come on then move your ass lover.”

I pulled Fox up off the bed and dragged him to the chair in the kitchen, we then spent the next hour just eating and cleaning up. I wanted to get everything done as I wanted to talk, I knew I also had to pull my weight around here and pay my way.

“Fox can we talk before we go to bed?”

“Of course we can, as much as I love your body I love your brain too Babe.”

“Yeah sorry I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, I know you want more than just sex Fox.”

“Yeah and I also know that you’ve got something on your mind.”

“I made a phone call while you were asleep Fox, it was just to my solicitor so don’t panic. I meant what I said about paying you back for everything, the hospital alone must have cost you thousands.”

“Alex I have the money and the hospital bill was paid ages ago.”

“Yeah I know that but this is something I have to do, I want to pay you back and have some money left to live on.”

“I thought you said that your car was stolen, that you’d lost everything Alex.”

“My father passed away a couple of years ago, I hated him more than anything because of what he did to me and my mother. I never even bothered going to his funeral or anything, as far as I was concerned he died the day my mother kicked him out. I hated him so much and was unable to forgive what he’d done, I ‘don’t even know if what I feel’s normal.”

“Hey come on Babe, I would say it’s perfectly normal to feel that way after what happened.”

“Fox I hated him with a passion, he made me do so many sick things to him or vice versa. He swore he’d kill me if I ever told anyone what he did.”

“You were brave Alex, also you trusted your mother to believe you and she did.”

“Fox I went to see him; it wasn’t that long before he died actually. I went there with my gun and threatened him, shit I’d forced the gun into his mouth and wanted to pull the trigger.”

“But you didn’t Alex because you’re far better than he was.”

I had to wonder if that was the real reason, he was already suffering so maybe that was the reason I left him to die.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was really starting to think that Alex might need some help, maybe a specialist to help him come to term with his past events. I could tell that this was really hard for Alex to talk about, I’d already gathered that his father had abused him in the past. Alex never really spoke that much about his parents, only to say that he hated his father and loves his mother so much.

“Alex you’ve got me now too and I’m here for you, you can always talk to me about anything if you want to. I could also find a specialist for you if you think that might be better, someone who deals with things like that.”

“Shit Fox are you saying I need to see a physiatrist or something?”

“Hey I was only thinking about you Babe.”

“Yeah sorry, however my father died two weeks after I went to see him. It wasn’t like I was ever going back to see him again yet I still hadn’t expected it.”

“So how did you find out about his death then?”

“He had his solicitor track me down, it’s not like I was hiding or had changed my name.”

“So what did his solicitor want then?”

“To tell me I’d been in my fathers will.”

“So I take it you inherited some money or something, is that what the problem is Alex?”

“I had to sit there while his family were also there, his brothers and sisters my aunties and uncles. I had to sit there and listen while they all discussed their loss, how could I tell them what a fuckin bastard he was.”

“Jesus Alex I can’t imagine having to go through all that, so why do you need to see the solicitor now then after all this time?”

“He wasn’t without money Fox; he’d even inherited some of his own parents when they died. You see my grandparents left me nothing because of him, he managed to convince them that I was bad and up to no good. My father left five thousand dollars to the rest of my family and everything else to me.”

“So you inherited some money, you still don’t have to rush and pay me back as there’s no pressure at all.”

“I originally told the solicitor to stick the money, that I didn’t want anything at all that had belonged to my father. The solicitor said the money would be put in a trust for five years, my father said if it wasn’t claimed in that time it would be split between the others.”

“So you wouldn’t touch it because you felt like it was tainted.”

“Yeah something like that, but hey I guess that time can change things.”

“But you’re more entitled to it than all of them.”

“Yeah at the time it just felt wrong that’s all, like it excused him for everything that he’d done to me. I guess the thought of accepting it just made me feel dirty.”

“It was the same for me Alex, I never wanted my father’s money when he died either. I guess that I believed he’d obtained the money from illegal sources, it’s only recently that I actually decided to use any of it.”

“So what made you finally decide to use some of it?”

“You Alex, I used it to pay for all your medical bills.”

“Shit are you fuckin serious? You told me you’d used your own money.”

“Yeah I thought it would be justice, look he turned into a fuckin monster and caused a lot of people to suffer. I know it doesn’t excuse what I Alex, but I believed he was the reason I did it in the first place. I hated you because I believed you’d just killed some old and innocent man.”

“So you paid his murderers medical bills with his money, don’t you think that’s a little bit sick Fox?”

Okay I guess Alex had a point, however at the time I was only concerned with making Alex well again. Also I’d inherited the money, so that made it mine to spend however I saw fit.

“At the end of the day it became my money anyway Alex" 


	25. Chapter 25

I really didn’t want Fox to have to keep giving me money, I had to get my own finances sorted out soon.

“As soon as I see the solicitor I’ll be able to pay you back, I guess you’re right and I’m entitled to the money after what he did.”

“Yeah I just figured it was only money and I’d rather it does some good than just stuck there. To me money means very little Alex, as long as I have money for what I need nothing else matters.”

"Yeah chances are it won’t be a great amount, you’ll still be rich in comparison to me. I just don’t want money to come between us Fox, I’ve always got by in life with hardly anything at all.”

“Most of my money’s in the house on Rhode Island, I’d thought about selling it before but not anymore. I thought I might just hang on to it for a while, we could always use it as a holiday home in the future.”

“Yeah okay we can see some other time.”

“Shit sorry I forgot about that, why the hell did I even think you’d want to go back there?”

“Fox I don’t have a problem going back there, not if you’re there with me anyway.”

“Thanks Alex, I just want everything to work out between us that’s all.”

“Yeah me too Fox, I’ve never being this happy in my life with anyone else.”

“How about we call it a night Alex, tomorrow we can deal with the money and all the other shit.”

“Yeah good idea Lover, I’m exhausted now anyway and it’s been a long day.”

“Yeah me too, we could both do with a good night’s sleep Babe.”

I got up and went to use the bathroom, in the meantime I could hear Fox turning everything off and locking up. By the time he’d finished I was already in bed, I just lay there and watched as he stripped and got into bed beside me.

I truly hoped that things would be okay tomorrow, I still didn’t like the idea of taking the money but I had little choice. I guess that was something that I had in common with Fox, both of our fathers had been fuckin monsters in every respect.

“Alex try not to think too much as you’ll make yourself ill.”

“Yeah it’s just hard that’s all Fox, sometimes I forget things and it scares the hell out of me.”

“That’s bound to happen from time to time Babe.”

“Sometimes I even forget that I have a brain injury, well until I go and use my left arm that is.”

“God I’m so sorry Alex for what I did.”

“Fox I’m not blaming you, I already said that you’re the best thing to happen to me Lover.”

“Roll over Babe and I’ll give you a massage.”

I rolled over and lay on my stomach, Fox went and grabbed some oil and poured some on me. God it felt really good, I just wanted to lay here forever as I felt so happy and relaxed.

“You’re gorgeous Alex.”

Fox bent forward and kissed my neck, he then started kissing my shoulders and down my back. Shit I nearly jumped off the bed as he bit my ass.

“Jesus Fox you’re really turning me on Lover.”

“Alex all I want is to make love to you Babe, well that’s if you want me to?”

“God of course I do Fox.”

I felt his oiled finger enter my ass, it wasn’t long before he worked the second one in either. I guess that the oil was making it really easy for him, shit then I lost all thought as he started to stretch me.

“Jesus Fox I’m going to come from that alone.”

It had never ever felt this way with anyone else, Fox was my life and soul mate.

XXXXXXXXXX

I wanted to make Alex come as I knew it would help him sleep, sleep would be far better than the stress he was causing himself over tomorrow. I could understand to a certain degree how he felt, I myself hadn’t wanted to take my father’s money at first. Well I guess that shit happens in life, also I have no regrets at all what I spent his money on either.

Once I had Alex stretched enough I was ready and had no trouble entering him, the oil was proving to be handy in more ways than one. I plunged in and out of his tight gorgeous ass and would need to come soon, I worked a bit harder wanting to make Alex come, but that was really going to have to be soon though. I reached under him and reached his hard leaking erection, I knew that this would all be over in a matter of minutes.

“Come for me Alex.”

“I’m coming now Lover.”

I felt his hot semen as he came all over my hand, he then clenched his ass sending me over the edge too. I lay there on top of him unable to move, god I was totally exhausted now.

“Is there any chance you can move Lover?”

“Yeah sorry Alex.”

I rolled off him and lay on my back, after a minute or two I got up and went into the bathroom. I washed my hands that were starting to turn hard from Alex, I then went and took the cloth into the bedroom. By the time I got back Alex was already sound asleep, he never even stirred as I managed to clean him up.

I threw the cloth into the wash basket and climbed back in to bed, I noticed that even in his sleep Alex came closer to me. It felt so good to have him here in my arms and this time by his own choice. I loved him more than I could ever say, yet I knew he’d have to try and relax a bit more about things.

I was feeling really tired now myself, I drifted off to sleep wondering what tomorrow would bring for us both. I was the first to wake in the morning as I was used to little sleep, I thought I’d let Alex have a lie in while I went to make coffee. 

I was already on my second cup by the time he woke, I could tell he was more stressed than last night as he moaned about everything.

“Thanks Fox, shit you could have woken me a bit earlier you know.”

“Alex you’ve still got plenty of time.”

“Yeah right.”

“Just drink your coffee Alex and stop worrying about everything.”

“Yeah well I just want today to fuckin end.”

“It will be over before you know it Babe.”

“Fuck it Fox, do you know how degrading it is to have to go there and do this?”

“No but I have faith in you Alex and that you’ll come through this.”

“Yeah right, I forgot that I can come through anything because I have no fuckin feelings.”

“Hey come on Alex, it’s because you have feelings that you’re feeling like this now.”

“Yeah I’m like this because I’m pathetic.”

“Alex don’t say that, your a really sensitive loving and caring person, I feel honored that you even want to be with me.”

“God without you I’d have given up ages ago Fox believe me.”

“Come on then go and get a shower and dressed Babe, always remember Alex that the feelings mutual too.”

“Yes boss I’m going now.”

God I loved Alex so much and would help him the best I could, I knew that he would need me more than ever now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I shouldn’t be taking it out on Fox, at the end of the day he was the one I loved and depended on. I grabbed a shower and dressed casually in my jeans and jacket, I was really hoping Fox hadn’t expected me to dress up for the occasion. Ha not that I had a suit anyway at the moment, even so that would change in a couple of days.

I’d at least had a shave and looked somewhat more human, people can take me as they find me or fuck off. I walked back in the room and was as nervous as hell, however Fox was already waiting to leave.

“Fox I’m sorry for earlier as I had no right taking it out on you.”

“Alex don’t worry about it as I know you’re worried, but just remember that I will be there with you and help you through this.” 

“I know Fox and believe me I’m really grateful, thank you for coming with me today.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“Fox how much do I actually owe you, you know for the hospital and everything else?”

“I have no idea without checking, but I need to call at the bank today while we’re out anyway.”

“Fine just let me know once you find out.”

“Yeah okay, come on we’d better get a move on.”

I remained quiet on the drive to the solicitor, I was a full grown man now and didn’t have to fear my father anymore. However by the time we arrived I was feeling really sick, if I’d have been alone I’d have turned around and gone back home.

“Just remember I’m here for you Alex and together we can do this.”

“Yeah whatever, I don’t even know why it bothers me so much as he’s dead anyway.”

Fox entered first and went towards the reception desk, it was only five minutes later that we were summoned into the solicitor’s office.

“Good morning gentlemen, I’m Mr Harris please come in and take a seat.”

We both followed him into his office, we then went and sat on the chairs that faced the large desk.

“Right which one of you is Mr Krycek?”

“I’m Alex Krycek, this is my partner Fox Mulder.”

“It’s nice to meet you both, basically as you know the will was officially read a couple of years ago. All I need from you today is one form filling in and that’s pretty much everything.”

I was handed a form along with a pen and at least it was basic, I had to provide my bank details and show him my passport that was before signing it. I tried so hard not to think about things, yet I couldn’t help myself as the images popped into my head. Shit they were images I really didn’t want right now; hey they were images I didn’t want at all.

I signed the form and the secretary returned my passport after photocopying it, once it was all done I handed the form back to him. It was fully filled in and even signed with my fuckin tears, shit now I felt like a complete fool as Fox noticed the tears too.

“Fox can you deal with it now, I’ve signed it and done all I can.”

“Yeah sure as it’ll only take a minute anyway, Alex are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah I’ll wait for you in the car Fox.”

With that I walked out and closed the door behind me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could tell that this was all getting to Alex, knowing him it would be opening old wounds once more. The solicitor was okay with everything and with Alex leaving, he’d done his part and that was all that mattered. The solicitor handed me an envelope to give to Alex, so now it was time to go and find the man in question.

I got to the car to find it empty, great I couldn’t even leave because Alex had the keys with him. I just walked up and down but to no avail at all, I didn’t even know if Alex had taken his phone with him today. He said I was the only person who phoned him anyway, so he didn’t see the point if he was out with me.

I decided to call the number on the off chance and it rang, yet after so long it went to the answer machine so I hung up. I had no idea whether I should just wait here for him, that or call a cab to take me home. I was interrupted by my own phone ringing, the caller identification showed that it was Alex calling me.

“Alex where are you, shit are you okay Babe?”

“Fox I’m about a minute from the car so I’ll talk when I get there.”

With that my phone went dead, but true to his word Alex appeared from around the corner.

“Jesus Alex are you okay, hey come here Babe.”

I really didn’t care that we were in public, Alex was my main concern in life now. I held him tight in my arms as he sobbed uncontrollably, I had to wait a while before he could even manage to talk to me.

“I’m okay Fox as it was just one too many ghosts from my past, I expected this and I’ll get over it.”

“Shit why didn’t you answer your phone Alex?”

“Because I couldn’t get my pocket open, I guess been one handed didn’t help at all.”

“Yeah okay I was just worried that’s all.”

“Yeah I know, I guess I just hate that you have to worry about me all the time. Okay I have to admit it feels good knowing that you do care so much Lover.”

“You have to accept that things have changed, you’re not alone any more Alex.”

“Yeah I know Fox; you have to remember that I’m here for you too Lover.”

“Hey do you want to call it a day Babe?”

“Yeah come on let’s go home, hey I thought you wanted to call at the bank Fox?”

“Shit I forgot about that, do you want to do it today or not babe?”

“Yeah we might as well go and get it over with.”

“Oh I almost forgot the solicitor gave me this envelope.”

“Great I’ll open it when I get to the bank.”

I drove to the bank in only ten minutes, when we arrived it was nearly empty inside which was good. I went to see someone about a joint account, I thought that it would make shopping for food and stuff far easier that way. 

Alex also had to sign and agree to it all, I put some money in from my standard account as I knew he got confused easy at times.

I then went to speak to someone about my main account, basically I was trying to give Alex some privacy. I knew that he still hadn’t looked at the cheque from the solicitor, he expected it to be a small amount anyway. I did explain to him that I wasn’t bothered, but I knew he felt guilty that I’d spent so much already regarding his care. 

Alex didn’t realize but deep down I still felt responsible, I’d been the one who started the chain to his illness. After a while I decided to go and wait for him in the car, Alex finally came out and I knew that he was struggling to hold back the tears.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d found today to be harder than I’d expected, I guess dealing with so much shit from my past hadn’t helped at all. It was meant to be a past that was dead and buried now, so I guess that was why it felt so wrong to accept the money. 

Hell I’d not expected the amount it was either, two hundred thousand dollars… I went back to the car to find Fox already there and waiting for me, I handed him the payment slip before bursting into tears.

“Hey come on Babe just let it all out.”

“God I’m sorry Fox for behaving like a fuckin baby.”

“Alex you’ve done well to deal with it all, but it’s over now Babe and time for us to move on.”

“Yeah I want us to have a fresh start, I’ve asked them to put the whole amount into the joint account.”

“You should have put some into your own account too, just in case you need something and I’m away.”

Shit I’d totally forgot about Fox and his job, also that he’d be returning in such a short time and I’d be alone again. It was then I realized there would be nights too, shit I really didn’t want to think about that right now.

“I’ll have some money in there once I get a job so don’t worry about it Fox.”

“Yeah come on let’s just go home Babe now.”

As we drove home I just sat there thinking about things, at least I’d told Fox I’d have my own money in the future so I’d be okay. Well that was once I managed to get a job, not that I knew who the fuck would employ me now after all this. I still had severe emotional problems and difficulty remembering things, oh and of course a left arm that was now totally fuckin useless.

I started thinking about my life in general, also what I’d achieved since the accident. I now had Fox but it had taken a long time to get here and a lot of heartache, but beyond that my life was totally fucked up.

Fox was right and everything with my Father was over now and had reached an end, it was now time to put that part of my life to rest and deal with the future.

I was unsure how Fox would take the news and would find out later today, I decided I’d bring the topic up when we were home and settled. By the time we finally got home it was late afternoon, you could tell it was early spring as the evenings were still rather cold.

“Alex are you still with me, come on we’re home now Babe.”

“Sorry I was miles away.”

“As long as my company’s not boring you?”

“No Fox, hell I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like the company.”

We went inside and I offered to do the cooking, I wanted to get Fox in a really good mood before we talked. In all honesty most of the time he was in a good mood, as long as he kept his brain active he was okay. Fox could become depressed if he was bored and at the moment he wasn’t working or even jogging.

Who knows maybe he’d be up for a little trip away, it wasn’t like I wanted to go away for weeks on end. All I wanted was to go and deal with the rest of my past, that way I’d be able to have a far better future with the man I’d loved for so long. 

I knew that I had to go back to my original home in Russia, I just didn’t think I was up to going on my own mentally or physically. Truth be told I hadn’t been on my own for a long time now, well not since my coma that is. However there was one thing I did know, I would go on my own if I was left with no choice at all.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex had something on his mind, I just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just tell me what it is. I wasn’t a stupid man either, I knew that he was doing the cooking to make me happy before he attempted to talk.

Yet at the moment he was staying in the kitchen on his own, he just told me that he was too busy to talk at the moment. Well that was fine as I could bide my time, I knew that he’d have to come out with it sooner or later.

At the moment Alex could butter me up all he wanted with his cooking, the man was actually really good at doing it without burning everything. Finally, he came out of the kitchen and put the food on the table and sat opposite me, I could tell that he was as nervous as hell and I’d be the one who’d have to say something.

“Alex talk to me Babe, come on I know that you have something on your mind.”

“I was just wondering if the food was okay.”

“The spaghetti’s good Alex, however you had something on your mind long before we got home.”

“It’s okay Fox we can discuss it later on.”

“Fine Alex we can eat the food and take a shower, afterwards you’ll tell me what’s on your mind before bedtime.”

“Fine okay.”

The remainder of the meal was eaten in silence, I think Alex was surprised that I knew something was up.

“Alex I’ll do the pots, you can go and have a shower now if you want.”

“Yeah okay if you’re sure.”

“Yes I’m sure, we agreed and you cooked so it’s only fair Babe.”

I made a start on cleaning up the kitchen and all the pots, I despised this job and couldn’t understand what was wrong with takeaways as there were no pots afterwards. Eventually I had the kitchen looking somewhat normal again, now I had to go and see if Alex was finished in the shower. I found him just sat on the bed in his underwear, he looked so pale and worried now that it scared me somewhat.

“Fox did you say that you wanted an early night?”

“Yeah I thought that it would do us both some good.”

“Can I just check something out on the computer while you shower?”

“Of course you can Alex, you don’t have to ask things like that as it’s your home too.”

Alex just gave me a weak smile before leaving the room, I decided to leave him alone for now and go for a shower. It hurt to see him like this, scared and unable to tell me what was wrong at the moment. I knew that I wasn’t prepared to go to bed until we’d had a talk and I knew what was going on inside that head of his.

I lingered a while in the shower as the warm water felt good, also it gave Alex a bit more time alone before our talk. Finally, I couldn’t stay in any longer without looking like a prune, I went into the bedroom to find it was still empty. I made a point to be noisy so Alex would know I was out of the shower, I dried off and threw the towel in the wash basket before getting into bed.

It was just then that the door opened and Alex walked in, he removed his underwear and got into bed beside me without talking.

“Alex are you actually going to talk to me today?”

“Yeah I’m sorry for waiting this long….”

“Alex you’re staling again Babe.”

“Yeah I just didn’t know how you’d feel about it Fox.”

“I don’t know either unless you tell me Alex.”

It was worse than dealing with a child, I had no idea why it was so hard to just tell me.


	26. Chapter 26

Well I guess it was now or never, however I knew I;d have to go alone if it came to it.

“Fine I want to go to Russia and I want you to come with me, there so now you know.”

  
“You want to go, that’s good Alex.”

“I want to do what you said and put the past behind me, I’ve dealt with my father and need to see my mother now.”

“Yeah that’s totally understandable, of course I will come with you if I’m not at work. So when were you actually thinking about going? It’s just I’m back at work in less than a week.”

“I’ve been checking flights online Fox, there’s a flight to Russia tomorrow evening.”

  
“What you want to leave tomorrow? Shit that’s really short notice Babe.”

“Fox I can go on my own if it’s too soon for you.”

“Don’t be stupid Alex as there’s no way I’m letting you go alone, shit I love you so much and want you to be happy so just go and book the tickets.”

“Thank you Fox it means a lot to me.”

In the end I had to get Fox to book the tickets for us both, I overlooked the fact I had no money in my account. At least we’d only need a small bag each as I had no intention of staying long, I just wanted to go there and deal with everything.

“I only want to go for a few days Fox, I know that you have to go back to work very soon.”

“Yeah that’s fine Alex, maybe we could go and check out Tunguska while we’re there.”

“Yeah Fox if it makes you happy we can go.”

“It’s just always interested me that’s all.”

“You just have to remember that certain parts of Russia are really rough Fox.”

“Yeah so I’ve heard, I’m sure we’ll be okay if we stick together Babe.”

“Yeah true, I’d also like to be stuck to you right now too Lover.”

"Come on then let’s go to bed Alex.”

“Hey as long as you’re not planning on going to sleep just yet.”

“No Alex as I have plans for you tonight.”

“I can’t wait, come on Fox as you owe me if I take you to Tunguska.”

“Yeah I suppose I do.”

“You do know that it’ll be cold there at this time of year.”

“Yeah but I’ll have you to keep me warm Babe.”

“Very true but you’d do well to sleep on the plane, don’t forget Russia’s twelve hours ahead of us Fox.”

“Alex how far from Tunguska do you live, or should I say used to live?”

“It’s only a few miles Fox, we will have to get ourselves a lift though as it’s rather remote.”

Fox suddenly turned towards me and started kissing me, it wasn’t long before his hand started to move lower down.

“Is this for me Babe?”

Fox slid down the bed and engulfed my erection, it wasn’t long before he was sucking on it and making me want to come.

“Jesus Fox.”

It wasn’t long before his talented mouth forced me over the edge, it was literally only another minute before I exploded into the heat of his mouth.   
  


“Was that good Babe?”

“God yes it was good Lover, shit it was far more than just good.”   
  


“Good because now I plan on fucking you Babe, well that’s unless you have any objections.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Hey I don’t have any objections whatsoever Fox.”

“Good roll over then Babe.”

I watched as he rolled over and that cute ass came into view, god at this rate I’d be coming as soon as I entered him. I managed to reach the lube and applied some to both of us, great I was already leaking just from the thought of being inside him.

“Spread them for me Babe.”

I watched as he tried to part his ass cheeks for me and wiggled his backside, it was total surrender on the part of my lover. I guess a part of me still got off on being the dominant one, I couldn’t help it as I slapped his tempting backside hard.

“I’m going to fuck you hard tonight Alex, make you feel it for days and so that you’ll want more.”

“God I always want more from you Fox, come on and give it to me Lover as I’d swear you’re getting slow in your old age.”

I knew by his tone that Alex wanted it hard tonight, I loved him and was not planning to disappoint him at all. I took my cock and plunged it straight into him without warning, I had no time to be gentle now and fucked him hard.

“Is this what you want Alex?”

“God yes Fox, fuck me harder lover and don’t stop.”

I had no intention of stopping, well that was until I came deep inside his ass, I cleaned us both up and held Alex in my arms until he fell asleep. I then just lay there thinking about everything mainly the trip to Russia in only a few hours.

I knew there was no way I’d let Alex go on his own, especially after he’d just suffered brain damage and the loss of his arm.  I hoped that we would have time to go to Tunguska, I’d done a lot of research regarding the speculations regarding the supposed meteorite.

I thought it was worth checking out while we were there, shit it was then that I thought about Alex and how he was going to feel. He wanted to go to Russia to see his mother again, the same person who believed that her son was dead and buried, shit there might even be a headstone. 

God it sent shivers down my spine at the thought of that, just the image of that cold place and the stone bearing his name. Hopefully he wouldn’t want to pay a visit to the local cemetery, I knew for a fact it was one place I’d happily give a miss.

I knew that I should think about going to sleep soon, I guess it was just my mind working overtime as was usual for me. I knew however that tomorrow was going to be a really long day and I hated jet lag.

I’d been so lucky to be where I am now, I just hoped that his mother could forgive him for what he’d done. How the hell would she cope when she set eyes upon her one and only son, especially as he was very much alive and kicking? I guess I’d just cross that bridge when it came to it, for now maybe I should concentrate on what to pack just so I’d keep warm.

Shit then I started wondering just what his mother would think about me, I also had to wonder if she even knew her son really was gay. God by the time we leave I’d be a basket case, I just seemed unable to switch off and fall asleep. I just had too many things going on inside my head at the moment, then on top of everything else I’d have to think about going back to work too.

I guess realistically I should just take one thing at a time, maybe just take everything as it comes along instead of worrying. We had a plane to catch at nine in the morning, the alarm was already set to go off at four. At this rate I guess I would end up sleeping on the plane over there, shit I also had to hope that Alex would be okay on the plane too.

I would have to think of really boring things so I’d fall asleep, Alex was now talking in his sleep yet again. He seemed to do it most nights now, yet I’d just become used to it and ignored him. Soon I knew by the way he was moaning that it was a bad dream, I wrapped my arm around him and stayed that way until I also fell asleep. 

It had seemed like only five minutes and the alarm was going off, great it was time to get up and get moving I hit the snooze button and went back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX 

I was the first one to actually wake up and turn the alarm off, I then woke Fox up so he’d get moving too.

“Hey come on Fox it’s time to get up.”

“God it can’t be morning already can it?”

“Yeah come on Lover, two hours and then we have to leave here.”

I went and grabbed a bag and started packing things into it, Fox meanwhile finally moved and went to take a shower. I planned on only taking what I’d need, mainly just some warm clothes as it’d be bloody cold there.

“Fox do you want me to pack some stuff for you while I’m at it?”   
  


“Yeah you can do.”

I soon had a couple of bags packed with everything we’d need, I then decided it was time I also grabbed a shower and a quick shave. Fox had said he’d sort out everything else and make a couple of coffees too. 

The shower felt really good and refreshing, I knew I was really anxious about having to see my mother again. I knew it would feel awkward after I left her believing that her only son was dead, shit I had to also think about how much I planned on telling her. 

How the hell do you tell your mother you sent her a weighted coffin to bury, also do I tell her the real reasons for my actions? What the son she raised turned into, how I became corrupt just so I could climb the ladder to greater heights.

My mother kicked my father out to protect me as I’d always being close to her as a child, all I’d wanted was to give her something back, it was her money that she used to get me into the F.B.I in the first place.

I’d come to America to make something of myself, she was so proud of me when I became an Agent. Yet it wasn’t enough and I always wanted more, I thought she would be even more proud if I advanced to higher levels.

Spender had offered me an instant step up the ladder, shit all I had to do was spy on one Fox Mulder. Yet instead I fell in love with the man in question, all I wanted to do was protect him and keep him safe from Spenders clutches. Shit I’d even killed his own father to protect him and now Fox was mine. I was hoping that I’d soon have my mother back in my life too, well as long as she was willing to forgive me.

I turned off the shower and went to get dressed, at least Fox had brought my coffee into the bedroom for me while I got ready. I noticed that Fox was fully dressed and nearly ready to leave, shit I looked at the clock and found that I only had twenty minutes until we left.

It was then I was starting to wonder if I was doing the right thing here, was dragging up all my past going to give me the closure I so badly wanted.

“Come on Alex get a move on Babe, the cab will be here in just ten minutes.”

“Yeah I only need a couple of minutes and I’ll be ready anyway.”

I was dressed and ready to go in no time at all, I quickly finished my coffee and grabbed all my stuff.

“Come on then Fox let’s get this show on the road.”

“Yeah okay, Alex are you sure you’re ready to do this?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine; I’ll just be glad when the flights over though.”

“Yeah I have to admit that twelve hours is a long time, it’ll soon pass if you have a sleep or watch a movie.”

“Yeah I guess I’m just worried about seeing my mother again, also as to what sort of welcome I will get.”

XXXXXXXXXX

We took the cab to the airport, as at least that way it saved having to mess around parking the car. I realized that Alex was quiet all the way here and I was starting to wonder if this was a good idea.

Shit and then I just suddenly had another thought pop into my head, how the hell would Alex cope if his mother rejects him now? To be honest I knew it would tear him apart, she seemed to be the one person he’d always looked up to.

“Fox are you actually getting out, or are you just planning on going back home?”

“Yeah I’m coming, I was just thinking about things and what it will be like there.”

“I’ll fill you in on the plane Lover, I can let you know where we’re going and just what it’s like.”

“Yeah I’ll hold you to that then, come on we’d better go and get checked in then.”

We checked in and then had two boring long hours to wait, I hated the waiting to board the plane more than anything else. Finally, we were on-board and prepared for take-off, great now twelve hours before we reached our destination. 

I didn’t mind flying at all it was just boring on long distances, maybe I could see if any of the movies were worth watching. Great I was still bored as I’d already seen the films so many times, it was then that I noticed Alex was looking rather bored too. Maybe now would be a good idea to have a talk, find out just what I was really letting myself in for.

“Alex are you going to tell me about Russia then, mainly just what I can expect while we’re there.”

“Fox when we arrive we will have to get a cab to the village where I lived, I then plan to go and see if my mother even wants to know me anymore?”

“I’m sure she will Alex, at the end of the day you’re her only child.”

“Time will tell Fox, anyway after that we can book a room for a couple of nights if that’s okay?”

“Yeah it all sounds good so far Babe.”

“On the second day we’ll go to Tunguska so you can see the meteorite thing or whatever as it’s more your thing anyway.”

“Hey what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You work on the X files Fox, you have to admit that you love strange and weird things. You have to remember that it’ll be really cold out there, also I know that some of the gulags closed down but not all of them.”

“Hey as long as we don’t end up in one I don’t care, plus I’ll have you Alex to look after me.”

“Yeah I’ll be with you Fox; I’m also guessing that you don’t speak any Russian at all?”

“No is was a language I’ve never needed before; it wasn’t somewhere I’d even thought about visiting either.”

“It’s not all doom and gloom Fox as some parts are really nice. The place where I grew up was a really good place, but I can’t say that about the whole of Russia.”

“So I’ll get to see where you grew up as a child then?”

“Yeah you’ll see how different it is from where you grew up Fox, we didn’t have a massive house or a holiday home either.”

“Hey that’s not resentment I hear is it Babe?”

“No Fox I don’t resent you at all, I just don’t want to feel like I’ve put you out.”

“Alex it was my parents that had the money not me, shit Alex you’ve seen my apartment and know just how I live.”

“Yeah very true Fox.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that deep down I was worried about Fox’s opinion, he was the only person I’d ever loved or cared about since my mother. I’d come from a very basic home, but the love from my mother had always been there for me. 

Shit could I really now justify the reason why I’d told her I was dead, well deep down I knew it was far too late to change what was done.

“Alex are you okay Babe?”

“Yeah I’m just feeling a little sick that’s all.”

“Feel sick or are going to be sick?”

“I don’t know, I think I’ll just go and use the bathroom.”

“Yeah okay, just as long as you’re okay.”

I got up out of my seat and headed towards the bathroom, I also noticed that most of the passengers were now fast asleep on the long flight. I made use of the facilities and took a piss, I then washed my face with the cold water in the hope of feeling better. I didn’t know what was wrong with me as I’d being on many planes in my lifetime, yet shit I’d never felt like this before.

Maybe it was who I was with and where I was going, it was most likely just my nerves as I had no idea what I was about to go and face. Shit now I was managing to get myself in a right state, I’d being in such a rush that I’d now managed to get the zip on my jeans stuck.

I could see that I was going to be a right state when we landed in Russia, now I was unable to go back to my seat without looking stupid.   
It was then I remembered my phone in my pocket, I could send a text to Fox and just hope he hears it. I sent him a text saying I needed his help straight away, all I could do now was sit here and wait to see if he shows up.

Within a couple of minutes I heard a light tap on the toilet door, I opened it and let Fox squeeze in the small space.

“Alex are you crying? Shit Alex you look really upset.”

“God I guess I’m just nervous Fox, I panicked and now I’ve managed to get the zip on my jeans stuck. I couldn’t leave here like this; I just need some help that’s all as I feel like a right idiot.”

“Don’t worry I’m here now and will take care of you, also for the record you are far from looking like an idiot?”

Fox bent down and looked at my zip, he then fiddled with it for a minute.   
  


“It’s just stuck on the denim, I can have it sorted in a minute or two Babe.”

“Good can you hurry up then Fox, shit someone might need to get in here soon?”

However instead of fixing my zip he fully opened it.

“Jesus Fox, what the fuck are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing Babe?”

Before I could answer he had my cock deep inside his warm mouth, oh fuck how the hell was I supposed to remain quiet with Fox doing that. God he was sucking me off like there was no tomorrow and he had such a talented mouth, However, I had no choice but to shove my fist inside my mouth to remain quiet.

Fox became more rigorous with his mouth and I couldn’t hold back any longer, I came deep within his mouth as he just swallowed it all down. Fox even managed to clean me all up before he stood back up, as for me I was now fully sated and unable to move.

“Hey are you still with me Babe?”

“Fuck I can’t move now as you’ve tired me out.”

“Come on Babe at least I’ve fixed your zip for you now.”

“Yeah and that wasn’t all you fixed Fox.”

“Come on you go back to your seat first Babe, I’ll come and join you in a few minutes.”

“Yeah that might be for the best Lover, that or we’ll have everyone on the plane talking about us.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I know Alex had not expected that at all, he was just starting to get so wound up about everything at the moment. I was hoping that it might have relaxed him somewhat as it wouldn’t help him at all to be ill. The only problem was I was now hard myself. Alex had always managed to have that effect on me and I was left with no choice but to jerk off.

I had no intention of leaving here with an obvious bulge in my pants, not that I was worried as I knew this wouldn’t take long at all. All I had to do was think of Alex and his gorgeous body, shit then suddenly an image I didn’t want popped into my head.

The image of Alex spread out and restrained to a bed and unable to move, fuck it was then that I came without any effort. What the hell was wrong with me, sex was good between us without me having to think things like that.   
I got myself all cleaned up and headed back towards my seat, I didn’t want to leave Alex for too long on his own. 

I found him back in his seat flicking through a magazine, he looked so innocent and vulnerable sat there like that. I knew that I’d need to be honest with him, I guess I’d have to tell him just how perverted my mind really was. Don’t get me wrong as he could still make me come and I loved it when we made love, sometimes I just wanted it hard and had no idea how Alex would feel about that.

“You took your time Fox.”

“Yeah sorry I had to take care of myself first.”

“You should have said and I’d have returned the favour Fox.”

“I’ll hold you to that later, I just thought it might have looked suspicious had we taken any longer.”

“Yeah true, you wait as later your ass will be mine lover.”

“Hey it’s always yours Alex, only you and you know that.”

“Yeah I know Fox.”

It was true, this man had now become my life and had stolen my heart. I somehow couldn’t ever imagine being alone again, I guess that we’d gone through so much together in the past. This would be a mini break for us before it was back to reality, I would really have to start thinking of something Alex could do too.

It came over the intercom, apparently we’d be landing in Russia within the hour. I was still feeling nervous myself as it wasn’t a country I’d visited before; people had given me mixed reactions about the place over the years as to what it was like there.

“Well Fox are you ready for this Lover?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be Alex.”

To be honest I was just glad we’d landed, I felt like I had being on that plane forever. Because of the time difference it was now only nine in the morning, whereas back home it would be nine at night. Great that was one of the things I hated about flying, the jetlag made you feel unbelievably tired.

We grabbed our bags and headed towards the exit and the cabs, I was just really pleased that Alex could at least speak Russian. We decided to go and find a room for the night first, then we’d grab a couple of hours sleep before doing anything else.

Alex found us a really decent little guest house, the room was rather large and also extremely clean. We ended up paying to stay here for the next three nights, after that we’d have to decide if we were staying longer or returning back home.

Everything would depend on Alex, also on his mother and how she reacted to him. We both finally made it into the bed as neither of us had slept on the plane, by American time we’d being up for over sixteen hours now already. We only wanted a couple of hours otherwise we’d be disorientated. I set my alarm for dinnertime before laying down, soon I was fast asleep with Alex in my arms.


	27. Chapter 27

I woke to the sound of Fox’s alarm going off, great I knew that the time had come to get ready and go out. We were both soon dressed and ready to face the reason I came here, it was time to go and see my mother once more.

God I was far more nervous than I’d have thought possible, especially once we were in the cab and on or way. The first feelings of desolation came as the cab pulled up outside the house, I couldn’t but help notice the large for sale sign outside.

We both got out of the cab and Fox paid the driver, we’d just call another cab to return to our room later on.

“Alex are you sure this is the right house?”

“Yeah I think I’d know Fox.”

“I’m sorry Alex, shit I didn’t mean it to sound like that.”

“It’s okay, but yeah this is where I lived right up to going to America, I just hope that she was okay for money and everything else.”

“I’m sure she was fine Babe and maybe the house just became too big on her own, look we might as well knock now we’ve come this far.”

“Yeah you’re right.”

I went up to the door and knocked on it hard, after a few minutes I’d still received no answer at all. I decided to just call the estate agents, I had to know if the property was empty or not before anything else.

The estate agent informed me that the property was empty, so I started asking questions regarding the previous occupant and the agent agreed to meet us at the house.

I just walked up and down the street while Fox sat on the doorstep and waited, I hated waiting more than anything as it made me even more nervous. I finally noticed a car pull up and a woman get out, she introduced herself to us both as Jessica.

“Good day gentlemen, shall we go inside and have a talk?”

“So you’re telling me the house is empty?”

“Please Sir let’s just go inside and talk.”

Fox grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door, once inside I noticed the place had an empty feel. Don’t get me wrong as it was still fully furnished, it was empty of that homely feeling.

“Mr Krycek the house is on the market at the request of one Alexis Krycek, I presume that the lady in question was your mother?”

“What do you mean by she was my mother, not was as she still is my mother.”

“Alexis Krycek died three months ago, she had cancer and had a few months to arrange everything herself.”

Shit I just felt like my whole world had fallen apart, shit was this how she felt when someone told her about my supposed death.

“Just three months ago, that’s all.”

“Yes I’m really sorry, we were left with this envelope to give to you. It contains a cheque and some letters that she said were important. Our instructions were to give it to you if you ever showed up here in person.”

“My mum can’t have left it for me, shit she thought that I was dead.”

“I’m sorry but I’m just the messenger Mr Krycek.”

“What about the house, what will happen to it and all the things inside?”

“If you turned back up the house was to be yours, however if it had sold before then the money was to go to charity.”

“Can I just ask which charity she chose?”

“It was for the up keep and care of physically and mentally abused children.”

“What about the contents?”

“Everything now belongs to you Mr Krycek.”

I couldn’t handle this anymore and knew I was on the verge of breaking down.

“God this is just way too much to take in all at once.”

“Yes I’m sure that it is so I’ll leave the keys with you, we have both sets of keys so I’ll have to go back to my office and be back shortly.”

“Is it possible that you could leave it on the market for now, one thing I do know is that I’m not moving back to Russia? All I need is a couple of hours to work all this out and decide what I’m doing.”

“Yes take as much time as you want Mr Krycek, here’s my mobile number so you can call once you’re ready.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“God I’m so sorry Babe and don’t know what to say.”

“Hey I’m just grateful that I still have you Fox, I think I’d totally fall apart if I had no one at all.”

“Well I’ll do anything that I can to help you through this.”

“Would you go look in the shed and see if there’s any boxes at all?”

“Yeah I’m on it Babe.”

I went outside and soon found a small shed, I grabbed a couple of boxes and returned to Alex.

“So what are the boxes for Babe?”

“I want to pack some stuff and have it sent back home, well of course unless you want to move to Russia that is?”

“No America’s fine and closer to work.”

“Very funny Lover, not that I want to move back out here either.”

“So what are you going to do then? I guess selling it might be the best option in the end.”

“Yeah I think it’s for the best too, come on Lover we can go and start upstairs.”

Alex led me up the stairs and we entered a rather tidy bedroom, it was so damn obvious that the room had belonged to Alex.

“I can’t believe she kept it like this after I left.”

“Maybe she believed that one day you’d come back home Babe.”

I could see that Alex was struggling to deal with all of this, I guess that we’d hoped the trip would be a happy one.

“Shit Fox I don’t think I can do this.”

“I’m here and will help you Babe.”

“Yeah I know you are and I’m grateful Fox, could you just open one of those boxes for me?”

I watched as Alex started putting some things inside the box, he put in some photos along with a teddy and a blanket. He seemed to be far more sentimental than I’d have expected and I presumed they were his as a child, I was afraid to ask in case he started crying again.

“I think that’s it for this room, can you bring that other box with you Fox?”   
  


I gathered that the next room must have belonged to his mother, in here he packed all the photos before opening a draw. Alex only removed a couple of pieces of jewellery before turning back to me in tears.

“Fox can I ask you something? I just want you to understand it’s okay if you did as you owed me nothing back then.”

“Sorry you’ve lost me babe.”

“Did you sell the watch and ring? Like I said I’ll understand if you did.”

“No Alex I never sold them, I guess I was secretly hoping you’d return for them one day.”

“Thanks Fox, it’s just the ring has sentimental value that’s all.”

“Well its safe Alex so don’t worry about it.”

“Fox can you call the estate agent back for me?”

“Yeah of course Babe.”

I called the woman and told her Alex was ready to see her again, we only had to wait half an hour before she turned up. I then answered the door and invited her in to the room where Alex sat.

“I hear that you want to speak to me Mr Krycek?”

“Yeah I’ve done some thinking about all of this, I want to know if I can arrange some of them through you?”

“Very well, I will do anything that I possibly can to make it easier for you.”

“Firstly I will be giving you an address, I would like for both of these boxes to be sent to that place in America.”

“Yes that’s easy enough to arrange.”

“I’d also like to keep the house on the market if that’s possible.”

“Very well, we’ll just need some details from yourself as to where payment can be made.”

“I don’t want it; I want all the proceeds to go to the charity my mother named.”

“Very well if you’re absolutely sure about it?”

“Yes I’m sure.”

I could tell by the look on his face he was serious, I also knew that I’d stand by Alex no matter what he decided to do.

“Alex do you want to go back to the guest house now?”

“Yeah Fox come on let’s go.”

I was worried about Alex’s state of mind at the moment, the man had become so unresponsive and quiet at the moment.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Sorry can I just ask another question before you leave?”

“Yes that’s fine Mr Krycek.”

“Do you know where my mother is buried?”

“If you leave a contact number I can find out for you.”

“Yeah thank you.”

I guess that I was pretty quiet on the journey back, I was just glad that Fox was willing to give me some space without any pressure. We arrived back at the room and I just sat there on the bed, I guess it was time to open the envelope I’d received.

“Alex do you want me to leave you alone Babe?”

“No Fox, please I don’t think I can do this on my own.”

“Yeah okay Babe, I just wanted to be sure that’s all.”

I was trying to be honest with Fox, I guess a part of me was scared as too what I might find out. I finally plucked up the courage and ripped the envelope open, there were what appeared to be legal documents along with a report of sorts. 

I scanned through them and realized what my mother had done, the report was made by a private detective hired by her.

“Shit Fox she even hired a private detective and knew I was alive, what a fuckin great son that makes me.”

“Just read it all first Alex and take it from there.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Alex do you want me to get you a drink or anything else?”

“Yeah a vodka would be good right about now.”

“Alex are you serious?”

“Yeah I’m serious.”

“Fine I’ll get you one if that’s what you really want.”

Fox went downstairs to the bar; I think he wanted to give me some privacy. I knew that he was also worried about me wanting a vodka as I was still on medication, where I was sure just one wouldn’t kill me.

I opened the letter that was folded up inside a purple envelope, shit I was struggling not to cry and I hadn’t even read it yet. To my dearest son Alex if you’re reading this it means I’ve now passed away, try not to grieve for me as I had a good life here compared to some. 

I hired the private detective due to a gut feeling that you were still alive, he followed you for some time and I know you did everything to make me proud of you.

Alex dear boy I was always proud of you as you were my son, you suffered so much at the hands of your father when you were only young. You finally told me about it all Alex, I just wish that you’d being able to tell me the truth about everything else. 

I had to learn from the detective about your coma, I wanted to see you more than anything but was far too ill to visit. Last I heard from the detective was that you’re finally happy and have someone who loves you, just live your life Alex and remember I always loved you no matter what. Mum xx

By the time Fox returned I was sat there sobbing, he took one look at me and rushed straight over and hugged me.

“God Alex are you okay Babe?”

I struggled to answer and it just felt so good here in his arms.

“I love you so much Fox, shit you won’t leave me too will you?”

“God of course not Alex, believe me I’m not planning on going anywhere Babe.”

“Good, so did you get the vodka lover?”

“Yeah it’s here Alex.”

I knocked back the vodka and then the phone starting ringing, great I wondered who the hell that was as I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I just sat there and let Fox answer it for me, I heard him say thanks and then he wrote something on a piece of paper.

“That was the estate Agent Alex, she phoned to give you the name of the cemetery where your mother is buried. Oh and she told me to let you know that your parcels are on their way to America.”

“Great thanks Lover.”

“Come on Alex I think we could do with an early night.”

“Yeah tomorrow we can call at the cemetery then on to Tunguska.”

“Alex we don’t have to go there now, not after everything that you’ve being through.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t even believe Alex had remembered about going there, shit or that he still even wanted to go.

“Fox we planned to go so we might as well while we’re here, also it will be better than just sitting here bored all day.”

“Only if you really feel up top it Alex, don’t force yourself on my account.”

” I’m fine Lover so don’t worry; come-on we might as well get that early night you mentioned.”

“Yeah that sounds good Babe.”

We both got undressed and climbed into bed, Fox held me tight in his arms and covered me with kisses.

“You’re gorgeous Alex.”

“Fox you’d tell me anything when we’re in bed.”

“Alex I’d tell you the same thing in and out of bed.”

“Fox can you just shut up and kiss me.”

I held Alex in my arms and kissed him passionately, I then moved lower and sucked his hard nipples into my mouth. It wasn’t long before I had him moaning rather loudly, the man was so expressive when he was turned on.

“God I’m so turned on by you Fox.”

“Yeah Babe I’d sort of noticed.”

“Make love to me Fox, I want to feel you and for you to take all the pain away.”

“Just hold on a minute then.”

I got up and started rummaging through the bags, I soon found what I was looking for and couldn’t get back to Alex fast enough.

“God what kept you Lover?”

“Hey less cheek as I was as quick as possible, also I’m getting old you know.”

“Fox will you just shut the hell up and fuck me.”

“Alex I’m going to make love to you, so you had better try being a bit more patient.”

I got back in to bed and prepared Alex, I made sure I applied plenty of lube to his backside and my fingers.

“Fox I need you inside me right now Lover.”

“I’m on it Babe.”

I parted his ass cheeks and entered him slowly, I knew that this would really drive Alex wild with desperation.

“Jesus Fox can you stop messing about and get on with it?”

“Hey I was just trying to be nice and gentle Babe.”

“Fox.”

Obviously he wasn’t in the mood to have me wind him up or take it slow, I never even tried to do it slow and in one fluid motion I was buried deep inside him.

“You want to be punished don’t you Alex, you want to suffer because you blame yourself for everything bad in your life?”

“God yes Fox I want you to punish me, hell I need you to make me feel it for days.”

“Alex I’ll punish you, but I’m not prepared to do anything that will harm you is that understood?”

“I know and I trust you Fox, I’m willing to put my life in your hands Lover.”

I pulled out so far and then shoved back inside him hard, I then had to hold back and remember just where we were.

“You wait until I get you back home Babe, I’ll put you over my knee and really punish you.”

I grabbed hold of his nipples and squeezed them really hard, I then leant forward and proceeded to lightly bite them.

“Shit Fox I’m goanna come.”

Alex came and tightened his ass muscles as he did so, he forced me to also come deep inside him taking all my energy away.

“Jesus Fox I’m exhausted now.”

“Hold on while I just get a cloth Babe.”

I grabbed a warm wet cloth and cleaned us both up, I then returned and joined Alex back in the bed.

“I think when we get back home we need to talk Babe.”

“What about?”

“Your need to be punished, also my need to punish you.”

“See look Fox we make a perfect pair.”

“Yeah I’m serious though Alex.”

“Yeah I know that you are Fox.”

“Come on Babe we best get some sleep now.”

I lay there unable to sleep as it felt strange being back here in Russia, on top of that I’ve had to deal with a lot just lately. It was a strange feeling as I hadn’t seen my mother for years, yet I’d always known she was out there should I need her. 

Yet now I truly realize what I’ve lost and that I’ll never see her smile again, knowing that I no longer have a mother or home that I can go back to. It hurts so much, it’s just like this constant ache that I can’t do anything about.   
I must have eventually fallen asleep at some point, Fox was stood there waking me up with a mug of hot coffee.

“Come on Babe we need to get moving.”

“Yeah true Lover, I just need to get a quick shower first.”

Within an hour we had a cab and was on our way to the cemetery, I wasn’t looking forward to this at all as it seemed so final. It was also a rather cold and chilly morning, I just had to keep reminding myself exactly where I was. The cemetery was a massive wide open space and it was freezing, at least I managed to find the right grave without any problems. Fuck I forgot that my mother had thought I was dead at first, the headstone bore two names carved in to the stone. One was my mother’s name Alexis, the other was my own name and I just wanted to throw up.

“Hey Alex are you okay, come on Babe you don’t look too good.”

“It’s just seeing my own name on a headstone, I guess it feels a bit creepy especially when you’re still alive.”

“Yeah but at least it only has one date for you Babe.”

I’d been so disturbed by my name that I’d not read the rest, it had my date of birth but no date of death,

“She knew Alex; I’m guessing eventually she wants you to be buried with her.”

“Yeah maybe Fox.”

I put some flowers on the grave and then we left, I just wanted some space at the moment and time to think.

“Come on Fox we’ll go and find a lift.”

“Can’t we just call a cab Alex?”

“None will go out to that part of Tunguska unless you pay a lot, we’ll soon find someone that’s going that way.”

“I guess it’s just as well you speak Russian Alex.”

We walked up towards the main road and I stuck my thumb out as the cars past, it was over an hour later that a truck pulled up that was making deliveries., I knew that it was going to take a few hours to get there, I huddled up to Fox as I was reminded just how cold Russia can be at times.

We finally arrived and I thanked the driver for the ride, it felt really good to be able to stretch my legs once more. We finally made it to the top of a small hill and looked down, Fox then pulled out a pair of binoculars he’d brought with him.

He was really excited about coming here, I guess it had to do with all the strange stuff he was in to. Well I guess he really was strange anyway, well at the end of the day he was going out with me.

“What are we doing here Fox?”

“June thirtieth nineteen 08 Tungus tribesmen and Russian fur traders look up into the south eastern Siberian sky and see a fireball striking towards earth. 

When it hit the atmosphere, it created a series of catacrotic explosions that are considered to be the largest single cosmic event in the history of civilization. Two thousand times the force of the bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima.

“What was it?”

“It’s been speculated that it was a piece of comet, an asteroid, or even a piece of anti-matter. The power of the blast levelled trees in a radial pattern for two thousand kilometres. No real definitive evidence has ever been found to provide a satisfying explanation of what it was.”

I look through the binoculars to see some men digging, then one of the men falls to the ground and someone whips him.

“What is it?”

“It looks like some sort of mining camp.”

“What?”

“I don’t think they’re minors.”

I can hear horses coming from the distance, I started to have a really bad feeling about all of this.

“Alex run.”

Alex ran in the opposite direction to me, I’m a fast runner but can’t outrun the horses. They manage to finally catch up to me, the next thing I know I’m waking up in some sort of cell. I can hear someone speaking to me in Russian, there’s someone else in another cell next to mine.

“I don’t speak Russian.”

“Then no one has told you.”

“Told me what?”

“You were brought here to die, to wish that you were dead.”

“I wasn’t brought here; I came here looking for something.”

“The only thing you’ll find here is death and suffering.”

“What is this place?”

“This place? A gulag, a place where the guilty rule the innocent. I look up as the cell door opens, two guards are there and they have Alex’s right arm twisted behind his back. 

I notice that they just push him in to the cell with me, shit it’s then that Alex starts clawing at the bars on the window. Shit I have a bad feeling like we would die in here, who the hell would think to look here for us both.

“We gotta get out of here, they’re going to torture us Fox.”

“How do you know Alex?”

“They were questioning me, trying to get me to confess.”

“To what?”

“To being a spy Fox.”

Shit I lost my temper big time and slammed Alex against the wall, I then put my arm across his throat.

“What did you tell them Alex?”

“That we were stupid Americans lost in the woods, Fox you’re going to need me in here, make sure you don’t touch me like that again.”

“God I’m sorry Alex.”

“Yeah right.”

I really was sorry but I was also so afraid, I was starting to wonder if we’d even get out of here alive.

“Alex please believe me.”

“Yeah I know you’re sorry Fox and so am I.”

“Where the hell are we Alex?”

“It’s Russia Fox, this is an old gulag that appears to still be in use.”

“How the hell are we meant to get out of here?”

“I’ve no idea Fox, they used to just work prisoners to their death in places like this.”

“Fuckin great.”

Alex remained quiet and I knew his brain was working over time, I knew that I shouldn’t have been so hard on him but I was also lost in thought too.   
Great the bottom of the door opens; someone shoves a couple of bowls in with this disgusting looking stuff in.

I watch as Alex starts to drink from the bowl, that was when I pulled a large roach out of my own soup. I make a point of holding it up for Alex to see, maybe then he won’t carry on eating it.

I watched as he threw his own bowl down in disgust. The noise drew the attention of the guards, one enters and then pulls Alex up from the floor. He started to speak to the guards in fluent Russian, before I knew what was happening they took Alex away.

XXXXXXXXXX

I demanded to see the supervisor, it took some time convincing the guard but finally he listened to me. I was then dragged in to a small room with a desk, there was also a chair facing the large desk. The guard forced me down on to the chair, he then stood over me making sure I couldn’t move. 

It wasn’t long before a man entered the room, he then went and sat down at the desk facing me. I was starting to get rather nervous as he watched me, however I knew that my own life and Fox’s would depend on the outcome of this.

“So can you tell me what made you better than everyone else, why is it that you think I should listen to you?”

“We weren’t meant to be here, we are tourists but I am Russian born.”

“I’m still waiting.” 

“My family are part of the K.G.B, and I also have a lot of ties here in Russia, believe me I could make things become really nasty real fast.”

“So what is your family name that you speak of, let’s see if you’re as connected as you claim to be.”

“Artzen is the name of my uncle and also my father was Krycek.”

“Very well you can stay here while I go and check it out?”

Great now I was left alone again with the guard, it was like he couldn’t take his eyes off me at all. I just remained silent while I waited, at least it wasn’t long before I had more company again.

“Right I’ve asked around and know who your family are, even so you can still only carry so much protection using that name.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shit now I was starting to feel really nervous once more, I just wanted to be anywhere but Russia right now.

“We can’t injure you too much, but you will still be held accountable for trespassing.”

“Fine I’m willing to accept that; so how do you plan on punishing me.”

“I’m unsure as of yet, you are to remain in this room until I decide.” 

“What about the other man, the one that was in the same cell as me?”

“He’s American and that doesn’t look good does it, how do we know he’s not a spy for them?”

“He came here with me to visit my family, he will carry the same protection as I do.”

“Very well we won’t kill him, however he won’t be released until he’s been punished for trespassing too.”

“Very well.”

“Right I’ve changed my mind and you won’t be staying in this room, take him and have him put in a separate cell.”

“What, why are you locking me back up?”

“This is a special cell just for certain guests.”

“Why is it special?”

“If you want to get out of here alive you’ll stop asking questions. Take him there now, I want him to be treat the same way as our other special guests.”

I was pulled up from the chair and dragged along the corridor, soon I was being shoved from behind in to another cell. I’d thought the guard was going to leave me alone, maybe just lock me in so I couldn’t escape. That’s why I was surprised when he entered and then locked the door behind himself.

“Strip now.”

“What are you fuckin serious?”

“Do it or I’ll remove them for you?”

He just stood there watching with the baton in his hand, I knew that I had no choice but to do what he asked.

I started to remove all of my clothes, Jesus at this rate I’d just freeze to death.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit the next thing I knew the guards were pining me down, it was then that they injected me with something and I was dragged from my cell.

I came around some time later to find I’d been returned, I then noticed that I was still alone and had no idea where Alex was. I could hear someone talking to me, I’d just been laying there on the cold floor in a tight ball.

“Prisoner, hey prisoner I thought maybe you were dead.”

“How long have I been lying here?”

“Hours… I don’t know but the first time is bad.”

“They’ve done this to you?”

“Yes it becomes easier each time... until it kills you.”

“What did they do to me?”

“You have been exposed to the black cancer.”

“Black cancer?”

“The cancer that lives in the rock.”

I moved towards a small hole in the wall, I could just make out the other prisoner’s eyes.

“Who are you?”

“I was a geologist… quite well known actually, but now I’m just a test subject.”

“You helped them find the rock?”

“I was there when they brought up the first fragments. This was before the mining… before we knew what lived in the Tunguska rock.”

“How many men have died here?”

“Hundreds maybe more, the search for the cure goes slowly.” 

“Is that what they say the tests are for, to find a cure?”

“No they tell us nothing. We are left to guess and imagine the reasons for our torture, but what else could it be?”

“What happened to the man that was in the cell with me?”

“He is most likely dining with the men responsible for our torture, I heard laughter when they left your cell.”

“I’m not going to die.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have to live long enough to kill that man.”

The prisoner passes me something through the small hole.

“Where did you get this?”

“I made it to kill myself, it took me two weeks but by then I’d lost the desire.”

“You’d rather suffer the torture!”

“It is wonderful the persistence of life. That rock we found buried so deep in the earth that anything could survive down there goes beyond all reason, no they will have to kill me themselves.”

I was now really starting to believe that I was going to die here, also how the hell could Alex betray me like this. He loved me and I was sure of that, hell we’d been through so much together.

What was it the prisoner had said, the preservation of human life can force someone to go to drastic lengths to survive. Would Alex hand me over to secure his own freedom, I then remembered back to the man that I’d abused in the past. 

The very same man that I’d fallen in love with, also the man that I would do anything to protect. I’d seen Alex after he found out about his mother and he’d been a complete wreck.

There was just no way that he’d do that to me, I wasn’t prepared to accept anything different without proof. However I would hang on to the weapon I had, I could possibly still use it on a guard or someone else. I’d rather be dead and have them kill me than use me as a test subject.

I could always hope that Alex was somewhere trying to find a way out of here for us.


	28. Chapter 28

Great I was fuckin freezing now and felt like I’d been here for ages, all I wanted was to find Fox and get the hell out of here. I soon had company, but to be honest I’d rather have been left alone. Two guards walked in to the room, the first walked over to my clothes and put them in a bag.

“What’s going on and why are you taking my clothes?”

“We need to search them."

“For fucks sake, I’ve already told you that I’m not a spy.”

“Look we’re just following orders, we’ve been told to take your clothes and that’s what we’re doing.”

“Hey you’re not leaving me here again are you?”

“Somebody will be along shortly to deal with you.”

“Great I can’t wait.”

I sat back down on the chair bored, I had no idea what the punishment would be or when I’d get out of this hell hole. I’d take the punishment if it meant myself and Fox could leave here. I just hoped that Fox had been treat reasonably okay by the guards.

Soon I had two other people come into the room, they were followed by a third man who looked like he was in charge.

“Right we need to get a few things straight right here and now.”

“Such as?”

“We will be using your friend to test the black oil on, if he survives you can take him with you when you leave.”

“You fuckin bastards.”

“You can join him if you keep that up, then you both will just remain here to be tested on.”

“He’s supposed to have the same protection as me, how can he if it might end up killing him?”

“Well you’ll be glad to know he’s survived the testing so far.”

“So you were fuckin planning to use him all along.”

“Yes and he’s still alive and kicking, however that can change and the outcome will depend on you.”

“You’d better make sure he stays that way then.”

  
“Well anyway back to the subject at hand, it’s time that we now dealt with your punishment.”

“Jesus fine whatever, can we just get it over with then?”

“I will leave you in the hands of these two guards, if you behave and take your punishment you’ll be free to leave.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes as it’s only a punishment to teach you a lesson, you have to learn and as a Russian you should have known better.”

“Known what better?”

“Not to go around trespassing and sticking your nose in to other people’s business.”

“Yeah fine I get the point.”

“Very well I’ll be back soon.”

I had a feeling that things were going to really painful real soon.

“Right face the wall, place your arms and legs outwards against the wall.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I went and faced the wall, it was then that I noticed the metal rings attached to the wall. The rings had a small chain with metal cuffs added. One of the men came over and fastened my wrists to the cuffs, he then went and repeated the same procedure with my ankles. 

I was now stretched out against the wall and it was already painful, it was then I heard the guards whispering to each other. Shit it was then that I felt agonizing pain as the whip came down, the guard was brutal and put all his strength in to the whipping without letting up.

I just had to hope that they weren’t planning on using it too many times. I couldn’t hold back the screams any longer and the pain became worse, shit I think half of Russia must have heard me screaming now.

XXXXXXXXXX 

It was freezing in the hell hole; I was literally starting to feel really ill by the minute. I’d being tested on three times now, that plus the crap they kept feeding me was not helping whatsoever. I’d still not seen anything of Alex since he was dragged from the cell, shit now I was starting to wonder if the other prisoner was right.

Had Alex managed to betray me yet again to free himself, I’d tried so hard to not even think that was a possibility. I was now just sat here alone in my cell, I got as far in to the corner as I could and huddled in a tight ball. 

I was trying so hard just to keep warm, also I couldn’t control the sobs that racked my body. I had to try and muffle the sound the best I could, as I knew I’d be punished if the guards managed to hear me.

I started to think about things in general, Scully, my job along with everything else in my life. Shit would I even manage to see any of them or even America again. I had to face the fact that I was as good as dead, even with the weapon I couldn’t do any major damage to anyone. It was then I had to wonder where I’d go if I did get out.

First I’d need to get to St Petersburg and reach the American console, I had to accept that there was no way I’d make it there on foot. There was pretty much nothing out there but fuckin trees and more trees, oh and let’s not forget the freezing cold weather too. I knew that I wouldn’t survive longer than five minutes out there, my only hope of freedom had being Alex.

What a fuckin idiot I’d been, I really was left with no hope whatsoever of freedom. The prisoner in the other cell talked to me from time to time, I guess it broke the boredom somewhat and kept me sane for now. He’d explained to me that after the third test they put you to work, so I guess I already knew what to expect next.

It was then I remembered what we’d seen that very first day here in Tunguska. There had been many men forced to work, then they were whipped and beaten as they collapsed from exhaustion. I knew that I would end up like those men, shit I was already sick and weak without even doing any work.

My new friend claimed we’d be worked until we dropped dead, after what I’d seen I had no trouble believing he spoke the truth. It was a place of death and nothing more, I guess my search for the truth was going to be my undoing, well that and putting my trust in to a certain rat bastard.

I knew that all this thinking was starting to make me ill too, but what else was there left for me to do other than think and worry. I just had to figure a way out of this hell hole, maybe I could even try stealing one of the horses or something. I knew that I had to think about myself now as I was once more alone, also the worst they could do if I try anything is too kill me.

The guards came around and brought some food, it was the type that would make you sick just from looking at it. I pushed it to one side as I’d rather starve than eat that crap, the guard then spoke in Russian and the other inmate had to translate it for me.

Apparently after the food we were to be sent outside to work and I knew I’d be dead by the end of the day, not that anyone here would even care about that. We were all dragged out of our cells and outside, we were all then made to just line up and wait.

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time they’d finished I was literally just hung there, my whole body was in agony and felt like it was on fire. I knew that I’d be suffering for weeks as the damage was that severe, also my limbs had been stretched and was now in agony too.

“Right someone will be along soon to get you cleaned up.”

“When can I leave?”

“That will be up to our supervisor not me.”

“Can you tell him that I want to speak to him now?”

Both guards just left the room without even answering my question, it was some time later before anyone even bothered to return. This time it was two different men, they removed all the chains and just watched as I collapsed to the floor in a heap. At the moment I couldn’t even feel my arms or legs, hell I just wished that I couldn’t feel my back either.

One of the guards threw a bucket of freezing cold water overt me, the other man dried me off afterwards. God the pain was unbearable as they were far from gentle, at the moment I was really struggling not to start screaming all over again.

“Please when can I go? I’ve done what you wanted me to do.”

“The supervisor will be here in a few minutes; he will also bring you some clean clothes.”

I knew that I had to behave, that or otherwise I wouldn’t be able to save myself or Fox. Great now the cramp was starting to set in, I tried moving but everything just hurt so much and it was unbearable. I was still sat there on the floor when the door opened once more, however this time it was the supervisor.

“Right I’ve been advised that you have accepted your punishment and that you handled it rather well.”

“Yeah right.”

“I’ve brought you some clothes, get yourself dressed and then you can have something to eat.”

“What about Fox?”

“Once we have you fully sorted out someone will bring him to you.”

Getting dressed took some time, it seemed to take ages to put just one thing on because of the pain., Shit the worst had to be my back so I knew it must be really bad, the clothes would be a constant reminder of what I’d suffered.   
The guards took me to a huge kitchen, I was then shown to a table where the supervisor was waiting for me.

“Please sit down, someone will bring you some food and then get you a coat. After that you will meet me outside while we sort your friend out.”

“Very well and thank you for also letting him go too.”

The man got up and left, in the meantime I was brought some meat and vegetables to eat. I had no idea at all what the meat was and I was beyond caring, I’d need my strength for the journey back home. Afterwards I was brought a thick winter coat, it was then that someone took me outside to wait for Fox.

I was glad of the coat; I was starting to realize just how cold it was standing here waiting. I spent my time just looking around the place, the place was a total hell hole and the prisoners treat like shit. They were filthy and seriously overworked, most of them already looked like they were at deaths door.

I had to hope that Fox had managed to come through this okay, I was also hoping that the tests had not made him ill or had serious side effects. I stood there and was starting to freeze even with the coat now, if someone didn’t come soon I’d end up like a block of fucking ice.

Finally, the supervisor reappeared and I knew just to stay calm, I had to appear grateful that they were letting us both leave here alive. I smiled as he came over and shook my hand, then he hugged me and I tried not to scream from the pain.

I then heard some sort of commotion, the guards suddenly all looked around for the cause of the disturbance. As I turned and saw Fox but it was all too late, I never even got the chance to explain anything to him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, it seemed that the other prisoner had been right about Alex all along. There he was as large as life, all warm and he appeared to be kissing the guard’s backsides as they hugged one another. It appeared that I had just been used yet again, I never even thought about it as I charged and knocked him onto the back of a truck.

I totally lost all control and started punching him over and over again, I wanted Alex to suffer just like I myself had suffered. It was in that split second that I noticed the key, I guess my brain clicked in to gear and saw freedom. This would be my only chance of escape, my only way out of this hell hole other than dead.

I jumped into the cab and drove straight through the gates, it was only then that I realized Alex was still in the truck. They soon opened fire on the truck and started chasing me, however the truck was far faster than any of their horses.

The truck started to pick up even more speed, shit it was about then I realized the fuckin breaks didn’t work. Alex had woken back up and kept on pounding against the glass of the cab, however there was nothing I could do and I knew I was going to crash. I think at that point Alex also realized, the bastard just abandoned me yet again and rolled off the truck.

I’m left with no choice but to crash into a ditch, I put my hands over my face and have to just go with it. I crawled out of the truck window and hid in some really thick leaves, yet it wasn’t long before the truck driver managed to find me.

Soon he dragged me back to his home despite my protests, I found myself shoved through the doorway and onto the hard floor. The driver’s wife tried to help me out, however their answer was just to cut off my arm as that would mean no tests.

I offer to pay for his truck in return for help, all I need is some help to get to Saint Petersburg. They know someone who’s willing to help after I tell them I work for the American government.

The truck driver took me to someone who’d help get me to an airport, apparently it was going to take a few hours to get to Krasnoyarsk. Once there I could get a plane to Saint Petersburg and then visit the American embassy.   
It turned out to be a long slow journey to reach the airport, luckily I spent a lot of that time just sleeping. 

I tried not to think about everything I’d been through, I knew there was no way I’d be coming back to Russia. Even on the flight to America I felt so tired and lethargic all the time, I guess the sleep would do me some good after previous events. 

I also knew that I was trying to not think about Alex, or just how the hell he could do that to me once more... I’d come to the conclusion that Alex must really hate me to go to those lengths. 

However, I was overwhelmed when I stepped back on American soil, I truly believed that I was going to die back in Russia and all alone. All I wanted was to go back home, as for everything else that could wait until tomorrow.

When I finally arrived back home it felt so strange, every bloody room had something that belonged to Alex in it. I grabbed a long shower and then just dressed in my underwear, I knew that I couldn’t face sleeping in that bed anymore so the couch it was to be.

I sprawled out on it and turned the television on, I don’t even know why I bothered as I wasn’t even watching it. I noticed the photo on the shelf of myself and Alex together and felt so alone. I threw the remote at the photo causing it to fall and smash on the floor.

How the hell had I managed to be such a fuckin idiot, had that been Alex’s big plan all along to just destroy me? I lay here wondering if it was just lies, or had he felt at least something for me. I knew that I was just making myself even more depressed as time went on, I had a deep down feeling that I’d never see Alex again anyway.

Shit my biggest problem was that I still loved Alex, I’d even tried telling myself that he’d wanted me and had loved me too. How the hell could I deny though what I’d seen with my own eyes, Alex had treat those Russians like they were part of his family.

I tried to stop thinking and just get some sleep, tomorrow I’d return to the Hoover and see Skinner and Scully.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that Fox had attacked me like that, I was so close to leaving and for us to go home together. I knew that I had no choice but to get off the truck as it became out of control, I’d rolled off the back and hit the ground really hard. I’d managed to land on my right arm, which was crap as now it would be hard as it was my only functioning arm.

I ran deep into the woods and had no idea where I was going, I just struggled to keep my balance as now my back hurt once more. However at the moment I didn’t have time to worry about my injuries, a sudden noise startles me and I’m no longer alone.

“What do you want from me?”

“Why do you run?”

“I have escaped from a prison camp.”

“You are a liar.”

“I am an American and I’ve been falsely accused of spying.”

“Then your enemy is mine, we can protect you.”

I finally start to relax slightly and maybe I’m safe until I rest, I try not to question them as to why they all lack their left arm. I have to admit that they treat me well and provide me with some food, which I have to admit is really good and makes me tired. When night finally arrives they give me a blanket to use, also someone has built a rather large warm fire.

I felt so alone at the moment and couldn’t understand what was going on, or what I had done to Fox to make him react that way towards me. I tried so hard to get some sleep but I guess my mind was working overtime, I wanted Fox back and my life. It took some time and I was finally drifting off to sleep, yet I woke suddenly as I heard a loud snapping noise.

Suddenly I found myself completely surrounded by all the peasants, fuck I look up as they try to pin me down and that’s when I see the knife. I can tell by the colour that it’s red hot and then it dawns on me what they’re planning on doing with it. 

Fuck no they start ripping away at my clothes and I can feel the heat before they even touch me, there’s just so many of them and I don’t stand a chance. I start screaming as the knife gets closer to my skin, then suddenly the pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

They just keep on hacking away at my arm, nothing makes them stop as I scream and plead for it to end, I guess then my body and mind can’t take any more of the torture, I finally just slip into total darkness. I gather that I’d been out of it for some time as it was daylight now and the fire had burnt out, I was aware that there were some voices close by too.

Fuck suddenly I remembered my arm as I felt the pain, I looked down to see nothing but an empty sleeve and started throwing up. I knew that my left arm had being useless and had just hung there, but hell at least I’d still felt whole. Now I found myself unable to put my feelings into words, I just want to get away from everyone and away from here.

I hear them talking and realize why they did it to me, at the end of the day they believed that they were helping me, however I still have this deep down urge to kill them all. 

Yet I’m stuck here at the moment with no one else, also there was no way that I was well enough to leave here yet. There were still some people in Russia that might help me, I’d just need to make sure I was strong enough to travel first that was all.

I started to wonder if I’d ever get back to America again, also if I’d ever see Fox and have a chance to explain things. Then I had to wonder if it was even worth the hassle of trying to go back, what was there even to go back too as Fox no longer wanted me. I wondered if he attacked me because he hated me or if he was causing a disturbance, yeah maybe I’d just try and make myself believe that was the reason.

I knew I really wanted to go back to America but I would need a reason, we’d been through so much and I wasn’t ready to believe Fox hated me that much. Shit then suddenly I had something even more worrying to think about, what if they caught him and he never even made it back himself.

I was to spend the next few days in severe agony, my right arm still hurt from the truck, my back was still a mess and I had no fuckin left arm at all. Life fuckin sucked big time and I would need to move on, at least I finally managed to find a lift to take me so far. 

Vassily Pescow was an old family friend, I knew if I could even just get to see him I’d be safe for a while at least. I just needed somewhere that I could lay low for a few months, I would have to get this arm fully healed before even attempting to leave Russia.

XXXXXXXXXX

Morning came around really fast and I still felt like shit, yet I knew I’d have to force myself to move and face the world. I decided to finally get up and go for a shower, everywhere I looked everything just screamed Alex. 

It didn’t help as he had so many clothes and other things here, I got on with the shower and got dressed. I’d tried to just block everything out but it was impossible, now I was left here feeling totally shit.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a refuge bag, then I started pulling things out of draws and shoving them in the bag. Once it was full I just carried on throwing the rest onto the bed, it was then that I just collapsed onto the bed and cried.

It was over an hour later when I finally moved, I then shoved the remainder of his stuff into another bag. I was going to have to try and put Alex behind me and move on, yet it was far easier said than done. I grabbed the three bags and put them outside my door, I then decided to grab a quick coffee before leaving.

On my way out I grabbed hold of the bags and took them to my car, I just opened the trunk and threw them inside. What was that old saying, out of sight out of mind? Maybe I could make a trip after work to some charity shop or other. Most people were actually surprised to see me, I never even realized that I’d been away from work for so long.

I went down to the basement and would start in my own office, I was just quite pleased that the room was empty and I could have some time alone. I opened and closed my draw and just looked around the place, it was then that Scully returned to collect some things of hers.

“Hey Scully.”

“Mulder what a nice surprise, I wasn’t expecting to see you back at work for a while at least.” 

“The last few days have been murder, I thought that coming to work might help me get back to normality.”

“Has Alex come back with you, I meant to ask how things went with his mother.”

“He found out his mother had died, also there’s no me and Alex anymore as it’s over.”

“How come, you two seemed like you were made for each other, you sacrificed so much Mulder to make it work?”

“Scully it just didn’t work out okay, Alex turned out to be nothing more than a traitor yet again.”

“I thought you’d managed to get past all of that Mulder?”

“Yeah so did I, look we ended up in Tunguska and then a gulag.”

“I’ve heard some bad things about those Russian gulags.”

“Yeah well Alex dearest sold me out to secure his own freedom.” 

“Oh Mulder I’m so sorry and I really had believed that Alex had changed.”

“Yeah well I was the biggest fool of all Scully, shit I was taken in hook line and sinker.”

“It can happen to the best of people Mulder, you can’t keep blaming yourself for it.”

“There’s no one else to blame, I was the idiot that was taken in by his looks and charm.”

“Mulder you have to admit that Alex always had plenty of charm.”

“I just don’t see how he could do that after all we went through.”

“Was he well at the time Mulder? It’s just I thought that he still had some disabilities.”

“Yeah his leg could play up now and then, also his left arm is of no use at all. Mentally he’s had a few problems trying to relate to things, you have to have patience with him or he becomes extremely emotional.”

“Could it be the brain injury? Maybe it’s affected him more than you first thought.”

“At first I wanted to believe that, but then I saw him with the guards Scully. Shit he was just laughing and joking with them all, it was like he hadn’t a care in the world and they were his best friends.”

Now I just looked like a total fuckin idiot yet again, poor pathetic Mulder’s all alone again. I was suddenly unable to stop the tears as my body ached with the loss, I felt like I’d now lost all control along with everything else.

“Mulder grab your jacket and I’ll drive you home, I can then just call a cab to come back here.”

“I’m fine Scully and I can drive myself, I guess that I shouldn’t have come back to work straight away.”

“Go home Mulder now, take some time off on medical grounds and I’ll clear it with Skinner.”


	29. Chapter 29

 

Time was passing by too fast, at least I’d managed to find safety in Saint Petersburg. I was just glad that it was somewhere safe that I could get some rest and hopefully heal. My trip to Russia had cost me so much, I found out I’d lost my mother, shit and then I lost Fox along with my arm.

I was pissed off at the world and was becoming severely depressed now, I’d also taken up drinking which wasn’t helping matters at all. I’d had no access to the anti-depressants since the gulag, I also knew that I was expected to take them without fail and that was before the loss of my arm.

Yeah my brain was unbelievably fucked up as I also had severe emotional problems. My temperament was not the best, yet without the pills I was suicidal most of the time. I was a fool to believe that Fox would still want me, also now I’m no longer even the same man he came to Russia with.

Apart from the obvious lack of my left arm, my back would now be scared for life from the whip. What a joke that was, it was the punishment I’d accepted to secure our freedom.

I knew that I had to get him out of my head, a couple more months and I’d be ready to receive an artificial arm. I’d already arranged ahead for it all to be done, they were just unable to do it until the scars had healed somewhat.

It didn’t matter how long it took to heal anyway, it wasn’t like anyone would even miss me. At the end of the day the pain in my heart was worse than anything else, even if I could fix everything else that part of me would forever remain broken.

I knew that I was just making myself worse as each day passed, I also knew that I was going to have to snap out of it soon. Hell even if it was just long enough to leave here, I may have been Russian born but I just wanted out. There was nothing at all to keep me here now, yet in all honesty there was nothing in America for me either.

I was a stubborn bastard and I’d go back no matter what, it was only a matter of time before I’d manage to find a way. I spent most of my days just stuck inside this tiny apartment, I guess that was also starting to get to me now as I felt claustrophobic. I guess it’s just hard when you’re a one armed man, maybe I might get some more confidence when I get my arm.

However, at the moment the furthest I’d go was always one of two places, either the local bar or liquor store. I just lay there and knock back even more of the vodka, even if it only helps me forget temporary it’ll be something. I really should try and get some help but the pills wouldn’t mix well with the vodka.

I hear Vassily enter the apartment, great he’ll be in five minutes and then start moaning at me for drinking. I go into the small room that is where I sleep, that way I can always hope that he’ll just leave me alone for a change.   
I lay on the bed and can hear him move around, I don’t need him to tell me that I’ve well and truly outstayed my welcome.

He was great at first and willing to do anything for me, I can’t really blame him that he found me too hard to cope with. In all fairness I was perhaps the worst company anyone would want, I appear to be anti-sociable towards everyone at present.

I’d had to get back in touch with the estate agent too, due to unforeseen circumstances I was going to need some money. I told them that I’d need at least fifty percent, the rest could still go to the charity she’d chosen. 

My half was to pay for my living expenses, also I’d need it to pay for my new arm and let’s not forget the vodka too. The only other money that I had was totally untouchable, it was in a joint account with one Fox William Mulder.

XXXXXXXXXX

I drove myself back to my apartment, I should never have gone to work as all I did was make a fool of myself. I was so fuckin obsessed with the man; hell I hadn’t even managed to give his stuff away to charity.

All of his clothes and stuff still remained in the trunk of my car, I’d decided that they could just stay there for now. I didn’t want them back in my apartment, also it’s not like I ever used the trunk much anyway.

Maybe in time I would just forget all about them along with Alex, I grabbed all my mail and let myself into my apartment. As usual I was met with total silence, I opened my mail mainly just for something to keep my mind occupied. 

As usual there were mainly just the typical bills along with the usual junk mail, it was then that I saw the letter from the bank that was addressed to myself and Alex.

I opened the desk draw and threw it in, I would deal with the bank when I felt good and ready to do it. Not that I knew what I’d do with half of the money in the account, as by rights it belonged to Alex. I would let the bank deal with that problem later on, I had far more important decisions to make at the moment.

Do I go out somewhere and get drunk, or do I just buy a bottle and get drunk here instead. Shit I then remembered the last time I’d had a bottle of vodka here, which was the time Alex had drugged me. To hell with it maybe I’d just change and go out, it wasn’t like a couple of drinks could do any harm.

I changed into jeans and a tee shirt, then I ordered a cab to come and pick me up straight away. I wound up at some bar and found myself a seat, I ordered a double vodka to kick off with. However, sometime later I’d lost all track of how many I’d knocked back, not that I gave a shit as I was now totally pissed.

“Hey do you want some company, maybe I could buy you a drink and see where things lead.”

“Believe me I’m not good company at the moment.”

“Hey I’m willing to try if you are.”

“Look I just wanted a drink to forget about everything, so I don’t want to talk to you or anyone else.”

“Hey your loss pal.”

“Yeah that’s the story of my life.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I ordered another drink and soon realized I was totally wasted, I decided that maybe some fresh air might clear my head. It was a cool night and it felt good against my clammy skin. I walked around the corner and found myself slammed against the brick wall, fuck now my head hurt far worse than before.

“Did you think you could just brush me off that easy?”

“Please I didn’t mean to be offensive back there.”

“Yeah well you should have thought about that sooner.”

Suddenly I felt his mouth cover my own as he kissed me hard, all I wanted was to get away from him especially as he started tearing at my clothes. It was then that I heard someone else in the alley way, the man was pulled away from me and punched.

It didn’t take long before he was running off, while I just slid down the wall to the cold concrete ground.

“Look mate if I was you I’d just go home, otherwise someone else might just take advantage of you.”

“Yeah I will do and thanks for that.”

“No problem.”

Shit I think that I must have fallen asleep where I sat, as it was now early morning and the sun was already coming up. As for me I was now freezing and ached all over, I walked back to my apartment and it took twice as long as normal.

I walked in and just collapsed on to my couch, god I had one hell of a headache and wanted to throw up. I don’t think it was a good idea going out without any food, to be honest I couldn’t even remember when I last actually ate real food.

It was then that I heard the loud knock on my door, I didn’t want any visitors but forced myself to answer it. I opened the door to some youngster stood holding a parcel, it was then I noticed his identification tag.

“FedEx, I’ve got a parcel for either Alex Krycek or Fox Mulder.”

“Yeah I’m Fox Mulder.”

I signed for the parcel and closed the door behind the delivery man, I then went into the kitchen to get a knife.

XXXXXXXXXX

Finally, things were moving and I had my money in a bank, I’d had to set up a basic account then I planned to withdraw it all. I’d made the account in the name of Artzen and so far it’d worked. 

I’d got myself measured for the prosthetic arm, it was just this waiting game that was pissing me off. As much as I wanted the arm, it also disgusted me to think about having to wear it and how fucked up I am. To me it just looked like a large lump of hard plastic, I guess once I was fully dressed it might not be as noticeable. 

Shit but I myself would always know just how incomplete I now am, also it would have some hideous straps to keep it in place. For now, I just carried on drinking and I knew in time I’d have no choice but to accept it. 

I’d have to stay here for a few more months, I knew that I would have to be fully healed to try and leave Russia. Maybe it would be a good start if I stopped pissing off my host, but I was pissed off so believed that everyone else should be too.

After three months I’d go and get my new arm fitted, then I’d go and find some cheap accommodation so I could sort myself out. I would need time to get used to the arm, also I would need to learn to cope on my own again.

I lay there thinking about my life and what had happened, I realized that in the end everything had just been for nothing. I’d lived with the guilt of what I did to my mother, to then learn she’d known all along.

Then there had been Fox, hell I had the scars on my back because of what I’d done. I’d been willing to suffer the pain to save him, yet I’m the one that ended up with all the scars and minus my fuckin arm.

In all reality I had nothing left at all, I’d managed to lose everyone that meant something and who I loved. So why the fuck was I trying to get back to D.C? Because I was a fuckin idiot and knew I might get to see Fox. I’d take seeing him from a distance rather than not setting eyes on him ever again.

Right that was it, I’d had enough now of just sitting here in this same room. I managed with great difficulty to get myself dressed, however in the end I finally managed it. I then tried to pull my jacket on too, but now I was starting to get really pissed off. How the fuck am I supposed to feel when I can’t even dress myself, in temper I just threw the jacket down onto the floor.

I’d had enough of everything already; I was basically just a prisoner with the same four walls to stare at. How the hell was I ever going to be able to cope alone now, I didn’t want to have to depend on someone else for the rest of my life. Knowing me I’d fall asleep, then sober up and just repeat it all over again.

I lost what little patience I had left and threw the bottle at the wall, what was the point of all this suffering as there was nothing at the end of it.

“Alex what are you up to?”

“I’m fine Vassily I just dropped something that’s all.”

“I take it your drunk yet again.”

“What me?”

“Don’t be so bloody clever.”

“I’m not.”

“Alex sober up and take your tablets, that or you can just move out right now.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“Alex I mean it this time, you need to go and get yourself some help.”

I never even bothered answering as deep down I knew that he was right, at this rate I’d just end up drinking myself to death. Also I didn’t want to end up at another fuckin hospital or clinic, shit that would make me even more suicidal than I am now. I guess more than anything I just needed a reason to live, even if it was just one I’d take it.

I must have finally fallen asleep, I woke to really bright sunshine and an unbelievable headache. I had to pull the covers over my head from the sun, god my headache was getting worse by the very second. 

I knew that I’d have to stop drinking, I also knew that wouldn’t last more than maybe just a few hours. Once I fully sober up I always go and buy more vodka, maybe everything would change once I was whole again.

I guess today would be a good start to do things, the main one would be getting this room back into some sort of order. However, that would have to wait a few hours, I’d need to get rid of the hangover first. For now I would just remain here in my own little cocoon I’d made.

XXXXXXXXXX

I sat down and opened the parcel I’d received, I guess I hadn’t really paid much attention as Alex had packed it. I carefully pulled out a few photos, some were family ones and some of Alex on his own. He looked so happy in the photos when he was a kid, yet he’d grown up to be extremely temperamental. 

I’d loved the man so much, hell I still loved and wanted him even now. I carried on pulling things out of the box, it was then that I pulled out the small teddy bear and the blanket that had belonged to Alex. 

I really couldn’t take any more of this at the moment, I collapsed on the floor and started sobbing. I was still on the floor a few hours later when Scully arrived, she’d let herself in and then came rushing over to me.

“Jesus Mulder, Mulder talk to me and tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m fine Scully.”

“Don’t you dare give me that bullshit Mulder, it’s pretty damn obvious that you’re far from okay.”

“Scully please don’t worry about me.”

“Mulder I’m not leaving here until I get you sorted out, you can go and get a shower Mulder while I make us some coffee.”

“Fine, whatever if it gets you off my back.”

“Well it will do for a start.”

I took myself off to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, shit I hardly recognized the face that stared back at me. I just looked the other way and turned the shower on. 

To add insult to injury I noticed my pale naked reflection, it was only then I realized just how thin I was becoming and I should eat. I guess it’s not my fault that I have no appetite at all, I couldn’t force myself to eat without throwing up.

I spent a while in the shower enjoying the warm water, oh and maybe I was also trying to put off going back out there. Soon I was left with very little choice and would have to face the wrath of Scully, I suppose I might as well just go and get it over with.

“Finally, I was starting to think that you were avoiding me Mulder.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Because you know I won’t just let this drop, look at yourself Mulder as you’ll look like a Skeleton soon.”

“Hey I’m not that bad, I need to lose a few pounds anyway.”

“So you refuse to eat because of Alex, so you’re just going to let him win then Mulder? He’s already ruined your life more than once, yet you just keep on letting him do it, shit and he’s not even around.”

“I’ve already told you that I’ll be okay, please Scully just drop it will you?”

“Mulder you need to forget about Alex and get on with your life, you can’t keep this up any longer.”

“I love him Scully, why would he do this to me after everything we’ve gone through together?”

“Mulder maybe it was just a game all along, you said that you hurt him really bad so maybe it was revenge.”

“No Scully he was genuine and I could tell that a mile off.”

“Mulder maybe you just fell for his lies.”

“I would have known if he’d been lying to me Scully.”

“Mulder Alex was always good at it, how many times in the past did he lie to you?”

“He had no choice back then Scully.”

“Mulder you’re just seeing what he wants you to see.”

“Scully the man killed my father to protect me.”

“Look I don’t want to argue with you, just give it some time and it will get easier. However, you really do need to eat Mulder, what use will you be to anyone if you become really sick?”

“Fine I’ll eat something if it makes you happy.”

“Good I’ll go and make you some toast, you’ll need to start off with something light.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“God and you claim that Alex can be stubborn.”

I had to sit and eat two slices of toast, my stomach was not happy about the idea to say the least. I had to put up with her until I’d finished every bit, finally she left after promising me that she’d be returning tomorrow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Three fuckin months I’d put up with living here, also three months I’d had to manage with only one fuckin arm too. Okay I admit that I spent most of that time drunk and out of it, but now the time had come to finally get my new arm. Once I get it fitted it’ll be time for me to move on, time for me to go and find my own place for a few months.

I’d had mixed feelings about getting this new arm, but now here I am taking a cab to the clinic. In the end I decided to use a clinic that specializes in limb replacement, not that I was sure yet just how good it was going to be.

“Good day Mr Krycek, I’m Doctor Thompson and I’m the one dealing with your care.”

“Yeah nice to meet you too, also can you please just call me Alex.”

“Very well Alex, I’d like for you to follow me into the examination room please.”

I followed the Doctor into a small bright examination room, he then waved over at the chair for me to sit down.

“Can you please remove your jacket and tee shirt please Alex, then I’ll be able to take a look at the scar tissue.”

“Yeah no problem.”

I did as I was asked and then just sat there, I hated it when anyone at all had to look at my arm as it made me feel pathetic and weak. Then the Doctor started touching the stump and I wanted to throw up… I just wanted to yell and tell him to leave me alone. Yet I knew he was only doing his job, the job I myself had paid him to do.

I knew that all of this was essential if I wanted to feel somewhat whole again.

“Right Alex it appears to have healed rather well, however there are some other things to do first.”

“What things? I just thought you fit it and then let me go.”

“It’s not that easy, we don’t know how it will feel at first and it might even need altering.”

“So what do I have to do then so I can get out of here?”

“I will need you to be an inpatient for a few days that’s all.”

“That’s all, yeah right it’d better not be any longer than that.”

“I get the impression that you dislike hospitals, but believe me this is essential so you’ll be able to adjust and accept the limb.

“Fine I’ll do it then; I need to be well enough to travel to D.C soon.”

“Right I’ll get the arm and we’ll give it a test drive shall we.”

“Yeah okay that sounds good.”

Fuck I really wasn’t looking forward to having to be kept here, at least going private allowed me to have the privacy of my own room. I know it was bad but lately I just didn’t want to be around anyone, soon the Doctor returned bringing my new arm with him.

“Here we are Alex, come on let’s get it tried on for size shall we?”

“Yeah I guess so.”

I sat there on a stool as the Doctor strapped it on and I hated it already, it was hard, bulky and ugly with the horrible straps.

“How does that feel Alex? It’s not too tight is it?”

“No that’s not the problem.”

“So what is then?”

“It just feels wrong.”

“That was one of the reasons we wanted to keep you here, we need to make sure you’re happy with it before you leave here.”

“Yeah I guess that it’s just going to take some time.”

“Right we can leave it on for a couple of hours and take it from there, I will then check it hasn’t rubbed or caused any problems.”

“Yeah okay, but how will I be able to put it on myself?”

“We will deal with that afterwards as there are other things to deal with first, the main one will be working on your balance so please stand for me.”

“Yeah sure.”

“How does it feel now?”

“Heavy and strange.”

“Are your medical records here or in D.C?”

“I would say that most are back in D.C, I might have some here why?”

“I just wanted to know if you have a problem with your balance, its okay as we’ll be able to get your medical records.

XXXXXXXXXX

Not long after Scully left I threw up, it had come on so sudden and I’d had to rush to the toilet. I knew my idea was bad but I no longer cared, I decided that I’d just forgo food for the moment. I really didn’t see the point in eating if it made me sick, maybe in time things might get better.

I plucked up my courage and returned to the box, I picked all the photos back up and soon had the box packaged up and sealed, I then just went and shoved it into the bottom of my closet.

It was to be another thing that was out of sight and out of mind, I dressed in some clean clothes and prepared to leave as I had someone to see.   
I know it was stupid but I just had to know, I decided that there was someone who might be able to help me.

It was some time later that I arrived at the lone gunmen’s headquarters, I just hoped that I’d made the right decision.

“Come on Frohike let me in.”

“What’s up Mulder? Long-time no see.”

“I want you to do something for me, it’s just a couple of things I want you to check out if you don’t mind?”

“No Mulder I don’t mind, so come on out with it and I’ll do my best to help you.”

“Can you get into the property records in Russia, I want some details regarding a certain house.”

“How come? Russia’s a bit far to commute to and from Mulder.”

“Very funny, I’m trying to find out if a house sold.” 

“Very well I’ll have a look for you, so what’s the address then?”

“Here I wrote it down for you.”

“Hang on then.”

Frohike started looking into the records for me, that was when I suddenly realized how quiet it was around here.

“So what have you done with Byers and Langley tonight?”

“They’re out in search of some story, someone had to man the post so to speak.”

“Yeah true.”

“What about you Mulder, no delectable Scully this evening?”

“No I’ve been trying to avoid her.”

“God why would you want to do something like that?”

“Because she wanted to play as my nurse.”

“God you don’t know how lucky you are Mulder, she can come and play nurse to me any day.”

“I’ll be sure to pass the message on to her Frohike.”

“Yeah you do that.”

“Anyway back to the present, have you managed to find out anything yet?”

“Yeah the house in question has sold Mulder, from the records it also sold for the full asking price.”

“Does it say anything else at all?”

“Apparently fifty percent was donated to a charity for abused children, beyond that there’s nothing else really.”

“Okay thanks’ for that, can I just ask another favour?”

“Shoot what is it?”

“Can you check hospitals and banks for the name Krycek?”

“Yeah okay hold on.”

“Fine.”

“Right I’ve gone through the records, the money from the house was paid to a Vassily peskow so I’ll check him out if you want?”

“Yeah you might as well.”

Apparently he lives in Saint Petersburg Russia and that’s all I can find out on him.”

“Yeah well that’s one place I have no intention of visiting again.”

“Right I ran the name through medical records and there’s nothing for an Alex Krycek, the closest to his name was Alex Artzen.”

“Does it say what Artzen was getting treatment for?”

“No I’m sorry Mulder.”

“Hey thanks anyway for trying, I suppose I’d better get going then.”

“Okay Mulder I’ll catch you later, don’t forget to say hi to Scully for me.”


	30. Chapter 30

Great I was now having to explain my past to the Doctor, how I’d already recovered from the coma along with everything else. As far as I was concerned there was only one thing I was thankful for, I was glad it was my left arm and not the right. Shit I’d have been well and truly fucked without my right arm, imagine not having the use of either arm. 

Okay given the choice I’d have rather kept both, but I think the time’s come to stop feeling sorry for myself. I knew that I’d have nightmares for years to come, also I knew that I could never stand that pain ever again. 

To be honest I don’t even know how I survived this time, maybe I wouldn’t have survived if I hadn’t passed out. Even so I really didn’t need to be thinking about all that right now, otherwise I’d start thinking about Fox and all that I’d lost.

“Alex are you okay as you look miles away?”

“Yeah I’m fine so don’t worry about it.”

“Right I’ll come back in a few minutes and show you your room.”

“Yeah okay thanks.”

The Doctor walked back across the room and handed me a portable buzzer.   
  


“Keep this in your hand in case you need any help at all.”

Soon the Doctor returned and showed me to my room, at least this one was really spacious with a bed and chair. There was also a T.V and what looked like a cable box.

“Right you’ll have most things you need right here, just make sure you use the buzzer if you need anything at all.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Do you have any questions before I leave?”

“Yeah just the one, am I actually confined to this room?”

“No feel free to move around, all I ask is that you please remain on the premises.”

“Yeah okay and thanks.”

“Very well, if there’s nothing else I’ll see you in a couple of hours’ time.”

“Yeah okay I’ll give it a test run then.”

I really felt trapped stuck here in this room, which was why I wanted to just go for a walk around. There were some massive gardens with a fountain, I also noticed that there were a couple of seats out there too.

At least the garden was now empty, I made my way towards a seat and sat down for a while. Shit I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, I thought that I’d had everything I wanted and now I have nothing.

All I am now is just a waste of space, to be honest I didn’t even know if I’d stay here. I already wanted to just get away from everyone, to be honest I was just prolonging everything. I had this deep down feeling that I’d not survive long out there, but I was too much of a chicken to end my life.

I just wanted to disappear and be alone, yet here I am planning to go back to D.C. I was thinking that that’s where it might all end, I just wanted to see the man I’d lost one more time. I bet Fox had moved on already with his life, knowing him he’d have just gone straight back to work. Maybe I might stay here just for a day or so, I would need to be able to balance and walk right before returning.

I finished my crying once more, I then just wiped my eyes and went back into the clinic. Once I was in my room I turned the T.V on just for something to do, I then just sat there and waited for the Doctor to return.

I had no idea what was even on the television, I guess that I was far too busy thinking about other things. For one I didn’t even have a fuckin passport, as that would have been lost when we went to Tunguska. So I knew when the time came I wouldn’t be flying, I’d have to find some other way of getting back to America.

I’d spent many years moving around in the shadows, I’d find a ride back to the U.S one way or another. All I had to do was make sure I was well enough to travel, just in case I had to defend myself against anyone.

XXXXXXXXXX

I drove back home feeling rather deflated, it was impossible to find Alex just like it always had been. I had no idea why I was even doing this to myself, for one I really wasn’t ready to go and face my empty apartment yet again. After locking my car I decided to go for a walk, anything was better than been trapped in that apartment and alone.

I sat down on a bench in the park, it was then I realized just how many people were a part of a couple. Shit now I was starting to feel even more alone than before, I had no idea where I could go or what I could do.   
What the hell, I soon found a liquor store and bought some vodka to drown my sorrows.

I ended up going back home and facing the loneliness once more, I decided it wasn’t a good idea getting drunk on the street, especially when you work for the F.B.I. At least the bottle of vodka was new and unopened, so there was no chance it was spiked like last time. 

How Alex could have hurt me that night, he could have raped me or even killed me if he chose. But no what had he gone and done, the bastard had made me hard and then kissed me.

Great now I was making myself hard just thinking about him near me, but that was back before Alex nearly killed himself by asphyxiation. Back before he became… shit became what?

I couldn’t bring myself to say it, it was just so final to even say it too myself. He was fuckin brain damaged because of me, I have no right whatsoever to sit here moaning and feeling sorry for myself. 

Everything was my fault because I’d started the chain that led to the events. I had to wonder what Alex was thinking at the moment, I didn’t believe for one minute that he’d never loved me.

Even Alex Krycek wasn’t that good a liar, also it would have been even harder after the brain injury. It didn’t matter how many times I went over it, Alex had gone and wasn’t coming back at all. I have no idea what is reasons where in the end, but after everything he still betrayed me. 

As I drank my mind started working overtime, shit if Alex came back to America where the hell would he go. At all costs he would avoid Spender, well that was unless he was back working for him.

Maybe I should go and pay Smokey a visit, see if he knows anything regarding Alex’s whereabouts. There was also the Englishman, he seemed to know a lot about Alex. However for tonight I’d just get drunk and try to forget everything, not that there was much chance of that.

I decided to put a video in to take my mind off things, but after a while even that started to bore me. All I could see was Alex and everything that I’d had, I’d honestly thought I’d found someone to spend my life with and be happy.

Life was just so fuckin unfair and cruel; I was hard from thinking about Alex but far too drunk to do anything. I have to wonder if it’s so wrong, that painful feeling in your gut when you’ve lost everything. I knew that I had Scully who was worried and wanted to help, but it just felt like I’d lost part of myself. I decided to turn off the video, maybe the sight of so many naked men weren’t helping matters.

I went into the closet and pulled the box back out, I took one photo of Alex back to the couch along with the remaining vodka. My biggest problem was the depression; the alcohol was just making me feel far worse than before but I had no intention of stopping. Maybe I might decide to stop before the night was over, well either that or when the bottle became empty.

I looked at the photo of Alex, he was so young and innocent looking with his gorgeous eyes and gorgeous smile. I had to wonder at what exact point all that had changed, I knew that his mother was everything to him and he’d have done anything for her. 

His father had been made to leave because of what he’d done, she’d stood by her son not her husband and to Alex that meant everything. I started thinking about how much he’d suffered in life; Alex had damn well spent nearly his entire life been abused. Everyone including myself had treat him like dirt, the only exception had been his mother.

I think I must have just drank myself to sleep as it was now morning, I looked up to see Scully shaking my shoulder.

“Come on Mulder the drink won’t help you.”

“No nothing will help me anymore now."

XXXXXXXXXX

I was officially bored to death now stuck in this place, I’d seen enough hospitals and clinics to last me a life time. The Doctors were all really helpful and tried sorting my arm, as I’d found it so hard to take it on and off on my own.

It was me that was the fuckin problem, I had a habit of fucking up everything I did in my life. I couldn’t control my emotions at all, I could also fly off the handle at the slightest things and become aggressive. I’d been told it was the side effects of the brain injury, which was the reason I was supposed to be taking medication.

I came off the pills over five months ago now and not by choice, but it was getting harder now and the outburst were becoming more frequent. I was now just sat here waiting for the Doctor to do his rounds, apparently he wanted to have a word with me and all I wanted was to leave here.

“Good morning Alex, do you feel up to talking to me today?”

Yeah I also had a habit of pissing the Doctor off and blaming him for everything.

“Yeah but I want to leave afterwards.”

“Look Alex you need some specialist help, it’s not just about your arm anymore now.”

“So just what is the problem then Doctor?”

I could feel myself starting to get worked up and losing control, I really didn’t want to end up hitting anyone.

“You have a few issues regarding your behaviour.”

“Look I’m here regarding my arm and that’s all, I pay to be here and get treatment and I’ll leave if I damn well choose.”

“Yes that’s initially true, however if we believe you may be at danger all of that changes.”

“Who the hell am I in danger from, have you actually looked at me and the fuckin state I’m in?”

“Alex you’re a danger to yourself and seem to be self-destructive, if you keep on refusing the medication things will just get far worse.”

“I’m not a fuckin junkie.”

“Alex they’re prescription meds, they won’t make you addicted to them and will help you.”

“So you’re just saying that I can’t fuckin cope with any of this, that’s what it comes down to doesn’t it?”

“Alex can you please just try and calm down, you’re not helping anyone with this kind of behaviour.”

“Yeah sorry I forgot I’m such a danger to everyone, look just fuck off and leave me alone.”

“Alex all I want to do is help you, but to do that I need your cooperation.”

“Just fuck off as I’m out of here.”

“I’m so sorry that it’s had to come to this Alex.”

I was sick of all this shit and it appeared to be the story of my life, but hell now this was just taking things way too far. The Doctor had pressed some button that he retrieved from his pocket, apparently he’d used it to summon two orderlies…

“Get the fuck off me, I swear that I’ll fuckin kill every last one of you.”

The orderlies held me down while the Doctor filled a syringe, I knew I could no longer fight them or stop the Doctor from injecting me.

The next thing I knew was waking up in a bed, a fuckin hospital bed at that. The worst was when I looked down at my arm, I then started screaming and kicking until the Doctor finally arrived.

“You bastards, I’ll rip your fuckin heads off when I get free.”

“Alex it’s for your own good, if you can’t accept it and behave we’ll just keep you sedated until the medication works.”

“How do you expect me to feel when I only have one arm, yet I wake to find you’ve strapped me to a fuckin bed.”

“Maybe if you calm down a bit that can change, behave and we will remove the restraints.”

“Fine I’ll take the pills then if it makes you happy…”

“We’re already administering them through the drip Alex.”

Shit how the hell had I not noticed the drip, maybe because I saw the restraints and flipped out.

“So you can unfasten me now then?”

“I’m sorry Alex, but you’re going to have to remain this way for at least twenty-four hours.”

“Then what?”

“If you’re calm enough we can remove the straps and continue with your treatment.”

“Fuckin great.”

“However that behaviour and language won’t do you any favours.”

Fine I’d stay here for now, however soon I’d have to be well enough to get the hell out of Russia.

XXXXXXXXXX

Scully was a definite no to be around, even more so when you were suffering from a hangover.

“Mulder what the hell are you doing?”

“Well I was trying to get some sleep Scully.”

“For one it’s the bathroom and you’ve thrown up everywhere, two it stinks in here and you look a total mess.”

Shit I had no recollection whatsoever of moving off my couch, worse I didn’t even recall throwing up at all and was lucky I hadn’t choked.

“I had a rough night that’s all.”

“Mulder take a good long hard look at yourself, at this rate you’ll either starve or drink yourself to death.”

“I’m not that bad Scully.”

“Do you really think drinking will help you Mulder?”

“I just wanted to forget everything and for the pain to go away, is that so wrong to want that?”

“I know it’s hard but you have to snap out of it, you have to accept that Alex has gone for good.”

“Yeah I think I’m well aware of that now, but hey thanks for the reminder anyway Scully.”

“Mulder sort yourself out or I’ll have to have you committed, I refuse to stand by while you kill yourself.”

“Gee thanks Scully.”

“I mean it Mulder, you have two weeks and then I’ll act.”

“I thought you were my friend Scully?”

“I am your friend Mulder and I don’t want to do it, however if will if you leave me no choice.”

“Fine no more drinking I promise.”

“Mulder you have to eat too, otherwise you’ll end up in hospital without any help from me.”

“Hey it’s not my fault Scully, everything I eat just seems to make me sick all the time.”

“I’ll drop by later Mulder, I’ll bring you some meal replacement drinks and see if that helps. In all honesty I think you need to see a Doctor for the depression, I’m sure they could help you mentally until you’re well again.”

“Yeah okay I’ll give it a few days and then see, for now I think I just need to get some decent sleep.”

“Fine I’ll tidy the bed while you clean yourself up.”

I washed my face but still looked like shit, I knew she was right and I would need some food and sleep. I decided that I’d try and grab some sleep first, the food could wait until some other time. I went back in to the bedroom to find it all clean, everything had been moved of the bed including the photos of Alex.

I lay down on top of the bed, hell I was far too tired to even get under the covers. Maybe that was my biggest problem and why I couldn’t sleep, the bed reminded me too much of Alex and all that I’d lost. I pulled a blanket and pillow out of the closet, I’d go back to my old faithful couch and see if that helped at all.

“Mulder what are you doing?”

“I can’t sleep in that bed no matter what.”

“Fine you lay there then and I’ll get you a drink.”

Scully soon returned with a glass of milk for me, she was even considerate to bring me a couple of strong pain killers too.

“Thanks Scully.”

“Right get some sleep and I’ll call after work, are you sure you’ll be okay on your own Mulder until later?”

“Scully I’ll be fine, please just trust me.”

“If you say so Mulder.”

I heard the door click shut as Scully left me on my own, well at least I’d have some peace and quiet for a few hours. I thought it might be a good idea to get some sleep, or at least try and sleep that is. Shit I couldn’t even get comfortable on my couch any more, it just felt so alien and wrong to be sleeping here once more.

Shit I guess that the couch also held memories of my time with Alex, soon at the rate I was going Scully would end up been right about me. I’d either starve to death or end up in some mental institute, strapped down and restrained while they drug me.

I knew the time had come to start putting Alex behind me, it was either that or have no life whatsoever. Even so I still believed my life was worth nothing now without Alex, how can I just get over what I had with him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I put up with all the shit at the clinic and did as they asked, finally they removed the restraints that had held me down. There was no way in hell I was staying here any longer, I grabbed my bag and shoved all my stuff in it. I’d never really arrived here with much at all so it was easy, also at least I’d now learnt how to attach my arm myself.

Once out of here I’d just hitch a lift and see where I ended up, that or I guess I could just steal a car. Shit then it hit me, the only car I’d ever be able to drive now was an automatic. Well that would narrow down my choices drastically, I guess stealing a car was totally out of the question then. I opened my room door to leave, shit it was then I walked straight into the Doctor.

“I take it you’re leaving us Alex?”

“Yeah I have places to be and things to do.”

“Very well, right come with me and you can sign the paperwork.”

“Yeah okay, what’s the paperwork for anyway?”

“It’s just to confirm that you’re discharging yourself, also that you are happy with the arm we gave you.”

“Fine, whatever can we just get it over with then?”

I went with the Doctor into his office, I then took a seat and waited while he got the relevant paperwork. He finally returned and handed it all to me, I gave it a quick read to check I wasn’t signing my soul away to the Devil himself. 

For all I knew it could have been a trick, they might have got me to sign a paper committing myself to this fuckin hospital. All the paperwork turned out to be the regular stuff, soon I’d signed everything they wanted and I was ready to leave.

“Right there you go I’ve signed them all.”

“Thank you Alex, I also want to give you some medication to take with you. The anti-depressants will last you a couple of months, hopefully by that time you’ll be in a position to get some more.”

“Yeah I should be and thanks for everything Doctor, I know that I can be hard work at times or so I’ve been told.”

“Alex all that I ask is that you take them.”

“Yeah don’t worry I will.”

“Also here’s some cream for your arm, even though it should be okay if you take it off now and again.”

“Yeah okay.”

I thanked the Doctor for everything, I then grabbed my bags and paperwork before leaving. I’d spent quite a lot of money on this arm, I had a bit left and would have to use it wisely. I figured I’d have to buy a used car; it would be far too hard stealing an automatic as hardly anyone used them anymore.

I hailed a cab and took a trip to a used car sales room, everyone rushed to try and get the sale so they’d get the commission. Firstly I had to explain to them what type of car I would need. 

They told me that they only had two automatics available, also there was quite a difference in price. They tried their hardest to get me to buy the expensive one, however I only wanted it for a short time and money was tight.

Finally an hour later I bought the cheapest car, now it was time to just hit the road and keep on driving. I travelled by night and slept during the day, at least it was faster driving during the night. I had no real destination in mind and would need to think, however I did know that I wasn’t ready to leave Russia yet.

I was going to need some leverage first before I left here, I would have to make sure my safety was secure from the consortium. I knew that there was only one way that I could do that, I was going to have to get hold of the antidote for the black oil. Shit that meant that I’d have to go back to Tunguska, back to the shit hole where it had all started.

I’d need to convince them that I was still on their side, well I always had been pretty convincing when I had to be. I’d need to arrange a way out of there too, I guess however I had to just get in before doing anything else.

XXXXXXXXXX

I must have fallen asleep at some point; I woke a few hours later to Scully letting herself in. Well at least she couldn’t moan I hadn’t got any sleep, some’s better than none at all.

“How are you feeling now Mulder?”

“A bit better now I’ve had some sleep, sorry Scully but I need to use the bathroom before I do anything else.”

“Okay I’ll make up one of those drinks I’ve brought for you.”

“Yeah okay and thanks.”

“I just want to see you well again Mulder, I do care about you and want to help if I can.”

“Yeah I know Scully; I guess I’m just a total pain in the backside.”

“Go and use the bathroom Mulder.”

“I’m on my way.”

I used the bathroom and took a quick shower, when I went back Scully had the drink ready and waiting for me.

“Come on Mulder drink it up as it might help you.”

I drank it and swallowed it straight down, god the stuff was vile and made me feel sick.

“Shit Scully people really drink this crap, it’s got more chance of making me sick and not better.”

“Mulder stop moaning; I’m going to keep popping in until you’re fit to return to work.”

“Hey that won’t be too long, I’m planning to return in a couple of days Scully.”

“Mulder that’s way too soon, you need to be fully recovered before returning.”

“Don’t worry I’ll be fine Scully.”

I was prepared to give it my best shot, I either moved forward now or not at all.

“Mulder you haven’t accepted things yet; you’re going to need at least a couple of weeks to get your head together.”

“At the moment I’m just taking it one day at a time.”

“Yeah that’s most likely the best way.”

“I’ll be coming in tomorrow anyway, I want to see if Skinner has Spenders address.”

“Mulder why do you need that? What do you expect to gain other than more lies?”

“I have to know if he’s behind all of this Scully.”

“Even if he is it won’t change anything or how you feel.”

“Look I’m sorry Scully if you don’t approve, but this is something that I have to do for myself.”

“Fine but you know you can’t trust Spender; he’ll just fill your head with even more lies.”

“It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

“Okay fine I get the point, but how do you expect Skinner to know his address?”

“Skinner’s in this crap far deeper than you think Scully, he’s not as innocent as he likes to make out.”

“Well I can see why you hardly trust anyone Mulder.”

“Yeah I have to admit that it’s hard at times.”

“Just be careful, you need to start putting yourself first Mulder.”

“Fine if I feel like shit tomorrow I’ll leave it another day, otherwise I wasn’t this sorting out as soon as possible.”

“You really love him don’t you…?”

“Yeah and I thought at the time it was mutual, but I guess I can’t change what I saw with my own eyes.”

“Looks can be deceiving, I guess it doesn’t help when you don’t even know where he is.”

“He could be dead for all I care.”

“You know that you don’t mean that Mulder.”

“Everything was great until that trip to Russia.”

“Do you think it might have been because his mother died?”

“I really don’t know, we went to Tunguska the following day and that’s when we were captured. Alex was in the cell with me to begin with, but he was lucky and had the advantage of speaking Russian. There was another prisoner in a cell next to ours, he was the one who told me Alex had betrayed me.”

“So everything makes it look like Alex betrayed you, so when you saw him with the guards you lost it.”

“Yeah pretty much, the last I saw of Alex was when he rolled off the truck. He must have landed really hard because the truck was moving fast, the brakes wouldn’t work and I couldn’t stop.”

“Hey you’re lucky to have survived yourself Mulder, there’s no point punishing yourself over it all.”

“I don’t even know if he was still taking his medication, hell I hate it because I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

“Try not to think about it all Mulder, you’re far better off without him and it’s not like he can be trusted.”

“Yeah but I’m not even sure if I can trust myself.”


	31. Chapter 31

I’d drove for some time now and was ready to stop, once I reached Tunguska I sold my car and would go the rest of the way on foot. I managed to find my way back to the gulag without any problems at all, now I had to hope that they would listen to me and believe me. 

I was planning on lying through my teeth, I’d do whatever it took to get back in there. As I walked up to the gate I saw the guard, he noticed me straightaway and soon became fully alert.

“What do you want here as this isn’t a place for tourists my friend.”

“I’ve come here to see your boss, I was here before and he’ll want to speak to me.”

“Who shall I tell him wants to see him?”

“Tell him it’s Comrade Artzen.”

“I will be back in a minute so wait there.”

I watched as he walked a few foot away and pulled out a walkie talkie, I was just hoping that this would pay off and I’d get in.

“Right apparently I’m to take you to see him straight away, can you just follow me please Sir.”

I did as I was asked, I knew one false move and I’d become a prisoner here once more.

“Right go in and wait, he’ll be along in a few minutes to speak with you.”

So it appeared that I’d have to play the waiting game yet again, well I had time so that was fine by me. Finally he showed up to speak with me, he came in and sat behind the big desk and just stared at me. 

I knew that he was trying to weigh me up and see if I was lying, but I guess over the years I’d learnt to be a skilled liar if I had to be.

“I must admit I didn’t expect to see you back here; I also hear that it’s Comrade Artzen now.”

“Well after I was forcefully taken from here I was busy; I’ve also been doing some work for my uncle Vassily Peskow.”

“What you’re related to him?”

“Yes he’s my uncle on my mother’s side.”

“It would be an honour to have you back here working for us, Vassily was a good man and well known here in Russia.”

“Yes I’d heard that, would you like me to start work straight away then?”

“Firstly I’d just like to ask what became of your friend.”

“I have no idea at all as he betrayed me to save himself, he just abandoned me in the woods and left me there to die.”

“Very well I’ll have someone show you your quarters, then you will be able to start some work.”

Well he’d fallen for all my lies which was good, now I had to do the hardest part of all. I knew I’d be expected to deal with the prisoners, which was the part I wasn’t looking forward to. I was soon shown to a very small room by the guard, well it was basic but I wasn’t planning on hanging around too long.

“This is where you’ll sleep, you can also keep your belongings here.”

“That’s great and thanks for your help.”

I looked around the small room, it served my purpose so all was going okay so far. It wasn’t like I really trusted anyone here, believe me I had no intention of leaving anything valuable in the room.

I hid my money and pills in the safest place possible, I’d used the hollow part of my fake arm to keep everything with me at all times.   
I’d made it a point not to mention my arm to anyone here at all, that way I’d have everything on me if I had to leave in a hurry.

I kept myself to myself as it was far easier that way, hey and so far I’d managed to get away without having to hurt anyone. Most of the prisoners were on deaths door anyway, it scared the hell out of to think that could have been myself or Fox. Shit beat, starved and to top it off tested on until you died.

I hated it here more than anywhere else, but deep down I knew this was the only place that had the vaccine. I had to get my hands on it and plan to get out of here, I just wanted to get the hell out of Russia. I was brought out of my daydream as the guard talked to me, shit I really would need to pay more attention than this.

“The Boss wants to see you in ten minutes, he says that you’re to dine with him today.”

“Very well tell him I’ll be there.”

Now I was left wondering what the hell he wanted now, I had things of my own that I had to do without raising any suspicion from anyone.

XXXXXXXXXX

I decided to get up really early the next morning so I could visit Skinner, I had to find out if he knew anything that might be of use to me. I really wanted to start with Spender and see if he knew where Alex was. I still felt like shit though as I showered and dressed, I’d promised Scully no more vodka but I had to use up what I had first.

I guess life was just making me feel so fed up and it was so draining, I knew that I’d be far better off going to work and having something to do. Saying that I wasn’t going to be just sat there in my office, I’d have to be totally with it as I’d have a partners back to watch.

Soon I was on my way back to the Hoover, once there I made my way straight to Skinners office and had to wait. After just a few minutes Kimberly said that Skinner was ready to see me, I went in to find him sat behind his desk as usual.

“Come in Agent Mulder and take a seat.”

“Thanks Sir.”

“Agent Mulder please tell me you’re not here to work, it’s just I had a rather long chat with Agent Scully this morning.”

“Why do I get the feeling you were talking about me.”

“Scully’s worried about you, she’ told me how you’d lost a lot of weight and have been ill.”

“I’ve hardly had an appetite that’s all.”

“Agent Mulder you look a good twenty pounds lighter.”

“Yeah but I’m okay though.”

“I’m sorry Agent Mulder, but I require you to take a full fitness test before returning to work.”

“Shit are you serious? I lose a few pounds and suddenly it’s such a big deal.”

“Agent Mulder I’d quit while you’re ahead, otherwise I might also demand a full mental test to go with it.”

“Great why don’t you just lock me up and throw away the key?”

“Look Agent Mulder you’ve had a stressful time what with Alex and everything, it must be nearly a year now.”

“Yeah how time flies when you’re having fun.”

“Agent Mulder Scully has told me all about Alex, also the reason that you’ve come here today.”

“Yeah, so are you willing to help me then Sir?”

“What give you the address of Spender, I take it you presume that I know it then.”

“Look a simple yes or no will do.”

“Agent Mulder I’m not in a position to share that kind of information with you.”

“Great so he just gets away with everything as usual.”

“Agent Mulder I’m an Assistant Director of the F.B.I, you can’t expect me to just give you whatever you demand.”

“Forget I asked then, God I’m sick of all this bullshit and sick of wasting my time.”

“Agent Mulder I didn’t say that I wouldn’t help you.”

“So what are you suggesting Sir.”

“I was thinking maybe you should go and wait outside my office, you know it’s only a matter time before he shows up.”

“Yeah right, I could be out there all day for days on end.”

“Agent Mulder he comes nearly every day, it’s your choice but it’s the best I can do.”

“Fine it looks like I have no choice then.”

“Look Agent Mulder just go and wait out there, when he arrives I’ll buzz Kimberly to let you know.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for this Sir.”

“Afterwards I think we need to have a long talk Agent Mulder.”

“Very well Sir.”

I went into the reception and sat waiting, god I was so bored and just hoped my vigil payed off.

XXXXXXXXXX

I did as I was asked and went where I was told, now I was sat here waiting to dine with the Boss. Finally he came over to the table and took up the seat opposite me, great I was feeling far more nervous than normal.

“Good evening Comrade.”

“Good evening Sir, so what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I just thought we could become better acquainted, don’t you?”

“Yes that would be good Sir.”

“I’m going to need someone I can trust; I want someone who can help the Doctor with the test subjects.”

“So what would that involve Sir?”

“Basically you’d be responsible for strapping them down, then you would have to make sure the pipes are in the correct place.”

“That all sounds easy enough.”

“Don’t ever underestimate the prisoners Comrade, some will fight to the very bitter end.”

“Okay I’ll keep that in mind Sir.”

“Oh and also you’ll need to make sure you yourself don’t come into contact with the oil, we have a very limited supply of the vaccine I’m afraid.”

“Yeah don’t worry I’ll be extra careful.”

“Very well let’s eat now Comrade Artzen.”

I sat there as the food was brought out, well for starters it was totally different from what the prisoners ate. We had potatoes, steak and fresh vegetables. I had to admit it felt good to eat a healthy meal yet I felt so guilty. I also knew he was trying to see if he could really trust me or not, I could tell that he was weighing me up as he watched my every move.

I just remained calm and played it cool, it was then that someone came over and whispered something to him.

“I’m sorry Comrade, I am needed to deal with something and will re-join you in a few minutes.”

“Very well Sir.”

I was so pleased that he’d been called away as it gave me time to think. I hadn’t figured out how the hell I was going to eat the steak, well that was without him learning about my fake arm. I had to resort to using my hand to eat it, at least by the time he returned I’d already ate most of it.

“I hope you enjoyed your meal Comrade?”

“Yes Sir it was excellent, thank you.”

“You can call it a day for now and go get some rest, tomorrow you can start your new job helping the Doctor.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Work hard and I guarantee better jobs will come your way.”

I went back to my room and would wait until I started work for the Doctor, I thought it would be my best chance of getting my hands on what I wanted. I removed my jacket and then my arm, I made a point of shoving the bed in front of the door so I had privacy.

I sat on the bed and started rubbing some cream into my stump, shit it was then that I realized I had no cream left at all. I decided it would be a good idea to also count my pills, well I had eight left so I had to sort myself out within the next eight days if possible.

I would have to just go without if it came down to it, but I knew without the meds I was sure to end up as a prisoner myself. I lay down on the bed thinking, god it felt so strange to come back here through my own choice, I had to wonder once more what Fox would be doing right now. I also wondered if he ever even thought about me anymore, or had he just done everything out of guilt.

I wanted to know if Fox ever truly loved me at all, it was pointless tearing myself apart over it and I had to accept my life as it is now. I guess it was just so hard stuck here, I had to be careful and make sure my words never slurred or came out all jumbled up.

It only normally happened if I panicked and tried talking too fast, however I never wanted the men here to know I had a brain injury in the past. I closed my eyes and fell asleep dreaming about Fox, also about my return to America.

XXXXXXXXXX

God this was driving me mad, maybe it was just a bad idea and I should have stayed at home. I was starting to feel like I needed a stiff drink more than ever now, I despised Spender and wondered how the hell Alex had ever trusted him.

I guess it had been the promise of promotion that drew Alex in, he was there willing to do anything so he could please his mother. I knew though that now was not the time or place to be thinking about Alex, I wanted to face Spender pissed off and not like a love sick teenager.

I guess at the end of the day I wanted the truth, I wanted Alex to tell me to my face why he did what he did. I wanted him to tell me to my face that he never loved me, that he’d just used me until he no longer needed me.

Beyond all the whys and other questions, I’d thought about little else, I had to wonder how I’d react if I saw Alex again and what I’d do if he told me it had all been lies. If he laughed in my face I’d finally lose it, god help him or anyone else if that happened.

At the moment I had a lot of anger just bottled up inside me, however there would come a day when the bottle would explode and everything would come out. I was brought away from my thoughts by Kimberly, apparently Skinner had buzzed for me to go into his office.

I’d been here that long, shit I was expecting Skinner to send me home and tell me I’d wasted my time. Yet I walked into Skinners office and there he sat, he sat looking as smug as ever and puffed away on his cigarette. 

“Agent Mulder, I must say it’s always a pleasure to see you.”

“Cut the crap Spender, believe me the feelings not mutual.”

“Yes I’ve heard you wanted to see me regarding a certain matter.”

“Yeah you know the reason I’m here, so let’s have less bullshit and more honesty if you’re capable.”

“Believe me I have no reason to lie to you Agent Mulder.”

“Alex Krycek, I want to know where he is and if he’s back working for you?”

“Yes I’d heard certain things regarding you and Alex Krycek.”

“Don’t sit there looking so fuckin smug, just answer the question I asked you.”

“Fine Alex Krycek hasn’t worked for me in a very long time, Alex had betrayed me right from day one. As far as I ‘m concerned I don’t want to see him again, I want nothing whatsoever to do with that man.”

“What about his whereabouts?”

“The last place I knew he was in was Russia.”

“What he’s still there even now?”

“From what I’ve heard the rumour has it that he’s still there at the gulag, apparently he’s working for them and they trust him as he’s part Russian.”

“So that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s working for them.”

“Alex can’t just leave Russia, there’s far more to Alex Krycek than meets the eye. Alex is a Russian spy, that’s why he never truly worked for me and betrayed me.”

“You’re so full of shit Spender.”

“Well from what I’ve heard he’s less of a man than before he went to Russia.”

“You bastard, just what’s that supposed to mean Spender?”

I jumped up and grabbed Spender by the throat, however it was at that moment that Skinner stepped in.

“Agent Mulder it’s time you left now, you have the only answers he’s prepared to give you.”

“Fine as I don’t want to be around him anymore either.”

I had somewhere else that I needed to be anyway.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next morning I re attached my arm and grabbed my jacket, once I was fully sorted I put the bed back in the correct position. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I’d need to go to work, not that I could see how anyone could call what they did work.

Finally someone came and showed me where the Doctor was, he looked really nervous and easy to intimidate which was good.

“Right Mr Artzen you do what I say when I say, is that understood?”

“Yeah loud and clear.”

“I’ll show you the room and how it all works, it’s easy unless you get a prisoner who tries to fight you.”

“Yeah I’m sure I can handle myself.”

“Very well come along then.”

I was led into a very large room with row after row of tables, it was then that I noticed one was occupied and there was a prisoner strapped down.

“Right come over here Mr Artzen.”

He led me over to the table where the prisoner lay, now I was the one to feel nervous.

“As you can see by this prisoner, we strap them down to the table so that we can do the test.”

“Okay then what?”

“Once they’re strapped down and covered we can start.”

“Yeah okay that all sounds simple enough.”

“The pipe carries the black oil, you always need to be careful and avoid it at all costs.”

“Yeah true, I don’t want any of that shit inside me.”

“It won’t happen as long as you’re careful, we then move away once the oil starts flowing.”

“Yeah okay, do I get a demonstration then?”

“Very well if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah I might as well see for myself.”

“Very well.”

I didn’t really want to watch, I just figured it’d look suspicious if I didn’t that was all. I felt sick as I watched, shit just watching the black oil invade the body beneath it.

“So how often do you test each prisoner?”

“We normally manage to test the vaccine after they’ve been infected with the black oil three times.”

“So has the vaccine ever worked at all?”

“It showed promise on a couple of prisoners including Mr Mulder, however most just end up dying from the tests before we get that far.”

“So where do you manage to find all the prisoners?”

“This is Russia and there’s nearly always a supply of prisoners, people get sent here for even minor offences.”

“So how do you fit in here then?”

"I am a Doctor and nothing more and my role is to perform the tests, sometimes you have to sacrifice a few lives in order to save millions.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

I forced myself to watch as the oil started flowing down the pipe, I felt physically sick knowing they did this to Fox. God I wanted to kill every last one of the bastards, yet I knew that was not an option if I wanted to get out of here alive.

“So Mr Artzen do you think you can be of help to me?”

“Yeah I can’t see there been a problem, it all looks simple enough so I will be okay.”

I wanted to be here as this was where the vaccine was kept, it was perfect and would make stealing it far easier. Before that time arrived I would have to make some plans, I couldn’t steal the vaccine until I had a way out of here.

I knew that I’d have to find a way to Vladivostok, then once there I’d have to pay someone to take me to America. At this moment in time I had to plan a way, going by car was way too long so it’d have to be by plane.

XXXXXXXXXX

I left the Hoover building severely pissed off, that cancerous bastard had been of no use as usual. My options were fast becoming non-existent; I guess there was a good chance I’d never know what happened to Alex. Yet it was the not knowing that was the worst of all, I guess not knowing if he was even dead or alive.

I pulled out into the traffic, hell I wasn’t even sure myself where to go from here. I’d decided I’d go and pay Marita a visit, I was hoping on the off chance she might know something about Alex. It took me over an hour before I reached her apartment, however now there was no answer. 

Well I had plenty of time so I’d just wait for her to return, I slid down to the floor and lent against the wall exhausted. What the fuck was I doing, was I that desperate that I’d run around after someone who didn’t even want me. In the end I’d fallen asleep and it was Marita who woke me up, my body was aching and I was really thirsty.

“Agent Mulder what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I was after some information regarding Alex Krycek.”

“What is it that you want to know?”

“I just want to know if he’s been in contact with you at all?”

“No I’m sorry Agent Mulder, I haven’t seen Alex or heard from him in a very long time. Personally I don’t want to either, I also heard that he’d suffered some brain damage in the past.”

“He’s got a few problems with little things, he also finds it extremely hard to deal with his emotions at times.”

“Well like I said, I haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“Is there any way that you can find out, I just thought you worked for the United Nations?”

“So you think I have contacts everywhere, ones who will just jump if I ask them to.”

“Just forget it Marita.”

“Come inside for a minute Agent Mulder, I’ll give you the address of someone who may be able to help you.”

I went into the spacious apartment with Marita, I then took a seat while she went to get the address for me.

“Here you go Agent Mulder, I hope you manage to find him somewhere.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for this Marita.”

I got back into my car and looked at the address, great it appeared to be in the middle of nowhere. I guess it was going to be a good couple of hours drive, shit it was already six in the evening now. I’d be lucky to even make it back home by midnight, I just had to hope that it wouldn’t be a wasted journey.

I finally reached my destination and it appeared there were just tons of stables, well I was here so I might as well take a look around. Once out of the car I realized just how cold it was, I went over and knocked on the door of the large house. I recognized the Englishman straight away as he came to the door, I had no idea whether he could be of any help at all.

“Good day Agent Mulder, what brings you all the way out here?”

“Alex Krycek, I’m looking for him and want to know if you’ve seen him?”

“Ah the elusive Mr Krycek.”

“Do you know where he is or not?”

“The last time I saw Alex, well it was some time before his little accident he suffered. He went on the run from Spender, I then heard through the grapevine of his near death experience.”

“So you have no idea at all then?”

“Like I said it’s Alex, he was always an elusive man unless he wanted some help.”

“What sort of help did he want?”

“Alex had wanted my help to get Spender off his back, he also wanted to know about the file I gave you. Let’s just say that Alex was far from happy, he didn’t want you to know why he killed your father.”

“Yeah well that was a mistake on his part and he should have just told me the reason, well there’s no point me hanging around here then.”


	32. Chapter 32

  
Well I’d finally reached that stage of having no medicine left, I knew I’d be okay for a few days but that was all. Maybe without the tablets I might toughen up a bit, I was becoming so weak and pathetic by the sights I saw here. 

I hated having to get up on a morning as I knew what I’s spend the day doing, I knew that very soon I’d have to blackmail my way out of Russia.   
I spent my days strapping down prisoners, then the good Doctor got to perform his tests on the helpless prisoners. 

Everything was in the name of finding a cure, I often wondered if Fox was still infected with the black oil. I guess the vaccine would be so valuable in so many ways, however the Doctor hardly ever trusted me to be left alone and he never left the vaccine lying around at all.

I would need someone with the black oil to test the vaccine on, I’d worked hard and had proved myself useful to the higher ups. They now even let me have access to the phones and computer in the office, well maybe I could use the computer as I had no one I could phone.

I logged on and signed into my emails, I then opened the page to send a new email to someone. At least I knew Fox’s email address of by heart, however I just sat there without a clue as to what I should write. 

After some time of just thinking what to write, I managed to come up with only one word. I typed the word why, I then just typed that single little word over and over again before hitting send.

All I kept thinking about was why Fox did it, why did he leave me here all alone in Russia. Great to lose a fuckin arm that’s what as that was all that came out of this trip, we’d been through so much yet he’d been unable to trust me in the end. Shit I really didn’t want to be thinking about all that right now, I’d just make myself severely depressed and there was work to be done.

What joy as I was back to a day of strapping down the prisoners, now all I had to really do was gain the good Doctors trust? I did everything that was asked of me and learnt my place around here, too many questions would just make everyone suspicious. Just blend in and laugh when they expect it and ask questions if it’s related to the job, oh and if the boss says jump, you make sure you do it.

I realized over time that the Doctor hated it here, he was really just the same as me around here and had to do as he was told. You either accepted your role here or became a prisoner yourself, I’d already been there and wasn’t going back for anyone at all.

I was just becoming bored of the same thing all the time, day after day all I did was strap down the prisoners so they could be infected. It wasn’t even a challenge anymore due to the prisoners, hell most were far too gone to put up any resistance at all. God I would need to get out of here even for a short time, I was just unsure how to go about it that was all.

It wasn’t long after that when the boss claimed he needed to speak with me, great now I was left here wondering if I’d done something wrong. Well the sooner I got it over with the better, I decided to go straight to his office and knocked.

“Enter please.”

I walked in to find him sat behind his desk smiling, I had to wonder if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Good day comrade, please take a seat.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“I asked for you to come here as I wanted to speak with you, I want to invite you to dinner tonight.”

“Thank you Sir I’d like that.”

“I have a few plans that I want to go through, I guess that I was hoping that you could add some input. I would just like to hear your ideas on the matter, it would also require you to do some field work too.”

“Sounds interesting Sir.” 

“So you will join me later then for dinner?”

“Yes Sir, it would be an honour to dine with you.”

“Very well we will discuss it all later on then, you’re free to go about your duties until that time.”

“Very well and thank you Sir.”

“Good day comrade Artzen.”

I walked back to the testing room with a positive feeling about today, I now had to hope that my feelings were right.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d spent long enough here with the English man and learnt nothing, all I wanted now was to be back home in my apartment.

“Mr Mulder would you like me to pass a message on if Alex Krycek shows up in the future?”

“Yeah can you just tell him that I’m looking for him?”

“Very well, is there anything else I can help you with Agent Mulder?”

“No but thanks anyway.”

I went back to my car as it was late now and I had a two hour drive ahead of me, it was a slow trip and I was glad when I arrived home. I’d pretty much exhausted every avenue in the search for Alex and as usual there was no trace of the man I still loved.

Maybe it was time that I put myself first, I knew it would be hard but it had to be done. Tomorrow I would return to work and get on with my life, it might not be a perfect life but it was my life. It was now time for acceptance and it was time I accepted that I am alone, also that would be how it’d stay for a very long time to come.

God I had to wonder how people just accepted things, it was far easier to say it than actually do it. I guess each day would slowly get a bit easier, work would at least keep me occupied and my mind busy.

I arrived home in a slightly more positive mood, well that was until I saw the box once more that belonged to Alex. God I really would need to get rid of it and the sooner the better if I was to move on. 

How the hell could I though, shit I knew just how much the contents meant to Alex. I knew I would hate myself even more than now if I dumped the stuff, I’d need to just find somewhere to keep it all just in case.

I decided that it was something I could deal with in the morning, first I would get a quick shower and then check my emails. Not that it mattered as it was just the usual shit, it was then that I noticed an unusual one. The email address had stood out because of the name, therussianrat@yandex.com. I decided that my best bet was to just open it.

Well I only knew one Russian rat anyway so I clicked and opened the email, the same word was just repeated over and over again, why. I had to wonder if he meant why had I left him there or why I hadn’t trusted him. Shouldn’t I be the one asking why? Why I was left to be tested on and why I was left to rot there. Shit I could feel the tears building up inside me, how the hell was I supposed to move on and accept this?

I thought I’d make a note of the address and pass it on to the lone gunmen, I opened my desk draw to get a pen out, shit that was when I pulled out the watch and ring that belonged to Alex. It didn’t seem to matter which way I turned or where I went, there were always reminders of Alex. 

I no longer cared what time of night it was as I went through every room, soon I’d managed to collect everything that belonged to Alex and put it in the box with the rest. I decided to fully tape the box up, once that was done I grabbed my car keys.

I went down to where my car was parked and opened the trunk, shit that was when I noticed I still had the bags with his other stuff in. It didn’t matter as I managed to cram the box in with all the rest, I would just leave it in there until I decided what to do with it. 

I knew that I’d never be able to accept him gone with all the constant reminders all around me, at least if I was away on a case I’d just throw my bag on the backseat.

Once back in my apartment I turned the T.V on and lay down on the couch, I would just wait and see what tomorrow would bring and then decide about returning to work. All this thinking of Alex was starting to make me hard, well it didn’t take long at all for my hand to wrap itself around my hard cock.

I soon started working up a rhythm and just imagined that it was Alex doing it to me, well imaging it was Alex was my total undoing. Before I knew it I was coming all over my own hand, well so much for accepting things and just moving on. I guess it was hard to move on now, the email meant he could still be out there and alive.

XXXXXXXXXX

I spent the day working as usual, I had to get out of here soon as the depression was starting to set in now. I missed Fox more than ever despite it was six months since I last saw him, I looked out towards the gates where it had happened. 

Everything had just happened so fast that day, Fox must have really hated me to hit me that hard and to be fuelled with so much anger. The last place I’d seen Fox was on the back of that truck, I had to wonder if he’d ever thought about me in the last six months. I just had this deep down feeling that he’d forgot all about me, well I knew I was kidding myself that he’d still be pining for me after all this time.

Shit I really didn’t need to be thinking about Fox right now, the time had arrived for me to now have dinner with the boss. I washed up and changed clothes before heading towards the dining area.

“Please take a seat Comrade.”

“Thank you Sir.”

I sat down at the table as he poured the drinks, I knew that I shouldn’t drink too much at this meal as my mouth might start working overtime. So I sat and just slowly sipped the drink as I ate the meal, most of the meal was ate in silence and that suited me just fine. 

I was so pleased that the meal was a stew, I’d managed to keep my fake arm a secret so far and claimed I’d injured myself when Fox escaped. I claimed that I’d rolled of the truck and damaged some nerves, however over time they’d learnt that I was still capable of handling myself.

“I guess that you’re wondering why I wanted to meet with you this evening.”

“Yeah I have to admit that I’m intrigued.”

“I don’t know how open you are, or if you truly know what the black oil really is?”

“I’m pretty much open to most things, I’m also aware that the oil is of alien nature.”

“Very good, there is a meeting taking place in Kazakhstan. The meeting is where alien abductees meet, sometimes there are thousands of people there.”

“Yeah I’ve heard of such group meetings in the past.”

“Good as we will need more prisoners soon, too many are dying now from the tests alone. The work we do here is very important, we will go to any level and do what we have to in search of a vaccine.”

“Yes I can understand that it’s very important and needs to be found at any cost.”

“When the next meeting takes place I’ll be sending you along with some soldiers, your job Comrade Artzen will be to abduct some of the civilians.”

“What you mean just kidnap them?”

“Why do you have a problem with that Comrade?”

“No I don’t have a problem at all Sir, I just wanted to be clear on what’s expected of me.”

“Very good, you are then to send the prisoners back with the soldiers. You yourself along with two soldiers are to remain there.”

“Yeah okay is there a reason for it?”

“I want you to remain in the background, after the event is over I want you to check the site out.”

“Very well, will I be searching for anything specific?”

“Survivors, anyone left behind after the abduction takes place.”

“Yeah I can do that, is there anything else that I should know?”

“I will finalize everything when I get a date and inform you of everything.”

“Yeah okay that’s fine.”

“I take it I can trust you Comrade.”

“Of course you can Sir.”

I was actually looking forward to leaving here and this might be the chance I need.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next morning I got up and dressed for work, as soon as I was ready I grabbed my phone and keys then left. I would go and let Scully know that I was back then I’d go and have a word with Skinner.

“Good morning Scully.”

“How are you today Mulder, you still look like you haven’t had a decent meal in months.”

“I’m fine Scully, I thought it would be good to have my work to focus on.”

“Yeah good idea Mulder if this is what you really want to do with your life.”

“I’d had my doubts when I was with Alex, but now all I’ve got left is my work Scully.”

“Yeah true.”

“Why do I get this feeling that you’re not happy Scully, has something happened while I was away or something?”

“I don’t know Mulder, I guess that I’m just starting to get fed up with everything that’s all.”

“Don’t stay because of me Scully, there’s no guarantee that I’ll stay here myself yet.”

“I guess I’m just thinking long term that’s all I’m not going anywhere just yet but maybe in the future.”

“So Scully have you any idea what you’ll do if you leave here?”

“I might go back to teaching at Quantico.”

“Good for you Scully, just do whatever makes you happy.”

“What about you Mulder, what would make you happy?”

“Not a lot at the moment, I’m just trying to accept a life without Alex and it’s hard."

“I can imagine that it will be for a while Mulder, you’ll just have to take every day as it comes.”

“Yeah that’s what I’ve been doing, but like you I’m here at the moment.”

“You’re still young Mulder and good looking, you just want to find someone else and have a life.”

“Maybe I will in time, I just have a feeling that I’m going to be here for a long time.”

“I can only advise you Mulder, but you will have to accept it’s over before you move on.”

“Yeah I need to accept that he was a bastard, I guess it’s not going as planned though.”

“Give it time Mulder, you have to accept that it’s over and that he’s not coming back.”

“Yeah I know Scully.”

“You will be okay Mulder and I am aware that he meant so much to you, hell I’d even believed that he was okay once I learnt the truth. I guess you never truly know someone else, or even how they’re thinking or feel.”

“Yeah well I was well and truly taken for a right mug.”

“I don’t want to take sides, but you have to understand him and maybe he wasn’t thinking properly at the moment.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“He had a brain injury Mulder, Alex could have times when he forgets things and acts irrationally.”

“I know what I saw with my own eyes Scully, hell they were laughing and hugging each other like old friends.”

“Who knows Mulder, maybe you were right about him all along.”

We were interrupted by the phone, in some ways I was glad that it had brought an end to the conversation."

“Agent Mulder speaking.”

“Agent Mulder its A.D Skinner.”

“Yes Sir what can I do for you?”

“I need to see you and Agent Scully in my office straight away.”

“Yeah okay Sir we’re on our way up.”

I put the phone down and grabbed my jacket.

“Come on Scully, it looks like Skinner might have a case for us.”

“Well you did say that you wanted to keep busy Mulder.”

“Yeah this is what I need Scully, I think it will do me good to have something to keep my mind busy.”

We got in the lift and went up to Skinners office, it felt so long since I’d last sat here with Scully as Agents.

XXXXXXXXXX

Now I knew that I had something to work at, however it would all have to fall right. I’d get one shot at it that was all, if I were to fail I’d become a prisoner here myself. I got on with my work and just waited until I was needed, I was finally called to pick seven soldiers to take with me.

Once I chose the men my job was to change, I was now given orders that I was to train them to my liking. Once we set off on the mission all seven of them were to answer to me. All the men were ones I’d dealt with while I’d been here, so I wasn’t really expecting there to be any problems from them.

It would also take a while to get to our destination, I couldn’t take anyone with me that wasn’t fit enough. I was happy with my choice and was hoping at least one of them could be bribed. We were to take four trucks with us, there would be two men in each truck. 

I was the one who paired the soldiers together and chose which one would travel with me. I’d worked up a friendship with one of the soldiers, it was only natural that I’d chose him to travel with me. The time had come to fuel up all four trucks, we were then to report to the boss for our orders.

“Right I want all of you to pay attention, when you leave here Comrade Artzen here will be in charge of the mission. You will report to him and him only, anyone who refuses to follow his orders will become a test subject so do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Comrade Artzen, you will remain with the last truck, your main goal will be to look for any survivors.”

“Yes Sir that’s all understood.”

“When you arrive back here the testing room will be empty, we will also make sure the cells are also empty and ready, we will also have the Doctor ready too, he will then perform the test on every prisoner you bring. Finally does anyone here have any questions for me?”

“No Sir.”

“How about you Comrade Artzen, are you happy and confident enough to handle this mission. This is really important and you’ll end up responsible for any mistakes that are made.”

“Yeah I understand that, I’m also extremely confident about this mission.”   
  


“Very well, you all have a few hours to yourself before leaving.”

Everyone was dismissed and I returned to my room alone, I once again moved the bed to block the doorway. I pulled off my fake arm and pulled out the last of my money, I then placed some in my jacket pocket and put the rest back. I was just hoping that the money would be enough to bribe my way out of Russia.

I re attached my arm and pulled my jacket back on, I was then struggling not to cry at the moment. I realized that I never even had a photo of Fox, it was stupid to fantasise about him but I couldn’t help myself.

Now though was the time to become a soldier and a fighter, it was time to get moving and this was where my journey would begin. I went and located the other seven members of the party, we then got into the awaiting trucks. My only downside was been unable to drive, I hated it so much when I had to depend on someone else.

“Right come on let’s get moving.”

“Yes Sir.”

Well at least they accepted that I was the one in charge which was a good sign.

XXXXXXXXXX

They say time heals all wounds, I guess I’d got used to my life the best I could. I’d learnt to cope without Alex to a certain extent and had been back in America for over six months now.

Six months and I still loved Alex so much, yet there was also a part of me that never wanted to see him again. I think deep down I was just scared how I’d react if I saw him again, would things go back to the same as the start with me hitting him all the time.

I never wanted to resort back to that again with Alex, I’d rather never see him than have him here as my punch bag. Life just seemed to make it that I couldn’t forget, we’d been sent out on a case in Oregon and was using a motel there. 

It was the same motel I’d used a few years ago when Alex was my partner, how I’d wanted him that night but I’d believed him to be straight.   
I was just thrown off by it all, I’d been doing so well until I came here and the old memories re surfaced. 

Yeah right who was I trying to kid, shit I still had all his stuff in the trunk of my car. I sat down on my bed and spread the files out in front of me, there was now a total of six people missing from around here. It was claimed that they’d all been abducted by aliens, also all of them had disappeared in the middle of the night.

There had been two teenagers out on the night of an alleged abduction, yet their account of the events were totally different. They’d claimed that it was some men in black, also it wasn’t a U.F.O but a black helicopter. 

As far as I was concerned it could be either as our government was capable of such things, I read through all the statements and would speak to the witness in the morning.

For now I was going to have a walk, maybe even go to the dinner and grab a coffee as it was still early. I even asked Scully to join me but she declined as she was tired, well it looked like it was just going to be me on my own then. 

The dinner was relatively empty which was good, all I wanted was some time on my own for now. I was to end up spending a good hour in there before going for a walk, at least I knew my way around here from my last visit. I headed towards the river as it looked so peaceful and calming, I’d even been here in the past searching for evidence with Alex.

I swear that I was trying to punish myself for everything that went wrong in my life, I guess in some ways a lot of it really was my fault anyway. After a while I knew it was time to head back to my room, once back there I tidied up the bed and put the files away. I guess I didn’t want any nightmares from looking at the photos, all those innocent eyes staring at me and I was unable to help them.

I grabbed a shower and lay down on the bed, I started flicking through the cable channels in the hope of finding something to watch. Well I suppose I should be thankful that this motel had cable, even so nothing held my attention for longer than five minutes. Well other than the crap movies there was also the porn channel, yet that was something I defiantly wasn’t in the mood to watch tonight.

To be honest it hadn’t held my interest for a long time now, all it did was remind me of Alex and that was too painful. I finally settled on a movie channel, I couldn’t help but recognise close encounters of the third kind. I watched the main actor in the film, it appeared that everyone thought he’d gone mad. 

I sometimes had to wonder if that was how people saw me, did I just come across as some raving lunatic spouting a load of shit. Hell maybe I should quit playing the alien hunter, I guess I could always return to the Behavioural science unit. 

Yeah right imagine what it would do to me, shit I myself was no better than some of the men out there. Tomorrow was another day and maybe then I’d decide my future, tonight I want to forget about everything.


	33. Chapter 33

We went across the country to Kazakhstan, the boss had given us the location and we were well on schedule but people were already arriving at the sight. The people all talked as if they were waiting for something great event to take place, well I guess to them it was something big going on.

I’d learnt enough over the years from the consortium, also from Fox himself as he was totally obsessed with U.F.O’s and aliens. As for me personally, well let’s just say I’d had enough after my trip to Hong Kong. I’d been taken over with the black oil before and was left to die in that silo, believe me I had no intention of that ever happening again.

That was one of the main reasons I had to get away from here, it scared the hell out of me just thinking about the oil inside me. It was really easy to blend in with the people as they’d come from all over the world to be here, it would also be easy enough to take a few prisoners too.

We’d worked out a system as the good Doctor had provided us with some chloroform. We had the trucks parked up in the woods, we would take anyone that happened to wonder by. Most people were having to use the woods to relieve themselves, we just used the chloroform and then restrained them in the trucks. 

By the time our prisoner came around it was too late, well for them anyway. The prisoners would wake up bound and gagged, also unable to shout for help or draw attention to us.

It didn’t take too long to fill a truck up, once the first truck was full we sent it back to the gulag, At least this way they’d only have to deal with one truck arriving at a time. I decided to take a walk around, there were many people actually camping here with fires burning. I could try saving these people, but no I was effectively sending them to their deaths.

I had to keep telling myself the same thing over and over, they would refuse to leave anyway and would die here regardless of what I did. The noise of so many people was unbelievable, it was also starting to give me a headache listening to them all. Yet I just carried on walking around, I noticed that the people were male and female and of all ages. 

Some of them had even brought their entire families with them, even very young children were among them. Was this really a place to bring a family, shit then I had to wonder if this place was right for any sane person to be here too. Yet these people would stay here days on end, watching and waiting for what they believed would come.

I hated the smell that came from the fires, also even the sight of them burning so hot. I guess it just reminded me of the time I was in the woods alone, I’d been so tired and cold and I’d even managed to fall asleep in front of the warm fire. Then everything had changed in such a short time, the next thing I knew, shit my arm was burning to ashes on that very same fire.

People smiled at me and I smiled back, however it was now time to go and do some more work. I headed back towards the trucks to join the remaining soldiers, we’d allowed an hour or so to pass before starting on the second truck. 

It didn’t take long as we had so many to choose from and could be selective, at the moment we were only taking healthy young to middle aged men at the moment.

My orders were to find healthy men, prisoners that would hopefully withstand the test more than once. They wanted people that they could also put to work, so we’d been told no women or children. Not that I’d have kidnapped defenceless children anyway, I had to draw the line somewhere as to how far I’d go.

We worked fast and soon had the second truck full, each truck could hold at least twenty people. So now we’d already sent a total of forty healthy men back, I guess that would keep the good Doctor busy for some time to come. 

It had now been over twenty hours since we left the gulag and I was exhausted, I’d let the other men take turns getting some sleep, now I guess it was my turn. I planned to sleep inside the truck with the doors locked, there was no way I’d be sleeping next to some camp fire.

XXXXXXXXXX

We were now given a new case to work on after the other was a hoax, at least it would give me something to do. I was just sick of all the bullshit at the moment and believed it was all just a lie, I was so sick of our government and everyone else to be honest.

All everyone was talking about was Sky Land Mountain and everything that was happening. I had this deep down feeling that I was going to became really bored. Casandra Spender, what joy the ex-wife of that cancerous bastard Spender. Shit and things just got worse by the minute, I was now to learn that Jeffery was also his fuckin son.

Soon I felt like I was surrounded by them all, it appeared that Jeffery was as annoying as his father. Casandra believes I’m here because of who I am and what I do, I try explaining to her that ‘it’s over and was nothing but lies. I was taken for a mug by the government, the very same people that I myself work for.

There had been no survivors at Sky Land Mountain, many people had been burnt beyond recognition. I just wanted to get away from all the shit, maybe even go and ask Skinner for another case. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea as I was of no use here, I headed towards Skinners office to have a word with him.

“Come in Agent Mulder, what is it that I can do for you?”

“I want you to put another Agent on this case Sir.”

“What you don’t want to work the case at Sky Land Mountain? I’d have thought it was your sort of thing Agent Mulder.”

“Look Sir I’m of no use to anyone out there, I’m afraid that I no longer believe in any of that crap.”

“What about Agent Scully?”

“She seems to be working the case really well, Scully also seems to be getting on really well with Casandra.”

“Very well, I’ll take you off the case effective immediately.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Right I’ll have to see what other cases need an Agent, just sit tight there Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah okay Sir.”

“I have a stake out if you’re interested, or a large amount of wiretapping to do.”

Fuck the wiretapping, the last time I did that was the day I met Alex. How I’d pushed him away all the time, I had to admit that I’d treat him like shit and not like a partner.

“I can’t do the wiretap Sir, it would just bring back too many memories.”

“Very well, it looks like you’ll be doing a stakeout then.”

“What fun?”

“Agent Mulder are you sure you don’t need a break, maybe everything’s starting to get to you now?”

“I’ll be fine Sir, it’s been months now and I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

“Yes it must be hard Agent Mulder, we’d truly believed that Alex had changed.”

“I know Sir, yet we were all taken for a ride by him.”

“Agent Mulder, I’m willing to grant you leave if that’s what you want?

“No I’ll be far better working Sir.”

“Very well, it’s a warehouse Agent Mulder, there have been reports of people coming and going all the time. Basically I need you to watch and take some notes, we are mainly trying to find out what the warehouse is been used for.”   
  


“Yeah okay I can do that Sir.”

Skinner handed me a file and I just flicked through it.

“All the details and the address are in the folder, I would advise you to read all that first. Have you got a car, if not you can go and requisition one rather than using your own.”

“Right I’ll get on it straight away Sir.”

“Very well Agent Mulder, I also want regular updates from you.”

“Yeah okay Sir.”

At least this would give me some time alone, also it would be good to work a different case for a change.

XXXXXXXXXX

We hung around and finally had the third truck loaded, I tried to just block everything out and not think about what I was doing here. Sixty innocent people had been sent to the gulag because of me, shit I wasn’t even human myself if I could do this.

Our orders were very specific after the third truck we were to wait around for another few hours, we had just too just make sure everything he had ended. We were also to report what goes on here, so I guess now it was just a waiting game and to me that was far worse than anything.

We saw the bright lights hovering above us, we decided to pull back and observe from a safe distance. God I really had to get out of this truck, as soon as I got out I fell to my knees and threw up. God it was that horrendous smell of burnt flesh, the same smell from when the peasants burnt my own arm in that fire.

“Hey are you okay, you know we’ll be far safer if we remain in the truck.”

“Yeah just give me a minute.”

Great now my partner would think I was a right wimp, hell maybe he was right and I was. Anyone that was human wouldn’t be able to stomach this and what they were, they were all alien rebels with no faces, well their eyes and mouth had been stitched shut.

They were setting fire to all of the people, it was just like some fuckin war zone here now. We decided to pull even further back from the action, we knew there was nothing at all that the two of us could do. In the end we decided to play it safe and wait until daylight, even then the smell of burnt flesh was still overwhelming.

We got out of our truck as it was obvious the aliens had left, I went one way while Mikhail went the other it was then that I heard something in the bushes, Shit that was also when I noticed three U.N trucks pull up, great loads of soldiers exit the trucks carrying fire extinguishers. Great I think it’s a bit late for them now, I then see a well-dressed blonde women among them.

I just go about my own business, I’m then quiet surprised to find a boy alive and in hiding.

“What is your name?”

“Dimitri.”

“You saw what happened here?”

“Yes.”

“Too bad for you.”

I hear the soldiers talking, that’s when I notice the woman barking out orders to them all. Well as long as she doesn’t try telling me what to do, I’m in charge here so she can fuck off.

“You there, under what authority are you corrupting this crime scene?”

“Under the United Nations charter, chapter seven.”

“Your authority isn’t recognized here, only your lies.”

“These are U.N peace keepers, this is a mission of mercy.”   
  


“This is a mission of fear, yours and the men you work for.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You go back and tell them what you’ve seen here, what you’ve found!”

“My name is Marita Covarrubias, I’m a special representative to the Secretary General.”

“I know who you are and I know who you work for, now you go back and tell them.”

“Tell them what? What happened here?”

“Tell them it’s all going to hell, Mikhail take the boy away.”

“Does the boy know? Did he see?”

“You tell them to kiss my American ass.”

With that I turned and walked away from her.

XXXXXXXXXX   
  


I’d managed to requisition a car, I then sat and drank my coffee while I read through the file. So sometimes there were as many as thirty people a day, they appeared to just go in and out without any bags or anything. Too me it sounded like some drug den, obviously what the customers bought would fit in their pocket.

Well my job was to just sit here and observe, I wasn’t to go in alone as it was far too dangerous. I parked my car up and lay back in my seat to observe out of sight. At the moment it was rather late and fairly quiet, it remained that way for well over an hour and I was getting bored.

Finally someone showed up, they appeared to be well dressed and was wearing a suit. They well and truly didn’t resemble your usual druggie, or seller for that matter. There was just something unusual about this man, well I logged it into my note book for future reference. I also made a note that the visitor had remained for two hours, he also left without anything that I could see of.

Over the course of the night another four came, everyone was smart looking and wearing a suit. Again I also noted that they left without anything, well unless it was pocket size that is. I came to the conclusion the reason for the visit might be inside, I was extremely tempted to check out the warehouse for myself. 

However daylight was fast approaching and I’d need to get some sleep, I still had another hour and then my shift would be over. I would return here later on tonight, at least the other Agent would also take notes on any activity while I was away.

When the Agent finally showed I gave him my notes, I also told him I’d be back in about eight hours to relieve him. I drove back to my apartment in the F.B.I issue car, I couldn’t be bothered to take it back as I’d need it later anyway.

Once back home I stripped down to my underwear and lay down on my couch, I was exhausted so decided to set my alarm to go off in four hours’ time. That would allow me time to eat and take a shower, then I’d return to the other Agent and see if anything had happened.

I’d be going back in my plain jeans and a jacket, if the chance arose I had every intention of going in. For now though I was just feeling rather depressed, I’d no idea what had brought this on other than a lack of sleep. Maybe it had been the mention of the wiretapping, shit suddenly I was imagining myself back to that time when I met Alex. 

He had come along with his gorgeous green eyes, oh and what a smile the man had along with that body. Maybe things might have been different, but hell I’d never even given him a chance. If only I’d known back then that he preferred men, well I just wondered if it would have made a difference at all.

Shit it’s too late now to ever know as I ditched him all the time, they were his words and not mine. I could remember as plain as day coming out of the clinic to find him waiting, I’d tried my best to ignore him while he moaned at me. Alex had said that I’d just ditched him like a bad date.

Shit I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks, why the hell did I keep on doing this to myself? All I wanted was the day to come when it no longer hurt so much, at the moment it hurt just to think about Alex. 

I just wished I knew if he was even dead or alive as he’d been so ill, I’d always believed that he was unable to hurt me. I just hoped that he’d managed to get away from Russia, maybe he’d even found someone else to take my place.

Shit no I really didn’t want to think about him with someone else, I swear it would most certainly be the end of me if I did. I still wondered how I’d react if I ever saw him again, however that was looking less likely as time passed by.

Great now I was starting to make myself feel even worse, I would really just need to concentrate on work for now. However right now I needed sleep more than anything else, otherwise I’d be finding myself falling asleep on the job.

XXXXXXXXXX

We take the boy back with us, first though I had to have a few words with him. I wanted to get him back to the gulag as he would be my bargaining chip, one way or another I was returning to America. Once I was back at the gulag the boss paid me a visit and suddenly I was as nervous as hell.

“I just want to congratulate you Comrade Artzen, it appears that your mission was a huge success.”

“Yeah thanks, I want to know if I can ask something of you in return.”   
  


“Very well, what is it?”

"There were U.N peace keepers at the site, I’d like to go back and have another look when they’ve all gone.”

“Very well you’ve done a good job, you can refuel a truck and use that.”

“Thank you Sir.”

Little did he know I now had plans of my own, everything now would be to my own agenda. I went back to my room, let’s just say I was far from proud at what I did next. I beat an innocent boy to use him just as a means to an end.

It was then that the Doctor entered the room, he was also pushing a trolley along with him into the room.

“The boy has told me everything I want to know, you may begin now.”

“But he’s just a boy, we do our experiments only on the criminals.”

“Do you argue with me?”

“I have orders.”

“And now you have new orders.”

I then turned around to Mikhail and handed him some money.

“You were never here.”

I leave the Doctor alone to do the test, I also gave him special orders that he was to follow. Once I have the truck fuelled I’m nearly ready to leave, as soon as it’s safe I go and collect Dimitri. Now I had him in the back of the truck where no one would see him.

I’d ordered the Doctor to stitch the boy up so the oil couldn’t escape, it must have been my lucky day. I went back to check the boss was busy elsewhere, that was when I noticed the vial on the tray and just grabbed it.

Soon I was back in the truck and I knew this was going to be hard, I’d never drove a vehicle using my fake arm. I pulled out and had to try and keep it in one gear, it was hard steering the truck at times but I managed. It was the thought of that gulag that kept me going, I never wanted to go back there as long as I lived.

I knew that I had to keep on driving no matter what, hopefully no one would notice the boy gone until I was far away from here. I drove for a few miles and then I noticed the road block up ahead, fuck now what as everything had been going so well.

As I got closer I noticed they were U.N trucks, I was left with no choice other than to pull over. I just sat there and waited, they could come to me if they wanted to talk. It was then that one of the soldiers came over to the truck.

“Sir what is your business out here at this hour?”

“I don’t answer to any of you where’s that bitch that’s in charge?”

I noticed her walk over, she looked like she really thought she was someone.

“I can help you Alex.”

“How do you know who I am?”

“I work for the same people as you, I’m well aware of who you are.”

“I don’t care, just get those fuckin trucks out of my way.”

“Where are you going Alex?”

“It’s nothing to you.”

“Maybe I can help you get there faster, I take it you still have the boy?”

“Yeah but I don’t see how you can help.”

“I have a private jet, it can take you to Vladivostok in far less time than a truck.”

“What would you want in return?”

“Just your help from time to time that’s all.”

I knew it would take days to get there in a truck, so I decided to risk it and followed them to the airfield.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up some time later to the sound of my alarm, I had three hours before I’d have to leave and return to work. I took a shower and shaved, soon I was dressed in casual clothes. I had no intention of ruining one of my own suits should I decide to go in, it wasn’t like I knew what I was walking in to or what to expect.

Hell there could be anything inside for all I knew, it could even be a front for illegal fire arms or anything. What I needed was a coffee more than anything, I decided to call at the coffee shop on the way. I found somewhere to park and ordered a coffee, sometimes I just liked to sit here and watch everyone as it made you feel a bit less alone.

There wasn’t many customers so I just sat and sipped my coffee, I made sure that I kept an eye on the time. I decided while I was waiting to give Skinner a quick call, I should really let him know that I went straight home last night. Finally Skinner answered his phone, at least he sounded like his usual self.

“Sir it’s Agent Mulder.”

“What can I do for you Agent Mulder?”

“I just wanted to inform you of my whereabouts, also to let you know I still have the F.B.I car that I requisitioned but it broke down. I’ve been left with no choice but to use my own Sir.”

“Right so firstly whereabouts are you Agent Mulder?”

“I’m on my way back to the stakeout, I gather that was where you wanted me Sir?”

“Yes that’s fine, have you learnt anything so far Agent Mulder?”

“Not a lot Sir, apart from the fact all the visitors appear to be well dressed men.”

“Very well Agent Mulder, can you make sure you report to me after your shift?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Oh and Agent Mulder make sure you also return the car keys so someone can pick it up.”

“Yeah okay no problem Sir.”

I hung up on Skinner and finished my coffee, finally the time had come to go back to work. I parked behind the other Agents car, I then went over to tell him that he could leave now. It was officially my job now, I also made a point of getting the notebook back from the other Agent.

It turned out to just be a repeat of yesterday, the other agent said all the men where well dressed and one arrived at least every hour. I knew that I’d wait until after dark before I’d go in, I liked the darkness to conceal my whereabouts. I had no idea how many people were inside, or if any of them were armed.

Fuck suddenly I had a flash back to the last time I went in without authorisation, that had got me suspended from work for a couple of weeks.   
A two week suspension because I put my own life at risk, however it was the memory of finding Alex in my apartment that upset me the most. I’d technically kidnapped him, one thing led to another and…. Oh shit I really had to get Alex out of my head.

I knew if I didn’t concentrate I’d end up dead, I had to sit here for at least three hours before I could go in. It was boring work as usual, it was really making me wonder just what was going on inside that building.

I logged it in my notebook every time someone came or went, also that they were all smartly dressed. I checked that my gun was fully loaded, I also checked that my back up gun was loaded too. I now decided that the time had come to leave here.

I decided to just go for a walk around to begin with, I just wanted to see if there were any other entrances to the place. I made a point of walking around the building twice, soon I knew that there was another door at the rear.

This looked like it could be my way in, hopefully without anyone seeing me enter too. I just wanted to get in and take a quick look around, see if there was anything unusual inside before slipping back out.


	34. Chapter 34

  
When we arrived it was a small plane that was there waiting, Marita got one of the soldiers to put the boy inside the plane as it was hard for me with one arm.

“Right Alex the pilot will take you to Vladivostok, you will then find many cargo ships there that are leaving Russia.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for this Marita.”

“No problem at all Alex.”

I watched as Marita spoke to the pilot before he got on the plane, once he boarded we were soon ready to leave.

“Marita said she’ll have a U.N truck waiting on the runway when we land, the driver will take you and the boy to the docks.”

“Okay and thanks for this.”

The pilot then turned back around and prepared for take-off, I sat back in my seat as I was tired and it was now dark outside. I knew that personally I’d feel a lot safer once I was on the boat, there would be less chance of anyone finding me. Well in all fairness I would be far happier once I was back in America, at least then I’d be able to get rid of the boy.

I just had this deep down feeling and couldn’t explain it, I could be wrong but I just felt so unsure about Marita. I’d brought a couple of bottles of water with me, I had to make sure I stopped the boy’s stitches from drying out. I knew I wouldn’t like to be in the good Doctors shoes, especially when they learn what has happened.

At the moment I was worried someone would be waiting, I had visions of the plane landing and someone just grabbing me. I also had visions of been a prisoner once more and back in the gulag. Yeah right, I wouldn’t even be a prisoner if I ended up back there, I’m sure they’d kill me on sight.

I was exhausted and everything had just happened so fast, I’d hardly slept since those few hours at the abduction site. I drifted in and out of sleep, I dreamt about Fox and what he could be doing right now. 

He wanted me so much and kept kissing me, it felt so good to be wanted by him once more. Fox took me to bed with him and wanted to make love, everything just felt so perfect at the moment. I loved him with all my heart, I also wanted him inside me more than anything else. 

Fox kissed me and told me that he loved me as he undressed me, it was then that he saw my arm, or should I say the lack of my arm. His face changed and he was repulsed by me, he stood up over me and full on punched me. After a few moments he started yelling abuse at me instead.

“Your pathetic Alex, how the hell can you expect anyone to want you now? You’re only good for a quick fuck if no one else is available.”

He started forcing himself onto me, he never held back and was brutal as he entered my ass. Shit it was then that I woke up, it had all just been a fuckin nightmare. I soon realized that I was still on the plane, yet a big part of me felt so lost and alone. I’d felt so loved and wanted by Fox, then it had to just be a dream and Fox wasn’t here with me.

I looked over to Dimitri and found him rather out of it, it was then that the pilot started talking to me.

“We’ll be landing in about ten minutes, are you oaky as you don’t look to good at the moment?”

“Yeah I’m fine thanks, I guess I’m just a bit tired that’s all.”

I remained quiet for the rest of the flight, I just mainly kept a look out for the runway. More than anything I just wanted some fresh air, at the moment I hated myself far more than ever before. 

I’d never told Fox about my past before I met him, shit I’d gone to Fox that day knowing he’d hit me. I’d wanted to feel his hands upon me, yet I also wanted to be punished by him.

Before Fox I’d visited many exclusive sex parlours, my mission had always been to find someone who would punish me. Maybe I’d see Fox again, even if it was just for the pain I’d receive.

It was then that I saw the lights and the runway, thank God I was so pleased as we landed.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went back to my car and waited a couple more hours, soon however I knew it was now or never. I got out of my car and crept around the building, at least there was no one about to see me as I reached the back door. Shit I’d have to hope that there were no cameras out here, I pulled my picklock out of my pocket and got started.

I was inside within minutes, back here it was really dark and I’d have to watch every move I made. I could hear some voices in the distance, I decided to move a bit closer in the hope of hearing them. I really wanted to see what was going on here and I was trying to get a better look.

“Dr Johnson can you come here and check this tank out?”

“Very well, what appears to be the matter with it?”

“The temperature keeps fluctuating for some reason.”

“Look just get on with your work, we can check it out later and see if it’s changed at all.”

“Very well, maybe it’s just a draught coming from somewhere.”

“It could be, how long have we got before the next client arrives?”

“About thirty minutes.”

I knew that I’d have to get closer, I had to see what was in the tank they were talking about. One had mentioned a drop in the temperature, shit that could have happened when I opened the outer door.

I realized I could either rush in now and take a look, or I could wait for the client to arrive and see what happens. I finally decided to go with the second option, I just had to remain undetected and be as quiet as possible.

God I hated just waiting and the time went really slow, it didn’t help as I was also starting to get cramp from my crouched down position. I could hear the Doctors moving around, but everything was silent in here apart from them.   
Eventually I heard someone else come into the building, I guessed that this must be the client they were expecting.

I had to move from my position to hear what was said, the client sounded rather pleased with what was going on.

“The clones should be ready within one week Sir, are you happy with the outcome so far?”

“Very pleased, I’m sure that Charles will be too.”

“Good can you please let Mr Spender know that everything here’s on track, so far we’ve had no problems at all?”

God it hit me just what was going on here, shit they were creating clones, worse as usual it was Spender behind it all. I knew that I just couldn’t walk away and do nothing, I decided I’d wait until the client left before acting. I stepped out of the shadows and raised my gun, I then aimed it at one of the Doctors.

“Put your hands up now.”

“Who are you?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

I forced them over to the wall and cuffed them together, I’d also threaded the cuff around a pipe so they couldn’t escape. I then took a quick look around, which was when I realized there were at least ten tanks with a clone in.

I now knew that this was Spenders work and for that reason alone I couldn’t just walk away, I would have to destroy every single clone before I left here. I went around and pulled the plug on every single one of them, I just watched as they started to dissolve into a green fluid. At least the tanks appeared to be air tight and that was something I was thankful for.

I waited until the final one dissolved and then knew I’d have to call for back up, I’d also need someone to come and pick the Doctors up. I got my phone out of my pocket as I heard a noise behind me. I was too late as everything around me went black.

XXXXXXXXXX

The small plane came to a stop on the runway, Marita had kept her word as a truck was there waiting for us. The driver got out and helped me move Dimitri, I got in the back and held him as the driver set off.

“I’ve been instructed by Marita to take you to the docks, she also sent you this note.” 

“Thank you.”

He reached his hand out to give me the note, I took it from him and flipped it open.

Alex there’s a cargo ship named The Star of Russia, look out for it as it will be heading towards New York. It would be the safest ship for you to travel on, they will hide you in the cargo hold for the right price. Marita.

I would keep that in mind when we got there, I’d transferred some money from my arm and just hoped it was enough. I am sure I’d be able to get to D.C from New York without a problem. At least at the moment it was still dark outside, the journey would take about another twenty minutes and we’d be at the docks.

After that I knew I was going to be stuck on a ship for a few days, I’d also have to keep a close eye on the boy while on the ship. The driver remained silent until we reached the docks, it was then that he decided to speak to me.

“Stay here while I go and see what I can do, have you got any money on you at all?”

“Yeah some, I don’t know if it’ll be enough though.”

“How much have you got on you in cash?”

“I’ve got about five thousand dollars.”

“Right I’ll go and see then.”

With that he was gone, once again I was left alone with only the boy for company.

“Well it’s just me and you Dimitri, you’ll be fine once this is all over I promise.”

It was then that I noticed the driver returning, he then came up to the truck window to talk to me.

“Right The Star of Russia’s willing to take you and the boy, you will have to remain in the cargo hold for the duration of the trip.”

“Yeah that’s okay, what about the payment, are they willing to accept what I have?”

“Yes they said that it will be fine and cover both of you.”

“Thanks’ for this.”

“No problem, I’ll help you on board with the boy.”

I was grateful of any help at the moment, more than anything I’d need to remove my arm for even just a short time. My stump was in agony from all the rubbing, it hadn’t helped as I’d hardly taken it off since I got it. The driver carried the boy down below, there was a cover and he lay Dimitri upon it.

“Right I’ll have to get going now, I’ll let Marita know that everything went to plan and that you’re both on the ship”

“Yeah tell her I’m really grateful.”

“I will do, oh and by the way the ship sets sail in about an hour.”

“Yeah okay that’s good.”

I went and filled a couple of buckets with water, I then ripped a cloth into strips to use on the boy to keep his stiches moist.

“I’ve brought you some water, can you hear me? If you can hear me I need you to nod your head."

I watched as the boy slowly managed to nod his head, I then used the wet cloth to wipe his forehead.

“I’m going to take good care of you.”

I then sat in front of the door and made myself as comfortable as possible, I would then need to get some sleep before I did anything else.

XXXXXXXXXX 

Fuck I had a major headache and wanted to throw up, I could vaguely remember the clones and destroying them all. Yet here I was now in a pitch black room, I went to reach into my pocket for a light and that was when I realized I was naked. 

However I could feel something around my neck, I’d have to just guess that it was a collar of some sorts. I believed it to be metal but that was it, I pulled myself up onto my feet and stood. Now I felt far worse than I had before, I just wanted a minute for my head to stop spinning before trying to walk.

It was then that I also realized one of my ankles was attached to a chain, I reached down to try and feel how long it was. Well I had some movement but not a lot, I realized that I must have triggered some alarm when I destroyed the clones, that meant whoever had me must work for Spender.

Shit suddenly the first person to come to mind was Alex, no I didn’t want to believe that Alex would stoop as low as this. Even though I’d been as low to kidnap him in the past, maybe this was just his idea of revenge. Suddenly an extreme bright light came on, it was so sudden that it had blinded me.

“Who are you? What do you want with me?”

“All in good time Agent Mulder.”

“What’s that, shit what are you doing to me?”

I felt the needle as it sank into my arm, I had no idea at all what they were injecting me with. A minute or so later I found myself alone once again. I noticed that the room was all white and way too bright by far, well this time they’d appeared to leave the lights on for me. 

I noticed that there was a mattress in the corner with a blanket on it, in the other corner there was a bucket and that was it. I realized the chain allowed me to reach both corners, I made my way over to the mattress and just collapsed on it. I then grabbed hold of the blanket, at least I could use it to hide my nudity from them.

I started burning up and soon it felt like my whole body was on fire, oh God I couldn’t understand what the hell was happening to me. I could see some bright lights and they were burning my eyes, all I wanted was for the pain in my eyes to stop. Soon I started clawing at them but nothing seemed to help me at all. What the fuck had they injected into me?

I started going through all the possibilities of alien stuff they could introduce my body to, I got up as quick as I could and only just made it to the bucket, it was then that I threw up the entire contents of my stomach.

God I just wanted to die, I lay back down on the mattress and curled into a tight ball. Suddenly I had an extreme cramp in my stomach and moaned aloud in pain, now I was burning up far worse and hoped that it would all end soon.

Suddenly everything just looked really strange and something was chasing me, it was then that I started screaming and couldn’t stop. I grabbed the blanket even tighter around myself, I just had to get away from the strange light that was following me.

It changed and it was now a red light, the light just kept flashing on and off with smoke coming from it. The monster with the red light was trying to steal my blanket from me, it also just kept on laughing at me too.

I held on to the blanket as tight as I possibly could, finally the monster laughed again and went away for now.

XXXXXXXXXX

It was rather cold at first on the ship, all I’d wanted was to get some decent sleep yet I couldn’t. Every time I started to fall asleep the boy would start moaning again. It must have been a good couple of hours before I got any rest at all, I was totally exhausted and finally fell into a deep sleep.

I dreamt of far better times, I was a small child and was sat on my mother’s knee as she sang to me and I loved her more than life itself. My mother was my whole life as a child, she’d always been there for me when I needed her.

I was crying as something had upset me, she was hugging me and telling me I’d be okay. Then suddenly everything changes, the good moment has passed as the shouting starts once again.

“For God’s sake Alexis, he’s not a baby anymore so don’t treat him like one.”

“He’s only six Vladimir, he’s just a small boy.”

“You pamper to his every need, he’ll grow up to be a fairy and not a man.”

“Leave him alone, he’s not one of the men you work with and can boss around.”

“No he’s not, he’s my son and needs to grow up somewhat.”

Suddenly everything changed once more, I was twelve years old and in my own bed. It had been the first time that he’d come to me, my Aunt had been really ill and Mama was staying with her for a while.

I felt the mattress move as someone got into bed with me, I knew it was my father as he smelt of whisky. I had no idea what he was doing, I thought he was just drunk again and had got into the wrong bed.

I turned around to find him wide awake, all I wanted was to tell him he was drunk and in the wrong bed.

“Papa please this is my bed, Papa you’re in the wrong bed.”

“No Lexi I’m right where I want to be.”

It was then that I noticed he was naked and soon he started tugging at my pyjama bottoms, he wasn’t happy until I was also naked. I knew that I couldn’t stop him as he was far stronger than me, he then just started yelling at me. I tried so hard to push him away from me, but all that did was make laugh at me even more.

“You want to be a fuckin pansy boy so be it, I’ll show you just what they do to boys like you Lexi.”

“Papa please stop.”

“I’ve seen the way you look at other boys.”

“No Papa please it hurts, god it hurts so much please stop Papa.”

I then screamed at the pain as he forced himself inside me, shit I sat up and realized I was screaming because of a nightmare and nothing more.   
I was all alone apart from the boy, my Father was now just a distant memory and couldn’t hurt me anymore. 

I didn’t want to think about him right now, I quickly got up and grabbed some water. It took me a few minutes to calm down, since I was awake I decided to check on the boy. I used the wash cloth on Dimitri, he stirred but thankfully remained asleep which was good. It would only be a couple more days at sea and then we’d reach New York.

XXXXXXXXXX 

I must have finally fallen asleep, I woke thinking it had all just been a bad nightmare. I then looked around and realized it was far from being a nightmare Shit I really was trapped here in this room, I tried to stand but just felt really sick and dizzy. It was then that I heard the door open. I looked up and in walked my worst nightmare.

“How are you feeling Agent Mulder?”

“Far worse now I’ve seen you.”

“I personally thought we were treating you rather well.”

“You won’t get away with this, let me fuckin go you cancerous bastard.”

“Now that’s no way to speak to your host.”

I never even thought about it as I just charged at the bastard, all I wanted to do was cause him some pain just for a change. Shit I then felt an immense pain right through my entire body, I then dropped down onto my knees in agony

“Oh Agent Mulder you so underestimate me, the collar you are wearing’s fitted with an electronic device. One false move and you will suffer greatly, do I make myself understood?”

“I hate you so much.”

“I no longer care what you think about me, but maybe I’ve got something that you want though.”

“The only thing I want is to see you dead.”

“Oh I’m sure you also want the elusive Mr Krycek, you could have him to do with as you please.”

“You don’t even know where he is, also I know that he hasn’t worked for you in a very long time.”

“I can get him for you not that I have a clue as to why you’d want him? He’s damaged goods now and should be put out of his misery.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

“I could even give you a real man if you’d prefer one.”

“Fuck you Spender.”

Fuck suddenly the pain was back far worse this time, I’d swear the bastard got his kicks out of using it.

“I think it’s time you were taught a lesson Agent Mulder, a lesson in obedience to start with,”

“Go to hell.”

“I’ve already been there before, however welcome to your own private hell Agent Mulder.”

He pushed the button once more and now I couldn’t stand the pain, I was also totally unable to move at all. I soon realized that was what Spender had wanted, it was then another man entered the room with a white Doctors coat on. He bent down beside me and forced something into my mouth, he then kept his hand there to stop me from spitting it out.

“Well Agent Mulder you’re not so clever now are you?”

“You bastard, what the fuck did he put in my mouth?”

“Just something to help you relax, or maybe give you one or two nightmares.”

“What the fuck was it? Tell me now!”

“It was L.S.D Agent Mulder.”

“What the fuck?”

“It will make the next step of your capture that bit easier. You might not even realize anyone is there, I guarantee though Agent Mulder that you will feel every bit of pain that’s dished out to you.”

I could hardly think straight yet I knew I was well and truly fucked now.


	35. Chapter 35

I kept myself lowdown on the ship, at least no one ever really visited this part so I felt reasonably safe. I had someone bring me some food at least twice a day which was good, at least it was all dried food so I could eat it at my leisure. 

I have to admit that it was starting to creep me out having the boy here though, shit I could even see the black oil moving around under his skin. I guess it just brought back far too many memories, a bathroom in the airport and also the silo in North Dakota.

I really had to stop thinking so much about my past, all I was doing was becoming even more depressed than usual. I was also starting to feel really claustrophobic shut down here, the sea had turned really rough and I was feeling sick most of the time now. I thought that given time things would improve, however the winds picked up causing the ship to rock and sway.

Maybe I should just try lying down or something, otherwise I knew I’d just start throwing up all over the place. Well at least the black oil seemed to be keeping Dimitri alive for now and I wanted as little contact with him as possible, the feeling of holding him as that stuff swam around his body, great now I knew I was going to be sick.

I just made it to the bucket and threw up, I then collapsed down onto my makeshift bed. My whole body ached from where I’d had to spend most of my time sat or asleep, at least when I was asleep the time passed a lot faster and that was what I wanted.

The ship crew had informed me that we’d be at sea for another thirty hours or so, I thought I’d try and get some more sleep, hopefully this time without any bad dreams. No such luck, however they were nightmares and not dreams.

I’d been sent to the market with my father, my mother thought it would do me some good to spend some time with him. We never went to the market though, he just carried on driving until reached the middle of nowhere. It was only then that he stopped the car and pulled over, my heart sank as I knew what he expected from me.

“Alex get out of the car.”

I was sixteen, shit no way was I having him touch me now.   
  


“Alex I won’t ask you again, get out of the fuckin car right now!”

“Why what are you going to do if I refuse?”

Shit I should have known as he had a temper, he came around to the passenger side and yanked the door open. He then reached inside the car and grabbed me by my hair, he then forcefully yanked me out of the car.

“You clever little bastard, try me like that again and see what happens to you.”

“I’ve had enough of you touching me all the time, I just want it to stop.”

He punched me hard in the stomach and winded me, as I was doubled over he started unfastening my jeans. I cried like a fuckin baby as he raped and beat me, I vowed that day that I’d never let him touch me again.

Then suddenly everything changed and it was no longer my father raping me, all I could see now was the face of Fox. The man hit me repeatedly and beat me, yet I just took it all as he raped me. I woke up praying that I’d be off this ship real soon, that or I was going to end up mad.

XXXXXXXXXX

I hated the fact that I was a prisoner to that cancerous bastard, however I saw no way out of my current situation.

“You bastard, you think that you can just intimidate everyone don’t you?”

“Agent Mulder do you want to feel more pain, if not I’d be very careful what you say.”

God suddenly I couldn’t take anymore, it felt as if someone was squeezing my stomach hard. Shit it was then that I started throwing up again, it didn’t help that I’d had nothing to eat for hours now either.

“Not so clever now are you Agent Mulder, I think it was about time you were brought down a peg or two don’t you?”

“Yeah because violence is the only way you can do it, well fuck you.”   
  


“Have it your way Agent Mulder.”

Fuck suddenly I couldn’t even stand anymore, the pain caused me to collapse and become immobile. I lay down on the floor and hugged myself, the tears came and were later followed by the nightmares. I grabbed hold of the blanket and had to hide, I had to hide from all the monsters that were now here with me.

“Take the blanket from him, he won’t be having any luxuries whatsoever.”

The monster in the white coat came over and grabbed my blanket from me, I suddenly felt so lost and vulnerable. I then closed my eyes and started moaning.

“Right I want this room cleaned up and disinfected as the stench is vile, also you can clean Agent Mulder up while you’re at it.”

The one with the red blinking light and smoke gave the orders around here, however I preferred it when I was alone and all the monsters had left. Someone came back a bit later and once again forced something into my mouth, they then threw a bucket of cold water over me.

I was so cold and huddled into a corner until they all went away, my teeth started chattering after a while and I couldn’t stop the tears. The monsters came in many forms, there were demons and even a giant fluke worm chasing me. I started screaming as it came closer towards me, I screamed until my throat was raw and I couldn’t scream any more.

I couldn’t take any more or this and had to get away no matter what, I started banging my head on the wall and then I looked up, Fuck no I couldn’t take this, there hung from the beam was Alex.

It sent me totally over the edge as he hung there so damaged, he wasn’t even breathing as those lifeless eyes stared at me accusingly. My heart was breaking to see him like this because of me, I was the one who’d driven him to take his own life.

I started hitting the wall and screaming over and over again, soon my hands were all bloody and raw as I carried on until I felt the pain once more. Fuck it was like a huge electric shock as it went through my body, however this time I welcomed the pain as I believed I deserved what I got.

The monster with the white coat was back again, I pulled myself into a ball to protect myself from it. I didn’t want the monster to touch me or come near me, yet I was as far into the corner as I could possibly go. He came closer and I knew that I was trapped, that was when I felt the needle sink into my arm.

I collapsed on the mattress and started screaming again, I never stopped until I finally passed out.

XXXXXXXXXX

The ship was getting closer to New York now, all I had to do was keep the boy alive for a few more hours. The first thing I’d need to do would be to call Spender, all I wanted was to know that I’d have a safe passage into America.

I hated that black lunged bastard and hated having to deal with him, but I wanted to go and see Fox and ask him to his face why he did it. Well that will be if I can face him without breaking down, that or he’d just end up beating the shit out of me.

It had been a strange long journey to get back to America, it was now over seven months since I went to Russia with Fox. Back when we’d gone there to see my Mother, yet it had all just turned into one long nightmare lasting seemingly forever.

I’d also now gone months without any medication at all, my body was slowing down now and I couldn’t do this anymore. A few months ago I thought I had everything, yet here I am now with nothing. I was having to resort to blackmail just to keep myself alive, I just wanted to know that I would be okay and not on someone’s hit list.

I had to remember that the ship was docking in New York, I’d still have to make my way back to Washington. My first step would be Mulders apartment, I had to find out if Fox had kept any of my stuff. I was disrupted as I heard someone coming down the corridor of the ship, I quickly went out as I wanted no one to see the condition of the boy.

“Sir I’ve been sent by the Captain, he said to tell you that we’ll be docking in four hours.”

“Very good, will there be a phone I can use when we dock?”

“I will come and arrange this for you as soon as we dock.”

“Thank you I appreciate the help.”

“Is there anything you need before then?”

“No I’m fine thank you.”

“Very well I will see you in four hours then.”

With that he turned and walked away, the minute we reached New York I’d phone the office Spender had there. I guess I was lucky that I’d remembered the number of their office.

I went back to Dimitri, the boy was starting to look really pale and ill now.

“Hold on there, a few more hours and you’ll be okay.”

I got myself as clean as I could under the circumstances, I knew that I’d need a shave and clean clothes once I was off the ship. I shoved my few measly belongings into a bag, I guess that was the up side to hardly having anything in life.

I was just thankful that the journey was nearly over, I’d suffered so many nightmares after I returned to Russia. As far as I was concerned I’d never be coming back, my home was now America and I had no reason to return back to Russia. It was my home country by birth but that was all, it felt really strange the more I thought about myself.

Technically I didn’t really belong anywhere now, no one would be waiting for me or even miss me. I started to feel somewhat better now as I saw land in the distance, I was finally back in America and would soon be leaving this ship.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t see what that cancerous bastard was up to, why didn’t he just kill me and put an end to it all. I was becoming seriously dehydrated now, also I was having severe stomach pains from the lack of food. Yet all they did was inject me over and over, that or shove things into my mouth.

I knew that they were hallucinogenic drugs, I also knew deep down that the things I were seeing were not real. It’s easy when you’re not drugged to think that, however the minute they drug me I’ll believe it’s all real once more.

The worst experience had been the one with Alex, just to see him hung there and lifeless. Now even without the drugs I had to wonder if Alex was behind this, maybe this was payback for what I’d done to him.

Finally someone came with some water, maybe if I was lucky they might feed me too. It was the Doctor who came this time and he’d even brought me some dry bread, at first my stomach ached worse as I ate, I guess I’d just gone so long without food.

“Eat it slowly or you’ll be sick.”

“Like you fuckin care.”

“I’m given orders and all I do is follow them.”

“Yeah you take orders from that cancerous bastard.”

“Please just eat the food.”

“What does he want from me?”

“You will see soon enough.”

It wasn’t long before the Doctor left, well at least he hadn’t drugged me on this visit. Okay so maybe that was a bad thing, now I’d know exactly what they were doing to me. I tried eating the bread so I had something in my stomach, however it either hurt my stomach more or my throat. I just wanted Spender to come and end it as I’d had enough, all I wanted to do was sleep as my body ached so much.

Maybe if I fell asleep I wouldn’t have to think so much, I was just so cold though and had no form of heat whatsoever. I just drifted in and out of sleep, but after sometime I still felt no better than before.

I started to wonder if anyone had even missed me yet, Skinner had known I was on a stakeout but that meant nothing. He knew I was the type to rush in where I wasn’t wanted, he also knew I failed to let him know when I’d finished a shift. Maybe he might finally realize after I’ve been gone a while, at the moment I had no concept of time or knew how long I’d been here.

My guess was that this location would be really secure, that’s how Spender liked to work. I couldn’t believe Alex had been so gullible to believe Spenders lies in the past, yeah some fast step up the ladder he got.   
No Alex had learnt the hard way, there was no fast way unless you paid greatly. 

I’d truly believed that Alex wasn’t working for him anymore, yet I’d questioned a lot after my little trip to Russia. Maybe I should just ask Spender outright, I’d soon be able to tell if he was lying to me or not. Not that Spender had visited me for a while now, well I guess he had people like Alex to do his dirty work for him.

So far I’d only ever seen the Doctor and Spender here visiting me, there had been no one else around here until now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt far more confident than I had in a long time, I’d never been happier to finally be back on American soil. I checked the boy and he was doing as well as he could be, maybe I might see Marita again and get to thank her for all her help. I was informed that the ship was docking for a few hours, well that would be plenty of time for what I had planned. 

I would need to contact the consortium, I knew they had an office here in New York as I’d been there in the past. I wasn’t looking forward to having to deal with them, but it wasn’t like I had many options available to me.

The black lunged bastard would never let me live this down, however I was now the one with the bargaining chip in all of this. Finally I was given a phone, I then finally made the call that I knew I had to make.

“Well look who’s answering the bat phone.”

I was quite surprised that the Englishman had answered the phone, not that it mattered to me and maybe this was better anyway.

“Those guys too cheap to offer you a pension plan?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m in town, actually New York city.”

“Just tell us what you want.”

“You’ve been working on a vaccine against the black oil.”

“Unsuccessfully you know!”

“Yeah well I figured you and your buddies must have been busy while I was gone.”

“Our research continues.”

“I’ll take everything you’ve got.”

“In exchange for?”   
“The boy.”   
“Why is that in our interest?”   
“Because without what he knows, you’re not going to need a vaccine.”   
“What does he know?”   
“That’s my opening offer, the longer you wait the skinnier the kid gets.”   
I hung up on the Englishman, now all I could do was wait and see how things played out. I’m sure given enough time they’d want to make a deal, as long as they did it before the ship set sail again.   
I went back to check on Dimitri, he was still just lying there and not moving. I watched him for so long but the clock was ticking, I knew that I’d have to get off this ship real soon. 

If I ended up taking him with me I’d have to steal a car, even though I’d planned to keep a low profile until after I saw Fox. I also knew that it would only be a matter of time before the oil found a way out, by that time I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

I did wonder how much the consortium knew about my illness’ that was if they even knew anything at all. Knowing Spender he’d have been keeping a watch on what Fox was doing, yeah Spender would have known why Fox had been off work so much in the past.

XXXXXXXXXX

This time I looked up to see the Doctor, he also had two rather large men following him this time. I didn’t stand a chance as they came over and pulled me up, even so I’d still tried to go out fighting. I kicked one of the men right between the legs, then I decided to bite the other one as he grabbed me.

“Get your fuckin hands off me, what the hell do you want from me now?”

“You can fight all you want Agent Mulder, however I assure you that I will carry out the orders I was given.”

“Yeah because no one dare stand up to him.”

Fuck I could smell the smoke before I even saw Spender, not much of a surprise really considering the amount he smoked. 

“Mulder dear boy calm down, why fight something you have no control over?”

“Fuck you Spender.”

“You think it’s all just me don’t you, I’m sure I have people that work for me that you have an interest in?”

“No chance.”

“How about Alex Krycek, I’m sure you were very interested in him.”

“Alex hasn’t worked for you in a long time.”

“How disillusioned you are Agent Mulder, Alex Krycek has always worked for me and always will.”

“You’re nothing but a lying black lunged bastard.”   
“We shall see, maybe I’ll re unite you with him later on. I told you that we could get you a real man, however you seem to be into the damaged and incomplete ones.”

“I’m not interested in anyone that works for you that also includes Alex Krycek.” 

“Who’s the liar now Agent Mulder?”   
“Fuck you.”   
“Right get him moved now, it’s time that Agent Mulder here was dealt with.”   
“Don’t fuckin touch me, get your filthy hands off me now.”   
I tried but they were far bigger and stronger than I was, one of them slammed me into the wall and bent my arm painfully behind my back.   
“Walk now, or I swear that I will break your fuckin arm.”   
I knew I was defeated and the thug would break my arm if it came to it, however I found some more strength when I saw the room that they were forcing me into. I really lost it, I punched one and then kicked the other, it was then that I was grabbed from behind and everything went black.   
I was getting a bit sick of people using chloroform on me, it was awful stuff that just made me want to throw up. 

Yet I had a feeling that I had far worse things to worry about at the moment. The room I found myself in was really cold and dark, there appeared to be no mattress or any luxuries in this room. My ankle was cuffed to a chain and I could hardly move, I started to have a really bad feeling about this.   
  



	36. Chapter 36

I felt on top of the world at the moment, I knew it was only a matter of time before they gave in. It would just take some time, I could just imagine them all sat there debating it all. I knew that they’d also try to get the boy without giving me anything that was how the consortium had always worked and always will.

I was just sick of people walking all over me all the time, this was where I’d be the one to come out on top. I decide to put some more water on Dimitris stitches, I then turn to see Marita and she looks so out of place on this dirty ship.

“You think you can pull this off don’t you?”

Suddenly I find myself kissing her, I don’t know if it’s all the time alone or the feeling of power.

“They give me what I want…. I’m gonna rule the world.”

“We’ve got them on their knees Alex.”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s get out of this hell hole.”

She pulls me by the hand and takes me upstairs, there are rooms here that all look really clean.

“Come on Alex let’s go in here.”

I followed her into the large room, she then pulled me over towards the large bed. Soon she starts to unfasten my jeans as she pushes me down.

“God I want you so much Alex.”

“Yeah.”

“Come on strip for me, I want to see every bit of you”

“The top stays on Marita.”

I pull my jeans off and she pushes me back down on the bed, I see her face suddenly change along with how she looks at me. Fuck it’s then that I realize she’s used me and played me all along since Russia.

“You’re pathetic Alex, do you really think I want someone like you? You’re not even a real man, everyone knows your sexual preferences Alex. Yeah your little boyfriend has been asking after you, he sounded as pathetic and desperate as you.”

“You fuckin bitch, you think you’re better than everyone else.”

“Well I’m far better than you Alex, you’re fucked up and not even whole anymore. The best thing Agent Mulder did was dump you.”

I couldn’t take any more of this, maybe because I knew deep down she was right. I pushed her backwards and quickly re dressed.

“You’re a complete bitch Marita and I hope one day you need my help, because you sure as hell won’t get it.”

  
I ran out of the room, all I wanted was to be as far away from her as possible. I started to wonder if Fox really had asked after me, or was it just wishful thinking on my part. I was so fuckin stupid, I’d managed to let everyone walk all over me yet again.

I arrived back downstairs in the cargo hold, it literally took me only seconds to realize the boy was gone. I turn around as I hear a voice behind me, it’s then I see the Englishman stood there holding a gun.

“Well where’s the boy?”

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck now I was chained here like I was an animal and nothing more, I was freezing cold now and my whole body ached so much.

“Feel free to talk at any time Agent Mulder, that way I might just consider giving you a blanket.

“Fuck you Spender, you can rot in Hell for all I care.”

“That Agent Mulder is just what might happen to you.”

“What the fuck do you want from me? Why do you presume I know something?”

“Because you were the one who pulled the plug on our main operation.”

“Yeah and I bet all the evidence will have already disappeared, so who do you think will believe what I say?”

“You saw enough Agent Mulder, you’re relentless and don’t stop until you get what you want.”

“Yeah well maybe you can just let me go then, right now that’s the only thing that I want.”

“Sorry but that won’t be happening anytime soon, you saw far more than you should have. Maybe I might be generous after all, I might send you a little gift to keep you warm down here.”

“I think I’ll decline, I’d rather freeze than accept anything from you.”

“I never said it was optional Agent Mulder.”

“Haven’t you got anything better to do than stand there watching me?”

“I rather like watching you Agent Mulder, just to see you abused and taken apart.”

“I’ll get my own back, I can guarantee you that if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Well I’ll pop back later as I have some plans to make, you see Agent Mulder within forty eight hours your life will be over.”

“Like I’d believe anything that comes out of your lying mouth.”

“Don’t worry I’ll be on a nice warm beach soon enough.”

“People out there will be looking for me by now.”

“Well they won’t find you that’s for sure.”

With that he just walked out, I was left here now to wonder if this really was where my life ended. I sat down on the cold floor as there wasn’t anything else I could do, I wondered if anyone was missing me yet or maybe even out looking for me.

I wondered if Alex was still alive and if this was his doing, fuck I really didn’t want to think about him right now. I noticed that I now had company again as the Doctor returned.   
  


“What the fuck do you want now?”   
  


“I’ve just come to prepare you as ordered Agent Mulder.”   
  


“Prepare me for what?”

“You’ll see in good time.”

I lashed out at him and hoped he’d leave me alone.   
“There’s no point fighting me.

It was then that I saw the other two men he had following him, shit they both came over and held me as the Doctor injected me yet again.

“Fuck you all.”

“Just relax Agent Mulder, it will be far easier if you do.”

“What the fuck have you done to me?”

The bastards refused to tell me anything at all, in a way I hoped I’d die before the drugs wore off.

XXXXXXXXXX

The bastard had the gun pointed at me, shit I also noticed he looked like he might actually use it too.

“I asked where the boy is?”

“I told you that I don’t know where he is!”

“Very well, sit down then Alex and then this won’t have to hurt.”

I did as he asked, I really didn’t want to try his patience when I was unarmed. The cuff was hung from the pipe where I’d kept Dimitri prisoner, now it just hung there empty, however that was about to change any minute now.   
  


“Put the cuff around your wrist Alex, then fasten it and make sure that it’s secure.”

“Are you serious?”

“Deadly serious, just do it now or I’ll pull the trigger. Believe me I won’t lose any sleep over it so the choice is yours Alex.”

Shit I knew that I was left with no choice, I put the cuff around my wrist and clicked it shut and became a prisoner myself.

“It’s nice to see that you’re still capable of understanding, especially after your little accident.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

“Don’t you dare push me Alex, once upon a time you were good at what you did.”

“I’m still good at what I do.”

“No Alex you became soft the day you killed Bill Mulder, the day you fell in love with his son.”

“Yeah well look where that got me.”

“Did he no longer want you Alex, was it because he learnt just how incomplete you are?”

“You get a kick out of this don’t you?”

“Alex if you were still any good at what you do, well let’s just say that Marita wouldn’t have got the better of you. As it’s looking that way now, you can wait here while I go and see if I can find her.”

“Hey you can’t leave me here.”

“Goodbye Alex.”

This had to be a fuckin joke, how the hell would I be able to get off this fuckin ship now. I’d had the key in my jeans pocket, well I guess Marita stole that along with the boy.

I had the spare key in my jacket pocket, unfortunately for me it was well beyond my reach. It was also far too warm down here and I couldn’t even reach the water. I’d put all that effort in to reach America, yet now it appeared that it was all for nothing.

I was struggling not to break down, shit I was also struggling to think no matter how I tried. I brain still had a habit of doing that if I became upset, or even if I just tried thinking too hard in general.

Maybe the Englishman was right after all, maybe I was worthless now as I sure as hell felt that way. Maybe that was the reason Fox attacked me back in the gulag, hell and even just left me there all alone with no way home. 

What a fuckin joke that was anyway, shit I didn’t even have a home anymore now. My last home had been with Fox in Hegal place along with my possessions, which he’d most probably have binned months ago now.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Just relax Agent Mulder please, getting yourself all worked up won’t help at all.”

“What the fuck did you give me?”

“Look it’s just something to make you more controllable that’s all.”

“Fuck no, I can’t stand this anymore.”

“Right you two get him prepared.”

One of the men unfastened the steel cuff, I was then just literally dragged out of there. They took me up a flight of stairs where another door stood open, I was then just shoved into a different room.

“Right someone will be along shortly, you might as well make yourself comfortable for now.”

Shit I realized I was too drugged up to even escape, not that they’d chance leaving the door unlocked anyway. I was starting to wonder just what they were preparing me for, however my brain didn’t want to work too well at the moment.

I could see all these bright coloured lights and everything became blurry if I tried focusing on anything, maybe if I was good they might forget all about me. Soon though the scary monsters returned, this time they were trying to grab hold of me and wouldn’t give up.

“Get off me, just let me go.”

“Agent Mulder this is for your own good, we don’t want you hurting yourself do we?”

“No stop, no I don’t want them on.”

The monster was trying so hard to silence me with a gag, but then it was also trying to blind me too as something went over my head, Soon I was in total darkness, however the monsters where still here as I could still hear them.   
My head hurt and I started to feel sick from all the drugs, shit then my empty stomach heaved and caused me severe pain. I could hear voices in the distance, however I had no idea who they were anymore.

  
“Remove the gag now before he chokes, make sure the mask stays on though.”

“Yes Sir.”

Suddenly I could talk again, for some reason that thought seemed to make me really happy. At least I finally stopped choking as they pulled me back up, maybe this was a friendly monster that was here now.

"Agent Mulder are you okay now?”

“Yeah I like you, you can be my friend if you want?”

“Sir did you have to insist that he take so much?”

“It’s better for us if he’s in a good mood.”

“Why does it matter Sir?”

“Because the impact or our actions will be far greater, we will destroy Agent Mulder bit by bit.”

“I thought you were going to kill him Sir?”

“All in good time, I might just leave him here to die a slow painful death,”

“So how long before we proceed Sir?”

“Very soon, Agent Mulder has been a thorn in my side for many years now. It’s now time to extract that thorn and dispose of it, time to move ahead with our plans.”   
“Very well Sir.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I was alone for some time before anyone came back down here, great it was then that I noticed it was the Englishman yet again.

“You’re probably thirsty?”

“Remind me to thank the captain about the service.”

“You may have that opportunity, the ship is bound back to Vladivostok tomorrow and I gather there’ll be quite an enthusiastic homecoming.”

I watched as he dipped the cloth into the bucket of water, he then squeezed it over my mouth, fuck it’s then that I realize how bad it tastes and spit it out.

“Do you have the boy?”

“No Ms Covarrubias took him, your alliance with her was as misguided as ours. It appears that she was unaware of the consequences of her deception and that you were cleverer than I thought Alex. Infect the boy to ensure infection of anyone who tries to learn what he knows, who would cheat on you.”

“Then where’s the boy?”

“Dead, victim of another mysterious holocaust, unable to tell us what he knew or saw.”

“Then you’ve got no choice but to deal with me.”

“I’m afraid there’s no deal to be made.”

“I’m the only one who knows what those incidents are, what they mean as I know what the boy saw.”

“You’ve as much told me what I need to know.”

“You know nothing.”

“If the boy was your trump card, why infect him unless you could also cure him with a vaccine developed by the Russians. One that works, it would mean that the resistance to the alien colonists is now possible.”

“You’re dreaming.”

“Do you have the vaccine?”

“You need what I know.”

“Do you have the vaccine…..?”

“Give you the means to save Covarrubias after what she did?”

“The means to save yourself.”

“Fuckin great, like I even have a choice then.”

“I’ll let you go right now Alex, all I want is the vaccine.”

“Ha you’ll let me go that easy?”

“Yes pretty much, I might just need you from time to time to do a job but that’s it.”

“Fine remove the cuffs and I’ll give you the vaccine.”

He kept his word and undid the cuffs, I knew that I’d have to give him the vaccine now just to survive. I handed it over to him and he just turned and walked away. I knew I had to get of this ship before it returned to Russia, as I knew I’d be a dead man should I return.

I made it off the ship and could finally breathe again, it felt so damn good to be back in America. Shit now I’d have to figure a way to get to Washington and back to Alexandria, First I’d need to find somewhere that I could remove my arm, I would need to see exactly how much money I had left.

XXXXXXXXXX

God it was unbelievable just how much my head hurt, I guess this was the comedown from all the shit they’ve been forcing me to take. I now found myself just sat huddled in the corner, I was unable to stop shivering and wondered if I’d ever get warm again. 

This time the bastards had left me without a blanket, also the only bed was beyond my reach. The bed was rather large and looked so comfortable, I had to wonder if it was put there while I was unconscious as I couldn’t remember if it had been there before. I bet the bastards just put it there to torment me, let me see what I can’t have while I’m restrained in the corner.

It was then that I realized I wasn’t alone anymore, I had to wonder just how many cigarettes that man could smoke in a day.

”It suits you to be chained there like an animal Agent Mulder, finally your once in your place and where you belong.”

“Go to Hell you cancerous bastard.”

“Is that any way to talk to the person who came to help?”

“You help? Don’t make me laugh as you’re the one who put me here.”

“I came to see if you’re warm enough?”

“There’s not much chance of that, well unless you’re going to move me from this freezing cold room.”

“Very well I’ll have someone come and move you.”

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“So distrusting of everyone Agent Mulder.”

“I have my reasons, especially where you’re concerned Spender.”

“Think what you want but someone will be along shortly to sort you out.”   
  


He never said anything else as he left, I was just left there wondering what Spender was up to now. I knew that Spender would never do anything without something in it for him, hell at the moment I’d even be happy just with some clothes.

I drifted in and out of sleep, yet it was too cold to stay asleep for long. I just sat there looking at the bed, longing to just be warm and comfortable once more. I was starting to become really ill now and the pain in my stomach was unbearable, all I wanted was to lay down and be able to sleep. Well it looked like that wasn’t going to happen soon, I noticed that the Doctor had returned and I wondered what was next.

“Agent Mulder can you please look at me?”

I lifted my head up to look at him, yet the whole time I was unable to stop shivering.

“You’re burning up Agent Mulder, I’m going to help you over to the bed okay.”

I could only nod my head as he helped me to my feet, he removed the restraints and lay me down on the nice comfy bed. At least the Doctor was helping me, well I guess he knew I had no strength left to fight anyone. I closed my eyes and just wanted to sleep, yet the pain was stopping me from doing anything at all.

“Agent Mulder you have a fever, I’m afraid it’s going to get far worse before it gets better.”

“I guess it will make Spender’s job easier then.”

“I’m sorry but he has plans for you.”

I closed my eyes as he injected me with something, finally after some time I fell into a troubled sleep. It was sometime later that I woke and my prayers had been answered, there beside me in the bed lay Alex.


	37. Chapter 37

I finally found some restrooms and went inside, once in there I managed to clean myself up somewhat and then removed my arm. Great I realized I had very little money left now, I knew that I had nowhere near enough to get back to D.C.

I’d be back to hitchhiking once again, I knew that this time I was going to have to be far more careful. I’d have to use what money I had left to get some food, well that or I’d starve before I got back there.

I knew it was about a four hour trip by car, it would be far easier if I could just find someone who was going all the way there. I looked for the people who looked most likely to give me a lift and it was mainly single men, I had a feeling that I might be intimidating to families or single women. 

Well I guess I was looking a bit rough and out of it now, I would eventually need a shave and some clean clothes. Finally I made my way to a small dinner, I decided to grab a small burger and a coffee while I was here. 

While I ate I watched everyone that was coming and going, how it must feel to just have a normal life. I then noticed a single bloke about to leave, this looked promising and was maybe my chance of a lift.

I followed him outside and watched as he went over to a small red sports car, maybe this wasn’t a good idea as he might just think I want to steal his car. Yet it was him who noticed that he was been followed, he unlocked his car then turned to face me.

“Can I help you?”

“Sorry I wasn’t creeping up on you or anything like that.”

“Yeah no problem.”

“I guess I was just hoping for a lift that’s all, someone mugged me and stole all my money.”

“It depends as to where you want to go.”

“Washington D, C.”

“I’m only going as far as Baltimore, I’m more than happy to take you there and the company would be good.”

“Yeah that would be great thanks.”

“Come on then get in.”

I got into the car and we talked for awhile, it wasn’t long though before I started drifting in and out of sleep. I was exhausted and everything had finally caught up with me. The driver had introduced himself to me as Paul and seemed friendly enough, I even offered him the little money I had left but he refused. 

Apparently he was on his way to see his girlfriend and talked about her a lot, I never said much about my own fucked up life. It literally only took a couple of hours to reach Baltimore, he even stopped at the bus station to let me out.

“Thanks ever so much for the lift.”

I got out of the car and looked around, I then turned around to say goodbye as he passed me something.

“Your welcome, here take this.”

I looked to see what he’d handed me, shit I realized that he’d given me a fifty dollar bill.

“I can’t take this.”

“I won’t take no for an answer, you can get yourself a bus the rest of the way.”

“Are you really sure?”

“Yeah believe it or not I’ve been where you are in the past.”

Before I even had a chance to reply he pulled away, I watched as he re-joined the traffic and was soon out of sight.

XXXXXXXXXX

  
“Alex you came back to me.”

“Hey I’m game, you can call me what you want as it makes no difference to me.”

I felt his hands holding me down on the bed, he then started biting my neck really hard.

“Alex please don’t it hurts.”

“Just shut up and lay still.”

He then grabbed hold of my cock and squeezed it really hard, shit then he bit my nipple to the point it was agonizing.

“Alex why are you hurting me like this?”

“What’s the matter don’t you like it rough?”

I never even had time to answer as he backhanded me hard, shit I felt the pain and knew he’d split my lip open. Alex had never behaved like this in the past, was it me who’d finally pushed him over the edge. No matter either way, I couldn’t help myself as I started screaming out.

“Alex please oh God I’m so sorry, please don’t hurt me like this.”

“Will you shut the fuck up, you’ll take whatever I give you and accept it.”

I started crying and no longer cared how pathetic I looked, I could take it from anyone except Alex. I then felt rough hands roll me over, I now lay here on my stomach as he ran his hands down my body.

“Alex please don’t.”

“What’s matter Foxy don’t you want it?”

Oh shit it was then that I felt the rough finger enter me dry, he forced it deep inside causing me to scream in pain.

“Do you like that? I bet you’re a right fuckin slut really.”

“Alex please, shit Alex why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I want to, also because I can.”

“Please don’t.”

”It’s a bit late for that now, you see I have Spenders permission to do whatever I want to you.”

“So I was right and you’re working for him, that black lunged cancerous bastard.”

“I’ve always worked for him, you see sometimes we get little perks like this.”

“I believed and trusted you Alex.”

“Maybe that’s your own fault then.” 

Shit he then took great pleasure as he shoved another finger inside me, he also forced that in deep and stretched me even more.

“Please just let me go.”

“Where would the fun be if I did that?”

I knew it wouldn’t matter what I said now, he was determined to just make me suffer now. It was then I felt him remove his fingers from within me, now I was really starting to panic.

“Fingers just don’t do it do they, I think it’s time we moved on to the real thing don’t you?”

XXXXXXXXXX

I checked out all the bus timetables until I found one, it would be departing to D.C within the hour. I bought myself a coffee to keep myself awake, then I just sat and waited for the bus.

I had this urge to go and see Fox, I had to wonder if he did really hate me that much. I wanted to sort things out with him but it was impossible, however the only money I had now was in a joint account with Fox. I guess I’d also need to see what he’d done with all my stuff, after all it had been months now since I last saw him.

It took the coach just over an hour to reach its destination, I finally felt that my journey was close to an end now. Within an hour I’d be back in Alexandria and God now I was really nervous.

I’d taken enough beatings from Fox over the last few years, then everything had changed for the better until that trip that Russian gulag. Shit he’d wanted to kill me that day, maybe he still did for all I knew.

Finally the bus pulled in and for the first time I was having doubts, the bus would take me back to the place I used to call home. I was still tired and fell asleep on the bus, I was dreaming of the life I’d had with Fox. 

The dream had felt so real to me, yet I woke to find none of it was real and I felt even more depressed now. I knew I was left with no choice other than to face Fox and accept whatever he gave me.

The bus journey was rather boring with no one to talk to, I just put my head back and closed my eyes once more. I had no intention of going back to sleep, I just wanted to block out all my surroundings. 

It was also worrying me as to what the Englishman would want in return, I had no intentions whatsoever of going back to that lifestyle.  Shit it suddenly dawned on me that I’d need to find a job, I would have to find a way to get some sort of legal income. 

Not that I had a clue as to what I’d do, who would want to employ someone with only one arm to start with. Then I’d also need to think about what I was capable of doing, as at the moment I had no idea at all. Maybe I’d think of something given time, which I guess time was something I had plenty of now.

Firstly I’d need to find somewhere to shower and get a set of clean clothes, I’m sure I could talk Fox into lending me some if he’d thrown all mine away. I would also need to get a gun from somewhere, I wasn’t planning to get into any trouble but better safe than sorry.

Hell I didn’t want to bump into Spender or anyone from the consortium if I could help it, then there was also Skinner who would perhaps want me dead too now.

Shit I realized that I’d been miles away as I was now in Alexandria, great now I knew there was only a ten minute walk between me and Fox. Well I was quite happy to take a slow walk to Hegal place, I knew deep down that I was stalling but I couldn’t help it. Finally I reached the correct building and entered, I then decided to take the lift to the fourth floor.

I stood at the door for a few minutes afraid to knock, at worst he’d most probably beat the shit out of me. I finally plucked up the courage to knock on his apartment door, yet I received no answer. I decided to give it a couple of minutes and knock again, fine after receiving no answer yet again I picked the lock.

XXXXXXXXXX

The fever was getting worse now as I fell in and out of consciousness. At least that way I could block Alex out for some of the time, well until he pulled out of me and rammed back in hard, He showed me no mercy at all and was brutal as he abused me. 

I screamed as he forced himself in me once more, all I got in return was my face shoved into the pillow. Shit I couldn’t breathe as I burned up even more, I was starting to believe that death would be preferable to this.   
As he got close to orgasm he became even more violent, he grabbed me by the throat and started applying some pressure. 

It was as he came that it became even worse, he squeezed so hard I thought I was going to die. It was then that everything started to turn black and I thought my head would explode.

I opened my eyes and realized I must have blacked out, shit then it all came back to me. I remembered every last little detail of what happened, also just who it was that had done it to me.

The only good thing was that I’d woke alone this time, the other side of the bed along with the room were empty. I guess that Alex must have left now he’d used me, I curled up into a tight ball and wept.

In some ways I just wished Spender would put me out of my misery, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life been used like this. I was still curled in a tight ball when the Doctor returned, he came over to the bed and took my temperature once more.

“You still have a fever Agent Mulder, however Spender has made it very clear that I’m not to treat you.”   
“Yeah sounds like him, better this way as I can forget from time to time.”

“Just try and rest for now, I’ll pop back shortly to check on you again.”

“Where’s Alex?”

“Who’s Alex? There’s no one here by that name.”

“Why do you all have to lie to me, I know he’s here and I know what he did to me.”

“It’s most likely just your imagination Agent Mulder.”

“I know what happened….”

“Your fever spiked, you will imagine all sorts of things until you get over it.”

“Where’s Alex, just get him in here to see me face to face.”

“Agent Mulder I’m sorry that I can’t help you, but you must understand that I have my orders.”

“Can’t or won’t help me, you’re all a bunch of spineless bastards that do whatever Spender says. He says jump and you say how high, every single one of you is pathetic.”

“We do what we have to do, like I said I’ll be back shortly.”

“Don’t bother.”

“Well I’m sorry but Spender wants regular updates.”

“Go to hell, you all make me sick and repulse me.”

The Doctor left me but my new found peace couldn’t last, it wasn’t long before I had company yet again.

“Good evening Agent Mulder.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I managed the lock easy enough and entered the apartment, I soon realized that it was empty and I was here alone. I had no idea where Fox was or what he might be doing, I decided I might as well take a look around while I’m here.

I fed the fish out of habit, I then went into the bedroom to get changed into some clean clothes. I opened the drawers that used to be mine, every single one of them was now totally empty. 

I just sat down on the bed and started sobbing, has he really just wiped me from his life. It was just like I’d never existed and the pain was unbearable. I must have cried myself to sleep as it was now dark. I realized I’d been asleep for a few hours as the bed felt like home, yet there was still no sign of Fox.

I had to consider that Fox might be out of town on a case, well at least that meant I could risk taking a shower. It wasn’t too long before I started to feel clean again, I then grabbed a pair of clean boxers and got back into bed. I lay there hugging the pillows as all the memories came back, the last time I’d been here everything had been so different. I’d been here as Fox’s lover and partner, now I was back to been his enemy once more.

It felt like home at the moment, however I knew that would change should Fox come back home. Ha especially if I were here in his bed and wearing his clothes, I knew that he’d just resort to using me as a punching bag once more.

I was a sad bastard and would accept whatever Fox gave me, I just wanted to feel his hands upon me once more even if it was just hate. I got up and went to find something to eat, I realized that Fox was still his usual self when it came to grocery shopping.

I had to make do with some cereal, well it was that or mouldy bread. It was starting to get really late now, well it most certainly looked like Fox was away for the night. That was good as it gave me a place to sleep for tonight, maybe tomorrow I’d have to go and look for somewhere else.

I went back to bed and lay there, I was really tired and just wanted Fox here with me. Maybe tomorrow I’d also take a trip to the Hoover, I would see just what case Fox was working on. Well at least that way I might have a rough idea how long he’ll be gone, I was starting to feel really tired now and soon sleep overcame me.

I was back in that bed, the one in Rhode Island. I was fastened to the bed as Fox fucked me hard, all I’d wanted was to be able to come. Yet Fox refused to let me as he slammed into my ass repeatedly, then suddenly it all changed again.

I was in the same bed but this time I was alone, I had a collar fastened tight around my neck. Just one sudden move and I’d be in a coma, I tried so hard to wake up but couldn’t.

Then I was back in Russia, back in that fuckin gulag along with Fox. Shit I’d just left him there all alone and scared, fuck my brain couldn’t have been working right at all. I realized just how it would look to Fox, then suddenly my dream changed and all that was forgotten.

I was beside a campfire, it felt so good and warm as I fell asleep, then I’d suddenly heard a noise real close by. It was all too late as they grabbed me and pinned me down, it was then that I looked up to see one of them holding a red hot knife. It was at that point that I woke up screaming, shit I realized that it’d been the phone that had woke me.

XXXXXXXXXX

“What the hell do you want Spender?”

“I just wanted to see if you had a good time with Alex.”

“So you admit that he was here then?”

“Yes Agent Mulder he was here, he always worked for me even when you nearly destroyed him.”

“Yeah I knew I should never have trusted him, I didn’t think Alex would be good enough to work for you…”

“Why Agent Mulder, whatever makes you think that?”

“You know he suffered brain damage.”

“You don’t need a brain to be a thug or a rapist, you of all people should know that Agent Mulder.”

“What do you want from me Spender?”

“I just thought I’d give you the good news in person.”

“What news would that be?”

“We will be leaving here in twenty four hours, you Agent Mulder will be left here to die a slow painful death.”

“You’ll get what you deserve Spender, one day somehow believe me it will happen.”

“Big words from someone who’ll be dead within a few hours.”

“Yeah well it’s not like I have anything worth living for is it?”   
“No but it will be a slow painful death, you’ll die of dehydration and starvation.”

“What will be, will be.”

“Maybe we might leave you chained to the bed.”

“Well at least I’ll die in comfort then.”

“Actually I’ve just had a thought...”

“Good for you.”

“No it will be good for you Agent Mulder.”

Spender suddenly disappeared from the room, as for me nothing changed as usual. So he reckoned twenty four hours and I’d be here all alone, left to die a slow agonizing death. After Alex treat me the way he did I no longer wanted to live anymore, I guess the time had come to accept my death.

I only had two regrets, one that I never got to say goodbye to Alex, I also regretted the fact that I couldn’t take Spender with me. Talk of the devil, Spender soon returned along with two of his henchmen.

“It’s time to take you to your final destination Agent Mulder, maybe even a change of scenery too. Silly me, I almost forgot that you won’t be seeing the scenery.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“All in good time Agent Mulder, I have a very special goodbye gift for you. I also plan to have it delivered to you by a very special person.”

“Great I can’t wait.”

God I hated Spender more than anyone else, he could still manage to make my skin crawl.


	38. Chapter 38

I sat upright on the bed, it took me a few minutes to stop shaking and finally calm down. I just at first couldn’t accept it had been a dream, god it had just felt so real and like it was happening all over again. 

I really didn’t want to get out of bed as I had a busy day tomorrow, not that Skinner will give a shit about me and listen. I just decided to lay here until sleep claimed me once more, at least the rest of the night was to be nightmare free.

I got up the following morning and was still alone, not that I’d have remained asleep had Fox decided to come home. He most likely would have woke me up, then he would have beaten the crap out of me.

I took a quick shower to wake me up and then grabbed a coffee, I went and sat down on the couch until I fully woke up. I noticed that the light on the answering machine was flashing, well I guess I might as well be nosey while I’m here.

The first message had been Skinner asking Fox to get in touch, it appeared that he’d not heard anything in a while. The second was a message from the lone gunmen, apparently they had some information regarding the case he was on.

I went back into the kitchen and under the sink, I felt around until I found the gun taped to the waste pipe. The gun was fully loaded and would suit me fine until I got one, I was starting to have a really bad feeling about this.   
The next place to look was the desk draw, I knew from the past that Fox kept some spare money in there for emergencies. 

I knew I’d need some as I’d need a cab, there was no way that I planned on walking to the Hoover building. It was then that I noticed the joint bank account book, I was surprised that Fox hadn’t found a way to close it after all this time.

I didn’t want to become all emotional right now, I decided to just call a cab and do what I had to. Finally the cab arrived and I was on my way to see Skinner. I had no real idea what sort of reception I’d receive from him, however I had to know that Fox was alright.

It was early morning and the roads were busy, I knew that it would take a while to reach my destination. I just spent my time thinking, I thought about if we’d never gone to Russia and what might have been. 

I’d gone months now without even seeing Fox, all that time wasted that we could have been together. I might have even had two arms, yet I knew it was stupid to think that way as I was only hurting myself.

I just prayed that Fox got out of Russia whole, I knew it had been a stupid idea to go back there in the first place. I went to see my mother, shit I seriously thought I could turn up and everything would be okay. No I turned up to find she was dead, then I went on to lose Fox and also my arm.

I’d been so lost in thought that I hadn’t been paying any attention, I’d arrived at my destination and it was now time to expect the worst. I really didn’t want any violence, also Fox would never forgive me if I hurt anyone.   
I made my way to the basement to start with, I was surprised to find it empty and in darkness. 

I entered anyway and flicked on the light, I looked around and noticed that there were still files out on the desk. It had the details regarding his current case, great that would piss Fox off as he hated surveillance work. Maybe he was still out there working, I also had to wonder if maybe someone had seen him.

I read through the file to see whereabouts it was and what the case was, it was then that I realized just where the location was.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was led down some concrete stairs, it looked like an old wine cellar from what I could see. Fuck it was freezing down here, I was just hoping that he wasn’t planning on leaving me here.

I was led to the centre of the large room, I then noticed the large beams that ran along the ceiling. However it was the rope that hung from the beam that caught my attention the most, fuck now I was really starting to panic. 

The two large men grabbed me, they then pulled me over towards the rope and grabbed my hands. They proceeded to wrap the rope around my hands and then tied it secure, within seconds the rope started to burn my skin and there was no way I’d get free. 

One of the men held my nose and then forced something into my mouth, he then put his hand over so I couldn’t spit it out.I was well aware that they’d given me LSD but couldn’t stop them, I had no choice but to take the drug. 

Finally he moved his hand away, I had no idea how much they gave me but I was starting to see things already, maybe in some ways that would be a blessing. 

Everything went black, it was then that I realized they’d put a black hood over my head blinding me, I then felt them tie it around my neck and the rope pull tight. Shit one wrong move and I’d end up hanging myself, it was then that the image of Alex popped into my head.

Alex was hung from the bedpost by the leash I’d used on him, maybe this was his way of getting revenge. The tears ran down my face as I remained alone, it was so dark and I was starting to see lots of things.

I was getting chased down the street by a giant syringe, it wanted to catch me so it could inject me with lots of drugs. I tried screaming but no sound would come out, it then changed and now it was Alex that chased me.

He finally caught up with me, I cried out as he grabbed me and started punching me. Alex then stood over me as he laughed at what I’d become, suddenly he was everywhere and there was no escape. There were hundreds of Alex now, every single one of them wanted to abuse and hurt me as I sobbed. 

I cried out and begged for forgiveness as he just laughed even more.   
I hung my head down in defeat as I knew I couldn’t take much more. It was at that moment that I heard Spenders voice, I wasn’t even sure if it was real or just a figment of my imagination.

“Dear Fox you seem very obsessed with Alex Krycek maybe that was a big mistake on your part.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Fox Alex has come to say goodbye to you.”

“I don’t want him near me.”

“We only have a matter of hours now before we leave here, I thought you could spend that time together with Alex.”

It was then that I truly knew what pain was.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great it was one of the labs that Spender owned, I knew that he wouldn’t have taken it well if he were to find Fox there. However Fox was the type who wouldn’t just sit there and wait as he hated surveillance work. 

He was the type that would just rush in no matter what, yeah I remembered back to the day he found me in his apartment. Skinner had just suspended him for two weeks, yeah because he’d rushed in and put his own life at risk. Well that was what made him the man he was, he hated sitting around when he could be doing something.

If Fox had seen too much Spender wouldn’t let him go, I knew how he worked and that he sick and twisted. I took the steps two at a time, finally I made it to the fourth floor. I found Skinners door shut but his secretary was sat at her desk.

“Can I help you Sir?”

“I need to see Assistant Director Skinner right now.”

“Would you like to make an appointment Sir?”

“No I need to see him right now.”

“I’m sorry Sir but he’s really busy today.”

“Look I’m not going until I get to see him.”

I watched as she picked up the phone, shit I thought she was phoning the security to have me removed. I listened as she asked Skinner if he could spare a few minutes, she then covered the mouthpiece and then spoke to me.

“Can I please have your name Sir?”

“Just tell him it’s Alex Krycek.”

The secretary spoke and told him my name, she then put the phone back down.

“Assistant Director Skinner said that you can go in straight away.”

“Thanks.”

  
Well I guess this was where the fun would all begin, I walked through into his office and closed the door behind me. Shit I’d only just closed it when a hand grabbed me, shit I was then punched full on in the stomach.

“Well look who it is…”

“Skinner I need to talk to you.”

“What could you possibly have to say that I’d want to hear?”

“It’s regarding Fox, I need to see him and find out if he’s okay.”#

“What after you abandoned him in Russia?”

“I wasn’t abandoning him there, shit I was trying to get him out too.”

“You’ve changed a lot since I saw you in the hospital, yet you still spout the same crap Krycek.”

“Look I don’t personally care what you think about me Skinner, but I’ve just come from Fox’s apartment. You sent him out on surveillance, I need to know if he’s contacted you?”

“Agent Mulder’s been on surveillance for a few days ago, I just presumed he got bored and went off chasing aliens. I’d already complained to him about not reporting in but Agent Mulder won’t change.”

“No he won’t, I just wanted to know if you knew who owned that building.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I screamed in agony as the whip came down on me, shit did Alex now really hate me that much. I must have been whipped over and over, each one becoming more painful than the previous ones. I knew that my back must be raw and split open by now, also I’d screamed until my throat was in agony too.

I just hung there and accepted what was to be my fate, this was it as my life was now worth nothing. Everyone who’d ever meant something to me had left, I’d known for a while that even Scully wanted to leave the X Files. I then got a sudden strong smell of smoke and Knew Spender was still here too.

“Well the time has now come Fox, we will be leaving here now and you will be remaining here.”

“Go to hell Spender.”

Shit that had really hurt to speak, but I couldn’t help myself as I despised the man so much.

“Well this is going to be your hell Fox, I assure you that no one will find you here.”

I couldn’t even bother giving him an answer, I was now past caring about anything anymore. I heard them all leave, all I was left with was an eerie silence. 

I knew that he’d been right and that no one would find me down here. Yet here I was with my hands tied to a rope, then I was hung from the beam on the ceiling. There was no way that I’d get out of this mess alive, I think I’d well overstepped the mark this time.

I just wished that I could speed up what was now to be the inevitable, it would save me a lot of pain. I’d never felt so alone in my life, did I really deserve to die like this. My mind went back to everything I’d ever had and lost, parents that never really even cared about me at all. 

A sister that had disappeared so many years ago, a sister who was now just becoming a vague memory. Then there was Scully, the women who’d always been there for me no matter what. 

Then there had been the one person I’d loved more than anyone else, yet he’d betrayed me right up to the very end, sold me out to save himself.

The heat on my back was slowly wearing off now, however it now meant I felt the freezing temperatures even more. I started shivering and knew it’d be like this right up to my death. 

I’d been in so many predicaments over the years, yet I suppose there had always been someone there to bail me out. Scully had put up with so much, along with Skinner and even Alex.

I started to wonder what death would be like, now I was faced with it I was too scared to let go. I had to wonder if maybe I’d get to see Sam again, or if there were no such thing as an afterlife for anyone. 

Would both of my parents be there, if so would my father now hate me more for bedding his killer. Yeah it wouldn’t matter to him that he’d been planning to kill me. 

It was then that I heard a noise and faint voices in the background, maybe Spender had come back to just finish it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great finally Skinner realized that I was serious, especially when I explained to him that the building belonged to the consortium.

“So what now?”

“Look Skinner we’ll have to take your car, just make sure you have a gun and it’s loaded.”

“What about you?”

“I have Fox’s spare gun so I’ll be okay, come on let’s just get moving before it’s too late.”   
  


We drove to the address where Fox was last known to have been, there outside the building was his car and that was a bad sign.

Skinner kept watch while I forced the car door open, it appeared that the car was totally empty so I should check the trunk. I popped it open and went to look, I was just so scared of opening it and finding his body in there.

I finally plucked up courage and opened it and was pleased Fox wasn’t in there, however I’d not expected to see what he did keep in there. Shit I broke down and started sobbing, I was totally taken aback when Skinner came and put his arm around me.

“What is it Alex, hell are you okay?”

“It’s all my stuff.”

“I don’t understand.”

“None of my stuff was at his apartment, I guess that I’d just thought he’d binned it all.”

“Well you’re going to have to pull yourself together, I need you now more than ever Alex.”

“Yeah just give me a minute and I’ll be with you.”

“Yeah okay.”

I wiped my eyes and focused on what had to be done, I knew that I had to go in no matter what I might find. Fox could already be dead for all I knew, or he might be in there dying. 

There was always a chance that he might not even be here at all, now I’d have to work with the man who’d wanted me dead so many times.

“Look Skinner I’m going to be honest with you, all I ask is that you do the same.”

“Very well, what is it Alex?”

“While we’re in here I’ll have your back like we were partners, I just want to know that it works both ways.”

“Alex I know we’ve had our differences, I also know what you did to save Mulder in the past. I guarantee here and now that I will have your back just as I would anyone else.”

“Thanks it means a lot, come on then we’d better go and take a look.”

Most of the building was now empty, but that had always been Spenders way in the past. We went into one room that just had a bed, I couldn’t help but notice the smell of sex in the room. It turned my stomach at the thought it might have been Fox, especially if he’d been an unwilling recipient.

“Hey Alex are you still with me?”

“Yeah sorry. I guess I was miles away.”

“Have you got any ideas at all Alex?”

“Yeah the basement.”

We went down the stairs and it was freezing down here, however I froze when I saw the sight that was in front of me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I heard the voices, yet I was far too gone to even recognize them.

“Get him cut down.”

Suddenly I started sobbing as I realized it was Skinner who was here, then the pressure went from my throat as I was laid on the floor and someone else was trying to comfort me.

As he talked he cut the rope from around my neck, he then removed the hood that was keeping me here in the dark. It was hard to focus at first and I blinked a lot, however once I could see I started screaming.

“You did this to me Alex, you raped me and then whipped me.”

“Jesus Fox I’d never do that to you.”

“It was you Alex, I know it was so stop lying to me.”

“Fox please listen to me.”

“Get off me now.”

Alex backed away from me and Skinner came to check what was wrong.

“We’ve got an ambulance on the way Mulder, come on you’ll be safe soon enough.”

“Get rid of him and then I’ll be okay.”

“Alex can you just wait outside for a minute…”

Alex never even questioned Skinner as he turned and left.   
“Jesus Mulder, what the hell did they do to you?”

“I’ll be okay, it just looks worse than it is that’s all.”

“Mulder you’ve been through a lot, we need to get you to the hospital.”

“I’m fine.”

It was then that the paramedics came down the stairs, one of them knelt down in front of me.

“We’re going to get you upstairs and into the ambulance, are you able to move at all?”

“Yeah if you can help me get up.”

The paramedic helped me to my feet, Skinner then wrapped a blanket around my freezing body. I was then led upstairs and outside, away from the place that I’d thought would become my tomb.

They opened the ambulance and helped me inside, it was then that I broke down as I realized how close I’d come. I was so pleased to be free of that place that was when I noticed Alex was getting into the ambulance too.

“Get him out of here, he’s not coming anywhere near me as he did this.”

The paramedic went and had a word with Alex, then Skinner got in and came and sat beside me.

“Do you want me to come with you Mulder?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind Sir, I just don’t want to be alone at the moment.”

“I’m here for you so don’t worry.”

I was pleased that Skinner was willing to come with me, a full grown man yet suddenly I was petrified to be alone. I tried to relax as I knew I was safe now, well as long as Skinner could keep Alex away from me.


	39. Chapter 39

I was totally shocked when I’d seen the state of Fox, I knew if we hadn’t have found him he’d have died there. He was just such a mess and his back was all cut up. Shit worse was that I knew he’d also been sexually abused as I could smell it on him

What had hurt the most was the rejection, I just wanted to comfort him and he was blaming everything on me. It was like he truly believed that I’d beat him and raped him, I just felt so sick inside. Shit and then he’d even refused to let me get in the ambulance, at least Skinner had given me his car keys and told me to follow.

I’d been quite surprised by how understanding Skinner had been, it was like he really understood just what I was going through. I followed the ambulance to the nearest hospital, I then sat there and waited until they took Fox inside. I was so scared that the sight of me might make him worse, I just locked the car and kept my distance

They took Fox to the casualty department, someone then led him into a small room. I was left to just sit in the waiting room alone and hoping that someone would let me know how he was.

I really didn’t want to be here as it reminded me of my own past, the time that I’d also had to spend in a hospital bed. I couldn’t control any of my emotions at the moment, it was just so frustrating and everything was making me pissed off. 

Eventually Skinner came out of the room and sat down beside me, I noticed that he looked rather grim as he started talking to me.

“Alex.”

“How is he, will he see me yet?”

“Alex I’m sorry but he still blames you, I’ll have a talk with him tomorrow as he’s been sedated now.”

“Would I be able to go and see him then?”

“Yeah okay, he’s fast asleep and won’t wake up tonight.”

I got up and slipped into the small side room, my heart broke at the sight of Fox just lying there.

“God Fox I love you so much, I just don’t understand why you hate me with a passion. What did I do to deserve this, I just want you back like you were before. I swear to God I’ll kill Spender for this, all I ask is that you get better. If you still want me to go when your better just tell me, I promise that I’ll go and leave you alone.”

I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, everything just hurt so much at the moment. I wiped my eyes the best I could before leaving the room, I didn’t want Skinner to see that I’d been crying. I found him still sat in the waiting room, he stood up as soon as he saw me coming.#

“Alex do you want a lift somewhere?”

“You can drop me off at Hegal place, I still have some stuff at the apartment.”

“You’re not going to disappear are you Alex?”

“I’ll come and see you tomorrow, I just need some time alone at the moment.”

“Very well come on then.”

Skinner gave me a lift to the apartment, I went inside and called a cab, while I waited I got the spare car keys out of the draw. I arranged for the cab to take me to where Fox’s car was parked, I then drove back to Alexandria. It was hard driving with the false arm, yet I still managed to call at a liquor store on the way back.

It felt strange been here now when I knew where Fox was, I sat on the couch and opened the bottle of strong vodka.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke the next morning and realized where I was, my body was so stiff and all I wanted to do was go home. Maybe I could ask the Doctor when he arrived, well it was either that or I’d just discharge myself. Finally the Doctor arrived, he grabbed my chart from the bed and started reading it.

“Good day Mr Mulder and how are you feeling today?”

“A bit sore, I just want to know when I can go home.”

“You will need to be here another day or so.”

“I have the right to discharge myself don’t I?”

“I can’t stop you, I wouldn’t advise you to be alone though for some time.”

Myself and the Doctor both turned as we heard a voice.

“He won’t be alone.”

“Who are you Sir?”

“I’m Assistant Director Walter Skinner of the F.B.I, I’m also his boss and friend.”

“It’s good to meet you.”

“So is he well enough to leave?”

“Yes but he shouldn’t be alone, at least until he receives some sort of help.”

“Well he can stay with me then, I’ll keep him safe until you can arrange that for him.”

“Very well, I’ll just go and get the paperwork.”

Skinner came over and sat in the chair, great now I was expecting a lecture from him.

“Do you think it’s a good idea leaving here Mulder, especially in your current condition?”

“I’ll be fine Sir, oh and thanks for having me.”

“It’s not a problem, I’ll need you to get well so you can return to work.”

“Where’s Scully?”

“She said that she’d see you later on, I’ll have to tell her to come to my apartment.”

“Yeah okay, what about Alex, do you know where he is now?”

“I haven’t seen him today, why do you want to see him?”

“No, I just wondered where he was that’s all.”

“I last saw him when I left him at your apartment.”

“Why there?”

“He said he had some stuff there that was his.”

“Well I need to call at home first, I just want to collect some clothes and other bits and pieces.”

“Very well, we can call there first if that’s what you want?” 

“Yeah okay, shit I haven’t even got any clothes to go home in.”

“Fine I’ll pop over to yours Mulder and get you some.”

”Thanks Sir.”

“Shit if Alex has gone how will I get in?”

“I lost everything when they stripped me, just pick the lock if you have to Sir.”

“Yeah okay. I’ll be back soon Mulder.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I wanted to just sit here and forget everything, I went ages without Fox to finally find out he despises me. I felt so lost and couldn’t understand just what I’d done to him, it was then that I heard the apartment door open.

“Fox?”

“No Alex it’s me Skinner, how come you’re still here and haven’t disappeared yet?”

“I thought I’d be okay here for tonight, it’s not like Fox is here yet.”

“Fox is just about to discharge himself, he’ll be calling here shortly to collect some clothes to take with him.”

“Clothes to take where?”

“Fox will be staying with me for a while.”

“The two of you planning to play house then, especially as Fox is now free and single again.”

I stood and went to lunge at Skinner, I must be a fuckin idiot as I was drunk and he was stronger than me. I soon found myself in a headlock as he spoke in my ear.

“Alex grow up and be gone before I come back with Fox.”

“Whatever.”

“You don’t want to push me Alex.”

Skinner shoved me back down on the couch and went into the bedroom, it wasn’t long before he returned with a few things for Fox. 

He never even spoke to me as he walked out of the apartment, I just grabbed the half empty bottle of vodka. If Fox wanted to kill me so be it as I was past caring, I also had no intention of going anywhere despite Skinner's warning.

I carried on drinking until I passed out and that was when the bottle was empty, I guess I had no reason to stay awake any longer.  I woke sometime later to the hard slap across my face, it was then that I looked up to see Fox.

“Hey Fox you.ve come back home lover.”

“Alex get the fuck out of my apartment right now.”

“What’s the matter Fox? Am I not good enough anymore now you have Skinner.”

Fuck he still had enough strength to wind me as he punched me in the stomach, Jesus I wanted to throw up real bad.

“Why do you fuckin hate me so much?”

“Jesus you really have to fuckin ask Alex.”

“Yeah maybe I do.”

“Fuck you, you just fuckin raped and beat me.”

“Fuck, how dare you call me a fuckin rapist, take a look in the fuckin mirror?”

“You lousy fucker just get out.”

I knew this argument was getting way out of hand, however I hadn’t expected Fox to kick me like that.

“I’m getting some stuff and leaving, I’ll be back in a couple of days and want you out of my life.”

“Fine don’t worry about it Fox, I promise you now that I’ll be out of your life for good this time.”

“Make sure you are, personally I don’t care if I never see you again.”

With that Fox went into the bedroom and started banging around, he then just walked out without even looking at me. I felt so desolate but refused to give in and cry, so I had a couple of days did I. I wouldn’t even need that long to do what I planned, I wasn’t lying when I said I’d be out of his life for good.

I moved into the bedroom and lay down as I felt sick, yet the pain in my heart was the worst pain I’d ever felt.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that Alex had just made himself at home like that, talk about laugh in my face after what he did. Yet he seemed to be having a hard time accepting what he’d done to me, he must have totally lost the plot or thought that I was stupid. 

I’d have to get Skinner to check back in a couple of days, there was no way I would be returning while he was there.

  
“Agent Mulder are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes Sir, I just want to get out of here.”

“You look worse since you went in there.”

  
“Alex was there and I just want to forget about him and that he even exists.”“Yeah I told him to go when I was here, come on let’s just go to my place and get you sorted out.”

Skinner gave me his spare bedroom and said I could stay as long as I wanted, I guess I didn’t want to go home yet or be by myself at the moment.

Skinner cooked steak for dinner, he also made sure that I ate every single bit of it.

“How are you holding up now Agent Mulder?”

“I’m fine Sir but can you just call me Mulder.”

“Fine only if you call me Walter when we're not at work.”

“Yeah okay you have a deal Walter.”

“Good, do you want me to invite Scully over, it’s just I know that she was really worried about you.”

“Yeah might as well get this over with.”

Skinner went and gave Scully a quick call, he then grabbed a bottle on his way back.

“Right Scully said she’ll be over in twenty minutes, then I thought we’d have a drink if you fancy one?”

“Yeah why not.”

Scully arrived and we had a really pleasant evening together, I knew that Walter had warned Scully not to mention Alex at all. However there was something that I wanted to know while she was here.

“Scully are you going to leave the X files then?”

“Yeah I’m sorry Mulder, it’s something that I’ve put a great deal of thought into.”

“Fair enough Scully and I’m pleased for you, you deserve to move on and have a good life.”

“So do you Mulder.”

“Hey maybe Walter here will give me a gorgeous new partner, so what do you say Walter?”

“I’d say not to mix work with your personal life Mulder.”

“I take it that it’s a no then.”

Great suddenly out of nowhere I felt really depressed, shit I’d once had a gorgeous partner that I’d fell in love with and look what happened. 

“Hey Mulder are you okay?”

“Yeah Scully I’m fine and was just thinking that’s all. Walter will you do me a favour tomorrow?”

“I will if it’s something I can do Mulder.”

“Will you go and check that my apartments empty, if Alex is still there you can just arrest him for trespassing.”

I knew that I’d only move on if I took control, to do that I’d need to go back home.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d managed to grab some sleep, yet I still woke up in a really pissed off mood. I grabbed my jacket and took a walk back to the nearest liquor store, nothing seemed to help my mood no matter what, and I decided to buy a large bottle as I wouldn’t be coming back for another.

I took a leisurely walk back to Hegal place as there was no reason to rush anymore, well apart from getting drunk anyway. So Fox wanted me out of his apartment and out of his life? Yeah now that I wasn’t good enough for him anymore, well I’d show him.

I started drinking the vodka as soon as I got back, I no longer gave a shit about life or anything else anymore. I drank nearly the whole bottle without stopping, yet all it did was make the depression even worse. I’d tried to track Spender down but he’d well and truly gone. 

I was just a useless waste of fuckin space, I guess that it’d also become noticeable to everyone else too. I knocked back what little vodka was left, shit my head swam now and I’d had enough of it all.

I never even thought about it as I smashed the vodka bottle on the coffee table, without any thought at all I put the glass straight across my wrist. I just sat there mesmerized as I watched the blood drip onto the floor, I remained that way until everything became black.

I could feel someone slapping my face gently, not that I had the energy to stop them if they did it harder.

“Alex come on stay with me, hey come on it's Walter Skinner.”

“Hey Walt what’s up?”

“The ambulance is on the way Alex, all you have to do is remain calm and hang in there.”

“What the fuck do I want an ambulance for?”

My head swam and I wanted to throw up, then to top it off I couldn’t feel my arm as it was numb.

“Fuck my arm, Walt where’s my arm gone I can’t even feel it?”

“Alex calm down, it only feels numb because I’ve put a tourniquet on it.”

“Why would you want to do something like that?”

“Alex can you please just stop talking as the ambulance is here now.”

I saw a man kneel down in front of me and look at my arm.

“Do you know what your name is?”

“Alex why what’s it to you?”

“Alex we’re going to take you to the hospital, do you know what you’ve done to yourself?”

“Yeah but it didn’t fuckin work did it….”

I felt a sharp prick and then darkness finally came, yet next time I opened my eyes I was in a hospital bed with Skinner watching me.

“Walter why are you here?”

“To make sure you’re okay, also to see that you don’t try something as stupid as that again.”

“Yeah well I’m okay so you can go.”

“Alex why did you do it?”

“Why does it matter? It never worked and I’m still stuck here.”

“Alex talk to me.”

“Because Fox hates me, there now you know so you can go and have a good laugh.”

“I’m not laughing at you, it’s just Fox doesn’t trust you since you abandoned him in Russia.”

“Is that what he thinks?”

Great I guess I’d fucked up everything yet again.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had a really bad headache this morning, maybe wine had not been the best thing to drink last night. Walter had gone to exterminate an unwelcome rat from my apartment, later today I’d be going back home and just wanted it to be rat free.

A couple of hours had passed since Walter had left, I’d honestly thought he’d have been back before now. I decided that I might as well just grab a quick shower and clean up, I had to admit that the warm water felt so good on my sore body. 

Shit then my mind turned to thoughts of Alex, his smile and those gorgeous green eyes. It was then that the tears came, I couldn’t have stopped them if my life depended on it.

We’d gone through so much together, I’d even tried telling myself that he’d only betrayed me because of his brain injury. It was the time to accept the truth, Alex had betrayed me simply because of who he was.

I got out of the shower and looked into the mirror, I could see all the cuts that were upon my back and it repulsed me so much. I quickly left the bathroom and went to get dressed.

It was some time later that Walter finally came home, I noticed the blood that was on his shirt straight away. Shit now I felt really awful, I was the one who’d sent him to get rid of Alex for me. I wouldn’t be happy at all if it was Alex who’d done this to him, shit it would all be my fault.

“Walter are you alright, please tell me that Alex didn’t hit you?”

“Fox just sit down.”

“Why what’s up Walter?”

“Fox it’s not my blood, it’s from Alex.”

“Hey I’ll understand if you ended up hitting him.”

“Fox I went like you asked to see if Alex had gone.”

“Yeah well I’m guessing that he was still there, I hope you had him arrested for trespassing.”

“Fox can you just listen to me, the blood wasn’t because I hit him. Alex had consumed a large amount of vodka he smashed the bottle and cut his wrist open.”

“Shit is he still alive Walter?”

“He was taken to the hospital Fox and yeah I think he’ll be okay, it would have been worse had I turned up later on.”

“Which hospital is he in?”

“You still love him don’t you Mulder?”

“I never stopped loving him that was why it hurt me so much to be betrayed.”

“I’ll take you to the hospital if you want?”#

“Yeah I need to know why he betrayed me in Russia, then there’s the question of why he raped me and whipped me.”

“Fox all the wounds on your back were fresh and still bleeding, someone had only just done them an hour or so before I arrived.”

“Yeah it was only a bit before, I just don’t see why that matters now…..”

“Because Alex can’t have done it Fox.”

“Why? I knew it was him because Spender told me.”

“Maybe it was just to mess with your head, you know that Spender got a kick out of lying to you. Alex had gone to your apartment and got your gun before coming to see me, you see it couldn’t possibly have been him as he was with me.”

Shit now I had to question if what Walter said was true, but that still left the events of Russia and how Alex betrayed me.   
  



	40. Chapter 40

I woke up to find I was now alone so Skinner must have left while I was asleep, at least I didn’t have to keep answering his annoying questions. I remembered what he’d said and how Fox blamed me for Russia. I looked at my wrist that was all bandaged up, shit I couldn’t even fuckin kill myself and do it right.

I knew that I had to get out of this hospital, I guess I hadn’t a clue as to where I’d even go. I’d been to Rhode Island in the past along with Skinner's cabin, I was running out of ideas but felt so trapped here. I thought and realized there was only one place that I could go now, the Englishman had said that he might have something for me to do.

I waited until it was quiet on the ward, it was then that I reattached my arm and got dressed. It wasn’t easy with the fake arm and the other bandaged up, I guess that’s how determined I was to get out of here. My clothes were really dirty and I didn’t even have a jacket, I’d left that in Fox’s apartment when they brought me here.

Well it looked like I would freeze then, I noticed that the money from my jeans was in the draw. Now all I had to do was hope it would be enough for a cab, if not I’d have a long walk ahead of me.

I waited until there was no one at the desk before attempting to leave, I made a break for it the minute the opportunity arose. I knew if I stayed they would want me to see a physiatrist and that was something I had no intention of participating in.

I was right and it was freezing out here, I finally managed to locate a cab and gave the driver my destination. It wasn’t long until the hospital was a blur in the rear view mirror, at least I was finally away from there.

When I arrived I got out of the cab and realized the time, shit it was late and I might not be welcome here. I even had thought about turning around, yet I knew I’d be stupid as there was nowhere left for me to go. I just went ahead and knocked on the door, it wasn’t long before the Englishman himself came to the door.

“What a surprise Alex, I somehow thought I’d never see you again.”

“You said that you might have some jobs for me, it’s just I need some money to get away from here.”

“Come in Alex, you can shower and change and then we’ll talk.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for this.”

“You will find a robe in the bathroom, I’ll arrange to have your clothes cleaned for you.”

“Yeah okay, I can’t guarantee that they’ll even come clean.”

“It doesn’t matter right now just go and get yourself cleaned up. You will then find me in the study, just don’t be too long Alex.”

“Yeah okay I won’t be.”

I went upstairs and into the massive bathroom, I ran a bath as I wanted to soak in the warm water. It felt like heaven as I lay there, however I could barely wash myself without getting the bandage wet also I’d have to move soon.

I dried myself and found the robe hung up on the door, I then checked my appearance in the full length mirror. Well I guess that was as clean as I’d come, now it was time to see what the Englishman had to say.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
We arrived at the hospital and soon found the correct floor, Walter then led me to Alex’s room. We walked into the room to find that it was empty, Walter went in search of a nurse to ask where Alex was. I just sat down on the chair and waited for Walter to return, not that I had to wait too long.

“Well Walter where is he?”

“He’s gone Mulder and nobody here even knew, they did their rounds and that was when they found the room empty.”

“That sounds like Alex, shit I know you said it wasn’t him who abused me. Oh I don’t know, maybe I’d thought I might finally get some answers about Russia.”

“Mulder I asked him why he did it, you know why he cut his wrist.”

“What did he say?”

“Apparently he wanted to die because you no longer wanted him, he couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong.”

“How could he not understand? He was the one who left me there.”

“Fox I know you still love him and I wondered if you knew about his arm?”

“Why what’s wrong with it?”

“I hadn’t even noticed before I went to your apartment and found him there.He was sat there with the blood dripping from his wrist onto the carpet.”

“Walter you can spare me the details, you already told me that he cut his wrists.”

“That’s just it Mulder, he cut his wrist not wrists. I’d wondered at the time why blood was only dripping from one, just normally people tend to cut both.”

“Walter maybe he passed out before he did the second one.”

“Mulder I’m trying to tell you why he didn’t do both, Alex only has one arm and the other one was plastic.”

Shit suddenly I felt really sick at the thought of what had happened back in Russia, I also realized that I might never know.

“Mulder.

“Yeah.”

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“Was it his left arm?”

“Yeah how did you know?”

“The trip to Russia, they removed their left arms to save themselves from the tests.”

“So you think that’s what happened to Alex?”

“Yeah it looks that way.”

“Sounds like far more went on in Russia than you know about.”   
  


“Yeah and I doubt I’ll ever find out now.”   
  


“Alex will resurface, that or we’ll find him somewhere out there Mulder.”   
  


“Yeah I guess so, I just have no idea where to start looking.”   
  


“I guess it will be hard for him now, what with only one arm and that’s injured.”   
  


“Yeah I need to find out what happened to him as I at least owe him that, he got a brain injury because of me jumping to conclusions.”

  
XXXXXXXXXX

“So Alex why are you really here?”

“I told you, I need to earn some money to get away.”

“After Russia I thought I’d never see you again, I figured that you would just go back to Fox Mulder?”

“Yeah long story, he blamed me for Russia and wants nothing to do with me now.”

“Is that the reason why you have your wrist bandaged, because Fox Mulder no longer wants you Alex?”

“Something like that, was you aware of what Spender did to Fox?”   
  


“I heard something through the grapevine, however personally I had no part in what was done to Agent Mulder.”

“Well Spender had him whipped and raped, Fox somehow believes it was me that did it to him.”

“I’m sorry Alex, however no I wasn’t aware that Spender had gone that far.”

“Yeah tell me about it.”

“Right you may stay here for a few days, then I might have a job that you can  do."

“Thanks at the moment I don’t care what the job is.”

“How are you in general Alex, obviously I know about the coma and how you suffered.”

“Yeah well I got over it, I have the odd times when I get confused but that’s about it.”

“Did they give you any medication? Remember I expect honesty Alex.”

“They gave me some antidepressants, it was to help control the mood swings.”

“Are you still taking the medication?”

“No I haven’t taken any for months now.”

“How come?”

“I used up all the ones I had, also I wasn’t in a good position or country to get any more.”

“Do you maybe think that could be the reason why you cut your wrist?”

“Maybe, I just don’t know anymore.”

“Would you be willing to see a private Doctor Alex?”

“What for?”

“Alex to work for me you need to be very clear headed, I think it would benefit you to speak with someone?”

“Fine if it’s the only way you’ll let me work for you?”

“I’m glad that you agree, I will arrange it for first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you.”

“Right go to bed and get yourself some sleep.”

“Yeah okay.”

It felt strange at first, it was a strange bed and a strange house. I lay there wondering what to expect in return for all of this, maybe I’d see the Doctor and he’d realize I am totally useless. I had to wonder if maybe I’d been worrying too much, yet I couldn’t get the look of hate out of my head. 

Fox had hated me when he told me he wanted me out of his apartment, hell out of his life too. Well he’d got what he wanted, as for me I’d need to stay away from Fox for my own sanity...

XXXXXXXXXX

“I need to go back to work Walter.”

“Are you sure that’s wise Mulder at the moment?”

“I need to work or I’ll go mad.”

“Fine you can officially start back in the morning.”

“Good, I also need to go back home.”

“Mulder you’re more than welcome to stay here for now.”

“I know and I’m grateful, it’s just this is something that I have to do.”

“Fine.”

“I was just wondering if there would be any chance of a lift home.”

“Yeah come on then I’ll take you now.”

I felt so pissed off with everything right now, shit where the hell would I even start looking for Alex. I remained quiet on the journey home, shit I knew it’d feel strange after Alex had been there for so long. 

Great the minute I walked in I noticed the carpet, shit the blood was still there right near the couch. Alex had sat right there in that spot and waited for it to happen, he‘d wanted to die rather than remain here alone.

I’d jumped to conclusions and accused him of killing my father for no reason, I then went on to rape and abuse him. I also caused him to become addicted to ketamine, shit and that had resulted in his near death. For all it’s worth he ended up in a coma because of me, all because I jumped to conclusions.

Yet now I jump to conclusions yet again, the result was him cutting his wrist and nearly dying again because of me. I realized that I was a complete bastard, why the fuck would he want to even love someone like me? I wasn’t worthy of his love or affection yet that was what he wanted from me.

Skinner was right that I loved Alex, I’d fallen for all the lies Spender had fed me while I was drugged. Shit in reality he’d been the one to save me from death, if he’d never gone to see Skinner that day I would have died alone in the cold.

It must have taken some guts on his part to go see Skinner, Alex had always feared the wrath of the man and with reason.

I was a total fuckin idiot, Alex had been willing to face Skinner because he was in love with me. I went under the sink and got some carpet cleaner out. I started scrubbing, yet no matter how hard I did it the stain remained. 

I couldn’t take any more of this, my life was just one big fuckin mess Maybe the stain would remain there as a constant reminder, his blood was on my hands.

Alex was gorgeous and I’d come so close to destroying him, maybe I deserved a life on my own now. Shit now I was even wondering if I should bother returning to work, the last thing I wanted was to have a breakdown in front of everyone.

I decided to spray the carpet again and leave it to soak, I went into the bathroom and could even smell Alex in here. Fuck I wanted to get away from all the reminders of what I’d lost because of my own stupidity, I had to get away from this apartment.

I phoned Skinner as he’d be back home by now, I had to talk to him right now. At least he answered the phone within seconds, he also seemed genuinely concerned about my welfare. 

I informed him that I was taking a few more days off work, it turned out that I wasn’t ready to go back to work after all. I grabbed a bag and shoved some clothes in it, I had no plans to stay here for the foreseeable future.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up feeling rather disoriented, I guess that’s what happened sometimes when you woke in a strange bed. I got out of bed to find a full set of new clothes on the chair all in my size, I don’t know if I was pleased or rather worried by the fact.

I showered and dressed, once I was cleaned up I joined the Englishman for breakfast.

“Good morning Alex, I hope you slept well?”

“Yeah fine and thanks for the clothes.”

“Your welcome, I want you to be ready to leave here within half an hour.”

“Yeah okay, so where are we going?”

“I want you to see a specialist Alex, believe me it’s for your benefit too.”

“Yeah okay then.”

I did as I was asked and got ready to leave, I hadn’t realized the Englishman was coming with me. I felt really nervous and intimidated by his presence, after all I was a grown man and could talk to someone myself. 

I was just made to take a seat in the waiting area, the Englishman did all the talking with the doctor. All I could do was sit and wait for him to return, I also had to remember who he was after all.

“Alex I’ve discussed everything with the Doctor, he believes that he can assess you far better as an inpatient.”

“No I’m not staying, you never mentioned that at all.”

“It will only be for a couple of days at the most.”

“Two fuckin days, shit are you taking the piss.”

“Alex please calm down.”

“Like fuck will I calm down, you can’t make me stay here anyway.”

“Alex I think you misunderstand me.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Who do you think the Doctors work for Alex?”

“No, shit just let me go.”

“I’m sorry Alex but this is for your own good.”

“Fuck off and get away from me.”

“Alex I’ve gone out of my way to try and protect you, I really need you to calm down for your own sake.”

“You’re telling me the Doctors here work for the consortium, yet you expect me to willingly stay here?”

“Alex you will be fine and no one will hurt you.”

“Yeah right.”

“I will come back in two days, then I promise that you’ll be able to leave here.”

“Please don’t make me stay….”

“I’m sorry.”

“You bastards, I fuckin hate you all.”

I noticed the Doctor come towards me, he then gave me two choices. I willingly go to the room, or they take me by force and sedate me.

“Great so I don’t really have a choice do I.”

“Very good Alex.”

I swear that I’d made a big mistake trusting the Englishman, every last one of them were as bad as each other.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone straight to the airport and got a plane to Rhode Island, once there I got a cab to the summer house. I unlocked it and went inside, it was exactly as I left it when I went back to D.C with Alex. 

Great that wasn’t the best line of thought at the moment, I went through some of the rooms and opened all the windows. It was cool outside now and the fresh air felt real good.

I knew it had stood empty for over a year now, maybe it was a good time to think about selling the place. I could get it valued and put it on the market, it was mainly just the fact I couldn’t be bothered. 

Shit I looked around at all the stuff that was here, I’d have to either sell it or pack it up and do God knows what with it.

I even considered selling it fully furnished, but I also knew there was a lot of personal stuff here too. The basement was full of memories from over the years, some of it went back to a time before I was even born. Maybe one day I’d get around to it, however that wasn’t right now.

I went round pulling off all the sheeting, I was planning to stay here for at least a week and would need it to feel somewhat lived in. 

I’d avoided the guest room, at the moment I wasn’t ready to deal with that either. I couldn’t escape Alex, or the suffering he’d received because of me. 

I pulled the bottle of vodka out of my bag, I then decided to go and sit outside on the veranda and get drunk. It was starting to get colder now but I didn’t care, I now had to wonder if coming back here had been a bad idea.

As the night became colder I decided to go back inside, I put the stereo on with some quiet music and sat on the couch. 

I was becoming drunk but it didn’t matter as I was here alone, great that one thought upset me more than any other. Shit I’d had someone who’d loved me once and I’d blown it big time.

The alcohol combined with the music was making the depression even worse, it was then like an idiot I decided to go into the guest room once more. I sank down to my knees and sobbed, knowing that was the bed where I’d forced Alex to stay. The very same bed where I’d raped and abused him, also where he’d nearly lost his life too.

It was okay and I could put it all right, I guess I knew just what it was that I had to do. I went outside into the shed and grabbed what I would need, I then returned back to the room I now hated. I poured the gasoline all over the bed, I then took a match and threw it also onto the bed.

The heat forced me to retreat, that was fine by me as I wasn’t suicidal just yet. I went and grabbed the remaining vodka, once I was sorted I went back and sat outside on the veranda. 

I will still sat there as I heard the sirens in the distance, however I knew that they were getting closer by the minute. I no longer cared and was still sat here when they arrived.

The fireman rushed past me and went inside, they worked rather fast at putting the fire totally out. Apparently the gasoline had caused the fire to rapidly spread to the other rooms, however I no longer cared about any of it.


	41. Chapter 41

I was not happy about this at all, I’d spent far too long stuck in a hospital one way or another. I was questioned, examined and overall treat like I was nothing. They’d also taken my artificial arm away from me now, also along with the only clothes I had left.

I was stuck in this God awful room, worse still I had to wear a fuckin gown all the time. I was starting to feel really degraded, it was just like I was a piece of meat to all of them. Some of the tests they gave me were impossible to do, especially for someone with only one fuckin arm.

They pumped me full of so many drugs without telling me the reason, hell sometimes I didn’t even know my own name One thing I did know was that I’d been here longer than any two days, I was starting to believe that no one was coming back for me now.

I was fed up and just sat in the corner of my room, now and again I’d start screaming or banging my head against the wall. I was scared but unable to handle my emotions, I couldn’t think straight at all and just wanted something to help. The Englishman hadn’t even come back here once, it was like I no longer existed to any of them.

Maybe I could try escaping, that was a good idea if I could just figure out how, let’s just say that my brain didn’t want to cooperate right now. I knew deep down that it was just a dream, how the hell could I escape wearing a stupid gown. 

I had no idea what they’d even done with my clothes, or why the Englishman bought me new clothes just to leave me here.

I’d learnt over the last year the more I thought the harder it was to understand. The best thing I could do was try and calm down, then I might just find a way out of here. I tried so hard but I couldn’t do it, instead I just started thinking about my past. 

That was a place that should be well left alone, God I was depressed enough without bringing all that back up. It was then that the Doctor entered my room

“Alex can you look at me?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me why you won’t look at me?”

“Because you and all the others are destroying me piece by piece.”

“Is that what you really think Alex?”

“I’m not stupid so don’t treat me like I am.”

“Alex you’re far from stupid, it’s just the assessment took a bit longer than we’d planned. The gentleman who brought you here will be back soon, he wants to see how you are and how the assessment went.”

“Then can I go?”

“That will be up to him when he arrives.”

“So I’m still a fuckin prisoner here…”

“No Alex.”

“Yeah right, that’s why I’m trapped here in this hell hole.”

Not one of them could ever give me an honest answer, I had a feeling I’d rot in here if I didn’t figure a way out.

XXXXXXXXXX

I looked up and noticed the fireman was talking to me.

“Sir are you alright?”

“Yeah couldn’t be better.”

“Are you the only one here Sir?”

“Yeah just me and the many ghosts.”

“The fire spread to a couple more rooms, it’s just that I have a report to fill in!”

“Yeah I know, so what’s the problem.”

“I have to state the cause Sir, you appear to have used an accelerant and I don’t think the insurance will pay out.”

“You can put what you want in your report, I was burning some personal things and it got out of hand. Also I have no intention of putting a claim in for the insurance.”

"Very well Sir, I will have to also state that you are drunk at the time. Also do you have anywhere you can sleep tonight as it will smell a bit?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine.”

I must have sat there for a couple more hours, eventually I had to move as I was freezing cold. When I entered all I could smell was smoke, I no longer cared about the damage that was done. I kicked things out of my way as I went along, all I wanted was just a place to sleep for the night.

I finally found the furthest room from the fire, I guess I could cope if I kept the windows open a bit longer. This room only had a slight smell of smoke, however with the window open I’d need plenty of blankets.

I must have slept for some time, when I opened my eyes there was bright sunshine outside. It felt nice and warm here in the bed now, it was just a shame that I had one hell of a headache. Great suddenly I remembered the events of the previous night, how I’d tried to destroy the evidence of the man I nearly destroyed.

Well I finally decided to drag myself out of the bed, I decided it would be a good idea to take a look at the damage I’d caused. I looked into the closest rooms first, they smelt of smoke and would all need redecorating. 

I then went to look in the room where I’d started the fire, you couldn’t even tell that there had once been a bed in there and everything was just ashes. I knew that this room would need to be totally gutted and replastered, I would get all the work done and then just sell the place.

Most of the memories regarding this place were bad, most recently what I’d done to Alex. Even in the past my parents just argued all the time, they would yell at each other as me and Sam hid upstairs. They were all memories I’d rather forget, the time had come to let go of my past.

I made a couple of phone calls and arranged for a contractor to do it all, the house would be on the market as soon as all the repairs were completed. Great I’d now have the job of sorting out what I wanted to keep, I decided all I wanted was some photos and to hell with the rest.

I was beyond caring about any of it, I just called the airline and arranged a flight back to Washington. Great now I suddenly remembered the carpet and the blood, with that came back all the memories of Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

Finally the Englishman came back to see me, not that I was in the mood to talk to anyone now.

“Alex I need you to listen to me.”

“Go away.”

“Alex pay attention and focus now.”

“No.”

“Right I’ve had enough of this, do you want to leave here or not?”

“You know that I do, you also know that I never even wanted you to leave me here.”

“I know but it had to be done, maybe if you listen to me and pay attention you can leave.”

“Yeah right, so what’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one, however I really need you to listen Alex.”

“Fine just get on with it then.”

“Alex you know how we do things, I had to have you assessed to see how healthy and useful you are. The Doctors just wanted to get it right and that’s why it took longer than we planned.”

“Great so what was the result then?”

“You won’t like it I’m afraid.”

“Just tell me as I have a right to know.”

“Very well, physically you’re not safe to drive with that arm. You also appear to be having a few problems with your left side and your leg can slow you down at times.”

“Great so I’m fuckin useless then?”

“Alex I’m reading what it says on the report, believe me I don’t like having to tell you this. Physically that’s about it, well apart from the paragraph about your left arm.”

“Yeah well spare me the details, I’m sure I know all about that.”

“Very well, I’ll now move on to the results of the mental tests. Alex I’m afraid to say it but you’re totally unstable according to the Doctors. It states that you can’t control your emotions at all, they found you to be unstable even when medicated.”

“What the fuck do they expect when they kept me here against my will? So I take it you all think I’m mad then?”

“No Alex that’s not what we think, they are trying to tell you that you need professional medical help.”

“Great so does that mean you’re just leaving me here then?”

“No Alex as I told you that you’re not a prisoner, also I believe in you. You will come home with me, I’m sure I have a couple of jobs that you’re capable of. Do both jobs Alex and you can walk away, just move on and forget about the consortium.”

“What just like that? How do I know that you’ll keep your word?”

“A true gentleman always keeps his word Alex.”

“Fine if I agree how soon can I leave here?”

“You can get dressed and leave right away, I’ll take you back to my home right now.”

“Fine two jobs and I walk.”

“You have a deal.”

I was quite surprised when he held out his hand to me, I took it and we shook on the deal. He then left me alone so I could get dressed, it felt so good to be out of that stupid gown and be wearing real clothes. 

I was led to the reception area where the Englishman signed the discharge papers, I was then finally free to leave here.

XXXXXXXXXX

In some ways I was glad to be back in D.C, yet it all changed by the time I reached my apartment. The first thing I did was call a professional carpet cleaning company, I then went to unpack all my stuff. 

I hadn’t noticed the jacket slung over the chair, it smelt so much like Alex and I had to move it, like I said before, out of sight out of mind.

Afterwards I checked my messages on the answering machine, two messages both from Skinner. Great he wanted to know when I’d be returning to work, shit suddenly I realized I didn’t want to work the X files anymore. I’d starting having some doubts, but now it would be just me anyway when Scully left.

I decided that I’d call Skinner in the morning, I wanted a job as a normal F.B.I Agent and nothing more. I was brought out of my thoughts by a knock at the door. 

Well at least I might finally get my carpet clean again, I showed the carpet cleaner the stain and left him to it. I could just clean the carpet and wipe out what Alex did, however my memories were another matter and would never let him go.

Every time I look in the room I see Alex just sat there, how low he must have felt at the time and because I didn’t want him. God if only he’d known just how much I’d wanted him, only if I could have trusted him. 

Did he really feel so abandoned by me, he’d been the one who’d found me and saved my life. I owed him far more than I could ever give him, I owed my life to him and he already had my heart.

There had to be a way that I could find him, I just had to find out what the way was though. Maybe I could just throw myself back into work for now, there was always Casandra Spender to deal with. 

That’s what I’d meant about being sick of all the bullshit, nothing but lies just one after another. I could just tell Skinner to give her case to someone else, hell maybe her own son could deal with it.

I’d found the report on my computer regarding Cassandra, Skinner had sent all the details. Yet every time I thought of Cassandra or her son, that black lunged bastard came to mind. The man who’d subjected me to the torture and rape, I knew that the scars on my back would remain for the rest of my life. I decided I’d just phone Skinner and see what he had to say.

“Sir it’s me Agent Mulder.”

“What’s up Agent Mulder?”

“I love the way you always presume something's up Sir.”

“Maybe it’s because there normally is Agent Mulder.”

“Whatever, I was just calling about Cassandra Spender.”

“Why is there a problem regarding the case?”

“I want someone else to take over the case, I’ve already messaged you regarding the X files.”

“Why what’s wrong with the X files now?”

“I’ll let you read my email on that Sir, I just want to sort out the Spender case first Sir.”

“You were requested Agent Mulder.”

“What by Cassandra Spender?”

“No by Agent Scully, it will be her last case on the X files.”

“Fine but it will also me my last case too Sir.”

Well at least he knew now, all I wanted was this case over with as I wanted nothing to do with anyone with the name Spender.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was glad to finally be back at the Englishman’s home, it was far better than that fuckin hospital I’d been stuck in. Now all I had to do was see what the two jobs were, I wanted them over with so I’d be free to leave here. I thought I might take a break far away from D.C and everything else.

“Right Alex come in to my study as I’m sure you want to leave here, I might as well give you your first job.”

“Yeah okay, as long as you’re sure it’s something I can do.”

“You’ll do it regardless Alex, because you know it’s your one shot at freedom.”

“Very well, so what’s my first job then?” 

I’m going to give you an address, I want you to go there and kill Spender.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very serious, he’ll only be there until tomorrow.”

“Why where’s he going?”

“He found out Agent Mulder survived, he’s planning to take another shot at him then he’ll be hiding in his cabin in Quebec.”

“So realistically I need to do it tonight?”

“Yes if you can, either that or you can say goodbye to Fox Mulder.”

“Why do you need Fox alive anyway?”

“His job on the X files is important to the preservation of this planet, also I know that you won’t stand back and watch him die.”

“Think what you want, I take it Spenders no longer important then?”

“He’s overstepped the mark on many occasions now, like I said Agent Mulder has to remain on the X files. He knows of the alien rebels and has seen what they can do. Yet at the moment Agent Mulder seems to be losing his faith in his work.”

“Fine you provide the address and the gun, Spender will be dead before the day ends.”

“Very good you will find everything you need in your room.”

“You was sure I’d agree to it then…”

“Like I said Alex, you want to have your shot at freedom. Also you have a far more important interest in all of this.”

“Such as!”

"Your love for Agent Mulder, you see Alex he’s your one weakness in life.”

“Yeah and look where it got me.”

“Personally I think you both need to sit down and talk together.”

“Yeah right, Fox Mulder made his feelings towards me very clear.”

“Just give it some time Alex and he might see sense.”

“Yeah whatever, anyway how am I meant to get to the address?”

“Yes I’d thought about that what with your inability to drive, I will have a driver waiting outside at nine tonight. He has been ordered to take you within a mile of the address.”   
“Then what afterwards?”

“The driver will give you two hours which is very generous, if you’re not back he’ll go without you.”

Great so the Englishman had it all figured out, hell he also had me all figured out too. I would kill Spender for what he did to Fox alone.

XXXXXXXXXX

I can’t believe I’m working this case just because of Scully, shit the X files was mine and I’d been the believer. What the hell had gone so wrong, at one point I‘d thought the files would be my life forever. 

I’d been to speak with Cassandra, there was once a time that I’d have loved to have met someone like her. The alien lighthouse had produced so many bodies, I’d been there and seen the aftermath yet I still refused to believe.

I think a part of me did believe, but admitting it would mean staying here on the X files. I now sat in the basement just bored and doodling on a newspaper, I guess the news regarding my beliefs was travelling fast. 

It was all just one big cover up, every time I’d discovered something it just vanished. I looked up and noticed I was no longer alone, it wasn’t often that Skinner came down to the basement.

“What brings you down here Sir?”

“I came to see if you were serious about the X files, you know about this been your last case?”

“Yeah I’m sick of all the crap, also I can’t do it alone anymore Sir.”

“I thought that was how you’d originally liked it, you always hated the thought of a partner.”

“Yeah I know but things change, I guess I realized that I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“That’s understandable Agent Mulder, but don’t you think the X files gives you something to focus on?”

“I’m sure I’ll find something else if given time.”

“Very well Agent Mulder.”

“Sir Can I just ask you something?”

“Of course you can Agent Mulder.”

“Have you thought about who’ll replace me…”

“You won’t be replaced.”

“What do you mean Sir?”

“Without you there will be no X files Agent Mulder, the door will close for good so to speak.”

“So all this work was just for nothing then?”

“It would appear that way.”

“Great so why can’t someone else do it?”

“Agent Mulder, I’m just following orders the way you’re supposed to.”

“Hey that sounds like you're trying to say I don’t follow any orders.”

“Agent Mulder you know that you don’t, but in all honesty none of the other Agents wants the job. They have no interest at all in the X files, hence why they all call you Spooky.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“Maybe that’s why you should think again about quitting, my guess is that you’ll find regular work boring Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah possibly, I guess I could always go back to the B.S.U.”

“You quit the behavioural science unit because you hated it, fine I won’t pressure you as it’s your choice.”

“Like I said Sir, I really don’t want to do it alone anymore.”

“Just think about it.”

I knew that if nothing changed there was nothing to think about.

 


	42. Chapter 42

Great it was like history repeating itself yet again, I’d killed Fox’s supposed father to save him. Now I was expected to kill his possible father to also save him. Well I’d come to one main conclusion, Fox Mulder was far better off without a father at all.

The Englishman had left a set of dark clothes on the bed, also a gun fitted with a silencer. I then picked up the folded piece of paper, at most it was only thirty minutes’ drive away. 

I went and showered before dressing and arming myself. I checked the gun was fully loaded and working, once I was sure about everything I knew the time had come to leave. I went out the back way, there as arranged was the car with the engine already running.

I opened the rear door and got in, I then prepared myself for the short journey ahead. If all went well it would be over very soon, most probably within the hour.

I figured this must be the place where he hid, on the outside it just looked like a complete shit hole. There was no security as I entered the building, within minutes I’d found apartment number six.

I picked the poor lock and was inside within seconds, shit all I could smell was smoke and knew I had the right place. I found him sat in a chair with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other, he seemed totally oblivious to my presence there. 

He seemed to be so engrossed in some old western movie, well this would make my job easy as he even had the volume turned up loud. I walked up behind him and put the gun to his head, I then made a point of removing the safety catch.

“Have you got any last words Spender?”

“You haven’t the guts Alex.”

“Don’t try me old man.”

“Why would you want to kill me Alex when I could offer you so much?”

“What about Fox Mulder, did you offer him anything or was it forced upon him.”

“I get it, you want revenge for your lover is that it Alex?”

“That’s just one of the reasons Spender, you deserve all you get and plenty more. You raped and beat him and you even made him believe it was me.”

“No Alex he was drugged when he was raped, he was the one who started calling the man by your name. Well let’s just say it was too good of an opportunity to pass up, everything else after that became easy to make him blame you.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

“To have him in darkness, believing that you were the one holding the whip. It broke him far more than anything else could, but I guess I got my revenge in the end.”

“What revenge?”

“You betrayed me Alex and worked against me.”

“So what if I did.”

“I made the only one person you ever loved hate you.”

The silencer did its job as the bullet entered his head, he just slumped over in his chair and was finally in hell where he belonged.

XXXXXXXXXX

God I feel like I’ve got so much pressure on me at present, shit now I have no idea whether to leave the X files or not. I’ve just been told the news that Cancerman was found dead alone in his apartment. One single bullet to the head, the killer had used a silencer to carry out the crime.

Personally I’d like to shake the killer's hand, the bastard should have been taken down ages ago. Just the thought of that man made me sick, how he’d done what he did to me. Well I guess that was the good news for the day, now I’d have to see how the rest of my day would go.

Scully was having her own crisis, she seemed to be more concerned about the implant at the back of her neck. To be honest I just thought she’d been listening to Cassandra way too much.

As for me I was back in my office, I was sat looking at all the files and the pictures on the walls. In this one room was my entire life’s work and it would all be destroyed if I left. 

Some of the files meant a lot to me and were important, but I knew I’d have to leave them all behind if I quit. I was just thinking about things in general, then I received a call from Skinner's secretary telling me Skinner wanted to see me.

I went to his office and knocked, the minute I entered he shut the door behind me.

“Agent Mulder I’ve not called you here on official business.”

“What’s wrong Sir?”

“News of Spender seems to be travelling rather fast, also the rumours about his suspected assassin.”

“What they know who did it?”

“It sounds like it was an inside job and that it was Alex Krycek.”

“Alex? Why do you think that Sir?”

“Mulder the last time you saw Alex. Well let’s just say you wasn’t too friendly towards him.”

“That wasn’t my fault Sir.”

“No because you believed Alex was the one who’d hurt you.”

“Yeah well I had good reason.”

“Look Alex could have killed Spender out of revenge, possibly because of what the bastard had done to you. Also it was because of Spender that you hated Alex.”

“Yeah I guess it could be possible, but where would Alex be now though?”

“We have no idea, but if it was Alex it means he’s still hanging around.”

“True, I thought he’d be long gone by now.”

“He can’t leave Agent Mulder because of you, he’s still in love with you and can’t let go.”

“Shit and I have no way whatsoever of contacting him.”

“Maybe he’ll show up sooner or later, by the way have you done any more thinking Agent Mulder?”

“What about Sir?”

"The X files, are they to close or remain open?”

I would need some more time, I knew it would be one of the hardest decisions I’ll have to make.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d returned to the Englishman and he seemed pleased with the job I’d done.

“You’ve done well Alex and I knew I could count on you.”

“So I do one more job and then that’s it?”

“Yes as promised you’ll be free to leave here.”

Shit I realized that I didn’t even know where I’d go, maybe I should just see if I can even do the job first. Once it was done then I could plan my future, leaving America would be a start.

“So are you going to tell me what my next job is then, that way I can just go and get it over with?”

“You’re to pay a visit to Agent Mulder, you have to give him a message.”

“I take it this is a fuckin joke.”

“No Alex that’s the job that I expect you to do.”

“I can’t, Jesus he will kill me as soon as he sees me.”

“Well I’m sorry but this is the second part of our agreement.”

“So what is this message anyway?”

“Agent Mulder appears to have lost all that he once believed in, he now also believes that he should quit the X files.”

“How come, why now?”

“Various factors, he needs a reason to believe once more. Agent Mulder along with the X files are vital to stop colonization Alex.”

“Won’t they just replace him on the X files, what about Agent Scully?”

“Agent Scully has already left the X files, Agent Mulder doesn’t want to do it alone anymore.”

“So how the hell am I supposed to give him his faith back?”

“I will be sending you to deliver a message, if you do it right curiosity will get the better of Agent Mulder.”

”Yeah that’s a big if, you just make it sound so simple. I’m not his best friend and he won’t believe a single thing I say.”

“He will if you convince him, also if he does go he’ll see an alien rebel, which should help him believe again.”

“So you think by seeing the alien he’ll just get his beliefs back.”

“I think the alien and possibly a new partner on the X files should do it.”

“What have they found Scully’s replacement already?”

“No not yet, A.D Skinner seems to be having problems, most of the other Agents refuse to work with Mulder as they believe him to be strange to say the least.”

“Well I guess that I don’t have a choice do I, not that I guarantee I’ll come out of this alive.”

“Alex just trust in yourself, a lot has happened to Agent Mulder recently and you have to have patience with him.”

“Yeah right, I swear sometimes I piss him off by just been in the same room as him.”

Why did I have a feeling that visiting Fox was going to be rather painful, that was only if I was lucky and got out alive.

XXXXXXXXXX

Work was really starting to get me down now, I was pissed off with it and with everyone. Skinner had searched for someone to replace Scully, so far he’d had no luck at all. 

Thousands of Agents and not one will work with me, well every single one of them could fuck off for all I cared. Also Scully was planning to move on within the week, I guess I’d hardly get to see her anymore then.

Skinner had also given me one week, I had to decide whether to stay or leave the X files. At the moment I couldn’t find a single reason to make me stay, like I said it was all just bullshit. 

I started going through all the files, I knew if I quit I’d take some of the files with me and fuck the rules. I pulled out the file regarding my sister Sam, which had been my quest and no one else’s. I shoved the file in my desk draw with the one I already had.

I’d hung on to the file for Spender, it was mainly just about Alex anyway.   
It was sentimental and I was a fool, by rights I should have just binned them all. Well fuck this and fuck everyone, I decided it was time I called it a day. All I wanted was to go home, just forget about the decisions I had to make for a while.

I grabbed my jacket and car keys, I also decided that I’d take the files with me. I would leave them in the trunk for now, they were just something else that could wait until another day. In the garage I located my car, I just opened the trunk and threw the files in. 

There in the trunk were still some of Alex’s things, I noticed that there weren’t as many as before. I guessed that was from when he took my car to the apartment. I slammed the trunk closed, he was a part of my life that hurt too much to think about right now.

I pulled out of the Hoover garage and headed off home, all I wanted now was a warm shower and maybe some decent sleep for a change. It was dark by the time I arrived home, I opened my door to near darkness. 

The fish tank cast some light into the doorway, it was then that I noticed the small piece of paper. I then noticed the large writing as I picked it up, Things are looking up.

I personally thought it was a load of crap but never got to think anything more, someone slammed into me full on and pushed me to the ground. It was then that the gun was placed against my temple, I looked up into the eyes of Alex Krycek.

“You must be losing it Mulder, I could beat you with one hand.”

“Isn’t that how you like to beat yourself Krycek, if those are my last words I can do better?”

“I’m not here to kill you Mulder, I’m here to help you.”

“Hey thanks.”

“You know if it wasn’t in my best interests, I would just as soon squeeze this trigger.”

“What’s stopping you?”

He started talking again, however I just seemed unable to listen anymore as my brain just wanted to block him out. He was talking about alien lighthouses, colonization and my part in all of it. The bastard even kissed me on the cheek before handing me my gun, he also called me his friend as he turned to leave.

The fuckin bastard, I hated how he always did the same thing to me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well that was my message delivered and amazingly I was still alive.

“Alex don’t you dare come here spouting of crap to me, then to top it off just turn and walk out again.”

Fuck I didn’t know whether to stay or carry on walking, I was like a fuckin deer trapped in the headlights.

“Mulder don’t do this, please just let me go.”

“I can’t.”

Shit that was when I heard him remove the safety catch, could I take the chance that he wouldn’t shoot me?

“Alex I’m deadly serious, turn around slowly and face me or I’ll put a bullet in you right now."

I knew I was left with no choice, Fox had standards and wouldn’t kill me but he’d keep his word. I couldn’t deal with this and didn’t want to be shot, I slowly turned around until I was facing him.

”I know now that it wasn’t you Alex that abused me, yet I treat you like shit which resulted in you cutting your wrist. However all of this goes further back to a time before I was kidnapped.”

“So when does it go back to then?”

Shit I was trying so damn hard not to get worked up, otherwise I knew I’d just make myself confused and not be able to think.

“It goes back to Russia.”

“So just what is it that you want to know Mulder?”

"You bastard, you know exactly what the hell I’m talking about Alex. You fuckin just left me there to die like I was nothing, even after we’d been through so much and you’d claimed that you loved me.”

“Is that what you really believed and thought of me?”

Suddenly Fox was struggling to hold the tears back, it was then that I saw everything from his perspective.

“The guards Alex, I saw it all and just how friendly you were with them.”

“I had to remain on their good side to get out alive.”

"You’re so full of shit Alex.”

“You always were so quick to blame me for everything, you claimed to love me yet you never gave me the benefit of the doubt did you?”

“Well it was your perfect opportunity to get back at me, shit look at all the abuse I made you suffer as I drugged and raped you.”

“Fox I was…. I am still in love with you and revenge never even crossed my mind.”

“So why the hell sell me out then in Russia, especially as you claim you still love me?”

Fuck I was so sick of just going around in circles, I stood there and let my jacket drop on to the floor.

“Alex what are you doing?”

I ignored him and started working on my tee shirt next, as soon as I removed it I turned my back to Fox.

“Take a good look Fox, you see this was the price of our freedom.”

“Jesus Alex, that’s what they did to you?”

“Yeah as a punishment, they were just about to let us go Fox. Then the fuckin peasants’ also decided to take my fuckin arm, so don’t you sit there and dare make out that it was all my fault.”

“God I’m so sorry Alex, I fucked up and got it all wrong.”

“I don’t want your apology Fox, hell I deserved to have you think like that after all the previous lies. You see though, shit now I’m nothing but a waste of fuckin space.”

“Alex please don’t think that way, hey you’re still gorgeous.”

“And you’re still full of shit Fox.”

“Please stay Alex, I wanted to try again but I couldn’t find you after you left the hospital.”

“It’s not that easy Fox.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Because so much has happened.”

“Can’t we at least try, do you really want to throw everything we had away?”

I stood here feeling so vulnerable and exposed, I just had to get my clothes back on and get the hell out of here. I wanted to believe what Fox was saying, however I knew that the more I thought about it, the more confused I became by it all.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could tell that Alex was becoming distressed, I could tell that he was still having problems at times. It hurt to see that gorgeous face look so worried and upset, the question was would he listen to me now?

“Alex please look at me.”

“I can’t, please Fox don’t make me do this.”

I put my hand under his chin and lifted his head up.

“Alex I love you so much, that was why it hurt so much to think you left me there to die.”

“I would have rather died myself than leave you there.”

“I can see that Alex, I’m just sorry that I didn’t realize back then and trust you.”

“That’s why I don’t think we can try again Fox.”

“Because you’re worried that I won’t trust you?”

“Yeah that and other things.”

“Such as?”

“Fox I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at me Fox, how can you stand to even be in the same room as me?”

“Because I love you Alex, that’s how I can see beyond all the scars.”

“You don’t understand Fox, I need to be punished for what I’ve done.”

“Why what have you done?”

“I’ve killed people Fox.”

“Killed who Alex?”

“Your Father, Spender and many others like him.”

”Alex they deserved what they got, they took far more lives than you ever could and those were mainly innocent victims.”

“It still makes me a murderer.”

“Alex come here.”

Alex seemed to be finding all this hard, he was even struggling to look at me. I could see the tears he shed as they dropped onto the carpet, shit then he bent down and grabbed his tee shirt.

“Alex you don’t need that.”

  
He stood there like he had no idea what to do, I realized that he couldn’t handle the sudden amount that was overloading his brain. I’d have to something, sometimes it was so easy to forget about his brain injury. 

Outwards Alex looked so normal, yet in reality he’d suffered far more than he should have. God and now he stood here believing he should be punished, sometimes it scared the hell out of me the way he thought at times. 

Maybe I could use his way of thinking to my advantage, well it was worth a try if I didn’t want to lose him.

“Alex come here.”

I watched as he looked so unsure, I could tell by his eyes that the urge to refuse was still there.

“Alex come here so that I can punish you.”

Shit he came straight to me without even hesitating, it scared the hell out of me how bad he wanted to be punished. Shit I remembered what had happened at Rhode Island, Alex believed that was how I’d punished him.

“Alex listen to me, I can’t punish you like I did before. I won’t do anything that could severely harm you or affect your health.”

“I need to be punished, please punish me Fox or I’ll have to go to someone else.”

Jesus I knew he really would if I didn’t do something, I’d have to act really fast without scaring the hell out of him.

“You want someone to punish you and be in charge, if that’s true strip now Alex.”

I guess this would test him, he hated how his body had become and would only do it if he truly believed he deserved to be punished.


	43. Chapter 43

I couldn’t believe that Fox had agreed to do it, then he’d no sooner told me to strip then he told me to stop. God I wanted to cry, how could I have been so stupid to think he’d want to touch me.

“Alex before we do anything else, hey don’t look so worried it's okay.”

“Yeah I can understand why you want me to stop, why the fuck would you want to see me naked?”

“Alex I’m not saying that I won’t punish you, hell I’d give anything to have you naked right now. All I want to know is what’s at Wiekamp Air Force base and if it’s important?”

“Shit yeah I forgot all about that, the Englishman sent me here with the message and said you’d believe again.”

“Do we have to go now then, oh and Alex do you trust him.”

“Yeah he was honest with me, shit Fox I need to get dressed and we need to go.”

Fox grabbed his car keys while I re dressed, we were out of there and on the road in five minutes. We literally got to the camp with no time to spare, it took a few minutes to get him on the truck, and then all I could do was wait for him to return. 

The bastards soon had the truck stopped and Fox was exposed, we were both led back to the car. I was scared to say anything as Fox just remained quiet, the guard said we may also get charged with trespassing.

I really felt for Fox and hoped he’d seen something to help him believe again. Now I had to wonder just where I stood with Fox, maybe I should have left straight away.

“Fox are you okay, it’s just you’re quiet?”

“Yeah it was just a bit of a shock that’s all, I’ll be okay Alex so don’t worry about me.”

  
”As long as you’re sure, Fox can you just drop me off. Somewhere that I can get a cab would be good, then I won.t have to call for one?”

“Why? I thought that you was coming with me.”

“With you where?”

“Home Alex, I thought you were willing to give us another chance?”

“Is that what you really want?”

“It’s what I want more than anything Alex, where were you planning on going anyway and do you even have a place?”

“No Fox I ‘don’t have anywhere, I worked for the Englishman and stayed there.”

“What did he expect you to do?”

“All I had to do was kill Spender, oh and also deliver that message to you.”

“You’ve always known more than you let on, I mean about the aliens and all of that.”

“Yeah and now I want you to know some stuff too Fox, you’re really important Fox in the fight against colonization,”

“So are you saying that the X files are important too Alex?”

“Very and that’s why the Englishman wanted you to see the alien rebel, he knows just how important you are Fox.”

“Yeah well you’re very important to me Alex so get used to it.”

“I’ll try Fox.”

I remained quiet as Fox drove back home, I guess I was expecting Fox to tell me it was all a joke. He parked the car and got out, he then went to the rear and opened the trunk. Well I guess I might as well just get it over with, I got out of the car not knowing what to expect.

“Alex can you give me a hand with all this stuff, I need help to take it to the apartment?”

I walked around to help Fox, I couldn’t stop the tears when I realized what he meant.

“Shit are you really sure about this Fox?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been about anything in my life.”

“I don’t know what to say…”

“Just say yes Alex.”

I didn’t even have to think about it, I wanted to be back with Fox and never thought it would happen again.

“Yes Fox I’ll stay here with you.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Come on then and grab some stuff, maybe subconsciously I knew you’d be back.”

“I can’t believe that you kept it all, especially for this long.”

“Deep down I didn’t want to let you go.”

I grabbed the box while Alex carried the bag, we then took the lift up to the fourth floor.

“Alex just put it all in the bedroom and we can sort it in the morning.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Alex are you sure you’re okay, you just seem a bit quiet that’s all?”

“I guess that I’m just a bit overwhelmed, to be honest I’d expected you to kill me or arrest me.”

“Alex come to bed with me and we can talk tomorrow, all I want now is to hold you and know you’re real.”

I went into the bedroom along with Alex and undressed, he just stood there looking totally lost.

“Come on Alex I won’t bite.”

“Your perfect Fox and I’m so….”

“Alex stop it and get into bed.”

“Sorry.”

Alex finally started to undress and then got into bed, I noticed that he’d kept the arm on along with his tee shirt.

“Alex I do love you so much and you can talk to me about anything, you don’t have to hide anything from me.”

Great it was then that I heard him sobbing, I sat up and turned the lamp back on. 

”Alex would you do anything at all for me, I mean would you trust me if it were in your best interest?”

“Yes of course I trust you.”

“Take the tee shirt off Babe.”

He hesitated a few moments and then removed it, shit that was when I saw the straps and how they cut into his chest.

“Alex I now want you to remove the arm too.”

I noticed that he was more hesitant this time before doing it, however I think he was more worried what I’d do if he refused.

“You're still the man that I fell in love with Alex, shit Spender had me whipped but it was nothing like that. You must have suffered so much by the amount of scars, also they must have hit you over and over.”

“Yeah I’d lost count after they reached twenty.”

“God you did that for us, you suffered all that because you love me.”

“I’d do it again if that was what it would take.”

“Yeah well you don’t have to suffer any more now so don’t worry.”

“You still have to punish me Fox.”

“Yeah well we have plenty of time now Alex.”

“Yeah true.”

“We’d better get some sleep as I’m at work in the morning.”

“Yeah okay, do you want me to leave while you go to work?”

“No of course not as this is your home too now, I just need you to promise me something Alex.”

“What’s that?”

“Promise me that you won’t run away, that you’ll still be here when I get home from work.”

“I promise Fox.”

I kissed him gently on the lips and held him in my arms, within no time at all he was fast asleep. I just managed to switch the lamp off without waking him, I then lay there watching him in the moonlight. I had everything I wanted here in my arms, this time I wasn’t prepared to let go for anyone. 

Alex was my life despite how we got to where we are, it’s the end results that matter more than anything else. Soon darkness also claimed me, well until my alarm woke me up for work. Most days I woke long before the alarm went off, I guess I was finally content and had what I wanted.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to find I was here alone and knew Fox would have gone to work, great I’d need to find something to occupy myself then I noticed the box on the floor. 

I dragged myself out of bed and started emptying the box, shit I realized that this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I felt so emotional and knew I’d just end up crying again, I guess I’d not expected Fox to still want me or have anything to do with me.

I decided to close the box back up, I would deal with all that some other time. I went into the room and turned the computer on, I just wanted to see if there was a gym close by. I would need to get myself in better shape, also I really would need to work on my balance.

There were so many gyms to choose from, trouble was I was starting to get confused by the small map. Maybe I should have just asked Fox, it wasn’t like I could risk driving to one even if I had a car.

I decided on a quick shower, then I’d go out for a walk as the fresh air might clear my head. The weather wasn’t too cold so it was rather refreshing, I forgot all about the time as I just walked and walked.

Shit I started to feel really nervous now, I knew because of my leg I’d walked way too far. I knew physically what I was capable of and the limit, shame I’d mentally forgot that I also had to walk back. I’d not even bothered bringing a phone with me or any money, shit I knew that I couldn’t even call a cab to take me back.

Fuck I was really starting to panic now and get stressed out, what the fuck was wrong with me. I’d survived returning from Russia alone, yet I couldn’t even cope here in D.C. 

I knew it was just a case of too much happening too soon, yet I was scared that I couldn’t find my way back. I sat down on a bench and burst into tears, I think that most people was just trying to avoid me.

I guess that I must have looked like some deranged mad man, not that I could help it at the moment. Finally someone was brave enough to come up to me, it was then that I recognized the police uniform.

“Can I help you Sir, it’s just you appear to be rather upset?”

“I can’t get home, I walked too far and I can’t walk back because of my leg.”

“Why what’s wrong with your leg Sir.”

“It’s been funny ever since I was in a coma.”

“Look I’ll radio in and see if anyone can give you a lift, just let me know where it is you want to go?”

“I want to go see Fox Mulder, he’s at the hoover building.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah he works for the F.B.I.”

“Just hold on then.”

The police officer radioed in and soon they sent a car for me, before I knew it I was at the F.B.I headquarters. Someone said they would take me to see Fox, well at least I now felt safe and had my bearings back too.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d left Alex in bed as I thought the sleep would do him good, work was quiet now and it was just me as Scully had gone back to Quantico. The day was going okay and then I got a call from Skinner.

“Agent Mulder its A.D Skinner.”

“What can I do for you Sir?”

“Can you come to my office straight away?”

“Yes Sir, can I just ask what it’s about?”

“I’d like you to come and collect something, it appears you’ve been keeping me in the dark Agent Mulder.”

“Such as, look I’ll be there in a few minutes then we can talk.”

“Fine just don’t be too long.”

I hung up and grabbed my jacket, great now I was left wondering just what Skinner wanted me for now. I decided to take the stairs up to the fourth floor, I was then met by his secretary.

“A.D Skinner said you were to go straight in Agent Mulder.”

“Thanks Kimberly.”

I walked in to see Alex sat there in Skinner's office, shit my heart beat faster and I wondered if he’d been arrested for something.

“Agent Mulder don’t look so worried, I thought you could maybe take Alex to your office for a couple of hours.”

“Fine Sir, but can I just ask why he’s here?”

“Alex can explain to you, however I see I was right and he turned back up.”

“Yes Sir I was going to tell you later on.”

“Hey I’m pleased if it’s what you both want?”

“Yeah it is Sir, come on Alex let’s go.”

I went back down to the basement with Alex, I had to admit it felt strange and like going back in the past.

”Alex are you okay, you just look a bit pale that’s all?”

“Yeah I went for a long walk and I was too tired to walk back, I panicked because I forgot to take any money with me. Shit Fox and now I look like a fuckin incapable idiot.”

“Alex don’t put yourself down all the time, at least I get to see you far sooner than I’d expected. Can I just ask why you suddenly went for a walk, shit Alex was you planning to leave again?”

“Fox despite what you think about my body, well I do need to get some exercise now and again. If you must know I just went to find a gym nearby, I also have to work on my balance too.”

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions Alex, I take it you didn’t find one then?”#

“No that was why I kept on walking.”

“I’ll sort something out for you Alex.”

“Thanks Fox I just don’t want to be a burden.”

“Alex you’re my equal partner and lover, believe me you’re not a burden. Maybe if I help sort that you could help me too?”

“By doing what Fox?”

“You can give me your opinion on a case.”

“Yeah okay, what’s the case about?”

I gave Alex a file to read, mainly because I thought it might stop him becoming bored. It was nearly two hours later and time to go home, I looked up to see that Alex was still engrossed in the file he was reading.

“Alex it’s time to go home.”

“Yeah okay, I’ve made a few notes in the margin Fox.”

“Yeah okay I’ll have a look tomorrow.”

Well today had gone better than I expected, now all I wanted was to go home and make love to Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was pleased that I’d got to go and see Fox, I was also happy by the fact he was glad to see me too. I was surprised when he passed me the file and I felt like I did years ago. Typical Fox as he didn’t trust me and thought I might be leaving, yet he can trust me with highly confidential files.

On the drive to the apartment things started to bother me yet again, I knew that it was stupid and I didn’t want Fox to know I was depressed. Great we made to Hegal place in silence, it was Fox who spoke up first.

“So Alex what’s wrong, you seem to have gone very quiet on me?”

  
“Nothing I guess, I’m fine Fox so stop worrying.”

  
We both got out of the car and entered the building, at least it was peaceful here yet I doubted I’d ever call it home.

“Alex I’m talking to you.”

“Sorry I was miles away.”

“You’ve got until we reach the apartment, then I will ask you again and this time I want an answer.”

Shit suddenly it felt like I’d pissed Fox off, great I really didn’t want him to become like he was before. We reached the apartment, once inside Fox stopped me.

“Talk Alex.”

“It’s nothing, shit it doesn’t matter Fox.”

“Fine have it your own way Alex.”

Okay that was not what I’d expected from him and he was normally pushy, however I soon realized that Fox had his own agenda.

“Alex I want you in the bedroom now, you will then remove your clothes as we have some unfinished business.”

I never even answered Fox, at the end of the day I’d asked him to punish me. I went into the bedroom and did as he asked, I then just sat there naked on the bed. Fox made me wait there for about twenty minutes, he finally put in an appearance and I suddenly felt really nervous.

“Alex I’m going to punish you like you asked, do you accept and still want that?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know why I’m going to punish you?”

“I guess it’s for not talking to you, for hiding the fact that something's bothering me?”

“Yeah that pretty much sums it up, plus you’ve just admitted to me that something's bothering you.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah you slipped up there Alex, right lay on your stomach now.”

I did as Fox asked without even questioning him, he was my soulmate and I trusted him with my life. Shit I jumped as the belt hit my bare ass, not once but twice straight after each other.

“Three more to go Alex, as this is your first punishment I’ll go easy on you.”

Shit then he hit me another two times really hard, I could feel the tears as they dropped onto the bed.

“You’re doing well Alex and just have one more, are you sure you can handle it?”

“Yeah just do it Fox.”

Shit I couldn’t help but scream as the fifth one hit me, Fox had made that the hardest one of all. I then felt the soothing cream as he rubbed it on my very sore backside, holy shit it was then that he slipped a finger inside me. 

He started moving it around and then added a second one, then he started moving it around in a scissor motion. At this rate I’d come without Fox even touching my cock, I was more turned on than I’d ever been.

“Do you want me inside you Alex?”

“God yes of course I do.”

I wanted anything that Fox was willing to give me and more.

XXXXXXXXXX 

God I knew he had an obsession with being punished, yet it just felt wrong to go too hard on him. I thought it might work better if I added some pleasure, that way hopefully he wouldn’t feel like I hated him.

“Alex for that to happen you have to talk to me.”

“Fine whatever, just fuck me Fox.”

I deliberately moved my fingers around and searched for his prostate, I knew that he was starting to get really turned on now. I also knew I’d have to cool it a bit if I wanted answers

”Alex I’m going to stop if you don’t tell me what was wrong.”

“Shit it will just sound stupid and childish.”

“Alex last chance.”

“In your office it felt so right like old times, back before I fucked up everything. Shit Fox I betrayed you also my own mother.”

“Alex it’s far from stupid to wish you could change things, hell you lost so much because of Spender and his lousy promises.”

“Yeah but in the end it was me, I lost so much because I was greedy and wanted it all. I didn’t want to work my way up some ladder when there was a faster way, so really I deserved everything I got.”

“No Alex you were young and easy led, Spender used your vulnerability to his advantage.”

“Maybe you’re right Fox.”

“Alex it wasn’t just you back there in the basement, god it felt so good having you there again.”

“So are you going to fuck me now Lover?”

“You are very demanding Alex, however first I also need to get undressed.”

I had no choice but to move away from him to undress, however it didn’t take me long to be back by his side. I went back to stroking his ass and inserting my finger back inside him.

“Jesus Fox I’m gonna come if you keep that up.”

“Okay fine I’ll stop teasing you Babe.”

I climbed behind him and pulled him up on all fours, never mind Alex as I’d be coming looking at him like this. I’d made a point of positioning many pillows at his left side, I just hoped he’d let me know if he couldn’t support his weight.

Soon I was in position and I plunged my cock deep inside him, god how could I have ever gone this long without him in my life. I soon worked up a rhythm, I was biding my time and making him wait. Soon I knew he was ready by all the sounds he was making, I knew I couldn’t torment him any longer.

“Come for me Alex.”

“Jesus you couldn’t stop me if you tried Lover.”

Within seconds he came all over the bed, he then tightened his ass muscles causing me to follow.

“Jesus Fox I thought you were never going to let me come.”

“Now would I do something like that?”

“Maybe.”

“Come on it's time we both got some sleep Alex.”

“Yeah sorry I forgot that you need to be up early.”

“Hey I’ll also be sorting out a gym or something for you, so you will also be getting up early.”

“Great now you tell me!”

“Alex if ever anything at all bothers you, you have to come and find me so we can talk. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us okay?”

“Yeah okay Fox.”

“Right sleep now as it will soon be morning.”

We were both exhausted now and at least we’d soon be asleep, I just hoped I could find a way to keep him occupied during the day.


	44. Chapter 44

Fox wasn’t joking, shit he’d had the alarm set for six and it was still dark outside. All I knew was that it was far too early to be getting up, all I wanted was to get Fox back in here with me.

“Alex move your backside right now.”

“I’m not coming, God it’s still nighttime and I’m tired.”

“Well I’m not taking no for answer Alex, you wanted me to take you to a gym and that’s what I’m doing.”

Great it was looking like I didn’t even have a choice in this, I knew that Fox could be relentless when he wanted to be. I sat up and thought about moving, God that required way too much effort. I grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at Fox and he really didn’t look impressed. 

“Alex behave, you’re really pushing your luck and I don’t have time for this.”

“Fox please, go on your own and I promise I’ll come tomorrow.”

“Alex you won’t get fit if you stay in bed all day.”

“Well I can think of an exercise that can be done in bed, you can even do it with me Lover.”

“Alex don’t even go there or I’ll end up calling in sick, I promise that you can come straight back to bed when we get home.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“God just move!”

“Fine, look I’m moving Fox.”

I dragged myself into the bathroom and took a quick shower, I came out to find Fox fully dressed and ready to go to work.

“Hey you can’t expect me to leave without a coffee.”

“Alex we’ll get a coffee when we get there, maybe next time you’ll get up when the alarm goes off.”

“Yeah whatever, you’re a slave driver Fox.”

“Yeah and you can be a pain in the ass.”

“Fox I’d love to be a pain in your backside right now.”

“Oh God give me strength….”

We finally got into the car and I remained quiet most of the time, Fox had very little patience when it came to traffic. However it was then that I noticed where we were going, so much for Fox helping me find a local gym. We pulled into the Hoover garage, Fox then parked the car in his usual spot and got out.

“Alex are you getting out, or do you just plan on staying in the car all day?”

“I take it I’ll have to find a gym myself then?”

“No just hold on though, come on Alex move it.”

I was left with no choice other than to follow him, well it was that or sit in the car all day until he finished work. I soon noticed where Fox was going, I was the one supposed to be going to a gym and not him.

“Well you know what the gyms like here Alex as I’m sure you’ve used it in the past…”

“Yeah of course, I just don’t see how that helps me Fox?”

“I had a word with Skinner yesterday, he said that you might as well use the gym here if it was easier. You won’t get lost and I won’t have to worry about you, also we can even have lunch together if you want?”

“You really have thought this through, are you sure you won’t get into any trouble Fox?”

“Yeah I’m sure, also don’t forget the large pool as the swimming will do you good.” 

“Fox how could I possibly forget about the pool?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well of course I remember the pool, mainly you climbing out wearing a skimpy red speedo.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex was managing to remember quite a lot and I was glad, in all honesty I’d just not expected him to remember that. I left him there in the gym and was pleased he’d have something to occupy himself with. I’d agreed that I’d meet him for lunch, but for now I had a case to go work on.

I went down to the basement, great now it felt really quiet here alone again. I spent the next couple of hours working, yet no matter what somethings refused to add up. Well that was until I noticed all the notes Alex had made, he’d even made sure he’d done it all in pencil for me.

I was the criminal profiler and should have noticed certain things, I had to admit that Alex had done some really good work. If not for him I wouldn’t have been able to close the case, I made my reports and put them on my desk.   
I’d promised Alex that we’d have lunch and I didn’t want to disappoint him, he didn’t seem to cope too well with disappointment or change.

I realized I didn’t even know if he was still taking his medication, I’d have to try and remember to ask him later on. I’d learnt in the past that Alex also feared rejection, he still blamed himself for most things in his life. I went down to the gym to find him, then I’d let him decide where we’d go. 

I walked in and noticed Alex in the corner on the treadmill, he seemed to be keeping up without any problems. I decided to go over and have a word with the gym instructor first, I’d asked him on the quiet to keep a look out for Alex.

“Hey Steve how’s he doing?”

“Good day Agent Mulder, I don’t want to sound bad now or for you to take it the wrong way.”

“Why what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong that’s just it, I guess I was expecting someone who was limited to what they could do. Alex there seems to be able to work out really well, especially for someone who’s suffered what he has.”

“Hey I’m just glad because it keeps him fit and gives him something to do, which at the moment is what he really needs.”

“Well he can do as well as most of the Agents here, I could soon have him in tip top shape.”

“What about his left side though, won’t it slow him down at all?”

“To say Alex has a limp and only one arm you’d expect less of him, but he’s not that much different from anyone else here apart from been strong willed.”

“Yeah that sounds like Alex, I need to speak with him anyway.”

“He said he’d have to finish soon for lunch, if he’s coming most days I could work out an exercise plan…”

“That would be really good and I appreciate it.”

“Yeah okay I’ll get back in touch with you soon, I’ll draw up a plan tonight for you to look at.”

“Yeah okay and thanks again, I’d better go see him before he starts panicking.”

“Yeah okay I’ll catch you later.”

I went over to where Alex was running on the treadmill, he didn’t notice as he was totally absorbed in what he was doing.

“Hey Alex are you nearly finished here?”

“Yeah, I just need five minutes to freshen up and change.”

“Yeah okay I’ll wait here then.”

I watched as Alex went into the changing rooms, it was really good to see him smiling and happy again.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt really pleased with the workout I’d done today, I’d spent about three hours now exercising and swimming. I grabbed a quick shower as I really needed one, once I was fully ready I went to get Fox.

“Come on Fox let’s go.”

“Alex have you thought about where you want to go?”

“Anywhere that sells decent food.”

“Fine that rules out most of the places around here.”

“Fox I really don’t care, we can just grab something at the canteen here if you want?”

“Yeah as long as you don’t feel too intimidated Alex, you know what some of the Agents can be like.”

“I’ll be fine Fox.”

I knew that Fox worried about me, however I was not that easy intimidated and they’d most likely forgot who I am anyway.

“Alex if you want to leave at all just tell me.”

“Yeah okay but they might have forgot the past, the time when I was your partner Spooky.”

“Alex I will punish you later at home.”

“Promises Fox.”

“Hey believe me I can keep my promises Alex.”

“You can prove it later on then Lover.”

We finally settled on the canteen and I grabbed a coffee and a sandwich, more than anything I just needed some caffeine.

“Alex you should be eating more than that, especially after all the exercise you’ve just done.”

“I’m fine and you worry too much Fox.”

“Hey you know it’s only because I love you, so what are you planning this afternoon then?”

“I’m not sure yet, I can always get a cab home or wait here for you.”

“I’ll leave it to you to decide Alex.”

“Yeah I’ll let you know in a bit.”

“We’ll need to find you something to do, otherwise you’re going to end up getting really fed up.”

“Yeah true.”

I didn’t want to tell him that I was worried about that, I’d always been a person with somewhere to be or something to do. It had felt right here with Fox, however I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it every day and the gym would eventually get boring.

“Alex you’re miles away again.”

“Sorry I was just thinking about the exercise I’d done, I was wondering if I’d be able to use the gym again some other time?”

“Yeah Skinner said to use it whenever you want, also the gym instructor wants to work out an exercise plan for you.”

“What so I can come here on a regular basis?”

“Yeah Steve seems to think you’ll do really well, he’s right Alex as it’s hard to believe you’ve suffered so much.”

“Yeah but you’re my lover so you would say that.”

“Yes Alex I do love you, but even Steve said you do better than some of the Agents here.”

“What really?”

“Yeah, maybe I should take you to the shooting range some time. You appear strong enough and your right side works fine.”

“I’d like that Fox.”

“Fine I’ll have a word with Skinner.”

Well at least Fox was trying, also it would be good to see how well I could do.

XXXXXXXXXX

We finished our lunch and I then left Alex in the basement, I had to pay a quick visit to Skinner before doing anything else.

“Agent Mulder what can I do for you? I’ve already heard that you’re doing well on the case.”

“Yeah I’ve pretty much solved it Sir, well or should I say Alex did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Alex was bored and I let him look through the file for something to do.”

“You do know that he’s not allowed to do that Agent Mulder…”

“Yeah I know Sir, after his brain injury I guess I thought it would go way over his head. However he ended up doing better than me, he’d put some notes in the margin and that was how I solved it.”

“So he’s not suffering any major damage then?”

“Apparently he has to have another assessment in a couple of weeks, yet he seems to be doing fine and handling most things. According to the gym instructor he’s doing as good, if not better than some of the Agents here Sir.”

“I’m pleased that he’s doing well as he deserves it, so what can I do for you at the moment Agent Mulder?”

“I want your permission to take Alex to the shooting range with me, plus I also was wondering if there was anything he could do around here?”

“Right I’ll tell you what I’ll do Agent Mulder, you have my permission to take Alex with you when it’s empty as I want no accidents. Just see how he goes then get back to me after his assessment, however I’m not promising anything.”

“You’ve done a lot already Sir, I’m really grateful and I’m sure Alex will be too.”

“Oh and Agent Mulder….”

“Yes Sir.”

“You can also get me the gym results along with the ones from the range, I’d also like to see the file that he wrote in.”

“Very well I’ll get them to you later Sir, I just need to have a word with the gym instructor first.”

“Okay just try and sort it within a couple of days, then the Doctors report in a couple of weeks.”

“No problem and thanks again Sir.”

“That’s fine I’m glad to help.”

“Well I won’t mention anything to Alex Sir at the moment.”

“Wise idea Agent Mulder.”

“Right I’d better get back to Alex now.”

With that I left Skinner's office, it wasn’t long before I was back in the basement with Alex.”

“Hey I’m back, I hope you weren’t too bored stuck here Alex?”

“No I was just reading some stuff, I hope that was okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine, anyway Skinner gave us the go ahead to use the range.”

“Really Fox?”

“Yeah come on let’s get going, we can go and see how good you are.”

“Hey I’m a bit out of practice, I might be no good at all now Fox.”

“It’s okay as you have all afternoon to practice.”

“I can’t wait it will be fun, hey Fox just make sure you stand behind me."

“Don’t worry I’ll make sure I’m not in your line of fire Babe.”

Alex seemed to in a really good  mood, I’d just be interested to see how good he is with a gun.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was really pleased that Skinner had allowed this, I figured that I should be reasonably okay as I’m right handed. I guess I’d just have to hope that my brain would let me focus on the target.

It was me and I guess I worried a lot, well I did since the coma anyway. I’d got it into my head that I wasn’t good enough, that most people just thought that I was stupid.

“Right Alex I’m just going to give you a Glock twenty two as I don’t know what you prefer, I know that you’ve handled one in the past and should be okay.”

“Yeah I used to be able to handle most guns in the past.”

Fox placed the gun on the counter along with the bullets, shit then I noticed that Fox was looking a bit worried.

“Fox what’s wrong?”

“I was stupid and I’m sorry, I should have put the bullets in it for you.”

“Hey are you trying to imply that I’m stupid Lover?”

“Why would I think that Alex? You’re far cleverer than you even give yourself credit for.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Good as it was meant to be, anyway do you want me to load the gun for you?”

“Just leave it Fox, I’ll have a go myself first and only ask you if I can’t do it.”

“Yeah okay Babe.”

Great now I felt more nervous because I knew that Fox was watching me, however I was determined to show him as I’d done it once before back in Russia, I knelt down and opened the gun, I then held it between my knees as I popped the bullets in. I stood back up to find Fox staring at me, I don’t think he’d expected me to do it on my own.

“Right come on Fox load the target up.”

I took my time until I had my balance and the gun felt right, it was then that I aimed and fired. I took my time with all of the six bullets, not that I had a reason for this to be perfect or anything.

“Right Alex let’s reel it in.”

“Yeah okay.”

Fox reeled in the target, I noticed that he was smiling and looked pleased with the results.

“Hey look at this Alex.”

Fox held out the target for me to look at, well I’d done far better than I’d expected.

“Well it’s not a bad start Fox.”

“Hey it’s better than that, three hit the centre and all six hit the board.”

“Right your turn Fox.”

Fox took aim and started firing, after all six shots he reeled the target in.

“Shit I only managed to get four in the centre out of six, I guess I’ll need some more practice too.”

“Well like you said Fox, we do have all afternoon to practice.”

I knew that Fox had missed the last two shots on purpose, he was one hell of a shot and didn’t want me to feel bad. Well I was determined that I’d get better by the end of the day, I just took my time and kept on practicing, it was at the end of the day Fox collected all the targets. It turned out that I’d got five out of six in the centre, I was really pleased that I wasn’t a total failure.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I have to say that I was really surprised, Alex had done far better than I’d expected he would. I guess now all I had to do was hope Skinner could find him something to do, obviously he still had a lot of talent from when he was a young Agent.

“Well you should be pleased with the results Alex, a bit more practice and you’ll be able to get six out of six.”

“Yeah not that I know what good it’ll do me in the long run, I can’t think of a job that would let me carry a gun?”

“Hey the main thing at the moment is that you’re capable, try not to feel to negative all the time.”

“I’ll try I promise.”

I knew Alex had to get his footing and find a place in life, I myself wanted him to feel good and have a purpose.

“How about we call it a day Alex? Come on let’s just go home Babe.” 

“Yeah sounds good, don’t forget you promised to punish me Fox.”

“Oh yes I forgot about that, what was it you called me?”

“Hey if you can’t remember Fox, well that’s your problem not mine,”

“Oh its okay I remember now, you called me Spooky.”

“Hey that means you’ll have to punish me now then.”

“Yeah Alex and I can’t wait.”

We were soon back in the car and on our way home, it had been a really long tiring day. I’m guessing that if I’m this tired, hell Alex must be totally exhausted.

“How are you holding up Alex? It must have been a long day for you Babe?”

“Yeah I’m exhausted, somebody got me up really early this morning.”

“Poor baby was it too early for you?”

“Damn right it was.”

“Do you want the good news Alex?”

“Go on then.”

“I’m going to make you do it all again tomorrow.”

“I take it that’s your idea of a joke?”

“No I’m deadly serious.”

“Great you can forget about punishing me then.”

“Why can’t you handle it Babe?”

“Shit Fox I’m not used to long days like this.”

“You’ll get used to it soon enough.”

I knew Alex was starting to sulk now, that unfortunately was one of the down falls from the coma. He seemed to really struggle controlling his emotions, however it only seemed to happen around me. The hospital believed it was because he didn’t want to let me down, he didn’t want me to see him as a failure.

I’d been through all this with Alex before, he just couldn’t accept that I loved him no matter what. I have to admit that I’ve had some days where I have to push him, he’s had a few days where he refused to even get out of bed. I was starting to have a feeling this would be one of those times, he could be a really stubborn bastard when he wanted to be. It was just as well that I loved him, oh and I also loved a challenge.

“Right Alex you’ve gone really quiet now.”

“What the hell do you expect, when we get home I’m going straight to bed.”

“Yeah after you eat and have a shower.”

I’d been with Alex and all he’d had today was a sandwich, if he didn’t eat he’d end up making himself ill.


	45. Chapter 45

I swear that I was far too tired to shower or even eat, especially if Fox expected me to do it all again in the morning. I guess that sex and any punishment would be put on hold for now, well at least until Fox had a day off. I was starting to fall asleep in the car, it was then I suddenly had Fox tapping me on my arm.

“Hey Alex come on we’re home now, it’s time to get that shower and some food.”

“Great now I can finally get some sleep.”

“Look if you’re really tired go for a shower first, while you’re there I’ll order a takeaway just for tonight.”

“Fine however we’ll have to work out something better long term.”

“Yeah true, we’ll have to make loads of meals and freeze them.”

“Yeah that could work Fox.”

We went into the apartment, I left Fox and went for a more than welcome shower. I had a feeling that come morning I would ache all over. I finally got dried off and lay down on the bed. I swear that it was a mistake, I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier by the second. The next thing I knew Fox was waking me as he massaged my back and it felt so good.

“Come on sleepy head foods arrived, Alex it’s time to eat….”

“Don’t stop Fox, oh God that feels so good.”

“Right come and eat, then I promise that I’ll give you a relaxing massage,”

“Can’t you just being the food in here?”

“Alex move now, you need to eat more than a sandwich.”

God what part of I was too tired didn’t he understand?

“I don’t want anything, don’t worry Fox I’ll be okay.”

“Move right now Alex.”

Great I really didn’t need him been all masterful right now, I was far too tired for all that crap.

“Alex this is the last time I’m telling you.”

“Good tell me and go then.”

“I’m warning you.”

“God I’m so scared.”

“No you’re just a stubborn bastard.”

“Whatever Fox.”

Shit I suddenly jumped as he slapped me, I’d well and truly felt it on my bare ass.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“You know what it was for, now move.”

“Fine I’ll move if it gets you off my back.”

“Good come on then.”

I sat up and watched as Fox removed his suit, it wasn’t long before he stood there totally naked.

“You go and start eating, I’ll join you after a quick shower Babe.”

I watched his gorgeous sexy body and that was my undoing, God he was such a turn on and I couldn’t help myself. I took Fox totally unaware, I grabbed him and shoved him down on the bed.

“Alex what the fuck are you doing?”

“The food and shower can wait Fox, first I’m going to make love to this gorgeous body.”

“God how can I say no too that?”

I’d been exhausted but faced with Fox naked, it just gave me that extra bit of energy I’d need.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Jesus I take it you suddenly found some energy?”

“Fox looking at you naked, shit no one could pass up an opportunity like that.”

I was on my stomach as he entered me from behind, I take it he was still too tired for any foreplay. Not that it bothered me as I was normally the one on top. Every once in a while it would be Alex that became the dominant one, that was why we were both equals in this relationship. Right about now he was proving that to me, he was working up a rhythm and I knew this wouldn’t last beyond a few minutes.

“Fuck me hard Babe.”

“God you’re way too bossy Fox.”

“Only because I love you.”

“Yeah well I only let you get away with it because I love you, I wouldn’t let anyone else believe me.”

“See we make a good team.”

“Yeah apart from the fact you talk too much.”

As Alex got faster I became more turned on, I realized he was right and only I could speak to him the way I do. Soon I couldn’t think straight anymore, especially as Alex hit my prostate repeatedly, it was then that I came and took Alex with me.

“Great now I need to sleep too.”

“No chance Fox, have a quick shower while I sort the food out.”

“Yeah okay you’ve got a deal.”

My body ached far worse than was possible, at this rate I’d be having to join Alex in the gym I finally joined him in the room, at least the food was just the right temperature to eat now.

“Alex after this I think we need to call it a night.”

“You sounds like a good idea.”

We finished eating and cleared the rubbish away, it was only then that we finally got to call it a day. I set the alarm for six once again, we might actually be lucky and get several hours sleep. Since I’d had Alex here I slept far better, on the other hand Alex could be rather restless at times. Mind you after everything I’m not surprised he sometimes has nightmares.

“Alex roll over and I’ll finish that massage.”

“Hey only if you feel up to it?”

“Yeah I’m good.”

I started massaging his back and shoulders, it wasn’t too long before he started to sound content.

“You’ve done really well today and I’m proud of you Babe, have you coped without your arm playing up?”

“Fox it actually hasn’t bothered me at all, I guess I was far too distracted with other things.”

“Hopefully after all the adjustments it’ll stay that way.”

“Yeah I hope so.”

I carried on with the massage and soon Alex was snoring, it was only then that I thought about going to sleep myself.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to the awful sound of the God damn alarm clock, seriously it couldn’t be me morning already and I ached too much to even move.

“Fox I really can’t do this again, shit every muscle in my body hurts too much.”

“Alex you do know that I was only joking?”

“What I can stay in bed then…”

At this present moment in time that sounded real good, I’d give anything to stay right here where I was warm and comfortable.

“No Alex that wasn’t what I meant, you’re still getting up and coming with me.”

“Fuckin great.”

“Alex I’ll go easier on you today, so don’t start worrying before we even get there.”

I dragged myself out of bed and went into the bathroom, maybe one I was dressed I’d feel a lot better. The shower eased my aching muscles somewhat, I went back into the bedroom and soon got myself dressed.

“We’ll have to see about getting you a couple of suits Alex, that way you’ll fit in a bit better.”

Great now Fox wanted to treat me like I actually worked there.

“Fox you’re not serious are you? It’s just I gave up wearing suits a long time ago.”

“Alex I find you gorgeous and sexy in leather, however it’s not really appropriate is it as it makes you stand out?”

“And what’s your point?”

I don’t want any of the other Agents ogling you okay.”

“Do I detect a hint of jealousy there Fox?”

“Too damn right, I hate watching other blokes eye you up.”

“Yeah well just remember it works two ways Lover.”

“Right come on move that cute backside or we’ll be late.”

“You will be late Fox, as for me I can take as long as I want.”

“Not if you’re coming with me.”

“Great point taken.”

Once we arrived back at the Hoover I realized that Fox had been right as usual, I really did stand out and would fit better as a convict.

“Fox can we go shopping at the weekend and maybe buy that suit?”

“Yeah that’s fine Babe, we can buy you some really decent clothes and some not so decent ones for at home.”

“That sounds rather kinky Fox.”

“What you have no objections to that?”

“Of course not, hell I can’t wait Lover.”

Fox left me back at the gym and I did really well, at least I hadn’t felt as bad as I expected. I was looking forward to the weekend, it would be good spending some quality time just the two of us. Most of the week progressed in the same way for me, I also knew that Fox was avoiding any cases that might call him away.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was working in the basement when I received the message, I was to go and see Skinner straight away. Since it was the end of the week I thought I’d be good, within five minutes I was knocking on his office door.

“Come in Agent Mulder.”

“I take it you want to see me Sir?”

“Yes I do, I take it you’ll be going home soon for the weekend with Alex?”

“Yeah Sir why is that a problem?”

“I need you back in early on Monday morning to go to a small town outside Baltimore, we’ve had some reports of U.F.O sightings in the area.”

“Yeah okay, is that everything Sir?”

“You might have to stay there a couple of days so pack a bag Agent Mulder.”

“I guess I’d better go and tell Alex, I just hope he’ll be okay on his own that’s all.”

“Alex is far better at coping than you think, the sooner he has his assessment you’ll realize that too.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“Agent Mulder I’m going against every F.B.I rule out there, take Alex out and buy him a suit.”

“I was already planning too Sir, at least that way he’ll look smart and fit in.”

“Agent Mulder bring him here Monday morning to my office, also make sure he’s wearing the suit and looks smart.”

“What for Sir?”

“Because I’m letting Alex go with you, at least that way you’ll know he’s safe. Also I’ll know that you might actually behave if you have him with you. Alex has proved that he’s still pretty active and good at solving clues.”

“So your actually letting me take him to work?”

“Unofficially Agent Mulder, if anyone asks just make something up. I want no comebacks whatsoever on this so behave yourselves.”

“We will and thanks for this Sir, it will mean a lot having Alex with me.”

“Yeah I know, I’ll also be expecting great results with the pair of you out there.”

“Very well, I’ll come and report to you Monday morning with Alex.”

“Okay Monday Morning Agent Mulder.”

I went back down into the basement, I had one or two things to do before I left for the weekend. I grabbed the photo of Alex from his bureau days, I then head towards the printer room and soon had everything done. All I had to do now was call at the lost property department. Once I was totally finished I went in search of Alex, only when I reached the gym Alex was nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey Steve where’s Alex?”

“He went to the shooting gallery, he did a really good workout today.”

“Yeah he seems to be coming on rather well.”

I left there to go and check the shooting range, hopefully Alex would still be there.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was really pleased with how well my target practice was coming on, I guess old habits die hard and my previous jobs would have helped. I was pulling the target back in, suddenly I felt some arms go around me and then Fox kissed me.

“Hey Alex are you okay Babe?”

“Fox you really shouldn’t creep up on someone with a gun.”

“Yeah sorry, I just saw you there and you know….”

“Yeah Fox I know what you mean.”

“It feels like ages since we’ve had some time together Alex.”

“What without been exhausted you mean?”

“Yeah come on let’s get out of here, all I want to do is go home with you.”

“Yeah thank God it’s the weekend Fox.”

I followed Fox into the garage and to his car, maybe I’d need to look into a few things for myself, I was starting to wonder if maybe I could invest in a better arm one day.

“Hey Alex you’re miles away again.”

“I was just thinking Fox.”

“About good things I hope.”

“One week Fox and I’ll get a full health report, physically and mentally.”

“You’re not worried are you Alex?”

“Yeah Fox I’m worried, I’m scared that something’s still wrong with me.”

“Alex just try not to worry about it as you do so well, especially compared to what could have happened.”

“You mean like me six foot under.”

“Alex I mean it, don’t go there.”

“Sorry I forgot it still upsets you.”

“Yeah well despite what you may think, I’m really happy with you and don’t want to think of it any other way.”

“Neither do I lover, it’s still just so different from how we used to be together. The best thing you ever did Fox was kidnap me.”

“Maybe I might kidnap you for the weekend and make you my prisoner, I could just make love to you whenever I want.”

“Hey sounds good to me Fox, believe me I have no objections.”

“Don’t temp me Alex.”

“Hey I’m serious.”

It was then we finally arrived home, I was really looking forward to a weekend with just Fox. Once we we’re in the apartment I wanted a shower before anything else.

“Fox I’m off for a shower, do you fancy joining me Lover?”

“No I’d better not as I have things to do, I’ll get one later on Alex.”

“Yeah okay then.”

I decided to run a hot bath so I could relax in the hot water, it felt so good on my aching muscles. Maybe I could talk Fox out of clothes shopping, we could just spend the whole weekend in bed together instead.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well lost property had proved useful, I’d managed to get an extra set of cuffs for Alex. The plan was to just claim he was an F.B.I Agent and my partner, I just thought the cuffs and stuff would make it look more realistic. 

I’d planned to keep it a secret until Monday morning, at least we’d already planned to go shopping and buy the suit, so that meant I didn’t have to think of an excuse for that. I’d also had a wallet and badge made for him using his old F.B.I credentials, I would also be letting him use my spare gun. No way was I going into the field with him unarmed, it would be for his safety along with my own.

By Monday morning I’d have Alex looking like a real Agent once more, no one would even question it including Skinner. However until then I was planning to have some fun, firstly I’d have to test the cuffs actually worked. I wouldn’t want to provide Alex with defective ones, it was far better just to test them out.

I hooked the cuff to the bedpost and left it there dangling, I planned to give Alex extreme pleasure before the night was out. I would take him to the limit before I’d let him come, he would feel every bit of what I did to him.   
I was somewhat worried though, would Alex trust me enough to let me keep him cuffed to the bed? Maybe it was just a stupid idea on my part, as look what happened last time I kidnapped him. 

Yeah great way to think Fox, I reduced him to a druggie that ended up in a fuckin coma. How the hell could I even expect him to trust me now? Maybe I should take it one step at a time and see how it went.

In some ways it would be a good test to see how this relationship was progressing, just to see if Alex was even able to trust me at all.   
I wanted and did trust him with my life, I was also willing to trust him with my life as my partner. I knew that Alex was worried about the tests and he’d worked so hard, at the end of the day he was a fighter through and through.

He could have given in so many times, yet somehow he’d always manged to bounce back. I loved Alex with all my heart, he was also still gorgeous despite the loss of his arm. I was glad that a part of him was how he was before the coma, he still had his charm and quick wit.

Alex had informed me that the Englishman had taken care of his medical issues, he’d also been provided with a few months’ worth of anti-depressants which appeared to be working. We’d had a few minor arguments but that was life and been part of a couple, everyone had good days and bad days, at least we had more of the good ones.

I stripped out of my suit and hung it up, I knew I’d have to make a trip to the drycleaners very soon. I grabbed a pair of boxers and a tee shirt, that way I might just manage some self-control myself. I didn’t want it to be over before it even got started, I’d be keeping that part of myself covered up for now.


	46. Chapter 46

I walked out of the bathroom and went to get dressed, it felt really good to be clean and relaxed once more. It was as I entered the bedroom that I was grabbed, suddenly I found myself shoved down onto the bed.

“Guess who?”

“Fox what the fuck are you doing?”

“Well fucking is what I’m planning to do in a bit.”

I had this sudden flash of a time in the past, I was cuffed to a bed while Fox drugged and raped me.

“Alex, hey are you okay. God I’m sorry, maybe it was too much way too soon.”

I saw something there in his eyes, yet this time I realized it was love and not hate.

“Fox has anyone ever told you….. Shit you talk way too much Lover.”

“I just want you to tell me if you have a problem with this, I can always end it if you want?”

I watched as he grabbed the cuff that was hung there, I knew that he was silently asking me for his trust. I loved him more than anything, I knew that if I couldn’t trust him now I never would. I willingly held out my arm to him, he than snapped the cuff shut restraining me.

“Hey just remember you started this Fox.”

“And what is your point Babe?”

“You’d better make it worthwhile Fox.”

“Oh baby don’t worry I’ll have you begging me to let you come, however it will have to wait a while as I need a quick shower.”

“Please tell me you're joking Fox…”

“No you want me to be nice and clean don’t you?”

“For fucks sake just hurry up then Fox.”

Great now I was left laid here staring at the ceiling, God this was totally boring and I was as horny as fuck. Fox had cuffed my only one arm and I lay here without the prosthetic one on. Not that I had to hide anymore in front of Fox, he’d accepted me as I was and loved me for who I am.

It’s strange to think I’m this happy, especially after how I’d behaved in life. I guess Fox saw a side of me I didn’t even see, the more that I thought about him the more I wanted him here with me. Well finally he decided to re appear.

“I was beginning to think you’d got lost.”

“How the hell could I do that with you waiting here for me Alex?”

“Yeah well you wasn’t joking when you said I was waiting.”

“Hey I wasn’t gone that long!”

“I’m not stupid Fox and I know why you were in there so long.”

“Enlighten me then Smarty pants.”

“Look at me Fox, you were jerking off wasn’t you?”

“Maybe!”

“Yeah right, you will have done it so you can make me go longer.”

“Don’t worry your time will come Babe.”

Fuck Fox suddenly ran his fingers along my cock making it hard, shit then the bastard pulled out a cock ring.”

“You really plan on making me suffer don’t you Fox?”

“Only for so long so don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll let you come eventually.”

“God I hope I don’t end up regretting this…”

“I promise right now that you won’t have any regrets Babe.”

Well I guess I’d have to hope that Fox kept his word.

XXXXXXXXXX

We had all night and no reason to get up early, it felt so good spending some quality time together. More than anything I just wanted Alex to relax and enjoy it, I started by kissing his neck and then occasionally biting and sucking it.

“God you’re so fuckin hot Alex, oh and I love those little noises you make when I touch you.”

I moved further down and started sucking his nipples into my mouth, I made sure I spent equal time on them as I moved from one to the other. He started moving around in pleasure as I bit his nipples, God I couldn’t help myself as I just wanted to bite and lick every bit of him. We’d been at this only five minutes and Alex was desperate, so much for me making him go a few hours.

“I’m going to make you come Alex, first I’ll insert my fingers deep inside your tight ass and then I’ll force them all the way in. Then I’m going to twist them around until I find what I’m looking for, however you won’t come until I say so. You’re nothing but a dirty little slut, my dirty little slut Babe.”

“Fox are you trying to kill me here?”

“Far from it Babe, however I’ll get back to where I was. After I hit your prostate I’ll pull my fingers out slowly, I then might just insert my tongue instead and fuck you with that. Tasting you Alex as I suck on your balls one by one.”

“Jesus Fox.”

I knew that Alex was getting really desperate now, maybe it was time for less talking and more action. I slowly pressed my finger against his tight entrance and could feel some resistance. I grabbed the lube that I’d put nearby, I then applied plenty of it to my fingers and his ass. It didn’t take long to have my finger deep inside him and it felt so good, that was soon followed after by a couple more.

“Is that good Alex, or would you rather it be my cock pumping in and out of your tight ass. Forcing you to scream with pleasure, as I go deeper and deeper hitting that special spot.”

“Shit I’m gonna end up coming even with that ring on, shit Fox please I really need to come Lover.”

“All in good time Babe.”

“Jesus torture or what!”

“It’s my pleasure Babe.”

I pulled my fingers out and jumped of the bed, I then slapped Alex hard on the backside.

“I won’t be gone too long, I’m just a bit hungry that’s all.”

“Fox don’t you dare walk out of that fucking door, shit I mean it.”

“I promise I’ll only be a couple of minutes.”

”Fuck move then and hurry up.”

I went into the kitchen to grab a couple of things, I then returned to a very desperate Alex.

“Did you miss me?”

“God yes of course I missed you Fox.”

“I just grabbed a couple of things for dinner.”

“Dare I ask?”

I bit into one of the strawberries, I then rubbed it along his lips before feeding him it. I then kissed him passionately tasting the strawberry along with his unique taste, I did it with a couple more before deciding to move lower down. I then took his cock deep in my mouth as I inserted a finger back in his ass.

Great I knew that I was becoming hard again already, so much for jerking off in the shower. I knew I’d end up having to take Alex sooner than planned, however I wasn’t prepared to end this just yet.

I was planning to keep Alex on the edge for a bit longer, it was way too soon to let him come just yet. I still had other plans anyway, I grabbed the canister of cream and removed the lid.

XXXXXXXXXX

God I’d never felt so turned on in my life, best was I’d only had his fingers inside me. Soon though I felt Fox insert something else inside me. I’d thought it was just his finger, however it felt really strange and I was unsure any more. I had no idea what it was but I could feel the pressure building in my ass, it was actually turning me one even more.

“Jesus Fox, what are you doing to me?”

“Do you like it Babe, do you want me to carry on or stop?”

“God yeah I like it so don’t stop.”

“Oh I’ve no intention of stopping believe me, you wait as I haven’t finished with you yet!”

Fox moved down the bed, holy shit I nearly jumped up off the bed. I could feel his tongue as he pushed it in and out of my ass, my cock was straining with the need to come.

“Fox I need to come.”

“Not yet, I’m sorry Babe but I haven’t finished with you yet.”

Fuck I was starting to moan even more now in desperation, I’d never have expected Fox to be kinky like this.

“God Lover I need to feel you inside me.”

Fox sat up and knelt over me, I knew I’d beg if it would make him let me come.

“God you’re so fuckin sexy Babe, even more so when you’re turned on and desperate.”

“Fox please!”

At this rate I’d end up having a heart attack, my heart literally felt like it would burst from my chest.

“I’m going to make love to you Babe, is that what you want Alex, to have me deep inside your ass?”

“Fox God yes you know I do, please I need you right now Lover.”

I felt as Fox entered me, God I loved him so much and he made me feel so complete. I couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks, I just hoped that Fox wouldn’t notice. He worked up a rhythm plunging in and out of me, I could feel his balls as they pressed up against my groin. It was then that Fox arched up and grabbed my nipples, shit he squeezed them really hard as he came.

“Fuck I’m exhausted now Babe, hey Alex you’re not crying are you? Shit I didn’t mean for it to push you over the edge.”

“I’m fine Fox really, I just get a bit emotional now and again.”

“Hang in there Babe, I promise that I’ll make it real good for you.”

Suddenly I felt his hot mouth wrap around my cock, I had to admit that it felt totally amazing. I couldn’t help myself anymore as I withered around on the bed, I swear he’d have to let me come soon or I’d explode at this rate. Fox pulled his mouth away and removed the cock ring, then he was soon back there again. Fox deep throated me a couple of times, then there was no holding back as I came in his mouth.

My whole body felt like it was on fire, I started to see stars and suddenly felt really light headed.

“Hey Alex.”

I remembered Fox talking to me, then there was only darkness.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck I’d been an idiot to push Alex that far, at times he appeared so normal I forget everything else.

“Alex come on talk to me, hey come on I need to know if you’re okay Babe?”

I tapped Alex gently on the cheek, finally I noticed his gorgeous thick eyelashes start to flutter as he opened his eyes.

“Hey you had me scared there for a moment, how are you feeling now Babe?”

“Jesus better than ever, we’ll have to do it a lot more Lover.”

“Shit I’d thought you passed out because something was wrong!”

“Fox I passed out because it was like an ultimate high, I’ve never in my life experienced anything like that.”

“So why were you crying Babe?”

“I was crying with happiness Fox, happy that I have you and we are together despite everything. Even so I’m really going to have to get some sleep soon.”

“Yeah me too, we have a busy day shopping tomorrow.”

“Fox I just want you to be aware that I still hate clothes shopping with a passion.”

“Alex I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.”

“Can’t you just go Fox and buy me some?”

“You’ll survive Babe so stop moaning.”

“Yeah true and at least I’ll have you with me Fox, God all I’ve bought lately is some jeans and I haven’t bought a suit since… oh it doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t worry about it Babe, I’ll help you buy a couple of really smart suits.”

“Thanks Fox, hell I’d be really lost without you.”

“You’re far stronger than you think Alex.”

“I’m only strong because I have you Fox, I couldn’t have done all this on my own.”

“I’m not going anywhere Alex, well apart from to sleep that is.”

“Yeah me too, hey I just had a thought Fox.”

“What’s that?”

You’re not picking my ties for me are you?”

“Why do you have a problem with my choice of ties?”

“You’re as colour blind as hell Fox.”

“Fine if it makes you happy you can pick the damn ties then.”

“Deal I pick the ties and I’ll let you pick the suits Lover.”

“Yeah okay get some sleep, I want to make an early start in the morning.”

“Slave driver.”

I slapped Alex on the backside before giving him a kiss on the lips.

“Sleep otherwise I might get ideas again.”

“What do you mean? Tomorrow it’s my turn Fox.”

“Your turn for what?”

“My turn to tease you and make you wait.”

“Why am I starting to have a bad feeling about this, I bet you’re planning to take great pleasure out of doing it too.”

“You bet I am, so you might want to think about getting some sleep lover.”

“Alex what are you planning?”

“Don’t worry as I know exactly what I’ll do with you Fox.”

“Well I guess I’ll find out soon enough won’t I?”

Great now I fell asleep wondering just what Alex had planned for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Morning soon came around again, however today I felt more alive and refreshed than I had in a long time.

“Hey Lover it’s morning.”

“Yeah and you sound so happy about it for a change,”

“You stay in bed Lover, I’ll go make us some coffee then we can have a shower.”

“Yeah okay Alex.”

Fox remained in bed while I went and made two mugs of coffee, soon I was sat back on the bed with Fox,

“So what’s today’s agenda Fox?”

“After the coffee we can shower then go out, I thought we could get the shopping over with early.”

“Yeah sounds good as I have plans for you later on Lover, I thought we could have a night out and maybe see a movie or something.”

“Yeah we could do, so do you have anything else planned I should know about?”

“Not at the moment Fox, I’ll have to keep a couple of surprises for later on.”

“Will I like it?”

“Fox shut up, I think it’s time we had that shower.”

I finally managed to get Fox to take a shower by himself, I would grab a shower while he shaved and dressed. I knew that he was getting rather anxious regarding my plans, hell I couldn’t do too much could I if we were going clothes shopping.

Finally we went back into the bedroom to get dressed, Fox didn’t seem impressed by the clothes I’d got out for him.

“Alex where are my jeans?”

“I thought you’d look smarter in your pants.”

“I dress in them every day for work Alex, I don’t really want to wear them on my day off.”

“You’ll see it my way soon enough Lover.”

“Alex what are you up to?”

I pushed Fox down onto the bed and kissed him, soon I found his semi erect cock and started playing with it until it was hard.

“Is this for me Lover?”

“God yes it’s for you Alex, I need to come Babe.”

“I have something for you Lover.”

I whipped the cock ring on Fox before he even realized, or could object.

“Alex I thought we were meant to be going out?”

“We are Lover, hold on though as I have another present for you.”

“Great I can’t wait.”

“Shut up Fox and roll over.”

I applied some lube to my fingers and inserted them into his tight body, once I had him stretched I inserted the butt plug.

“Alex what are you doing?”

“Get dressed Lover, I told you that you wouldn’t want jeans today.”

“Alex there’s no way in hell I’m going out like this.”

“Oh but you are Fox.”

“You can’t be serious, shit Alex I’m willing to do anything inside here but not out there.”

“I’m very serious so move and get dressed, come on we haven’t got all day.”

“Alex please.”

“Fox do you trust me?”

“You know that I do Alex.”

“Do as you’re told then and get dressed.”

I watched as a very sulky Fox got dressed, I’m so glad that looks couldn’t kill or I’d be history now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I really couldn’t believe that Alex expected me to go out like this, was this just a game or his way of testing my trust in him. Alex tried to deny it most of the time, however I knew he was a very emotional person at times. One wrong word or action could set him off, yet I had to remember that he’d given me his full trust last night despite last time I’d cuffed him.

The time I’d cuffed Alex so I could rape and abuse him, I think I owed him this plus far more for what I’d done to him. Now I had to just hope I didn’t bump into someone I knew, that or make a total spectacle of myself. Mind you Scully would say I always made an ass of myself, maybe she was right to a certain extent.

“Fine I’ll go and get dressed, but you’d better not take forever in the clothes store.”

“I promise that I’ll be good Fox.”

“Why do I seriously doubt that, come on let’s go and get this over with.”

I drove to the closest shopping arcade and located a men’s clothing store, my main goal was to get this over with as fast as possible.

“Come on Alex we’ll pick some suits out first.”

“Yeah I’ll need to look at a few to get it right, this might take some time.”

“Alex seriously you don’t want to push your luck, we’re not spending more than ten minutes in here.”

“Fox you can’t expect me to try one on in that time.”

“Fine just do it as fast as you can then.”

I’d grabbed a jacket that covered my erection, but hell I must be still walking like I’d shit myself. Alex on the other hand was taking great pleasure in making me suffer, oh how I’d get my own back sooner or later.

“Alex colour.”

“What?”

“What colour do you want?”

“I don’t know, come on let’s look at those over there.”

Alex led me over to a rack of suits, he then pulled a dark blue one off the rack. I saw the green one that matched his eyes, also there was a nice cream one.

“Right just pick one for me to try on.”

“Alex try the green one on.”

 “You’ll have to come with me and tell me what you think.”

Great why did I have a bad feeling about this, yet I found myself following him into the changing rooms. The man was gorgeous despite the loss of his arm, he still also managed to do so much without it. I watched him as he pulled off his jeans, by the time he had the suit on he looked amazing.

“You okay Fox?”

“Yeah I’m okay.”

“So what do you think Fox, does it look smart enough?”

“Jesus Alex you look gorgeous in that one, I think I’m getting harder here if that’s possible.”

Once Alex knew it was the right size he removed it, he then knelt down on the floor in front of me. Shit it was then that I realized what he was doing, within seconds he had my zip down and my pants unfastened.

“Shit Alex stop you can’t do that in here.”

He was insane as the changing rooms had no sound proofing, also there were lots of other customers going in and out.


	47. Chapter 47

  
Well I’d warned Fox that I hated clothes shopping, so now I planned to have a little fun and tease him.

“I’m just checking that you’re okay Lover.”

I leant forward and fully engulfed his cock, I then just started sucking away at it and prayed the cock ring would actually work. I kept it up for at least a good five minutes, I then struggled to force his erection back in his pants.

“I swear to god you’d better not be serious!”

“Why didn’t you enjoy it?”

I leant forward and just casually pulled his zip back up.

“Come on Lover we have shopping to do, I still need some shirts and ties too.”

“You really are just going to leave me like this?”

“Yes Lover so stop moaning.”

I went back over to the suit isle, Fox followed me and looked totally pissed off now.

“Which colour do you prefer Fox?”

“Alex just buy all three, then make it quick and get some shirts too.”

I went over to the shirts and selected three, Fox would have to wait as I still needed some ties. I knew that Fox wanted to get out of here, believe me that was good in some ways. His colour choice of ties was despicable to say the least, but at least he wasn’t in the mood to argue.

“Jesus you must have finished by now Alex.”

“Yeah I’ve finished in this store, now I just need some jeans and tee shirts.”

“Alex please let’s just do that another day.”

“I really need some new jeans.”

“Fine you go, I’ll stay here and wait in the car for you.”

“You’ll do no such thing.”

I lay the bags on the back seat, at least I’d noticed that there was also a jeans store here too... I dragged Fox along with me inside, I then just grabbed a few white tee shirts and some black jeans.

“Come on Fox I’ll need to try the jeans on.”

“I’m not sitting down Alex, I’ll just stand here while you try them on.”

“Fine have it your own way Fox.”

I tried the jeans on and they were a perfect fit, I then sat down and pulled them back off. I couldn’t but help notice that Fox was watching me, as I went to grab my own jeans I grabbed Fox instead.

“Alex oh Jesus Christ.”

I knew the butt plug was pressing against his prostate, yet I forced him to stay on my knee as I whispered in his ear.

“You’re a gorgeous slut Fox, tonight I plan to fuck your ass so hard until you come.”

“Fuck tonight, God Alex I need to come now.”

“Sorry Lover but later will have to do.”

“Alex please, fuck I need to take this ring off now.”

I pushed Fox up and slapped his backside, I got a very sensual moan in reply.

“The ring stays on Fox, come on let's go and pay now shall we?”

I also made Fox wait while I grabbed some shoes, I now believed that I had everything I’d come to buy. It was time to get out of here now, I still had lots of plans for Fox before the day ended.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was getting really desperate by the time Alex finished, all I wanted was to go home now and jerk off.

“Alex can we please just go home…”

“Not yet Lover.”

“Why what do you want to do now Alex?”

“I thought we could go and watch a movie together Fox.”

“Great I don’t have a choice do I?”

“No Fox you don’t.”

“So what do you want to do Alex, a drive through or the cinema?”

“We can go to the cinema, it will be like a proper date Fox for a change.”

I knew Alex was trying to make out he was deprived, that way he knew I wouldn’t refuse him. Yet here I was becoming far more distressed by the minute, yet Alex seemed highly amused by my current state.

“So what do you fancy seeing then Fox?”

I’d been miles away when Alex had spoken to me, shit what did he seriously expect me to say to him.

“Alex I don’t give a shit what we go and see, it’s you that wants to watch a fuckin movie.”

“Someone’s a bit miserable.”

“Alex what the fuck do you expect?”

“Fine we can go home then.”

“No I’m fine with you torturing me.”

“Really Fox?”

“Whatever.”

I totally ignored Alex as I found the nearest cinema, I wasn’t about to let him win no matter how much I suffered. I pulled into the carpark and got out, I never even spoke to Alex and he was left to just follow.

“So what’s it to be Fox?”

“I don’t care.”

I just stood there as Alex looked through the movies, it was then that I knew he was taking the piss. I’d swear that he chose the longest movie that was showing, trust me to pick a cinema that also showed old films.

“Can I have two tickets to close encounters of the third kind?”

“Alex are you serious?”

“Very.”

We found two seats right at the back, let’s just say that I was glad the place was pretty empty.

“You’re really enjoying yourself aren’t you Alex?”

“Fox I’ll end this right now if that’s what you want, shit I love you Fox and don’t want it to become totally unbearable?”

“I’m fine and I can handle it, but you’d better make it up to me later Babe.”

“Oh don’t worry I intend to Fox.”

When the cinema became dark I felt Alex’s hand, shit he was slowly undoing my pants. Fuck I couldn’t control my breathing as he stroked my painful erection, talk about playing dirty.

“Alex you can’t do that here as someone might see!”

“So what if they do Lover, I’m sure we’re both consenting adults?”

“I’m an F.B.I Agent Alex, that’s what.”

“Live a little Lover.”

I lost all reason as his mouth engulfed my throbbing organ, it didn’t take him long to work up a rhythm. I was struggling so hard to remain silent, however I knew that it was a losing battle.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fox was turn on, I knew that he was fighting to remain quiet and I wasn’t helping matters. I stepped up the pace a bit as I deep throated him, it was then that I decided to remove the cock ring.

“Yes Jesus thank fuck Alex, God I love you Babe.”

I just carried on as Fox maned and shouted out loud, it wasn’t’ long before I had him coming in my mouth. As I licked him clean I knew half the cinema had heard him, I sat back up and re fastened his pants. Shit I soon realized that Fox had passed out, shit and everyone in the cinema was staring at me.

Great so now I was the one left looking like an idiot, it was lucky I was past caring what they thought. I quietly apologized and said he had some mental issues, everyone just went back to watching the film again. 

I didn’t regret what I’d done at all, maybe that’s what happens when you come close to dying. Soon I could hear Fox gently snoring, well I guess he deserved a rest after what I’d put him through today. 

I just sat in the darkness and would watch the movie, I’d wake Fox up later when it was over. It turned out I never had to wake him up, Fox woke about ten minutes before the film ended.

“Hey how are you feeling Lover?”

“Shit I feel exhausted, you wiped me out Babe.”

“Do you regret what I did, or was it worth it Fox?”

“Jesus I’m surprised that you even had to ask Alex, it was worth the wait Babe. Every nerve in my body was tingling and on fire, shit Alex that was the most mind blowing orgasm I’ve ever had.”

“Hey as long as you’re happy lover.”

“Far more than happy, Jesus Alex I’m ecstatic Babe.”

“I think it’s time we went home Lover don’t you, we’ve been out for hours now?”

“Yeah true, have you any idea what time it is?”

“It’s seven Fox and a bit late to cook now, we might as well call at a drive thru if you want?”

“Yeah then call it a day, I think you’ve totally exhausted me now.”

“Hey I haven’t finished with you yet Lover.”

“Okay what do you mean by that Alex?”

“You’ll find out later on Lover.”

The lights came on as the credits rolled, it was then that I noticed the strange looks I was getting.

“Shit you’re going to tell me that they heard everything?”

“Yeah Fox, but its okay as I explained everything Lover.”

“Why does that worry me Alex?”

“It’s okay I just told them that you had severe mental problems.”

The look on Fox’s face was priceless when I told him what I’d said.

XXXXXXXXXX

“You didn’t really did you Alex?”

“Yeah so come on let’s get out of here.” 

We both left and I drove to a drive thru, well I planned to remain in the car to eat anyway as I’d been embarrassed enough for now.

“What do you want Alex.”

“A burger and shake will do Fox.”

I placed the order and parked up, I was lost in thought and just watched Alex as he ate. It still amazed me how much he could still smile despite everything, he always wanted to please me no matter what. I was still looking forward to Monday morning, it would be good to have Alex as my partner in more ways than one.

“Hey Fox are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah I couldn’t be better, how about you Babe?”

“Tired that’s all, I think I’ll need an early night Fox.”

“Yeah me too Babe, come on let’s go home.”

I knew that it’d been a really long day for Alex, once we were home I decided to run a nice warm bath. I bent over and then felt Alex behind me, shit he was already naked and pulling my pants down.

“Alex you need some rest Babe.”

“I’m fine Lover.”

Alex pulled my pants and underwear fully down, shit it was then that he pressed his finger slightly into my ass. How the fuck could I have forgotten about the butt plug, however it was right then he pressed it against my prostate.

“Jesus Alex.”

“I told you I wasn’t finished with you yet.”

My cock soon became fully erect from the attention, shit that was when Alex slipped the cock ring back on me, I was really too tired to remain this way again for hours.

“Alex please.”

“Shush it's okay lover, I promise you that this won’t take long at all.”

I felt him slide the butt plug out and replace it with his own hard erection, my own cock was pressed against the bath as Alex plunged in and out of me. Shit I realized he was perhaps finding it hard with only one arm, not that it stopped him though.

“Jesus Fox you’re fuckin gorgeous.”

“You would say that Alex.”

“I’m going to come Lover, God I’ve struggled all day believe me.”

“Hey me too Babe.”

Alex started working at a faster pace and I knew he was close, his breathing had become real heavy now and I wanted to come too. It was then that Alex reached around and removed the ring.

“Come for me Lover.”

Alex came hitting my prostate as he did so, he pushed me over the edge and I also came hard. God now I was totally wiped out, my body had been pushed to the limit today. Yet I’d do it again if it felt this good, I’d just need to get plenty of sleep first.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Fox you can pull the plug, I don’t care how dirty I am as I’m off to bed.”

“Fine we can just get a shower in the morning then.”

I went to lay down while Fox emptied the bath, the next thing I knew it was morning. I woke to find Fox still asleep beside me, I got out of bed and quietly went to make breakfast. I returned to the bedroom about half an hour later, believe it or not Fox was still fast asleep

“Come on Fox it's ten o’clock, I’ve brought you some breakfast Lover.”

“So what have you brought, I hope it's coffee Babe?”

“Yeah just some coffee and toast.”

“Well I most certainly need the coffee, shit I think I’m getting way too old for all this.”

“You’re far from old Fox, I also think you proved that last night.”

I sat on the bed and drank the coffee, I wasn’t really that hungry at the moment.

“So Fox what’s the plan for today?”

“To stay in bed all day.”

“That sounds good Lover.”

“Believe me it’s what I want to do, however I have to be at work by eight in the morning. Skinner said I was to be in his office at that time, I guess I’ll be setting the alarm for six again.”

“So we have about twelve hours until bedtime, we could have a lot of fun in that time Lover.”

“Very tempting however I need to sort my clothes out, also I need to clean my gun along with my spare one.”

“Yeah okay, I might just go to the gym if that’s okay?”

“Alex you’re coming with me anyway.”

”Yeah I know as I just said I was.”

“I meant to see Skinner. He said to be in his office at eight with you.”

“”Why does he want me there?”

“I don’t know, oh he did say that you had to be in a suit and look smart.”

“Great he won’t want me hanging out there looking scruffy, I could give the bureau a bad name if I hadn’t already.”

“That’s not funny Alex, look go and get a shower then we’ll get everything ready.”

“Are you joining me in the shower Lover?”

“Yeah why not Babe.”

Soon we were both in the warm shower, Fox started washing me gently before he did my hair. It felt so relaxing as he massaged my neck and shoulders too. We were both still too tired to do much, we spent the day getting everything ready for Monday morning. 

The day was spent pretty much in front of the Television before we had an early night. Once we were in bed Fox lay there and held me in his arms, I felt so loved and wanted by him but I refused to get emotional and cry.

“Alex you know that no matter what happens, I will love you and will always watch your back?”

“Yeah likewise Lover.”

I take it that I wasn’t the only one to be emotional at the moment, Fox seemed in a very strange mood tonight for some reason.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesus even after all this time Alex could still be insecure, it was also at the back of my mind how he always ran in the past. I knew he still struggled somewhat, I guess it was hard at times making him understand how much he was wanted. I’d never forget the time I’d turned up at the hospital to find him gone, to be honest I think it was worse now and I didn’t want a life without him.

I fell asleep hoping Alex really understood how I felt, also I was thinking of ways that I could keep him busy, Soon the alarm was going off, great it was Monday morning and time to get up already. At least I didn’t have to say goodbye to Alex today, at least I would be taking him away with me.

“Hey Alex come on wake up Babe, don’t forget you’re coming with me today.”

“Fox how could I forget, it’s six in the morning and you’re waking me up.”

“Come on grumpy just get up.”

I watched his cute ass when he got out of bed, he could go for a shower while I made some coffee. When he returned he was wearing just a towel, the man was gorgeous and he was mine.

“Coffee’s there Babe, I’m just going to grab a quick shower, do you want any help at all?”

“Yeah getting dressed, it’s mainly the shirt and tie I’m unsure about.”

“Fine I won’t be long then I’ll give you a hand.”

I tried to get a shower in record time today, I didn’t want Alex to start panicking over some bloody clothes. I walked out of the bathroom and got a surprise, Alex stood there with his shirt on and buttoned up.

“Hey you’ve done it Babe.”

“I just put it over the fake arm first, it was easy then to button it one handed.”

“What about the tie?”

“No I’ll need your help with that if you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind, I’ll just quickly get dressed first Babe.”

I got dressed and ready. Then it was time to get Alex finished too.

“Jesus Alex you look gorgeous Babe.”

“Hey I’m not allowed to look like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said that you didn’t want anyone looking at me, which was why you wanted me to wear a suit.”

  
“Look I’ve changed my mind okay, you look gorgeous no matter what you wear.”

“Yeah whatever Fox.”

I knew that Alex didn’t believe me so I let it drop, soon he was fully ready and looking really smart.

“Do you think it’s time to see if you pass with Skinner, as he’s far worse than me?”

“Yeah fine let’s go Fox, shit I feel really nervous right now.”

“You’ll be fine Alex and at least I’ll be there with you.”

“Yeah true Lover.”

It was time to get the car and go to work, time to see how Alex would react to the news.


	48. Chapter 48

We arrived at the Hoover and I felt really nervous now, I was worried that Skinner would stop me from using the facilities. Not that it took long to reach his office, yet it felt really strange been here once more in a suit. 

I guess that Fox was right and I did blend in better in a suit, the leather jacket must have stood out quite a bit. I followed Fox and waited as he knocked, it was then that I heard Skinners loud voice,

“Good morning, please come in and take a seat.”

“Morning Sir.”

“I have to admit that I’m surprised, it’s not like you Agent Mulder to be so punctual.”

“Are you complaining Sir? I can always leave and come back later if you want?”

“Don’t be a wise ass Agent Mulder, right it’s time to get down to business.”

“Very well Sir.”

“I need you Agent Mulder to go out of town, I’ll give you the file to read in a minute. It appears to be some sort of witchcraft and they’d like your expertise on it.”

Great I was sat here listening, yet deep down I felt sick at the thought of him leaving on a case.

“Alex don’t look so worried.”

“Sir.”

“Respect I like that, you referred to me as Sir despite you don’t have to. More than I can say for Agent Mulder here, I take it that you’re aware of Agent Scully departure?”

“Yes Sir, Fox told me she was returning to Quantico.”

“Yes that’s correct, however Agent Mulder here’s a liability if he works alone.”

“Yeah I can imagine that Sir.”

“I wanted you here to see how smart you could look, it’s just you’ll unofficially be accompanying Agent Mulder on his case.”

“What working away with him?”

“Yes Alex, I can’t legally give you your badge back. However Agent Mulder did tell me how it was you who solved his case, well it proves you still have a good head on your shoulders Alex.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“I take it that you’re willing to go with Agent Mulder then.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Agent Mulder will sort you out with a cover story, he can also sort out your credentials.”

“Very well and thank you Sir.”

“Right you can both get moving now, you will find the file on your desk Agent Mulder.”

As soon as Fox finished talking we went to the basement, Fox then turned around and passionately kissed me.

“Hey you’re working Fox so behave yourself.”

“Alex you are unofficially working for Skinner, yet out in the field everyone will believe you're my partner Agent Krycek.”

“You mean it Fox?”

“Yeah, hey are you okay Babe?”

Shit I was feeling really emotional now, it felt like I’d gone back in time and had another chance.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt for Alex as I knew this must be hard on him, I had every intention of treating him like my real partner in every respect.

“I have a couple of things for you Alex.”

“Such as?”

“Just remove your jacket for me Babe and I’ll show you.”

I watched as Alex pulled the jacket off, he then went and hung it over my chair. He seemed a bit wary as I went towards him, which was something he really had to stop doing. I fastened the gun holster to his body and then pulled him towards me, I then hugged him tightly.

“Alex Babe try not to be so nervous around me, I’m not going to hurt you or do anything bad to you.”

“I know Fox and I think a lot of it is just habit, believe me Fox I’m sorry the last thing I want to do is upset you.”

“Hey I’m not upset, come on just put the gun in the holster. It’s fully cleaned and loaded just in case, you never know when you might need to use it.”

“Fox I’m not licensed to carry it.”

“I don’t care Alex while you’re working with me, I’ll watch your back and I expect the same in return.”

“I’ll always watch your back Lover.”

“I know you will Alex, here there’s also a set of cuffs too which I tested on you at the weekend.”

“How could I forget?”

“There’s just one more thing and then you’ll be sorted Babe.”

“What’s that?”

I went over to my desk and retrieved something, I then turned and handed it to Alex. I watched as the tears flowed, I’d known it was only a matter of time before he gave in.

“Fox it looks so real!”

Alex stood there staring at the wallet and badge, also at the photo of himself.

“I pulled your photo out of records, it’s from when you worked here as my partner. I had someone who I trust to put it in the wallet, so in every sense it will appear official because it is a real badge.”

“You went to all that trouble for me!”

“Alex you’re unofficially coming with me, I’ll protect you no matter what. At the end of the day your my official partner away from work, I don’t want to lose you because you weren’t prepared.”

“It feels just like before Fox.”

“I know that it must be hard for you Alex, hell you lost so much because of Spender.”

“Yeah well we have the future to look forward to now Fox.”

“Come on then, we can requisition a car and get out of here. Might as well just leave my car here, that way if anything happens it’s the bureau car.”

“Yeah true, so where are we going anyway Fox?”

“Baltimore apparently, I think we’ll be away at least a couple of nights.”

“Fox I haven’t brought anything with me.”

“Don’t worry I packed a bag for both of us.”

“Yeah okay as long as I’m back by Friday.”

“Don’t worry you will be Babe no matter what happens.”

I knew that the trip to the hospital was important and I planned to make sure Alex was there.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was pleased that Fox had remembered Friday, I knew I had to have the tests done to see how well I was doing. It was to be a full health check mentally and physically, I wasn’t looking forward to it as I was scared of the results. I was just hoping that I didn’t have to stay there overnight, things were going so well between myself and Fox at the moment. 

Soon we had requisitioned a car and was on our way, Fox drove while I read the file on the drive there. I became totally engrossed in the file, I hadn’t even realized that Fox had stopped the car.

“Coffee break Alex, also I need to stretch my legs too.”

“Yeah okay, it’s a shame that we can’t take it in turns driving Fox.”

“We will have to see what they say at your medical Alex, maybe you could drive an automatic or something?”

“Yeah who knows, I guess time will tell Fox.”

“So how’s the file going, is there anything interesting in it at all?”

“Some sort of cult according to the locals, people have been heard out in the woods chanting and having rituals.”

“So are we looking at witches then?”

“Some of the reports claim they were witches, while others say that they’re Devil worshipers.”

“Great start then.”

“One woman claims she saw a group of people out there, apparently they all wore robes and were going to sacrifice someone. She states that she heard them talking about a blood sacrifice, as that was the only way that Satan himself would appear.”

“So did she get to see Satan then?”

“No apparently she ran off scared, she thought they might decide to use her as a sacrifice.”

“Great I can see we’re going to have fun talking to her, was she the only witness?”

“No there was also one other witness, some young man who claims he managed to escape from them.”

“So how did he manage that?”

“I’ve no idea, but he claims that he was actually the one they were going to sacrifice at the altar.”

“But he somehow escaped?”

“Yeah he said that he’d heard rumors about what they did, they would sacrifice some young male or female.”

“I take it they weren’t fussy then?”

“No apparently they raped the victim then cut their head off with an axe, the blood would be collected and used to summon Satan.”

“I guess we’ll have to check out the woods ourselves then.”

“Yeah Fox it looks that way.”

We drank our coffee and got back on the road, soon we’d be at our destination and would see for ourselves.

“Alex can you check out all the motels in the area, I want the one that’s the closest to the woods?”

“Yeah it’s the Red dragon motel.”

“Sounds great.”

I would just be glad to get out of this car, I was also extremely grateful to be here with Fox.

XXXXXXXXXX

As we reached the motel I could tell that Alex was tired, hell even I was tired now after driving here. We would both need a sleep if we were going out later on, I’d just have to decide how we were going to do this. There was no way we’d do it all in one day, it would either be the witnesses or the woods.

“Alex help me out here, how tired are you Babe so I can make some plans?”

“I’m easy Lover.”

“Alex I asked you if you were tired, I already know how easy you are Babe.”

“Very funny, maybe we should have a stroll in the woods later first.”

“Yeah a good night’s sleep after the woods, then we can question everyone in the morning if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah that sounds good, come on Fox we’d better get booked in.”

We entered the motel to find it rather quiet, I rang the bell at the desk and waited.

“Hi can I have a double room for a couple of nights.”

“Yeah do you want a double or twin room Sir?”

“A twin one I guess.”

“Fine I have one left its room sixteen, are you here to take in the sights gentleman?”

“No we’re both F.B.I Agents, we are here on official business.”

We went in search of our room, it turned out to be a generic room with two single beds and a small television. Once inside the room I locked the door behind us both, we might as well grab a couple of hours sleep.

“So which bed do you want Babe?”

“I don’t think it matters do you Fox?”

“Yeah it matters, I want to know which bed I’ll be sharing with you Alex.”

“Really Fox?”

“Shit you didn’t think I was going to sleep alone did you? Not with you here in the same room as me.”

“Good as I wasn’t looking forward to it.”

“We’d better get a couple of hours before nightfall, then we can have a quick look around Babe.”

I was glad to get into the bed, it was still early but I felt exhausted now.

“Come and lay with me Babe.”

“Fox are you really that tired?”

“Alex what do you expect, you spent all weekend torturing me Babe.”

“Admit it Fox that you liked it and it was worth the suffering?”

“Yeah okay it’s true, you turned out to be a right kinky bastard.”

“Fox can I ask you a serious question?”

“Of course you can Babe, you can ask me anything you want whenever you want Alex.”

“Do you ever regret this you know…. Oh it doesn’t matter Fox.”

“Alex don’t shut me out.”

“It doesn’t matter Fox it’s just me been stupid as usual.”

I guess I was having one of those insecure moments, I knew it was stupid but I couldn’t help it. Shit suddenly Fox was up and had me pinned down on the bed, I knew it wasn’t anger that I saw in his face.

“You think I don’t love you is that it, I’ll just have to draw my own conclusions unless you talk Alex.”

“Fine if it means you’ll drop it, I shouldn’t have brought it up as it’s not important.”

“Come on then tell me…”

“I was going to ask you if you regretted this?”

“What coming out here with you?”

“No not just that Fox, I meant all of it?”

“Jesus Christ Alex of course I don’t regret this, I have some regrets but that doesn’t matter right now. I don’t think you realize just how much you mean to me Alex.”

“So what do you regret then Fox?”

“I regret all the bad things that I can no longer change, I regret causing you so much pain in your life Alex.”

“I don’t want you to have regrets Fox, but I know you and you’ll always have them.”

“You must still have regrets too and know what it’s like?”

“Hell yeah far too many to mention, I’ve done some really fucked up things in life Fox. I regret not telling you the truth sooner, I also regret running away from the clinic and leaving you.”

“Maybe you need to stop having regrets too Babe.”

“Yeah I think we both need to deal with the here and now, I just can’t imagine not having you in my life anymore.”

“Good because you’re stuck with me Alex.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way Lover.”

“Come on Babe we’d better get some sleep, we’ll need to be ready for our walk in the woods later on.”

I was struggling to keep my eyes open now, I really had to stop questioning everything as it made me tired.

“Thanks for bringing me here with you Fox, it really means a lot to me.”

“Hey I told you that I want you here, I know it’s unofficial but it’s good to have you here as my lover. Also as my work partner Agent Krycek, you can watch my back any day Babe.”

“Yeah that was one of the things I fucked up, I blew all of this to work for Spender.”

“Alex you need some sleep Babe.”

“Fox I need to get my life sorted out.”

“I thought you were already doing that?”

“I mean other things too, I just want you to know that I called the clinic earlier today.”

“Why is there something wrong Alex?”

“Nothing serious, I asked for some information regarding my arm that’s all.”

“Information like what?”

“I want their advice regarding a more up to date one, I’m stuck with a fake arm for life so I want one that does more.”

“That’s good Alex and would be beneficial to you, I’ll stand by you whatever you decide Babe.”

Shit I wondered if he’d feel the same way if I had to stay at the clinic, knowing Fox he’d have twenty four hour guards there to make sure I stayed put. Well I did just disappear on him last time I was there, all because I thought he’d be better off without me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex was insecure, I believed the arm would help him feel more complete and able to do things. I’d actually woke and surprised that we were both still in the bed, I thought one of us would have fallen out as it was only a single bed.

I lay there just watching Alex sleep, I’d noticed that he was asking a lot more questions lately about himself. He wanted the arm also he wanted to see about driving again, I just hoped that he was doing it for the right reasons.

I would want Alex to do it for himself, if he thought it would help him and give him confidence. The last thing I wanted was Alex doing it because of me, I loved and accepted him no matter what.

I noticed that he was starting to stir, shit at the sight of those gorgeous eyes I was starting to stir too. I really didn’t need to be thinking about that right now, we had a job to do here and hopefully catch a killer.

“Alex are you awake Babe, I just wondered if you were up for a walk in the woods now it's dark?”

“Yeah why not, shit I can’t go into the woods in my suit.”

“Grab that bag Alex, you’ll find a couple of pairs of jeans and some tee shirts.”

“I suppose it’s a good thing it’s a warm night.”

“Yeah true, come on then let’s get changed Babe.”

“Fox I need a shower.”

”Alex you got a shower this morning, I’m sure you can wait until after we get back?”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“Alex chances are it’ll be dirty in the woods anyway.”

“Yeah I get the point Fox, just give me five minutes.”

I pulled on the jeans and tee shirt, I was glad that I’d lost some weight after been ill as the jeans just fit me.

“Fox I need to lose some weight.”

“No you don’t, Jesus Alex you’ve lost enough weight recently.”

“Well I’ve put on weight since Saturday as my jeans are already too tight.”

“Alex you’re far from overweight, come here Babe.”

I looked at the label inside the waistband to see why they only just fit, it was then that I realized why.

Great I looked up to realize he was sulking again, it was just as well I loved him as he was really hard work at times.

“Alex look at me, I grabbed the wrong jeans and that’s why they don’t fit. Look you’re gorgeous and perfect to me in every way.”

“Are you sure, I’ll lose weight if you think I need to Fox.”

“God no Alex I don’t want you to lose any weight, look we can just have sex more and you’ll remain toned up.”

“Okay you have a deal Lover so don’t tire yourself out, I might have plans for you later on Fox.”

“I can’t wait Babe.”

Sometimes I believed that I’d created a nymphomaniac, Alex always seemed to have a high sex drive. I had to wonder if he’d always been like that with past partners, suddenly I felt a strong stab of jealousy thinking of him with someone else. Fuck it, the best way would be to just ask him outright.

“Alex have you always had a high sex drive?”

Now I wondered if I was pushing my luck asking him that type of question.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great now I had to wonder what Fox was thinking about, well I suppose sex would be a good guess.

“Why do you ask that Fox?”

“I guess I was just wondering because of what we have together.”

“Fox it’s you that makes me like this, I haven’t really had any serious relationships.”

“Why Alex, you could have had anyone Babe with your looks?”

“I despised sex in the past, I guess it made me realize what power it had and what it made people capable of doing.”

Shit I realized too late just what I’d said, also the effect it would have on Fox.

“Fox please don’t look like that, with you it was different as I wanted you and had for years. I was talking about my Father and what he did to me, it was far worse than rape Fox. The man was my father and supposed to protect me and keep me safe, I was his own flesh and blood.”

“I’m so sorry that you had to suffer so much Babe, I guess we always think our parents will be there to protect us.”

“Fox it’s the past now, come on Lover let’s get out of here.”

We were literally only five minutes from the woods, I had to wonder just how many miles the woods covered in case I got lost.

“Fox have you got that map?”

“Yeah but its pitch black out here, hell even the torch won’t show that much up.”

“Fox just pass me the map and torch will you?”

“Yes Boss.”

I slapped Fox on the backside then grabbed the stuff, soon I’d managed to scan over the map.

“It appears that the woods are circular and have a diameter of ten miles, that’s a lot of trees Fox.”

“Great did it say anything in the file about a rough location? Otherwise we’ll end up out here for months.”

“No not anything really specific, it just says the witness knows the location.”

“I guess we’ll have to get one of them to show us tomorrow, are you up to taking a look while we’re here?”

“Yeah we might as well Lover.”

Great at this rate I’d be asking Fox if I could hold his hand, I could hear so many strange noises in the distance. Ha suddenly I felt Fox grab my hand and hold it tight, I guess all the noises were starting to get to him too.

“What’s the matter Fox are you scared?”

“Too right, why aren’t you scared Alex?”

“Yeah I’m shitting myself, Fox you had better have new batteries in that torch otherwise we’ve had it.”

“Alex do I look like someone who does that, when they run out I change them and it’s as simple as that.”

“Great we’d better not go too far then.”

“Yeah true, we’ll be okay as long as we stay together Babe.”

“Fox there could be wild animals out here!”

“Shit what was that?”

“I don’t fuckin know Fox.”

“I swear I saw something.”

“Yeah me too, Fox do you want to call it a day?”

“Yeah come on Alex let’s go back, shit there it is again.”

“It’s too big to be an animal unless they have bears out here, Fox shine the torch over there.”

I saw something in the distance, I held up my gun and aimed at it. As soon as the light hit it I fired, we then followed the light to see if I’d hit anything. I might be one handed but I was a good shot.


	49. Chapter 49

“Did you hit it Alex?”

“Yeah I’d swear that I hit something.”

When we followed the light I saw a small amount of blood, it looked like Alex was a better shot than I thought.

“Hey I see you’ve maintained your aim Babe, you may only have one arm but you might even be better than me.”

“So you trust me to watch your back then?”

“Always Alex, however I’ve had enough for tonight.”

“Yeah me too.”

We headed back towards the motel just as the torch flickered off, I was so glad to be back in our well lit room.

“Great and I’m supposed to be a fuckin F.B.I Agent and not a chicken.”

Fox you’d better get some new batteries tomorrow, actually skip that as I’ll do it myself.”

“Hey the batteries lasted so what more do you want?”

“What do I want? You in that bed naked would be good.”

I was really looking forward to holding Alex, I just hoped that we could manage in the small bed all night. I stripped out of my clothes and threw them on the chair, I then quickly got into bed.

“Come on Babe you can be my bad boyfriend for the night.”

“You want me to be bad do you?”

“Oh yeah, I want you to strip for me Babe.”

I watched as Alex slowly removed all of his clothes, he then purposely stretched in front of me.

“Anything else you want Lover?”

“Alex sit on the chair and pleasure yourself, I want to watch you come for me Babe.”

I watched as Alex threw my clothes off the chair on to the desk, he then sat down on the now empty chair. God I was hard just sitting here watching him, Alex took hold of his own cock and started jerking off. The moaning noises were really turning me on now, he then stopped and applied some of the pre cum to his fingers.

Fuck I had all on not to come right now, Alex slowly inserted his finger into his tight ass tormenting me. Oh god I imagined it was my own cock that was there, sliding in and out of that tight hole.

“Oh Jesus I need to come just imagining it’s you Fox, slipping in and out of me as you fuck me hard until I scream.”

“Alex don’t or I will come in a minute.”

“Is it too much for you Lover?”

Alex just carried on with what he was doing, he then pulled his finger out as I watched mesmerized. He then applied the pre cum to another one of his fingers, this time around he inserted both of them into that tight space.

“Are you turned on yet Lover, are you ready for me to come yet?”

“Fuck yes come for me Babe.”

“Do you want me to come all over you Fox?”

“God yes.”

With that Alex stood up and came over to the bed.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that Fox was so turned, well not just from me touching myself anyway. I did as he asked and went over to the bed, before I had a chance to do anything he grabbed me. Soon I found myself face down on the bed, I had to admit that I was turned on by the turn of events. Sometimes Fox wanted to be in control like now, while at the moment I wanted to be controlled by him.

“You’re a dirty little slut Alex.”

Jesus he was whispering in my ear as he went to enter me, I had to feel him inside me as I was going to come soon.

“Tell me what a slut you are Alex.”

“God I’m only your slut Fox okay.”

“Good keep it that way.”

With that Fox pushed into me hard, Jesus it felt amazing and I wanted to come so bad. However as I was only one handed there was nothing I could do, I couldn’t balance and jerk myself off.

Within minutes I felt Fox push his hand underneath me, he then grabbed my leaking cock.

“I’m going to come Alex, I want you to come for me now Babe.”

I was far too gone to answer him now, however I was soon moaning out loud as I came. I then felt Fox thrust once more before he came himself, I just collapsed on the bed exhausted.

“Hey are you okay Babe?”

“Yeah all I need is some sleep now.”

“Do you want me to go in the other bed Alex, or do you think you’ll have enough room with me here?”

“I want you to stay with me Fox, well that’s if you want to as well!”

“I’m fine Alex, I’ll be asleep within minutes anyway.”

“So you’re staying then?”

“God yeah I’m staying, that bed looks too far away anyway.”

“Wise ass.”

“Sleep Babe we have a busy day tomorrow.”

“Yeah true, did you set the alarm?”

“Yeah it’s set for seven, I think that we’ll need a shower first Babe and some breakfast.”

“Yeah I think we’re going to be stuck together come morning.”

Soon I heard Fox lightly snoring, something was bothering me and I couldn’t sleep no matter what. I knew that I was having doubts about tonight, I’d have sworn that I saw a man out there in the woods. I was also confident that it wasn’t just some small animal I’d shot either, maybe I’d have to ask if there were any bears around here.

Shit it was most probably me just punishing myself, I’d always thought that I wasn’t good enough and punished myself. Look how scared I’d been out there, well in all honesty Fox had also been scared out there too. I knew I’d have to go to sleep soon, otherwise I’d be of no use to myself or Fox come morning.

I finally fell into a very restless sleep, soon I was dreaming that I was getting chased through the woods.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex you look like shit Babe, did you actually get any sleep last night?”

“Yeah some, I’ll be fine when I’ve had a shower. How long have you been awake Fox?”

“Since the alarm went off two hours ago, I even went and got us some coffee Babe.”

“You’re so good to me Fox, I just can’t believe I slept through the alarm.”

“You go and get a shower Babe.”

I watched Alex as he went into the bathroom, I knew he was tired and that’s why I let him sleep in. I also know that he was really restless during the night, it was as if something was bothering him.

Alex was really intelligent and could sense when something was wrong, he would have made a damn good Agent.

I would have to keep an eye on him today, just to see how he coped with everything. Soon he was back in the room, I then helped him get dressed and ready. I then went and opened my bag, I soon found what I was looking for.

“Here Alex put this in your gun, that way you’ll still have a full round.”

“Don’t you need to report the discharge of a weapon Fox?”

“That’s my own gun and not F.B.I issue, I’d have to report it if there were a body and that’s about it.”

“Yeah okay then.”

I watched as Alex re loaded the gun and checked it over, I then made sure he had his cuffs and badge.

“Who are we going to see first Fox?”

“I thought we’d start with the woman.”

“Yeah come on then.”

I drove out to the woman’s cottage, apparently she only lived five minutes away from the motel. Had I known that we could have just walked over there, as we walked up the path I noticed the curtains twitching from inside. I went up to the door and rang the bell, we then just waited for someone to come. Finally I was met by a woman younger than the witness, oh well maybe it was just a typo. 

“Good morning I’m Agent Mulder and this is Agent Krycek, we’re here to speak with Mary Marshal.”

“She’s my Mother and I’m Sara Marshal, my mum told the local police everything that she knows.”

“It’s routine that we also talk to the witness.”

“Well I’m sorry but she doesn’t want to talk to you, so good day gentlemen.”

With that the daughter shut the door in our face, we were left stood there looking like idiots.

“Well that could have gone better Fox!”

“Yeah tell me about it, I guess we’ll have to go and try the other witness.”

We got back in the car and drove off, the other witness lived a fifteen minute drive from here. To be honest I’d be glad when this case was over, well like I said Alex would be at the hospital Friday no matter what.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well the next witness was the total opposite, he couldn’t stop talking and telling us what he saw.

“So Mr Taylor…”

“Please just call me Paul.”

“Very well Paul, can you explain to me in detail what happened?”

“I was in the woods walking, maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. They were already holding a ritual, believe me I’d have stopped them if I’d been able to.”

“How many of them where there?”

“About ten, I counted at least eight wearing masks and black gowns while they chanted. It was a different story with the other two, I noticed that they had a man naked over some makeshift altar.”

“What were the others doing, could you hear what they were saying at all?”

“One was also naked, he was about to rape the man and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop him.”

For some reason it was making me feel really sick listening to him, maybe it was just the thoughts of my own past. I tried to forget and pay attention as Fox questioned the man.

“It’s okay just take your time.”

“The other held an axe or something above the victim's neck, shit the other one just carried on raping him and then it got worse.”

“I know it’s hard but we really need your help on this.”

“Shit as he came he told the one with the axe to cut the victim's head off.”

“What did you do then?”

“I got the hell out of there as fast as I could.”

“Fine, how about you Agent Krycek, is there any questions you’d like to ask the witness?”

“Yeah just a couple, it must have been hard getting away with a limp Sir?”

“Yeah I was lucky that my car was near the woods, otherwise I doubt I’d have made it out alive.”

“Can I also just ask how you got the limp?”

“It was a jealous partner a couple of years ago, he threw a pen knife at me and it hit a nerve leaving me with the limp.”

“Thank you that’s all Sir.”

Shit I knew how that felt, in the past I’d cut my own arm and severed a nerve. Not that it mattered in the end as I lost the whole fuckin arm, shit I really had to get the hell out of here.

“Agent Mulder I’ll be in the car.”

“Are you okay Alex?”

“Yeah just don’t be too long.”

When Fox returned I was just sat there in the car, I had my head back and my eyes closed. It was then that I felt Fox’s hand on my forehead, great now Fox will think I’m pathetic.

“Hey are you okay Babe?”

“I’m fine Fox, I guess it was just thinking about how he got that limp.”

“That’ understandable Alex, you yourself have suffered nerve damage.”

“Yeah but mine was self-inflicted, so what’s next anyway?”

“He’s going to meet us tonight just before it’s dark, he’s going to show us where everything happened.”

“Fox I was just checking something out, it might not be important but I wanted to mention it. The day he said he was in the woods was a full moon.”

“I’ve no idea if it’s important or not Alex.”

“The only reason I mentioned it is because there’s another one, tomorrow it will be a full moon once more.”

Maybe it was nothing but my imagination, I’d had very little sleep and it was catching up with me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit if Alex was right it meant time was running out, all we could do was see if anything turned up later tonight.

“We might have to go out there tomorrow, maybe hide somewhere out of sight.”

“Yeah that’d be a good idea Fox.”

“Do you want to grab something to eat, or maybe just a drink Alex?”

“Yeah a double vodka sounds good.”

“Very funny, hey just a thought did you bring your meds?”

“Yeah Fox and I haven’t missed a single day so don’t worry.”

“Sorry I just don’t want you to become sick again.”

“Yeah I know it's fine Fox and I’m glad that you care about me, great I’ll just settle for a coffee then.”

We found a small diner and bought a couple of coffee’s I also bought a couple of burgers and fries. Alex was miles away when I returned to the table, I realized that my hunch was right and something was defiantly bothering Alex.

“Hey Alex I’ve got you some food too.”

“I’m not hungry Fox.”

“Alex if you don’t eat, well as senior Agent I’ll have to take you off the case.”

“Ha senior Agent, try the only Agent on the case.”

“Alex as far as I’m concerned you’re my partner on this case, don’t ever forget that.”

“Fine if you shut up I’ll eat it then.”

“Hey I only nag because I love you.”

“I know and I’m lucky to have you.”

“Yeah well eat up, then we can go back to back to the motel.”

“Yeah okay Fox.”

Alex’s silence was starting to get to me now, I wanted him here with me and didn’t want to upset him. However he really had to snap out of it before it got us killed, I wasn’t prepared to let that happen to either one of us.

We ate the food and returned to the motel, Alex then went to lay down complaining of a headache. I was starting to wonder if maybe this was a bad idea, shit he’d already suffered a brain injury in the past. Roll on Friday, that way I might get a better picture of how he was coping.

Alex slept for a few hours while I just re read the file, maybe his problem was just a lack of sleep from the previous night. He woke just before it was dark, at least he seemed in a far better mood now.

“You’d better get changed Alex, we’ve only got an hour before meeting the witness Paul.”

“Yeah I’m on it.”

“Alex how are you feeling Babe?”

“I’m fine Fox.”

“If you’re sure Alex.”

“Yeah I’ll just get a quick shower and get dressed.”

“Yeah okay take your time Babe.”

Once he was gone I found the pills and checked how many was left, well it appeared that Alex had been telling the truth. The packet had the correct amount in, Alex had not missed a single one since he got them.


	50. Chapter 50

I took a quick shower, I knew Fox was trying to help but it was making my headache worse. I was soon dressed back in my tee shirt and jeans, I’d done it all with ten minutes to spare. 

“Alex are you nearly ready Babe?”

“Yeah I’m coming now.”

“So what’s the plan Fox?”

“Like I said we’ll just go and have a look tonight and take it from there.”

We went to the front of the motel to find our star witness waiting, there was just something about the man that I didn’t like. Fox walked up ahead with him while I hung back, it was like Fox hadn’t even noticed anyway.

We finally reached the clearing, it was obvious the ground had been walked upon in a pattern. The pattern formed a circle around a makeshift altar, I walked over to check it out.

“I take it this is the place, could you please show us exactly where you were?”

“Yes of course I can Agent Krycek, I was hiding over there in that cluster of trees to your right.”

I walked over and shone the torch over the makeshift altar, there were dark patches upon the rock and the ground.

“Alex have you found something?”

“Possibly, it might be dried blood but it’s too dark to tell.”

“Fine collect a sample then, I’ll have it sent straight back to the lab.”

“Yeah okay.”

I did as Fox asked, I scraped some of the dried flaked into the evidence bag.

“So you never recognized the alleged victim at all Sir?"

“I think he must have been some out of towner, I’d seen him earlier that day with another gentleman.”

“Do you know who the other man was?”

“No but they were rather close though.”

“In what way?”

“In a sexual way.”

“Yet the victim was never reported missing by anyone.”

It was then that Fox turned and spoke to me, I don’t know if he was happy with my line of questioning or not.

“What are you thinking Alex?”

“Maybe it was the lover Fox, it might be worth checking any cameras in the town.”

“Yeah good point Alex, I guess it could be a simple lovers tiff or even revenge.”

“Fox if that was a lovers tiff, well remind me to stay in your good books.”

“You know what I mean, right is there anything else you want to look at Alex?”

“No that’s everything out here.”

I was then left stood there as Fox talked to the witness.

“Right I guess it’s time to call it a night then, I’d just like to thank you for your help Paul.”

“Hey no problem, I just hope you catch them.”

“Yeah so do I, like I said it could be just a jealous lover or something.”

“Yeah well there’s nothing worse than a control freak, well that’s my opinion anyway.”

I don’t know as at this moment I was feeling rather jealous myself, this Paul bloke seemed to be doing a hell of a lot of flirting with Fox. At first I’d thought it was just my imagination, however it soon became clear that I was right.

“Mulder are you ready, I’m not standing here all night.”

“Yes Agent Krycek just give me a minute will you?”

I watched as they laughed and joked together, I then heard the man joke to Fox about him having a jealous partner. Is that what they saw me as just some fuckin jealous lover, well fuck Fox and fuck them all.

“Agent Mulder I’ll see you at the motel.”

“Hold up Alex.”

I never even answered Fox, I just turned around and walked away leaving them together. I walked as fast as I could back to the motel, once there I just threw myself upon the bed. Maybe Fox might just think I’m asleep and leave me alone, 

I’m not stupid and had known the man was flirting with Fox on purpose. Surely Fox could also see how the man was behaving towards him, well at the moment I really didn’t want to think about it.

XXXXXXXXXX

I spent another five minutes talking to the witness Paul, then I went in search of my lover and partner. Fuck it didn’t help that Alex had taken the torch with him, I finally managed to find my way back after I got my bearings in the dark. Once in the room I noticed Alex, his clothes were on the floor and he was already in bed.

“Alex are you awake?”

Great no answer, I knew that Alex hadn’t fallen asleep that quick so he must be sulking.

“Alex I’m talking to you, I’ll stay here until you answer me.”

“I’m tired so leave me alone Fox.”

“Alex I know you’re sulking so you might as well talk to me.”

“Fuck off Fox and leave me alone.”

I was sick of this and maybe bringing Alex on the case was a bad idea, I really would need to concentrate and without the petty distractions. I pulled the cover off and exposed him, maybe he’d talk now he had nowhere to hide.

“Come on Alex out with it now.”

“You don’t own me Fox or tell me what to do.”

“I never once said that I did, I just want to know what the fucks wrong with you?”

“You always think you’re right, Fox the smart one who knows everything so you work it out.”

“I swear I’d knock some sense into you Alex, well that’s if you wasn’t so….. Just forget it.”

“Don’t you dare say never mind, come on if I wasn’t so what Fox."

“Alex don’t.”

“Fuckin answer me Fox.”

Shit with that Alex was off the bed and grabbed me by the throat, he then slammed me against the wall. Fuck I couldn’t hit him so I tried pushing him away, I just couldn’t understand the sudden turn of events.

“Fuck you Fox, are you not man enough to tell me what you were going to say?”

Before I managed to answer Alex punched me in the stomach, fuck he still had one hell of a punch on him.

“I don’t know what’s got into you Alex, but I’m not taking any more of this shit from you.”

“Fuck you Fox.”

I shoved Alex backwards so he fell on the bed, I then had him pinned down.

“Fine have it your way Alex, if you want to know I’ll tell you.”

“I don’t give a shit anymore Fox, but you can get the fuck off me now.”

“Oh no you wanted to know Alex, I was going to say I’d hit you if you wasn’t such a pathetic cripple.”

What the fuck had I just done, I was so tired and Alex had wound me up so much but I should have walked away. I knew that words could hurt him far worse than anything else.

“Get the fuck off me now Fox.”

“God I’m so sorry Alex, I was angry and never meant it.”

“I said get off me now.”

“I can’t let you go like this.”

“Why am I so pathetic that I might just kill myself?”

“Alex stop it, why are you doing this?”

“Well maybe you’re right and I am pathetic.”

“That’s it I’ve had enough of this now.”

I pulled my cuffs out of my pocket, I then grabbed Alex’s good arm and cuffed it to the bedpost.

“Fox I’m warning you.”

“What Alex, what do you think you can do?”

“Sorry I forgot this is how you get off.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You get off by cuffing me to a bed and raping me.”

I suddenly couldn’t breathe, Jesus Christ was that what Alex thought of me. I backed away from him and sat on the other bed, I hurt more than I thought was possible. 

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay here with tears streaming down my face, maybe Fox was right and I am pathetic. He’d hurt me with words by calling me a pathetic cripple, so I’d hurt him back by calling him a fuckin rapist.

“Fox.”

“I’m going out Alex.”

“Please stay.”

“I can’t, I just need some space and time to get my head together.”

“You don’t want me anymore do you Fox?”

“Alex all I want is to know what triggered all of this, also why would you want me if you see me as a rapist?”

“I called you a rapist because it was all I could think of, maybe I am just a childish immature bastard.”

“You still haven’t told me what set this off.”

“You Fox, you’ve had enough of me and want someone else don’t you?”

“Is that what it’s all about, you’re jealous because I spoke to another man?”

I never answered Fox, I was stupid and would throw everything away over it.

“You're jealous aren’t you Alex?”

“Just forget it.”

“Fine I’m going now then.”

Shit I just lay there as Fox got up and grabbed his keys, surely he wouldn’t really just leave.

“Fox you can’t leave me here like this.”

“I’ll be back within an hour Alex, we both need some time to calm down so we can talk.”

“Fine but you can un cuff me first.”

“I’m sorry Alex but I don’t trust you.”

“Thanks for nothing Fox.”

Fox never even answered me as he left, he was really just going to leave me here like this. I guess I’d just blown everything we had, now Fox didn’t even trust me anymore.

I lay there on the bed as I had little choice, I just lay there staring at the ceiling and thinking about things. Maybe when Fox returned I should just get a cab home, great I realized I didn’t even have a home as I lived with Fox. 

I wanted to tell him I was sorry, yet I’d just been so sure he was flirting with that man. As for that bloke Paul, well he couldn’t take his eyes of Fox. Shit how do you apologize when you believe you’re right, I guess I could always apologize for punching him in the stomach.

Well that would be a good place as any I guess, then I could always apologize for calling him a fuckin rapist of all things. Shit then I started to wonder about other things too, like what would happen if he decided not to come back at all. I knew that I really shouldn’t think like that, otherwise I’d start panicking again.

I guess that I must have fallen to sleep out of boredom, I opened my eyes as I heard the motel door open and close again. It was then that Fox came over to me with the key in his hand.

“Alex look I had no right leaving you like this, for that I’m truly sorry.”

“Why I deserved it after punching you.”

“Look I really need you to listen to me Alex, I’m sorry that for some reason I made you feel extremely jealous. Believe me I never meant to hurt you at all, I was angry and never meant to call you what I did either.”

Fox reached up to the cuff and unfastened it, he then rubbed my rather sore wrist.

“Alex I don’t want you to get upset, but I really think that I need to take you off this case.”

I stared at the ceiling and refused to cry, I wasn’t going to let Fox see how rejected I felt.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex talk to me please.”

“I heard you Fox, you want me off the case and I understand so that’s it.”

“Alex I know that you’re upset.”

“Just drop it Fox, all I want now is to get some sleep.”

I watched as Alex turned away from me, I knew I’d hurt him so much and we needed to sort it out.

“Fine if you won’t talk you can listen.”

“Fox I don’t want to listen.”

“Look I hurt you because I made you feel jealous, then I hurt you by making out that you’re useless.”

“Fox I said it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does because I also hurt you by leaving you cuffed here, then just to make matters worse I hurt you again by removing you from the case.”

“Yeah well maybe your right and it’s for the best.”

“Alex do you still want to stay here with me?”

“I don’t know, I’ll see in the morning Fox.”

I couldn’t do anything, I knew there was no getting through to Alex tonight. All I could do was get into the other bed, I suppose that I should get some sleep as tomorrow would be a busy day. 

It was just so hard when I could hear him, Jesus I’d destroyed what little confidence he had. I couldn’t just lay here as it was breaking my heart, I got out of bed and went over to him.

“Alex move up Babe please.”

Alex moved over as far to the wall as he could possibly get, I lay beside him and put my arm around him.

“I’m so sorry Babe, shit this is breaking my heart seeing you this upset Alex.”

“It doesn’t matter Fox.”

“Yes it does matter Alex, believe me I don’t see you as pathetic at all. You Alex are the strongest person I know and have survived so much in life, hell I’d have given up a long time ago.”

“You don’t mean that Fox.”

“I mean it more than anything Babe.”

“You must think I’m somewhat pathetic though, you don’t even want me on the case anymore with you.”

“I’m so sorry if that was how it came across, Alex that wasn’t the reason why Babe.”

“So why Fox?”

“Because I just think it’s too much at the moment, you have your medical to concentrate on too. I think you’re better off dealing with just that for now, but you’re far from stupid and would make a good agent Babe.”

“Do you want me to stay Fox? I can always go back home tomorrow, shit that’s if you still even want me?”

My God had I really made him feel so low, he actually thought that I might not want him at all.

“Alex Babe I want you more than anything, we will argue from time to time and that just makes us normal. Sometimes we do or say things that we regret, but that doesn’t mean I want to end it with you.”

“Yeah I said and did things that I regret too.”

“I know it was because you were angry Babe, I ‘m sure if you really hated me that you wouldn’t be here with me now.”

“Yeah true, Fox do you think we’re as fucked up as each other?”

“Yeah Alex, we always come through it all though.”

“So what will you do tomorrow Fox, you should really get Skinner to assign another Agent?”

“No I’ll be okay Alex.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I really wasn’t happy about Fox going out alone, however at the end of the day I couldn’t stop him. Fox was a fully qualified Agent, where I was just a want to be who wasn’t even allowed on the case.

“Will you still be going out there tomorrow night Fox? It’s not safe for you to go alone.”

“Alex you worry too much, I might just go and check a few of the shops cameras first.”

“What to find the mystery boyfriend?”

“That’s the general idea Babe.”

“You’d better behave yourself Fox, you must be blind if you can’t see how that bloke looks at you.”

“Alex have you really looked at him, shit he’s really not my type even if I was free and single.”

“Good keep it that way Fox.”

“One day you might actually believe me Alex, I’ve only wanted you for a long time now.”

“Fox swear to me that there’s no one else.”

“I swear Alex that there’s only you and only will be you.”

“Didn’t you ever get tempted Fox, you know all the times we were apart?”

“No not once, okay maybe that was a lie.”

Great why did I suddenly feel really sick, maybe I shouldn’t have asked but it was too late now?

“Well I never actually got tempted, I just made a drunken pass at someone.”

“Do I know this said someone Fox?”

“Don’t laugh Alex, I made a pass at Skinner okay.”

“I didn’t think he was your type?”

“He’s not Alex so don’t worry about it.”

“So what did Skinner have to say about it then?”

“He told me to go and sleep it off, we’d just drank a bottle of expensive whisky and I was depressed at the time.”

“Oh shit I forgot, did Skinner ever mention his cabin and the whiskey?”

“He knew he could replace it Alex, he seemed more concerned by the state you were in.”

“Yeah I was really bad back then, I was just so depressed and emotional all the time.”

“Alex I think at the moment you’re worried about Friday, look at you you’re doing so well.”

“Apart from the fact I overreact all the time.”

“Let’s just take it one day at a time, I’m only pulling you off the case for your own good.”

“Yeah I know and it was just a dream anyway, hell I even fucked up as a pretend Agent.”

“Alex I trust your instincts, I know that something's bothering you about this case but you won’t tell me.”

“Yeah that’s because I’m unsure what it is myself, maybe I’m just tired and need some rest.”

“Yeah maybe that’s all, just remember that you can always talk to me Alex no matter what.”

“I know Fox, sometimes I just think it’s the brain injury that’s the problem.”

“Why what do you mean Alex?”

“I have these feelings and ideas, but then I doubt myself and wonder if it’s all in my head. Shit sometimes it scares the hell out of me Fox, what would happen to me if I were losing it?”

“See you’re doing it now.”

“Doing what now?”

“Worrying about things that might not even be a problem.”

“Fox do you really love me?”

“I couldn’t imagine my life without you Alex, it hurt so much when I thought I’d never see you again.”

“Yeah at the time I believed it was best for you, which was why I made myself a prisoner in Skinner's cabin.”

I didn’t want to tell Fox that Russia was far worse, I’d screamed for him as they cut my arm off even though I thought he hated me.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex are you serious about the arm?”

“Yeah I’m more worried that I have to stay in the clinic.”

“Alex you managed last time when you were on the meds.”

“Yeah I just got a cab to the middle of nowhere Fox.”

“But it won’t be the same, you will be busy learning to use your new arm.”

“Yeah true, I’ll also have you when you’re not at work.”

“Is that what you think Alex?”

“What you won’t be staying with me when you’re not at work?”

“Alex I will be with you all of the time, hell I’m not leaving you in there alone again.”

“Don’t you trust me Fox?”

“It’s not just about trust Babe, I’ll be staying to help you through it and see that you cope okay.”

“Yeah I must admit I was always worse when you left, I always thought you’d leave me and not return. Then I got it into my head that you could do better than me, you’re gorgeous Fox.”

“You think too highly of me Babe, believe me I’m nothing special at all.”

“To me you are special Fox and always have been.”

“I think we deserve each other Alex, I was just a bit slow at realizing it that’s all.”

“At least we’re together now Fox.”

“That’s why we have to work together, that means talking to each other Alex for one. I can’t keep cuffing you to something every time you paddy, you might get too pissed off with me one day.”

“You know that I love it when you’re in control, can I ask you something Fox?”

“Yeah of course you can Babe.”

“If you ever have to cuff me again in the future, well can you please not leave me on my own Fox?”

“Of course I won’t Babe, I never should have left you earlier like that as it was totally irresponsible. I love you so much Alex and couldn’t understand why I’d pissed you off, I guess when you punched me I just saw red.”

“Why didn’t you hit me back?”

“I just couldn’t Alex that’s all.”

“Is it because you see me as someone less able than you Fox?”

“Don’t kid yourself Babe as you can still pack a punch, I guess I just hit you so many times in the past and sometimes you never deserved it. God this may sound stupid to you Alex, but I vowed I’d never hit you again.”

“No I’m okay with you not hitting me, Fox will you just hold me until I fall asleep?”

“Of course I will Babe.”

I kissed Alex gently on the lips, the last thing I wanted was for him to get turned on. It was way too late for that, also I’d need to be up in the morning. I held him in my arms as promised, I didn’t want to let go anyway as he felt too good.

I knew Alex was asleep and I was glad, he was really starting to get worked up about Friday now, At this rate he’d end up making himself ill long before then, as long as he understood I’d taken him off the case for his health and mental state.

I would have to find something for him to do, I’d be out most of Wednesday working this case. I would need to close it by Thursday lunchtime if possible, we’d both need to be home Thursday evening at the very latest. I’d already booked Friday off work so I could be with Alex, I knew the tests would leave him feeling tired and grumpy.

At least we’d been told it would only take a few hours, we’d then have to wait until late Friday or early Saturday for the results. Then we would be able to deal with Alex’s future, whatever that may entail. At the moment though it was time to get some sleep, otherwise it would be morning before I knew it.   



	51. Chapter 51

I woke to find Fox was already up and getting dressed, shit I suddenly felt even more depressed when I saw his stomach.

“Alex what’s matter Babe?”

“Is that what I did to you Fox?”

I watched as he looked down at his stomach, he then came over and sat on the bed beside me.

“Hey I’m fine Alex so don’t look so upset, I told you that you can still pack a punch Babe.”

“It was stupid and I should never have hit you.”

“Look you obviously believed that you had reason, shit and maybe it’s my fault anyway.”

“How the fuck do you work that one out?”

“You tell me that I’m gorgeous and could have anyone, yet I don’t see it Babe. Maybe that’s why I’ve hardly had any relationships. I guess I just presume people are being friendly, I don’t see why anyone would want to flirt with me.”

“You must be blind, that or you need a better mirror Lover.”

“Yeah right whatever, anyway I need to get going in a few minutes.”

“How come you’re leaving so early Fox?”

“I told you last night Alex, I just want to go and check a few things out that’s all.”

“Yeah okay.”

“So what are you going to do with yourself Babe?”

Great what was I meant to tell him, I’d just sit here feeling depressed and all alone? Right like hell would I tell him that, he’d end up just staying here and babysitting me?

“I thought I might have a walk over to the library, maybe just get a feel for the people around here.”

“Will you be okay Babe?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine, I can’t just sit here Fox or I’ll go mad.”

“Yeah that’s understandable, you know that I can’t have you walking around armed if you’re on your own?”

“Yeah I know Fox.”

I got up off the bed, I then went and grabbed the badge and gun. I took one last look before handing them over to Fox, it had just been a stupid fantasy anyway. I watched as Fox put the gun into his bag, he then just threw some clothes over it.

“Alex I ‘can’t let you have the gun, but I do want you to keep the badge on you Babe.”

“Why Fox, I don’t see the point really?”

“You can still use it to question people, I’d still like your input on the case if you’re up to it?”

“Yeah I’d like that Fox.”

“I believe your judgement’s been off because of Friday, however you’re not stupid Alex and I trust your judgement.”

“Yeah okay and thanks it means a lot.”

“Yeah okay I’ll see you in a bit then.”

Fox kissed me and left, I started to feel alone the minute he walked through that door. Maybe I should really go out for a bit, I could do as Fox said and talk to the residents. I wanted to know if the alleged victim did have a lover, I also wanted to see if I could find out more about our witness too.

I finally moved and went for a shower, I had a feeling it would be a long day without Fox. I put my suit on and made myself look smart, it just felt like another one of those days from my past. I grabbed the badge along with the cuffs and was ready to leave, I might as well spend the day having a look around.

XXXXXXXXXX

I wasn’t happy about having to leave Alex alone, but I didn’t really have a choice as I had a job to do here. Realistically I had what? Maybe just another twenty four hours to solve this case. After that time I’d have to go back with Alex, also I was hoping the full moon might help me solve this case.

My first job was to get a courier to take a parcel, I wanted the sample Alex had collected sent and the results today. I wanted to know if it was blood and also if it was human, as it had most certainly looked like an altar. The biggest question was where the body had gone? Shit some case this was turning out to be.

I finally managed to sort the package out, it would be going express by a motorbike courier service. At least I should hear something back soon, for now I was just going to grab myself a coffee. I soon found a small coffee shop where the staff were all friendly, maybe it might be worthwhile talking to a few while I was here.

“Hi can I have a coffee with milk, also could I possibly just ask you a couple of questions?”

The waitress stood looking at me unsure of what to do, it was then that her boss noticed and called her over. Oh well I guess that hadn’t gone as well as I’d planned, maybe it was worth trying someone else. I was just about to move when the waitress came back over, she put my coffee on the table and sat down.

“My boss said I can spare you five minutes, then I have to get on with what I’m paid for.”

“That’s fine, I only wanted to ask you a couple of questions anyway.”

“Very well.”

“Are you aware of why the F.B.I are here, have you heard about the case we’re working on?”

“Everyone knows that you’re here regarding the recent murders.”

“Murders! I was only aware of the one.”

“Nobody really knows, there’s never a body and it’s all just word of mouth.”

“So what about Paul Taylor our witness, does everyone believe what he’s saying?”

“How should I know? He’s just some janitor at the high school and the motel.”

“Has he ever mentioned how he got his limp?”

“I can’t say I’d noticed he has a limp, I don’t go around eyeing up all the customers you know.”

“I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“No it’s fine, some customers I don’t particularly like but it’s my job to serve them.”

“The joys of work I guess, believe me sometimes I don’t like dealing with certain people.”

“Look Mr, sorry I never caught your name?”

I pulled out my badge and showed her it.

“It’s Agent Fox Mulder.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah don’t ask.”

“Look all I know Agent Mulder is that people talk, a small place like this and word gets around. One good thing is that it keeps the kids in on a night.”

“Yeah I have to admit that I haven’t seen too many kids.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No and thank you for all your help.”

I continued to drink my coffee, it was then that I heard someone talking to me.

“Sir, Can I possibly have a quick word with you?”

“Yes of course you can.”

I looked up to see a young man of eighteen at the most, he was also rather nervous and on edge.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d just spent the last few hours walking around, believe me I was tired and totally fed up with everything. I’d started to wonder where Fox was and what he was up to, I knew I’d have to return to the motel soon or I might miss him. I went into the local library and walked straight into Paul Taylor, great I really couldn’t be doing with him right now.

“Good day Agent Krycek, where’s that good looking partner of yours today?”

Fuck the man made my skin crawl just looking at him, maybe Fox was right and I was just jealous.

“He’s out working, chances are he’ll be around here somewhere.”

“I take it you’ve had no luck with the case so far?”

“No Mr Taylor but we're working on it, it’s only a matter of time believe me.”

  
“You look a little stressed Agent Krycek, you do know that you shouldn’t have to suffer abuse from a partner.”

“Sorry I’ve no idea what you’re talking about?”

“Word has it that your motel room was rather noisy last night, then apparently your partner stormed out.”

“I’m sorry but that’s personal and has nothing to do with anyone else.”

“Okay I understand, just as long as you’re okay?”

“Yeah I am.”

God I couldn’t get out of that library fast enough, great so now the whole fuckin place knew about myself and Fox. Maybe I should just head back towards the motel, I could just lock myself in and hide. It was then that I decided I didn’t give a shit, maybe I’d just go and grab myself a coffee.

I walked into the café and took a look around, shit it was then that I noticed Fox sat over in the corner. He appeared to look really cosy as he sat there, the kid that he was flirting and laughing with looked so bloody young. Fuck this, I just saw red and stormed out of there. Now I knew that it wasn’t just my imagination, everywhere I went Fox was flirting with someone.

I walked out of the coffee shop and felt totally lost, I just walked around not knowing where to go or what to do with myself. I decided to walk a bit further then decide, then I noticed a bar and the decision was made for me. 

I went over the bar and sat down, at least it was rather quiet and empty in here. I guess the time of day could have something to do with it.

“Can I get a drink here?”

“Have you finished for the day Sir?”

“Believe me I never even got started, can I just have a double vodka?”

“Yeah sure, aren’t you one of those F.B.I Agents?”

“No, well yeah but I’m not working at the moment.”

I really wasn’t in the mood for all the questions, I just knocked the vodka straight back and ordered another. I then went on to have a couple more and knew I’d had enough, hell one was more than enough with the meds I was on.

Shit I felt even worse when the fresh air hit me, okay I was definitely drunk now. It took me awhile to get back to the motel, I staggered all the way but finally made it. The last thing I wanted right now was company, however I couldn’t avoid the hotel manager.

“Good day Agent, or maybe it’s not as you look like you're drowning your sorrows.”

“I’m fine don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not anything to do with that partner of yours is it?”

“That’s my business.”

“Sorry it’s just some of the guests were complaining about the noise.”

“Fine I’ll make sure we keep the noise down.”

I walked away and entered my room, I then slammed the door loudly behind me. Shit I seemed to be surrounded by liars and nosey bastards that were doing my head in. I removed my jacket and lay down on the bed, for some reason the room started spinning.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Sir are you the Agent working the murder case?”

“Yeah and who may you be?”

“My name’s Tom okay.”

“How old are you Tom?”

“I’m sixteen and that’s why I haven’t said anything, however I have to talk to someone for Sam’s sake.”

“Right start at the beginning and tell me everything, also including who Sam is?”

“I can’t talk here.”

“Fine I have a motel room and we can talk there if you want?”

The kid got into the car and looked really worried, he even remained silent all the way to the motel.

“Right Tom please come in.”

I led the boy inside the motel room, however I was surprised to see Alex here and in bed.

“Here take a seat at the table and we can talk here.”

“What about him?”

“It’s okay he’s an F.B.I Agent too, I guess he must have had a busy day. 

Right would you like to tell me what you know Tom?”

The missing person's name is Sam and he was my lover.”

“How old is Sam?”

“He’s twenty eight.”

“I take it that was the reason why you never came forward.”

“Yeah well no one could know as I’m under age.”

“Yeah I’m glad you realize that, it’s a shame that you never realized it earlier though.”

“Yeah well we don’t always choose who we love, sometimes it can just happen when you don’t expect it.”

I looked over at Alex, shit I knew exactly what the kid meant.

“So how do you know that Sam didn’t just move on, maybe he found someone more his own age?”

“Our relationship was different.”

“How so?”

“Because he was my master, there’s no way he’d just leave without telling me. We met a few months ago and stayed here every weekend.”

“Did anyone else know about this, or just how old you were?”

“I thought that we’d been careful, but yeah I guess it could be possible.”

I started thinking about how this information could help me, it was then that I noticed Alex stirring.

“Maybe you need to find someone your own age Tom, but anyway I’ll look into it and see what I can do.”

“Thank you so much Agent Mulder.”

“Do you want a lift back?”

“No I’m fine walking as I need to clear my head.”

I shut the door behind him, it was then that Alex actually woke up.

“Jesus Fox I can’t believe that you’re bringing them back to the room now.”

“What, bringing who?”

“Your fuckin lovers that’s who.”

I watched as Alex turned over and away from me, shit he then went on to just ignore me. I really couldn’t be doing with this right now, I had to change and go back out soon.

”Alex talk to me right now, just what the fuck’s going on inside that head of yours?”

“Fuck off Fox.”

I went over to the bed, shit it was then that he threw up all over me.

“Fuckin great, thanks for that Alex. Shit you’ve been drinking haven’t you and not just the one?”

“Maybe, what’s it to you if I have?”

“You fuckin idiot, you’re on medication Alex and not supposed to drink, are you trying to kill yourself? Actually don’t answer that as I don’t want to know, do what the fuck you want as I need a shower now.”

I stood under the warm water making sure I was clean, I just couldn’t understand what was with Alex at the moment. Soon I was dressed and back in my casual clothes, I then grabbed my gun and the torch.

“I’m going out Alex as I have things to do, also I can’t handle you at the moment when you’re like this.”

“Fine I can take a hint.”

Alex was seriously pissing me off, did he really think I was off out meeting another bloke.

XXXXXXXXXX

If Fox couldn’t cope with me that was just fine, no one was forcing him to stay with me.

“Don’t even think like that Alex, I just have somewhere to be regarding the case.”

“You still don’t believe anything I say anyway, I’ve warned you Fox about all of this.”

“Look that kid gave me the name of the possible victim, I have no choice but to check it out Alex.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“Alex we are going to talk when I get back and you will listen.”

“See you’re not even listening to me now, I’m trying to tell you the killer has a problem with gay men.”

“What makes you say that Alex?”

“Just a hunch, surely it’s worth looking into Fox?”

“I spoke to a few people today and it appears the star witness is gay, he’s also a janitor at the school and this motel.”

“Yeah well I told you that he fancied you and was trying to chat you up, shit and there you were flirting with the man.”

“I wasn’t flirting with him Alex.”

“Fuck you Fox, you don’t want to admit it because I saw you.”

”Have it your way Alex as there’s no reasoning with you when you’re like this, I’m out of here now.”

“Good don’t fuckin come back?”

I regretted the words the minute I’d said them, however Fox was gone before I could even apologize. I got up and went for a shower, I had to get out of this suit as I felt like I was going to be sick again. Once out I searched the bag for some clothes as I would need some jeans, there in the bottom was the gun Fox had put in there earlier. 

I just sat there holding it and thinking how fucked up the situation was. The irony as Fox had given me the gun to protect myself, to come here so we could protect each other. The only person I was at harm from was myself, one bullet that’s all it would take to end my life.

Fuck I knew I was just been pathetic and that was the easy way out, one day Fox might need my help. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the witness was involved in all of this. I went back into the bathroom and dressed in clean clothes.

Maybe Fox could still do better than me, god I mean look at the state of me. Someone else might not be perfect looking, but hell chances are they’d be way more stable than me. I stood there and stared at my reflection in the mirror, shit I was far from good looking or special. 

Great I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the sight I saw in the mirror, suddenly I started throwing up violently in the sink. Now the sight in the mirror was far worse, shit I deserved to be all alone. 

Ever since the coma I’d despised mirrors at the best of times, mostly because of the sight that greeted me. I turned and walked away from the mirror and nearly tripped over a deodorant can, see point proven and I was just pathetic. 

I was pissed off as it was and I couldn’t help myself, I picked the can up and threw it full force at the mirror. Shit it was then that I noticed the small red flashing light, I was intrigued and went to take a closer look.

There behind the mirror was the small camera, that was how the manager knew we’d argued that night and not because of the guests. I walked into the room and there above the desk was a mirror, I grabbed the paperweight and smashed that mirror too revealing yet another camera.

Shit we’d argued and Fox had cuffed me to the bed after I’d called him a rapist, then there was the time I’d sat on the chair and had entertained Fox, shortly after he’d made love to me.

Suddenly it hit me, all the missing links as everything fell into place. The kid had said he stayed here with is lover, someone had known he was under age and had dealt with it. I also knew now just what was going on and exactly who the killer is. I’d have to move fast as Fox was out there all alone, I grabbed hold of the gun and made sure it was fully loaded.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d gone back to the woods alone, I was feeling really pissed off over Alex’s attitude at the moment. It didn’t take me too long to find the clearing once more, the makeshift altar was still there but that was it. I thought I might as well have another look around as it would be dark soon, I turned around the corner and nearly walked into Paul Taylor.

“What brings you out here Sir?”

“You Agent Mulder.”

With that someone grabbed me from behind, I was then shoved hard face down on the ground.

“You’re not so big now are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your type, you like to be in charge and abuse your lover.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Your partner a cute bloke but a bit simple, so you treat him like shit and push him around. I had a lover like that once, he abused me until I killed him.”

"So it was you who killed that other man too?”

“Well he was abusing a minor, you all get what you deserve in the end trust me.”

“You never were the witness, I knew I should have listened to Alex.”

“No but it’s too late for all that now.”

“Let me go, you won’t get away with this as I’m a Federal Agent.”

“Oh I will get away with it, tonight you are to be my sacrifice.”

“You can’t do this, just let me fuckin go now.”

“I don’t think so, you see this is Steve my new lover and he likes making abusers like you pay. Sorry I forgot that you’ve already met each other.” 

I looked behind me to see the manager of the motel, he then proceeded to kick me full on in the side.

“What are you going to do to me?”

“Steve here will help you out of your clothes, he’ll then place your body on the altar. Then for the best bit, Steve gets to abuse you and make you pay, then after I’ll cut your head off as a sacrifice. The idea will be to hopefully free your diseased soul from going to Hell.”

“Jesus you’re fuckin nuts and spout loads of bullshit, you’re sick both of you.”

I was punched yet again just before I was dragged over to the altar, fuck it was then that he started pulling my jeans and underwear down. I tried kicking him but it was no use, especially as I was now injured too.

Alex had been right about the witness all along, yet it was too late to tell him that now. He was brutal as he slammed against me, my cock was pressed against the hard rock.

“Don’t fight it bitch, tonight you’ll see just what it’s like to suffer.”

I had a feeling that somehow he might be right, I was in the middle of nowhere with a pair of fuckin loonies. 

“Are you ready to feel some pain Agent Mulder?”

I refused to answer him, but that just seemed to piss him off even more.

“Answer me you fuckin bitch.”

“Fuck.”

“I thought that might get your attention.”

The bastard had shoved his fingers inside me dry, he’d then gone on to twist them around. However the pain was soon gone, it was just a shame it was to be replaced by something far worse. 

It didn’t take me long to realize just what he was doing, the bastard was trying to shove his whole hand inside me, the pain was excruciating as I tried not to scream. 

“Scream for me bitch, your ass is so fuckin tight and hot.”

I felt sick at the thought of him raping me, yet I realized that he was just going to jerk off and his fist would remain, He stretched his fist out scraping my insides, shit I couldn’t hold back any longer as I started screaming. His partner in crime was already waiting there with the axe, all I wanted was to see Alex one more time and tell him I loved him.

The bloke started working up a rhythm and would come soon, I knew that the minute he did the axe would fall and my life would end. I was struggling to even think now as he stepped up the pace, I wanted to carry on screaming but my throat was sore and then I registered another noise.

The sound of two bullets been fired rang out, then there was a sudden heavy weight upon my back.   



	52. Chapter 52

I rushed over to Fox to get the man off him, I realized that it was the motel owner after all. I’d shot him in the chest killing him outright, shit it was just like Augustus Cole all over again. I checked the other body, surprise I was right about him too, Paul Taylor our star fuckin witness. He was rolling around in pain after taking a bullet to the shoulder.

“Stay the fuck where you are, or I swear the next bullet will finish you.”

I pulled Fox up and into my arms, Jesus he looked so out of it and in pain.

“Fox talk to me.”

“Get the fuck off me now.”

“Fox it’s me Alex, I need to know if you’re okay?”

“Fine but you can get off me Alex.”

I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t let me touch him, he just ignored me and pulled out his phone. However I couldn’t help but notice the blood along his thighs, I wanted to cry but I knew I had to be strong for him.

I listened as he phoned Skinner, he told him that we’d need some back up and a lift home.

“Alex how did you know?”

“I got pissed off, yeah I know that’s nothing new. Anyway I threw a can of deodorant at the mirror and found a camera, Paul Taylor is the murderer and that’s his accomplice. They were lovers and in it together.”

“I thought he had a jilted lover, also he said his limp was caused by said lover?”

“Fox he doesn’t have a limp, loads of people had told me it was very recent.”

I took a pen knife out of my pocket and bent down beside our witness, Mr Taylor was suddenly looking rather worried when he saw the knife.

“Alex what the hell are you doing?”

“Just watch Fox.”

I took hold of the man’s pant leg, I then cut through the fabric with the sharp knife.

“There Fox can you see that?”

“Yeah it’s a bullet wound, it also looks fresh too.”

“You see I’m not that a crap shot, I knew I hit something that night in the woods.”

I got back up and returned to Fox, it was then that he shouted out.

“Alex watch out!”

I turned around to find the bloke had tried grabbing the axe, I never thought twice as I put a bullet in him. I sat there unable to move, shit I’d just killed two men in self-defence. 

I guess I was worried as to whether I’d be believed, well I’d find out soon enough as I heard sirens in the distance. I noticed that Fox had managed to redress, he was now just sat on the ground hugging his knees.

“Fox I’m really sorry that you had to suffer like that, I just wish I’d got here sooner.”

“Alex just shut the fuck up, it never happened okay.”

“You have to tell them Fox.”

“I can’t.”

“Fox please.”

“I said shut up, look I don’t need to tell anyone as there won’t be a trial will there.”

Great it looked like Fox was going to hide this, shit he would need to admit it even for his own sake. It was then that I heard the voices getting closer, I also recognized one of the voices as Skinners. 

“Agents I hope someone can tell me what went on here?”

“Sir I was the one that shot them both.”

“Right can you put both of them in separate cars, I’m sorry but I have to do this until I have your statements.”

Great what the hell was I meant to say now, especially when I couldn’t mention what happened to Fox.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was led into a small interview room, great it appeared the local sheriff was going to be taking the statement. At least Skinner was going to sit in with me, all I wanted was to leave and go home.

“Sir what happens after the statement and when can I go home?”

“Agent Mulder I have a helicopter waiting, as soon as this is over you can both go home.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Right let’s get this over with shall we?”

“Where’s Alex?”

“He’s fine Agent Mulder, he’ll be interviewed after you.”

“I need to talk to him.”

“You know that’s not possible, you know the procedure better than anyone.”

“Fine.”

“Right Agent Mulder just write down in your own words what happened tonight, then it will be read back to you. We have two bodies out there and people will want answers.”

“Has anyone been out to the motel yet Sir?”

“No not yet.”

“Our room number sixteen, Alex found some cameras hidden in the mirrors. Also Paul Taylor admitted that he killed at least two people, you need men at the motel and in the woods Sir.”

“Right I’ll arrange that now.”

Skinner left the room while I wrote my statement, great what the fuck was I meant to write. I started out with all the recent events, which at least I had reports to back me up. 

I’d then have to explain why I removed Alex from the case and went out there alone, I guessed my best bet was the truth. I wrote how I believed that it was affecting his health, shit I’d also have to explain how he turned out to be right.

I stated how I’d gone out to the woods alone, then one of them had grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. Also how one of them then pushed me over the altar, which was when the other man had picked up the axe. I wrote down what he’d said to me about the murders, also how he planned to kill me too. 

I claimed that one had just held me down, then the other had raised the axe and that was when Alex had shot them both. One had died outright the other was only shot in the shoulder. I then explained how he’d raised the axe once more, Alex believing his life was in danger had shot the man.

“Sir that’s basically it, I’ll also provide all the witness statements and any other evidence.”

“Thank you Agent Mulder, I just thought you might want to know we have Agents searching the motel now.”

“Sir Can you let me know if they find anything.”

“Of course Agent Mulder, hold on a minute I’m wanted elsewhere.”

I was left on my own for all of ten minutes, it was then that Skinner returned looking rather grim.

“It appears that every single mirror had a camera behind it, also we found two bodies in the basement.”

“So that proves it then?”

“Yes but there are still more places to search, I just need you to hang on here a while.”

“Yeah okay, where are you going now Sir?”

“I need to go and collect Alex’s statement, then that way you can both go home.”

“Can you tell Alex that I love him?”

“Yeah I will do that Agent Mulder, you do know that Alex did what was right out there.”

“Yeah well I just hope the bureau see it the same way.”

“I’m sure once we have his statement it will be fine, your life was at risk out there Agent Mulder so don’t worry.”

Great how could I not worry, I just hoped that Alex had lied and covered up for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d been sat in this room for over an hour now, just sat here all alone and not knowing what was going on. When the door finally opened I looked up to see Skinner enter with a local cop, great maybe I might finally get out of here.

“Sir I’ve been here ages now, I need to know how Fox is holding up.”

“We got his statement and he asked me to tell you that he loves you.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Right basically I’ll wait here while you write your statement, afterwards I’ll just check it corresponds with Agent Mulders.”

Great I sat there just staring at the piece of paper, I had no idea what Fox might have already told them. I just kept seeing Fox there with that bastard over him, a few more seconds and Fox would have died a horrific death. I sat with tears pouring down my face, shit now I couldn’t even see to write anyway.

“Alex take your time, I know this is hard as you nearly lost your partner tonight.”

“It was like before when Fox was my partner, Augustus Cole was the first person I’d ever shot and killed.”

“Yes and you killed him to protect Fox.”

“Yeah not that he believed me.”

“I know that he’s thankful that you saved his life tonight, so tell me why you’re finding it so hard to write Alex?”

“I don’t know Sir, shit I don’t even know where to start.”

“Look just start back when you arrived here, then just work up to the events tonight in the wood.”

Great I’d have to cut a lot out then, I couldn’t mention anything in the motel room, shit if I did Skinner would have us both committed. I basically wrote in the statement how I’d questioned some people, also how I believed Taylor was lying. I then said how I’d followed Fox to the wood, after that everything became a blur and I couldn’t remember.

I sat there with my head in my hands at the table, Skinner sat reading the very short statement I’d wrote.

“Alex do you want to see a Doctor?”

“Why just because I can’t remember certain things, thanks but I’m not fuckin mad yet.”

“Alex that’s not what I meant, I must have a clear account of things that happen. Even more so when you discharged your weapon, not once but three times.”

“So just arrest me if you think I killed them without reason.”

“Alex I’ve no idea why you’re making this so hard on yourself, you’re not officially an Agent so I can’t just let you go.”

“Fine, whatever as I don’t care anymore.”

“Fox claims that you saved his life, so I just don’t see what you expect to gain from this?”

“Look I killed them both okay so just fuckin arrest me already.”

“You can be a stubborn bastard Alex Krycek but I won’t let this drop, I’m going to get the on call Doctor to come in here. I have to respect that you’ve suffered a brain injury in the past, it could now be affecting your judgement and behaviour.”

“When the fuck will everyone stop using that one, you all make out like I’m some brain damaged fuckin idiot.”

“I don’t think that at all Alex and I came to respect you, you were doing so well and I just don’t understand.”

“Well I’ve nothing else to say now, so you can all just fuck off and leave me alone.”

“Fine you’ll have to remain here until a transfer can be arranged, then you will be held until a court date is set. I’m sorry but this is beyond me now Alex and my hands are tied.”

“Good because I never asked or wanted your help.”

“Do you want me to be honest with you Alex?”

“I’m sure I can’t stop you.”

“I don’t know how the hell Agent Mulder copes with you?”

“No neither do I.”

“Maybe he should have put you over his knee when you asked for it.”

“What?”

“I know about your little fetish Alex to be punished, are you just getting some sort of kick out of this?”

“My personal life has nothing to do with you Sir.”

“Well I’m out of here otherwise I’ll end up putting you over my fuckin knee.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Goodbye Alex.”

Well I must have pissed Skinner off, it’s not that often that he actually swears. Well none of it mattered as I was alone in this now. I couldn’t help Fox or be there for him, but I’d at least kept his secret for him.

XXXXXXXXXX

Skinner finally returned but he looked far from happy.

“How’s Alex Sir?”

“He’s not doing too well Agent Mulder.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s refusing to cooperate, he claims that he can’t remember anything that happened.”

“So what happens now Sir?”

“He will be held for now, however you’re free to leave Agent Mulder.”

“You seriously don’t expect me to leave him here do you?”

“Agent Mulder you don’t have a choice.”

“Can I see him first?”

“No I’m sorry Agent Mulder but it’s not possible.”

“He’s only got until tomorrow then he has to be at the clinic.”

“He might have to re schedule it I’m afraid.”

“He can’t do that as this is important to him.”

“Well I’m sorry but it’s out of my hands now Agent Mulder.”

“Sir please it’s all my fault, he’s covering up for me and I can’t sit here while he does.”

“Right Agent Mulder you have five minutes so start talking.”

I knew this was going to be really hard but I owed it to Alex, I loved him too much to sit and watch him take all the blame and without him I’d be dead now.

“We had an argument on Tuesday Sir, basically Alex thought the witness was coming on to me. I told Alex it was all in his head so we exchanged words. I thought he had bad judgement and was acting out of jealousy, that or because of his brain injury.

I told him that he was been irrational, also that I was taking him off the case. I fucked up bigtime Sir, it turned out that Alex was spot on about everything. Out there he was the far better Agent out of us both, but I was just pig headed as usual.

The bottom line is that I ditched him Sir, I left him behind because I thought he was wrong. In all respects I was the one in the wrong, I went out there alone without even calling for back up.”

Great now I was getting to the hardest part of all, but I had to do this for Alex and as an Agent.

“Are you okay Agent Mulder, it’s just you’ve gone rather quiet?”

“Yeah I’m just getting to the hardest part that’s all, the majority of what I put in the statement was true Sir.”

“Right well now I’d like to hear the rest.”

“He pushed me down on the altar as I said, however Alex didn’t come for another five minutes or more.”

“Go on Agent Mulder you’re doing really well.”

“When Alex realized he was right he came straight to the woods, one of them was about to cut my head off…..”

“Yes that’s all in the report Agent Mulder.”

“He was going to cut my head off, but not until his partner had finished molesting me.”

“Shit Agent Mulder you should have trusted me.”

“Yeah well I yelled at Alex to get away from me and keep his mouth shut.”

“So I take it Alex also saw what he was doing to you, which must have come as a shock to him?”

“He had no choice but to shoot first, he’s no longer an Agent and hasn’t been for some time but I’d trust him to watch my back Sir.”

“Look Agent Mulder I take it you don’t want to make that part official.”

“No not if I can help it, people laugh at me enough as it is Sir. I can imagine it now, Fox Mulder took someone’s fist up his ass.”

“Okay fine, but Alex will have to lie to get out of this.”

“Can I talk to him then as it might help?”

“Very well come on then.”

I followed Skinner to the room where they were holding Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I was fucked bigtime now, I felt sick at the thought of what I’d become if I ended up in prison and if I’d even survive. Mind you at the end of the day my life would be over anyway, I’d come close to losing Fox so many times and couldn’t live without him now. 

He was everything to me, he was my saviour, friend and lover. At the end of the day Fox was my soul mate and my life, without him I’d be nothing. I looked up as the door opened to see Skinner, he was then followed by Fox.

“Alex I know what happened, Agent Mulder has told me everything, I’ll just need you to alter some of your statement for me. You know as well as I do that you wouldn’t cope in prison. I also have Agent Mulder here who wouldn’t cope without you, don’t either of you throw it all away because you’re both stubborn.”

“Stubborn, yeah right you were the one who threatened to put me over your knee.”

“I still might if you don’t alter this right now.”

I could see Fox looking rather amused by the threat his boss made, I swear they were ganging up on me.”

“So what is it you want me to change?”

“I need you to say that one of them had Agent Mulder's gun, they will see it that you had no choice but to shoot also you’ll have saved a Federal Agent.”

“Fine whatever.”

I sat and re wrote my statement, I then handed it back to Skinner for his approval.

“That’s fine Alex, we’ve found even more bodies so most people will praise you for killing them.”

“I just want to go home Sir.”

“Right let’s get you both out of here shall we, your motel room has been cordoned off so you can’t re-enter. I’ll have your belongings sent to the Hoover as soon as I can.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“Oh there’s just one other matter, you’re both to seek some sort of counselling in respect of this evening's events. You can either seek private counselling, or I will arrange for both of you to see a fully trained bureau physiatrist.” 

I looked at Fox for some sort of guidance, yet he just looked at the floor. I had no idea how to comfort him or what to say to him, I just felt so lost and afraid I’d still lose him. We were finally led out to the waiting helicopter, at least this way it wouldn’t take long to get back to D.C. 

The trip was spent mostly in silence, yet I knew that Skinner was watching us both most of the time. Once out of the helicopter Skinner arranged to drive us both home, at least he’d managed to retrieve Fox’s keys from the motel room.

“Right you have less than twenty four hours to sort yourselves out, you both will need to be ready for morning. You Alex, make sure you turn up for that appointment at the hospital and get counselling. That also goes for you too Agent Mulder, arrange a councillor or I will.”

“Very well Sir.”

Skinner let us out of the car and drove off, it was now just myself and Fox as we went to the apartment.

“Fox talk to me, I just need to know that you’re okay with everything.”

“Yeah I’m off for a shower now.”

Suddenly I was left stood there alone as the bathroom door shut in my face, I guess Fox still wasn’t ready to talk to me. Shit I knew that he was suffering from the abuse, yet he was refusing to let me in. 

I let him have his own way and left him alone in the shower, I went into the bedroom and just threw myself upon the bed. How the fuck would I persuade him to get any sort of help, especially if he wouldn’t even talk to me.

I felt so pissed off, shit it was now early evening and I’d be at the hospital before I knew it. 

Maybe I could just cancel it and go some other time, Fox was more important and would need my help. What did the test results matter anyway, as for the arm that was just a dream too. Who the hell was I trying to kid that I could actually be normal again, I knew the men were killers but what did that make me?

Shit I could have just shot them in the leg, but no I had to fuckin kill them outright. I heard Fox enter the bedroom and turn the light on, I grabbed the pillow and put it over my head. 

The light was already giving me a headache, also I knew that I was avoiding looking at Fox. I was scared of what I might see if I looked at him, scared that I might see rejection on his gorgeous face.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d turned the shower really hot, all I wanted was to make myself feel somewhat clean. For some reason I just couldn’t face Alex at the moment, I felt so guilty about all that he’d suffered and how I’d treat him. He was supposed to be my lover and partner, yet I’d pretty much accused him of been incapable when we were on that case.

At the end of the day I knew I couldn’t hide in here forever, I was like a god damn lobster by the time I entered the bedroom. Alex was already in the bedroom, yet he was on the bed but still fully clothed. 

He managed to grab the pillow and pull it over his head, well it looked like he was ignoring me. I sat down on the bed and dried myself, I then realized that Alex was now lightly snoring. I lay down and nudged him lightly, he then just stirred and muttered something.

“The shower’s empty.”

“Yeah and?”

“You need a shower Alex and some sleep, you’re at the clinic in the morning. Also you’ve not ate for some time now, all you’ve had was the vodka and you threw that up.”

“It doesn’t matter Fox I’ll be okay, I’m not going to the clinic anyway.”

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“What I said.”

“Alex you have to go tomorrow as it’s really important.”

“Actually I think I will have that shower after all, at least it will be more peaceful than this.”

“Alex please.”

“I won’t be long.”

With that Alex was gone, I was so tired that I got into the bed but still couldn’t sleep. I think Alex felt hurt because I’d rejected him back in the wood, he wanted to comfort me but I hadn’t wanted to be touched at the time. I actually managed to stay awake until he returned, he must have already dried himself as he came straight to bed.

“Fox I know you’re awake, so come on out with it and say what you have to.”

“Alex you know my opinion and that I think it’s important for you to go, I just want to know why you’re suddenly adamant that you’re not going?”

“What do I really need to go for?”

“What about your arm for one?”

“It was just a dream Fox and nothing more, a stupid fuckin dream at that.”

“You don’t mean that Alex, look I’m sorry for everything okay.”

“Sorry for what Fox? You were the one who suffered out there not me.”

“I pushed you away when you were just trying to help me. I should have listened to you and trusted you, I was pig-headed and because of that it nearly cost me my life.”

“Yeah well it seems to be a common occurrence, everyone seems to think I’m braindead.”

“I don’t think that at all, it hurts okay to think what I did to you while we were on that case. You’re so intelligent and quick thinking, yet I couldn’t accept that you might actually be right,”

“Fox you were in charge and did what you thought was best, okay admittedly things got out of hand somewhat.”

“Yeah tell me about it.”

“Fox you need to talk to me, you know about what happened to you in the wood.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, its history now and over with.”

“Fox you need some sort of counseling!” 

“Fine Alex, if it bothers you that much I’ll do it on one condition….”

“Go on what’s that?”

“I’ll only get help if you go to the clinic tomorrow.”

“Fine you have a deal Fox.”

“Good now come here so I can hug you.”

“I thought you’d never ask Lover.”

I pulled Alex into my arms and didn’t want to let go, to me he was my everything if that made sense. I hugged him tight as the tears and reality of what happened sunk in.   



	53. Chapter 53

Shit I knew Fox was really suffering, I was afraid to actually ask him what happened out there.

“It hurts Alex, the pain that I felt.”

I remained quiet and let Fox talk, maybe it would be easier on him without any added pressure from me.

“It was all so humiliating Alex, but then I got past that because I thought I was going to die.”

I hugged him close to me and felt his pain, I knew he’d suffered and for that I was glad that they were dead.

“But then I realized that I deserved to die.”

“Fox don’t say that, you did nothing to deserve what they did to you.”

“I realized just how easy it was for them to humiliate me, but then I also realized that I was no better than them.”

“Shit Fox please don’t go there.”

“Why it’s the truth, they abused and killed people because they thought they were monsters and deserved it. How am I any better when I abused you, I believed that you was a monster and incapable of human feelings at all.”

“Jesus Fox is that what you truly think? At the time you abused me I was a fuckin monster. It was you who made me what I am now and without you I’d have been dead a long time ago. Don’t ever class yourself as the same as them Fox, I mean it as you are better than them and always will be.”

“I don’t know how you can believe that Alex when what I did was wrong, I can’t get it out of my head at the moment. Did I make you feel as humiliated Alex, did I make you feel like you were nothing but scum?”

“It was different Fox and you want answers that I can’t give you, I can’t put it into words how I felt at the time.”

Shit I could feel Fox pulling away from me, I knew I’d have to say something or I’d lose him.

“Fox I know that you’re hurting right now, but you have to believe me that it’s not the same. You were abused by a stranger and thought you’d die, as for me it was you who did it.”

“How the fuck can that make any difference Alex?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually kill me for one.”

“I might have for all you knew at the time.”

“Fox you have higher morals than me, but if it’s the truth you want so be it. I felt humiliated by you and degraded, you made me feel like I was nothing at all.”

“God I’m so sorry Alex, why do you want to be with me after everything I did?”

“What hurt the most was how you drugged me, you believed that sex and humiliation was all I deserved but then you learnt different.”

“Yeah I fell in love with you.”

“That’s why it’s not the same Fox.”

“So because I fell in love with you that gave me a right to do what I did, I never had the right to drug and rape you Alex.”

“It was different because I’d been in love with you for a long time, I would have given myself to you willingly. The pain and humiliation was because you didn’t love me and just saw me as nothing.”

“You should hate me because of that alone.”

“Fox I seem to get kicks out of been punished, I even went back there to punish myself and that wasn’t your doing.”

“Yeah I noticed, so did Skinner want to spank you Babe?”

“Well he threatened me after he said you should do it, but that’s me and who I am. I just can’t stand it when I know that you’re hurting so much and that I might lose you.”

“I take it you’re joking Alex?”

“What about?”

“You think that you might lose me, I know I can be a moody bastard and hard work but…”

“No kidding.”

“Hey I was just about to say that I’m not going anywhere, well apart from the trip to the clinic. I will stay for however long they keep you there, I’ve already told Skinner that too.”

“What don’t you trust me Fox?”

“As much as I love you Alex no, you think so little of yourself and that you’re worthless. When you get like that you have a habit of disappearing, then I have to suffer for months alone.”

“I’m sorry I did that to you Fox, at the time I believed it to be the right choice, That changed though and now you’re stuck with me, well that’s if you can cope with me Lover?”

“Anytime Babe.

I just hoped that Fox knew I meant it, there was no way that I could let him go now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex worried a lot about things, but to be honest he‘d opened up a lot more tonight than he normally did. I was glad that he could get past what I’d done to him, I just hoped that I could also get past what was done to me.

I woke up after a few hours’ sleep and felt somewhat better, I noticed that Alex was still fast asleep at the moment. I knew that he would need to be well rested with the day ahead of him, Alex would need me to be there for him today and my support. I also knew he was worried he’d fail most of the tests, however to me personally he seemed rather normal.

Alex believed that he wouldn’t be good enough for me if he failed. Test or no test I still loved him no matter what the outcome was. I finally dragged myself out of the bed, I also realized I’d need a coffee before I did anything else today. A quick glance at the clock and I saw it was only six and still early, we had another four hours before the appointment at the clinic.

I decided that I’d leave Alex in bed for another hour, I sank down onto the couch with my coffee and my thoughts. I struggled to get the images out of my head of what that bastard had done to me, however I knew that I couldn’t let it destroy the relationship I had with Alex. 

I sat and drank my coffee, I was just thinking about how much Alex had changed my life. I now had a reason to live, which was why there was no way I’d be leaving him alone at that clinic.

Who knows maybe it might only take a few hours and we could come home, neither one of us truly knew what to expect today until we got there. It was then that I heard Alex moving around, he was always such a turn on when he’d just woke up and I loved him so much.

“How long have you been up Fox?”

“Less than an hour Babe.”

“Good as long as you managed to get some sleep, you really did need some Lover.”

“Yeah I’m fine, I just thought I’d have a coffee and fully wake up before doing anything.”

“Yeah sounds good.”

“Sit down Babe, this is cold now so I’ll go and make some more.”

“Thanks Fox.”

I made us both a mug of coffee and returned to the room, Alex was still sat where I’d left him.

“How about you, are you all ready for today Babe?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be I guess.”

“Just do your best Babe, that’s all anyone asks of you.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Hey I’ll still love you regardless of the outcome.”

“Well that’s all that matters to me Fox.”

“You’ve done really well Babe, I’d even told Skinner how well you did on that case.”

“I’m surprised he wasn’t pissed off with us both!”

“I think he was more pissed off that I’d left you behind.”

“Yeah well I’m not surprised Fox, hell he’s suspended you before for rushing in on your own.”

“Yeah and then I rushed home and found you there.”

“Yeah but back then you were single and reckless, I don’t want to end up alone because of your stupidity.”

“Thanks for that Alex.”

“You know exactly what I mean Fox.”

“Yeah I do Babe, I also know it’s time we both got moving.”

“Yeah, shit I didn’t realize that was the time!”

We both took it in turns in the bathroom, we actually got ready far quicker than I’d expected we would. I even helped Alex attach his arm, I just hoped for his sake they offered him a far better one than this.

XXXXXXXXXX

We arrived at the clinic in good time, I had to admit that it felt strange coming back here again now. We were met by one of the nurses who’d treat me in the past, at least all the staff here seemed to be really friendly.

“Good day gentlemen it’s good to see you both again, I’ll show you to your room so you can get settled. I’m afraid that you’ll have some paperwork to fill out, you look a bit worried Alex can I just ask why?”

“Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to have to stay here?”

“We’ll just see how the day progresses then decide, just try not to worry about it too much though, Most of the tests are basic, we just thought you might feel better having your own room.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“We have a specialist here with regards to your arm, it will be easier and more private to do it in your own room.”

“Thanks for that, I wasn’t actually sure if you’d be able to do anything, I know that it’s going to take some work.”

“Right here we are, I’ll leave you both to get settled before the Doctor arrives.”

“Thank you.”

I looked around the room and really didn’t want to be here, maybe I should have just stayed at home after all.

“Alex why don’t you sit down? All your pacing is starting to make me feel nervous Babe.”

“Sorry Fox, I just don’t like it here that’s all.”

“Yeah I’d say that’s pretty obvious.”

We were interrupted by a knock at the door, the nurse entered and was accompanied by someone else.

“Alex this is Thomas Ross he’s a qualified prosthetist and here to help you, I’m going to leave him here so that he can explain a few things to you if that’s okay.”

“Yeah that’s fine.” 

“It’s nice to meet you both, you can also just call me Tom as it’s friendlier. To start with you need to understand this takes time, I’ll be working on and off with you for a long time.”

“I don’t have to stay here the whole time do I?”

“No, however I do recommend that you stay for at least a week, then after that it would just be hourly visits from time to time.”

“Yeah okay I guess I’ll survive a week.”

“At the end of the day you’ll be glad you stayed, we can offer you an arm that can allow you to do so much.”

“Will I be able to drive legally again?”

“I don’t see why not once you get used to it, the more you use it the easier it’ll become.”

“Great I wouldn’t have to expect Fox to do so much for me.

“Well if it’s okay I’ll measure you up today?”

“Yeah I guess the sooner we start the sooner I’ll have a new arm.”

“We will measure you for a socket first and then the arm itself.”

“How long will the arm take to be made?”

“Specialists will make them within a couple of days.”

“What about the price, no one has told me yet how much all of this will cost?”

“The cost isn't an issue, I’ve been told that we were to provide the best possible arm and that the cost has already been met.”

“Who by?”

“I have no idea, I will try and find out if you want?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind.”

“Very well, while we wait for the arm the staff here can do their tests.”

“Yeah okay then.”

“We will spend the rest of the week working hard alongside you, the harder you work the faster you leave. Then afterwards it will require us to make sure you come now and again so we can check on it.”

“Yeah okay, will I have to come here and do it?”

“We will sort something out before you leave here.”

“Yeah that all sounds okay.”

“You’re welcome and I’m looking forward to working with you, right I’ll go and get my stuff so we can start.”

I sat and waited for him to return, I guess things were looking up after all. At least I’d have a lot more freedom if I could drive again, even though I’d noticed Fox didn’t look to happy about it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great give Alex too much freedom and God knows what would happen, I’d be glad for him to have independence to a certain degree. He appeared to get on with Tom which was good, I was also hoping they’d keep him busy over the upcoming week. Alex and boredom wasn’t a good mix at all, he always had a habit of just disappearing.

Great it was then that I realized I’d have to leave Alex here alone after all, Alex had refused to bring any clothes with him or anything. He claimed he was tempting fate by bringing an overnight bag with him, yet all I could think about was the last time I left him here alone.

“Fox what’s the matter?”

“Alex I told you to pack some stuff, now I’m going to have to go back home soon.”

“I’m sorry Fox, it was stupid I know.”

“Yeah really stupid.”

“Gee thanks, there’s something else bothering you isn’t there?”

“No there isn’t"

“Out with it Fox.”

“I’m fine so just drop it Alex.”

“Oh shit I just realized what it is, you’re afraid to leave me here in case I disappear again.”

“Yeah I know that I’m pathetic.”

“Fox I love you more than life itself, I swear that I’m not going anywhere. Shit I’d be staying even if you wanted me to leave, I wouldn’t go unless you forced me Fox.”

“I’m sorry I’m just scared to be without you again, we’ve wasted so much time over the years and I regret that so much”

“Fox just go, I promise you Lover that I’ll be here when you get back.”

I got up and gave Alex a lingering kiss, I knew that I’d have to trust him sooner or later."

“I won’t be long I promise.”

“Yeah okay Fox, just remember that I love you.”

I left Alex and drove back home, I was tempted to ring the clinic but knew better. I opened a bag and placed it on the bed, I was just about to start packing it as the phone rang.

“Mulder.”

“Agent Mulder it's Skinner.”

“What can I do for you Sir?”

“I was just checking that you’re both okay and that Alex went.”

“Yes Sir he’s there now, I had to come home for some stuff. I meant to speak to you at some point Sir.”

“Why what’s the matter?”

“Alex has to stay at the clinic for a full week.”

“Let me guess, you want to spend the week there with him.”

“Yes Sir if it’s possible, I don’t think I’d be of much use at work anyway.”

“To be honest I think it’ll do you both some good.”

“Thank you Sir, was there anything else?”

“Can you call at the Hoover on your way back?”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“There’s an envelope on your desk Agent Mulder, I’m out of the office today or I’d have brought it to you.”

“Fine I’ll collect it in about an hour.”

“Very well I’ll see you in a week Agent Mulder.”

I hung up and went back to my packing, I planned to take enough to last the entire week for both of us. I managed to finally find everything and pack it, I locked back up and then returned to my car. 

I guess my first stop would have to be my office, not that Skinner had told me what the envelope was regarding. When I got there I was delayed as a couple of Agents stopped to talk, I was glad of the peace when I finally made it into the basement.

It always felt strange here now I was working the X files on my own yet again, two partners and I’d lost them both. I had to admit I’d got something out of my partners, Scully was a good friend and Alex had become my Lover.

I went over to my desk and flicked through the mail, I found a big brown envelope with a sticky note attached. It was from Skinner himself, apparently though it was addressed to Alex and not me.

XXXXXXXXXX

It had gone well and I’d been measured for my new arm, I’d been assured that within time I’d be able to do most things again. So now I had to wait two days and do what the clinic wanted, first they’d ordered an M.R.I scan. I was hoping that Fox would be back before then, however it turned out that he’d gone for longer than I thought.

As it was the scan only took twenty minutes, yet when I returned to my room it was still empty and I was alone. The nurse returned and brought me a fresh coffee, I was just glad to have the company.

“How are you doing Alex?”

“I’m good, better than expected actually.”

“We can arrange to bring you some food, or you can go get some yourself as you’re free to come and go.”

“What I can just leave the premises?”

“You can if that’s what you want, you can pretty much go wherever you want. All that we ask is that you return by eleven on an evening, it’s just we lock the doors around that time.”

“That’s great, have I got any more tests today or is that it?”

”You were only booked in for the scan today.”

“Have you got any idea what I’ve got tomorrow?”

“We’ll be doing a couple of fitness tests, so you will need to make sure you don’t tire yourself out.”

“I’ll try not to then.”

“Oh and also the prosthetist Tom will be calling by again, he wants you to do some exercise with your left arm.”

“I thought I wasn’t getting the arm for a couple of days?”

“Yes Tom just wants you to be ready and prepared to have the arm attached.”

“Do you know if the arm will be as good as they claim?”

“Apparently so from what I’ve heard, however it will take time, effort, strength along with patience and determination. There will be a lot to learn at the beginning, given time though it will become second nature with practice.”

“I’m willing to put the time in as I want this to work.”

“That’s the best attitude you can have Alex, also emotions can play a major part in how fast you recover. You will need to have someone with you every step of the way.”

“Yeah I’m lucky that I have Fox to support me.”

“Yes I’m sure he’ll take good care of you. Just remember if you have a bad day and fail, there will be plenty more days for you to try again.”

“Yeah very true.”

“Tom took the plaster cast of your residual limb, with that they make a socket for the arm to attach to. The socket has to fit perfect, otherwise you will be in severe pain.”

“It sounds like technology has come a long way over the years.”

“Very much so.”

“Well thanks anyway for explaining everything to me.”

“It’s my pleasure, I suppose I ought to go and get some more work done.”

“Yeah okay then.”

“I sat there for another twenty minutes alone and bored, it was then that Fox finally turned back up.”

“Fox how much stuff have you brought, it’s only one week you know?”

“Yeah well this way I won’t have to go back will I?”

“Yeah okay Lover, I was beginning to think you’d got lost anyway.”

“Skinner phoned to see if we came and to see if you’re okay, also he gave me the whole week off.”

“I’m glad Fox, it’ll be far better with you here.”

“Skinner also wanted me to call into my office, apparently I had to pick up an envelope for you.”

I took the envelope and threw it onto the bed before hugging Fox.

“I’ll look at it later Lover, they said we’re allowed out until eleven tonight. God it’s like been a teenager and having to sneak out, anyway I thought we could go out and get something to eat?”

“Yeah sounds good Babe.”

I felt a lot better now I had Fox back here with me, as a bonus we could also go out for a bit too.


	54. Chapter 54

Well I had to admit Alex was in a good mood, it made me happy to see him smiling like that.

“So where are we going then Babe?”

“I don’t care Fox, we can go anywhere as long as we get away from here for a bit.”

“Fine we can go and get a meal then or just go to a drive thru.”

“The drive thru will do lover, then we can just go for a drive somewhere.”

“Fine come on then Babe let’s go.”

We went to the nearest drive through, I ordered some food and a coffee each.

“Is there anything else you want Alex?”

“No I’m fine Fox, all I wanted was for us to spend some time together.”

I knew Alex was still suffering from the recent events, I think he was just trying to prove himself to me. I was still waiting for him to mention my experience and ask when I plan on getting some help.

“Well Alex it looks like we’ll have a whole week together.”

“Yeah it will be good, even though I’m going to be busy most of that time.”

“Hey you’ll cope Babe.”

“Don’t moan at me then if I get fed up and become moody.”

“Then I’ll have to spank you Babe.”

“Anytime Lover and you know that.”

“Alex are you really okay? It’s just so much has happened in the last week alone.”

“I’m fine, I just want to hear about the case and for it all to end.”

“Alex what with the bodies and everything else you’ll be fine they won’tcharge you, it will be really straight forward now.”

“God I hope so, I really don’t want to have to go to court and face all the questions.”

“I’ll have a word with Skinner in the morning, I’m sure they’d take what you’ve suffered into account too.”

“Maybe I should just get a good lawyer?”

“Alex you won’t need one I promise.”

“I hope not, it was either you or them Fox so what choice was there really?”

“I know Babe but it’s not the first time though is it? You did it with Cole too, then there was also my Father.”

“Yeah I seem to make it a habit to keep saving your ass Lover and maybe that should tell you something!”

“That I’m totally irresistible and that you love me more than anything else, so you think that I’m worth the hassle of saving.”

“Of course you are Lover, I was trying to keep you alive for years. I believed that I could never have you, but hell I didn’t want anything to happen to you either.”

“I’m lucky to have you Alex.”

“Hey it works two ways Lover.”

“Come on we’d better get a move on, we’ll need to get you back before your curfew Babe.”

“Yeah we don’t want to get in their bad books on the first day do we? Especially if we’re stuck there for a whole week Lover.”

It took another hour to finish eating and drive back, I think by then we were both becoming really tired. We checked in with the nurse at reception, we just wanted to let them know we were back for the night.

“Alex do you want a shower Babe?”

“No I’m too tired, I’ll just grab one early in the morning so I feel refreshed.”

“Yeah I think I will too.”

I watched as Alex disappeared to clean his teeth and get a wash, afterwards it was my turn to do the same. When I came out Alex was already in bed, I was just glad that he was still awake though.

“Come on Lover come to bed.”

I got into bed and held Alex in my arms, I found I could sleep far better with him there.

XXXXXXXXXX

The only good thing about being here was Fox, I’d rather wake up with him at my side than alone.

“Morning Lover do you fancy a shower?”

“What time is it Alex?”

“It’s only eight so it’s still early.”

“I just want to stay here for now with you Babe.”

“Yeah okay I’d like that.”

“Are you okay about today Alex?”

“Yeah I guess I’m just worried the arm doesn’t work out, what if I hope for it to work too much and it fails?”

“Hey think positive Babe, it’s not worth thinking like this so early on.”

“Yeah I know, I guess I just get a bit worked up over things at times.”

“Well remember we’re in this together Babe, did you get around to opening that envelope from Skinner at all?”

“No not yet, I guess it was strange as to why it was addressed to me and not you?”

“Yeah I did wonder about that myself.”

“Come on we’d better get a shower, then I promise I’ll read it and see what it says.”

“Yeah okay Babe.”

I followed Fox into the bathroom and turned the shower on, I was looking forward to a long hot shower. I stepped under the shower while Fox had a shave, it felt really good to be clean once more and totally relaxing.

It was then that I felt Fox put his arm around me, he held me tight and kissed my neck as he whispered to me.

“You’re gorgeous Alex, I could stay here all day like this just holding you.”

“Fox I think the water would eventually run cold, also unfortunately times getting on Lover and we have a busy day ahead of us.”

“Yeah I guess we’d better both get washed and dressed then.”

It felt like heaven as Fox massaged the shampoo into my hair, I had to admit doing some things one handed was a pain.

“God that feels so good Lover.”

You feel so good Babe.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“You wait until later Babe, be a good boy and then tonight I might make love to you!”

“Promises, I’ll hold you to that later on Fox.”

“Don’t worry as it’ll be my pleasure.”

We finally finished up in the bathroom and got dressed, it wasn’t long after that when Tom arrived.

“Good morning gentlemen, we’ve got some work to be getting on with today.”

“Sooner the better I guess, so what’s the plan for today then?”

“Your arm should be ready by tomorrow, I thought today I’d show you how to look after it.”

“Yeah okay, is it fairly easy then?”

“I’ve brought a spare arm, basically it’s just to show you how to put it on and remove it. You will also have to protect your stump with the socket, which has to be fitted correctly at all times Alex.”

“Okay will I need help with it all the time, or will it just get easier as time goes on?”

“Oh it will get far easier Alex so don’t worry about that.”

We started working at it and would do so for a few hours to come. Tom turned out to be really useful and very patient, which was good when it came to working with me, I guess that I’d always been lacking when it came to patience. 

Over time Fox had learnt to have patience with me, he’d also taught me how to be patient with things. However certain things I could never be patient with, I started thinking about tonight and the promise Fox had made to me. I was never patient when it came to sex, yet somehow Fox always managed to make me wait.

“Are you still listening Alex? You appear to be miles away that’s all.”

“Yeah I just got a little side tracked that was all, sorry.”

I looked at Fox and gave him a sexy grin, I could tell by the smile back he knew why I’d been side-tracked. 

XXXXXXXXXX

I guess I’d felt a bit left out at times, it was only natural that some things I couldn’t help with. I could see the strain it was having upon Alex, I knew he’d be tired tonight and ache far more than normal. Every time he looked at me I felt special, I also knew Alex and that he had a very dirty mind.

Soon Tom decided to call it a day, apparently he was really pleased with how fast Alex was learning it all. He believed that he’d soon get the hang of his own arm, just as long as he could remain patient.

Alex proved to be the model patient over the next few days, he couldn’t have been any more pleased with his new arm and what he could do. His ability to learn had been amazing, maybe it was thought of doing so much more with this new advanced one.

Personally I thought Alex was far stronger than he himself believed, he’d been through so much over the years and had survived it all. We only had one more night here and then he would be allowed home, well that was providing the report was satisfactory. 

Alex was just sat there miles away and deep in thought, I knew that he was really worried about the results tomorrow.

“Hey Alex do you want to stay in tonight?”

“Why what was you thinking?”

“I thought we could maybe go see a movie or something, what do you think Alex?”

“Yeah I’m fine with whatever you decide, all I want is something that will pass the time.”

“I’m sure we can manage that Alex.”

“I’d better just go and check that it’s okay first.”

“Yeah okay Babe, I’ll go for a quick shower while I’m waiting.”

“Yeah well I won’t be long anyway, then I might join you in the shower Lover.”

“I can’t wait.”

Alex went off to find the nurse while I showered, I’d brought the idea up about going out somewhere tonight. Shit now I knew I’d really have to think of somewhere to go, I wanted it to be somewhere Alex would feel happy and relaxed.

I was busy washing myself when I felt him press his naked body up against mine, he then reached around and grabbed hold of my cock.

“Come for me Lover.”

“Jesus Alex you just been here makes me want to come.”

I had to rest against the tiles with my hands, he’d suddenly let go and was now inserting his fingers in me one by one. I had no choice but to grab hold of my abandoned cock, shit then I felt Alex’s fingers withdraw from my body.

“Alex?”

Shit then he smacked me really hard across my bare ass, I guess that I’d done something to displease him.

“Please don’t leave me like this Babe!”

“Put your hand back on the wall Fox, be good and I might just carry on from where I left off.”

“Shit you’re a cruel man Alex.”

“Do it now Fox, this is your last chance.”

I knew by his tone of voice that he meant it, obviously Alex was in the mood to be in control tonight. I placed my hand back against the cool tiles, then I felt his fingers re-enter me and search for my prostate.

“Jesus I really need to come Babe.”

“All in good time Lover.”

I felt Alex remove his fingers once more, however they were soon to be replaced by his own fully erect cock.

“God you’re so tight Lover, but hell it feels so good.”

“Alex please?”

“What Fox, come on tell me what you want Lover?”

“God you know what I want Alex.”

“Beg Fox, beg and I might just let you come.”

“Fine whatever, please I’m begging you Alex to just let me come and I promise I’ll do whatever you want Babe.”

I Felt Alex tense up and come deep within my ass as he collapsed against me, shit no he could finish what he started.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex please Babe.”

I pushed myself back up so I was standing upright.

“Fox turn around Lover.”

I watched as he did what I asked, I could tell by his face that he was really desperate now. I held on to him as I knelt down and took him in my mouth, the noises he made meant it had been worthwhile making him wait.

“Come for me Lover.”

I didn’t have to ask Fox twice, I greedily swallowed his come and cleaned his spent cock.

“Jesus Alex you know how to keep someone hanging on.”

“Hey you’ve done it to me loads of times Lover.”

“Yeah and I will again Alex, come on we’d better clean up and get out before the wasters cold.”

“Yeah true.”

We both made sure we were clean before getting out, I then sat on the bed just staring as Fox started to dress.

“Alex are going to actually get dressed, oh and did the staff say whether we can go out or not?”

“Yeah I’m moving Fox, I’ll just need a bit of extra time to dress that’s all.”

“How come, nothing’s wrong is it Babe?”

“They said that we can go out, also they thought it’d be a good idea to wear my arm.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“It will be good to see how I manage out there with it.”

“Yeah true, I guess it’ll also help them with their report too.”

“Yeah come on we’d better get moving if we have to be back by eleven Fox.”

“Okay but have you thought about where you want to go Babe?”

“Yeah but you won’t like it Fox.”

“Great why do I suddenly have a bad feeling about this, come on out with it Alex.”

“I want us to drive out to some remote location.”

“Okay dare I ask why?”

“I’ll tell you when we get there Lover.”

Fox became silent and was lost in his thoughts, I knew he was trying to figure out what I had planned. I just carried on getting dressed and ignored him, it hadn’t taken as long as I’d thought to attach the arm.

At first it had felt really fake and strange and I hated it, however each day that passed I liked it more and more. I was learning how to pick things up, also how much strength it had and how to use it. Whoever was picking up the tab must have some serious money, it was state of the art and no expense had been spared.

Okay in all honesty it looked more like the arm from a robot, however once I put the glove on no one could tell the difference.

“Right I’m ready so how about you Lover?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I don’t like been kept in the dark Alex.”

“You worry far too much Fox, it’s not good for you either.”

“Alex I have you as a Lover, believe me that’s reason enough to worry.”

“I hope you meant that in a good way Lover.”

“Yeah come on before I change my mind.”

We got into the car and set off, Fox kept looking at me to see if I’d reveal what I was doing.

“Fox just drive and look where you’re going, otherwise you’ll just end up crashing the car.”

“Fine this should be okay for you, we’ve come miles from civilization for God knows what.”

“Fine stop the car then.”

When Fox stopped I got out, I then went to his side of the car and opened his door.

“Get out Fox I’m driving!”

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit Alex are you insane?”

“Fox I’m right handed anyway, if you hadn’t noticed I do still have a right arm. I will only be using my left one mainly for the gears so I’ll cope.”

“Alex you need to wait until you get the report back, that way you’ll know whether it’s safe to drive or not.”

“Fox I’m a big boy and it’s something that I want to do.”

“Well I’m sorry but it’s my car and I’m saying no, I’m not letting you risk your life like that.”

“Fox I’ll go twenty miles an hour if it makes you happy, or is that still not good enough?”

“Alex you’re not driving the car so end of story.”

I couldn’t believe it when Alex slammed the car door shut, he then just turned around and started walking away. I was left with no choice but to get out of the car and go after him.

“Alex where the hell are you going?”

“I’m walking back as I can’t be arsed with you Fox, you never trust me at all no matter what it's regarding do you?”

“It’s not about trust Alex.”

“It’s all about trust Fox and always has been.”

“Jesus Alex, it’s about you not killing yourself.”

“I’ve been driving a fuckin car for years, you make it sound like I don’t know how to drive one.”

“Alex you should listen to yourself, shit you’re been totally unreasonable.”

“Fuck off and go back then if that’s what you think.”

“I’m not going back without you Alex.”

“Like I said, I’m a big boy and can do what the fuck I want.”

I couldn’t believe that Alex was behaving like this, everything had been really good between us before we set off. Shit suddenly I started to feel really sick as I realized what he’d done.

“You bastard, you had it planned all along didn’t you, even back in the clinic you used me. You didn’t want to have sex with me because you love me….”

“What the fuck are you talking about now?”

“You Alex, you used sex to butter me up and get your own way.”

“So what if I did Fox?”

“You arrogant bastard, like I didn’t already feel dirty enough. Well fuck you Alex.”

Without even thinking I raised my hand, however I never got a chance to use it. Suddenly I was grabbed by my wrist, shit Alex squeezed tight and forced me to my knees.

“You can stay there Fox, and don’t dare claim that I made you feel dirty after what you did to me. I learnt a long time ago Fox that sex can be a powerful weapon, yet I’ve not once abused you.”

Alex walked to the car without even looking back, also like an idiot I’d left the keys in it.

“Fine you go and fuckin kill yourself, see if I care Alex.”

Shit the trouble was I cared too much, yet there was no way at all I could stop him when he was like this. I watched as Alex got into the driver’s seat, he then sat there a few moments just revving the engine up.

It wasn’t a bureau car, it was my own car and far too powerful for Alex to start with. Yet all I could do was sit there rubbing my rather sore wrist, whilst Alex on the other hand screeched away. He must have reached a hundred miles an hour, he then screeched to a stop and spun the car around.

Alex drove back to where I was still sat on the ground, he put his foot down and stopped inches from me. I never even moved as he reached across and opened the passenger side door, he then just held his hand out to me.

“Get in Fox.”

“Fuck you Alex.”

“Fox I’ll just leave you here if that’s what you want?”

“Please yourself Alex, but I’m not getting in the car with you that’s for sure.”

“Fine your loss Fox.”

With that Alex drove away in my car, shit I knew that I was miles from anywhere and my wallet was in the car. I guess I couldn’t even get a cab back, what the hell I’d just start walking as I had nothing to hurry back for.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well as much as I was enjoying the high I felt guilty about what I’d done, I knew that I’d been way out of line back there. I guess it was just after going so long having to depend on others, I knew Fox was a stubborn bastard and would get a cab back. 

I decided I’d go for a drive first, deep down I knew the confrontation to come was going to be ugly. I wasn’t ready to deal with any of that right now, all I wanted was some time to feel like I was human once more.

Also the clinic had asked me to test out my new arm, I had to admit that I’d managed to steer the car with my left hand without incident. I pulled over and punched the steering wheel, yeah my arm had worked far better than even I had expected. The very same arm that had grabbed my lover's wrist, I’d then used my strength to force him down onto his knees. 

I’d wanted an arm to make me whole again, not to use it to abuse and hurt the man I love so much. I looked at the fuel gage and knew I’d need a gas station soon, I decided to drive to the nearest one and fuel up.

I opened the glove compartment and knew what I had to do, there inside was Fox’s wallet along with his phone. That meant that he had no way of getting back, well other than walking all the way. I paid for the gas and turned the car around, it was time to go and confront Fox. I drove back the way I’d just come, Fox hadn’t got very far so must have just set off.

I pulled up alongside him and got out of the car, I held out the car keys to let him know he could drive. Before I could say anything Fox snatched the keys out of my hand, he then turned fast and punched me full on in the face.

“Shit my fuckin nose, I swear you’ve broke it.”

“I’ll say this once and only once, get in the car now.”

“Fox please.”

“Get in this fuckin car right now.”

“Fox please at least listen.”

“Shut the fuck up, what you did was totally fuckin stupid and reckless.”

Shit I knew that there was no point talking to Fox at the moment, it wasn’t like I had a hope in hell of him listening.

“Here use this cloth to clean your face up.”

“Thanks Fox.”

“Alex it’s only because I don’t want you bleeding in my car, I don’t want your thanks and I don’t even want you to talk to me. Despite what you might think of me I wouldn’t leave you here, that’s the only reason you’re in my car right now.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him, I knew I’d hurt Fox so much by my actions and I’d also hurt myself. I put my head back against the headrest, hopefully my nose would stop bleeding soon. 

At some point I must have fallen asleep, Fox was waking me to tell me we were back at the clinic. We both got out and went inside, it was then that I was stopped by the nurse.

“Is everything alright gentlemen?”

“Yeah a bed of roses, talking of bed that’s where I’m going right now.”

I turned and heard Fox now talk to the nurse, I couldn’t quite catch what he was saying to her though. I heard her tell Fox that he could take a seat and wait, I guess I’d find out soon enough.

I just carried on to the room as I’d had enough for today, also I really would need some sleep soon. I was in there less than two minutes when the knock came, great couldn’t anyone just leave me alone.

“Yeah come in.”

“Alex what’s gone on this evening?”

Great now I was going to have to explain myself to the nurse on duty.

“It’s nothing so don’t worry about it.”

“Is that why your partners out there very stressed out and agitated? He’s even asked if we have a spare room he can use for tonight, to be honest I think he’ll leave if this isn’t sorted out.”

“So what do you want me to do about it?”

“I know you’re tired but you really need to talk, I want to get someone who’s willing to talk to the pair of you.”

“Fine whatever, I will need some sleep soon though as I’m exhausted.”

The nurse said it would only take her a few minutes, great now we’d have to discuss everything in front of a fuckin physiatrist. I got up and removed my tee shirt along with the fake arm, then I felt self-conscious and put the tee shirt back on. Suddenly looking at the arm made me feel sick, I would have to hope I hadn’t hurt his wrist too much.


	55. Chapter 55

I sat in the reception area waiting for the nurse to return, I just wanted to get this over with so I could have my wrist looked at. When the nurse returned she wasn’t alone, apparently she’d already noticed me holding my wrist.

“Right Mr Mulder this is our resident psychiatrist Mike. He will be accompanying you so you can discuss things with Alex, he’s aware of Alex’s past problems as he’s spoke to him before.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for this.”

“You’re welcome Mr Mulder, could I also be cheeky and ask to look at your wrist?”

I held out my arm and pulled my sleeve up, my wrist had turned black and purple now.

“Mr Mulder can I ask you what happened, as some force must have been used, you can even see the finger marks.”

“Alex grabbed me that’s all.”

“I take it he used the prosthesis?”

“Yeah.”

“Right go with Mike then, afterwards we’ll get your wrist sorted out.”

“Thanks, you might also want to have a look at Alex’s nose too.”

“Don’t worry we’ll take a look at Alex too as I’ll arrange that, you can go with Mike now.”

I followed Mike into the room and sat down, I noticed Alex was sat over on the bed.

“Right I’ve come to talk to the pair of you, however we can’t deal with it all tonight as it’ll take time. There are a lot of previous issues we need to deal with too. We can discuss it all tomorrow.”

I sat there and just nodded my head, I looked up to see Alex watching me in silence. Shit he looked so sad and vulnerable sat there, I didn’t have it in myself to punish him the way he wanted.

“Alex do you want Fox to go home? Do you feel happy about been alone all night if he does go home?”

“No I don’t want to be here alone, please I won’t stay here I’ll just leave.”

“Well don’t you think you should be talking to Fox?”

I looked over at Alex and saw the tears, trouble was I knew he wasn’t lying. If I left here tonight he’d be gone before morning, however if he carried on been so reckless he’d end up dead one way or another.

“Alex?”

“Yeah.”

“Talk to Fox if you want him to stay here.”

“Fox I’m so sorry for what I did.”

“I’ll stay tonight on the couch, then tomorrow we will talk Alex okay?”

“Yeah and thanks for this Fox.”

I knew inside that he was heartbroken, he really saw every little disagreement as rejection.

“Fox is right and you can discuss this further after some sleep, you Alex need to deal with this reckless behaviour and find an outlet for it.”

God Alex was gorgeous when he was sulking, which was something he did a lot if he wasn’t getting his own way.

“Right I’ll let the nurse come and check you out Alex, as for you Fox I think you should have an x-ray.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Come on then I’ll take you there now.”

I got up and walked towards the door, it was then that I heard Alex call my name.

“Fox.”

“What Alex?”

“Are you coming back?”

“Alex I told you I’d stay here tonight and I will, look I promise so don’t worry.”

“Thanks Fox.”

I went to the X ray department where they checked my arm, well luckily it turned out not to be broken. I was glad as it would have been hard going back to work otherwise. The Doctor also examined it, Jesus it hurt far more than I’d expected when he touched it. 

“I’d say it’s going to hurt for a few days or so, you’ve received some severe bruising around your wrist.”

“Yeah I think Alex will have to work hard on using that arm, especially when it comes to grabbing things.”

“Yes I totally agree, right you can go and get some sleep now as you look exhausted too.”

I thanked the Doctor and made my way back to the room, back to Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

The nurse showed up and checked my face out, it was already starting to heal and nothing was broken.

“Thanks, can I finally get some sleep now?”

“Yes that’s okay, tomorrow Mike will want to talk to you both.”

“Will I still be able to leave tomorrow?”

“Yeah I’m sure that everything should still be okay, you seemed to be doing okay right up until tonight. Just remember I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.”

“Yeah thanks for that, but basically it was me who fucked up plain and simple.”

“Well you might be pleased to know his wrist isn't broken, however Agent Mulder's wrist is severely bruised.”

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“Right I’ll see you in the morning, get some sleep Alex as it’ll do you some good.”

I sat there on the bed replaying the day’s events, I was a fuckin idiot plain and simple. I rummaged around in the bag looking for clean clothes, I wanted everything to be ready for morning so I’d could leave. It was then that I noticed the large brown envelope, shit I’d forgot all about it.

It was nearly a week since Fox had brought it here, I still had to wonder why Skinner had sent it to me. Well the only way I‘d find out is by opening it, I picked it up and took it over to the bed. As soon as I was comfy I opened it up, I then tipped the contents onto the bed to find various pieces of paper... I also noticed the letter from Skinner. 

Well I decided that would be the best place to start, maybe shed some light onto what all this is about. 

Alex I know we’ve had our differences in the past, also the past is where they’ll stay now. Despite everything that’s happened you tried to sort your life out, without your commitment and intelligence we’d have lost one of our best Agents.

You seem to make a habit out of saving Agent Mulder's life, for that I’m totally grateful. You will find enclosed some documents, they state that you were officially working undercover for me. The letters will explain how you worked for me and was trying to become a consortium member, you were officially discharged from the F.B.I upon the loss of your arm that happened while undercover in Russia.

You will find that you have a cheque for compensation, also all medical expenses will be met by the bureau. That’s the reason why no expense is to be spared on your recovery, you will also have certain rights once you leave the hospital. You will also still have full use of all training facilities, also someone will come once a week to help with the prosthesis.

Once again thank you for what you did and here’s to a new start. Walter Skinner

I sat there just staring at the letter, effectively Walter Skinner had pretty much rewritten my past and I was a fuckin idiot for not seeing what everyone was trying to do for me. I’d been thinking about starting my own security business in the future, it would look far better as an ex-Agent than an ex-assassin.

I could start all over, a good job and a perfect partner if I just bucked up my ideas. I looked through the rest of the paperwork, the majority of it was on official F.B.I paper and stamped.

Any spare time I had I’d be able to spend it in the gym, also I was to have full access to weapon training too. I would be able to re-apply for my gun license, everything now would depend on the clinic’s final report. Shit then it would also depend on the shrink, whether he thought I was mad or not.

I picked up all the documents and replaced them, I then went and put the envelope on the table under the light. It felt like it’d been such a long day, I just wanted to get some sleep and for tomorrow to come.

I used the bathroom and stripped for bed, I then turned the light low so Fox could see when he returned. Once I was finally sorted I got into bed, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to finally claim me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had my wrist strapped up and it would remain that way for a couple of days, it was just until the swelling went down. Now I’d have to be exceptionally nice to Skinner, I need him to get a cab here and drive my car back.

Soon I was back at the room and let myself in, the only form of light was the lamp turned low. I just went into a cupboard and found a pillow, it didn’t take long to also locate a blanket to go with it.

Before I settled on the couch I checked Alex, he was fast asleep and looked so peaceful so I never disturbed him. I knew sleep would come soon as I was exhausted, also tomorrow was when Alex would get his report.

The next thing I knew I was awake once more, I just lay there trying to figure out what had woke me. It was then that I realized the noise came from the bed, it appeared that Alex was talking in his sleep. I lay there just listening, I was trying to hear what Alex was saying.

“Daddy  please don’t do that, no please it hurts so much. I’ll be good Daddy I promise just don’t hurt me again.”

Suddenly Alex started moving around on the bed, then his voice became even louder and far more distressed.

“No not my arm, please God no don’t take my arm.”

I got up off the couch and went over to him, I couldn’t just stand here and watch him suffer like this. I got into the bed and lay with him in my arms, I then lent forward and kissed him gently on his forehead.

“Alex its okay Babe go to sleep, I’m here for you Alex and you’re safe.”

“Fox they want my arm, please God don’t let them take my arm again.”

“Alex I’ve got you Babe, I promise that I won’t let them hurt you or have your arm.”

When morning came it was a bright warm day, it was then that I realized Alex was awake and looking at me.

“Fox you hate me and I thought you were sleeping on the couch?”

“Firstly I don’t hate you Alex, sometimes I might hate the things you do. I love you and that’s why it hurts so much, especially when you act like you don’t care at all.”

“Yeah I know I was stupid.”

“Alex I’m not just going to kiss and make up, sweep it under the table like it never even happened. You have to get professional help before it gets out of hand.”

“Maybe you can punish me then Lover?”

“Alex I love you too much, I’m sorry but I can’t hurt you like that.”

“Yeah sorry, I know it’s a lot to ask.”

“Come on we can discuss that later on, we need to get up Babe.”

“Yeah true, because of me we now have to deal with a shrink too.”

Soon we were up showered and dressed, Alex filled me in on the mysterious letter from Skinner too. I couldn’t believe he’d gone well out of his way to do all that to help Alex, well I guess it was about time I gave him a call anyway.

“Assistant Director Skinner speaking.”

“Sir it’s me Agent Mulder.”

“What’s the matter Agent?”

“You do it every time, there you go again presuming something's wrong Sir.”

“Agent Mulder that’s because there’s nearly always something up, so come on out with it.”

“Can you get a cab here Sir, then drive my car back along with Alex and myself?”

“Dare I ask why Agent Mulder?”

“We had an argument and Alex grabbed my wrist, shame he hasn’t learnt how tight that thing can grip.”

“He needs some sort of punishment Agent Mulder, he’s reckless and has to be punished so that he knows it’s wrong. Alex has to find an outlet for the pain, that’s the only way he’ll move on Agent Mulder.”

“How come you know so much Sir?”

“I was in Vietnam Agent Mulder, we felt the same and believed we’d done wrong so we had to be punished.”

“So what did you do about it Sir?”

“I’ll give you a card when I see you, then maybe you can both discuss it between you.”

“Yeah okay thanks Sir.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Fox informed me that Skinner would be coming shortly, he would also be driving us both back to D.C. However there was then a knock at the door, the Doctor had brought my final report along with the shrink.

“Right gentlemen let’s get on with this shall we? I will only be highlighting certain things as you can read the report yourself.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Right we are pleased to say you passed most things with flying colors, your stamina and ability was well above average after everything you’ve suffered. Apparently, there was a problem yesterday that warranted Mike’s involvement.”

“Yeah a couple of things got out of hand that’s all.”

“Alex you have to realize that what you did was serious, I have shown Mike the results of all your mentality tests.”

“Great so I failed them then?”

“I thought as Mike was here I could just tell everyone at the same time, no Alex you didn’t fail any of your tests.”

“So no offence to you Mike, but I guess I won’t need your help after all.”

“That’s because your problem has nothing to do with the brain injury.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s you Alex, part of your nature. You’re reckless and don’t stop to think at all about the consequences. You’re a rebel without a cause, all it will do is get you into trouble.”

“Gee thanks lay it thick why not, I still don’t see why I need a shrink though.”

“Because Alex I believe it’s something in your past that made you like that, you don’t want anyone to see that you have a weak side too.”

“I don’t have a weak side.”

“See that’s my point proven, everyone has a weak side in life, yet you just won’t accept that.”

“Great so what happens now then?”

“Any aftercare has to be dealt with through the F.B.I now, you have a very colorful past but with friends who are there for you.”

“Yeah I know and I’m grateful for that.”

“Well Tom’s the arm expert and he’ll come out once a month, also Mike here will be paying you a visit too. I believe it will be good for them to see you in a natural environment.” 

“Great so can I leave now then?”

“Alex you had better be paying attention.”

“Yeah so don't worry.”

“You’ll be given some follow up exercises, Agent Mulder here will be able to help with some of them. Well I believe that’s about everything, I hope I don’t have to see you here again.”

“Not if I can help it, thank you for everything you’ve all done for me though while I was here.”

“It’s my pleasure, right you can pack and leave as soon as you’re ready.”

The Doctor handed me the report as he left, I was just glad that I could finally leave here.

“So when’s Skinner coming?”

“Anytime now so make sure you pack everything.”

“Yeah I’m on it.”

Soon we had everything packed up and in the car, just then a cab pulled up with Skinner.

“Right come on you two, get in the car as I have a busy day today. I take it that you both do want to go home today?”

“Yeah I can’t wait.”

“Oh yes I forgot that I need a few words with you Alex.”

Great now I suddenly felt really nervous, I just got into the car and remained quiet. I had this ball they gave me, apparently I was meant to practice squeezing it. I decided to sit there and use it, maybe it would relieve some of the stress I was feeling.

“Alex wake up.”

“I am awake, why what’s the matter?”

“Nothing I was just checking that you’re ready to go?”

“Yeah let’s go home Fox.”

Skinner got behind the wheel and started the engine, while Fox got in the back and sat with me. It didn’t take long for Skinner to pull out, soon we were finally on our way home.

XXXXXXXXXX

The drive home was pretty quiet, Alex was asleep within ten minutes of leaving the clinic.

“I take it Alex had a rough night Agent Mulder, maybe now you’d like to talk to me?”

“What can I say, he wanted his own way and I refused.”

“I take it there was a reason why you refused?”

“He wanted to drive the car just to prove he could, I refused so he grabbed me by the wrist and took the car regardless.”

“Did he manage to drive it with the fake arm?”

“Yeah far better than I’d expected, but he still put his own life at risk and I punched him. I’m not proud of what I did, but Alex has to learn to see reason.”

“You said something about him wanting to be punished?”

“Yeah he expected me to do it, but I don’t seem to be able to do it since I fell in love with him.”

“Let him go see someone else then Agent Mulder.”

“Such as who?”

Skinner held out his hand and passed me a card, all that was wrote on it was a phone number.

“What’s this Sir?”

“That Agent Mulder is the number for a very elite club, it’s totally confidential and he will be safe.”

“What type of club is it Sir?”

“Men go there for many different reasons, some go for sexual punishment and some just punishment.”

“You expect me to send Alex to somewhere like that,”

“Agent Mulder it’s all handled in a very respectable manner, the workers there are all masked and he would have a safe word. Basically you fill out a form so they have an idea of what you expect, even the customer can wear a mask if it’s what they want.”

“Can I just ask a personal question Sir?”

“By all means.”

“How do you know about this place?”

“I’ve been there myself Agent Mulder.”

“Why would you need or want to go there Sir?”

“We all have our own demons Agent Mulder, I’m ex-marine and have suffered guilt because of what happened there.”

“Why would you feel guilty Sir?”

"I had to make decisions and take human life, then I’d lost so many friends and felt guilty because I survived.” 

“I’m sorry Sir.”

“I’m fine Agent Mulder, but for his sake you have to mention it to him!”

“Very well Sir, I’ll leave the final decision to Alex.”

”Look if it’s what he decides he wants I’ll help, I can speak to someone there and make sure he sees the best.”

“Yeah okay, will I be able to wait there for him?”

“You can even be inside the room with Alex, hell maybe I should order it for you to teach you how to follow orders.”

“I’m fine Sir and it’s not really my sort of thing, also I don’t know if I could watch someone hurt him like that.”

“You have to if it’s what he wants, like I said it’s not just some sleazy sex club. Agent Mulder you punched him because you didn’t know how to handle things, you would end up hurting each other if he doesn’t find an outlet.”

“Fine I get the point Sir.”

“I’ll recommend one in particular that works there, he’s only there on a Saturday night though. He’s called the Masked Magician, believe me he’ll soon have Alex sorted out.”

“Yeah but won’t it take weeks to even get an appointment, especially if he’s only there once a week?”

“I have contacts Agent Mulder so don’t worry, if it’s what Alex wants I’ll get you in tomorrow night.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for all the help Sir.”

I really had no idea whether Alex would even agree to it anyway, or if I would want him to…

XXXXXXXXXX

I was still laid there in Fox’s arms, it’s amazing what people discuss when they think you’re asleep. I knew of the club Skinner was referring to, so many influential people had been there over the years. Me I was just a nobody and could never get in at a place like that, well maybe I might just go to see what I’ve been missing all this time. Maybe I would drag Fox along whether he liked it or not, it might just teach him a thing or two on how to punish me. 

Saying that Fox had surprised me yesterday when he punched me, shit I’d not seen that one coming at all even though I deserved it. Well I decided it was time that I woke up and got into the conversation, well pretend to wake up anyway. 

I stretched out and slowly opened my eyes, I was then met by a gorgeous smile from Fox. I still couldn’t believe that I’d hurt him in more ways than one, I’d hurt him mentally and physically and regretted it more than anything.

“I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“Maybe it was the nightmares you had last night Babe.”

“I don’t even remember having any last night Fox.”

“You were moaning about your arm, then you started going on about wanting to be punished.”

“It’s news to me Lover, like I said I don’t remember.”

“Alex do you really want someone to punish you?”

“In what way Fox?”

“A.D Skinner here knows a place, apparently it’s safe and all above board.”

“Fox I don’t want to go if it’s some sleazy club, only you can touch me sexually Lover.”

“Good I’m glad and you can keep it that way, this doesn’t have to be sexual if you don’t want it to be.”

“Yeah that’s okay then.”

“What you actually want to go there and do it?”

“Hell yeah I’ll try anything, it’s better than me punishing myself and nearly hanging myself Fox.”

“Alex that’s not funny…”

“I’m sorry Fox, God I can be an insensitive bastard at times.”

“Yeah you can, maybe it might do you some good to go after all Babe.”

“Will you come with me Fox?”

“If it’s what you want, then yes I’ll come with you.”

“Yeah I’d like that Fox, do you know how long it will take before we can go there.”

“Skinner said he can get you in tomorrow night if you want?”

“That fast?”

“Yeah apparently he knows people in high places, don’t you Sir?”

“Yes Agent Mulder, however I’ll need to make a quick detour on the way back.”

“Yeah okay Sir.”

We finally pulled up outside a club, Skinner got out and told us both to wait in the car for him.

“Alex there’s still time for you to change your mind you know?”

“I want to do it Fox, I’m sorry if this hurts you Fox but it’s something I feel I have to do. Can’t you just tell I had a fucked up childhood, my Father could be violent when he wanted to be, yet I’d have rather suffered the punishment over the rape.”

“Fine then if it’s what you want I’ll accept it.”

“Thanks’ Fox, yeah I’m a big boy and can take it.”

“Yeah you’re a big boy alright Alex.”

“Maybe I can get you to warm me up Lover?”

“What you expect me to torture you Alex?”

“It was just a thought, anyway Skinners on his way back now."

Skinner got back into the car and handed me a form, it appeared to have a lot of questions on it.

“Alex you and Agent Mulder should read through that together, fill it in and take it with you tomorrow night at eight.”

Well it looked like this was going ahead now, I flicked through the questionnaire to see what I had to do. So I would need a safe word, also I’d need to think how exactly I wanted to be punished. Some people wanted to be slapped and it be a light punishment, others wanted something more violent. 

Great I guess I’d have some thinking to do before tomorrow night, also I’d need to choose something that wouldn’t put my arm at risk. Finally we were back home so I wouldn’t worry about it tonight, tonight I wanted to just spend in bed with my Lover.

Skinner said his goodbyes and got a cab back to the Hoover, we then made our way to the apartment.   



	56. Chapter 56

God it felt good to finally be back home, at least I had the whole weekend before I return to work.

“Alex what are we doing for food, you do know we need to go shopping yet again.”

“Just order a takeaway Fox, we can go shopping sometime over the weekend if we have to.”

“Yeah okay we’ll do that then.”

I grabbed the phone and hit the speed dial, the perks of been a regular at the Chinese takeaway. 

“Food will be about half an hour, I’m just going to unpack the bags Alex.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Alex what are you doing Babe?”

“Looking through this questionnaire why?”

“I was just wondering that’s all.”

I went into the bedroom and emptied the bags, I managed to put most of the things in the right place. I knew I was also going to have to do some washing too, well at least I had enough clean suits for next week.

“Fox food’s here, do we have any cash lying around the place?”

“Yeah just go in my jacket pocket, you’ll find my wallet in there.”

I left Alex to take care of the food while I finished up, it didn’t take me long and then I was ready to go join him.

“Alex have you even put that form down yet?”

“Hey I will need to start filling it in soon.”

“Do you need any help Babe?”

“I’m trying to think of something, I just have to remember about my arm.”

I had many possible scenarios running through my head, I just couldn’t figure out how he could be tied up with that arm.

“I’ll just put Mulder as my safe word.”

“It’s been awhile since you’ve used that name, or even called me it.”

“Yeah and I’d like to keep it that way too.”

I sat there enjoying the food, I’d listen and be there if he wanted to ask me anything. The food tasted really good and I was becoming really tired now. I looked at Alex who seemed to be in deep thought, 

I had to wonder whether he’d even go through with this when the time came. Well I guess I would find out for myself come tomorrow, it was then that I realized Alex was talking to me.

“Sorry I was miles away Babe.”

“I said I’ll also have to consider what to wear, I guess it will depend how much punishment I want to feel.”

“Are you really sure about this Alex?”

“Yes, I told you Fox that I need to do this.”

“Well it’s your choice Babe.”

“The Doctor was right Fox, I’m going to just end up hurting myself or someone else. I won’t risk hurting you because I become reckless.”

“Was you really that bad as a child Alex?”

“You don’t want to know Fox.”

“Maybe I do want to know, also it might do you some good if you talk Babe.”

“Fine after I clear up we can talk.”

“Good I’ll look forward to it.”

“You just want to get the dirt on me don’t you Lover?”

“I’d just like to know as much about you as possible, I know that you’ve already told me a lot about yourself Alex. I just can’t believe you were ever that bad once.”

I watched his gorgeous body as he got up to clear up, I loved him so much and wanted him.

“Do you want any help Babe?”

“No you can have a look at that form for me, maybe give me your opinion Fox.”

“Yeah okay will do.”

I guess the questions help to make sure nothing goes wrong. It appeared that Alex had already started to fill the form in, so I thought I’d be nosey and see what he’d put. So it appeared Alex wants to be strapped down and naked, also he wanted me to be there in the room while he was punished.

XXXXXXXXXX

I cleaned the up the mess and made some coffee for us both, when I returned to the room Fox was sat there reading. Shit it was then that I realized he was looking rather sick, I guess he didn’t like what I’d wrote.

“Fox I’ve made some coffee.”

“Yeah just put it on the table Alex.”

“Fox are you okay, shit I should have asked you what you thought.”

“It’s okay Alex, I guess it was just a surprise that’s all. I guess it’s just the thought of anyone else touching you Babe.”

“Fox it makes me happy to know that it bothers you, shit I’d feel far worse if it didn’t bother you. Just read the rest of it Fox and you’ll see what else I wrote further down.”

I watched his sad face as he carried on reading, however suddenly he had the most gorgeous smile I’d seen in awhile.

“It says there’s to be no physical contact.”

“Basically Fox it means he’ll use a belt or whatever, but at no point will he touch me without it. Fox I love you and want to be with you, no one else will ever touch me in that way again.”

“I love you too Alex and I’m glad you feel that way.”

“I would have just let you punish me, but then you fell in love and went soft on me. Not that I’m complaining Lover as I’m glad you did.”

“Yeah whatever Babe.”

Fox just went back to the form and carried on reading. I just sat there and watched him, to be honest I couldn’t tell if he was happy or not.

“Fox talk to me Lover.”

“What?”

“You look a bit green there Fox.”

“You’ve stated that you want us to be left alone afterwards, also that you want me to take care of you sexually Alex.”

“Yeah well I only trust you Fox.”

“Fine but I don’t know how I’ll be until the time comes.”

“That’s okay Fox so don’t worry about it for now.”

“Are you going to tell me what you did so bad as a child Babe?”

“I was always playing tricks on people, I guess to a certain extent I was just a normal mischievous child. But one thing led to another and that’s what got me into trouble. I lied to you before Fox and I’m sorry for that, I told you I was older when my father first touched me.”

“Take your time Babe it's okay.”

”Everything was my fault and I deserved to be punished, if only I’d listened and done as I was told for once. My Auntie was ill and my mother went away to look after her, night after night my father told me to stay in my own room.”

“Alex are you sure you’re okay?”

“Fox I’ve never told anyone this that’s all and it’s hard. Look I told my father that I was going to bed as I had a headache, I just wanted to have an early night and get some sleep.

Typical though I had to be in on everything and know what was going on, I went into my father’s bedroom and hid under the bed. I told you that I was just a mischievous kid and it was just a stupid prank, I was just going to remain there until he fell asleep. I was going to jump out on him and scare him, yet he never came to bed alone Fox.”

“Shit I’m sorry Alex.”

“It didn’t end there Fox, God how I wish it had just been that simple. It wasn’t even another woman he’d brought back, I knew the kid and he was only seventeen. I had to lay under that bed while my father fucked this kid in my mother’s bed, I felt so sick but was far too scared to move.

Well I guess all the dust under the bed caused me to sneeze, I knew he’d heard as suddenly the room became silent. Within seconds he was pulling me out by my leg, he kept on yelling at me that I was a perverted bastard I was thrown face down upon the bed, my father then ordered the kid to pin me down while he ripped off my clothes. 

I tried to fight him off but I never stood a chance, he was my own father yet he brutally raped me on that bed.  Afterwards he then picked up his belt from the floor, I had to be punished because I was bad and it was his responsibility to carry it out. I soon forgot about the pain in my ass, before I knew it my back was on fire and in agony from the belt.

I must have looked a right state as I sobbed like a baby and was covered in snot and tears, he then just grabbed me and threw me back into my own room. My father said it was all my fault and I deserved what I got because I was bad.”

“Shit Alex and that’s why you think you have to be punished?”

“Yeah well if I’d been good it would never have happened would it? I guess I always thought I could do what I wanted, sod the consequences and everything else.”

“Shit Alex that’s rape and not a fuckin punishment, also you were just a kid so he’s the sick one.”

“Fox at the end of the day he was my father and I’d been bad.”

I knew it was hard to make Fox understand, I didn’t want his pity or for him to feel bad as it was my own fault.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesus maybe Alex did need some help after all, especially when he believed something like that was his fault.

“Alex even if I was into punishing you, hell I couldn’t punish you for something like that Babe.”

“That’s why I need you to understand why I have to go elsewhere, I have to be punished Fox.”

I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make him see sense, this had been drilled into him since he was a fuckin kid for Christ’s sake. He’d grown up believing what his father had done was his fault, I knew that I’d have to tell him to talk to the shrink about it.

“Fox what are you thinking about, please talk to me!”

“I love you so much Alex, yet I realize there’s nothing I can say to make you believe me.”

“Will you still come with me Fox?”

“Alex I’ll stand by you and do it because it’s what you want, however in return you have to do something for me.”

“What Fox?”

“You have to discuss it with Mike the psychiatrist.”

“Yeah I promise I will Fox.”

“Come on Babe let’s call it a night.”

“Gladly Lover.”

We went into the bedroom and undressed. I couldn’t but marvel at how strong this man had been and still was!”

“Alex are you removing the arm?”

“Yeah sorry, I don’t want to use it near you until I get better with it.”

“Alex I was more worried you’d hurt yourself Babe.”

“Yeah knowing me I perhaps will do.”

I got into bed and held Alex in my arms, I was really careful that no weight was on my wrist. To think this man had been through so much in life, I myself had jumped to conclusions when I’d first met him.

“You do know I’m sorry Alex?”

“What for?”

“Everything, all the pain I caused you on top of everything else.”

“Fox I got over that ages ago, in the end you brought me far more happiness than pain. I was a complete bastard back then and don’t blame you, believe me I wish things had been different too.”

“I still look at you and can’t believe you’re mine.”

“Hey likewise Lover, Fox will you make love to me?”

“Of course I will Babe.”

I hugged Alex and started to kiss him, no matter what I just couldn’t get enough of him. I got hold of his nipples and rubbed them into little buds, I then bit them gently as he arched upwards.

“God you’re gorgeous Alex and such a turn on Babe.”

“Yeah and you’re such a tease Fox.”

“You know you like it Babe.”

I knew he was really starting to get turned on now by the noises he was making, however he could hang in there a bit longer.

“God I’m gonna fuck you hard Babe, you’re such a little slut.”

“Yeah only your little slut so don’t forget it Lover,”

“Oh I won’t and I’ll make sure you don’t forget who you belong to.”

I forced my fingers deep inside his ass, I then twisted them around as I located his prostate.

“Fuck Fox…”

“Yeah I’m getting there Babe,”

“I’m gonna come regardless Lover if you keep that up.”

I removed my fingers and replaced them with my cock, at first I had to stop as I was so turned on. I knew I’d have to take it slow as I would come myself before Alex.

“For fucks sake don’t you dare stop Lover?”

“Alex just hold on Babe, it’s that or I’ll come right now.”

“Jesus Fox just stop talking and get on with it, I really need to come now Lover.”

“Fine I’m working on it.”

I slammed in and out of Alex hard, maybe then he’d moan for different reasons. Soon I could feel the pressure and came deep with Alex.

“Come for me Babe.”

Within a few minutes Alex came all over the bed, he then kissed me and was fast asleep in minutes.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke with mixed feelings about today, I knew it was Saturday and also what I’d agreed to do. Life was strange when you thought long and hard about it, I’d suffered so much at the hands of others. My back still sported the scars from my little trip to Russia, also the same trip that cost me an arm.

Then there was Fox, I’d have willingly laid there and let him abuse me without the drugs. Jesus I was more fucked up than even I realized, then there was also my father on top of everything else. Yet here I was now planning to go and do it willingly, walk into that room and let someone strap me down and beat me.

“Fox are you awake?”

“Yeah why what’s the matter?”

“Do you think I’m strange Fox?”

“I just think you’re a bit mixed up and need some help, but you have to do what feels right for you Alex.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“Alex are you really sure about this?”

“Yeah just nervous I guess.”

“That’s only natural, however you need to see if you can sort this out. If it’s your nature you might not need the pills anymore.”

“Yeah I guess that worries me too.”

“Have you had any thoughts regarding your future Babe?”

“Yeah I want to spend some time training, I figured I could just go with you every morning for now.”

“Yeah I’d like that Alex.”

”I need to get fully used to this arm, also I want to re-apply for my gun licence again.”

“Well I guess that you must have some ideas then?”

“I was thinking of going into security or something, maybe I’ll apply for my driving licence too.”

“Yeah well I guess you’ve proved that you can still handle a car Babe.”

“Yeah but that was just stupid and irresponsible.”

“Hey I’m glad you realize that Babe.”

“Yeah I fucked up as usual.”

“Alex it’s only natural to feel that way, especially after what you went through.”

“I’ guess that I’ll have to just keep busy until tonight, otherwise I’ll get worked up long before I get there.”

“Tell you what Babe, how about I give you a really good relaxing massage?”

“Sounds good Lover.”

“Just give me a minute.”

I watched Fox as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom, God the man was so lean and fit.

Soon Fox returned with a towel and some oils, he then just stood there staring down at me.

“What?”

“You, I was just thinking how gorgeous you are Alex, anyway roll over onto your stomach Babe.”

I did as he asked, soon I had his hands massaging my back and shoulders. At times I was struggling to stay awake, it was just so relaxing and I wanted to stay here all day.

“God you’re so tight Babe.”

“So are you Lover, I realize that every time I fuck you.”

“Alex you have a one-track mind, but you really do need to loosen up a bit.”

“Yeah sorry, I guess I was joking because I’m more nervous than I thought.”

“Just try and relax then Babe.”

Finally it worked and I felt the tension drain away, yet Fox then moved on to my lower back and ass. It felt so good as he grabbed my ass and massaged it, the only thing was that I was getting rather turned on and hard now.”

“Roll over Babe.”

I did as Fox asked, now there was no chance whatsoever of hiding how turned on I was. Fox ran his hands up and down my body, yet the bastard purposely avoided my groin.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I’d have to act soon, that or Alex would become tense all over again. I licked a trail down his chest and stomach, I then worked my way down towards his hard cock. I deep throated him and received a moan of pleasure, God he was such a turn on and so desperate right now. I then took my oiled finger and inserted it into his hot tight ass.

“Fuck oh Jesus Fox…”

I felt Alex grab my hair as he climaxed deep within my throat, I then proceeded to lick him clean.

“How do you feel now Babe?”

“Boneless, God I feel so relaxed and can’t move Lover.”

I then slapped Alex lightly on the backside.”

“Roll over Babe.”

I watched as Alex did as I asked without question, I was far too hard to stop this now. Once again I massaged his back, but this time it was just for my own selfish reasons. I took my now oil covered hands and massaged my own cock, I pulled Alex’s backside in the air and plunged straight into him.   
Fuck he was so tight and hot, it felt like my cock was in a vice when his muscles contracted. 

I worked up a rhythm but for some reason I didn’t want it to end, I loved him so much and this was the closest I ever got to him. Deep down I was always worrying that he might disappear on me once more. I knew it was stupid to feel this way, however I was unable to help myself at times. 

Soon though everything became too much, I screamed out as I came deep inside him. Suddenly I was the one now feeling all boneless and weak, I just collapsed upon Alex’s back.

“Come on Fox we’d better move, I think it’s time we got some food and a shower don’t you Lover?”

“Yeah come on then.”

We showered and grabbed a coffee, I noticed as the day became shorter so did Alex’s patience. He was worried about tonight and was getting rather short-tempered, I was the only one there and the one in line of fire.

“Alex are you going to keep this up for another four hours, either cancel it or find something to occupy yourself Babe.”

“Such as what?”

“I don’t know, watch something or read.”

“That’s boring.”

“Fine go and sort the washing out then.”

“Great what joy, I guess I might as well go do it then.”

I was glad to finally have some space, I was nervous myself about tonight and how I’d react. I could just see myself getting thrown out, I might not like watching someone hurt Alex. I’d done it myself once before in the past and couldn’t do it anymore, yet I was expected to sit and watch as someone else hurt him.

Well Alex actually managed to do all the washing, surprisingly without doing any moaning. However it was now time we thought about getting ready to go out, soon we were both ready to face what the night would bring. 

I grabbed my car keys along with my wallet, my wrist was no was nowhere near as swollen as before so I’d be okay. Soon we were on our way not that Alex had anything to say, I guess the pair of us was really nervous about tonight and what might happen.

“Alex are you sure you’re okay, you just seem rather quiet that’s all?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine once I get there Fox.”

“Just remember I’ll be there for you Babe.”

“Yeah I know and I’m glad that I have you.”

We finally arrived outside the club, Alex was now looking more nervous than ever.

“You’ll be okay Babe after the first time.”

“Yeah true, come on then before I chicken out.”

We were led into a small room by a young man, he then explained to Alex where he wanted him. He also explained a few other things to us and told Alex to undress.


	57. Chapter 57

I did what I was asked and removed all of my clothes, I then had to kneel down and bend over a bench.

“Do you need any help Babe?”

“Yeah you need to fasten the strap across my back.”

“Yeah it will be safer that way Babe, far better than having your arms tied up.”

“Fox just blindfold me now and put the earplugs in.”

“Are you sure you want it this way?”

“Yeah I’ll be okay Fox.”

Just before I was blindfolded the man entered the room, there he stood over six foot tall and rather large. I would be putting myself in the hands of this stranger for the next hour. 

Soon I was in total darkness and silence, I knew the pain would be far more intense this way and I wouldn’t see it coming. Fuck and how right I was, I couldn’t help but scream as the paddle came down hard and that was only one. 

The next came down on the opposite side of my ass and I had to be the smart ass and open my mouth.

“Is that the best you’ve got?”

Fuck the next one was far harder, along with the next three or four that followed. My ass must be getting a bit sore now, shit the next one was full on across my thigh. I could no longer control or stop the tears that flowed, fuck and then my nose also started running too.

I must have looked like a pathetic mess by now, God knows what Fox must be thinking. I had no concept of time whatsoever, I hadn’t even realized it was over until someone touched me. 

I felt a rather large hand lift my chin up, it was held there for a minute and then they let go. Suddenly the blindfold was removed along with the ear plugs, shit Fox was looking really worried at the moment.

“Alex talk to me Babe.”

“I’m fine but I need something from you Lover.”

“What’s that?”

“Are we alone now Fox?”

“Yeah why?”

“I want you to go and lock the door.”

“Yeah okay, then I’ll help you get dressed Babe.”

“Fox I want you to lock the door so you can fuck me Lover.”

“Shit I can’t Alex, your backside’s red raw Babe.”

Great now I found myself snivelling like a fuckin baby, I was even prepared to beg him that was what it took.

“Please Fox do it for me, I need to feel you inside me Lover and make me forget about everyone else.”

“Fine but I want to put some cream on you first.”

“Just hurry up then Lover.”

I had to admit the cool gel felt really good, at least the pain wasn’t as bad with it on. It was then that I felt Fox slip a finger inside me, it didn’t take him long to add a couple more either.

“Fox please don’t tease me, shit I’m rock hard Lover.”

Soon Fox removed his fingers along with his jeans, he then placed the tip of his cock at the tight entrance.

“Shit Alex this is going to hurt you Babe.”

“I know, that’s kinda the point Fox.”

“I’m not sure about this Alex, especially with the state your backside’s in.”

“Fine I’ll just call the masked magician back in, maybe he’s man enough to give it to me.”

Fuck I knew I’d hit on a raw nerve, without warning or anything Fox plunged deep inside me. I struggled not to scream as my ass was on fire from the contact of Fox against my raw skin.

“That’s more like it Fox, come on just give it to me lover.”

I had to admit that Fox was a huge turn on when he was pissed off.

XXXXXXXXXX

I grabbed Alex by the hips and rammed into him hard, I knew I must be hurting him but there was no going back now. How did I admit to him that it had turned me on so much, I’d just wanted to consume him and become one with him?

“Come on Lover fuck me, make it so I’ll never forget that I belong to you.”

“Shit Alex don’t say that unless you mean it, I swear that I’m never going to let you go Babe.”

I couldn’t hold back any longer as I came inside him, Alex was no better and literally came seconds after me. The night had turned out to be an eye opener and far better than I’d expected.

I took him home and bathed his wounds, then it was back to reality and life went on. Even so Alex found it hard to explain why he couldn’t sit down for a week, but then after time it just became second nature. Every Saturday night Alex returned to take his punishment that he believed he deserved.

They had decided to try him without the medication for awhile, I guess he’d found a better outlet for his reckless streak. As for the arm, well he could pretty much use it now like his own. 

He still came to work with me every day, I was starting to think it was his second home. He’d done well in the gym and was a lot healthier now too, today though was one of the days when he paid a visit to my office.

“Fox guess what?”

“I’ve no idea at all Babe.”

“Skinner just confirmed that I’ve got my gun licence back, its one step closer to setting up my own business.”

“That’s great Alex, I’m really pleased for you Babe.”

“Yeah it means a lot to me, a couple more days and I’ll re sit my driving test too.”

“You’ll be all sorted then Alex, then you won’t need me anymore will you?”

“Shit Fox is that what you think, I just used you until I was well enough to do it all myself?”

“Sorry Alex that came out wrong, I just meant you won’t need me to drive you places,”

“Yeah well I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions Fox, also I haven’t passed it yet Lover.”

“Alex you can drive a car better than most people out there, I know that you’ll pass Babe.”

“I’m glad that you have confidence in me Lover.”

“Of course I do Alex, I guess I’ll just miss you when you’re not here.”

“Why where do you think I’m going Fox?”

“I meant when you have your own business, shit I’ll hardly get to see you.”

“Maybe you can quit the F.B.I, we could be partners in more ways than one Lover?”

“It’s my life Alex, well after you that is.”

“Yeah sorry Fox it was a stupid idea.”

I watched as Alex turned to leave, shit I didn’t want him to leave like this.

“Alex.”

“What?”

“It wasn’t a stupid idea Babe, it’s just I’m so set in my ways that’s all.”

“Yeah true.”

With that Alex was gone and I was alone, soon however Skinner paid me an unexpected visit.

“I’m just checking that everything’s okay Agent Mulder?”

“Yeah I guess so why?”

“That doesn’t sound too convincing Agent Mulder.”

“Alex paid me a visit that’s all, he said that I should go into business with him.”

“So what did you say then?”

“I told him that I couldn’t Sir.”

“Good I might have to be having a talk with Alex, trying to poach my best Agent.”

Skinner didn’t have to worry as I’d be lost doing a different job anyway.

XXXXXXXXXX

I should have known it was a stupid idea, maybe it was time I put some effort into getting this business started. Within two days I could have a car again, so maybe I should think about renting some office space somewhere.

I was starting to get bored now with nothing to do, then again maybe there was something I could do after all. I took the lift to the fourth floor, I then went in search of Skinner.

“Come in Alex, I’m glad you came as I was after a word with you anyway.”

“Why what is it Sir?”

“Alex you don’t have to call me Sir, especially when no one’s here.”

“Fine, so what do you want a word about Walt?”

“You’re really hard work Alex at times, I just want you to not poach my best Agent.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve spoken with Agent Mulder, don’t get me wrong as you’ve got some good ideas. I just prefer it if you don’t steal my Agent when you leave to fulfil your plans that’s all.”

“Don’t worry I knew he’d never leave here.”

“What‘s made you chose security anyway Alex?”

“It’s a job and I get to carry a gun.”

“Okay just forget I asked, what was it you wanted to see me about anyway Alex?”

“I want to practice my driving, I just thought you might know somewhere I could go?”

“Hold on a minute Alex.”

I watched as Skinner started going through his desk draw, finally he pulled something out.

“Here take this form to Quantico, this states that I need you to spend a couple of hours on the track.”

“Thank you Walt.”

“Don’t push it Alex, how are things going with you anyway?”

“Okay, things are finally looking up now.”

“I hear that you’ve become a regular at the club?”

“Yeah thanks’ for that suggestion, it seems to be working out rather well. I guess he’s not as afraid to slap me as Fox who will only get involved afterwards.”

“Sometimes it can be hard if you’re close to someone, plus he knows he’s already hurt you so much in the past.”

“Yeah he just has to accept that I can handle it, I’m big enough to take care of myself.”

“Is that what you really think Alex?”

“Yeah I do okay.”

“You best get going anyway Alex.”

“Yeah and thanks for this.”

“Well just remember I expect you to pass Alex.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all anyone asks of you.”

I spent the next couple of hours having a good time, I think Fox had been right and I could still drive just fine. They then told me that they could fit me in tomorrow if I wanted? I jumped at the chance to get it over with.

I finally returned at the basement, I was hoping that Fox was also ready to leave now. However I found the basement all locked up and no sign of Fox at all, maybe I’d give him a quick call.

“Fox whereabouts are you Lover?”

“I finished early and came back home, I thought you could just get a cab or something.”

“Thanks for that Fox, I thought we always left together?”

“Alex you’ll have to stop relying on me soon, I thought it would be a good idea to let you start now.”

“We can discuss this when I get home Fox.”

With that I hung up before he could respond, I just couldn’t believe that he’d done that to me. I was on my way out when I bumped into Skinner, well at least he offered me a lift home.

XXXXXXXXXX

Okay I knew it’d been a rather petty move on my part and I’d been stupid. I just felt like I was going to end up losing him. I’d brought him into my life, the same life that he’d managed to save on numerous occasions. Yet here I was ditching him yet again, it was then that I heard the door open.

“I didn’t expect you back yet Alex.”

“Yeah well Skinner gave me a lift home, also he’ll be picking me up in the morning too.”

“Why I thought you’d want to come with me?”

“They’ve moved my driving test to tomorrow morning, you’ll most likely leave early and forget to take me.”

“Alex I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Yeah well I don’t plan on taking that chance, right I’m off for a shower now anyway.”

I was just left stood there on my own, shit what had I done as now Alex would be pissed bigtime. I went into the bedroom and stripped, soon I was laid there on the bed pleasuring myself. All I had to do was think of Alex naked in the shower, it wasn’t long at all before my cock was rock hard.

“Fox what the fuck are you doing?”

“I would have thought that was obvious Babe.”

“Fox that’s really low even for you.”

”What it’s not like you’re going to be interested in me tonight Alex!”

“Why because you pissed me off Fox, shit you can’t just treat me like dirt when it suits you.”

“What? All I did was finish work early, you’re the one acting like a spoilt fuckin brat Alex.”

“Fuck you Fox, you know it was far more than that.”

With that Alex turned and stormed out of the room, however he returned only a couple of minutes later. I noticed that he was still naked from the shower, well apart from the arm he’d re attached. I watched him as he strolled over towards me, I decided maybe he wasn’t that pissed off at all as he sat beside me.

“Fox admit that you ditched me.”

“I never did so I’m not admitting anything.”

Alex leant over me and grabbed my wrists, shit I didn’t stand a chance when he used that fuckin arm. Within seconds he had my hands cuffed to the headboard.

“Alex let me go, you said you’d never use the arm in that way.”

“Fox I said I’d never hurt you again with the arm, I’m not hurting you and all you have to do is admit you ditched me.”

“Just fuck off Alex.”

Great now it looked like Alex was going to play dirty, he reached down and grabbed my hard cock.

“Admit it Fox and I’ll let you come.”

“Fuck you.”

Shit suddenly he slapped me hard across my leg.

“I really think you need to learn a lesson or two Fox, hell maybe I should take you to be punished on a Saturday. I mean you do seem to get your kicks out of watching.”

“Alex just let me go.”

With that Alex turned me on my side, he then sat over me and altered the cuffs. Soon I found myself face down on the bed, then I realized exactly what Alex was going to do.

“Don’t you fuckin dare touch me Alex, I swear I’ll do it back to you far harder.”

“Fox you’re not man enough to do it back, that’s why I have to go elsewhere every Saturday night.”

“You fuckin bastard, please Alex don’t do it.”

“Too late Fox.”

Holy shit, within seconds he brought his hand down hard and my ass stung.

“Don’t you dare do it again?”

“Fox you know what you have to say. Just say it and this can all end right now.”

I decided to lay there and keep my mouth shut, maybe Alex would get bored soon enough. He went on to slap me a couple more times, it was then that I was praying he’d get bored real fast.

“Talk to me Fox, okay I take it you’re giving me the silent treatment?”

It was then that I felt Alex’s finger pressing against my ass, fuck as he pushed it in my cock became even harder. It was starting to become really painful and I wanted to come, I knew that I was really close to giving in to what Alex wanted.

XXXXXXXXXX

“What’s the matter Lover?”

“You bastard.”

”You look so desperate there Lover, be good and I might let you come.”

”Fuck off Alex I’m not in the mood to play your stupid games.”

I pulled my finger out but couldn’t resist that red backside, I took my hand and slapped him a couple more times.

“Is that what you think this is Fox, just a fuckin game? I love you and want to know why you just left me there?”

“You’re just getting off on this and nothing more, I swear you’re a sadistic little fuck.”

“I’m glad you know me so well Lover.”

“Alex please you can’t do this, I need to come as it hurts now.”

“Apologize then Fox and I’ll make it real good for you I promise.”

“I’m not apologizing Alex because I’m not sorry I ditched you.”

Shit I sat back on the bed as I hadn’t expected that, Jesus so he didn’t give a shit that he’d just left me.”

“Well thanks ever so much for that Fox.”

“Alex please.”

I stood up and started backing towards the door.”

“You bastard.”

“Alex please don’t leave me here babe, especially like this. Alex at least hear me out please.”

“Don’t I mean anything to you at all Fox?”

“Of course you fuckin do, you mean everything to me Alex.”

“Yeah right it really looks that way.”

“Alex please don’t you see why I did it?”

“What the hell are you talking about Fox?”

“I’m a complete selfish bastard okay, I thought if I left you you’d realize how much you need me.”

“Jesus Fox of course I fuckin need you, you could have just talked without pulling a stupid stunt like that.”

“I’m so sorry Alex, do you really want me?”

“God Fox and I thought I had security issues.”

“Yeah well maybe I do too, I just felt like you’d no longer want me.”

I walked over to the bed and unfastened the cuffs, I then held Fox tight in my arms.

“Fox why have you got it into your head that I’m leaving, it will be a job that’s all and nothing more. I’ll leave on a morning and come back at night time, Fox it will be you that I come home to every day.”

“I’m sorry Alex. I just over reacted, I guess I’ve just got so used to having you here with me.”

“Hey you’ll soon adjust Fox, I can’t keep going to the gym everyday can I?”

“No I suppose not.”

“There will be days I’m passing, that or I’m bored. It will be times like that when I’ll call in and see you Lover, you have to remember I’ll be alone when you have to work away too.”

“Shit I hadn’t really thought about that Alex.”

“You never know Fox, sometimes I might sneak away with you Lover when you’re on a case. Sometimes things have to change Fox as that’s life.”

“Yeah I guess so, maybe next time you go to the club I might join you as a client.”

“You might enjoy it Lover?”

“Who knows? Come on it’s getting late Babe, we can grab some food and call it a night.”

“Yeah I’d better text Skinner too, I’m sure I can trust you to take me in the morning can’t I?”

“Yeah of course you can so don’t worry Babe.”

The rest of the night passed rather uneventful, I was really tired and so was Fox. I really wanted to have plenty of sleep before tomorrow, I was determined I’d pass first time no matter what.

“Hey Fox if I pass we can celebrate.”

“You mean when you pass, why what did you have in mind Babe?”

“No idea but I’m sure we’ll think of something, then we can also go car shopping too.”

“Yeah I forgot about that Alex, do you know what sort of car you want?”

“I’m not really sure at the moment.”

Now I fell asleep thinking about cars and what I might buy, I’d also need to think of a colour too.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke the next morning to even more car talk, God I really hoped that Alex passed or life would be hell for me.

“Alex it’s time to go, what time’s your test Babe?”

“Not until eleven, I think I might just pop to the gym or hang around with you.”

“Great come on then.”

I got to work and ran straight into Skinner as he was looking for me, I had a feeling today was going to be one of those days.

“Sir what’s up?”

“Agent Mulder do you actually know how to write, or possibly even type?"

“Is it a trick question Sir?”

“There was a time I wondered how you coped with Alex, but now I wonder how the hell he puts up with you?”

“Sir can I just ask what I’ve done?”

“It’s more what you haven’t done Agent Mulder.”

I turned around to see Alex laughing behind my back, I would deal with him later on at home.

“Agent Mulder please pay attention, reports?”

“What reports Sir?”

“Exactly, you have until five to bring them to my office.”

“Yes Sir.”

The minute Skinner disappeared I slapped Alex on the backside, especially as he was still laughing.

“I don’t know why you find it so funny Alex, if I don’t get them done you’ll be car shopping on your own!”

“Shit I never thought about that.”

“Not so funny now is it Babe, maybe I might arrange an extra hour for you at the club.”

“Fuck that, I only just survive an hour as it is.”

“Right I’d better go make a start, otherwise I’ll still be here come midnight.”

“Give me a kiss then Lover and I’ll get going, might as well go and see how good I can do.”

I gave Alex a really passionate kiss and hugged him.

“You’ll do just fine Babe.”

“Thanks Lover, I’ll pop in and see you afterwards if you want?”

“Yeah I’d like that, it looks like I’ll be down here all day anyway.”

As I entered my office someone had left a bag in the doorway, all the tag said was Agent Fox Mulder. I ripped it open to see what was inside, part of me wished I’d just left it as it was. 

Suddenly it was like I was back on that case again, alone in the woods with two fuckin mad men. Shit it was also a reminder that I’d lied to Alex back in the clinic, I’d told him I’d got help when I hadn’t. In truth I’d spoke to no one about that night in the wood, I’d just swept it under the carpet like it never happened.

I sat at my desk and stared at the computer, great now I couldn’t even concentrate to write the reports for Skinner. However I knew unless I got a move on I’d never get them done, then that would piss Skinner of big time as I hardly ever did them. 

Yet no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t concentrate at all, suddenly the tears flowed and I was unable to control them. I’d always rushed in no matter what, I always believed I was Fox Mulder and untouchable, what a fuckin joke that was. 

Without Alex I would have been dead a long time ago, maybe everyone’s right and I do need some sort of professional help. Well help or maybe some discipline, believe me at the moment I was willing to try either one.

I pulled out the first report and opened it, I knew it was time I actually got some work done. At this rate I wouldn’t even get one done before Alex returned with his news, it was one of those days and I’d be glad when it’s over.

I tried to contact Skinner to get some leeway on the reports, not that I had any luck. He stood by what he said regarding the matter, he would be down here to collect them at five on the dot.


	58. Chapter 58

I was as nervous as hell, most people would look and think I’d never drove a car before. Yet back when I was in the F.B.I, I had a full driving licence and had been driving for years. I was given one of their cars to use and would be accompanied by some by the name of Jo.

“Right Alex A.D Skinner has been in touch with me, it appears that you have a full driving licence with no points at all.”

"Yeah that’s right.”

“This then will be just a refresher course to see if you keep your licence, if things don’t go as planned you’ll have it revoked.”

“Then what?”

“You will have to re-apply by taking your test all over again.”

“Yeah I guess that’s acceptable.”

“Alex just remember this all comes down to you, also on how much you really want this licence?”

“I’m going to need it for work, I guess I’ll have to pull my weight and get a job also it will be easier if I can drive.”

“Right well I’m only saying because of what I’ve been told, apparently you can have a reckless streak in you?”

“I promise that I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

“Good that’s all I ask.”

“So when will I get the results?”

“I’ll be able to tell you at the end of the course, it’s a straight forward course and all you have to do is follow it.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

“There will be stop lights and other obstacles, I will be timing your reaction speed and also making sure your arms not a problem.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Once we get in the car you’ll be on your own, I will remain quiet until the tests over. Right come on let’s just get this over with shall we?”

“Yeah sooner the better.”

I put my seatbelt on and checked the mirrors, I then made sure I was fully ready before I set off. I had to admit that the course was far easier than I‘d expected it to be, maybe it just felt that way because I could already drive.   
Once it was over I drove the car back towards the reception area, I then got out of the car and gave Jo his keys back

“So how well did I do?”

“Well let’s just say all you need now is a car, I believe you’re a natural even with that arm.”

“Brilliant time to go car shopping then.”

I thanked Joe for everything and then went to pay Fox a visit, I couldn’t wait to share my good news with him.

“So how did it go Alex?”

“I’m officially safe and legal to be on the road Lover.”

“I knew you’d pass Babe.”

“Fox are you okay?”

“Yeah why?”

“You look upset that’s all.”

“I’m fine, I’m just tired I guess.”

“As long as you’re sure Fox?”

“Yeah I’m sure, what are you up to now Babe?”

“If you have to work till later can I borrow your car Lover?”

“Yeah of course you can, however you’ll have to come and pick me up later on Babe.”

“Yeah no problem Fox.”

Fox threw me his car keys and I caught them, it was then I turned and nearly tripped over a goddamn plastic bag.

“Fox do you ever take the rubbish out?”

“I’ll do it later.”

“It’s okay I’ll do it on my way out Fox.”

“Leave it Alex, I already said I’ll sort it later.”

“Fine God I was only offering to help Fox, you don’t have to bite my head off.

“I’m sorry Alex.”

“God I bet you’re in a fuckin mood now because I can drive.”

“That’s not true!”

“Well it’s a bit hard to believe after your stunt yesterday.”

“It might surprise you but not everything revolves around you Alex.”

“For God’s sake Fox just grow up, I’ll call by and pick you up later on.”

With that I turned and left Fox alone to sulk.

XXXXXXXXXX

How the hell could I tell Alex what was wrong with me, I didn’t even know myself why I couldn’t just get over it.

Fuck it I couldn’t stand it here for a second longer, I just closed the report and grabbed my jacket. I checked that I had my wallet and some cash on me, then I just headed out of the door away from here. I just walked to the nearest bar and grabbed a double vodka, I was risking losing everything by my actions, however I no longer cared anymore.

I’d been doing reasonably well until I saw that bag, now I just couldn’t get certain images out of my head no matter what. If the vodka was willing to help me so be it, in some ways I was no better than Alex.

He ran away from his problems, I just pushed everyone away from me or drove them away. Fuck this maybe I was just thinking too much, I perhaps only needed another drink or two. Three double vodkas later I decided to leave, shit I wasn’t a big drinker and the fresh air hit me hard.

I staggered back to work to go and do my reports, at least I was feeling in a far better mood than earlier. God knows how I made it to my office in one piece, twice I’d nearly got myself run over. Once back in my office I checked the time, well it appeared to be nearly four already.

I lay back on my chair and just stared at the ceiling, I guess one day I should really remove all the pencils. However today was not going to be that day, I felt way too light headed to be climbing on desks. I must have dozed off as my phone woke me up, God what an awful noise it fuckin made.

“Mulder.”

“Agent Mulder it’s now six o’clock.”

“And you’re telling me this why?”

“Because I’m your boss Agent Mulder, also I’d like to know where the hell my reports are?”

“Just give me ten minutes and I’ll write them.”

“What do you mean?”

With that I just hung up on him, right where the hell did I put those reports he wanted. It was okay I’d just find them sometime later on as I had the time, they could just wait until another day as far as I was concerned. I sat back and put my feet up on the desk, shit it was just then that my office door opened.

“Agent Mulder get your feet of that desk right now.”

“Chill a little skinner, hell I’ve got a headache.”

“Agent Mulder are you drunk? Look you haven’t even started on the reports either.”

“I’ll just do it later.”

“By rights I should dismiss you right here and now, we can talk about this tomorrow when you’ve sobered up.”

“Whatever Sir.”

“Agent Mulder will you just go home, by the way you can leave your car keys with me as you’re not driving.”

“Alex has them, hey where did Alex go with my car?”

“Hold on I’ll ring him and see.”

I sat there just listening as he told Alex to hurry up and get back here, apparently Skinner wanted me out of the building immediately. 

“Alex has been stuck in traffic for the past hour, he said it was some roadworks or something.”

“Well he could have at least fuckin phoned me then.”

“Agent Mulder watch that mouth of yours, believe me you’re already in enough trouble as it is.”

“Nothing new there then.”

“Agent Mulder why are you drinking? It’s not like you at all to behave like this.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Yes well you’d better talk about this nothing to Alex.”

It was then that the man himself walked into the basement, great at least I could go home now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe the state Fox was in, shit he looked a right mess and nothing at all like his usual self.

“Hey look it’s my knight in shining armour, Alex Babe come here and give me a kiss.”

“Shit are you really drunk, I thought it was just a joke or something.”

“Yes he’s drunk Alex, can you get him out of here without anyone seeing him.”

“I’ll do my best, come on Fox move it now.”

“Are you taking me to bed Alex?”

“Yeah and you’ll be sleeping alone until you sober up if you don’t behave.”

“God you’re no fun Alex.”

“Shit Fox you’re going to have to help me out here, can’t you just try walking by yourself?”

“No you’re okay I’m too tired.”

“Skinner can you help me get him into the car?”

“Yeah come on then.”

Soon I had Fox in the passenger seat, Skinner was warning him that he’d be dealt with in the morning. I just drove home praying Fox wasn’t suddenly sick, I was finally happy when we reached Hegal place.

“Right come on Fox move, that or I’ll leave you in the car for the night.”

I finally managed to get him into the bedroom, I then worked on removing all of his clothes.

“Sleep it off Fox and I’ll be back later, Skinners not the only one who wants answers.I went and threw his clothes into the wash, I then went to take a shower. I’d left Fox in bed to sleep, however it was now eleven and I was knackered so I decided to call it a night myself.

When I entered the bedroom I noticed Fox was awake, well no time like the present I guess to deal with this.

“Fox why was you drinking while you was at work?”

“I just was that’s all.”

“That’s not an answer Fox, I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me and tell me what’s wrong. I just want you to be honest, this isn’t the first time you’ve acted weird.”

“I’m tired that’s all.”

“Fox I wasn’t born yesterday so how about the truth?”

“Just leave me alone Alex.”

“Is it something I’ve done Fox?”

“I said to just fuckin drop it Alex.”

“I thought we were meant to be partners Fox?”

“I’m going back to sleep.”

I climbed into the bed and lay at my own side, I really just felt so alone at the moment. It was then that I felt Fox move closer to me, shit he just wanted to act like nothing had happened at all.

“Fox if I’m not good enough to talk to don’t touch me either.”

“Fuck you Alex, you think you’re so fuckin perfect don’t you?”

“Yeah really Fox, hell don’t I just look so fuckin perfect.”

That was when I felt Fox put his hand on my backside.

“Fox don’t.”

“Why am I not good enough for you Alex?”

“For fucks sake I’ve had enough of this.”

I got up and grabbed a pillow, I then went and got a blanket so I could sleep on the couch. Suddenly it was then that I felt Fox grab me by the hair, he then shoved me down onto the bed. Suddenly he was knelt over me and started to grope me, I brought my leg up and full on kneed him in the balls.

“Them days are long gone Fox, you won’t ever touch me like that again.”

I left him there on the bed moaning while I got my stuff, I then went and made a bed for myself on the couch. I knew this was so unlike Fox but he wouldn’t talk, I couldn’t deal with this unless he let me into his head.

Soon my alarm was going off and it was morning, shit I felt exhausted and then I realized where I was. Yeah on the fuckin couch where I’d slept all night.

“Alex are you coming with me today? Just I’m leaving real soon.”

“Are you ready to talk to me Fox? Let me know why you got drunk and behaved like that?”

“No, so don’t start all that shit again Alex.”

“Then no I’m not coming with you today, I’ll get a cab and go in later.”

“Please yourself Alex.”

“Don’t worry Fox I will.”

Great I’d thought after a sleep he’d talk, I realized it must be something big bothering him to behave this way.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I should talk and share things, but I guess I just felt so stupid for letting the man get to me. I had to admit that it felt strange going to work alone again, yet it was my own fault and I’d pushed Alex away from me. One thing in my favour today was no Skinner to deal with, apparently he’d been called to some business meeting with the higher ups.

I went into my office and locked the door behind me, all I wanted was to be left alone for today. There on my desk sat all the unfinished reports from yesterday, well I could always finish them and get back in Skinner’s good books. Well I think it was now a case of I prove myself, that or get fired.

I was the perfect little Agent and got down to the work ahead of me, by lunch time I’d already finished two of the reports in full. Maybe I could just get my life back on track if I put the effort in, I thought I’d start on the third file and then take a break.

I thought Alex might have called in by now to see me, I guess that meant he wasn’t talking and I was still in his bad books. Well it looked like I’d be spending the night grovelling, or it might just end up another night in bed alone. I’d even tried calling Alex a couple of times but to no avail, I guess he was going out of his way to avoid me and make me suffer.

It was then that I got a message to report to Skinner as he was back, also I had to go immediately. Great when I arrived at his office Skinner looked pissed off, I just had to hope that I wasn’t the cause of it this time.

“Sit down Agent Mulder.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“I’ve had a long think about your behaviour yesterday, also your career in general Agent Mulder.”

“Great so what happens now?”

“By rights you should be fired for the things you’ve done, however you’re a damn good Agent and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I just had a few problems that’s all, I just had to get my head sorted and get on.”

“That’s why I have no choice but to suspend you.”

“How long for?”

“Until you go and get some help.”

“I don’t need any help Sir.”

“Well I’m afraid that I believe you do, also I’m your superior too Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah don’t worry I can’t forget that Sir.”

“Agent Mulder can you stop behaving like a spoilt brat for five minutes, 

maybe Alex isn’t the only one that needs some discipline?”

“Funny Alex said exactly the same thing.”

“Right well the suspension’s effective immediately, you’d best go and collect anything you need from your office.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Agent Mulder come back in a couple of weeks and we can talk, just bring me some proof you’ve got some help.”

“Fine I’ll see what I can do Sir.”

I returned to my office and grabbed a box, I threw a few things in and wondered what I’d say to Alex. I finally had everything packed and was ready to leave, it was then that I was stopped by the mail boy. 

I opened the single letter that he handed me and read it, suddenly I started to feel really sick and looked over at that bag once more. Everything about that night was coming back to haunt me, the note was very basic and to the point.

You will pay for what you’ve done Agent Mulder, you were responsible for the death of my Brother and also my lover. Revenge will be mine sooner than you think.

Great now I felt really confused, I’d thought the two men Alex had shot were the lovers. Now I had to wonder just where this third person fit into the picture, just a bit more stress to deal with I guess.

I grabbed the note and threw it into the open box, I picked up the box and also decided to grab that damn bag. It was time to put the past to rest, I went to the garage and put the box on the back seat to take home. As for the bag, well that went in the trunk so it was out of sight.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well Fox had well and truly pissed me off last night, I also still ached from my night alone on the couch. It might seem petty to a lot of people, but Fox really had to learn to talk to me about things. I’d slept on the couch because of his drunken behaviour, I was not willing to be treat like that again. I also had refused to go to work with him today, then just to top it off I’d ignored every call I’d received today.

Truth be told I was bored out of my head, maybe I’d go and see if Fox was ready to talk to me yet? I ordered a cab to come straight away, I’d really have to buy myself a car soon.

Once I arrived at the Hoover I went in search of my Lover, yet I arrived to find the basement office all locked up and quiet. I tried knocking in case he’d locked himself away in there, after no answer I thought I’d go and try Skinner.

“Come in Alex and sit down.”

“I’m only looking for Agent Mulder, I just wanted a word with him that’s all.”

“He’s been suspended until further notice, I’m sorry Alex but he left me with very little choice.”

“When did this happen Sir?”

“A couple of hours ago, why is something wrong Alex?”

“Well I can’t find him and he hasn’t come home that’s all.”

“Have you tried his office?”

“Yeah it was locked.”

“Maybe he’s still here somewhere, have the two of you had a disagreement again?”

“Fox refused to tell me what’s wrong, so yeah we wasn’t talking and he came to work alone.”

“Well go have another look and let me know if you find him.”

“Yeah okay I will do.”

I decided to try his phone a couple more times first, yet he was still refusing to answer the fuckin thing. Where the hell had Fox disappeared to now, hopefully he wasn’t out drowning his sorrows yet again.

God I really would need to think where he might go, then it came to me as I took the elevator to the garage. How fuckin stupid had I been, if his car was gone I’d also know Fox would have gone too.

Fox always had to park in the same spot every time, he claimed that he felt like someone was watching him. It was always in a spot behind a concrete pillar, it made me smile to realize just how much I love him.

That same smile totally disappeared as I turned the corner, his car was still there where he’d left it as always. However I’d noticed that the trunk was still open and no one was about. When I got closer I noticed the black bag that was in the trunk, worse on top of the bag was his phone, gun and car keys.

Great now my mind was well and truly working overtime, I shoved his things in my pocket and ripped the bag open. Fox no longer had to tell me what was wrong with him, I took the elevator and went straight back to Skinner's office.

“Have you found Agent Mulder yet Alex?”

“No he’s gone, shit I don’t know if he’s been kidnapped or he’s just depressed.”

“Alex slow down and tell me what’s wrong?”

“The trunk was open on his car, he left his gun and phone behind.”

“He’s been suspended Alex so I have his gun.”

“It’s his spare one, Fox always carried a spare one with him. Oh and also that black bag from his office was there, it turns out it wasn’t rubbish after all."

“So what was it then?”

“It was stuff from the motel room, I think everything’s re surfaced and caused Fox to become depressed.”

“But you don’t know if he’s just gone of his own free will?”

“No I haven’t got a clue, but to be honest even depressed Fox wouldn’t have left the gun there.”

“Right you go back and try the apartment, I’ll get someone here to check the cameras out.”

“Yeah okay, I guess I might as well take his car then.”

Great now all I could do was wait and see if he turned back up.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up and felt really sick, I lay there and kept my eyes shut just hoping it would pass. Yet when I finally opened my eyes, well to be honest I wish I’d just kept them shut. I was in some really dark basement, I propped myself on my elbows to get a better look. It was then that I realized I was naked, I then remembered back to the garage and my own car.

I’d put the stuff in the trunk and was about to shut it, then someone had grabbed me and shoved something over my face. Judging by how sick I feel it must have been chloroform, I knew I’d have to clear my head and find a way out of here. Yet here I was with no clothes to wear, also I didn’t have a fuckin clue as to where I am.

I finally felt a bit clear-headed and tried sitting up again, I wanted to stand and get away from the dirty bed I was on. I went to swing my legs over the side of the bed, shit that was when I noticed the fuckin chain around my ankle. On closer inspection I realized one end was around my ankle, while the other end was fastened around the metal bed frame.

I was starting to feel really worried now, when I stood I could only move a foot from the bed. There was nothing else here apart from just one other thing, there under the bed was a really filthy bucket.

I guess someone wanted to make this my new home, yet at present no one had been here since I woke. I flipped the mattress off the bed to see exactly where the chain was attached, great it appeared to be around one of the metal struts. 

I was praying that the bed might be old and rusty, maybe I could grab the strut and possibly bend it. Five minutes later I realized the bed was cast iron, the bed was old but had been built to last.

I had no idea how long I’d even been here, yet it felt like I’d been awake for hours. I also had to wonder if anyone was even going to come, I was starting to become really hungry and thirsty now. Yet still no one came, it didn’t help as I had no concept of time at all without my watch. The longer I spent here the more desolate I began to feel.

Maybe I should just try and get some sleep, however it was freezing down here and I had no blanket either. Great I’d either freeze to death, that or starve to death. It was a very restless sleep due to the temperature in here, maybe if I could scream someone might eventually hear me.

I spent the next God knows how long making noise, all I got for my effort was a sore throat. I even tried getting into a small tight ball as I curled up, all I wanted was to keep warm. It got to the point that nothing was working at all, I had to accept that I would remain freezing cold. 

I then started to wonder if Alex would even care that I was gone, it’s not like we’d even been talking last time I saw him. Maybe everyone would just think I’d left on my own accord. 

  
  



	59. Chapter 59

I’d spent many hours now just pacing up and down, yet nothing at all regarding Fox or his whereabouts. I decided to call Skinner once more, maybe he’d had time to look at the tapes from the garage.

“Skinner it’s me Alex.”

“Have you heard anything yet or has Agent Mulder come home?”

“No nothing at all, I just wanted to know if you’ve viewed the tapes yet.”

“Yeah we’ve been through them all, if someone took him it’s not on the tapes. Trust Agent Mulder to park in some obscure location.”

“So what about all the cars that came and went?”

“We’re talking hundreds Alex, something like that will take a lot of time.”

“What so you’re not even bothering to look?”

“I never said that Alex, I just said it’s going to take some time.”

“Fine get in touch if you find out anything.”

“Alex I know it’s hard but…”

“But what? You haven’t got a clue how I feel.”

“Alex you might have to accept that it was Agent Mulder's choice to leave, maybe he wasn’t even kidnapped.”

“Fox wouldn’t do that to me, he loves me too much to just leave me.”

“Alex please just listen to me, he’d been abused and was depressed. Just to top it off you two wasn’t even talking, oh and then I suspended him on top of all that.”

“Whatever, believe me I know Fox.”

“Alex are you even listening to me?”

I never even replied as I put the phone down, could Fox have really have just left me like Skinner claimed? I grabbed my jacket along with Fox’s car keys, I just couldn’t handle been here alone at the moment. Great when the going gets tough what do I do? Find the nearest bar that’s what. So that was where I ended up, sat alone drinking one vodka after another.

I felt so pissed off at the moment and wanted a way to make me sleep, I guess my biggest mistake was driving here in Fox’s car. It was only early and I’d drank too much to drive, technically I wasn’t even insured to drive his car and I didn’t want to lose my own licence either.

I was just a total fuck up at everything in life, well it would either be a cab or a slow walk home. Maybe I had time for just a couple more drinks first, shit I really didn’t think I’d be walking home.

“Can you give me another vodka?”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, you look a bit worse for wear mate that’s all?”

“I’ll tell you what I’ll do, I’ll have another vodka while you call me a cab.”

“That’s a wise idea.”

By the time I’d finished the cab had arrived, it was time to go home alone once more. The apartment felt strange and quiet without Fox here, I threw myself down on the bed to get some sleep. Over an hour later I was still unable to sleep, I think I also knew the main reason why.

I got up and went to the couch, the blanket and pillow still remained as a reminder of last night. Well it looked like I’d be sleeping here yet again, I really couldn’t sleep in the bed without Fox. I pulled the blanket over me and finally fell asleep, I only woke a couple of times because the couch was bloody uncomfortable.

When I next woke it was to the hammering on the door, God no one could be considerate could they?

“Alex come on it's morning, it's time you were up now!”

“Go away Skinner.”

“Alex open the door or I will.”

Great I knew I had no choice and that Skinner meant it, I dragged myself up off the couch and let him in.

“Alex have you been drinking?”

“I might have had just a couple.”

“I came to see if Agent Mulder had turned up, getting drunk won’t help you Alex.”

“No but it can’t make me feel any worse either.”

All I wanted was for Skinner to leave me alone, then I could go and get drunk again.

XXXXXXXXXX

I now had no idea how long I’d been here, all I knew was that I was starting to become ill now. The last drink I’d had was the coffee in my office, God knows when I actually last ate some proper food. 

Maybe the idea was to just leave me to starve, it was then I heard a key and then the door opened. I tried to look up but it made me feel worse, great now I wouldn’t be able to put up a fight in this state.

“Who are you? Why am I here?

“Does that really matter?”

“It does to me, maybe I’d like to know why the hell you’re keeping me here?”

“Let’s just say it's good old fashioned simple revenge, you know an eye for an eye, life for a life sort of thing?”

“You’re the one who sent me that note?”

“Yes that was me, I had to make sure I had your attention Agent Mulder.”

“You claimed that one of the men was your brother?”

“My names Mark Taylor, Paul Taylor was my brother and you’re responsible for his death.”

“He was going to cut my fuckin head off, which was after his lover molested me…”

“He was also my lover too, you see me and my brother had always liked to share things.”

“No kidding!”

“You robbed me of them both.”

“Yeah well they both deserved to die for what they did.”

“They only killed men that were abusive or took advantage, you brought in on yourself and I’m alone now because of you.”

“I never even killed them, so help me though I wish I had done it.”

“Oh I’m well aware that you never pulled the trigger, however the other man has proven hard to get.”

“Good I hope that you never get him.”

“I learnt that he wasn’t even an F.B.I Agent, however I did manage to learn that he’s your lover.”

“He’s too clever for you to catch him.”

“I don’t think so, especially when I have you as bait!”

“If he knew where I was he’d have come by now.”

“Oh the idea’s to wait until he’s really worried and desolate, then he’ll rush in without even thinking about his own safety. You see I’ve left little clues and he’ll find them eventually.”

“Alex will want proof that I’m alive, at this rate I’ll die long before he finds me.”

“Agent Mulder I took you on Friday afternoon, that was only just over twenty four hours ago.”

“Fuck you’ve got to be joking, it feels like I’ve been here for days.”

“I reckon maybe a couple more days should do it.”

“So what happens if he shows up?”

“Well let’s just say he won’t even get a chance to save you, I’ll be ready for him when he arrives.”

“It won’t bring your brother back, or anyone else for that matter.”

“No but you’ll be all alone, then you’ll know just how it feels to have no one at all.”

Okay it looked like he had no intention of killing me then, maybe with any luck he might just decide to feed me then. All I wanted was to be able to warn Alex it was a setup, well that’s if I even get the chance.

“So why keep me here chained like an animal? You already have me locked inside this room and I can’t go anywhere.”

“It’s plain and simple Agent Mulder, I don’t trust you at all.”

“You could have at least let me keep my clothes!”

“There’s less chance of you trying to escape without them, I don’t want you getting away before your lover shows up to rescue you.”

“Can I at least have some water?”

“Fine I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I was chained to the fuckin bed, yet he still locked the door on his way out.   
I had to wonder if Alex would even come, I lay there trying to visualise what he might be doing right now. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t go to the club on his own, but if not what would he do? Knowing Alex, he would either be brooding or drinking.

XXXXXXXXXX

Now Skinner was in the apartment he’d be hard to get rid of, I wasn’t in the mood to put up with any shit.

“Look Skinner it’s pointless harassing me as I’ve not heard anything, what about you?”

“No sorry nothing as yet.”

“Maybe you were right Skinner, maybe he’s had enough of me and everything else.”

“Look I’ll have Agents go through every licence tag over the weekend, if nothing turns up we’ll work something else out.”

“Yeah I guess that’s all we can do!”

“So what will you do all weekend Alex? Other than getting drunk that is.”

“I don’t know, I guess I should really sober up today. Maybe tonight I might go to the club as usual.”

“What without Mulder?”

“Yeah it might make me feel close to him, plus if I don’t I might do something reckless instead.”

“Yeah okay, but I need you to remain sober Alex and keep in touch.”

“Yeah okay I’ll stay sober, I need to go and get Fox’s car anyway.”

“Why where is it?”

“I got drunk and decided to leave it, I thought it would be safer to get a cab.”

“Wow I’m impressed Alex.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“Keep your phone with you and I’ll talk soon, please just behave Alex.”

“Yeah I will do so don’t worry.”

With that I was alone again, shit at first I hadn’t even realized it was Saturday. By evening the depression was setting in and I’d not left the apartment, I hadn’t even been to collect the car as of yet. Well I’d sobered up so now was a good time as any, plus I knew it wasn’t a good idea just leaving it there for too long.

I went and grabbed a quick shower and then dressed, my intention was to get the car and then stop off at the club. However hardly anything in life ever went as planned, I passed a small liquor store and decided to call in.   
At least I was good and only bought the one bottle of vodka, now all I’d have to do was find a bench somewhere.

I finally found a bench in a remote spot, at least there was no one around now as night was coming fast. I started drinking and just became even more distressed, I couldn’t stop drinking until I'd drank it all. Finally I felt more relaxed and knew it was time to move, I had an appointment at the club within the hour. 

I somehow managed to stagger to the club and arrive in one piece, however standing up wasn’t that easy. I entered the club and told them I had an appointment, I then asked if I could speak to someone.

“Hi may I help you Sir?”

“Yeah I hope so.”

“Very well what can I do for you?”

“I have an appointment at eight, I’d just like to change a couple of things this week.”

“Very well, is there anything specific you want to change?”

“Yeah I want to be hung this week and whipped,”

“Very well I’ll tell your master.”

“Plus there’s one other thing…”

“Yes Sir what would that be?”

God how I hated it when they referred to the man as master, he was just someone who was willing to dish out punishment.

“Could you please let my master know something else, I want to go all the way tonight.”

“I’ll have a word, however the final say will be with your master.”

“Yeah okay just see what you can do.”

Soon I had someone show me into the usual room, I was then asked to remove all of my clothing.

“Are you alone tonight Sir?”

“Yeah unfortunately.”

“I’ll need to tie your hands up Sir, that’s if you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

“Sir are you sure you want to hang from your wrists?”

“Yeah why?”

“I just thought the fake arm might hurt where it attaches?”

“I thought pain was the whole point of this?”

“Very true Sir.”

I wish they’d do as I asked without the questions, at the end of the day I’m paying for this service. I had to be punished harder than normal for letting Fox down, I’d not been there when he needed me the most.

XXXXXXXXXX

Finally he returned, also he’d brought a bottle of water and a sandwich with him.

“Where are we anyway?”

“Not too far from your office, I had to get you here on my own remember.”

“So do you live here?”

“You ask way too many questions Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah its habit, I’m am F.B.I Agent and its just second nature I guess. Plus who am I going to tell anyway, it’s not like there’s anyone else here?”

“Very true, no I don’t live here it’s just an abandoned building.”

“Great hence the rusty bed.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers Agent Mulder. Anyway I have to go out for a while, I have a few jobs to attend to.”

“What you’re leaving me here alone?”

“I won’t be long, anyway we’ll need some more food for later.”

Soon he’d gone and I was alone again, I tried getting warm by moving around somewhat. Not that I could go far from the bed though, as the day went by the temperature started to drop even lower.

I finally decided the mattress might be a bit warmer, my feet were now freezing from the concrete floor. I drifted in and out of a restless sleep, it was far too cold down here to survive long. 

When my kidnapper returned he brought more food with him, trouble was I was far too cold to even hold the sandwich. Finally he realized my predicament, he came over and sat down on the bed.

“Here I’ll hold it for you, just take one bite at a time.”

“How long were you gone?”

“Why?”

“I was just wondering what time it is?”

“It’s just after ten Agent Mulder, you will need to get some proper sleep soon.”

“I can’t, shit it’s freezing in here.”

“Hold on.”

With that he got up and disappeared, soon he returned carrying a couple of thick blankets. He spread the blankets out over the bed and then got in himself.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting warm Agent Mulder, also I need some sleep so get in.”

“I’m not sleeping in there with you…”

“Fine have it your own way, you’ll most likely be dead come morning though.”

Fuckin great I knew he was right, I lay down on the edge of the bed and covered myself up.

“There you go, see you’ll soon get warm now.”

“Couldn’t you have slept somewhere else?

“Yeah but then you’d have no covers.”

I knew the best thing to do would be to shut up, also to just try and get some sleep. I started to warm up a bit but it was still a restless sleep, it was now freezing cold down here even with the blankets. 

I thought of Alex and how much I loved him, I then snuggled closer to the warm clothed body beside me. Soon I felt an arm go around me and hold me close, it felt good to be held in Alex’s arms once more.

Later I woke with a feeling that something was wrong, it was then that I remembered where I was and who I was with. I moved away towards the edge of the bed once more, only seconds later to be pulled back into his arms.

“Get off me…”

“We’ll keep warm better this way.”

“Yeah well I’ll take my chances thanks.”

“Agent Mulder don’t flatter yourself, if I wanted sex I’d have just raped you by now.”

I slowly moved back to the warmth knowing what he’d said was true, maybe if I behaved he’d leave me alone.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was finally hung how I wanted to be, I was left alone to wait for my master to arrive. I could already feel the pull on my arms, yet I wanted to feel far more pain before the night was out. I couldn’t see or hear anything and I liked it that way, you never knew when the punishment would begin. Shit now was a prime example of that, I’d been so lost in thought when the first one hit me.

However I’d suffered enough pain before to know it wasn’t a whip, yet that was what I’d specifically asked for. Now on top of everything else I was pissed off, I knew the paddle could only cause a certain amount of pain. I’d been whipped in the past and wanted to feel that pain again, to be punished for everything I’d done.

I could only imagine Skinner's face if he could see me now, I’d vowed to go and collect the car and remain sober. Well I never had the car, also I’d got pissed on the way to collect it.

The paddle really wasn’t doing it for me tonight, I wanted to feel real pain now. Truth be told, I needed it to cover the worse pain that was in my chest. I had this deep down feeling that Fox had left because of me, I couldn’t get the image of our last night together out of my head. 

Yeah right great couple we were that night, Fox in the bed and me on the couch. I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer, this was just getting fuckin ridiculous now.

“Can’t you do it any harder for fucks sake, I paid to be whipped tonight?”

God had I really expected an answer, the man had never spoke once in the weeks I’d been coming here. Hell maybe he was unable to talk or something, well he was getting paid to provide a service.

“My fuckin Grandmother can hit harder than that.”

The paddle came down slightly harder than before, now I really was getting annoyed by it all.

“Fine just fuck me now so I can leave…”

Suddenly there was nothing and it all stopped, yet all I could do was to remain hung here. I never even knew if I was alone or not, I’d felt a draft and was unsure if it’d been the door or my imagination. Well I was left with no choice but to wait here, the next thing I knew someone was removing the blindfold and earplugs.

“Sir Can you get ready to take your weight? I’m just going to unfasten the straps that’s all.”

“I ‘don’t understand.”

“What appears to be wrong Sir?”

“I paid to be whipped and for sex?”

“The masked magician refused on the grounds that you’re drunk, last thing he wants is you saying he took advantage.”

“Jesus do I look like some little fuckin wallflower?”

“I’m only following orders Sir.”

“Very well, however from now on I’ll be taking my custom elsewhere.”

“Would you like to have a word with the Masked Magician?”

“No just forget it as I’m going home to get drunk, hell I might stay drunk permanently.” 

I finally managed to dress and leave, once outside I found a random cab to take me home. Yeah right it’s not much of a home now, especially now I was there all alone and without Fox. I asked the cab driver to call at a liquor store before taking me home, he finally agreed when I told him I’d make it worth his while.

It felt cold and dark when I entered, plus I also had the luxury of the couch yet again. I noticed the answer machine flashing, just for a minute I got my hopes up that it was Fox. I collapsed on the couch as the message from Skinner played, I then opened the bottle of vodka and soon forgot about everything.

XXXXXXXXXX

I just couldn’t sleep with him that close to me, I soon became rather restless and started to slowly edge away.

“You’re doing it again Agent Mulder!”

“Look I just can’t get to sleep no matter what, I just feel so cold and really sick at the moment.”

“Admit it, you just don’t want me anywhere near you do you? I’m not good enough for you am I Agent Mulder?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Does that mean I am good enough for you then?”

He suddenly rolled towards me and pressed up against me, shit that was when I felt his erection press hard against my leg. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe and wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

“Just get the fuck away from me!”

Shit within seconds he was on top of me, he then pressed his arm across my throat and pressed hard.

“Don’t ever tell me what to do again, is that understood Agent Mulder?”   
I tried to answer but nothing would come out, the pressure upon my throat was far too much to bear let alone talk.

“Answer me you fuckin bastard!”

“Can’t.”

He moved his arm slightly so I could talk, however I had to take a big lungful of air before I even attempted to talk.

“Please I’m just so sorry but I can’t do this, please don’t make me…”

“What is it that you think we’re doing?”

“You been so close to me, touching me and…”

“All I’ve done is try to keep warm, yet you seem to be rather offensive towards me.”

“Look I’m sorry, I’m just scared okay?”

“Just go to sleep now, believe me this will be your last warning Agent Mulder.”

I lay there and tried to remain as still as possible, more than anything I just wanted to have Alex here with me. Shit then I remembered what was waiting for him if he did turn up, the bastard wanted Alex dead. 

I finally fell asleep dreaming of Alex holding me in his arms, I knew that we had to survive this and be together again. I woke sometime later desperate for a piss, I slowly removed his arm from my side and tried to stand.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I need the toilet that’s all.”

“Yeah well hurry up back as I’m getting cold already.”

Yeah right, I was the one that was stood here freezing to death. Hell at least he was fully dressed and still under the blankets, I had to stand here in this freezing hole with no fuckin clothes on. 

I got back into bed and lay there shivering, it didn’t take him long to move back beside me as I tried moving away.

“Here let me keep you warm.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Get here now, I need you alive until your lover comes for you.”

“Can’t I at least just have my clothes?”

“Maybe later, however for now you’re staying like that.”

I lay there and had no choice but to let him hold me, it just felt so wrong to be here like this.

“Just relax Agent Mulder and get some sleep.”

I never slept again that night, I just wanted to get as far away from here as possible.

“How much longer do you plan to keep me here for?”

“Maybe just another day or so now, I figure your lover will soon realize who owned one of the cars at the Hoover. Also if he actually looked hard enough, well he might see the note.”

“What note?”

“I left him a little note on the backseat of your car, I guess it will depend on when he actually looks.”

“I swear he’ll just think I’ve left him, we’d been arguing the day I disappeared.”

“Don’t worry Agent Mulder, one way or another he will come for you!”

I guess that was what worried me more than anything, Alex seriously lacked patience when he was pissed off.

 


	60. Chapter 60

I’d drank half the bottle of vodka, shit it was then I heard the hammering on the door.

“Open the door now Alex.”

“Fuck off Skinner and leave me alone.”

“Sorry Alex, but believe me I’m not leaving.”

“Well you’re not coming in…”

I pulled the pillow tight over my head, maybe he might take the hint and just fuck off. Holy shit, suddenly I was pulled from the couch and slammed against the wall.

“What the fuck are you doing Skinner, just let me go and get the hell out of here.”

“I’m not leaving here Alex, shit I’ve already told you that!”

“Yeah I’ve noticed that you seem good at just letting yourself in, maybe you can just let yourself out too?”

“You’re trying my patience Alex. You wanted to be punished did you? Well I’ll show you what real punishment is boy.”

“Do you think I’m scared of you Skinner? I’ve dealt with far worse people than you.”

“Right get moving now and we’ll see shall we, you can come home with me?”

“Like fuck. I’m not going anywhere with you Skinner so fuck off.”

“I’m not asking you Alex, I’m telling you…”

Great I felt way too sick to deal with Skinner and all this shit right now, I lashed out and tried shoving Skinner away from me.

“Right that’s it. Have it your own way as usual Alex.”

Shit within seconds Skinner spun me around, then the bastard had the nerve to cuff me.

“Alex Krycek I’m arresting you for been drunk and disorderly in a public place.”

“You can’t do that, hell I’m not even in a public place.”

“Look you were in public earlier and causing affray so yes I can arrest you and I am.”

The bastard dragged me into the elevator and then to his car, he just shoved me in like I was nothing. I knew there was no point in getting back out, it wasn’t like I could even remove the cuffs or anything. Well the clever bastard still had to get me out of the car, also up to his apartment.

“Right Alex get moving now.”

“No I’m staying right here Skinner, you can’t arrest me for anything and you know it?”

“I know about the club.”

“Do you have fuckin spies everywhere Skinner?”

“Yeah I find out things, just like that little outburst you had tonight.”

“Well fuck you because it’s got nothing to do with you anyway.”

“Get the fuck out now boy, I’ve had enough of this shit.”

With that Skinner grabbed me and pulled me out of the car, he only recommended the place, so fuck knows why they had to tell him. Great I just hoped they hadn’t told him everything, otherwise he might just tell Fox everything when he returns.

“Shit what did they tell you?”

“Every single little detail Alex, so I suggest you start doing what I tell you.”

“Fine but what the hell do you want from me?”

“They said that you complained about them going soft on you?”

“Yeah well they did go soft, it was pathetic really.”

“I’m going to punish you myself Alex, believe me if you want pain I’ll give you it.”

“What if I refuse and go elsewhere?”

“When Fox shows up I’ll have to tell him what you were going to do. How you were going to just let another man fuck you, all because you were fedup.”

“You fuckin bastard, you know I’ve got no choice but to agree now.”

“Well I’m glad that’s all sorted out, you can now go up to the bedroom and strip Alex. Then I will re cuff you but to the bed this time.”

I knew I couldn’t fight him now, I’d have to just play along and get this over with. I guess it felt strange naked in front of Skinner, it was easier when the person was a stranger in a club. Well soon I was naked and on the bed cuffed, Skinner then came up behind me and blindfolded me.

“I won’t be using any ear plugs, I want you to be able to hear me at all times.”

“Whatever, God Skinner can we just get this over with?”

Jesus the force he used was unbelievable and that was only the first one, I couldn’t stop myself as I screamed out in pain.

XXXXXXXXXX

I must have drifted off to sleep at some point, once I was fully awake I realized I was alone once more. At least I felt somewhat safer without him here, well that was as long as he came back for me. Shit I realized I could die here without ever been found, well that was a stupid way to try and make myself feel better.

Well at least he’d left me the blankets this time, even now it was still freezing down here. I knew nature was calling and I’d have to move soon, however I also knew it was far colder out of the bed.

I wrapped the blankets around myself for warmth that was when I heard a loud creaking noise. I started moving around even more to see if it would happen again, shit it was then that I heard the bed come apart. I no longer cared how cold it was as I threw the covers off, I then got up and removed the mattress. Two of the metal struts had given way, now there was hope that the others might too and possible hope of escape.

I reached along and felt the one that held me prisoner, it appeared that one was also working loose too. I guess the bed had been rusty, but now after we’d been using the bed it finally gave way. I looked around the room for something that I could use. All I wanted was something to hit the bolt with, yet after a few minutes I realized there was nothing here that could help me.

Well it looked like any hope of freedom was gone now, I just wanted to cry and scream out in frustration over everything. Well I realized that I was well and truly stuck here now, I decided it would be better to remake the bed and get warm again.

I finally managed to get myself sorted and back under the warm covers, I found myself just lying on the bed and thinking about life and my predicament. Shit it was then that I suddenly realized what had happened before. The bed had come apart because of movement, I made sure I moved the chain out of the way before I started,

Soon I was sat above the slat that I was chained to, I then just started bouncing up and down upon the bed. After a few minutes the bed started making loud groaning noises, however it was another five minutes before the slat below me finally broke away from the frame.

I soon jumped up off the bed and removed the mattress once more, there at one end the slat had broken away. I managed to slide the chain along the slat and off the end, well at least I was now free. From the bed anyway, I dragged the chain along behind me as I made my way towards the door.

Fuck no this can’t be happening, I made it to the door to find it locked and started to panic. Shit I was an F.B.I Agent and just needed something thin to pick the lock, it was then I remembered the bucket with the thin wire handle. I worked fast twisting the handle until it snapped off the bucket, once I got to work on the lock it came open easy.

I knew that I had no idea what was beyond that door, I also knew that I had no choice but to look. In front of me was a set of stairs, I followed them up to find another room and at least this one had a window. I tried wiping the glass but it was far too dirty, I decided to try elsewhere for a way out. I looked around to find a couple of really old chairs, there on one of them was my clothes.

Great it would be fun putting my pants on with the chain attached to my leg. In the end I sat on the cold floor and thread the chain through my pants leg followed by my leg itself. Soon I was sorted out and at least I was partially dressed now.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Is that hard enough for you Alex?”

“Fuck yes its hard enough.”

“Well I guess we should start the real punishment then.”

The pain was starting to become unbearable, I swear he must have hit me at least a dozen times now so each one just became worse. Well I guessed I was the one who’d complained earlier at the club, yet this time there’d be no Fox to comfort me afterwards. 

At that thought I suddenly wanted the pain to be worse than this, it was the least I deserved after fucking up and losing Fox like that.

“I need it harder Skinner, I have to suffer and pay for what I’ve done.”

“Alex it’s nearly over now.”

“It can’t be over, shit Skinner I haven’t suffered enough yet.”

“Look Alex I’ll be the judge of that, I’ve already given you eighteen so you only have two more to go.”

“Well you’d damn well better make them count then…”

“Oh don’t worry I will.”

I knew he’d keep his word and the next two would be the worst, yet I hung in there and took it all.

“Right that’s it, come on it’s over with now Alex and you did well.”

I just lay there unable to move, I was in agony and felt totally exhausted now. Then I felt Skinner run his hand along my leg, then suddenly something extremely cold was on my ass. God now I felt embarrassed as reality set in and just who it was that was doing it to me.

Shit then suddenly my world turned upside down, I could feel Skinner pressing something against my ass. Oh shit I felt him push a finger inside me and then another, I knew this wasn’t right and I had to end it now while I could.

“Please Skinner don’t do this…”

“It’s only lube Alex so calm down.”

“Shit lube, what the fuck are you using lube for?”

“Shush Alex it’ll all be okay.” 

“How the fuck can you say this is okay?”

Shit then suddenly his fingers were gone, however they were soon replaced with something far bigger and harder. I couldn’t believe that Skinner was doing this to me, I’d vowed to Fox that no one else would ever touch me. What a fuckin joke, I was now in his boss’s bed getting fucked by said boss. 

The tears came as the betrayal sank in of what I’d asked for, I’d gone to that club and wanted a stranger to fuck me because I couldn’t cope. I reached the point where I was now outright sobbing as I came on the bed, I no longer cared how I looked or what Skinner thought of me.

“Alex listen to me.”

“Why nothing matters now?”

“You begged to be fucked like some little whore, poor Alex had no one to help him cope with things.”

“Why are you doing this, I thought you were a friend?”

“That’s exactly why I’m doing this Alex, because I’m your friend and you need one right now.”

“I don’t understand?”

“Alex I want you to lay still and feel something.”

“No please I don’t…”

I lay there and couldn’t speak at first, the sudden vibration felt really strange.

“What the fuck?”

“It’s a vibrator Alex, believe me I’m not a rapist.”

The tears came faster as his words sank in, shit he’d done it to teach me a lesson and make me realize how I’d regret it afterwards. I then felt his hand against my cheek as he wiped the tears away, which made me cry even more as I believed I didn’t deserve it.

“Alex will you listen to me?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to remove the blindfold and then show you something, I just don’t want you to panic that’s all.”

Great now I was wondering what the hell he was on about, however I’d not been prepared for what he showed me.

“Holy shit, what the fuck? Where did you get the mask from Skinner?”

“They belong to me as I’m the masked magician, how do you think I knew exactly what you wanted?”

“Shit so all this time it was you… then I’d come to the Hoover not knowing you’d seen me like that?”

“Alex it’s okay and nothing to be embarrassed about, I was the same as you when I came back from Vietnam and wanted the punishment to hurt. I’ve worked at that club nearly every Saturday night since then. You’ve had a rough life and need to get it back on track, that’s why I’m trying to help you Alex.”

“Shit I don’t know what to say…”

“All I want in return is for you to listen to people and take advice, you were a damn good Agent once and I see you and Mulder as friends too.”

“Thanks it means a lot, I don’t really have too many people in my life at the moment and now even Fox has gone.”

“Alex we’ll get him back, however first there’s something else I want to show you. I had planned on coming to see you earlier and give you it, however you thought all your answers were in a bottle.”

I watched as Skinner got up off the bed and removed the mask, he then went over to a draw and pulled something out. He then came back over to where I lay and placed something on the pillow, I looked to see a badge and gun there.

“What’s this?”

“Alex you have no reason to quit, the bureau believes you were injured working undercover for me. You’ve passed every single test with flying colours and even saved your partner's life.”

“God I wasn’t expecting anything like this, I can’t thank you enough for giving me this opportunity and it means a lot.”

“Just don’t prove my judgement to me wrong though will you? Come on we need to get these cuffs off you now.”

Shit I felt highly emotional, it had been a lot to take in at the moment and it had all happened so fast. I lay there and just cried like a baby. Skinner got into the bed and held me in his arms, which was to be the same place I woke the following morning.

XXXXXXXXXX

So far so good, I’d managed to get my shoes on but the chain was a pain. At least I finally managed to tie the laces up, trust me to be kidnaped from work and to be wearing a suit. I didn’t care about the shirt and tie, I just grabbed the tee shirt and jacket as I was cold.

Now it was time to see where the hell I was, also to see if I could get out of here before I had company yet again. Surprisingly the door wasn’t locked, I managed to pull it open to find my nightmare had returned.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“Get the fuck out of my way, you can’t keep me here any longer.”

“Believe me you’re not going anywhere.”

I never even had a chance to answer, he punched me in the stomach and then in the face. Blood flowed fast from my nose and dripped down onto my tee shirt, he then pulled out a gun and pointed it at me.

“Sit the fuck down right now.”

I had no choice at all but to sit back down, my eyes were watering and I could hardly see a thing.

“Why spoil everything now Agent Mulder? Your lover will be here within a few hours to save you. Not that there will be anyone around to save him though.”

He grabbed the end of the large chain, however he couldn’t find a single thing to attach it to. I watched as he pulled out a key and removed the chain, he then used my own tie to fasten my ankles to the chair. He then went and calmly sat down on the chair opposite me, all the time he kept the gun aimed at my chest.

“You can sit there and wait for him to come, I’m sure your lover will want to find you in one piece.”

“He won’t come alone, hell even if you kill Alex you won’t leave here alive."

“I’ll have got my revenge for my brother and lover, believe me that’s all that matters.”

“So you’re willing to sacrifice yourself for revenge, he must have been some brother!”

“He was more of a man than you’ll ever be.”

“Yeah right, that’s why he murdered people in his spare time?”

“He never killed anyone without good reason.”

“Why do I find that so hard to believe.”

“I really don’t give a shit what you believe, very soon you too will know what it’s like to be alone and you’ll get the life you deserve.”

“Well your brother got what he deserved, oh sorry it cost him his life.”

Shit he was suddenly up and off the chair, he then charged into me and knocked me to the floor. I was then punched in the face yet again, then in the stomach.

“Don’t you ever talk about my brother like that again, or maybe I might kill you too after I deal with your lover…”

I lay there with my hands protecting my face, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do while he held that gun.

“Look I’m sorry okay, I’m just a bit nervous that’s all.”

He pulled me from the floor and shoved me back on the chair, God I’d be covered in cuts and bruises at this rate.

“Right just sit there now, believe me I don’t want to hear another word out of you.”

I realized I was the one with my back facing the door, if Alex came in shooting I’d be right in the line of fire. Also Mark Taylor would be able to use me as a human shield, if he stood he’d be able to shoot Alex as he entered. I realized if this all went wrong, well I would be the one in the middle of it all.

Maybe I was just worrying over nothing, after all Alex was still a good shot and had proved that saving my life before. He had also hit all the targets in the firing range too, I was willing to trust him as I’d denied him of that in the past. I just hoped that he was okay now and that Skinner was looking out for him, I knew that Alex never coped too well when he was left alone.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit now I was feeling as guilty as hell, we hadn’t slept together in a sexual way and he’d only come to bed to comfort me. Yet here I was feeling like shit and like I’d betrayed Fox, well on the upside at least I’d managed to sober up.

Skinner woke to the sound of his phone, I remained as quiet as possible while he took the call. Five minutes later he finally hung up and sat up in the bed, I started to feel even more nervous as he looked over at me.

“We’ve got a lead Alex, I just hope you’re not too sore to deal with this?”

“I’m fine so don’t worry, what’s this lead anyway?”

“We did a trace on all the licence plates, one came up of interest entering and leaving around the time Mulder disappeared.”

“So why was it of interest?”

“One of the men you shot Alex, the car belonged to Paul Taylor’s brother Mark Taylor.”

“Shit so you think he took Fox for revenge?”

“It looks that way yeah, the car has now been spotted at an abandoned warehouse. I will need you up and dressed also with the badge and gun, you’re officially an Agent now Alex so remember that.”

“Does that mean I have to call you Sir now?”

“Yes Alex it does.”

“Just don’t expect me in a suit or anything, all I have here are my jeans and leather jacket.”

“That will be fine for the time been Agent Krycek.”

It felt strange to be called Agent, it also felt strange to be carrying my badge and gun again. Hopefully soon I’d have my lover back too, even though I’d have some explaining to do regarding the last few days.

Soon we’d left and was on our way, I really would need to get a car when all this was sorted out. Skinners phone started ringing again, he then pulled over to deal with the call. I just hoped it wouldn’t take too long. I just wanted to find Fox and for him to be alive.

“Alex we’ve got a problem, I think you should wait outside while I go in alone.”

“Why Sir, surely that’s far more dangerous?”

“They decided to search Mulder's car, it appears a note had been left on the back seat.”

“Saying what? I don’t understand why that changes anything!”

“It appears Mulders not the target Alex, Mulder’s bait and nothing more.”

“So who’s the target… oh shit.”

“Yeah I’m sorry but it’s you Alex, we could be walking right into a trap.”

“I don’t care, shit I’m going in if it saves Fox.”

“Alex how do you think he’ll cope if you get shot?”

“I don’t care I’ll do it for Fox, also I’ll do it for you as you’ve watched my back plenty of times.”

“Fine but I don’t want to lose either one of you two either.”

“So what will we do then?”

“You can go in carefully Alex, just keep your gun aimed at all times and he might think you’re alone. I’ll watch your back Alex, the minute I get a clear shot I’ll take it.”

“Yeah okay, we just have to remember Fox could be in the way of you shooting him.”

Suddenly I felt really hopeful and couldn’t help but smile.

“You look happy Alex.”

“I just realized if he’s bait he should still be alive then, also he never left because he hated me.”

“Alex I don’t think you realize how much he loves you.”

“Yeah but now I’ve betrayed him.”

“How the hell do you work that one out?”

“Because of what I did with you.”

“Don’t worry about any of that right now, let’s just concentrate on getting him out of there alive shall we?”

“Yeah come on then.”

I knew it was now or never and all I wanted was my lover back.

XXXXXXXXXX

God this was so fuckin boring, at this rate I’d fall asleep just waiting. It was then that I heard a sound, shit I wasn’t the only one to hear it either and in seconds Mark was on his feet with the gun aimed at the door.

“Keep your mouth shut Agent Mulder, that or you’ll be responsible for the death of anyone that walks through that door.”

Great he was the one with the fuckin gun, I heard the door open and then saw Alex enter.

“Drop the gun now or your lover here dies.”

No God it looked like Alex was just going to give in, I knew he’d be dead if he did.

“Alex don’t give him it please, I’m not worth dying for.”

“Fox shut the hell up.”

“You might want to do as your partner says Agent Mulder, last chance to give me the gun or I’ll kill him.”

I could only watch as Alex went to surrender his weapon, he just bent down and dropped it onto the floor. After that everything just happened so fast, I heard the shots and realized one had hit Alex, also Mark was screaming in agony.

“Alex talk to me, shit don’t you fuckin dare die on me.”

“Fox calm down I’m fine, shit I’m more concerned about you Lover.”

“Alex I saw you get shot.”

“Look I ducked and that was when Skinner shot that bastard there in the arm, I guess he was quick and still pulled the trigger hitting me.”

“So you was shot.”

“Fox I was shot in my left arm, just calm down as at least it was the artificial one.”

“Thank God, can we just get out of here now?”

“Hold on I’ll just check with Skinner?”

I watched as Alex got up and went over to Skinner, I then heard them talking quietly together.

“Fox Skinner has to wait here for the police, he said we can go and wait in the car if you want?”

“Yeah anywhere's better than here, can you untie me so we can go?”

Alex removed the tie and helped me to my feet, he then led me outside to Skinner's car. The minute I saw daylight I broke down and sobbed, we made it to the car where Alex then held me in his arms.

“Shush Fox it’s going to be alright now I promise.”

“God I’ve missed you so much Alex.”

“Yeah likewise Lover, I thought you’d left me Fox because of our argument.”

“Hey that was my fault Babe, you wanted to listen but I wasn’t willing to talk.”

“Did he hurt you Fox? So help me if he did as I’ll go in there and put a bullet in him.”

“No not really, it was only when I tried to escape that he hit me.”

“You seem to be managing to keep it together Lover.”

“Alex things have changed, this has changed me and how I feel about a lot of things.”

Shit I realized that maybe that hadn’t come out right, Alex was sat there struggling not to cry.

“Alex I meant in a good way Babe, I was letting everything eat away at me before this. I felt dirty and used because of what happened, yet this has made me realize just what I could lose if I carried on like that. It’s all over Alex and we have to move on.”

“Fox when we get back we need to talk.”

“Yeah okay, should I be worried Alex?”

“No it’s okay, but please Fox can we do it later on?”

“Yeah okay Babe, I was really worried about you Alex.”

“Why were you worried about me Fox, you were the one that was kidnapped and possibly in danger?”

“Because I love you Alex, also I know you don’t cope to well under pressure Babe.”

“Yeah I know and for that I’m truly sorry Fox.”

“God don’t be sorry if you find it hard coping, how you are Alex is what makes me love you. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive Babe, I just need you to be able to cope if ever I’m not there.”

“Yeah I tend to fuck up big time when I’m left alone.”

“What did you do Alex?”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to know what happened while you were alone, also Alex I want to know everything too.”

“Yeah okay Fox, just not now as Skinner's coming back.”

The police had arrived and arrested Mark Taylor, Skinner got back into his car and turned to us both.

“It’s good to have you back Mulder.”

“It’s good to be back Sir, all I want to do is go home now and be with Alex.”

With that we set off, I kept an eye on Alex as he was looking rather nervous. To a certain degree I was scared to hear what he’d done while I was away, well he’d saved me yet again so at least he still loved me.

 

  
  



	61. Chapter 61

Shit how the hell could I tell Fox what I’d done while he was missing, oh by the way I got really drunk and then let Skinner…. Yeah right, I couldn’t even admit it to myself. I noticed that we were nearly at Hegal place and home, I had to wonder if Skinner would come in too or just go home. We pulled up outside and Skinner started talking to Fox.

“Mulder are you sure you don’t need a hospital? I could always drive you there now.”

“No I’m fine Sir, I just want to get on with my life and back to work.”

“Fine if that’s what you really want, make sure you look after him Alex and try not to worry too much.”

“Yeah Fox will be fine with me.”

“Right I’ll be in my office for a couple of hours, then I’ll be home should either of you need me.”

We got into the apartment and Fox disappeared to have a shower, not that I could blame him after seeing the state of that place. As for me, guilt was eating away at me over everything. I stripped out of my clothes and got into bed, I lay there hugging the pillow as I cried. I’d not even heard Fox enter the bedroom, he climbed into the bed beside me and held me in his arms.

“By the state of you Alex I think it’s time we had that talk.”

Great now I had to get things straight in my own head so I could explain, I lay here making the most of Fox holding me in case it was the last time.

“Alex I can’t help you if you don’t talk Babe.”

“I’m sorry Fox, shit I don’t even know where the hell to start. After though I’ll understand if you want me to leave, I can’t blame anyone else for the choices I’ve made!”

“Right now you’re starting to make me think all sorts, just start back at the beginning, back at that morning I went to work alone?”

“Yeah okay, I came to see you at work Fox because I felt guilty about the argument we had.”

“That was me too Babe so don’t blame yourself for that.”

“Yeah well you were already gone, I found your car and thought maybe you’d had enough and left me. I did what I always do Fox, I came home and got ready to go out to the nearest bar. However I’d made the mistake of taking your car…”

“You better not have drove home drunk Alex, especially when you’ve just got your licence sorted out?”

“Calm down as I got a cab back, however I came home and carried on drinking. Skinner came by to talk and got a bit pissed off, he told me to sort myself out and sober up.”

“Yeah well drinking isn’t the best way to deal with things Babe.”

“I told him that I would, I also told him that Saturday I still planned to go to the club. Shit it’s me Fox, I wanted to be punished because I blamed myself. I told Skinner I’d sober up and collect your car on the way, but when Saturday came I decided to get drunk instead.”

“Why Alex? You could have discussed it with Skinner if you felt low, he’s been there in the past and knows the problem you have.”

“Look I couldn’t handle the feeling of been abandoned, I still went to the club but demanded something different. I wanted to be hung from my wrists so I’d feel the pain more, shit then I demanded to be fucked so I could pretend it was you Fox.”

I watched the look on Fox’s gorgeous face as he weighed it all up, shit I felt so guilty as the tears rolled down his face onto the bed.

“So you had sex with someone at the club, was it the same one you see every week?”

“Yes it was him, but we never had sex Fox as he claimed I was too drunk.”

“So it never happened because he refused? Then what happened Alex?”

“I came home and drank even more, then Skinner came around and started hammering on the door. I refused to let him in so he picked the lock, he said he did it because he was worried about me.”

Shit the further I got, suddenly the harder it became.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could tell that Alex was really struggling now, yet I knew he’d suffer worse from guilt unless he told me. I suppose I was scared in case he told me something I couldn’t deal with, hell or didn’t want to deal with.

“Alex you need to carry on Babe.”

“I’d complained at the club that they were far too soft on me, Skinner said he’d deal with me and could punish me but I refused. Shit he knew I’d end up going somewhere else and end up in trouble, so he read me my rights and took me to his apartment.”

“I bet that was a sight to see?”

“Fox it wasn’t funny, he made me strip and then cuffed me to the bed.”

“Sorry Babe, I‘d always thought that Skinner had another side to him.”

“Yeah well believe me he does, he then blindfolded me and used a paddle on my ass.”

“Shit I bet that hurt?”

“Yeah he made sure it did to teach me a lesson, twenty times he hit me with it until I sobbed like a baby.”

“Hell rather you than me Babe.”

“Fox you’re not helping, this is hard enough as it is.”

“Sorry, okay just carry on Alex.”

“He put some cream on my backside, I’d let him do it because my ass was on fire. As he was doing it he slipped a couple of fingers inside me Fox, he just told me it’d be okay.”

“What he fuckin raped you Alex?”

“Please just listen Fox, he removed his fingers and then I thought he was forcing himself inside me and I started sobbing. He told me to be careful what I wished for as someone might take advantage, it was a vibrator he’d used to prove a point. He knew I’d never live with the guilt of having sex with someone else.”

“So basically he did it all to teach you a lesson?”

“Yeah and to stop me going elsewhere.”

“God you learn something new every day, I have to admit he looks the type to have a few secrets.”

“Fox are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah sorry Babe.”

“He came and knelt beside me Fox and removed my blindfold, shit it was the mask that made everything fall into place.”

“Why, what do you mean Alex?”

“Skinner he’s the masked magician Fox, all those weeks I went there and stripped thinking it was a stranger.”

“So explain to me what it is that bothers you the most Babe!”

“Shit Fox why do you need to even ask that? He’s your fuckin boss and you must find it strange?”

“No I find it a turn on actually, every time I look at him I’ll know his secrets. He may know a lot about you Alex and have seen you naked, but he also took a big risk exposing himself to you.”

“Yeah I guess it makes some sort of sense, I just hadn’t been expecting it to be him.”

“Shit Alex and you thought I’d leave you because of that, I’m as much to blame as I won’t just punish you myself.”

“Don’t blame yourself for this Fox, I’m the one who’s fucked up and always jumps to conclusions too.”

“Yeah you do Babe, but God I love you and have missed you so much.”

I lay there holding Alex close to me, it felt so right to be back here with him once more. Shit it was then that I realized he was crying, great I’d never thought to ask him if there was anything else.

“Alex come on, the sooner you tell me the sooner we can move on.”

“Skinner told me that he had something for me and went to get it, Fox please just look in my jacket pocket.”

I got up off the bed and grabbed the leather jacket, there in the pocket was a gun and an F.B.I badge. I flipped it open to see Alex’s face stare back at me, it also had all his details in it too.

“Shit Alex I hadn’t expected that, is it real Babe?”

“Yeah apparently I’m officially an F.B.I Agent again.”

“So why are you so upset Babe? Isn’t that good news?”

“Yeah it was one of the things I’d wanted so much in life, but I was so overwhelmed by everything Fox and I broke down.”

“Alex that’s perfectly understandable, he sprung a lot on you in one night.”

“Shit Fox, I’m trying to tell you that I spent the night in Skinner's bed. He got in beside me and held me until I fell asleep, God I’m so sorry and I didn’t mean for it to happen!”

“Alex Babe it's okay, I take it he held you just to comfort you? I think Skinner knows you rather well now, he’d perhaps rather do that than have you disappear.” 

“Yeah maybe, but I never had sex with him Fox.”

“I know Babe, come on everything will be okay now.”

I guess I’d have to thank Skinner, he was the only person who knew how bad Alex could get without discipline and help. He also knew that Alex would run if he had no one there for him. Like I said, at the end of the day a lot of it was my own fault. Maybe one day I’d be able to fully give him what he wanted, as at the end of the day he was my lover.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I had to admit that Fox was handling this rather well, far better than I’d expected to be honest. We spent the night trying to catch up on some much needed sleep, I had to admit that I slept far better with Fox back beside me.

The following morning Fox noticed a message on the answer machine, we both hat to report for work on Tuesday morning at eight. Well that would allow us to spend a full day together before then, hopefully we could do something worthwhile.

“So what do you want to do today Fox?”

“I don’t care as long as we do it together, we could always just stay in bed all day Babe?”

“You have a dirty mind Lover.”

“Yeah right now it’s absolutely filthy thinking about you, Alex where’s my car as we’ll need it in the morning?”

“I left it outside a bar, but Skinner had it taken to the Hoover and searched.”

“I guess we’ll be getting a cab to work then.”

“Fox can we go and buy a car?”

“Yeah I guess you’ve been waiting a while now, I just can’t believe you’d rather go car shopping than have sex.”

“I thought we could buy a car, then afterwards we can christen it Lover?”

“God and you say I have a dirty mind, fine then as long as it’s not a sports car Alex.”

“Hey what’s wrong with a sports car?”

“You need a decent and respectable car.”

“You’re no fun Lover.”

“Move that cute backside Alex, we have to get on before going back to work.”

“Fox I’ll still be able to see you some days at work, maybe go to lunch together or the gym?”

“Yeah we’ll be okay now Babe I promise.”

“Well the day went far better than I’d expected, we visited many car dealers before I finally made my choice. I’d even had a test drive in it, yeah okay so I was like a kid with a new toy. This just offered me so much more independence again, plus I also now had a good job that I loved.

“Alex are you sure about this?”

“Why what’s not to love about it?”

“It’s a sports car.”

“It’s not just any sports car Fox, it’s an Audi Lover. I always dreamt of having a little black sports car, it just means so much to me.”

We signed all the paperwork and the car was officially mine, now I just had to keep the promise I’d made to Fox. I drove off and soon left the city behind, all I wanted was somewhere quiet to be alone with Fox. Finally I found a small wood and parked up.

“Alex why are we here, you do know there’s nothing but trees here Babe.”

“I thought we could enjoy the view, come on let’s get out of the car Lover.”

“Yeah sounds good.”

Fox got out and stood against the car hood with me, I then spun him around and pushed him against the car. Once I had him where I wanted I moved, I reached around him and unfastened his jeans.

“Alex we can’t do that here!”

“Oh yes we can Lover.”

I unfastened my own pants and spat on my hand.

“Sorry Lover but I don’t have any lube.”

“God it doesn’t matter, just fuck me now Alex.”

I did as my lover asked and plunged deep inside his warm tight body, it felt like ages since we’d been together like this. I worked up a rhythm and knew I’d soon come as I’d waited so long. 

Fox was panting really heavy now and I was getting even more turned on, soon I came deep within my Lover and held him. Fox on the other hand came all over my new car, great that would really stand out on a black car.

“Well I guess you christened my car Fox.”

“Hey you started it Babe.”

“Yeah and I don’t regret it at all.”

All I wanted was for Fox to be happy and to smile more, also to forget anyone else who’d ever touched him.

XXXXXXXXXX

When morning came I awoke to my annoying alarm clock. Great back to the usual rat race once more, not that I’d change anything about what I have now in life. 

At least I didn’t have to worry about Alex as much now he had a job, it would keep him out of trouble and he’d be busy. I knew I’d still worry about Alex no matter what, I had to hope he would be assigned with a decent partner that understood him.

“Alex come on Babe, time to get up and go to work I’m afraid.”

“Shit yeah I forgot I have to report to Skinner at eight.”

“So do I Babe, he wants to make sure I’m well enough to be back at work.”

“Well at least he’s concerned Fox.”

“Yeah true, come on then.”

“Yeah the sooner I move, the sooner I get to drive my new car.”

“God you’re like a big kid Babe.”

“Yeah it’s my new toy!”

“Does that make me your old toy now Babe?”

“Fox let’s put it this way, you’ll always be my favourite toy with a special place in my heart.”

“Yeah right, you’re just a big softy Alex.”

“Yeah whatever Lover.”

We finally got ready for work, we also got there in record time and that worried me somewhat.

“Fox I’ll get rid of it if you don’t like it?”

“What?”

“The car, you just don’t look too impressed with it!”

“It’s just a bit flash for work Babe.”

“Fine Fox, I’ll tell you what we can do then. We can take your car to work if that makes you happy, then we’ll have this one for our days off?”

“Okay you have a deal Babe.”

“Anything to please you Lover.”

We parked up and Alex alarmed the car, at least we’d have time for a quick coffee now as we were early. It felt like old times having Alex here as an Agent, it had just taken so much to get where we are now. So much pain and suffering in such a short time, yet it felt like a lifetime ago that I’d kidnapped Alex.

We finally made it to Skinner's waiting room, where we were then told to take a seat and wait. To be honest I didn’t know who was worse, myself or Alex as we both sat fidgeting. Finally we were told to go in, we both took a seat in front of Skinner’s desk and waited.

I took one look at Skinner and had to close my eyes for a moment, all I saw was him in that mask stood over Alex with the vibrator up his ass. I could do this if I tried, I had to just thing of something else for a while.

“Good morning Agents, you appear to be in a good mood Agent Mulder?”

“Sorry Sir I was miles away.”

“Somewhere good I hope?”

“Yeah you could say that.”

I noticed that Alex was also staring at me, shit I really had to think about something really bad before it was obvious.

“Do you feel well enough to be back at work Agent Mulder?”

“Yes Sir, I feel better than I have in a long time.”

“Very good and what about you Agent Krycek?”

“Yeah I’m okay Sir.”

“Right Agent Mulder, maybe you’d like to share with us what you find so funny?”

“No sorry Sir, but I did want to thank you for taking care of Alex.”

“That’s fine Agent Mulder, but at the moment you’re here to work. Punishment will be on a Saturday at my place, I will deal with you both as I see fit.”

Shit I suddenly realized what Skinner had meant, yet suddenly I felt really turned on at the moment. I still hadn’t admitted to Alex that I’d been turned on at the club, God just watching him there naked and getting punished.

“Right anyway back to the matter at hand.”

“Yes Sir…”

“Agent Mulder you can return to work as you seem well enough to me, right you can go now. Oh and don’t forget to collect your new partner.”

“You never said anything about me having a new partner Sir, you know I work better alone.”

Suddenly I felt really pissed off, the X files wasn’t something just any Agent could work on.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit Fox looked really fed up now, in some ways I felt really jealous that he’d be working with someone else. Fox had a habit of falling in love with his partners.

“Agent Mulder I’d like you to meet your new partner on the X files, Agent Mulder meet Alex Krycek.”

“Are you for real Sir?”

“Yes Agent Mulder, Alex is the perfect choice and he’s proved himself recently.”

“Thank you Sir.”

I was totally gobsmacked with it all, to think I’d been jealous of Fox’s new partner.”

“Right both of you go and do some work.”

“Yes Sir.”

I went with Fox down into his basement office, well I guess it’s our office now. Fox closed the door behind us and came over to me, he put his arms around me and hugged me.

“I’m glad to be here with you Fox, things seem to have worked out good despite everything.”

“Yeah I know we’ve been through a lot Babe, so what do you think Skinner meant about Saturday?”

“Fox it was his way of saying he’d deal with things, that I don’t have to go to the club to see him.”

“Yeah but he implied that I’d be going to see him too.”

“Fox it’s his way of saying that you need to be punished.”

“No I don’t.”

“Fox you need it more than anyone I know, even Skinner thinks you do too.”

“Fuck that.”

“What’s the matter Fox doesn’t it turn you on?”

“Alex do you really want me to be honest?”

“Yeah I’d like to know everything Fox, especially as we’re meant to be a couple!”

“I knew where we were going and what sort of place it was, yet that first time I didn’t know what to expect at all. I was so turned on but felt so guilty because of it.”

“Why Fox?”

“I’m supposed to be your lover Alex, yet I got turned on by someone else smacking your ass.”

“Hey I’d get turned on too if someone did it to you Fox.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really!”

God I don’t think Fox realized how turned on I was right now, shit and that was just thinking about it.

“Yeah but that was some masked stranger Alex, it would be different now I know it’s my fuckin boss.”

“Fox you seem to overlook one thing, your boss is now my boss too.”

“What and you’re still willing to go back to him? Even knowing that it’s Skinner doing it to you?”

“Yeah why the hell not? He’s got the right physique and attitude.”

“Yeah because he’s our boss that tends to make people bossy Alex. Shit you want him to be like that outside work too, it won’t work Babe.”

“Fox its one night a week that’s all.”

“What so you expect me to go with you?”

“Can’t you just go like you did before, not to be punished but to be there for me?”

“But Skinner will see me watching, shit he’ll know what I’m thinking.”

“Fox he’s already seen you Lover at the club!”

”Shit, yeah I guess that’s true.”

“Look Fox will you do it for me, just once that’s all I ask?”

“So I don’t have to go again if that’s what I decide?” 

“No Fox just the one time, then we’ll decide afterwards if you want to go back again.”

“Alex does Skinner turn you on?”

Shit I hadn’t expected Fox to ask me that, I was also worried how I should answer him.

“Alex the truth would be good.”

“It’s not the same as with you Fox, I guess it turns me on that he’s not afraid to punish me. I love you more than anything Fox, but I can’t change this strong need to be punished.”

“Yeah I guess not and you have no one else to do it.”

“Fox do you trust Skinner?”

“Yeah he’s always been there and helped me a lot lately.”

“Yeah well that’s why I trust him to punish me Fox, as I don’t think he’d ever go too far.”

“Well he can’t damage his Agents can he?”

“Fox knock it off will you, shit can you honestly tell me he never turned you on?”

Well that seemed to silence him, suddenly Fox was at a loss for words.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex in all honesty I’d thought he was totally straight, but yeah I had the odd fantasy with him in it.”

“Talk Fox, come on you can’t keep things like that to yourself.”

“It was before I met you Alex, he was my boss and I behaved like a spoilt child. I guess he liked using his authority and he across as so masterful. Then there was the time I was drugged and hit him, he had to restrain me and I felt turned on by it.”

“Ha so he does turn you on then?”

“In all fairness I’d have sworn that Skinner was hard too.”

“Jesus take a look in a mirror Fox, of course he’d be hard with a handful of you Lover.”

I would swear that Alex was enjoying every minute of this, he was getting his kicks out of watching me squirm.

“Look I’ll just tell you everything, then that way you can leave me alone.”

“What there’s more Lover?”

“Look I had to go to his office on many occasions, I guess I pissed him off a lot. He used to scream at me and give me a headache, sometimes I’d imagine him putting me over his desk instead. Maybe that’s why I knew we’d never work anyway, most of the time I preferred to be in charge in a relationship.”

“What a dirty mind you have lover.”

“Alex I can’t change how I am, or what I thought back then.”

“Hey its fine Fox, you were single back then anyway.”

“Yeah but I’m not now Alex am I?”

“Admit it Fox, you’d get off on it if he fucked me?”

“Alex enough, I think this conversation’s getting way out of hand, I know what you’re doing so you can knock it off.”

“What? I’m not doing anything Fox!”

“Alex let’s just do some work okay.”

“I’m sorry if I upset you Fox.”

“I’m fine so don’t worry.”

“So what’s on the agenda today Fox?”

“It appears there’s a note here from Skinner, you have a desk arriving this morning. I guess we’ll need to make room for it Babe.

“What I actually get my own desk?”

“Yeah it looks that way.”

We spent the next couple of hours re arranging the whole office, we only just did it before the new desk arrived. I could tell by his face that Alex was happy, I wanted to make sure he stayed that way too. I guess I’d have to give this whole Skinner issue some thought, also as to how far I was willing to let it go.

“Fox you’re miles away.”

“I’m fine, why what’s up anyway?”

“I don’t know Fox, I guess I’m just feeling a bit emotional by everything that’s going on.”

“I know you’ve had a lot to deal with Babe, becoming an Agent again alone is a big deal. After everything that’s happened you deserve it Babe, you deserve nothing but the best Alex.”

“I’m just so lucky to have you in my life Fox.”

“Hey just remember it works two ways, I’d be lost now without you Babe.”

“Yeah I’m sorry about earlier too.”

“What about Babe?”

“The questions I asked you also the things I said regarding Skinner.”

“Alex it's fine, I told you that I want us to be honest with each other. Look I’ll go with you on Saturday okay but I can’t guarantee anything.”

“Hey I’m fine with that Lover, if you don’t want to go again so be it.”

“Do you know what bothers me the most Alex?”

“No but I’d like it if you tell me Fox!”

“I’m scared that I lose it, that I can’t cope if I see you with him.”

Shit I knew I had to be willing to do this for Alex, because it was what Alex wanted and also needed in his life.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Fox I don’t want you doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, look we can just go and pretend it’s the club okay. He can punish me and that’s it, well unless you decide to get involved that is?”

“Yeah that sounds okay, thanks for that Alex.”

“So what do you think of my desk then, hey look I’ve even got my own nameplate.”

“It looks good Babe.”

“Fox do we even have a case?”

“No Skinner said he’d sort one for tomorrow, I think he just wanted us to get settled in first.”

“Good, I like it down here with you Lover.”

“Yeah as long as you don’t get sick of me, you might get fed up stuck with me here and at home Alex.”

“Never, it won’t happen Fox I promise.”

“God I hope not Babe.”

We spent the rest of the day sorting files out, at least come Wednesday we’d actually have a case. We found that we still worked well together, we actually shared a lot of ideas regarding the X files. I guess I’d been lucky to find someone like Fox, to be able to cope with each other every day.

God I even managed to get myself a nickname, most people now referred to me as Spookies sidekick. I had to admit though that Fox was quick to put them right, we were partners and equals.

I also had to admit it was tiring being back at work full time, we were always far too tired to do much when we got home. Friday came around real fast, we called it a day and locked the office for the weekend. 

Well the weekend also meant I got to drive my own car, also Fox hadn’t mentioned Saturday night for a few days now. I decided I’d accept whatever he wanted, so I was determined not to mention it until he did.

We decided to call at the takeaway on the way home, we were both too tired to even think about cooking. All I wanted was a hot shower, also I was hoping for some us time when we got home.

“So Alex what do you want to do Babe?”

“Eat and sleep, I was hoping we could do something but I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah me too, come on let’s at least eat the food while it’s still hot.”

We both ate in silence, I guess exhaustion was catching up with us both.

“Fox I’m going to bed.”

“Are you going for a shower first?”

“No I’m far too tired, it can wait until morning Fox.”

“If you hold on a minute I’ll join you.”

“Yeah I’d like that Lover.”

We soon found our way to the bedroom, it didn’t take either of us long to get into bed.”

“Are you okay Babe?”

“Yeah I guess I’ll get used to it after a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah you’ve had to deal with a lot Babe.”

“Will you hold me Lover, at least until I fall asleep?”

“Yeah of course I will Babe.”

It felt so good to just be held like this, I just wished that I’d had a bit more energy that was all. Soon it didn’t matter anyway, I could hear Fox’s breathing change as he fell asleep. I knew that we’d have to make the most of the weekend, we really needed to spend some quality time together.

The joy I guess of been an F.B.I Agent, every week brought something new. Soon my eyes started to feel really heavy, then I could no longer keep them open as sleep claimed me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Saturday morning came around really fast, I had to admit that I felt better after some decent sleep. I looked over at Alex to find him still fast asleep, God the man looked so gorgeous and innocent. I ran my fingers over his nipples and down his chest, I then played with his hairs as my hand moved lower down. 

I couldn’t help but run my fingers along his morning erection, I was also becoming extremely hard myself now. I guess we’d gone all week without any sex at all, I was so lost in thought and hadn’t realized he’d woke up.

“Fox you’d better stop that, well unless you’re going to finish what you’ve started Lover?”

“Good morning to you too Babe, Hey believe me I’ll gladly see it to the end. Shit it feels like we’ve gone forever Alex, I just want to make up for it.”

“Yeah you can say that again Lover.”

“Alex you’re gorgeous Babe.”

“Yeah and you talk too much Lover, God Fox just fuck me will you?”

“Alex I want to make love to you Babe.”

“Good just get on with it then.”

“No wonder you need to see Skinner Alex, hell you deserve to be punished.”

Shit I regretted what I’d said the minute it left my mouth, I wasn’t going to mention Skinner at all.

“Maybe you could be man enough to do it yourself, that way I wouldn’t have to see Skinner in the first place!”

“Great thanks for that Alex, yeah sorry I forgot you’re so good at dishing out punishment.”

Suddenly I was no longer in the mood, I rolled away from Alex and lay on my back.

“I’m sorry Fox, shit I didn’t mean it you know.”

“Yeah right, are you sure about that?”

“Fox I said I’m sorry, what more do you want me to say?”

“Nothing Alex as you’ve said enough, I’m off for a shower.”

I felt really childish for my behaviour, but to a certain degree Alex had been right. Over time I guess that I’d gone rather soft, there were times when I’d never think twice about hitting him. I decided to stay in the shower for a while, I showered and also jerked off at the thought of his naked body. 

Shit he was out there while I was in here acting stupid, I was jerking off while I had an amazing lover out there who’d do it for me in a second. Well I guess it was time to face the music, see how much I’d pissed Alex off by my actions. I walked out of the bathroom to find Alex up, he’d even got dressed and had his shoes on.

“I thought you wanted a shower this morning?”

“I’m going for a walk and will get a shower when I get back, maybe I’d hoped to have a shower with my lover!”

“Alex you’re not sulking are you?”

“You were the one who stormed off Fox.”

“What time are you coming back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you still going to Skinner's tonight?”

“Yeah, hell what’s with all the questions Fox?”

“Because I’m sorry Alex okay, shit I’m sorrier than I thought could be possible. I know that I’ve blown everything, I’d just wanted us to spend the weekend together.”

“Fox I love you, but hell you can be so infuriating at times Lover. Look just give me some time alone please.”

“I told you that you’d get sick of me eventually, especially if we’re together here and at work.”

“Fox I’m not sick of you, I just need to be alone for a while that’s all.”   
With that Alex shut the door and left, great now I’d just end up feeling sorry for myself.

XXXXXXXXXX

I really did regret what I’d said to Fox, however as much as I loved him he had to grow up. All I wanted was for him to treat me like an equal, at times he treat me like I was fragile and still in a hospital bed. I walked around for a while just thinking, I didn’t even have anywhere I could go until tonight. 

So I soon found a small bar and ordered a drink, I’d just sit here and relax with a vodka for a while. I’d go back a bit later on when I was ready, for now I guess I just wanted Fox to sweat a bit.

Sometimes it wasn’t just about the punishment, I had to admit that I loved the making up part as much. I ordered another drink and felt somewhat tipsy now, yet I knew I couldn’t really drink anymore at the moment. It was the middle of the day, plus I was now meant to be a responsible F.B.I Agent.

I finally put the empty glass down on the bar, it was now time to go and apologize to Fox for what I’d said. Well I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to get back home, I’d just take a slow leisurely walk back. I was starting to wonder if I should even go see Skinner tonight, maybe I should think about calling the whole thing off. 

I pondered my choices as I walked, however before I’d made a decision I was back home. I decided to let myself in and give Fox a surprise, however the apartment appeared to be empty.

“Honey I’m home, Fox are you here Lover?”

Well I received no reply at all, I checked everywhere and soon realized I was here alone. Well great thanks for that Fox, there was no note or anything to suggest where he might be. 

My head was splitting now so I went to have a lay down, maybe Fox might have his phone with him and answer if I called. I pulled my phone out and hit speed dial, great three attempts before I finally received an answer.

“Fox it’s me, where are you Lover?”

“I decided to go out for a bit.”

“When are you coming home Fox?”

“Not until later on, I have a few things I need to get done first.”

“Like what? You never had any plans for today Fox so why suddenly now?”

“I just thought I’d go and pay Scully a visit, maybe just catch up as I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Great so how long will you be there.”

“I don’t know Alex.”

“So what are we doing about tonight then?”

“Alex you go if you want to, I might not make it back in time.”

“Great so much for spending the weekend together.”

“Look I’m sorry Alex.”

“Yeah I bet you are.”

“Alex you left and went out.”

“I went for a fuckin walk, shit I even told you that.”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“Whatever…”

“With that Fox hung up on me, I lay there for a few seconds before throwing the phone at the wall. I regretted it afterwards, yeah it was childish plus now I would need a new phone. I decided to grab a couple of hours sleep and fully sober up, I would go and see Skinner on my own then.

I actually fell asleep for over three hours, yet when I woke there was still no Fox. I decided I’d shower now and then go to Skinners, I had nothing better to do and I couldn’t stand been here any longer.

XXXXXXXXXX

I thought it would be good to see Scully and catch up with her, she invited me in and made us both a coffee.

“I thought you’d have been busy this weekend.”

“Yeah well I guess not everything goes to plan, so what made you think that anyway?”

“You know maybe because you’ve got Alex now.”

“Yeah well I think we just needed some space.”

“Don’t tell me you two are arguing yet again?”

“He said something I didn’t like that’s all.”

“It can’t have been that bad Mulder?”

“Yeah right, he said I wasn’t man enough to give him what he wants and needs.”

“Dare I even ask what that is?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Mulder can’t you just spit it out?”

“Shit he likes to be punished and went to a club, I guess I was jealous that someone else could do it.”

“Yeah it sure sounds that way.”

“Yeah well, he said he wouldn’t have to go elsewhere if I was man enough to do it.”

“I don’t get it Mulder, you used to hit Alex all the time in the past.”

“Yeah well that was before I fell in love with him.”

“I suggest you just man up, that or end up losing him Mulder.”

Shit maybe Scully was right, my life would be nothing without Alex in it.

“Yeah I guess you might be right Scully.”

“Mulder just start with something simple, it doesn’t have to be something heavy straight away.”

“Yeah true, do you think it's normal behaviour Scully?”

“Mulder I think you need someone to sort you out, you and Alex are both as stubborn as each other.”

“Thanks for that Scully.”

“Hey I’m only trying to be honest Mulder.”

“Yeah I know and I appreciate it.”

“Just do what feels right for the two of you Mulder, you could always have a word with Skinner.”

“What for?”

“Maybe he knows a good therapist, I gather he had problems after his divorce from Sharon.”

“Yeah I’ll have to think about it all first.”

“You make sure you do that Mulder, do you want another coffee before you leave?”

“No I’m fine and thanks for listening Scully.”

“I’m always here for you Mulder.”

“I guess I’d better get going, I know Alex and what he’s like. Shit he’ll start panicking and will think I’m not returning.”

“Why don’t you come over for dinner next weekend?”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

“I do mean both of you Mulder.”

“Yeah I’m sure Alex would love to come too.”

We both said our goodbyes and it was time to leave, the day had started out so well before our petty argument and if I had my way things would change, I wanted the day to end the way it had started with Alex in my arms where he belonged.

Once back in my car I headed home, I really didn’t like the idea of Alex driving around in a bad mood. Well especially in that little flash sports car of his, Alex had a passion for going fast at the best of times. 

I was nearly home when I had a change of heart, I had something I wanted to do before I returned back home.

XXXXXXXXXX

The time had come to leave and still no Fox. Well at least I’d be able to go at my own speed to Skinner's, Fox wouldn’t be there to yell at me to slow down all the time. I must have arrived there in record time, Skinner opened the door the minute I knocked.

“Good evening Sir.”

“No Agent Mulder tonight then Alex?”

“No it’s just me.”

“What do you want tonight Alex? I take it you want the usual.”

“Yeah I’m fine with anything.”

“Go and strip Alex and lay down on the bed, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

“Yeah okay.”

I soon found myself back in Skinner's large bedroom, I shuddered at the sight of the large bed and memories gone. I did what was asked of me and stripped out of all my clothes, once I was on the bed Skinner returned with the cuffs.

“What about the arm Alex?”

“It stays on.”

“Very well put your arms up then.”

Within minutes I was cuffed and blindfolded, I wanted to be punished but I felt so depressed at the moment. However all thoughts were gone as the sudden pain stung my backside. I knew I only had another nineteen to go. 

He wasn’t lenient any way whatsoever with the punishment tonight, the blows rained down one after the other until the punishment was complete. Now my ass was on fire and it felt really bad, it was like I deserved this punishment for what I’d done to Fox.

“Skinner will you do the same as last time?”

“You mean with the vibrator?”

“Yeah.”

I just wanted to be punished so hard until I screamed, it was then that I felt Skinner insert his fingers into my ass.

"Is this what you want Alex? You want to be fucked like some dirty little whore?”

"Yes it’s what I want.”

 

“Why do you want that Alex?”

“Because I’m a worthless piece of shit, I deserve everything you give me.”

Soon I felt Skinner remove his fingers, however I knew that was no vibrator that was entering me now. What was going deep inside me now was hard and warm too, I just resigned to the fact I deserved this, deserved to have Skinner fuck me.

All I could feel was the hot flesh against my backside, then he started to fuck me hard. I felt so mixed up at the moment and tried to block everything out, well I guess I’d just committed the ultimate betrayal towards Fox.   
It was then that I couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted it all to end and just die here where I lay. 

I tried to control the tears but nothing worked, I was just beyond everything now. I had even wondered if I could get away without telling Fox, it wasn’t like Skinner would tell him. At the end of the day I knew I couldn’t lie to him, I’d have to go home and tell the man I loved everything and how I’d betrayed him.

I’d been so busy thinking and trying to block everything out, shit I hadn’t even realized that I was now full on sobbing. It also appeared that it was all over now, I felt a finger softly wipe the tears from my face.

Finally the blindfold was removed, I blinked a couple of times before looking up at Skinner. It was then I realized that it wasn’t Skinner who held me.

  
“Fox…”

“Yeah it’s me Babe, everything’s okay now.” 

“Was it you Fox? Please tell me that it was you…”

“Yes Alex it was me that made love to you, it was also me who punished you too Babe. I just hope that I’m man enough for you now Alex?”

“God yes you’re man enough Lover, I had no right to say that to you earlier Fox.”

“It’s over now Alex, maybe one day you can return the favour Babe.”

I held my head down and refused to look at him.

“No Fox please.”

“No because you never have been able to hurt me have you Alex?”

“I’m so sorry Fox.”

“Alex look at me, don’t ever be sorry because you can’t hurt me. I guess I can always get Skinner here to sort me out, as for sex that will always just be me and you Babe.”

“Yeah okay Fox, that’s all I’ve ever wanted in life Fox, just the two of us.”

It had started out as a fragile truce, however the best thing to happen to me was Fox Mulder kidnapping me.

A Fragile Truce

By CarolelaineD 

23/03/16   
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated, that way I can get better and write more xx


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